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Author Topic: Why tell me this?
Christie
The Bills of St. Mary's


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Oh god my daughter is turning into my mother before my eyes [Eek!] .

She told me today that my son "was disappointed this Christmas". I was understandably upset and asked her why. Well because he said "I got a lot of clothes this year" - according to her that means Christmas was a real lunchbag letdown.

Now I'm going to have to talk to him and see if he meant what she thinks he means or if he was just making an observation, which was certainly how I took it.

In the meantime I'm feeling bad because I thought Christmas went well and that we all got our fair share of goodies.

Ugh. My mother is just like that! She always has to tell people things they really don't need to know, about stuff they can't do anything about. And I don't know why - other than to make that person feel really really bad I guess.

I love my mom and my daughter but sometimes, oh, sometimes [Mad]

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Not_Done_Living
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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not enough info.. how old is your daughter? a teenager and adult or a child? Sometimes the truth just hurts... maybe your sone was expecting a Wii or a ps/3 .. and instead got socks and underwear.. Socks and underwear are NOT christmas presents they are necesities of life. Christmas should be something special something that you wouldnt normally recieve UNLESS it was christmas.

If your daughter is and adult.. appreciate what she said and take it as a comfort that she talked to you.

if she was a teen.. she prolly had a discussion with her brother and feels this is informaion you should know..

If she is a child.. it was probably just an observation that SHE didnt get everything SHE wanted and doesn't want to look like she is asking for more [Wink] (my daughter does this ALL the time!!! )

Regardless. Merry Christmas.. don't let it stress ya out.. and take the lesson away for next year.. they get nothing but gift cards!!!

lol!!

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Christie
The Bills of St. Mary's


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They're both adults (well technically [Big Grin] ), she is 21 and he is 19. I got him pretty much everything on his list (well except for the $800 camera - dare to dream son, dare to dream) so I don't really think he "got a rock".

I did ask her if he'd said anything to her, but she is just extrapolating how she thinks he feels based on the one comment we both heard. Sigh.

quote:
Originally posted by Not_Done_Living:


If she is a child.. it was probably just an observation that SHE didnt get everything SHE wanted and doesn't want to look like she is asking for more [Wink] (my daughter does this ALL the time!!! )

This could be part of it. I never thought about it, but Christmas is harder when you are at that in-between stage of still living at home but not being a kid. She may have felt she didn't get enough "just for fun" presents.

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If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation. - Jean Kerr

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tribrats
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Did he ask for the clothes?

It could have started from something as innocent as:
Daughter: "So what did you get for Christmas?"
Son: "Oh, lots of clothes."

Then in her mind translated to:
Daughter: "Mom, Bro had a crappy Christmas."

I wouldn't panic quite yet. At least not until you hear his take on things.

On an aside, I hate clothes shopping so I always asked for clothes for Christmas.

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2ys4u
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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quote:
Originally posted by Not_Done_Living:
Socks and underwear are NOT christmas presents they are necesities of life. Christmas should be something special something that you wouldnt normally recieve UNLESS it was christmas.

Um... OK [Roll Eyes]

If I ever told my Mom or even my brother that I was dissapointed in Christmas because all I got was clothing, she would've probably taken everything back until I learned to be more respectful!


Talk to your son Christie, and ask him what he meant (if he even said it at all!)

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kingfan1978
Deck the Malls


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Christie - I can definitely sympathize with you on the unnecessary comments...my mother loves to do this. For me, it's usually comments on how my brother's driving her crazy (he's 17 & it's just the two of them at home). Finally, I just got to the point that I told her, "If he's screwed up again, I don't want to hear about it." I felt really selfish doing it but I've got a brand new 4-month-old at home & I'd rather concentrate on her. I've tried to do my sisterly duty & talk to my brother but he's at the "it's all about me" teen phase & nothing I say has made a difference in his actions.

The comments on my brother I could almost understand - he's my brother & since we're 11 years apart, she was used to me being another authority figure for him when he was little. The comments I really can't stand are things like, "So&so had this cat that they always left outside & barely fed. I kept telling them they should take better care of it. Well, it died the other day." [Frown] Gee, thanks, Mom...now I feel terrible about this cat I didn't even know & couldn't do anything about. What was the point of that story again?

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Esprise Me
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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I was dating 19-year-old boys not so long ago, and in my humble opinion, personal experience, and infinitely qualified observation, they are still children. Like Not_Done_Living said, children generally want toys for Christmas. If he got nothing but clothes, I could see him being disappointed. However, you said you got him everything on his list except the $800 camera, so unless he was really expecting to get that, I doubt he meant anything by that comment. It's more likely your daughter (again, judging from my experience; I was a 21-year-old girl only two years ago!) is reading way too much into this. Ask your son, gently, if he had an OK Christmas and if he was happy with his gifts, or if he was disappointed about not getting the camera. I think it would be better to know, and clear the air if anything is wrong, than to let it eat away at you.

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"If God wrote it, the grammar must be infallible. Perhaps it is we who are mistaken." -MapleLeaf

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patriot1
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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Maybe he (and many others) just need a refresher course in what CHRISTmas really is....not about getting presents but celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ, our Savior. I know, the Bible does not say 25 December is the day, but that is the day that was chosen, and regardless of which day He was born, we celebrate His birth.

He is nineteen you say? Then if he did say what was implied, he should be more respectful and thankful that he gets any gifts at all! It is not a right, but a privilege. I honestly enjoy seeing the look on someone else's face when they open a gift from me moreso than opening one for me from someone else. And I am thankful for any and all gifts I receive, whatever they may be, as it is the thoughtfulness about receiving a gift that matters.

Now, of course, this may all be a moot point as he really did not say or mean that, but still, the point, I feel, needs to be made anyways, CHRISTmas is so commercial now and so, oh, secular, if you will, in how most folks celebrate it, they miss the true meaning.

Just let us all sit back and think of the real reason CHRISTmas is celebrated....it is a not a secular holiday, a day off from work, a day just to get presents, a day to celebrate the "annual" return of a non-existent man in a sleigh, but as I said, a day to celebrate the arrival of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Not really trying to preach, but at the same time, we need to open our eyes. It really is disgusting to me to hear anyone complain that "they did not get what they wanted for CHRISTmas...." as if they were owed something special. We are owed nothing, but owe everything to Him for dying for us so we can have eternal life. Simple as that.

I hope your son did not say what was implied he said, but if he did, maybe he truly does need to be reminded of the real reason for CHRISTmas. And to learn to be more thankful for what he has and what is given to him.

I hope you all had a Blessed CHRISTmas, and have a Blessed and Happy New Year as well.

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franjava
Deck the Malls


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I say, since they're both *technically* adults, ignore it. If you got them mostly what they wanted, they've no reason to be snarky. I know, easier said than done.

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Christie
The Bills of St. Mary's


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quote:
Originally posted by patriot1:



Not really trying to preach, but at the same time, we need to open our eyes.

My god what do you sound like when you're trying to preach then?

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If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation. - Jean Kerr

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Christie
The Bills of St. Mary's


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Uh, anyway...had a nice chat with my son who told me he really had been surprised to get so many items of clothing (what can I say? stuff was 80% off at The Bay on Christmas Eve) but he had been very happy with all his gifts, including the clothes!

Had another chat with my daughter and I think she was just "pulling a mom" (as I first suspected). She jumped to conclusions and couldn't see any reason to keep it to herself.

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If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation. - Jean Kerr

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Zorro
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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It could also have been something like this:

Sister: How did Santa treat you this year?
Brother: I got a lot of clothes.
Sister: Oh, did you ask for them?
Brother: No, but don't tell Mom. I don't want her to feel bad.

*Sister goes skipping off to Christie*

Either way, I wouldn't worry about it.

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Christie
The Bills of St. Mary's


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quote:
Originally posted by kingfan1978:
The comments I really can't stand are things like, "So&so had this cat that they always left outside & barely fed. I kept telling them they should take better care of it. Well, it died the other day." [Frown] Gee, thanks, Mom...now I feel terrible about this cat I didn't even know & couldn't do anything about. What was the point of that story again?

My mom isn't quite like that - she's more of the "Aunt Georgie was telling me the other day that she didn't like the food we served at your wedding reception." And I needed to know my aunt has been internally criticizing our meal choice for almost 25 years - why?

The kind of comment you describe sounds like my SIL - she will go on and on to me about the minutae of the lives of people who are complete and total strangers to me. It's nice that her next door neighbour's niece's brother-in-law got a new car - but this required a long distance call and a 40 minute preamble?

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If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation. - Jean Kerr

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Barbara
Layaway in a Manger


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quote:
Originally posted by Christie:
Uh, anyway...had a nice chat with my son who told me he really had been surprised to get so many items of clothing (what can I say? stuff was 80% off at The Bay on Christmas Eve) but he had been very happy with all his gifts, including the clothes!

It sounds like you handled it very well, Christie. The two of you talked it out in a kind, non-confrontational manner, and as a result you won't be spending the next year or so fretting that your son was disappointed in his gifts or secretly foreswearing buying him clothes. As for him, in that conversation he heard that you love him, that you worry about disappointing him, and that he'll always be your little boy even if he does get armloads of clothes any particular Christmas.

Barbara "at 80% off, Christie, I'd have been buying even for people I didn't know" Mikkelson

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ghijkmnop
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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Here's the Devil's Advocate question that nobody has asked yet:

Were the clothes $800 (or possibly perceived this way)? If so, is it remotely possible that said 19-year-old did the math in his head and thought, "coulda got the camera for the amount she spent on all these clothes..."?

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Esprise Me
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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quote:
Originally posted by patriot1:
CHRISTmas is so commercial now and so, oh, secular, if you will, in how most folks celebrate it, they miss the true meaning.

Meh. My parents and I are atheists, but since they were raised Christian, we still celebrate a secular Christmas. We put up a tree and lights (and a train set!), bake cookies, and exchange gifts, and every once in a while go to see a friend sing in a church choir on Christmas Eve, or go to see The Glory of Christmas at the Crystal Cathedral. I wouldn't say I'm "missing" the true meaning; I know the origins of the holiday, but I choose not to buy into that. And I've never had a problem accepting gifts gracefully.

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"If God wrote it, the grammar must be infallible. Perhaps it is we who are mistaken." -MapleLeaf

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tribrats
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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I'm glad things worked out for you. Does he normally put very expensive items on his list? My Sis and I tried to be reasonable with our lists when our folks asked for one. However, we always put one item that was ridiculously expensive like a jet, car, computer with all the trimmings (back in the early 1990's).

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Bubby
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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Ghijkmnop, very good point...

Simple fact, boys (well the straight one anyway) do not want to get clothes for christmas...

and as such there is a certain amount of dislike to be breeded from a bundle of clothing, there was in my house at least a more or less implicit understanding that clothing was supplied freely throughout the year and christmas was for toys and video games...

TO be honest, buying an unwanted , for me anyway would be worse than a waste of effort, it would be
a letdown because

A. It could have been spent on something better

B. It shows a lack of understanding

Let me give you an example from an actual Christmas:

I open a rather large christmas present from my grandmother and find a cookbook... Now I can understand the sentiment, I had cooked with her before... but I have no serious interest in it, and saw it more of a whole bonding thing than an actual hobby. Now I have not even opened it but I now am afraid that she will bring it up and I will have to lie about using it, and hope I am not caught up.

Additionally, did he really think you would buy him the whole stash plus the camera... That's a lot of money... Perhaps he felt spoiled from previous CHristmass's

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Sara at home
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by Bubby:

Simple fact, boys (well the straight one anyway) do not want to get clothes for christmas...

Then you'd think he wouldn't have put clothes on his wish list, wouldn't ya? Or are you telling Christie something about her son she doesn't know?

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Assume that all my posts will be edited at least once. Dyslexic -- can't spell, can't type, can't proofread.

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tagurit
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by Christie:
quote:
Originally posted by patriot1:


Not really trying to preach, but at the same time, we need to open our eyes.

My god what do you sound like when you're trying to preach then?
My thoughts exactly, CHRISTie! [Wink]

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tagurit
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Perhaps he put the camera on his list just because, just because he wanted the camera, not necessarily thinking you should buy it for him, but what the heck, why would it hurt?

Then there's always the possibility that more than one person that was gifting him this year might pool their funds and voila! he gets the camera. I don't see anything wrong with adding an expensive gift to the list. Sometimes it's just a bit of dreaming. A xmas list is a list of choices, not demands. No one expects to get everything on their list unless they're rich, do they?

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Christie
The Bills of St. Mary's


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Asking for the camera was a bit of a legpull on his part. He absolutely did not expect it. He just got a new camera last April and the way he worded what he wanted I took it to be an attachment of some kind for his current camera. You should have seen my jaw hit the floor when I asked for the Olympus E500 2 lens kit at the local camera store and the fellow behind the counter told me the price [Eek!] .

The clothes he got would not, even at full price, come anywhere close - remotely close - to $800 and he is smart enough to know that.

His main gifts were games for his Wii, stuff for his camera like a $90 XD card, books (especially a really good one on WWI), CDs, DVDs and an expresso maker. As well as a few other bits and pieces.

We may not put the Christ in Christmas (kinda hard since both my kids are atheists) but we have a damned good time [Wink] .

quote:
Originally posted by tribrats:
I'm glad things worked out for you. Does he normally put very expensive items on his list? My Sis and I tried to be reasonable with our lists when our folks asked for one. However, we always put one item that was ridiculously expensive like a jet, car, computer with all the trimmings (back in the early 1990's).

That's why initially I wasn't worried that he might have been disappointed. Putting down some "not in a million years" type item is pretty par for the course for him. A few years ago he asked for one of those home theatre type deals for his room and last year was the year when he put some early 60s sports car at the top of his list.

If his sister hadn't gotten into then act I never would have been concerned at all. I know my kid! Or at least I thought I knew my kid, got a bit worried and now realise, yep I know my kid [Wink] .

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If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation. - Jean Kerr

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Christie
The Bills of St. Mary's


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quote:
Originally posted by Barbara:
Barbara "at 80% off, Christie, I'd have been buying even for people I didn't know" Mikkelson

I know! I couldn't believe it. I mean we're talking name brand shirts like tommy hilfinger for less than $10 and really good tee shirts for $2-3 - I defy any mother of a teenage son NOT to stock up!

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If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation. - Jean Kerr

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Ganzfeld
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by patriot1:
[...] I know, the Bible does not say 25 December is the day, but that is the day that was chosen, and regardless of which day He was born, we celebrate His birth. [...]

[nitpick]
Don't you think it's an incredible coincidence that they "happened" to pick the exact date that Santa Claus comes. What are the odds?
[/nitpick]

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happyholidaysfrog
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Patriot1 said
quote:
Just let us all sit back and think of the real reason CHRISTmas is celebrated.... a day to celebrate the arrival of our Savior, Jesus Christ.
Actually the reason we celebrate CHRISTmas is because of midwinter holidays going back before the birth of CHRIST. We celebrate CHRISTmas because before CHRISTmas there was Yule and Saternalia and Juvenalia and the Winter Solstice and other various things. The births of gods(like MITHRA), to celebrate the days getting longer, the return of the sun and to break up the long winter.

If you think about it CHRISTmas doesnt' really have much to do with CHRIST at all, other then the Chruch decided to slip the observance of his birth in with the previously mentioned festivities.

Oh, and you can speak for yourself about needing saved. I find myself in no need of salvation. He may be your savior, but he isn't mine.

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AnglsWeHvHrdOnHiRdr
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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quote:
Originally posted by Christie:
quote:
Originally posted by patriot1:



Not really trying to preach, but at the same time, we need to open our eyes.

My god what do you sound like when you're trying to preach then?
[lol]

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LittleDuck
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Christie, naughty naughty! Not only did you take the Christ from Christmas, but you're also encouraging him to play with his Wii! I am shocked! I think. Nah, it takes more than that to shock me. Carry on then.

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franjava
Deck the Malls


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quote:
Originally posted by LittleDuck:
Christie, naughty naughty! Not only did you take the Christ from Christmas, but you're also encouraging him to play with his Wii! I am shocked! I think. Nah, it takes more than that to shock me. Carry on then.

[lol]

I was gonna be nice, but I'm a sheep. I'm a Christian too, Patriot, but sheeze... Glurge does not belong in Rantidote.

The gift giving part of Christmas is more of an homage to Saint Nicholas who gave gifts to poor children. I go to church to celebrate the conveniently dated birth of my Lord, but I get all greedy like everyone else when I'm sitting 'neath the tree Christmas morn.

fran "I got diamonds this year" java

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trollface
The Bills of St. Mary's


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quote:
Originally posted by patriot1:
Just let us all sit back and think of the real reason CHRISTmas is celebrated....it is a not a secular holiday, a day off from work, a day just to get presents, a day to celebrate the "annual" return of a non-existent man in a sleigh, but as I said, a day to celebrate the arrival of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

The "real reason" it's celebrated is to shout into the darkness that we're not afraid, and to call back the sun. And to use up the harvest before it spoils. Everything else is bolted on afterwards.

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seriously , everyone on here , just trys to give someone crap about something they do !! , its shitting me to tears.

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Ms. Kringle
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Lord knows, we shouldn't be taking the Christ out of Christmas.

Oh wait, if Jesus even existed, He was likely born in summer....so, really, this is just a way to co-opt pagan holidays by the early Church.

Patriot, you might want to get off that high horse before you get a nosebleed up there.

Ms. 'been bursting bubbles since 2003' K

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Beware corporate zombies! They will purchase your brain on E-Bay!

Posts: 2310 | From: California | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
tenorcs
I Saw Three Shipments


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/hijack

I hate getting clothes as gifts. I'm a huge guy, I wear mostly 3X and 4X size clothes. Well-meaning friends and family give me clothes in size XL or 2X and I can't use them. And most normal stores don't even carry stuff in my size, so I'm often stuck unable to return or exchange stuff. Sometimes I can get a store credit if I'm lucky. But generally, clothes as gifts are more trouble than they're worth for me. Most people also have no idea what kind of clothes I like to wear.

/hijack

Posts: 95 | From: Miami, FL | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
LyndaD
Jingle Bell Hock


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Bubby,
I have a teen boy who likes getting clothes and is not gay.
Let's watch the generalizations, please.

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I'll drive it ugly. You can't see the paint job when you're behind the wheel, anyway.

Posts: 570 | From: Central Valley, California | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Christie
The Bills of St. Mary's


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quote:
Originally posted by LyndaD:
Bubby,
I have a teen boy who likes getting clothes and is not gay.
Let's watch the generalizations, please.

Thank you Lynda! My son's comment was that he got too much clothing. Which he did. He always asks for some clothes though and unless he's hiding something from me (and his girlfriend) he is not gay.

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If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation. - Jean Kerr

Posts: 18428 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Griffin at the Maul
Joyeux New Sale


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I love getting clothes, but like tenorcs, I am a large guy. So, I prefer gift cards. That way, I can use the gift to buy clothes so that I can spend my money on other things...

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Where are we going, and why are we in this handbasket?

Posts: 782 | From: Arlington, TX | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Archie2K
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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I like receiving clothes because I manage to ruin my clothes on a pretty regular basis. Some 80% discounted stuff would be ideal. A fancy outfit would be less welcomed.

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Vox populi vox canem

Posts: 1985 | From: Reading, England | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
   

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