This is hysterical! Make sure you read the whole thing.
There is a serious message at the end, but you get to laugh on the way there.
For years and years they told me, Be careful of your breasts. Don't ever squeeze or bruise them. And give them monthly tests.
So I heeded all their warnings, And protected them by law. Guarded them very carefully, And I always wore my bra.
After 30 years of astute care, My gyno, Dr Pruitt, Said I should get a Mammogram "OK," I said, "let's do it."
"Stand up here real close" she said, (She got my boob in line), "And tell me when it hurts," she said, "Ah yes! Right there, that's fine."
She stepped upon a pedal, I could not believe my eyes! A plastic plate came slamming down, My hooters in a vise!
My skin was stretched and mangled, Fro m underneath my chin. My poor boob was being squashed, To Swedish Pancake thin.
Excruciating pain I felt, Within it's viselike grip. A prisoner in this vicious thing, My poor defenseless tit!
"Take a deep breath," she said to me, Who does! she think she's kidding?!? My chest is mashed in her machine, And woozy I am getting.
"There, that's good," I heard her say, (The room was slowly swaying.) "Now, let's have a go at the other one" Have mercy, I was praying.
It squeezed me from both up and down, It squeezed me from both sides. I'll bet SHE'S never had this done, To HER tender little hide.
Next time that they make me do this, I will request a blindfold I have no wish to see again, My knockers getting steam rolled.
If I had no problem when I came in, I surely have one now. If there had been a cyst in there, It would have gone "ker-pow!"
This machine was created by a man, Of this, I have no doubt.
I'd like to stick their balls in there,
And see how they come out!!
Mail this to 13 other females Now, don't break the chain! One female broke the chain, her plumbing became so bad, she now has an outhouse! OK gals, now that you have had your laugh, remember... Breast Cancer Awareness... Go have those boobs checked out and stay healthy! Pass the message on to your mothers, sisters, daughters, aunts, cousins, friends, --- and even your enemies. Because the WORST enemy is Breast Cancer!!
-------------------- Contact me for discounts Charter member WNDMDC "I am putting you on hold now.Listen to the elevator music and LIKE it."~My 'J' Posts: 1816 | From: NE, Oregon | Registered: Dec 2005
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quote:One female broke the chain, her plumbing became so bad, she now has an outhouse!
Ladies beware, failing to forward this miserable poem will move you back a century. And remember Breast Cancer is the WORST enemy, so if you have lung, pancreatic, lymph, uterine, or another cancer, you are a secondary concern.
-------------------- 'Hello, assorted humanoid strangers. You are standing casually in our forest. This bewilders us.' Blatherskite Posts: 950 | From: Cincinnati, Ohio | Registered: Sep 2005
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posted
The earliest version I can find is dated January, 2001. It did not have any "mail this to everyone you know" stuff. I can't find an attribution, It is often accompanied by this cartoon.
-------------------- The plural of "anecdote" is not "data." Posts: 4255 | From: Sacramento, CA | Registered: Feb 2000
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quote:Originally posted by YeeMum, final answer: Pass the message on to your mothers, sisters, daughters, aunts, cousins, friends, --- and even your enemies.
But screw your nieces. Ungrateful brats, they never call or write. I never once got a thank-you card from them for all the times I sent birthday or Christmas money. I always sent a present for their weddings and baby showers. I even sent cards when their kids graduated. But do I get anything from them? No. I hope they get cancer and die.
-------------------- IIRC, it wasn't the shoe bomber's loud prayers that sparked the takedown by the other passengers; it was that he was trying to light his shoe on fire. Very, very different. Canuckistan Posts: 3694 | From: Arizona | Registered: Aug 2005
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guruwan2b
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV
posted
My Mammy says she don't want no grammin'......
-------------------- Too much of this navel gazing and we'll disappear up our own arses. Danvers Carew Posts: 7465 | From: Oklahoma | Registered: Oct 2001
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I actually just had my first mammy grammy last week. After years of hearing how incredibly painful it would be, there was nothing to it. It was awkward and uncomfortable, but not painful. Is there something wrong with me?
-------------------- Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of -- but do it in private, and wash your hands afterwards.
- Lazarus Long Posts: 300 | From: Waldorf, MD | Registered: Jan 2006
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The stories of how painful it is certainly don't make me want to get one. But then, I was also warned that a regular gyno checkup/Pap smear would be painful, and I barely felt a thing.
-------------------- "There is no constitutional right to sleep with endangered reptiles." -- Carl Hiaasen Won't somebody please think of the adults! Posts: 8254 | From: Florida | Registered: Oct 2002
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quote:Originally posted by Megan's Mom: I actually just had my first mammy grammy last week. After years of hearing how incredibly painful it would be, there was nothing to it. It was awkward and uncomfortable, but not painful. Is there something wrong with me?
There's nothing wrong with you. Mammograms are ordinarily not painful, just a tad uncomfortable, and it only lasts a few seconds. My sister did my first two, and the piece in the OP makes her very angry because she said it scares women who don't know any better. But, they have one posted in each room where I go to get mine done here in town. Some can take a joke, and some cannot! I thought it was funny.
This is not to say that a mammogram will never be painful. I've heard that inflamation, cysts and other things can add to the discomfort, but I have no personal experience with that.
My doctor was diagnosed with breast cancer, discovered by her yearly mammogram, several years ago and, so far, is fine. She'd go to OK City once a week in the afternoon for her chemo and be at work the next morning. I don't know how she did it. She took very few days off after her lumpectomy, and even worked while she was losing her hair. She had beautiful red hair, and it grew back in ever prettier.
Hmmm. I really got wound up, didn't I? Oh, well. Ladies, get your mammies grammed. It can save your life!
-------------------- "This air we're breathing. Oxygen, isn't it?"~I’mNotDedalus, impersonating Vincent D’Onofrio.|"Sometimes trying to communicate can be like walking through a minefield."~wanderwoman "Give people a break. It's not easy doing a life."~Joshua Halberstam Posts: 4020 | From: Oklahoma | Registered: Nov 2005
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guruwan2b
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV
posted
The newer machines are much less painful than the ones from 10 years ago. I had one last year and it was tolerable. The first one that I had was very painful. It would also depend on the skill of the person running the machine. kim
-------------------- Too much of this navel gazing and we'll disappear up our own arses. Danvers Carew Posts: 7465 | From: Oklahoma | Registered: Oct 2001
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posted
I'll second what Signora said -- I find mammograms uncomfortable, and awkward, but not painful. I say "awkward" because, IME, there's a certain amount of manipulation by the technician, which is unlike any other experience I've had of people touching my breasts, clinically or sexually.
Pap smears, OTOH, have always caused me a bit of a twinge.
-------------------- How homophobic do you have to be to have penguin gaydar? - Lewis Black Posts: 8322 | From: Columbus, OH | Registered: Aug 2005
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Frogpond, that would be my slice of hell as well.
I, personally have been putting mine off for a few months because "I don't have the time"
I got it.
-------------------- Contact me for discounts Charter member WNDMDC "I am putting you on hold now.Listen to the elevator music and LIKE it."~My 'J' Posts: 1816 | From: NE, Oregon | Registered: Dec 2005
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Okay, YeeMammy, you started this, now go get your mammies grammed!
-------------------- "This air we're breathing. Oxygen, isn't it?"~I’mNotDedalus, impersonating Vincent D’Onofrio.|"Sometimes trying to communicate can be like walking through a minefield."~wanderwoman "Give people a break. It's not easy doing a life."~Joshua Halberstam Posts: 4020 | From: Oklahoma | Registered: Nov 2005
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posted
The one and ony time I've ever had a mammogram was about 10 years ago, when I was 20-something and had a breast infection for no apparent reason. I found the experience to be excruciating, but I don't know if it was because of the machine (or maybe the age of the machine, since someone has said they are different now) or because of the infection. Regardless, I certainly don't plan on letting that experience dter me from getting my baseline done in a couple of years.
-------------------- I'm an excellent speller, but a lousy typist. "Just so you know, the words 'just' and 'cramps' - they don't go together." - Ginger Snaps Posts: 323 | From: Chandler, AZ | Registered: Oct 2003
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I had one when I was 17 for what turned out to be nothing. Like others have said it was awkward but not terribly painful. (though I'm not sure that they were used to dealing with such youthful um material.)
I'm supposed to have the baseline this year. I'd been putting it off because some other issues but that seems to have resolved. How sad that that bit of boob glurge will get me to make the appointment.
Posts: 1168 | From: Missouri | Registered: Oct 2005
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-------------------- Contact me for discounts Charter member WNDMDC "I am putting you on hold now.Listen to the elevator music and LIKE it."~My 'J' Posts: 1816 | From: NE, Oregon | Registered: Dec 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Em: How do they deal with those of us without much to squish?
My sister has even had to do a mammogram on a male. She said that was quite difficult, but it can be done.
-------------------- "This air we're breathing. Oxygen, isn't it?"~I’mNotDedalus, impersonating Vincent D’Onofrio.|"Sometimes trying to communicate can be like walking through a minefield."~wanderwoman "Give people a break. It's not easy doing a life."~Joshua Halberstam Posts: 4020 | From: Oklahoma | Registered: Nov 2005
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