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Author Topic: Why sex hurts girls
Squishy0405
Wii Wiish You A Merry Chriistmas


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92 billion and 1/2 people have died from not reposting this.
So on the news there was a girl
who submitted a tape and it was a phone conversation
between a girl and her boyfriend. This is how is
went:

Amber: Ronny, are you gonna come over
tomorrow to meet my mom? Like I said before, she really
wants to meet you.

Ronny: Of course, honey. I know how much this
means to you. When would you like me to come
over?

Amber: How about 6-ish? Hey Ronny, what's that
tapping sound?

Ronny: What?! I don't hear anything... You're
probably imagining things, sweetheart.

Amber: Quit joking around, Ronny!! Stop making
that noise. It's getting louder!

Ronny: I don't joke, you should know that by
now... I love you so much, and I would never lie to you...

Amber: It's starting to hurt my ears!!!!! How can you
NOT hear that?! Hold on, there's someone at the
door... I'll be right back! Don't miss me too much!

**She answers the door and sees Ronny**
**standing there, holding a knife and a phone**


Ronny: Hey, honey... I've missed you...

**He slaughtered Amber and then her parents**

If you don't repost this bulletin in two hours, Amber
will crawl out from under your bed in your sleep
and murder you. The last thing you will see are her
rotting eyes and the phone...still in her hand and repost
this with the title "Why sex hurts girls"

--------------------
"Fate is like a strange, unpopular resturant, filled with odd waiters who bring you things you never ask for and don't always like."-Lemony Snicket

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Jay Temple
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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I don't know which is dumber, the story itself or the number of deaths cited at the beginning. (And this isn't glurge, anyway.)

--------------------
"Well, it looks we're on our own ... again."--Rev. Lovejoy

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Eddylizard
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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92 billion and 1/2 people have died from not reposting this

So this was posted by a time traveller from how many thousands of years into the future?

--------------------
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is what is commonly known as money. It comes in all sizes, colours, and denominations - like people."

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Yleemjseg
Deck the Malls


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Even better is the fact that it doesn't say 92 and a half billion people, but 92 billion and a half person.

I guess that's one less guest for the "Medical Miracles" shows.

Is this whole thing not a parody of the other silly similar stories?

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Amigone201
Happy Holly Days


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quote:
Originally posted by the Glurge Fairy:
92 billion and 1/2 people have died from not reposting this

How did half a person die? Did the other half live?

--------------------
Check out my blog! http://fundiewatch.blogspot.com

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snapdragonfly
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Who writes this crap????

--------------------
"Wolves, dragons and vampires, man. Draw the nut-bars like big ol' nut-bar magnets." ~evilrabbit

(snurched because one of my nutbar family members is all about wolves and another one is all about dragons...)(with apologies to surfcitydogdad)

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Tantei Kijo
The First USA Noel


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Slice, Slice, Ronny's stabbing knife came down upon their heads...

--------------------
Bender: Though you may have to make a metaphorical "deal with the devil". And by "devil", I mean the robot devil, and by "metaphorically" I mean get your coat. ------------ My sad site: A new way to be bored.

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Communication Attempt
Jingle Bell Hock


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I don't get it.If girls have sex their boyfriends will slaughter them and their family?

Would a condom have helped in this situation?

--------------------
"I love God,he's so deliciously evil!" -Stewie,Family Guy

The fun thing about standards is that they come in so many varieties.

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Ieuan ab Arthur
The First USA Noel


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Hi All:

92 billion and 1/2 people died to save the world from this senseless piece of tripe by not forwarding it. Yet there's always got to be one who thinks only of herself / himself, making the sacrifice of 92,000,000,000.5 people in vain.

Ronny's coming for you (and your little dog too) [Big Grin]

Ta ra 'wan,

Ieuan "the knife" ab Arthur

--------------------
"I e-mail or I don't e-mail. The magic just happens" - From OP in We've Got Mail

Y Gwir Yn Erbyn Y Byd

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DadOf3
Jingle Bell Hock


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quote:
Originally posted by Amigone201:
quote:
Originally posted by the Glurge Fairy:
92 billion and 1/2 people have died from not reposting this

How did half a person die? Did the other half live?
Does this mean we all get the opportunity to "see how the other half lives"?

I know, I know ... [fish]

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Tacitus
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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I cannot think that this is serious. CANNOT!
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Midgard_Dragon
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Why oh why must they put titles totally unrelated to the subject matter? I insist a new law be passed that forces all such stupidity to be properly labelled as such.

--------------------
Midgard Dragon
-==UDIC==-
MidgardDragon's MySpace

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candycane from strangers
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


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quote:
Originally posted by DadOf3:
quote:
Originally posted by Amigone201:
quote:
Originally posted by the Glurge Fairy:
92 billion and 1/2 people have died from not reposting this

How did half a person die? Did the other half live?
Does this mean we all get the opportunity to "see how the other half lives"?

I know, I know ... [fish]

[lol]

--------------------
Me: "He's 19? Uh oh, I bought him a beer."
A: "You contributed to the deliquency of a minor in drag!"
"Sweet spell check: keeping drunks off the radar since 1995."- IND
God Re-Animate Green Pork Bush

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Floater
Xboxing Day


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quote:
Originally posted by Communication Attempt:
I don't get it.If girls have sex their boyfriends will slaughter them and their family?

Would a condom have helped in this situation?

Maybe if Ronny's parents had used one (or the parents of the "author" of this piece of bovine excrement).

--------------------
Små hönor skall inte lägga stora ägg för då blir de slarviga i ändan

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Richard W
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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It doesn't even say that they had sex, though - if there's any point it appears to be that you shouldn't invite your boyfriend to meet your parents in case he kills them with a knife.

(What was the tapping sound, anyway? Him knocking at the door? Sinister.)

This must be a deliberate parody, surely... the spelling and punctuation are too good compared to the content, for one thing.

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Llewtrah
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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It seems to pull in bits from a couple of ULs. One about the psycho phone call that is really from another extension in the house and the other about the head being bounced on the car roof by the psycho. Maybe he then slaughters the family dog, hides himself under a surviving family member's bed and licks their hand in the night? After putting the turkey in a crib and stuffing and roasting the infant sibling?

--------------------
Messybeast Cat Resource Archive
Llewtrah's Soapbox

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Nonny Mouse, on Santa's laptop
Once in Royal Circuit City


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quote:
Originally posted by Floater:
quote:
Originally posted by Communication Attempt:
I don't get it.If girls have sex their boyfriends will slaughter them and their family?

Would a condom have helped in this situation?

Maybe if Ronny's parents had used one (or the parents of the "author" of this piece of bovine excrement).
Nah. The girl throws the condom in his face and the corner of the little foil packet scratches his cornea, causing him to scream in agony and clutch at his eye, forgetting about the knife in his hand and thereby stabbing himself through the eyeball and into the brain, much the way I felt like doing after reading this drivel.

Nonny

--------------------
When there isn't anything else worth analyzing, we examine our collective navel. I found thirty-six cents in change in mine the other day. Let no one say that there is no profit in philosophy. -- Silas Sparkhammer

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lazerus the duck
The First USA Noel


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quote:
Originally posted by Tantei Kid:
Slice, Slice, Ronny's stabbing knife came down upon their heads...

Ronny Edison studying in medicine.

--------------------
All the world's a face, And all the men and women merely acne.

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Spooky Cactus
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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quote:
Originally posted by lazerus the duck:
quote:
Originally posted by Tantei Kid:
Slice, Slice, Ronny's stabbing knife came down upon their heads...

Ronny Edison studying in medicine.
... no, it's no good. Nothing rhymes with 'Amber'. I am going to have that stuck in my head for about a week now, and it's always going to stop at that line. Help me out here!

--------------------
'When the world is dead and gone, we will still be Rocking On!' (J.P.McCartney)

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Ligeia
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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With this being MySpace crap, it doesn't have to actually rhyme anyway. It can just "sort of" rhyme. Why not use "scamper?" Or just use "Amber" again and hope no one notices you just rhymed a word with itself.

--------------------
Fight evil diaper rash!

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lazerus the duck
The First USA Noel


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Amber was quizzical; studied Metaphysical
Science in the home.
Late nights all alone with a test tube.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Ronny Edison, majoring in medicine,
Calls her and starts to purr.
"Can I take you out to the pictures,
A, aa, aa, mber?"

But as she's getting ready to go,
A knock comes on the door.

Slice! Slice! Ronny's silver dagger
Flashed across her throat
Dice! Dice! Maxwell's silver dagger
Made sure that she had croaked.

OK some painful rhymes in there I know.

--------------------
All the world's a face, And all the men and women merely acne.

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Nonny Mouse, on Santa's laptop
Once in Royal Circuit City


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quote:
Originally posted by Ligeia:
With this being MySpace crap, it doesn't have to actually rhyme anyway. It can just "sort of" rhyme. Why not use "scamper?" Or just use "Amber" again and hope no one notices you just rhymed a word with itself.

You could also use words like danger, anger, hanger, hammer, stranger, strangler, mangler, dangler, scammer, spammer, spanner, chandler, stammer, Grandma...

Nonny

--------------------
When there isn't anything else worth analyzing, we examine our collective navel. I found thirty-six cents in change in mine the other day. Let no one say that there is no profit in philosophy. -- Silas Sparkhammer

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Midgard_Dragon
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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I think the "..ammers" are the closest to being acceptable for amber. the "..angers" don't even sound close to me, the way I pronounce them.

--------------------
Midgard Dragon
-==UDIC==-
MidgardDragon's MySpace

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El Camino
We Three Blings


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This website estimates that 96.1 billion people have walked the face of this Earth ever. It also says that in the year 2000 there were about 6.2 billion. So according to those numbers, roughly 90 billion people have died, ever. Using more recent numbers, another estimate could have shown that about 92.5 billion people have died ever. Or perhaps 92 billion and a half people, I dunno. Since I doubt many people have died and reposted this, it's not unreasonably to estimate that 92.5 billion people have died and not posted this lovely piece of literature. Most if not all of the few who have have probably not died. Obviously, no one has actually died from not reposting it, but I'm guessing that's where that came from. Actually a little bit clever, I think.

Sadly, the rest is absolute crap that makes no sense. Ah well.

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Floater
Xboxing Day


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quote:
Originally posted by lazerus the duck:
Amber was quizzical; studied Metaphysical
Science in the home.

A wee slight correction: it's 'Pataphysical.

--------------------
Små hönor skall inte lägga stora ägg för då blir de slarviga i ändan

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Tarquin Farquart
The First USA Noel


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quote:
Originally posted by Floater:
quote:
Originally posted by lazerus the duck:
Amber was quizzical; studied Metaphysical
Science in the home.

A wee slight correction: it's 'Pataphysical.
Even has its own [url= http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%27pataphysics]Wikipedia page[/url] .

--------------------
I shall baffle you with cabbages and rhinoceroses in the kitchen and incessant quotations from "Now We Are Six" through the mouthpiece of Lord Snooty's giant poisoned electric head. So there!

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Floater
Xboxing Day


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According to Jarry 'pataphysics is to metaphysics what metaphysics is to physics.

--------------------
Små hönor skall inte lägga stora ägg för då blir de slarviga i ändan

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magpie
Deck the Malls


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There should be a hole where we can throw all this myspace crap in and bury it, never to be seen again.

Can this even count as Inboxer Rebellion if it only gets posted on MySpace and not passed around through emails?

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LeaflessMapleTree
The twelve shopping days 'til Christmas


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quote:
Slice! Slice! Ronny's silver dagger
Flashed across her throat
Dice! Dice! Maxwell's silver dagger
Made sure that she had croaked.

Another wee correction. Unless she was killed by two separate people.

--------------------
"For me, religion is like a rhinoceros: I don't have one, and I'd really prefer not to be trampled by yours. But it is impressive, and even beautiful, and, to be honest, the world would be slightly worse off if there weren't any."
-Silas Sparkhammer

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Rob D / Blackwolf, the yule dodo
Deck the Malls


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"Mrs Smith. I have good news, your husband is still alife. At least what's left of him anyways."

And for me that sounds more like a bad Teeny-horror movie like Scream or I know what you did last summer...
Scream, I know what you did last summer, you didn't forward the email!

--------------------
~Reality, the refuge of those who fail in RPGs~
aka Darkfist Dragon
-==(UDIC)==-

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Jay Temple
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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It sounds more like something Frank Drebin would say.

--------------------
"Well, it looks we're on our own ... again."--Rev. Lovejoy

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DemonWolf
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by Amigone201:
quote:
Originally posted by the Glurge Fairy:
92 billion and 1/2 people have died from not reposting this

How did half a person die? Did the other half live?
you've never heard of getting "scared half to death?"

Demon "1, 2, Ronny's coming for you" Wolf

--------------------
Friends are like skittles: they come in many colors, and some are fruity!

IMJW-052804

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TrishDaDish
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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Maybe he killed half of a conjoined twin set, then ran before he killed the other half?

Thanks for the earworm. Now I'm forced to watch Sgt Pepper's Loney Hearts Club Band to see Steve Martin butcher it.

Trish "Frampton comes alive..after he kills himself" DaDish

--------------------
I would prefer not to.
My blog

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onein6billion
Deck the Malls


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quote:
Originally posted by Amigone201:
quote:
Originally posted by the Glurge Fairy:
92 billion and 1/2 people have died from not reposting this

How did half a person die? Did the other half live?
I saw a documentary on Discovery about a woman who, due to a birth defect, had to have everything below her waist amputated as a child. She was the one in that Cris Angel pulling a woman in half video. Maybe the "author" considered that half a death?

--------------------
Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
"Divorce is not caused because 50% of marriages end in gayness." - Jon Stewart
my space on myspace--now showing "80's Video Of The Week"

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Don Enrico
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Half of my heart died reading the OP...

Don "from horror" Enrico

--------------------
My spelling is Wobbly. It's good spelling, but it Wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong places. - Pooh Bear

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