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Dobers
I Saw Three Shipments


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After living what I felt was a "decent" life, my time on earth came to the end. The first thing I remember is sitting on a bench in the waiting room of what I thought to be a court house.

The doors opened and I was instructed to come in and have a seat
by the defense table.

As I looked around I saw the "prosecutor."
He was a villainous looking gent who snarled as he stared at me.
He definitely was the most evil person I have ever seen.
I sat down and looked to my left and there sat My Attorney, a kind and gentle looking man whose appearance seemed so familiar
to me, I felt I knew Him.
The corner door flew open and there appeared the Judge in full flowing robes.
He commanded an awesome presence as He moved across the room. I couldn't take my eyes off Him.
As He took His seat behind the bench, He said, "Let us begin."

The prosecutor rose and said,
"My name is Satan and I am here to show you why this man
belongs in hell." He proceeded to tell of lies that I told, things that I stole,
and in the past when I cheated others. Satan told of other horrible
Perversions that were once in my life and the more he spoke, the
further
down in my seat I sank.
I was so embarrassed that I couldn't look at anyone, even my own
Attorney, as the Devil told of sins that even I had completely
forgotten about.
As upset as I was at Satan for telling all these things about
me, I was equally upset at My Attorney who sat there silently, not
offering any form of defense at all.
I know I had been guilty of those things, but I had done some
good in my life - couldn't that at least equal out part of the harm
I'd done?
Satan finished with a fury and said, "This man belongs in hell,
he is guilty of all that I have charged and there is not a person
who can prove otherwise."
When it was his turn, My Attorney first asked if He might
approach the bench.
The Judge allowed this over the strong objection of Satan,
and beckoned Him to come forward.
As He got up and started walking, I was able to see Him in
His full splendor and majesty.
I realized why He seemed so familiar; this was Jesus
representing me, my Lord and my Savior.
He stopped at the bench and softly said to the Judge, "Hi,
Dad," and then He turned to address the court.
"Satan was correct in saying that this man had sinned,
I won't deny any of these allegations.
And, yes, the wages of sin is death, and this man deserves to be
punished."
Jesus took a deep breath and turned to His Father with
outstretched arms and proclaimed, "However, I died on the cross so
that this person might have eternal life and he has accepted Me as his
Savior, so he is Mine."
My Lord continued with, "His name is written in the book of life
and no one can snatch him from Me.
Satan still does not understand. This man is not to be given
justice, but rather mercy."
As Jesus sat down, He quietly paused, looked at His Father and
said,
"There is nothing else that needs to be done. I've done it all."
The Judge lifted His mighty hand and slammed the gavel down.
The following words bellowed from His lips..

"This man is free."
The penalty for his sin has already been paid in full.

Case dismissed."
As my Lord led me away, I could hear Satan ranting and raving,
"I won't give up, I will win the next one." I asked Jesus as He
gave
me instructions where to go next, "Have you ever lost a case?"

Christ lovingly smiled and said,
"Everyone that has come to Me and asked Me to represent them
has received the same verdict as you,
~Paid In Full~
If you do not pass this along to 15 people immediately,
absolutely nothing will happen.
But passing this on to anyone you consider a friend,
(as I have done), will bless you both.
"Stop telling God how big your storm is.
Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!"

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Methuselah
Happy Holly Days


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Wow. It's like the glurgers are just giving up. This one isn't even slightly clever. They made no effort here.

It's not so much annoying as it is just pathetic.

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"The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him." - G.K. Chesterton

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pinqy
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
this was Jesus representing me, my Lord and my Savior. He stopped at the bench and softly said to the Judge, "Hi, Dad," and then He turned to address the court.

Objection. The prosecution must ask the judge to recuse himself on the grounds that his relationship with the defense attorney makes him prejudicial to the prosecution. On appeal, Mithras grants the motion, noting that the judge never found one of Jesus' clients guilty but subjected all others to cruel and unusual punishment. The bar association is considering action on censuring and removing the judge from the bench.

pinqy

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Don't Forget!
Winter Solstice Hanukkah Christmas Kwanzaa & Gurnenthar's Ascendance Are Coming!

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musicgeek
Deck the Malls


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quote:
"Stop telling God how big your storm is.
Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!"

I'm guessing that the storm doesn't give a crap. Jesus talked to a storm at least once, but being God incarnate he had a little bit more to back it up, wouldn't you say?

And the moral of the story apparently is "Be as stupid as you want; Jesus'll get the charges dismissed!" Great bit of moral instruction for our troubled times.

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[God said] "I'll just sit back in the shade while everyone gets laid; that's what I call intelligent design." - Chris Smither, "Origin of the Species"

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DawnStorm
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by pinqy:
[QUOTE][b]
Objection. The prosecution must ask the judge to recuse himself on the grounds that his relationship with the defense attorney makes him prejudicial to the prosecution.
pinqy

Yup, definitely a conflict of interest.

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Leashes?! We don't need no stinking leashes!!

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Rhea
We Three Blings


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Jesus is a lawyer?? [Eek!]

Somehow I'm very glad I'm not Christian...

... okay... give me the fish... [fish]

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Lydia Oh Lydia
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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LOL. Reminds me of this joke:

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in.

Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

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"My name is the symbol for my identity and must not be lost." Motto of the Lucy Stone League.

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Senior
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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YOMANK!

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Ad astra per asparagus.

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Aptenodytes_Forsteriis
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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When was Jesus admitted to the Bar? I want to see a Bar card right now or I am turning him in for practicing law without a license. How in the hell are we gonna keep our evil reputation intact if that namby pamby, "Prince of Peace", do-gooding son of God starts practicing?

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'Hello, assorted humanoid strangers. You are standing casually in our forest. This bewilders us.' Blatherskite

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Dumb Dane
Moose control


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Why not just write: "Jesus paid for all our sins". That is the simple truth of christianity. The only reason to cover it in slimy glurge is to make people get an emotional kick and maybe shed a tear.

The danish word for glurge means "emotion porn". I think that's a good disciption of things like this.

Dumb Dane

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I draw the prophet

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Mouse
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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quote:
Originally posted by Dumb Dane:

The danish word for glurge means "emotion porn". I think that's a good disciption of things like this.

Really? Wow, the danes have a word for everything.

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"You see? The mysteries of the Universe are revealed when you break stuff." Coop from MegasXLR

"I distrust who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." -- Susan B. Anthony

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Floater
Xboxing Day


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quote:
Originally posted by Mouse:
quote:
Originally posted by Dumb Dane:

The danish word for glurge means "emotion porn". I think that's a good disciption of things like this.

Really? Wow, the danes have a word for everything.
Googling for følelsesporno gave me 726 hits (and the Swedish equivalent känsloporr 578). However I don't feel that our words have the same religious connotation that glurge has. It's more about something being sickeningly sweet.

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Små hönor skall inte lägga stora ägg för då blir de slarviga i ändan

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Cowboy Joe
Deck the Malls


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quote:
Originally posted by Mouse:
quote:
Originally posted by Dumb Dane:

The danish word for glurge means "emotion porn". I think that's a good disciption of things like this.

Really? Wow, the danes have a word for everything.
It's true, they do. The Danish word for tasty pastry is "danish".

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"See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda." -George W. Bush, Greece, N.Y., May 24, 2005

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Floater
Xboxing Day


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quote:
Originally posted by Cowboy Joe:
It's true, they do. The Danish word for tasty pastry is "danish".

That's English. The Danish word is wienerbrød.

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Små hönor skall inte lägga stora ägg för då blir de slarviga i ändan

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Four Kitties
Layaway in a Manger


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quote:
Originally posted by Floater:
quote:
Originally posted by Cowboy Joe:
It's true, they do. The Danish word for tasty pastry is "danish".

That's English. The Danish word is wienerbrød.
Vienna bread?

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If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

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Floater
Xboxing Day


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quote:
Originally posted by Four Kitties:
quote:
Originally posted by Floater:
quote:
Originally posted by Cowboy Joe:
It's true, they do. The Danish word for tasty pastry is "danish".

That's English. The Danish word is wienerbrød.
Vienna bread?
Yes. One explanation I've heard is that the bread was invented by a baker in Copenhagen called Wiener, but I once read a theory that it might have come from Turkey via Vienna. Who knows the correct answer?

BTW, I once got a nice photo of a friend of mine who, in his best German, had asked a waitress in Berlin whether they had wienerbröd. She answered that Natürlich haben wir Wiener mit Brot. He had not expected the result of his order (I did know the difference, but was too mean tell him).

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Små hönor skall inte lägga stora ägg för då blir de slarviga i ändan

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Four Kitties
Layaway in a Manger


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quote:
Originally posted by Floater:
BTW, I once got a nice photo of a friend of mine who, in his best German, had asked a waitress in Berlin whether they had wienerbröd. She answered that Natürlich haben wir Wiener mit Brot. He had not expected the result of his order (I did know the difference, but was too mean tell him).

[lol]

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If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

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Lainie
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Floater -- I think "sickeningly sweet" is the original intended message of "glurge," too. It's just that much of the glurge that circulates in the US is religious, political, or a stomach-turning melange of the two. [Razz]

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How homophobic do you have to be to have penguin gaydar? - Lewis Black

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lavender blue
Jingle Bell Hock


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Now there's a question-what is glurge like in other countries? In America we get the religious and political ones along with a good amount of life-was-better-when. Does glurge in Germany long for the good old days of communism? Do glurgists in England advocate better morals through the Church of England? Do people in Spain even send glurge to other people, or is it just an American habit?

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catagenesis [evol]-evolution leading to decadence and decreased vigor.

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Liessa
Sunday Floody Sunday


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I've seen very little English glurge - Brits just don't go in for that sort of thing very much. Saccharine-sweet, heart-on-your-sleeve emoting is something Americans tend to get mocked for in this country. I guess there might be some Christian glurge around, but the UK isn't a very religious nation compared to the US.

The most common piece of glurge here is the 'footprints in the sand' story, which is sold on teatowels in just about every gift shop in the entire country. It's not so bad as these things go, but by the 35th time you've seen the same story it does tend to grate a little. Another one I've heard several times is a poem about how Fings Ain't Wot They Used To Be, and so we should all have compassion on those poor, confused oldies.

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me, no really
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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I've seen one about the US proving in recent times that they are not ready for independance, and so the UK is revoking independance and forcing things like real football, English spelling etc on the US, but that is more humour than glurge

me

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Check back often because the page changes often

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Major D. Saster
The First USA Noel


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In french-speaking european countries, most glurge you get is about love, friendship or generally being nice to others - it often comes as a little Powerpoint presentation with pictures of puppies, kittens or babies... glurge so sweet you could get diabetes just by reading it.

Sorry if can't show you an example here - I delete that crap at once.

Another popular style here is Powerpoint presentations lampooning bureaucrats or the high management - but then again, it's satire, not glurge.

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Desperate, but not serious.

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Gavida
Deck the Malls


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Well, I sometimes get german glurge that is just translated US-glurge.

But mostly it is:

Chainmails threatening with bad luck, or uncontrollable flatulences for the next 5 years, or not getting laid, or losing all the money and stuff like that if you do not pass the mail on to others.

"Funny" mails with aminations telling my it is so bad it is monday and we have to work again....

Or wednesday and it is so bad that the weekend is still so far away....

Or that it is friday and the weekend is there (sometimes even a second mail with loads of animated smilies in it to show how the weekend will be spent)

Mails with "pass this on and back to me or you are not a real friend" (it is irritating to get one of those with the oh-so-sweet fearies inside from your male buddy you already know for years [Eek!] )

Powerpoint presentations ranging from funny stuff to annoying baby-pet-pictures with lame comments on them...

Jokes.... tons of it.... sometimes even good ones.

Not much religious glurge and surely no patriotic stuff (many germans seem to have a problem with being patriotic anyways, because they are considered far right or worse at once [Wink] )

Gavida
(not sure if this is represantative for all german mail-spam [Big Grin] )

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"He looked bigger when I couldn't see him" - Jayne Cobb

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Major D. Saster
The First USA Noel


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Gavida,

Thanks for the funny insight - however, I've recently been spammed with a lot of far-right, nauseating foreigners-are-all-criminals-get-them-out-Germany-to-the-Germans sort of brown crap.

So, unfortunately, it exists.

Schönen Abend,

Major D.

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Desperate, but not serious.

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Gavida
Deck the Malls


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Well, maybe I was lucky that I was spared from this brown stuff.

I would prefer even the most glurgey.....well, glurge to that kind of crap.

Better five "Jesus-is-my-Attorney-and-lives-in-a-little-boy's-dying-heart-hiding-in-a-cave" glurges than one of those.

Gavida

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"He looked bigger when I couldn't see him" - Jayne Cobb

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Major D. Saster
The First USA Noel


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I wholeheartidly agree.

But let's go back to the topic.

This attorney glurge is so ridiculous (have you noticed, it implies that they let Satan into heaven to play the prosecutor... that's quite strange from a theological point of view). Maybe the classical prayer should be rewritten as follows :

The Lord is my lawyer
I shall not fear
And when I stand in front of the Heavenly Court
And the Attorney General wants my head
I shall get off scott-free
For He will save my bacon
Being the Judges Daddy's boy [lol]

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Desperate, but not serious.

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Ulkomaalainen
Jingle Bell Hock


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And immediately distressing from the OP's topic again, sorry for that.

I think Davida gave quite an accurate account of chain mails in Germany. The closest it comes to "glurge" as in the US is really puppies telling how sweet life is. That makes you sick, too, all right, but it's not as bad.

The use of chain mails to get political points across seems quite "USA", and then, I've yet to see some real "lefty" propaganda (does it exist?), I only see it from the right. "The Left" seems to be missing an opportunity here... About religion: it seems more relaxed here. We've got about a third of agnostics, Catholics and Lutherans each (with some "major minorities"), and hardly anyone cares who others are, let alone convince them (the most outspoken group may be even the agnostics).

BTW, the above mentioned far right "chain mails" from germany were not caused by people sending them around voluntarily, AFAIK it was a virus who caused this utter rubbish.

Bye, Ulkomaalainen

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Movie characters never make typing mistakes.

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coleus
A View to a Krill


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/hijack/ Dang. Four Kitties is smart. I saw wienerbrød and immediately thought, "Why would anyone consider a hot dog bun a tasty pastry?" /hijack/

I don't think that the devil would actually be there. I mean, he's got every lawyer on the planet working for him. I'm sure one of them would be willing to take the case.

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Eve MG
Happy Holly Days


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quote:
Originally posted by Major D. Saster:
This attorney glurge is so ridiculous (have you noticed, it implies that they let Satan into heaven to play the prosecutor... that's quite strange from a theological point of view).

Not really - in the book of Job, Satan is apparently hanging out with God and the angels:
quote:

Job 1:6 One day the angels came to present themselves before the LORD, and Satan also came with them.

And what is with the little "I can solve all your life's problems with this one little sentence" crap being tacked on to the end? How does the storm thing even fit with the story? This isn't about hardship, it's about forgiveness! At least make the glurges match!

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I love dairy! Does that mean I can't be a vegan?

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gizard
I Saw Three Shipments


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IMO glurge is nothing more than a biblical story in todays world. Getting the point across, reguardless of an occurance (see as an example, not as a hoodwinking affair) is only intended for those who believe to draw stregnth on- a reminder if you will.

Think of it more as lab examples. If you were to drop a ball it would land on the ground because the earth draws the ball to it. I didn't actually drop one but it brings up the point of gravity.

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Major D. Saster
The First USA Noel


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[/QUOTE]Not really - in the book of Job, Satan is apparently hanging out with God and the angels:
quote:

Job 1:6 One day the angels came to present themselves before the LORD, and Satan also came with them.

I knew about that, but I noticed that both clerics and christian fundamentalists hate to talk about the book of Job : it contains much too much disturbing elements for their peace of mind, like God betting with the Devil, or slaughtering innocent people - Job's family and servants - just to try Job's faith, and thus acting with the same ruthless cruelty as any other ancient deity.

I had quite a religious education, and I remember it was the book of Job that led me into questioning the dogma and think by myself for the first time (at the age of 13)... I've grown atheist since.

So, this "Satan being the Attorney General of Heaven"-thing is quite peculiar in a glurge. Usually, glurge loves simplistic black-and-white visions.

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Desperate, but not serious.

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