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Author Topic: How the "Left" Stole Christmas
Dara bhur gCara
As Shepherds Watched Their Flocks Buy Now Pay Later


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quote:
Originally posted by Pogue Mahone:
quote:
Originally posted by Thomas Newton:
“How the “Left” Stole Christmas.” --great poem, who is the conservative poet author?

You're kidding, right? Do you really believe that's a "great" poem? Please explain what's great about it.

It truly sucks, in meter, rhyme, and content.

Pogue

Thomas has a, let's say, quirky notion of what constitutes great poetry, though. Though of course this poem does fail the most important Thomas Newton Conservative Poet criterion, not being by Thomas Newton, Conservative Poet.

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This wrinkle in time, I can't give it no credit, I thought about my space and it really got me down.
Got me so down, I got me a headache, My heart is crammed in my cranium and it still knows how to pound


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Canuckistan
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by AnglRdr:
It reminds him of his own "great" poetry?

There's a typo in your post, Angl.

I believe it should be:

It reminds him of his own great "poetry".

(I'm not one for subtlety. [Razz] )

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People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

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Spamamander in a pear tree
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening
-Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

------------------------------

See, THAT is a great poem. A man looking to suicide as a comfort but realising he has much to do before his time on earth is done. It flows, uses distinct imagery, and makes one think.

The "poem" in the OP is simply derivative drivel with no cadence and a distinctly stale subject matter.

--------------------
"There is a race between mankind and the universe. Mankind is trying to build bigger, better, faster, and more foolproof machines. The universe is trying to build bigger, better, and faster fools. So far the universe is winning." -Albert Einstein

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Canuckistan
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by Thomas Newton:
Canuckistan,

Your definition of “horrible poetry” is almost as good as someone from San Francisco, so I take that as a compliment.

You shouldn't have taken that as a compliment, because it was meant in the most insulting terms possible.

No, really, it was. The poem in the OP is abysmal beyond belief. In fact, it made my eyes bleed. And a puppy died at the same time, that's how bad it was.

More dreck-filled poetry I have yet to see.

Although I'm not sure what anyone from San Francisco has to do with this. Care to enlighten me, oh great Conservative Poet!

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People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

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AnglsWeHvHrdOnHiRdr
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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quote:
Originally posted by Canuckistan:
quote:
Originally posted by Thomas Newton:
Canuckistan,

Your definition of “horrible poetry” is almost as good as someone from San Francisco, so I take that as a compliment.

You shouldn't have taken that as a compliment, because it was meant in the most insulting terms possible.

No, really, it was. The poem in the OP is abysmal beyond belief. In fact, it made my eyes bleed. And a puppy died at the same time, that's how bad it was.

More dreck-filled poetry I have yet to see.

Although I'm not sure what anyone from San Francisco has to do with this. Care to enlighten me, oh great Conservative Poet!

Psst...I wonder if it has something to do with teh gay thing...

--------------------
"When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty."--George Bernard Shaw

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Mistletoey Chloe
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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I think it's to do with Nancy Pelosi and her San Francisco Values. Canuckistan's definition of "horrible poetry" is therefore as good as Nancy Pelosi. Well done, Canuckie!

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~~Ai am in mai prrrrrraime!~~

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Canuckistan
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by AnglRdr:
Psst...I wonder if it has something to do with teh gay thing...

But us gay people know our poetry like few others! It's like home decorating, or fashion! Our authority on such matters is not to be challenged!

Thomas Newton, Conservative Poet, what did you mean by the San Francisco thing? Was it a slur against gay people? I sure hope not.

ETA: You're a freeper, Mr. Newton? That is most disturbing, indeed.

Most disturbing.

Yes, it is.

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People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

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AnglsWeHvHrdOnHiRdr
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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quote:
Originally posted by Canuckistan:
quote:
Originally posted by AnglRdr:
Psst...I wonder if it has something to do with teh gay thing...

But us gay people know our poetry like few others! It's like home decorating, or fashion! Our authority on such matters is not to be challenged!

Excellent point. Speaking of which, we're thinking of redoing our living room, and we were wondering if you could give us a hand. [Big Grin]

--------------------
"When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty."--George Bernard Shaw

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htonl
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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quote:
Originally posted by glisp42:
quote:
Originally posted by Cervus:
No, no. Christmas is all about feeling persecuted, preaching intolerance of everyone who believes something different than you do, and antidisestablishmentarianism.

Oh, and writing bad poetry to exercise your persecution complex.

Cervus, I think I love you. Not just for your points but your use of the word antidisestablishmentarianism.
But - and I apologise for the astounding nitpickiness of this comment - surely the 'War on the "War on Christmas"' (to coin a phrase) can't be described as antidisestablishmentarianism, since the US doesn't have an Established Church?

I mean, in the UK it could be called antidisestablishmentarianism, but surely in the US it's just proestablishmentarianism?

--------------------
Part of the Secular Humanist Conspiracy™ since 1997.

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Brandi
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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Mr. Newton:

Matthew 6:5-6.
Matthew 7:21-23.

But I suppose those verses are too pointless and obscure for the likes of you.

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Canuckistan
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by AnglRdr:
Speaking of which, we're thinking of redoing our living room, and we were wondering if you could give us a hand. [Big Grin]

Sure. Just let me show up with four friends and a television crew, and we'll let the hilarity write itself! [Razz]

quote:
Originally posted by Brandi:
Mr. Newton:

Matthew 6:5-6.
Matthew 7:21-23.

But I suppose those verses are too pointless and obscure for the likes of you.

Pfft. Who needs Bible verses when you're a Conservative! Poet! ?

--------------------
People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

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Ink Rose
Deck the Malls


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Praise the lord for people like FigNewton of whatever the heck his name is. Without him, would not our lives be much more boring. Oh woe! The horror of dull, tedious, devoid of idiots, lives.

Oh wait, there is not God hanging around on Snopes. Crap, who can we blame for this? REPENT! REPENT!

Well, here I'll save you the trouble. [fish] But 100 points to Gryffindork if anyone can pick out what that above bit is referencing.

Lalalala I return you to your reglarly shcedules posting.

--------------------
Website: http://stu.aii.edu/~krm184
Comic: http://elfhome.keenspace.com

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AnglsWeHvHrdOnHiRdr
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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quote:
Originally posted by Canuckistan:
quote:
Originally posted by AnglRdr:
Speaking of which, we're thinking of redoing our living room, and we were wondering if you could give us a hand. [Big Grin]

Sure. Just let me show up with four friends and a television crew, and we'll let the hilarity write itself! [Razz]

Sounds perfect!

Will my husband get a new wardrobe, too, cuz that'd be great.

--------------------
"When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty."--George Bernard Shaw

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Canuckistan
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by AnglRdr:
Sounds perfect!

Will my husband get a new wardrobe, too, cuz that'd be great.

Possibly. Depends on the time we have.

That same day, we're planning a surprise trip to a certain Conservative Poet™ and giving him a complete makeover!

But don't tell anyone. It's a surprise!

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People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

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AnglsWeHvHrdOnHiRdr
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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quote:
Originally posted by Canuckistan:
quote:
Originally posted by AnglRdr:
Sounds perfect!

Will my husband get a new wardrobe, too, cuz that'd be great.

Possibly. Depends on the time we have.

That same day, we're planning a surprise trip to a certain Conservative Poet™ and giving him a complete makeover!

But don't tell anyone. It's a surprise!

Okay, sweetie! I promise to keep it on the Q-T!

--------------------
"When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty."--George Bernard Shaw

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Thomas Newton
Tic Tac Dough


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Brandi,

Actually, I looked those scriptures up (MAT 6:5-6,MAT 7:21-23) on my Franklin Bookman Holy Bible King James Version in my attache case.

How about

HEB 13:8
REV 10:7

The Bible is the very foundation of conservative poetry.

--------------------
Thomas Newton
Conservative Poet

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Canuckistan
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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No it's not.

ETA:
quote:
Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever.
quote:
But in the days of the voice of the seventh angel, when he shall begin to sound, the mystery of God should be finished, as he hath declared to his servants the prophets.
I fail to see what these two verses have to do with anything Brandi was referring to. In fact, they're something of a non sequitur. Care to explain why they're relevant to Brandi's point?

--------------------
People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

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Pondicherry Pi
Deck the Malls


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Dear Thomas Newton, Conservative Poet (TM),

quote:
Originally posted by Thomas Newton:
Christmas is in April, not December.

How do you figure that, exactly?

-Pondi

--------------------
If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats. - Lemony Snicket

What the NFBSK is Glurge? Or, a link to Snopes Lingo

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Ganzfeld
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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Hey, that's Thomas Newton, conservative poet. Great to see you back! [Smile]
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Spamamander in a pear tree
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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Pondi-

On the Christmas issue, if one believes in the literal birth of Yeshua most scholars seem to have placed the birth sometime in the Spring, based on the events surrounding the birth (the shepherds watching their flocks for example, the sheep would be in pens for the winter months). My guess is that our Conservative Poet(TM) friend is referring to these reports, as the holiday we know now as Christmas was stratgically placed around the Winter Solstice when many pagan beliefs have the rebirth of a solar god figure. (Some even resulting from a virgin birth, etc)

Of course, he could also simply be speaking a new form of poetry out his arse.

--------------------
"There is a race between mankind and the universe. Mankind is trying to build bigger, better, faster, and more foolproof machines. The universe is trying to build bigger, better, and faster fools. So far the universe is winning." -Albert Einstein

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Pondicherry Pi
Deck the Malls


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Ah, Thanks.

It also occurs to me that Jewish tradition tends to hold that Very Important People (like, say, Moses) are born and die on the same day. And since Easter is in April...

Still, I don't think I've ever encountered that POV before and considering any date is likely to be arbitrary, why on earth would it matter?

--------------------
If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats. - Lemony Snicket

What the NFBSK is Glurge? Or, a link to Snopes Lingo

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Signora Del Drago
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


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quote:
Originally posted by Thomas Newton:
Brandi,

Actually, I looked those scriptures up (MAT 6:5-6,MAT 7:21-23) on my Franklin Bookman Holy Bible King James Version in my attache case.

How about

HEB 13:8
REV 10:7

The Bible is the very foundation of conservative poetry.

Shame on you! I can't believe a Christian Minister and Great Conservative Poet(TM) had to look up those verses.
quote:
Originally posted by Pondicherry Pi:
Ah, Thanks.

It also occurs to me that Jewish tradition tends to hold that Very Important People (like, say, Moses) are born and die on the same day. And since Easter is in April...

Still, I don't think I've ever encountered that POV before and considering any date is likely to be arbitrary, why on earth would it matter?

Ah, but you see, if you were a Christian Minister and Great Conservative Poet(TM), then you would understand why on earth it would matter. ::snicker, snort, chortle, and other sundry expressions of jocularity::

--------------------
"This air we're breathing. Oxygen, isn't it?"~I’mNotDedalus, impersonating Vincent D’Onofrio.|"Sometimes trying to communicate can be like walking through a minefield."~wanderwoman
"Give people a break. It's not easy doing a life."~Joshua Halberstam

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Thomas Newton
Tic Tac Dough


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Dara,

"Have you lost your (ahem) muse or something?"

Actually, "Starry, Starry Night" (You're vary rare. Why did I even try? / Sorry, I couldn't wait for your reply.) was to be my last poem, finished 24 MAR 06, as I had been writing for 35 years without finding another conservative poet (except for Elliot McGucken, Helen Ehrlich, and E. T. Baldy) and had given up hope of ever finding another, and in the English court writing one good sonnet was enough to prove a talented poet and I have a whole book.

But there were huge marches all around the country to show support for the illegal Mexican aliens, and the Musses hounded me night and day until I wrote “Si Se Puede.” Then Cheney had the hunting accident and it was compared to the Ted Kennedy car accident and I had to write “Collateral Damage from the Shot Heard Round the Beltway.” Then came the fifth anniversary of 9/11 and the “Twin Towers of Light” display in New York. Some one criticized the lights as glorifying the buildings instead of the people, which reminded me of the Ayn Rand quote about her trying to save the buildings, so that poem had to be written. Then I realized that my science fiction sonnet sequence only had three poems in it, so I wrote “The Intergalactic Library Planet” and the “Reflection Mode” to bring the sequence up to modern times and into the future. Then The New York Times had to publish the classified information, and I found out that it was called “The Old Gray Lady” which reminded me of “The old gray mare, she ain’t what she used to be.” so that poem had to be written. Then Gilad Shalit was captured and all hell broke loose, so I had to write about how valuable an Israeli soldier was compared to an American soldier in “Contrast.” Then I was half awake and had the perfect poem in my head and there was a knock on my bedroom door and it left me so “The Perfect Poem Lost.” Then I found the conservative poet, E.T. Baldy and had to read and write book reviews on her two books. Then I had to read The Conservative Mind by Russell Kirk (525 pages of pure boredom--I could hardly make it through the book) and The Conservative Bookshelf by Chilton Williamson, JR. (329 pages--a synopsis of the most influential fifty conservative books of which only one was useful to me.) Then there was the manning the phone banks, the precinct walks, setting out the yard signs, the victory party in the Presidential Suite 1402 high atop the Marriott Hotel in downtown Orlando on election night, which prompted “The Silent Majority” which was analysis of why the Republicans lost, though my Republican candidate won. Now maybe I can quit.

Well you asked.

--------------------
Thomas Newton
Conservative Poet

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Pogue Ma-humbug
Happy Christmas (Malls are Open)


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My, he does go on, doesn't he?

But he never answered my question about why the OP is a great poem.

Oh well.

Pogue

--------------------
Let's drink to the causes in your life:
Your family, your friends, the union, your wife.

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DarkDan
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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Thomas Newton, Conservative Poet (TM):

I would also like to hear why you think the OP is a great poem.

Sincerely,

Dan Stecz, Liberal Student (TM)

--------------------
Missing snopesters | snopesters Facebook group | SLC Birthdays | What does "Bookachow", "YOMANK!" and other lingo mean?
"Gonna free fall out into nothing, gonna leave this world for a while" --Tom Petty

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DarkDan
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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Also, the poem is something my dad would like. I was raised conservative and I hate having to go home and see my dad watch Bill O'Riley and listen to how immigrants are ruining this country and blah blah de blah. Kinda sad.

Worse yet, my parents bought me the "O'Riley Factor for Kids" book for Christmas one time. Never read it, it's been on my bookshelf untouched.

I don't really see a point to my post. Maybe because it's 2am and I need sleep...

--------------------
Missing snopesters | snopesters Facebook group | SLC Birthdays | What does "Bookachow", "YOMANK!" and other lingo mean?
"Gonna free fall out into nothing, gonna leave this world for a while" --Tom Petty

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I'mNotDedalus
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Thomas Newton, Conservative Poet (TM):

Tell me this: Why is there not even one ninja present in the whole ninjaless oeuvre of your works? You dare call yourself a poet!? For your own sake, you better not be referrin’ to yourself as a ninja in private, either.

--------------------
The salty fragrance of L’Eau D’I’mNotDedalus - made entirely of and entirely for sea turtles.

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Canuckistan
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by DarkDan:
Thomas Newton, Conservative Poet (TM):

I would also like to hear why you think the OP is a great poem.

Mr. Newton:

While we're at it, I'd also like an explanation for the San Francisco comment earlier. And why you posted two completely irrelevant Bible verses as proof of ... well, whatever it was that you were arguing.

--------------------
People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

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wanderwoman
Bluetooth Christmas


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quote:
Originally posted by GenYus:
Do you do this with just an artificial tree or a real one? Because if you use a real one, how do you keep it watered?

All in all, I'm not sure I'd like an upside down tree. It isn't quite the same.

Sorry to come in late to this thread, but I just have to set you straight here, GenYus.

You're buying into the whole gravity thing, aren't you? Don't you know that's just a theory? [Razz]

--------------------
"But I'm adding this to my reasons why I never really liked really good looking men much. Sheesh, what good is good looking if you have to stuff a sock in his mouth." - Sara at home
NFBSK, IIRC and other mysterious Snopester language

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Canuckistan
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by wanderwoman:
You're buying into the whole gravity thing, aren't you? Don't you know that's just a theory? [Razz]

A theory evangelical scientists have refuted, too. [lol]

--------------------
People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

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pob14
Jingle Bell Hock


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Paddy O'Furniture, Generally-Liberal-Except-When-It-Comes-to-Killing-Murderers-And-Stuff Person and All-Around Law Talkin' Guy (tm, C, and Kosher for Passover), just checkin' in to ask:

What the hell is going on in this thread, and just who is yankin' whose chain here, anyway?

Oh, and here is some poetry I wrote a long time ago, just to keep the whole poetry thing going:

My love is so pretty
My love is so nice
My love is so easy
I slept with her twice.


Thank you, and please drive safely.

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Patrick

Posts: 576 | From: Illinois | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Spamamander in a pear tree
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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Since we're still in the poetry sharing mood, I would like to offer the most offensive limerick I know.

-- NFBSK, heck not appropriate for anyone --

There once was a young man named Dave
Who found a dead whore in a cave.
She was missing a tit,
And smelled just like sh*t,
But think of the money Dave saved!

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"There is a race between mankind and the universe. Mankind is trying to build bigger, better, faster, and more foolproof machines. The universe is trying to build bigger, better, and faster fools. So far the universe is winning." -Albert Einstein

Posts: 1058 | From: Yakima, WA | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Lainie
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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ThomasNewton,

Shouldn't a poet be able to spell "muses"? Or were you actually hounded by "musses"? I'm afraid I'm famiiliar with the word "muss" only as a verb.

BTW, If you wish to quote other posters, please use the "Quote" feature. IOW, please click on the yellow button labeled "Quote" at the top right of each post. Much easier to read and generally accepted etiquette here.

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How homophobic do you have to be to have penguin gaydar? - Lewis Black

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Thomas Newton
Tic Tac Dough


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Lainie,

Most of the time I get it right. It has been a while since I spelled it "muzes." I think there is a random error generator in my brain somewere.

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Thomas Newton
Conservative Poet

Posts: 84 | From: Winter Springs, FL | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Canuckistan
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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So, Thomas Newton, care to explain why the poem is so good?

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People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

Posts: 8429 | From: New York run by the Swiss (Toronto) | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
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