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Author Topic: If this is what it is to be a girl, kill me now...
falimako
The Red and the Green Stamps


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I searched for this, but didn't see it posted anywhere else.

quote:
National Girlfriend Week
I am only as strong as the coffee I drink, the hairspray I use and the friends I have.
To the cool women that have touched my life. Here's to you!

National Girlfriends Day

What would most of us do without our sisters, confidants, shopping, lunching, and traveling girls?
Let's celebrate each other for each other's sake!


TO MY GIRLFRIENDS!
If you get this twice you know you have more than one girlfriend. Be Happy!
PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO ALL OF YOUR GIRLFRIENDS AND RETURN IT TO THE FRIEND WHO SENT IT TO YOU!


It is good to be a woman:
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
3. Taxis stop for us.
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.
6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
13. We will never regret piercing our ears.
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening
anyway.

What makes it more annoying is that I got it from someone I know online who I have never really got on with that well.

P.s. Hi, Newbie here!

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NansJns
The Red and the Green Stamps


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Aw, geez, not another one of these! We did something similar awhile back, but not quite the same. Why must these things make both sexes look bad? At least this one is short; still pretty annoying, though.

It's late, so I'll just do some quickies:

quote:
I am only as strong as the coffee I drink, the hairspray I use and the friends I have.
Uh-huh. So to feel good about ourselves, we need to belittle ourselves first? Gosh, I never would have thought of that!

quote:
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
Says you, honey!

quote:
5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.
What's wrong with speedos? [Confused] I kinda like speedos. And there are speedos for women, too, so doesn't that blow this argument out of the water? (pun intended.)

quote:
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
We don't have to, but that doesn't mean we don't! [Wink] [Razz]

quote:
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
Hey, they can get stolen, you know! [fish]


*~*NansJns*~*

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Mitochondrial Steve
Deck the Malls


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quote:
8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
Apparently this person has never watched beach volleyball, or women's wrestling.

Some of those grabs look uncomfortable..

--------------------
"America can, should, must and will blow up the moon."

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Laura
The Red and the Green Stamps


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I look worse than a frog in a blender when i'm dancing. This is why i never dance unless drunk.
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Mojo Jojo
The Red and the Green Stamps


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My friend and I (both female) are highly amused when we pass gas, thank you very much. [Smile]
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Open Mike Night
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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Wow, how demeaning is that to women.

quote:
1. We got off the Titanic first.

If you had the fortune of being connected to the right male person. I bet quite a few poor women several floors below the deck went down in the pandemonium.

quote:
We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.

That's called manipulation - and it's unethical. The kicker is, that the writer assumes all bosses are males.

quote:
3. Taxis stop for us.

Not in my neck of the woods honey - if you don't have a car or a ride already, you best not be wearing high heels.

quote:
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

According to who?

quote:
5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.

Give me the speedo any day

quote:
6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.

Men may find passing gas amusing, but don't have to pass gas to be amused. I find Benny Hill amusing, but don't have to watch him to be amused.

quote:
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

If we forget to shave, we can say we are growing a beard, no one is going to ask if we are on the East German Olympic team.

quote:
8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.

And we can run into an old friend without screaming and hugging - not that all women do, but I'm sure the one who wrote this does.

quote:
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

As long as men are men and women have access to knives, men will check periodically to make sure things are intact. It comes with having one of your more precious possessions placed on the outside of your body. Oh, and quit adjusting your bra strap.

quote:
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

See #5

quote:
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

We don't have to, but as long as you can, why not?

quote:
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.

Fair enough - note, it doesn't exactly say that men will look like idiots.

quote:
13. We will never regret piercing our ears.

I've never regretted peircing mine, how are you going to feel about that tatoo on the small of your back, just above the waist in the next 40 years?

quote:
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

Pretty good life you have if that's all it takes.

quote:
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.

I wonder why they aren't listening to you - This list might be exhibit one.

--------------------
On the crusade to eliminate Moral Asshattery wherever it exists
Member: AAMAH

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Minstrel gone caroling
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by falimako:

quote:
National Girlfriend Week
I am only as strong as the coffee I drink, the hairspray I use and the friends I have.


I don't drink coffee or use hairspray. Guess that means I'm a total wuss.

Dear Woman Who Wrote This Tripe:

Shut up and go away. You make those of us who actually like using our brains look bad by association. It's probably your fault women get paid less than men do, your fault the Roman Catholic Church won't ordain women, and your fault no woman has been elected president of the US. Just go away.

Sincerely,
Your irritated "sister"

--------------------
Last year's goat was burned down by vandals dressed up as Santa Claus and the Gingerbread Man. They were never caught.
My blog. The Adventures of the Fish O'Thwacking.
Countdown: 177 days (or less!)

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DawnStorm
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by detroitminstrel in technicolor:
quote:
Originally posted by falimako:

quote:
National Girlfriend Week
I am only as strong as the coffee I drink, the hairspray I use and the friends I have.


I don't drink coffee or use hairspray. Guess that means I'm a total wuss.


"

Well that makes two of us, 'cause I don't drink coffee or use hairspray either. Does this mean we're men? [Confused]

--------------------
Leashes?! We don't need no stinking leashes!!

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Minstrel gone caroling
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by Dobermans Know They Are CooL:
quote:
Originally posted by detroitminstrel in technicolor:
quote:
Originally posted by falimako:

quote:
National Girlfriend Week
I am only as strong as the coffee I drink, the hairspray I use and the friends I have.


I don't drink coffee or use hairspray. Guess that means I'm a total wuss.


"

Well that makes two of us, 'cause I don't drink coffee or use hairspray either. Does this mean we're men? [Confused]
Are we? I never knew! Uh-oh, my husband's going to be upset when he finds out our marriage isn't legal in this state! [lol]

--------------------
Last year's goat was burned down by vandals dressed up as Santa Claus and the Gingerbread Man. They were never caught.
My blog. The Adventures of the Fish O'Thwacking.
Countdown: 177 days (or less!)

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Four Kitties
Layaway in a Manger


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I do drink coffee, but I don't use hairspray. Do I want to know what that makes me?!?

Four Kitties

--------------------
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

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Cervus
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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So, in order to be a strong woman I have to have gigantic 80's hair and drink black coffee? And surround myself with other females? Yuuch.

--------------------
"There is no constitutional right to sleep with endangered reptiles." -- Carl Hiaasen
Won't somebody please think of the adults!

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DawnStorm
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by Four Calico Kitties:
I do drink coffee, but I don't use hairspray. Do I want to know what that makes me?!?

Four Kitties

A hermaphrodite?
[Big Grin]

--------------------
Leashes?! We don't need no stinking leashes!!

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Four Kitties
Layaway in a Manger


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quote:
Originally posted by Dobermans Know They Are CooL:
quote:
Originally posted by Four Calico Kitties:
I do drink coffee, but I don't use hairspray. Do I want to know what that makes me?!?

Four Kitties

A hermaphrodite?
[Big Grin]

So then the answer to my question is *no*

--------------------
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

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vanilla
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Holy crap! I'm a man?!!? [Eek!]

Damn, DH is gonna be pissed! Especially when I told him my tits are real!

vanilla(stupid glurge changing my gender)pink

--------------------
I swear, it was funnier in my head.
Yeah, I used to be pink. vanilla_pink.

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moonfall86
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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I only drink coffee and use hairspray sometimes. What does that mean about me?
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Zorro
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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quote:
Originally posted by detroitminstrel in technicolor:
quote:
Originally posted by Dobermans Know They Are CooL:
quote:
Originally posted by detroitminstrel in technicolor:
quote:
Originally posted by falimako:

quote:
National Girlfriend Week
I am only as strong as the coffee I drink, the hairspray I use and the friends I have.


I don't drink coffee or use hairspray. Guess that means I'm a total wuss.


"

Well that makes two of us, 'cause I don't drink coffee or use hairspray either. Does this mean we're men? [Confused]
Are we? I never knew! Uh-oh, my husband's going to be upset when he finds out our marriage isn't legal in this state! [lol]
Add me to the list of females who don't use hairpray or drink coffee. Come to think of it, I always have to have control of the remote, too...maybe I really AM a man!! [Eek!] [Confused]

--------------------
"Seize the day! Make your lives extraordinary!"
-John Keating, "Dead Poets Society"

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Wizard of Yendor
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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quote:
Originally posted by Zorro:
Add me to the list of females who don't use hairpray or drink coffee. Come to think of it, I always have to have control of the remote, too...maybe I really AM a man!! [Eek!] [Confused]

Hey, it's not that bad...
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The Incredible Elisa
The Red and the Green Stamps


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Add me to the list of gals who don't use hairspray or drink coffee.
To the writer of this glurge:
I'm a woman who respects herself and considers herself equal to men. I, frankly, think manipulating bosses with feminine issues is pathetic; men aren't all drooling, sex-obsessed freaks who are below women; and Bjork's swan dress is worse than *any* other fashion faux pas.
Oh, and maybe it's just me, but hard hair is a major turn-off.

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gift-wrapped smittykins
Deck the Malls


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quote:
Originally posted by Zorro:
quote:
Originally posted by detroitminstrel in technicolor:
quote:
Originally posted by Dobermans Know They Are CooL:
quote:
Originally posted by detroitminstrel in technicolor:
quote:
Originally posted by falimako:

quote:
National Girlfriend Week
I am only as strong as the coffee I drink, the hairspray I use and the friends I have.


I don't drink coffee or use hairspray. Guess that means I'm a total wuss.


"

Well that makes two of us, 'cause I don't drink coffee or use hairspray either. Does this mean we're men? [Confused]
Are we? I never knew! Uh-oh, my husband's going to be upset when he finds out our marriage isn't legal in this state! [lol]
Add me to the list of females who don't use hairpray or drink coffee. Come to think of it, I always have to have control of the remote, too...maybe I really AM a man!! [Eek!] [Confused]
Me too! Me too! Althought I can't say I get control of the remote much, I freely admit to changing the radio station as often as I can get away with...
[lol]

smitty"according to my doctor, I do have a high testosterone level"kins

--------------------
"We're all entitled to a few eccentricities, provided they don't harm anyone, break the law, or cause a public nuisance"--James Qwilleran, The Cat Who Dropped A Bombshell(Lillian Jackson Braun)
Member AAMAH

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Four Kitties
Layaway in a Manger


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quote:
Originally posted by The Incredible Elisa:
I'm a woman who respects herself and considers herself equal to men.

No no, Elisa, don't sell yourself so short! [lol]

quote:
I married beneath me. All women do.
-- Lady Nancy Astor

Four Kitties

--------------------
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

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trollface
The Bills of St. Mary's


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quote:
Open Mike Night said:
I bet quite a few poor women several floors below the deck went down in the pandemonium.

Well, it was their last chance.

moonfall86, I call them girlie-men.

--------------------
seriously , everyone on here , just trys to give someone crap about something they do !! , its shitting me to tears.

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GranolaSuicideSpawn
The Red and the Green Stamps


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quote:
Originally posted by Zorro:

Add me to the list of females who don't use hairpray or drink coffee. Come to think of it, I always have to have control of the remote, too...maybe I really AM a man!! [Eek!] [Confused] [/QUOTE]

Holy crap! I never use hairspray and don't touch coffee; but I DEFINITELY have to have the remote at all times. I've often wondered if that fact alone made me a man; now I know for sure. I also think farting is hilarious; so long as it's me doing it. Thank god for this glurge writer; I can go get a divorce from my husband now.

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Don Enrico
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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I drink lots of coffee and did use hairspray some time ago (it's rather hairwax today) - probably that's why I have to manually check whether I'm still a man now and then...

ETA: Dear femal snopsters and all other females I know: Please rest assured that I do not take the writer of this glurge as an example for how women think!

--------------------
My spelling is Wobbly. It's good spelling, but it Wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong places. - Pooh Bear

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Speaker for the Dead
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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I'm surprised no men have mentioned this: we're not checking on our packages, we're reorganising them! Things can get awfully bendy and uncomfortable if one's moving about all day.
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PJC
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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quote:
Originally posted by GranolaSuicideSpawn:
Thank god for this glurge writer; I can go get a divorce from my husband now.

Technically, I think it'd be an anullment. [Smile]
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mapper
The Red and the Green Stamps


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To me the most frustrating thing about this list is the knowledge that some of my fellow women, in an attempt to feel "solidarity with their girlfriends", will take this to heart and start espousing this bullpoop.

Of course that will probably drastically reduce the likelihood that they will procreate, leaving less idiot genes in the next generation.

When will we learn that self esteem does not imply that everyone else sucks except for you?

Or maybe it's just that I haven't had my coffee or fixed my hair yet this morning. And I have cramps.

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smilodonna
The Red and the Green Stamps


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quote:
Originally posted by trollface:
quote:
Open Mike Night said:
I bet quite a few poor women several floors below the deck went down in the pandemonium.

Well, it was their last chance.
Oh my god, there's orange juice everywhere. YOMANK, trollface.
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