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» Hello snopes.com » Urban Legends » Inboxer Rebellion » Inbox Summary for 2006

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Author Topic: Inbox Summary for 2006
franjava
Deck the Malls


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Received this today and thought of you all...
(Imagine pretty color text.) [Big Grin]


WELCOME TO YEAR 2007 !

SUMMARY OF THIS LAST YEAR ON MY COMPUTER:

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have an y savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I n o longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I
receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

Oh, and don't forget this one either!

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 47,000 people in the next 47 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:47 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 47 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.
I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's s econd husband's cousin's beautician...

Have a wonderful day....AND

A scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late...

--------------------
Never eat anything given to you by a toddler.

Posts: 258 | From: Rochester, NY | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
DawnStorm
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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[lol]

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Leashes?! We don't need no stinking leashes!!

Posts: 4771 | From: The Berkeley of the East Coast: Montgomery County MD | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Em
Happy Holly Days


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[lol] I love the last line.

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What the NFBSK does YOMANK mean?

Posts: 1646 | From: Melbourne, Australia | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Canuckistan
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Forward-a-chow

And another-a-chow

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People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

Posts: 8429 | From: New York run by the Swiss (Toronto) | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Felessan
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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This got spread around at work. I replied (to all):

When did we start buying gasoline rather than petrol?

Have references to God ever appeared on soft drink cans?

When did Saran wrap replace Gladwrap?

Who still uses coins on pay phones? Come to think of it, who still uses pay phones?

Has UPS ever delivered in Australia?

Since when are American troops "ours"?

Does Nieman-Narcus have branches in Australia?

Is a big brown African spider any worse than a funnel web or a redback?

Who the hell is Andy Rooney?

Finally... is there any point in critiquing Glurge?

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You fool! That's not a warrior, that's a banana!
- a surreal moment in a role-playing game

Posts: 2480 | From: Australia | Registered: Feb 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
   

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