This girl has English as her first language. She is not learning disabled. She is not dyslexic. She has asked me for my opinion on her lyrics as a graduate creative writing student.
I can particularly recommend "Computer Rage" "Drunken" and "Teachers"
Posts: 40 | From: England | Registered: Jul 2006
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posted
That is really very poor indeed. I did look carefully for any redeeming value and I am yet to find any. I would suggest that "I am in blue" is perhaps the weakest.
Does she also write music? Is her genius hidden in some other area? If not, I would recommend singing the lyrics in some other language. Possibly heavy metal in German ala Rammstein.
Blues
Posts: 207 | From: Woolhampton, Berks, UK | Registered: Dec 2005
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posted
It would be pretentious of me to say that this is not art and utterly without value. All that I can say is that it appears to be the worst load of fetid dingo’s kidneys that I have ever had the bad luck to hear.
Her website design and prose did not impress either.
Blues
Posts: 207 | From: Woolhampton, Berks, UK | Registered: Dec 2005
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posted
I like how her "Computer Rage" series has a part 1, 3, and 4, but no part 2. As someone who majored in both computer science and journalism, that series was probably the most entertaining for me. And my friends. And my friends' friends.
Also, how old is she? I see she's old enough to be smoking and you say she's a graduate creative writing student, so I'm guessing anywhere from 21 to 25?
Posts: 146 | From: Columbia, SC | Registered: Jul 2005
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posted
Now if this person were 13 these wouldn't be too bad. I wouldn't want to be in your position, Emmastarr. What are you going to tell her? Is she a friend of yours, a co-worker, or what?
ETA: She does mention that the lyrics go back as far as 1996, so perhaps she was 13 when she wrote some of them. However, that doesn't excuse the rest.
-------------------- saxea ut effigies bacchantis prospicit eheu | prospicit et magnis curarum fluctuat undis -Catullus Posts: 435 | From: Iowa | Registered: Mar 2006
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quote: Use descriptive topic names when starting new threads, ones that reflect the subjects of your posts. Topic names such as "I just got this in e-mail," "Here's another one," or "Yuck!" are not good choices.
posted
She's 21, IIRC. She's a friend of a friend (my friend does Myspace for a band, who this girl stalks. Literally) and when she heard I was a writing student she wanted my opinion.
I think I'm going to have to tell her how much they suck. I can't in good conscience allow her to go on writing these.
Posts: 40 | From: England | Registered: Jul 2006
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A friend of mine listened to the My Struggle with Life MP3 and now wants to sample it and make it the backdrop for a harsh noise track on an album. So I guess she's good for something... sort of.
Posts: 146 | From: Columbia, SC | Registered: Jul 2005
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I don't think that you can tell her how much these suck. The English language does not have sufficient strength and flexibility for the job. However, your chances of doing so successful are hugely better than her chances of ever being paid to perform these.
Blues
Posts: 207 | From: Woolhampton, Berks, UK | Registered: Dec 2005
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posted
Some of the lyrics might not be bad if performed by a punk band with a great sense of irony.
The MP3 of her performing a capella, however, is shit.
-------------------- "There is no constitutional right to sleep with endangered reptiles." -- Carl Hiaasen Won't somebody please think of the adults! Posts: 8254 | From: Florida | Registered: Oct 2002
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is it just me or does "My Secret Hitlist" sound like some dark Dr Suess?
Posts: 147 | From: Queensland Australia | Registered: Apr 2005
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I don't know what you guys are complaining about, I think she's freakin' awesome. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go back and read some more of her astounding lyrics. She has, in my opinion, joined the likes of Shakespeare, Homer, and Dante as the world's greatest writers.
-------------------- me: "So then there was this one guy that wrote a poem insulting the girl that organized the poetry reading." Amy: "...Was the guy you?" Posts: 22 | From: Florida | Registered: May 2006
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Do you have any wine? All of this would go a lot smoother in an altered state of reality. Posts: 779 | From: Southampton, England | Registered: Nov 2005
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posted
Oh dear. It seems by "Edyrch ar Fi" she just shorted out her brain and started writing random syllables down in an effort to finish her song. Poor thing.
If you hadn't told me she was a graduate student, I wouldn't have believed it.
-------------------- "But about the reindeer...what kind of a nose shines? How did he get it? Maybe it's not a reindeer after all. It could be something else." Posts: 2216 | From: Winston-Salem, NC | Registered: Nov 2003
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quote:Originally posted by lynnejanet: I can't access the mp3. I get a message saying the home page is under construction, and I can't download the file. What's up, do you think?
I keep getting that too. It's probably for the best, lynnejanet, any more and my brain may explode!
-------------------- Brosandi. Hendumst í hringi Höldumst í hendur Allur heimurinn óskưr Nema ₫ú stendur Posts: 694 | From: York, UK | Registered: Jul 2006
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posted
OK so this lass might not have a huge talent well when it comes to language but posting up her home page hoping people will take the piss out of it seems a bit shoddy to me.
I don't think it has any reason to be up on snopes beyond juvenile poking of fun - perhaps if you'd posted it up asking for hints concerning advice for her style etc, but no, you just want to have a laugh at the expense of somebody who is at least trying:
quote:I think I'm going to have to tell her how much they suck. I can't in good conscience allow her to go on writing these
At least try and be constructive, you don't know what she gets out of writing her stuff and I don't think you should piss on her efforts, you could do more harm here than good...
-------------------- This is where I come up with something right? Something really clever... Posts: 6552 | From: UK | Registered: Oct 2002
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I agree with Jay Tea...if I ever went to someone with my work for feedback and found they'd posted my work as a joke, I'd be pretty embarrassed.
Though it is a website, and therefore is in the public domain...
...nah, I still think it's an uncool thing to do.
-------------------- If you say you love ice cream, you better be dreaming of an orgy with Ben, Jerry, and one fine-ass chunky monkey.
-- My sister and poet extraordinaire, Joanna Hoffman Posts: 1475 | From: Los Angeles, CA | Registered: Jan 2006
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While I agree with JT and bthyb, in theory, that it's not cool to ridicule someone who has asked for feedback on their creative endeavor, I would be much more embarrassed by the spelling and grammar mistakes I posted on the internet for all to see and critique. Maybe it's just me but I couldn't show someone work I hadn't proofread and I have never stretched a rhyme so badly in my life ("a history of abused...{3 lines later} used" - it's a history of abuse, sweetie, no past tense). I think it if you put your work out for public consumption you have to accept the consequences.
-------------------- Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of -- but do it in private, and wash your hands afterwards.
- Lazarus Long Posts: 300 | From: Waldorf, MD | Registered: Jan 2006
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quote:I think it if you put your work out for public consumption you have to accept the consequences.
Surely the logical 'consequences' would be criticism, not outright derision? She asked for opinions, for sure, but I doubt she asked for this mocking thread to be put up in her honour (a place where the poster 'knew' she'd be in for a piss-take, and not a great deal of useful crit')
-------------------- This is where I come up with something right? Something really clever... Posts: 6552 | From: UK | Registered: Oct 2002
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This girl has English as her first language. She is not learning disabled. She is not dyslexic. She has asked me for my opinion on her lyrics as a graduate creative writing student.
I can particularly recommend "Computer Rage" "Drunken" and "Teachers"
I'm dylexic. You haven't read my blog then. I said my background in my post. I don't recall asking you emmastarr for your option. I was a general question.
quote:Originally posted by emmastarr: She's 21, IIRC. She's a friend of a friend (my friend does Myspace for a band, who this girl stalks. Literally) and when she heard I was a writing student she wanted my opinion.
I think I'm going to have to tell her how much they suck. I can't in good conscience allow her to go on writing these.
No I'm 20. who the band? Catatonia? I don't stalk anyone. I don't tend to listen to Catatonia much these days. My sad goodbye was about that.
Close to the Edge is written when I planning on commiting sucide. I'm blue was written at another one of my lows. My struggle is about what I have been through and if you sat and talk to me you'll find quite a bit. My hitlist is about somebody who abused me when I was a kid and I what I would like to do to him if I had the gut to do so. Good job you haven't read My Fail Suidice Attempt which is about the next after I take an overdose. You find a lot of my lyrics are quite sad as they are about what I'm going through at that time.
I have been theough lot and writting it's my therapy. I would like to see you lot go through it. I have put up with a lot of shit in life. My life story really can make some cry.
Okay, you say my lyrics are shit. But you haven't got me a reason. I would like to see you all write. Let's get everyone post some and see what we think.
Some lines I have been writing:
I walk into a room full of strangers They all ememies Did you pick the ones yo try and bring me down.
I hope that leaves you with some understanding. If I don't get a reply to this then I am guessing you are all cowards and bullies. If that's the case then I'm facing up to the bullies here and now. We all know that bullies are the weak ones. I'm mentally stronger than you think.
Luv, Christine.
Posts: 4 | From: Berkshire, UK | Registered: Aug 2006
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posted
Wait a minute. I'm confused. The topic title is "My Lyrics" but it was posted by emmastarr. Now they are Christine's lyrics? Did I miss something? Who wrote them? And if emmastarr didn't, then why is it titled 'My Lyrics'?
Feel free to smack me if I'm missing something that's glaringly obvious, as I've not been out of bed for too awful long this morning.
-------------------- 'I'm the decider... I decide what's best.' Posts: 403 | From: Branson, Missouri | Registered: Nov 2004
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Here's what I don't understand about "these kids today". When I was a teenager, I wrote my deepest, most intimate feeligs in a spiral notebook that I would never dare show to anyone. It was my greatest fear that someone at school would find this notebook, read it, and spread it around school. I would have been horrified to know that in the future, kids like me would be posting their heartbreks, dark dreams, and other intimacies in a public forum where I could be ridiculed by total strangers from countries around the world.
This is probably why my blog consists primarily of apologies for not posting often enough.
quote:Originally posted by Spam & Cookies-mmm: Here's what I don't understand about "these kids today". When I was a teenager, I wrote my deepest, most intimate feeligs in a spiral notebook that I would never dare show to anyone. It was my greatest fear that someone at school would find this notebook, read it, and spread it around school. I would have been horrified to know that in the future, kids like me would be posting their heartbreks, dark dreams, and other intimacies in a public forum where I could be ridiculed by total strangers from countries around the world.
This is probably why my blog consists primarily of apologies for not posting often enough.
Yeah I entirely agree. I can't quite figure out how the whole live journalling, etc seems to work with kids these days. They open their heart up and seem to post stuff assuming that only a few select people will ever see it.
quote:Originally posted by Randa Roo: Wait a minute. I'm confused. The topic title is "My Lyrics" but it was posted by emmastarr. Now they are Christine's lyrics? Did I miss something? Who wrote them? And if emmastarr didn't, then why is it titled 'My Lyrics'?
The title of the web page linked in the OP is "My Lyrics". emmastar did not write them, she was quoting the title of Christine's page.
quote:Originally posted by Christine: I have been theough lot and writting it's my therapy. I would like to see you lot go through it. I have put up with a lot of shit in life. My life story really can make some cry.
You're not the only one who has dealt with depression, a shitty life, and suicide. Nor are you the only one who's used writing as therapy. However, if you are offering your writing and lyrics to a public audience, you should expect and be prepared for feedback, comments, and criticism.
-------------------- "There is no constitutional right to sleep with endangered reptiles." -- Carl Hiaasen Won't somebody please think of the adults! Posts: 8254 | From: Florida | Registered: Oct 2002
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posted
I have to say that I think it took Christine quite a lot of balls to come here and defend herself.
The point of this thread was hardly to offer constructive criticism, it was to make fun of someone else. The internet isn't a private club, I learned that myself, here, and not too long ago. Should she have expected that? Maybe. But only from people with nothing better to do than make fun of someone else. Remember people, just because you can say something, doesn't mean you should. Nor does someone making it easy to be an ass to them likewise mean you should.
I've got a picture in my profile. It would be easy for someone to look at, and then send me a message saying "Hey, you're a fat cow. Moooooo." Should I expect that? Again, maybe. But that doesn't make the person saying it any less of a jerk.
And now I brace myself for the attack.
-------------------- "Are we talking misdemeanor trouble or squeal like a pig trouble?" Posts: 618 | From: Ann Arbor, Michigan | Registered: May 2006
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posted
Christine, I'm glad you found this thread and defended yourself. Knowing that you are dyslexic can explain a lot of why the lyrics may not make sense to the rest of us. I'm glad you've found writing as a useful therapy, I love to write and want everyone who feels the calling to feel the same joy I do. As above, I agree that when you put your lyrics online, you invite criticism. I *also* agree that you have not gotten any real criticism in this thread, but rather people outright making fun of you hoping you'd never find this little corner of the web (and they, too, should realize that anyone can find anything online.)
I'd like to offer you one piece of constructive criticism that's not meant to make fun of you, though. Your web layout could use some work. The color scheme really hurts the eyes. I understand if you enjoy the colors you use, but you might want to consider using a border with those colors, and black and white for the text and center. Remember, the goal of a website is to have other people read it and enjoy reading it. If their eyes hurt from doing so, they won't keep coming back.
Other than that, keep doing what you're doing. Display your heart out there for the world, if that's what you want to do. And take heart in the fact that no matter how many people make fun of you, you're the true winner for doing something you enjoy without fear of persecution.
posted
Christine, I agree that it was very ballsy to come here and give us your point of view without attacking those of us who attacked you. I will try to give you some constructive criticism here, though I am not a writer and have never written a song.
1. As a few people mentioned above, many of us of an older generation (okay, I am not that much older than you, but I didn't use the internet until college!) just aren't used to people putting out in public what used to be considered private thoughts. So to some of us, or maybe just to me, I don't know, posting deeply personal and angsty lyrics seems like a cry for attention. Or something. Although I realize this is now the thing to do (emo and whatnot), it still seems odd to me. It reminds me of my own writing in my diary during my teenage years, which now I find both amusing and embarrassing. I would never show these personal writings to anyone, probably not even to my husband. Okay, this is not really advice, but I hope it may help you understand the thinking behind some of the posts here, or at least behind mine.
2. Some of the rhymes seem quite forced. These seem more like raw material than a finished product. I think they need more polish. Perhaps this goes against your purpose in writing, but if you like to work to get things just right, you may want to sit down and carefully examine your words to find out what works the best. To me, the editing process is the best part of writing; I enjoy finding exactly the right words to use and working them together like a puzzle. Of course, this applies only to research papers and such, not creative writing (with which I have no real experience) and certainly not to my posts.
3. It seems that some of these songs were written quite a while ago. Perhaps you should put your songs in chronological order to show how you have grown in your writing and your thoughts. I wouldn't want people to think something I wrote when I was 12 is representative of how I feel now.
I don't know if this helps or not, but I hope some of it will be useful to you. By all means, keep writing if it helps you, but do expect criticism if you put the results of your thoughts up for the world to see.
And again, thank you for posting; some of us really do tend to forget that message boards are public fora. I know I will be more careful in the future.
Ariadne, feeling particularly verbose
-------------------- saxea ut effigies bacchantis prospicit eheu | prospicit et magnis curarum fluctuat undis -Catullus Posts: 435 | From: Iowa | Registered: Mar 2006
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