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Author Topic: I can die now I have seen it all!
Turbo Snail
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale

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Originally posted by Jordashe:
An episode of This American Life had a segment of David Sedaris talking about the phenomenon of people defecating in stores.

I read one of David Sedaris' books, I cannot remember the title but he had a dilemma where he was at a dinner party and went to the restroom, there was a huge floater in the toilet and it would not go down. He didn't want to leave the restroom because everyone would think it was his. The way he describes the incident in the book is hilarious.

Has anyone seen my other shoe?

Posts: 40 | From: Richmond, Indiana | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)

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I think that book was Naked, Turbo Snail. I highly recommend all of his books, particularly Me Talk Pretty One Day, and, more specifically, the story "You Can't Kill the Rooster." For some reason, that has become my traditional Thanksgiving Day reading.

"When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty."--George Bernard Shaw

Posts: 19266 | From: Nashville, TN | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV

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Originally posted by Silverbolt:
Well, the cops did use the handcuffs, and she did end up in the back seat.........

But did they pay extra?


Friends are like skittles: they come in many colors, and some are fruity!


Posts: 7224 | From: Massachusetts | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Let There Be PCs on Earth

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I used to work at a small video store, late night shifts. The only people coming around at 10 at night are drunks, bored college kids, and drunk, bored college kids. (The college was a few blocks away.) There was one guy named Mr. Pratt (whom I thought was aptly named). He would come it around 9:30 at night, drunk out of his skull, with his two young daughters (about 3 and 5). Being the great role model that he was (did I mention he drove to the store in this condition every time he came with his kids?), he would always always frickin' always yell at me because he had late fees that he never believed he had. Because he was always too drunk off his butt to remember he dropped the movies late.

Then there was the other guy, Mr. Henry. He was a sweet elderly guy, occasionally drunk off his butt whe he came at night, but he wasn't an angry drunk. One night he stood looking at the new releases and kept making car noises and swinging. For an hour. "Vvvroom! Vvvrooom!" But he did it quietly, and didn't freak out anyone, and he didn't bother anyone. He came up to the counter finally, and returned a video (he didn't have one to rent). I said "Thank you, Mr. Henry" with a big smile (not a fake one. I genuinely liked the guy). It was a busy night, being the weekend, and luckily, the was another cashier. Of course, we only had one register/computer, which was a major pain in the butt, but anyways. So it's busy, and there's Mr. Henry, just standing there between the two lanes of customers, smiling off into space. For another hour. I went to the back room to check his file, to get his home phone (he lived with his daughters, who also rented from time to time). I called them and discreetly said that Mr. Henry seemed to have been "under the weather" and had been standing in the store for an hour, and was he expecting them to pick him up? They thanked me very much, and came to pick him up.

The manager of the store the next day tells me she's very proud of me and thanks me for quick thinking and calling his family instead of the police. Hell, he wasn't doing anything, just smiling and standing, not bothering anybody. Turns out he had been up to something - before he went to the video store, he had gone to the grocery store next to us and, as I referred to it to others later, "made water on the floor". Because that's much more tactful to say in mixed company than "he whizzed on a display of spaghetti", which he did. As most people said to me after the event: "He 'made water'? What are you, from the 1700s or something?!"

I would prefer not to.
My blog

Posts: 4789 | From: Rhode Island | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
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