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Author Topic: Anti-Glurge: A prayer for the stressed
Liessa
Sunday Floody Sunday


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A prayer for the stressed

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill today because they got on my nerves.

Also help me to be careful of the toes I step on today as they may be the feet I have to kiss tomorrow.

Help me to give 100% at work:
12% on Monday
23% on Tuesday
40% on Wednesday
20% on Thursday
5% on Friday

Help me remember...
When I am having a bad day and it seems that people are trying to wind me up, it takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and 4 to extend my arm and smack someone in the mouth.

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Tangueray and Whine
Deck the Malls


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I especially like the last part. [Big Grin]

Stupid person: "Don't look so glum! It takes 42 muscles to frown and only 28 to smile!"

Me: "Yeah, and it takes only ONE muscle to s*** with. What's your point?"

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If ignorance is bliss, then why aren't more people happy?

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VersesBatman
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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[lol]

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It's like they took a bunch of movies, put them in a blender and turned it on really fast!-Mystery Science Theater 3000

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Santa Mari-a
Happy Holly Days


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quote:
Originally posted by Liessa:

Also help me to be careful of the toes I step on today as they may be the feet I have to kiss tomorrow.

The rest of it is wonderful glurge-spoofery, but this part is skirting dangerously close to an actual glurgy message. What's the source of this essay, anyway?

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Si hoc comprehendere potes, gratias age magistro Latinae.

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NansJns
The Red and the Green Stamps


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Shouldn't this be in humor? Either way, I liked it! [lol]

*~*NansJns*~*

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Pseudo_Croat
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


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quote:
Originally posted by Liessa:
Also help me to be careful of the toes I step on today as they may be the feet I have to kiss tomorrow.

I've always herd that one as "the butt I have to kiss tomorrow."

Great anti-glurge, even though I've neard most of it before.

- Pseudo_Croat

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"At all events, people who deny the influence of smaller nations should remember that the Croats have the rest of us by the throats." - Norman Davies, Europe: A History

God wants spiritual fruits, not religious nuts.

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Liessa
Sunday Floody Sunday


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quote:
Originally posted by Deviled Chicken Mari:
quote:
Originally posted by Liessa:

Also help me to be careful of the toes I step on today as they may be the feet I have to kiss tomorrow.

The rest of it is wonderful glurge-spoofery, but this part is skirting dangerously close to an actual glurgy message. What's the source of this essay, anyway?
Is it? I don't see how, exactly... Anyway, it was on a poster my dad bought while on holiday.
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Santa Mari-a
Happy Holly Days


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The "stepping on toes" remark struck me as similar to actual bits of "motivational" advice such as "Be kind to the people you meet on the way up because you may meet them again on the way down." The other statements were clearly takeoffs on famous "inspirational" sayings.

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Si hoc comprehendere potes, gratias age magistro Latinae.

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GranolaSuicideSpawn
The Red and the Green Stamps


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quote:
Originally posted by Liessa:
[I]t takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and 4 to extend my arm and smack someone in the mouth.

Ok this may be silly, but in the pre-internet glurge days, we were told that it took far more muscles to SMILE than to FROWN. That's why smiles always look so freaking fake in pictures, where they are in fact fake, but few people have ever accused a frown of being fake.

Am I totally insane on this one, or is it just an oversight on someone's part?

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dam9191
Deck the Malls


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It's true there are sayings with it either way. On snopes' page, it's "Undetermined."

http://www.snopes.com/science/smile.asp

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"There is no Heaven
So I can't believe in Room 19."
-Bob Geldof

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Archie2K
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Scientific proof has showed that if you know what to look for, you can always spot a fake smile no matter how well trained the actor is. There are certain parts of the face that just don't respond unless you actually are happy. In true UL way, I have no cite, but saw it on the TV so it must be true!

As for fake frowns, well the look of utter apathy and indifference would be classed as a frown in my book, so it's not really possible to fake something which you don't actually have to do if you get me.

Also great anti-glurge.

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Vox populi vox canem

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Scout
The First USA Noel


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quote:
Originally posted by Archie2K:
Scientific proof has showed that if you know what to look for, you can always spot a fake smile no matter how well trained the actor is. There are certain parts of the face that just don't respond unless you actually are happy. In true UL way, I have no cite, but saw it on the TV so it must be true!

You can see if you can spot the fake smiles in this bbc test.

At the end of the test it mentions some of the stuff Archie was talking about.

Scout.

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"Abandon shop. This is not a daffodil, repeat, this is not a daffodil!"

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TB Tabby
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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If you really want to relax, read the following paragraph slowly and thoughtfully.

Picture yourself near a stream. Birds are softly chirping in the crisp, cool mountain air. Nothing can bother you here. No one knows this secret place. You are in total seclusion from that place called "the world." The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity. The water is clear. You can easily make out the face of the person whose head you're holding under the water.

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I like to go down to the playground and watch the kids run and jump and scream, because they don't know I'm only using blanks.

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Nolly
Fin City


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quote:
Originally posted by Tangueray and Whine:
Stupid person: "Don't look so glum! It takes 42 muscles to frown and only 28 to smile!"

Me: "Yeah, and it takes only ONE muscle to s*** with. What's your point?"

[lol]
I love the '100% at work'! Except for Wednesday...I cannot possibly give 40% on hump day *bleah*

quote:
Originally posted by Scout:
You can see if you can spot the fake smiles in this bbc test.

At the end of the test it mentions some of the stuff Archie was talking about.

Scout.

Whoo hoo! I got 18/20!
Nol 'wonders if my accuracy at spotting a phony has anything to do with Snopes...' ly

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DON'T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your identity stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along with your old bank statements..

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