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Author Topic: Have You Indirectly Contacted a Penis Today?
Syllavus
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


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My boss came into my office today, to inform me that she'd heard on NPR, that during the course of the day the average person indirectly comes into contact with 12-15 penises. Indirectly meaning that maybe a guy pulls his johnson out in the bathroom, and then doesn't wash his hands, then you shake his hand or touch something that he has touched. Now in this world of unhygenic people, I'm sure that we do indirectly wind up touching other people's dangly bits often enough. But do I believe that they've actually conducted research that specifically figured out that on average it's 12-15 penises? Well, I for one am skeptical. I could see someone making this up simply based on a survey asking people how often they wash their hands after using the bathroom, but to directly get a statistic on penile contact just seems silly. Has anyone else heard this exact statement before?

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"That would be really dangerous, you know. Indiscriminately extricating someone from the petrified corpse of a supernatural creature." - My Husband

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Mad Jay
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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Did you know that you are only seven penises removed from touching all the penises in the world? [lol]

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Nico Sasha
In between my father's fields;And the citadels of the rule; Lies a no-man's land which I must cross; To find my stolen jewel.

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ParaDiddle
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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My wife kissed me on the lips before she went to work. Does that mean I'm gay?

- P

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Syllavus
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


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quote:
Originally posted by Mad Jay:
Did you know that you are only seven penises removed from touching all the penises in the world? [lol]

It makes me feel so... special! [Big Grin]

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"That would be really dangerous, you know. Indiscriminately extricating someone from the petrified corpse of a supernatural creature." - My Husband

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Malruhn
The "Was on Sale" Song


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Sometimes, bad one-liners just HAVE to be let out, or I will burst...

My wife kissed me on teh penis before she went to work. That just means I am lucky!

[lol] [fish] [lol]

Sorry, please continue. If I didn't say that, my brain would have imploded. [lol]

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Opinions aren't excuses to remain ignorant about subjects, nor are they excuses to never examine one's beliefs & prejudices...

Babies are like tattoos. You see other peoples' & they're cool, but yours is never as good & you can't get rid of it.

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Cervus
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Have they done similar studies on nostrils, anuses, vulvas, vaginas, etc? People pick and scratch a lot of orifices. [Razz]

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"There is no constitutional right to sleep with endangered reptiles." -- Carl Hiaasen
Won't somebody please think of the adults!

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Syllavus
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


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I asked my boss if she honestly thought that a group of CSI people set out with swabs and looked for evidence of "penile tissue" and she said yes. [Eek!]

If I mentioned nostrils, vulvas, vaginas and anuses, I think she might hyperventilate Cervus. [Big Grin]

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"That would be really dangerous, you know. Indiscriminately extricating someone from the petrified corpse of a supernatural creature." - My Husband

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Mad Jay
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by Cervus:
Have they done similar studies on nostrils, anuses, vulvas, vaginas, etc? People pick and scratch a lot of orifices. [Razz]

Hmm.. If 12-15 people have touched my penis, and I have touched 12-15 vaginas, does that mean that I've had sex with ...*starts counting on fingers* 500 people today?

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Nico Sasha
In between my father's fields;And the citadels of the rule; Lies a no-man's land which I must cross; To find my stolen jewel.

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FaithHopeLOVE
The Red and the Green Stamps


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Okay, so does that mean the guy that didn't wash his hands shakes hands with many people, but it only counts as one contact? Are they suggesting that people are shaking hands with 12-15 different unwashed hands a day? Because the alternative is that UnwashedA shakes hands with B, then you shake hands with B, but you're not touching Johnson of A, but merely hand of B. (Unless B is also unwashed.)

I don't know about everybody else, but I rarely shake hands with more than one person a day, so there must be some real glad handers out there.

Faith "People are just trying to get (a) head" Love

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Rainmom
Deck the Malls


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Okay, this may seems like a weird question...but just how "dirty" is a penis anyway? Dirtier than a foot? If you run a swab culture on the outside, what would grow? I would be more worried about someone sneezing and then shaking hands.

I think I am going to have trouble keeping a straight face during the "peace be with you" handshakes at church.

Rainmom

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Arthurdawg
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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Penises (? Penisi [Smile] really aren't that dirty, and unless you have an STD and spend some prolonged contact with certain other mucosal tissues, you probably wouldn't catch anything. For that matter, urine is pretty clean as well. Thanks to our consumer driven society we have a false idea that we can actually disinfect the environment around us and "kill those germs!" When we really carry bazillions of bugs in our bodies (dried feces is 40% or so bacteria by weight!) Someone recently reported that the ties doctors wear are covered with bacteria, including antibiotic resistant strains (staph and enterococci.) Guess I should buy some bow ties... [Big Grin]

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"It's Okay. Gary sent us."

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sherri_lu
Xboxing Day


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Doesn't George Carlin have a line or bit about this?
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Heavy B
The First USA Noel


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quote:
Originally posted by sherri_lu:
Doesn't George Carlin have a line or bit about this?

Yeah, it's in his bit about our society being obsessed with germs.
He says something like the following:
"...and I don't automatically wash my hands after going to the bathroom, can you handle that? Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. You know when I do? When I shit on them! And that only happens two, three times a week, tops!
I mean, come on. If your dick is so dirty that you have to wash your hands after touching it, you should be washing your dick instead. Can you imagine what that would look like in the men's room?"
Or something like that. The whole bit is pretty funny.

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I can't complain, but sometimes I still do. - Joe Walsh

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Floater
Xboxing Day


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A Harvard man and a Yale man are at the urinal. They finish and zip up. The Harvard man proceeds to the sink to wash his hands, while the Yale man immediately makes for the exit.

The Harvard man says, "At Hah-vahd they teach us to wash our hands after we urinate."

The Yale man replies, "At Yale they teach us not to piss on our hands."

[fish]

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Små hönor skall inte lägga stora ägg för då blir de slarviga i ändan

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Faith
Happy Holly Days


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The Straight Dope on why we should wash our hands

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"You watched it. You can't UNWATCH it."

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Mad Jay
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by Floater:
A Harvard man and a Yale man are at the urinal. They finish and zip up. The Harvard man proceeds to the sink to wash his hands, while the Yale man immediately makes for the exit.

The Harvard man says, "At Hah-vahd they teach us to wash our hands after we urinate."

The Yale man replies, "At Yale they teach us not to piss on our hands."

[fish]

I heard that one like this. A IBM guy, a Sun guy and a Microsoft guy were at a conference. During the break, they went to the men's room together with just one urinal. So, the IBM guy goes first, pees and comes back. He washes his hands throughly, takes 10 pieces of tissue and wipes his hand throughly. He says "At IBM, they teach us to be thorough". The Microsoft guy goes next, pees and comes back. He washes his hands thoroughly, takes just one tissue and wipes his hand completely with just one tissue. "At Microsoft, they teach us to be thorough AND efficient". So, now the Sun guy goes in, pees, and comes back. He says "At Sun, they teach us not to piss on our hands"

This joke works by plugging in any 3 rival companies.

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Nico Sasha
In between my father's fields;And the citadels of the rule; Lies a no-man's land which I must cross; To find my stolen jewel.

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Don Enrico
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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A friend of mine working in a bar is sometimes ranting about men coming back from a pee and using the hand dryer only (as opposed to first the sink, than the hand dryer).

Don "has contacted directly a penis today" Enrico

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My spelling is Wobbly. It's good spelling, but it Wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong places. - Pooh Bear

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Jay Tea
The "Was on Sale" Song


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quote:
Have You Indirectly Contacted a Penis Today?
No, but i've e-mailed a few dicks! [Big Grin]

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This is where I come up with something right? Something really clever...

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StratoGal
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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quote:
Originally posted by Mad Jay:
quote:
Originally posted by Cervus:
Have they done similar studies on nostrils, anuses, vulvas, vaginas, etc? People pick and scratch a lot of orifices. [Razz]

Hmm.. If 12-15 people have touched my penis, and I have touched 12-15 vaginas, does that mean that I've had sex with ...*starts counting on fingers* 500 people today?
Sounds like the makings of an orgy there...Heheh!
[Razz]

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GranolaSuicideSpawn
The Red and the Green Stamps


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quote:
Originally posted by Rainmom:
Okay, this may seems like a weird question...but just how "dirty" is a penis anyway? Dirtier than a foot? If you run a swab culture on the outside, what would grow? I would be more worried about someone sneezing and then shaking hands.
Rainmom

Penn and Teller did tests on this on their Showtime program, "Bullshit." They swabbed the genital region, asscracks, hands, mouths (?) and faces...a bunch of areas, and the lab cultured them for a broad spectrum of microbes.

Most showed very minimal growth; either the lowest on the scale or the second lowest. What was surprising is that the hands were only very slightly higher in germs.

Interesting, I think Cecil dropped the ball on this one:
quote:
I've said this before: your boxer-shorts region--from belly button to mid-thigh--is crawling with germs known as coliform bacteria.
Bullshit!

So much for 15 penises, anyway.

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Rychan
The Red and the Green Stamps


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So the Straight Dope is suggesting that you risk a fatal infection if you don't use soap and water after touching your nether regions.

Where are the fatality statistics on this? How could he write that without at least a few documented examples? (more realistically, a few hundred since you can find a few examples of anything) I call Bullshit on the Straight dope.

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firebraun
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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quote:
Did you know that you are only seven penises removed from touching all the penises in the world?
The real question is how many penises removed are you from touching Kevin Bacon's penis?

Seriously, here's one I heard about the cleanlieness of one's nether regions:

Guy gets up in the morning and takes a shower. In doing so, he washes his penis pretty well with soap and water. Then he dries off and packages his package in some freshly washed (with bleach no less) tighty-whiteies.

Then he gets dressed the rest of the way, in doing so he touches his filthy shoes and shoelaces that haven't been disinfected in the year he's had them.

Then he leaves for work. In doing so he touches the door handle to his car, that hasn't been washed in a week or two.

Then he drives to Starbucks and gets a double-shot carmel frappacino. In doing so, he pulls some filthy, previously-handled-by-dozens-of-people money from his wallet. He takes his filthy, previously-handled-by-dozens-of-people change from the employee and walks out.

Outside he catches a whiff of pollen and feels a sneeze brewing. He instinctively cups his hand over his face and sneezes into it.

Then he gets to work and goes in. In doing so he touches 3 door knobs and the elevator buttons.

Then he has to take a leak, so he goes to the john and pulls out his penis, which was last touched when freshly cleaned and wrapped in freshly cleaned underwear, with his hands, which are now covered with germs from the shoes/shoelaces, car door handle, Starbucks cup, money he used to buy it, nasal debris from his sneeze, doorknobs and elevator buttons. Then, AFTER finishing his business, he washes his hands!

Shouldn't he have washed his hands BEFORE touching his clean Johnson?

I leave it up to you, but if you see me in a bathroom washing my hands before conducting my "business" and wonder why that nutty guy is doing things backwards... Now you know! [Big Grin]

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moonfall86
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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Maybe it's more of a cultural stigma that that area is "dirty?" In all honesty, the idea IS gross. There still are bacteria down there, so it's probably a good idea to wash your hands after using the bathroom. Probably what's more important is making sure you wash them before you eat to get off the germs from EVERYTHING you've been touching.

I see I'm not the only one who thinks that shoes are filthy.

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Mad Jay
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by firebraun:


I leave it up to you, but if you see me in a bathroom washing my hands before conducting my "business" and wonder why that nutty guy is doing things backwards... Now you know! [Big Grin]

[Eek!] You are suppossed to face the urinal while you are doing your business

I know [fish] I know

--------------------
Nico Sasha
In between my father's fields;And the citadels of the rule; Lies a no-man's land which I must cross; To find my stolen jewel.

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StratoGal
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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Hey firebraun...I'm a 'she', but I agree with you and practice the same. Washing hands before and after is my belief.

TMI.....TMI.....TMI.....TMI.....TMI.....TMI.....TMI.....TMI.....TMI.....
TMI.....TMI.....TMI.....TMI.....TMI.....TMI.....TMI.....TMI.....TMI.....
TMI.....TMI.....TMI.....TMI.....TMI.....TMI.....TMI.....TMI.....TMI.....

I don't wanna wipe my nether-regions with toilet paper that has been grabbed with dirty hands.

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Shea
The Red and the Green Stamps


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Count me in as another one who washes hands before (and after) I use the bathroom, especially if I'm using a public restroom.

-Shea

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Casey, making hot chocolate
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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Count me as another multi-hand washer. Walk in, wash hands, do what has to be done, wash hands, open door with clean paper towel. Must work, though. Haven't had a cold in two years! [Smile]

--------------------
"To be or not to be! That is the question! Now, will you answer, dare, double dare, or take the Physical Challenge?" --Mark Summers as Hamlet
Countdown: 177 days and counting... or less. My blog. 14 keyboards owed.

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fictional lie
I Saw Three Shipments


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There are always ways around that...someone pees, goes over to the paper towels and takes some without washing his hands...he just needed to blow his nose for exe. Well, any of those germs that were on his penis are now on the handle of the dispenser and then on your hand after you wash them EITHER time. So unless you are constantly walking around pushing the handle down with your feet...
And people who put the triangle of TP down on the toilet before sitting down. Why? What are you really afraid of getting? Your ass should only have that ONE hole in it...and it usually sits over the water, so what makes you think you are could get anything if you didn't put the paper down. And why is TP the new kryptonite germ blocker? If there were some STD on the toilet seat and you licked it, sure you might get it. But you aren't going to get it from just sitting down on it.
...unless it's something alive, crabs for exe.

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I am nothing but I'm more than you will ever be

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darth_borehd
The Red and the Green Stamps


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quote:
Originally posted by fictional lie:
And people who put the triangle of TP down on the toilet before sitting down. Why? What are you really afraid of getting? Your ass should only have that ONE hole in it...and it usually sits over the water, so what makes you think you are could get anything if you didn't put the paper down. And why is TP the new kryptonite germ blocker? If there were some STD on the toilet seat and you licked it, sure you might get it. But you aren't going to get it from just sitting down on it.
...unless it's something alive, crabs for exe.

Herpes has been proven to endure a few hours on a toilet seat after contact from an infected person.
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Class Bravo
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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quote:
Originally posted by Mad Jay:
This joke works by plugging in any 3 rival companies.

Just to spin it one more way, the way I'd always heard it was by plugging in the Navy and Marines.
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Troodon
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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I get paper towels ready so that I don't have to touch the dispenser or the doorknob on my way out of the bathroom, but when at work I get drops of E. coli soup on me (the bacteria are so thick that the liquid is not transparent), I don't really care.

I think the issue is not just avoiding bacteria, but avoiding touching other people, and especially other people's penises, even indirectly.

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Four Kitties
Layaway in a Manger


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quote:
Originally posted by Troodon:
I think the issue is not just avoiding bacteria, but avoiding touching other people, and especially other people's penises, even indirectly.

Oh no you don't! I only recently got my sex life back, and I'm willing to endure any amount of germs to keep it! [Wink]

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If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

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steve s
Almond Joy to the World


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Okay, so your at a fast-food place watching the guy make your burger. You see him reach his hand down into his pants to itch the goods. Then he pulls his hand out and continues to prepare your sandwich. Do you call for the manager?

Steve S.

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Mickey Blue
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by steve s:
Okay, so your at a fast-food place watching the guy make your burger. You see him reach his hand down into his pants to itch the goods. Then he pulls his hand out and continues to prepare your sandwich. Do you call for the manager?

Steve S.

Yes, but then the same would apply if he picked his nose, scratched his ass, whiped sweat off his forehead or from under his arms, or sneezed into his hands.

The only possible reason that itching his goods may cause me more concern is that the fact that he is itching them so readily that he cannot wait until he is done making the sandwhich and go tot he bathroom may mean he has some sort of aweful infection down there (anybody remember that old Bevis and Butthead episode like that?).

I'd go with the above theory that one of the reasons (perhaps the main reason) we consider it to be so much worse is because of ingrained ideals that it is "dirty". I mean how many people have put their mouths on organs of people they bairly know after a brief visual inspection? Or allowed said organs into or around their organs? I'd wager a decent amount.

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"All people are responsible for the good that they didn't do"

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DawnStorm
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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Have I contacted a penis today? Well my husband was returning home from work just as I was leaving, so no. Not yet at least. [Big Grin]

Dawn--but the day's still young--Storm

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Leashes?! We don't need no stinking leashes!!

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