snopes.com Post new topic  Post a reply
search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Hello snopes.com » Archived Forums » Glurge Archive » The Letter

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: The Letter
TrishDaDish
Let There Be PCs on Earth


Icon 215 posted      Profile for TrishDaDish   Author's Homepage   E-mail TrishDaDish   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Great. Now Jesus is emailing me.

quote:
THE LETTER

Dear friend,

How are you? I just had to send a note to tell you how much I care about you.

I saw you yesterday as you were talking with your friends. I waited all day hoping you would want to talk with me too. I gave you a sunset to close your day and a cool breeze to rest you-and I waited. You never came. It hurt me-but I still love you because I am your friend.

I saw you sleeping last night and longed to touch your brow so I spilled moonlight upon your face. Again I waited, wanting to rush down so we could talk. I have so many gifts for you! You awoke and rushed off to work. My tears were in the rain.

If you would only listen to me! I love you! I try to tell you in the blue skies and in the quiet green grass. I whisper it in leaves on the trees and breathe it in colors of flowers, shout it to you in mountain streams, give the birds love songs to sing. I clothe you with the warm sunshine and perfume the air with nature scents. My love for you is deeper than the ocean, and bigger than the biggest need in your heart!

Ask me! Talk with me! Please don't forget me. I have so much to share with you!

I won't hassle you any further. It is YOUR decision. I have chosen you and I will wait--

I love you. Your friend,
JESUS

Is Jesus stalking me now? [Eek!]

--------------------
I would prefer not to.
My blog

Posts: 4789 | From: Rhode Island | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Elbe
Little Sales Drummer Boy


Icon 218 posted      Profile for Elbe   Author's Homepage   E-mail Elbe   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by TrishDaDish:
Ask me! Talk with me! Please don't forget me. I have so much to share with you!

Now Jesus is begging. Geez, that's such a turn-off in a deity.

Still, it's better than the endless supply of prescription drug spam I get.

--------------------
Nobody loves Elbe...
-The Adventure of the Avatar Tutorials (3/29)

Posts: 2776 | From: Chicago, IL | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Open Mike Night
Little Sales Drummer Boy


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Open Mike Night     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Dear Jesus,

It's not you it's me. You are really a special individual, but I'm not ready to settle down yet. Please stop touching me when I'm sleeping. I would take away your key, but being omnipresent, that wouldn't help so please control yourself. Maybe in a few years, when I'm ready for a relationship, we'll see. But for right now, you need someone who can love you back.

Mike

P.S. again, please stop touching me when I'm sleeping. That freaks me out.

--------------------
On the crusade to eliminate Moral Asshattery wherever it exists
Member: AAMAH

Posts: 2940 | From: Michigan | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
guruwan2b
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


Icon 1 posted      Profile for guruwan2b   Author's Homepage   E-mail guruwan2b   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
At least he doesn't tell you about his gout and prostrate problems.... [Big Grin]

--------------------
Too much of this navel gazing and we'll disappear up our own arses.
Danvers Carew

Posts: 7465 | From: Oklahoma | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
strange_little_girl
The First USA Noel


Icon 1 posted      Profile for strange_little_girl   E-mail strange_little_girl   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
I saw you yesterday as you were talking with your friends. I waited all day hoping you would want to talk with me too. I gave you a sunset to close your day and a cool breeze to rest you-and I waited. You never came. It hurt me-but I still love you because I am your friend.

I saw you sleeping last night and longed to touch your brow so I spilled moonlight upon your face. Again I waited, wanting to rush down so we could talk. I have so many gifts for you! You awoke and rushed off to work. My tears were in the rain.

Dear Jesus,
Please stop stalking me!

Me

--------------------
I tried to get in touch with my inner child, but she isn't allowed to talk
to strangers.

Posts: 674 | From: Scotland | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Bela Lugosi's Dead
The Red and the Green Stamps


Icon 1 posted            Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Thats funny, because I got THIS letter in my email the other day as well...

Dear Mortal,

Ho and salutations, midgaardian! Long has been the hour of our last talk, and sullen has been the heart of this warrior of Asgaard! Hath thou not the time to send email? Hath thou no desire to converse with the Odinson?

For the trolls and ettins were great and mighty, and lo would they have brought their clubs to bear against thine fragile, mortal flesh. But fear not, for the thundergod hath slain them with mighty mojilnr. And yet, no thanks for the this?

I, who conjure thunder and strike the ogres with bolts of lightning, am brought low by thine games! Hath thou not the time to ease the ache and suffering in the Odinson's heart? Canst thou not bring forth good will for he that will save thee from Ragnarok? Come to the halls of Gladsheim with me, and in my father's hall we shall drink mead and tell tales of might and valor.

But, if thou hast not the time, then the Odinson will hang his head low and wait for thy call.

Love, Thor

I got one from Tiamat too...but I put her on my block list. That bitch is CRAZY!

IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Allison
Tennessee Ernie Ford


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Allison   E-mail Allison   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Bela Lugosi's Dead:
I got one from Tiamat too...but I put her on my block list. That bitch is CRAZY!

Dude, try dealing with KALI for a while! Her letter caused my hard drive to melt, and I'm not 100% sure my failure to respond was a smart thing to do - there are all these skulls piling up everywhere I go!

But she doesn't touch me while I'm sleeping.

Allison

--------------------
If a million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.
Anatole France

Posts: 1576 | From: Denver, CO | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
The Ota Faction
Happy Holly Days


Icon 88 posted      Profile for The Ota Faction   Author's Homepage   E-mail The Ota Faction   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
This glurge is just one sentence short of a suicide note.

--------------------
"Tell me what you eat, and I will tell you what you are." - Anthelme Brillat-Savarin
"That lonely recluse who lives down the road is crying out. So is that pregnant teenager. And the prostitute. And the drunkard."
Join the Free State Project - I did!

Posts: 1516 | From: *sigh* Elmira, NY | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Canuckistan
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Canuckistan   E-mail Canuckistan   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by TrishDaDish:
I saw you sleeping last night and longed to touch your brow so I spilled moonlight upon your face.

And all this time I thought I was the only one with a brow fetish. It's good to know I'm no longer alone in the world.

--------------------
People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

Posts: 8429 | From: New York run by the Swiss (Toronto) | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Bela Drosmorr 100
The First USA Noel


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Bela Drosmorr 100   E-mail Bela Drosmorr 100   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Again I waited, wanting to rush down so we could talk.
Well, Jesus, you're a cool guy and all, but last time we talked, it was a little one-sided. How about contributing to the conversation sometime?

ETA: Just got this today:

quote:
Dear Bela,

We should hang out sometime. Or not. It's up to you. It's all good.

Peace,
Buddha



--------------------
But that's ok, darling, because I love you. And that's why you have to let me eat your brains. -- Return of the Living Dead

Posts: 767 | From: Corpus Christi, TX | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Bela Lugosi's Dead
The Red and the Green Stamps


Icon 1 posted            Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
I saw you sleeping last night and longed to touch your brow so I spilled moonlight upon your face.
um...that wasn't moonlight, Jesus....

quote:
You awoke and rushed off to work. My tears were in the rain.
That didn't smell like rain to me...or tears, either.

quote:
I clothe you with the warm sunshine and perfume the air with nature scents.
Uh, yeah..."nature scents". Sure, I guess you could call those natural...
IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
The Rubber Chicken
The First USA Noel


Icon 1 posted      Profile for The Rubber Chicken   Author's Homepage     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Huh... well this letter explains everything but the anal probe.

--------------------
Visit my blog, Websurdity... the Weird, the Bizarre, the Silly, the Absurd.

Posts: 716 | From: Seoul, South Korea | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
the Virgin Marrya
Let There Be PCs on Earth


Icon 1 posted      Profile for the Virgin Marrya     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Oh, that was just part of your initiation.

--------------------
Windows cannot open this file. To open this file correctly, defenestrate, then try running the file again...

Posts: 5383 | From: New Zealand | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Tantei Kijo
The First USA Noel


Icon 103 posted      Profile for Tantei Kijo   Author's Homepage   E-mail Tantei Kijo   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:

If you would only listen to me! I love you! I try to tell you in the blue skies and in the quiet green grass. I whisper it in leaves on the trees and breathe it in colors of flowers, shout it to you in mountain streams, give the birds love songs to sing. I clothe you with the warm sunshine and perfume the air with nature scents. My love for you is deeper than the ocean, and bigger than the biggest need in your heart!

What a cad! Claiming He made the grass etc. just for one person is like writing a love poem and giving it to every person He sees saying He wrote it just for them.

--------------------
Bender: Though you may have to make a metaphorical "deal with the devil". And by "devil", I mean the robot devil, and by "metaphorically" I mean get your coat. ------------ My sad site: A new way to be bored.

Posts: 722 | From: Colorado | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Pogue Ma-humbug
Happy Christmas (Malls are Open)


Icon 401 posted      Profile for Pogue Ma-humbug   E-mail Pogue Ma-humbug   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Jesus waffles

--------------------
Let's drink to the causes in your life:
Your family, your friends, the union, your wife.

Posts: 11325 | From: Kentucky | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Pogue Ma-humbug
Happy Christmas (Malls are Open)


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Pogue Ma-humbug   E-mail Pogue Ma-humbug   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by TrishDaDish:
THE LETTER

Dear friend,

If you would only listen to me! I love you! I try to tell you in the blue skies and in the quiet green grass. I whisper it in leaves on the trees and breathe it in colors of flowers, shout it to you in mountain streams, give the birds love songs to sing. I clothe you with the warm sunshine and perfume the air with nature scents.

I've got it! Jesus is a woman, who wants to talk in codes and have you guess what she really wants.

If Jesus were a guy, he'd simply slap you in the head and say, "Hey, how's it hanging?"

Pogue

--------------------
Let's drink to the causes in your life:
Your family, your friends, the union, your wife.

Posts: 11325 | From: Kentucky | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Tootsie Plunkette
Buy a Torch, Jeanette, Isabella


Icon 210 posted      Profile for Tootsie Plunkette   Author's Homepage     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by TrishDaDish:
I saw you sleeping last night and longed to touch your brow so I spilled moonlight upon your face. Again I waited, wanting to rush down so we could talk. I have so many gifts for you!

Suddenly it all makes sense - "Jesus is King"...

 -

--------------------
--Tootsie

Posts: 5017 | From: Greater Seattle | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Damian
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Damian   E-mail Damian   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Dear Jesus,

several years ago, some planes flew into some buildings in New York, killing thousands of people. Last year, a Tsunami killed hundreds of thousands more.

Instead of watching me while I slept, perhaps you should have been helping them.

Every year, millions of people suffer and die from hunger, disease and war.

Perhaps you may consider helping them and leaving me the Hell alone.

Please remove me from your mailing list, do not attempt to contact me, and do not come into my house uninvited.

I will seek a restraining order if need be.

--------------------
"I always tell the truth. Even when I lie." - Tony Montana

Posts: 890 | From: Melbourne, Australia | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Bela Lugosi's Dead
The Red and the Green Stamps


Icon 1 posted            Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Damian:


Please remove me from your mailing list, do not attempt to contact me, and do not come into my house uninvited.

I've heard he comes as a thief in the night...
IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
diddy
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


Icon 1 posted      Profile for diddy   E-mail diddy   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Tootsie Plunkette:
quote:
Originally posted by TrishDaDish:
I saw you sleeping last night and longed to touch your brow so I spilled moonlight upon your face. Again I waited, wanting to rush down so we could talk. I have so many gifts for you!

Suddenly it all makes sense - "Jesus is King"...

 -

That is Hilarious Tootsie. I love it, now just fill out this voucher for a new keyboard that you now owe....

--------------------
W.W.F.S.M.D?
But this image of Bush as some sort of Snidely Whiplash tying the fair maiden to the railroad tracks is beyond the pale. - Joe Bentley

Posts: 2311 | From: Minnnesota | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
DawnStorm
Let There Be PCs on Earth


Icon 214 posted      Profile for DawnStorm   E-mail DawnStorm   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Give me a ticket for an aero-plane....
[fish]

--------------------
Leashes?! We don't need no stinking leashes!!

Posts: 4771 | From: The Berkeley of the East Coast: Montgomery County MD | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
ParaDiddle
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


Icon 1 posted      Profile for ParaDiddle   E-mail ParaDiddle       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by DawnStorm:
Give me a ticket for an aero-plane....
:fish:

Thanx for getting that one stuck in my head. . . Really, I mean, thanks. That song is cool as hell! I used to sing it as a kid when my siblings and I invented karaoke.

- P

Posts: 1856 | From: Milwaukee, WI | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
DawnStorm
Let There Be PCs on Earth


Icon 04 posted      Profile for DawnStorm   E-mail DawnStorm   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Oh, you're welcome! That's the first thing that came to mind when I saw the thread title. [Big Grin]

--------------------
Leashes?! We don't need no stinking leashes!!

Posts: 4771 | From: The Berkeley of the East Coast: Montgomery County MD | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
noreen
We Three Blings


Icon 88 posted      Profile for noreen     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by DawnStorm:
Give me a ticket for an aero-plane....
[fish]

That was what came to my mind

--------------------
"No matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out there. Type in 'Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire' and the computer will say, 'Specify type of goat.'"

Posts: 1112 | From: Ohio | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
vfdj42
The Red and the Green Stamps


Icon 1 posted            Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Dear Jesus,
Listen, I'm sorry, but our relationship is over. You were too clingy and this letter doesn't help the situation. I need my space. And what the hell is this about watching me when I sleep?! Jesus Christ, if you don't cut this out, I'm going to get a restraining order put on you--I swear to God! And you know, that moonlight *stained.*
I need some time alone. Give me some space, lay off me, please. You're too needy and desperate. You're the son of God--you don't need me. You can see other people. We're just not right for each other. Sorry.
Sincerely,
"We can't still be friends, either!" J

IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
AndrewR
I Saw Three Shipments


Icon 1 posted      Profile for AndrewR   E-mail AndrewR   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
How about a cartoon version of Jesus The Stalker? It's one of a series called Jesus - A Superhero for the Modern Age, by a poster at b3ta.com [Smile]
Posts: 61 | From: UK | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Turning_Turning
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Turning_Turning     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Plunkette-YOMANK! [Big Grin]
Posts: 24 | From: New Zealand | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.

Instant Graemlins
   


Post new topic  Post a reply Close topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Urban Legends Reference Pages

Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classic™ 6.7.2