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I always thought that if you reached an adult age, say 20 or so, you were smart. Meaning smart about the ways of the world, not just book smart. I didn't know adults were capable of doing dumb things that would get them fired, hurt, evicted, killed, etc.
As late as when I was in high school, I still thought that if someone drove a Caddie, or Mercedes, they were "rich". Or lived in a big fancy house. It took just a few years in the real world as an adult to dash all of these strange thoughts. Now when I pull up next to a Lexus, I just wonder how much of a strain it is for the owner to make both the lease payment, and the interest only loan on the McMansion. And they might be a total idiot, barely keeping a job from day to day. Or, they could be super sucessful, business savvy, and er...rich.....
-------------------- Virtue is its own reward. But, then again, so is vice.... Posts: 167 | From: Lincoln, NE | Registered: Dec 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Ramblin' Dave, quietly making noise:
quote:Originally posted by Eddylizard: When I was about six, the class teacher asked the question "Who is the President of the USA?"
I said Nixon. (yeah I'm old) Which was the correct answer as far as I'm concerned.
She then proceeded to laugh and rip the piss out of me, assuming I meant this guy
I still hold a grudge.
I'm not sure I get it. Judging from your age as listed on your profile, Nixon probably really was president when you were about six. Did she ask the question with the assumption that no one could possibly know the answer and continue with that assumption even after you gave the correct answer? Admittedly, it wouldn't be the dumbest thing I've ever heard of a teacher saying...
Ramblin' "I sure as heck didn't know who Margaret Thatcher was when I was six" Dave
For what it's worth I didn't get it either. Perhaps because I didn't specify Richard Nixon. And David Nixon was much more popular here. Probably not relevant to this thread.
-------------------- "Ladies and gentlemen, this is what is commonly known as money. It comes in all sizes, colours, and denominations - like people." Posts: 997 | From: Maidstone, UK | Registered: Jun 2006
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I didn't know that my grandparents were my parents' parents. My parents never called them "mom" or "dad" around the kids, always "grandma" and "grandpa," so I thought "grandma" and "grandpa" meant "special kind of elderly babysitter that doesn't get paid." I thought it was weird that one set had the same last name I did, and I was blown away that my friend Rachel had a set with her last name.
The book that I read in 1st grade about where babies come from explained about the sperm and egg, and the sperm swimming up into the uterus and all that, but all it said concerning how the sperm got to the uterus was along the lines of, "This is a very special and intimate moment between the man and the woman." I thought they must mean like when the man goes to pick the woman up at the airport and they haven't seen each other in a long time. When they hug upon being reunited, the sperm go down the man's leg, go through a hole in the woman's pantyhose (which is why people don't get pregnant ALL the time- the woman has to have a run in her stocking), and travel up to her vagina.
-------------------- I can't put my arms down! Posts: 273 | From: California | Registered: Feb 2006
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When I was 8 or 9, my godmother was in court with the father of her child over child support. He denied it was his child. She was talking with my mother one night, and jokingly said, "If they want proof I'll just have to show them the pictures...." I knew very well how babies were made and for the life of me couldn't figure out why there had to be a picture taken to finish the deed. I figured it must be something in the flash since the camera never actually touched your body. Eventually I learned about home-made pornography...
Also. I heard someone say that her house got a lot of noise because they lived on such and such boulevard. For a long time I was certain that a boulevard was a gigantic, rickety, old machine that was buried under some people's houses.
-------------------- We criticize a thinker more sharply when he presents us with a displeasing proposition; and yet it would be more reasonable to do this when his proposition pleases us. --Nietzsche Posts: 85 | From: Florida | Registered: Oct 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Chloe: When my cousin was small, if you asked him who the prime minister was, he'd say "Maggie Fatcher."
This drove my aunt crazy. "No, it's th, th, Gareth, say th!"
Irritated child: "OK! Thaggie Fatcher."
Speaking of world leaders, my parents took me with them to vote when I was three years old. As I emerged from the voting booth with one or the other of my folks, a man asked me - jokingly of course - whom I voted for.
"Ford," I said. It wasn't true, as my parents were and are just as left wing as I am, and it was an embarrassing thing to say because we lived in a very Democratic town.
While Mom and Dad were turning six shades of purple and ensuring the guy that they had in fact voted for Carter, he asked why I voted for Ford when my parents hadn't.
And where had I gotten it in my head to give the answer I had?
"I like his cars."
-------------------- Another lifetime I'd have fallen in love with you Swept away by my feelings, ashamed and confused But just now it's enough to be walking with you Let the mystery play as it will! -Lui Collins Posts: 2669 | From: Jouy en Josas, France | Registered: May 2005
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I thought newcasters were supposed to give a certain number of "happy" stories and "sad" stories. For some reason,, I thought if they showed a picture above the newscaster's shoulder, that meant it was a "happy" story.
My sister, at the age of 3, must have overheard adults talking about "appetite" and decided it meant ketchup, because one day she said that what she wanted for lunch was "hamburger with appetite."
-------------------- Elsie Worthing and the Hydra's Curse Can one small girl overcome the darkness within to thrive at Hogwarts? http://fanfiction.mugglenet.com/viewstory.php?sid=57042 In memory of David Newton (1962-2006) Posts: 689 | From: Fayetteville, NC | Registered: Oct 2002
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quote:Originally posted by Laurenza: 'winkle' (child-speak for 'penis,' it seems)
When I was a child I knew the correct names for all the body parts, but for a long time I thought the penis got it's name from the fact that that's where pee comes from.
-------------------- "Unseasonable is an odd word to begin with. It sounds like it's describing something that it's impossible to sprinkle pepper on." -- Nonny Posts: 5483 | From: Just south of Folsom Prison, CA | Registered: Jul 2002
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quote:Originally posted by Heroic Muse & the Mighty Mitsubishi:
My sister, at the age of 3, must have overheard adults talking about "appetite" and decided it meant ketchup, because one day she said that what she wanted for lunch was "hamburger with appetite."
When I was that age and slightly older - maybe 5 or so - I had a friend with whom I had an odd ritual. We used to take little cups or plastic boxes of water and mix in any sort of random condiments or other non-toxic soluble products we could get our little hands on. I don't recall actually doing anything with the mixtures; the fun was all in making them.
We called it "making our appetite." Obviously we didn't know what the word appetite really meant, but I can't begin to imagine what we thought it meant!
-------------------- Another lifetime I'd have fallen in love with you Swept away by my feelings, ashamed and confused But just now it's enough to be walking with you Let the mystery play as it will! -Lui Collins Posts: 2669 | From: Jouy en Josas, France | Registered: May 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Laurenza: 'winkle' (child-speak for 'penis,' it seems)
When I was a child I knew the correct names for all the body parts, but for a long time I thought the penis got it's name from the fact that that's where pee comes from.
I thought so too. When I first learned about the mechanics of sex (at an embarassingly older age than most kids) I wondered how the man could switch from pee to semen, since they both came out of the same hole. How did he know to ejaculate instead of pee? And what happened to all those extra sperm that didn't fertilize an egg? Did they just stay in the woman's body?
I also remember something from back when I was about 5 or 6. My parents never raised me with any religion, so I was VERY confused when people mentioned God. I had an image of God as a man with a long beard who wore a pink shirt and lived in the clouds (my favorite shirt was pink).
-------------------- "There is no constitutional right to sleep with endangered reptiles." -- Carl Hiaasen Won't somebody please think of the adults! Posts: 8254 | From: Florida | Registered: Oct 2002
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~ I thought my "pet" worms were going to turn into snakes and eat me after watching Rikki-Tikki-Tavi
-------------------- "My Very Educated Mother Just Said Uh-oh! No...Pluto..."~ Steven Colbert Posts: 3256 | From: Somewhere in Ohio | Registered: Apr 2004
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Grilled cheese sandwiches were always 'Grouchy sandwiches' in my mind. Since Oscar was my favourite sesame street character, grouchy sandwiches were my favourite food. Eventually my mom caught on, and if I was having a bad day, she'd whip up some Grouchies for us to share.
One of my earliest memories is from the early 80s right after Calgary was awarded the Olympics. My parents had shown me pictures of the opening ceremonies from past Olympics and what stuck out in my mind was all the flags. Sometime later, we were picking my grandma up at work, and when I saw all the flags outside of her office, I was sure that that's where the Olympics were going to take place. As a side note, I just figured out the actual building two weeks ago when I went there to pick up my passport. It just clicked in my mind that the flags were the same way I remembered them and since my grandma had worked there at the time, that must have been the place. Duh.
The most embarrassing one for me? It took me waaaaaay too long to figure out what 'blow job' meant. I think I was around fourteen before I realized that it wasn't something to do with hairstyling. I knew about the act, of course, but for years whenever someone used that terminology I had something completely different in my mind.
Posts: 53 | From: Calgary | Registered: Jun 2005
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Tom o' Bedlam
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales
posted
I also thought that when I grew up my mother would revert to childhood. I'd then have to drive her over to play with my then best friend, whom I apparently thought would remain the same age as he was then.
EDIT: Quink's post reminded me of another one. I thought grilled cheese sandwhiches were "girl cheese sandwhiches." I always wondered where girl cheese came from.
-------------------- Still I sing bonny boys, bonny mad boys, Bedlam boys are bonny, For they all go bare and they live by the air And they want no drink nor money! Posts: 107 | From: San Diego, CA | Registered: Jul 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Half-Starved Samurai: And for a long while, I thought that Jesus lived in the bathtub drain in my parents' room. No real reason. Guess Jesus just liked it in there.
My son thought God and Jesus lived on his shoes. He asked me one day which was which. He was sure they were there because that's where everyone looks when they bow their heads to pray.
-------------------- "The little local company I buy from has CHEAP shipping and I have met their goats." (snapdragonfly)
"And that's one lost erection I'll never get back! You hear me Dan! I'm owed an erection!" (I'mNotDedalus) Posts: 2658 | From: California | Registered: Jul 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Quink: The most embarrassing one for me? It took me waaaaaay too long to figure out what 'blow job' meant. I think I was around fourteen before I realized that it wasn't something to do with hairstyling. I knew about the act, of course, but for years whenever someone used that terminology I had something completely different in my mind.
If we're starting a category of "dumb things I believed about sex until I was far too old," I have nothing to contribute. Nothing!
-------------------- ~~Ai am in mai prrrrrraime!~~ Posts: 10111 | From: Oklahoma | Registered: Sep 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Tom o' Bedlam: I also thought that when I grew up my mother would revert to childhood.
My sister used to believe that too. When my mom would make her do something she didn't want to do, she'd say, "Okay, but when I'm the mom and you're the little girl, I'm going to make you do it, too!"
-------------------- "The little local company I buy from has CHEAP shipping and I have met their goats." (snapdragonfly)
"And that's one lost erection I'll never get back! You hear me Dan! I'm owed an erection!" (I'mNotDedalus) Posts: 2658 | From: California | Registered: Jul 2005
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I remember when I was about six watching "Planet Of The Apes" with my babysitter. When it came to the final scene where Heston finds the Statue of Liberty, I asked my sitter, "Who destroyed the Statue of Liberty?" He responded, "the human race". I pictured a bunch of guys in jogging outfits running up to the statue and breaking it.
I remember once being worried that if I touched a black person, my finger would turn black. Yes, I didn't know many black people growing up.
I remember believing that nothing travelled faster than something which was falling, that if you stood above someone and dropped a bullet on their head, the bullet would hit them at a greater speed, and thus be more likely to kill them, than if you shot them.
My mom grew up in Bismarck, ND. There was a local pastry store where they sold "bismarcks". She assumed that if you bought that same pastry in another city, the pastry would have the name of the city, like if you bought them in Fargo, they'd be called "fargos".
quote:Originally posted by Cervus nippon: I thought so too. When I first learned about the mechanics of sex (at an embarassingly older age than most kids) I wondered how the man could switch from pee to semen, since they both came out of the same hole. How did he know to ejaculate instead of pee?
Ha, I thought something like that, too. When I was figuring out the mechanics of sex based on the jokes I heard at school, I did not yet know what semen was. (So it must have ben prior to the sixth grade, since that was the year all the boys watched the puberty video) So since I'd figured out that tab A goes into slot B, but didn't know about semen, I assumed that sex must involve urinating inside the woman, and that male urine contained sperm.
Yeah, I thought that sounded gross, too, but I couldn't think of an alternative.
-------------------- "Unseasonable is an odd word to begin with. It sounds like it's describing something that it's impossible to sprinkle pepper on." -- Nonny Posts: 5483 | From: Just south of Folsom Prison, CA | Registered: Jul 2002
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I have a few that I thought were funny. 1) My 3 year old nephew told my mom and I the other day that we need to keep an eye on the scarecrows in her garden because they come alive at night. There was no convincing him that it wasn't true. 2)My brother also was about 3 years old when he told us out of the blue that bigfoot's phone number was 6-0 Banana. That is still a joke in our family! 3)When i was little my grandfather used to have batteries all over the place. Any time someone needed a battery he had some. Well, he also used to take a REALLY long time in the bathroom, and when i asked my grandmother what was taking him so long she said that he was making batteries. It made perfect sense to me, since he always had so many!
-------------------- "If you don't have anything nice to say...sit next to me" Posts: 80 | From: Finger Lakes Region, NY | Registered: Jul 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Eddylizard: When I was about six, the class teacher asked the question "Who is the President of the USA?"
I said Nixon. (yeah I'm old) Which was the correct answer as far as I'm concerned.
She then proceeded to laugh and rip the piss out of me, assuming I meant this guy
I still hold a grudge.
I know how you feel. Back in fourth grade our teacher asked us the question: How many states are there in North America? I had just found out that Mexico had states and not provinces just a few days ago, so I was feeling pretty proud of myself when I said 81.
They just laughed harder when I tried to explain that the country was called the United States of Mexico.
I'm still bitter about that too.
Posts: 273 | From: Richland, WA | Registered: May 2003
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(So it must have ben prior to the sixth grade, since that was the year all the boys watched the puberty video)
The boys got a puberty video in your school? I've never heard of that before. I and many of my male friends have vivid memories of the day in (usually) sixth grade when the girls were led out of the room for some mysterious purpose and wondering why we never got our turn.
-------------------- Another lifetime I'd have fallen in love with you Swept away by my feelings, ashamed and confused But just now it's enough to be walking with you Let the mystery play as it will! -Lui Collins Posts: 2669 | From: Jouy en Josas, France | Registered: May 2005
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Mum tells me that when I was young, (maybe about 3) I said to her, There are two kinds of boats, the boats that go on the water, and 'cart-around boats'. Apparently, I couldn't understand the concept of boats being put on trailers to move them somewhere. This became a long running joke in our family for years. Another was that I thought my younger sister Karen, and the word 'caravan' were the same.
-------------------- I like free speech. It lets me know who the idiots are. Posts: 407 | From: Ireland | Registered: Jul 2005
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I didn't know the difference between the word "son" and the word "daughter". I thought they were synonyms, and it was just a coincidence that my mother would usually refer to me as her son and my sister as her daughter.
Even at that young age I was aware that being different was cool, so I occasionally referred to myself as my mother's daughter. Coupled with my fairly long hair at that age, this led to a few not-particularly-humourous-at-the-time misunderstandings...
Posts: 124 | From: London, England | Registered: May 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Half-Starved Samurai: And for a long while, I thought that Jesus lived in the bathtub drain in my parents' room. No real reason. Guess Jesus just liked it in there.
Did your mother spend a long time in the bathroom? I know I often heard my father standing outside the bathroom, saying "Jesus! Are you still in there?"
-------------------- I'd rather be with you people than the finest people in the world! Posts: 1010 | From: North Tyneside, UK | Registered: Jun 2001
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when we were young we always helped in the garden planting etc. and I remember one day finding a tomato worm (those big fat green ones) with white spots on it. I believed that the reason it had spots on it was that it was allergic to the tomato plant. I never saw my parents laugh so hard, but they didn't have an explination either.
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I used to think that "Good riddance!" was a good thing to say to someone, something like "good luck."
I remember reading road signs that said "Unlawful" to litter or whatever, and reading it like "Un-awful," and I couldn't figure out why they'd want people to litter.
My mom was learning to drive around the same time that she was pregnant with my youngest brother (I was about 8 years old when he was born). I remember thinking that "pregnant" had something to do with getting a driver's license.
I remember in 3rd grade when the teacher was asking us for examples of things that aren't alive (like rocks). I honestly thought that cows weren't alive because we ate them. Imagine my confusion when the teacher laughed when I offered that as an example. I'm amazed that I didn't instantly become a vegetarian at that moment.
Posts: 272 | From: Winchester, Virginia | Registered: Apr 2006
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The thing that came to mind most recently when I was reading about IVF was a belief I had when I read a Guinness book for the first time. One of the entries was on the first test-tube baby, and I noted they were externally concieved. Me being an idiot, I didn't understand they put the baby back in, and thought the child had been grown in a test tube for nine months. Since I heard labor was painful, in my mind this was a perfect way to avoid it.
In second grade, a fellow student told me you could see sperm. I believed this. While I knew that pee was not used for reproduction, I thought because it came out the same way a few errant sperm would be released at the time. Also, when I heard the phrase "oral sex" on a TV show I didn't know what it meant, exactly. Thinking about it, I knew oral meant spoken, and thus oral sex was talking dirty to your partner.
I also believed that when I heard a song on the radio, the band or singer was acutally singing at the station. I further rationalized this by deciding that if the band no longer existed or had dead members, they used a recording. Why I didn't apply this to all the songs I don't know.
My mother still laughs about me yelling at her not to drink and drive - when she was drinking a Tab.
I've mentioned this a few times before, but due to a classmate swearing her grandfather died that way, I thought that eating earwax caused you to immediately choke and die.
"There can't be a war on Christmas. Even Cambridge has decorations up!" - an observation I made Posts: 2719 | From: Chicago, IL | Registered: Jul 2000
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quote:Originally posted by Sister Ray: My mother still laughs about me yelling at her not to drink and drive - when she was drinking a Tab.
Oh yes, when I was a kid I got very upset when I saw my dad drinking a Pepsi while driving. He had to explain that the law applied to beer* and that it was okay to drink a soda behind the wheel.
I also knew that a red light meant stop, and I once hollered at my mother for going through a red light. She was making a right-hand turn.
*I'm not sure if I knew what hard liquor was, so he probably simplified it so I could understand.
-------------------- "There is no constitutional right to sleep with endangered reptiles." -- Carl Hiaasen Won't somebody please think of the adults! Posts: 8254 | From: Florida | Registered: Oct 2002
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I keep remembering more as a read this thread!
When I was a kid I was convinced that if I looked hard enough I could see the torch of the Statue of Liberty from my house--in Wisconsin. We had learned in school that the Statue of Liberty was very big, so I figured I should be able to see it. I even pointed out the torch (which I'm sure was just a distant silo) to my little sister and she agreed with me.
Similarly I thought that with binoculars I would be able to see astronauts on the moon. I never did see any astronauts, but this was only because there weren't any on the moon that day, of course.
I thought cotton candy was like pink cotton balls with actual candy buried inside. I was confused and I little disappointed when I got some and found that the "cotton" itself was the candy.
When I was about 10, my parents rented "Life of Brian." I was going to a Catholic school at the time, though my family wasn't Catholic, and apparently I was starting to believe some of what they were teaching me because I was terrified that I would go to hell for watching the movie. You see, it was quite blasphemous, so clearly god would punish me if I laughed (for some reason I continued to watch it, though). It took me about 5 more years to officially decide I was an atheist.
Oh yes, and along the lines of checks as free money, I believed that my parents could go to any bank, anywhere, and just get money when they needed it.
-------------------- saxea ut effigies bacchantis prospicit eheu | prospicit et magnis curarum fluctuat undis -Catullus Posts: 435 | From: Iowa | Registered: Mar 2006
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Ah, here's another: In first grade, the teacher read us the story of The Tortoise And The Hare. I remember picturing a toupee zooming along the road. I think she did tell us that a hare is like a rabbit, but I still pictured a toupee because if that's not what it looks like, why are we calling it a hair?
-------------------- "For the U.S. to get involved militarily in determining the outcome of the struggle over who's going to govern Iraq strikes me as a classic definition of a quagmire." ~Dick Cheney. Posts: 747 | From: Kansas | Registered: Jul 2005
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I thought if I accidentally vacuumed over the vacuum cord, it would somehow suck up electricity. I wasn't sure what would happen, but I was sure it would be bad.
When I was 11 or so, I was very afraid of puberty. I had read in a book of facts that the middle finger loses sensitivity during menstruation, so I would go around poking my middle finger with my thumbnail to see if it still hurt. Of course that meant that my period wasn't going to happen soon. By the way, does anyone know if the lack of sensitivity thing is true? I have never noticed it.
-------------------- saxea ut effigies bacchantis prospicit eheu | prospicit et magnis curarum fluctuat undis -Catullus Posts: 435 | From: Iowa | Registered: Mar 2006
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quote:I thought if I accidentally vacuumed over the vacuum cord, it would somehow suck up electricity. I wasn't sure what would happen, but I was sure it would be bad.
To this day I still keep my feet far away when I vacuum. When I was little, my mom told me to watch my toes around the vacuum, and I had this image of the machine sucking up my toe nails if I got too close to it.
Posts: 53 | From: Calgary | Registered: Jun 2005
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1. People's houses were connected to radio stations by a wire or underground cable, which is how the signal got into your radio. (My parents' house had an intercom system with a radio, so to me radios were 'built in'). If you had a portable radio that plugged into an electrical outlet, well, then the signal came through the electrical cord. But I was at a loss to explain how battery-operated radios or radios in a car worked. Strangely, I never applied this theory to TVs.
2. Band-Aids were poisonous - well, if they 'kill germs', they must be poisonous. So if I had a Band-Aid on my finger and I was eating my sandwich I had to make sure my finger didn't touch the sandwich. If it did, I didn't eat the bit it touched.
3. People who work in shops that are open 24-hours must live there. I had no concept of shift work - I wondered how those poor people ever got to eat or sleep!
-------------------- I love a sunburnt country, a land of sweeping plains - that's why I live in Melbourne, where it always bloody rains. Posts: 632 | From: Melbourne, Australia | Registered: Nov 2003
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