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Author Topic: How the "Left" Stole Christmas
Canuckistan
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by Thomas Newton:
WHO IS THE AUTHOR?

Or is the name of a conservative poet a SECRET.

For the sake of the author's reputation, it better be kept a secret. Who would want their name associated with such drivel?

quote:
If so maybe it will be in Teh New York Times tomorrow.
 -

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People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

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Canuckistan
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by Thomas Newton:
Let's just say that I don't expect to be published by City Lights Book Store or let on the bus by Neal Cassady.

I still have no idea what it is you're trying to say, and since you refuse to give a clear answer, I'll just pretend like you never said anything in the first place.

Or, I'll join AnglRdr in the hallucinogenic bender. My head's beginning to hurt, too.

--------------------
People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

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kitoboo
Deck the Malls


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quote:
Originally posted by Thomas Newton:
Let's just say that I don't expect to be published by City Lights Book Store or let on the bus by Neal Cassady.

I think Mr. Newton believes he is being clever and doesn't realize he is merely being obtuse.


-kitoboo

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I'mNotDedalus
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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quote:
Originally posted by Thomas Newton:
quote:
Originally posted by I'mNotDedalus:
Thomas Newton, Conservative Poet (TM):

Tell me this: Why is there not even one ninja present in the whole ninjaless oeuvre of your works? You dare call yourself a poet!? For your own sake, you better not be referrin’ to yourself as a ninja in private, either.

I am a pirate matey. We eat ninjas for breakfast.

Scarshoulder
Captain of the Skull II

A pirate, huh? Seems to me that Teh San Francisco Agenda has already gotten to you, Big Daddy. Is that how you got that scar on your shoulder, Captain my Captain? Ouch! You naughty sailor, you.

--------------------
The salty fragrance of L’Eau D’I’mNotDedalus - made entirely of and entirely for sea turtles.

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Pogue Ma-humbug
Happy Christmas (Malls are Open)


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quote:
Originally posted by Canuckistan:
quote:
Originally posted by Thomas Newton:
Let's just say that I don't expect to be published by City Lights Book Store or let on the bus by Neal Cassady.

I still have no idea what it is you're trying to say, and since you refuse to give a clear answer, I'll just pretend like you never said anything in the first place.
Just in case people don't understand the references, City Lights Bookstore is an institution in San Francisco and a home to the beat writers in the 1950s. Neal Cassady was the hero of Jack Kerouac's On the Road, and one of the Merry Pranksters who were the subjects of Tom Wolfe's The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test.

BTW, Cassady died in 1968, so he hasn't let anyone on the bus in a long time.

Pogue

--------------------
Let's drink to the causes in your life:
Your family, your friends, the union, your wife.

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I'mNotDedalus
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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City Lights also has a bar next door (across the alley, IIRC), which is one of my most favorite of bars in the Bay Area.

--------------------
The salty fragrance of L’Eau D’I’mNotDedalus - made entirely of and entirely for sea turtles.

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Greg of Winter
Xboxing Day


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Political humor has to be at least two things, witty and incisive. It's neither.

As I've never seen a Ramadan or Kwanzaa (frankly, I see less & less of Kwanzaa every year) display, never heard of a "dream tree," never seen an upside-down tree display, and have been wished a Merry Christmas at practically ever major retailer I've been to, I'm wondering where this poet lives.

...and yes, I live in the Homosexual-Hipster-Hippie-Punk-Anarchist-ville of Portland, Oregon.

BTW, City Lights has one of the best military history sections of any bookstore I've been in.

--------------------
Meanwhile, at stately Wayne Manor...

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evilrabbit
Jingle Bell Hock


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I saw an upside down Christmas tree at Canadian Tire the other day...it disturbed me on a deep, instinctual level.

And a zombie pirate ninja beats a pirate, a zombie or a ninja, as well as all three together.

(greater than the sum of its parts...)

--------------------
"My sandwich choice is uncertain, until I actually order. It's like Schrodinger's Sandwich."
"Is plutonium involved in this sandwich in any way?"
"Maybe."

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GenYus
Away in a Manager's Special


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Sorry, you can't have a ninja pirate (zombie or otherwise). Ninjas are about stealth and cunning. Pirates are about brash and brute. Diametrically opposed.

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IIRC, it wasn't the shoe bomber's loud prayers that sparked the takedown by the other passengers; it was that he was trying to light his shoe on fire. Very, very different. Canuckistan

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Tootsie Plunkette
Buy a Torch, Jeanette, Isabella


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Oh freddled gruntbuggly
Twas the month before Christmas
When all through our land,
Not a Christian was praying
Nor taking a stand.
Thy micturations are to me
See the PC Police had taken away,
The reason for Christmas - no one could say.
The children were told by their schools not to sing,
About Shepherds and Wise Men and Angels and things.
As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee.
It might hurt people's feelings, the teachers would say
December 25th is just a "Holiday".
Yet the shoppers were ready with cash, checks and credit
Pushing folks down to the floor just to get it!
Groop I implore thee,
CDs from Madonna, an X BOX, an I-pod
Something was changing, something quite odd!
Retailers promoted Ramadan and Kwanzaa
In hopes to sell books by Franken & Fonda.
My foonting turlingdromes
As Targets were hanging their trees upside down
At Lowe's the word Christmas - was no where to be found.
At K-Mart and Staples and Penny's and Sears
You won't hear the word Christmas; it won't touch your ears.
And hooptiously drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles,
Inclusive, sensitive, Di-ver-si-ty
Are words that were used to intimidate me.
Now Daschle, Now Darden, Now Sharpton, Wolf Blitzen
On Boxer, on Rather, on Kerry, on Clinton!
Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts
At the top of the Senate, there arose such a clatter
To eliminate Jesus, in all public matter.
And we spoke not a word, as they took away our faith
Forbidden to speak of salvation and grace.
With my blurglecruncheon,
The true Gift of Christmas was exchanged and discarded
The reason for the season, stopped before it started.
So as you celebrate "Winter Break" under your "Dream Tree"
Sipping your Starbucks, listen to me.
Choose your words carefully, choose what you say
Shout MERRY CHRISTMAS, not Happy Holiday!~
See if I don't!


--------------------
--Tootsie

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pob14
Jingle Bell Hock


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quote:
Originally posted by Tootsie Plunkette:
Oh freddled gruntbuggly
[*** and other stuff, leading to . . .***]
Shout MERRY CHRISTMAS, not Happy Holiday!~
See if I don't!

Cool. Vogon conservative poetry. Now I must put my large intestine back, as it has attempted to strangle me to keep me from reading this.

(any points for getting the reference?)

--------------------
Patrick

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Ink Rose
Deck the Malls


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OMG! Hitchikers GUIDE! I LOVE THEE (bows down and worships pob14)

--------------------
Website: http://stu.aii.edu/~krm184
Comic: http://elfhome.keenspace.com

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AnglsWeHvHrdOnHiRdr
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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quote:
Originally posted by evilrabbit:
I saw an upside down Christmas tree at Canadian Tire the other day...it disturbed me on a deep, instinctual level.


Big Lots here has 'em, too.

They're just odd.

--------------------
"When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty."--George Bernard Shaw

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Shoebox
I Saw Three Shipments


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quote:
and in the English court writing one good sonnet was enough to prove a talented poet
As long as we're demanding specifics, can I get that one clarified? I mean, a lot of people can write good sonnets. Give me a day or two, and I could probably churn out a half-decent one myself.
Until I write a great one, though, I don't think I'd be posting to random message forums demanding I be looked up to in the first person singular. 'Talented' is not at all the same thing as 'interesting'...and the OP author is nothing even remotely close to either.

--------------------
"Want you to know that if I had been there and they had of cooked you, I would not of eaten any." - Porkypine, Pogo

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Canuckistan
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by AnglRdr:
Big Lots here has 'em, too.

They're just odd.

And satanic. Don't forget satanic.

Mocking the sacrifice of our actual Christmas Tree. And the Bible specifically forbids mocking the Christmas Tree, after the sacrifice It made for us and our families.

--------------------
People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

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queen of the bah-caramels
Jingle Bell Hock


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quote:
Originally posted by pob14:
quote:
Originally posted by Tootsie Plunkette:
Oh freddled gruntbuggly
[*** and other stuff, leading to . . .***]
Shout MERRY CHRISTMAS, not Happy Holiday!~
See if I don't!

Cool. Vogon conservative poetry. Now I must put my large intestine back, as it has attempted to strangle me to keep me from reading this.

(any points for getting the reference?)

Only if you are in your Vogon Poetry Appreciation Chair [Eek!]

--------------------
Focus On The Family- An opinion group who think more about Gay Sex than gay people do- Rick Mercer

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evilrabbit
Jingle Bell Hock


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quote:
Originally posted by GenYus:
Sorry, you can't have a ninja pirate (zombie or otherwise). Ninjas are about stealth and cunning. Pirates are about brash and brute. Diametrically opposed.

See, that's what makes it freakin' sweet.

--------------------
"My sandwich choice is uncertain, until I actually order. It's like Schrodinger's Sandwich."
"Is plutonium involved in this sandwich in any way?"
"Maybe."

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Thomas Newton
Tic Tac Dough


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quote:
Originally posted by I'mNotDedalus:
quote:
Originally posted by Thomas Newton:
quote:
Originally posted by I'mNotDedalus:
Thomas Newton, Conservative Poet (TM):

Tell me this: Why is there not even one ninja present in the whole ninjaless oeuvre of your works? You dare call yourself a poet!? For your own sake, you better not be referrin’ to yourself as a ninja in private, either.

I am a pirate matey. We eat ninjas for breakfast.

Scarshoulder
Captain of the Skull II

...how you got that scar on your shoulder...
I had a 55 mph headon collision with a car on my motorcycle. Unfortunately my motorcycle didn't survive.

Thomas Newton
Fairbanks, AK

During the Duck season you can shoot Ducks. In the tourist season why can't you shoot tourists?
--Local joke I heard today.

--------------------
Thomas Newton
Conservative Poet

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Pogue Ma-humbug
Happy Christmas (Malls are Open)


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You still haven't answered the question posed to you by many.

Pogue

--------------------
Let's drink to the causes in your life:
Your family, your friends, the union, your wife.

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Cervus
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by Thomas Newton:
During the Duck season you can shoot Ducks. In the tourist season why can't you shoot tourists?
--Local joke I heard today.

Wow, that one sent me laughing all the way back to the 70's when it was first making the rounds.

--------------------
"There is no constitutional right to sleep with endangered reptiles." -- Carl Hiaasen
Won't somebody please think of the adults!

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Signora Del Drago
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


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quote:
Originally posted by Cervus:
quote:
Originally posted by Thomas Newton:
During the Duck season you can shoot Ducks. In the tourist season why can't you shoot tourists?
--Local joke I heard today.

Wow, that one sent me laughing all the way back to the 70's when it was first making the rounds.
The first time I heard that joke, I raised one eyebrow as if to say, "Ha ha, how funny," turned over in my crib and went back to sleep. Strange, it's not any funnier now than it was then.

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"This air we're breathing. Oxygen, isn't it?"~I’mNotDedalus, impersonating Vincent D’Onofrio.|"Sometimes trying to communicate can be like walking through a minefield."~wanderwoman
"Give people a break. It's not easy doing a life."~Joshua Halberstam

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Pogue Ma-humbug
Happy Christmas (Malls are Open)


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When is it conservative poet season?

Pogue

--------------------
Let's drink to the causes in your life:
Your family, your friends, the union, your wife.

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BringTheNoise
Xboxing Day


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It's always Conservative Poet(TM) Season.

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"The United States Government: significantly less cruel and sadistic than the Taliban." - Dara

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Mistletoey Chloe
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Now, now. Be sweet to your Conservative Poet; you've only got one, and you know you'd miss him if he wasn't here.

--------------------
~~Ai am in mai prrrrrraime!~~

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Spamamander in a pear tree
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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... we would?

--------------------
"There is a race between mankind and the universe. Mankind is trying to build bigger, better, faster, and more foolproof machines. The universe is trying to build bigger, better, and faster fools. So far the universe is winning." -Albert Einstein

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Pogue Ma-humbug
Happy Christmas (Malls are Open)


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Can we shoot Christmas during Christmas season? Is that part of the War on Christmas?

Pogue

--------------------
Let's drink to the causes in your life:
Your family, your friends, the union, your wife.

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TB Tabby
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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"Christmas Season!"

"Hanukkah Season!"

"Christmas Season!"

"Hanukkah Season!"

"Hanukkah Season!"

"Christmas Season! FIRE!"

*BLAM*

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I like to go down to the playground and watch the kids run and jump and scream, because they don't know I'm only using blanks.

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Sister Ray
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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quote:
Originally posted by Pogue Mahone:
quote:
Originally posted by Canuckistan:
quote:
Originally posted by Thomas Newton:
Let's just say that I don't expect to be published by City Lights Book Store or let on the bus by Neal Cassady.

I still have no idea what it is you're trying to say, and since you refuse to give a clear answer, I'll just pretend like you never said anything in the first place.
Just in case people don't understand the references, City Lights Bookstore is an institution in San Francisco and a home to the beat writers in the 1950s. Neal Cassady was the hero of Jack Kerouac's On the Road, and one of the Merry Pranksters who were the subjects of Tom Wolfe's The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test.

BTW, Cassady died in 1968, so he hasn't let anyone on the bus in a long time.

Pogue

I was thinking the same thing about Cassidy, Pogue.

Besides the obvious evidence there is no War on Christmas in my sig, I would also like to tell a story from last year. I was eating in a restaraunt with my sister, and the nearby TV, which was playing Fox news, flashed pictures of two missing children, the Gehrings. I knew they were looking for their bodies, and got excited because maybe they had been found. The next news story, which was still going on when we left twenty minutes later?

Sister "the war on christmas, of course" Ray

--------------------
The Organization. Adam Haseeb Memorial Pages. My library.

"There can't be a war on Christmas. Even Cambridge has decorations up!" - an observation I made

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Tyrone Slothrop
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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What about John Milton? He wrote Paradise Lost and Paradise Found, all about Jeebus (and was damn good unlike our resident Thomas Newton, Conservative Poet (tm).

Oh, and all colonial (Puritan) poetry like Anne Bradstreet who wrote about being a good woman for her husband.

I guess Thomas Newton, Conservative Poet (tm) hasn't read back far enough for influences on his conservative "poetry."

Damn lib-rals, stifling free speech and a good rhymey conservative poetry.

--------------------
"The universe works on a math equation that never even ever really even ends in the end"

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Thomas Newton
Tic Tac Dough


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quote:
Originally posted by Tyrone Slothrop:
What about John Milton? He wrote Paradise Lost and Paradise Found, all about Jeebus (and was damn good unlike our resident Thomas Newton, Conservative Poet (tm).

Oh, and all colonial (Puritan) poetry like Anne Bradstreet who wrote about being a good woman for her husband.

I guess Thomas Newton, Conservative Poet (tm) hasn't read back far enough for influences on his conservative "poetry."

Damn lib-rals, stifling free speech and a good rhymey conservative poetry.

Obviously you haven't read The Conservative Poetry Manifesto.

And it is unfair to compare a living poet to a dead poets. A poet must be compared to one of his contemporaries. So far I have no competition.

--------------------
Thomas Newton
Conservative Poet

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Psihala
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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quote:
And it is unfair to compare a living poet to a dead poets. A poet must be compared to one of his contemporaries.
[lol]

~Psihala

--------------------
StealthPost™

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Tyrone Slothrop
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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quote:
Originally posted by Thomas Newton:
Obviously you haven't read The Conservative Poetry Manifesto.

And it is unfair to compare a living poet to a dead poets. A poet must be compared to one of his contemporaries. So far I have no competition.

Wow. Do liberal poets have The Liberal Poet Manifesto that allows them to be compared to brilliant poets like Yeats, Joyce, and Spenser?

The Conservative Poetry Manifesto must be a pretty light read: "Heretofore it shall be stated that no poet who is deceased shall ever be recognized as having any artistic merit and that only Thomas Newton, Conservative Poet (tm) is the sole Conservative Poet in existence."

Mmm, grandiosity. Tastes good with pudding.

ETA:

Why *did* you "really like" the OP? It's obviously a "Conservative poem" and you said it was really good, but never said why.

You'd think that you'd want to recognize your peer in the wonderful world of "Conservative Poetry" by extolling his or her talents!

--------------------
"The universe works on a math equation that never even ever really even ends in the end"

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Canuckistan
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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For those wondering, here's the Conservative Poetry Manifesto.

Written by Mr. Newton, of course.

Hmmm, Mr. Newton ... you've claimed elsewhere that you're the only conservative poet out there.

Did you write the poem in the OP? Would explain why you thought it was so wonderful.

--------------------
People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

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Tyrone Slothrop
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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quote:

3. Conservative Poetry is a celebration of “the best of thoughts, emotions, true nobility, accomplishments, intelligence, true love, style, creativity, taste, chastity, wit, wanderlust, serendipity, and the artistic beauty of the metrical line.”

What a goofy rule. Aren't all poets about this?

I guess I can't bring up Burke and the Sublime....since he's dead and all. Or Shakespeare.

Or...

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Posts: 32 | From: Colorado | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
AnglsWeHvHrdOnHiRdr
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quote:
Originally posted by Canuckistan:
For those wondering, here's the Conservative Poetry Manifesto.

Written by Mr. Newton, of course.

Hmmm, Mr. Newton ... you've claimed elsewhere that you're the only conservative poet out there.


Does an individual really need something so grandiose as a manifesto?

#5 is my favorite point, though, much like the 9th is my favorite Amendment to the US Constitution.

quote:
Did you write the poem in the OP? Would explain why you thought it was so wonderful.
A conservative poem must've been written by the only conservative poet. It is not, however a sonnet, which is the preferred meter of conservative poems, according to the Conservative Manifesto ™.

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