snopes.com Post new topic  New Poll  Post a reply
search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Hello snopes.com » SLC Central » Rantidote » How do people find love? (Page 2)

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!   This topic comprises 2 pages: 1  2   
Author Topic: How do people find love?
snopes
Return! Return! Return!


Icon 13 posted      Profile for snopes   Author's Homepage   E-mail snopes       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
EQT, you've been starting the same thread over and over for years now. This will be the last one. Be forewarned that the first time you try this on the new board will be your last.

- snopes

Posts: 36029 | From: Admin | Registered: Feb 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Echinodermata Q. Taft
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Echinodermata Q. Taft   Author's Homepage     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Couple of quick points:

First, to explain: while I am an occasional crossdresser, and would like to try to upgrade that from "occasional" to something more active -- perhaps even going so far as to try more-or-less full-time as a woman for a period of up to several months, just to see -- I highly doubt I will ever pursue surgery or permanent gender change. I think about it now and then, but I don't think it's for me; I don't think I'll ever be sure enough it's right -- and it seems to me to be something you'd want to be pretty damned sure about.

Second: I have done some searching online, and will probably do more. And I have surely tried sites that cater to crossdressers. The problem, though, is that very rarely to women come to these sites. I don't know what percentage of women would be comfortable dating a crossdersser; but I am sure there's a very low percentage who are actually looking for a crossdresser. Most of the activity on these sorts of sites is either crossdressers looking for other crossdressers (which doesn't interest me, at least not from a romantic aspect); men looking for crossdressers (also not particularly appealing); and professional dominatrixes (dominatrices?) advertising their services (which might interest me if I had a hell of a lot more money, but only as a short-term thing).

I did once find a Yahoo group that was founded by one of the few women who actually was looking for a crossdresser. I joined at once, but rather as I would have expected, it wound up with a large list of TG folks and all of four women. Of these four, one already had an SO but was just being supportive; one was much too young (19 I think) and also already had a boyfriend; and the other two were extremely picky -- I didn't fit their narrow criteria. (And they weren't particularly supportive, either -- less of a "Well, you're not for me, but I wish you luck!" than "Well, you're not for me because you have a bunch of things wrong with you." Not just to me, mind, but to most of the members.) And of course, as soon as these two found someone, they quit the list and it died a swift death.

As for sites that aren't specialized for crossdressers, I face the dilemma of whether I should mention it or not. So far, none of the ads I've placed have gotten any responses whether I mentioned it or not (well, excpet on one site which had more of a kinky sex focus, but the couple of responses I got were from men).

Speaking of men: though some people will accuse me of being in denial or splitting hairs or whatever -- the way I think of it is this. When I am in male mode (99% of the time), I have no interest at all in men. When I am en femme -- my mind is a little more open on the subject. The notion of playing the feminine role in a somewhat old-fashioned male/female romance is rather attractive to me; so I think if I were en femme and a man approached me in the right way, I could be vulnerable. (Among other things, it would have to be clear that he knew what awaited under the skirt, but didn't mind.) If it came to physical intimacy, the thought is not repellant. On the other hand, just in a vacuum, I generally don't find men sexually attractive, certainly not to the degree I find women to be so, and I find it very difficult to imagine being in love with one. So I doubt it could lead to anything serious or long-term...but then, you just never know.

On love striking out of the blue when you're not looking for it: as I said, it's been twenty years or more. I don't think just being patient is, in itself, a strategy.

On the subject in general: while finding a potential partner is an important part of the process, my semi-rhetorical question also includes such things as "OK, you've found someone you're interested in, and you have some reason to think they're interested in you. Now what?" How do you make that leap? What's the actual courting process? How do you sense when it's time to take the next step -- or that it isn't? As I say, I don't think anyone can really answer these questions for me -- but I also don't trust my instincts in this area at all. I mean, from my point of view, I'd like to be able to just say to someone, "Hey, I think you're pretty attractive, and I think you like me. How about we become an us?" And they would say Yes, No, or Maybe, and we'd go from there. But it doesn't work that way...

...or does it? One oddity when I moved to San Diego, and began hanging with the particular crowd that I did, was that there just plain didn't seem to be such a thing as "dating." One day, a particular male and female member would be friends; next thing you knew, they were cohabitating. There didn't seem to be any in-between stage. How this process played itself out, I was never able to figure. And I wasn't sure I liked the notion -- while I wanted to be with someone, I wasn't at all sure I was ready to jump straight to sharing a home and bedroom on a permanent basis. But when I would opine that I found it peculiar that a couple who had been such for only a few weeks never slept seperately, people seemed to think I was the odd one.

As far as me generally being confused and not knowing what I want: yes, I'm painfully aware of that. But wanting to sort it out hasn't helped. Every time I think I have arrived at a resonable conclusion, something seems to happen to make me full of self-doubt again. I am not sure I will ever have it sorted out.

But I am aware of the dilemma that it's going to be difficult to get anyone to love me as long as I have such lousy self-esteem -- but a big part of the reason for such lousy self-esteem is that I feel no one loves me. Then, too, one of the things about me that I identify as strongly feminine (at least, according to some sources) is that I value relationships so highly, and in particular, much more than I do a career. If someone offered me what seemed like the perfect job tomorrow, but it required moving to some distant part of the county, I would be extremely reluctant to take it. (I think I would, today, but only because so many of my friendships have faded, and because the internet would make sustaining the ones I still have relatively easy. Ten years ago, when my "offline" social life was much more active, I'm not sure I could have done it.) The upshot of this is that it's always seemeed to me like the correct thing to do is find a life partner, and then sort the whole career business out to accomadate the relationship, rather than the other way around.

This might have made since if I had found my soulmate when I was 22, but at 45 it's probably not the right way to go about things -- particularly since (I believe) few women around my age are much interested in a guy who still doesn't know what he wants to be when he grows up.

Anyway, that wasn't quick, or long, nor did I get to everything. However, I am in a much better mood than I was last night when I wrote this (I spent a fair amount of Wednesday night with tears in my eyes -- for some reason it was just a very emotional day). And I do thank everyone for the support and advice.

--------------------
http://eqtaft.blogspot.com

Hope for the future! http://www.runobama.com

Posts: 3218 | From: San Diego, CA | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Echinodermata Q. Taft
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Echinodermata Q. Taft   Author's Homepage     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by snopes:
EQT, you've been starting the same thread over and over for years now. This will be the last one. Be forewarned that the first time you try this on the new board will be your last.

- snopes

I could say a lot of things in response to this, but I respect the fact that it's your sandbox. So, fine.

--------------------
http://eqtaft.blogspot.com

Hope for the future! http://www.runobama.com

Posts: 3218 | From: San Diego, CA | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
erwins
Deck the Malls


Icon 1 posted      Profile for erwins   E-mail erwins   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
EQT,

I don't know what will work for you, but I'll tell you what got me going in the right direction. I had some very low self esteem when it came to dating after breaking up with an ex a few years ago. I dated a couple of people with pretty disastrous results. That put my self esteem at rock bottom.

I got myself into counseling. The point of counseling was to deal with how I was feeling, and -- in part -- what made me make some very poor choices in the dating arena. My therapist helped me think of what qualities I wanted to look for in a potential partner, in order to have a healthy relationship. Once I was in better shape generally, I started to look online. It was about a year after starting counseling that I started looking for a date.

I was somewhat picky -- online dating lets you screen using criteria you can't use in person, and you should, in my opinion, have some "basic compatibility" criteria. Then, it's all about taking a chance. Be honest in your post. Contact anyone you think you could be interested in. Be willing to go on more than one date with someone if they seem compatible, but you didn't hit it off. My SO and I were too nervous on our first date, but boy did the chemistry kick in on the second one....

erwins

Posts: 238 | From: Portland, Oregon | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Bug Muldoon
The "Was on Sale" Song


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Bug Muldoon   E-mail Bug Muldoon   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
As far as me generally being confused and not knowing what I want: yes, I'm painfully aware of that. But wanting to sort it out hasn't helped. Every time I think I have arrived at a resonable conclusion, something seems to happen to make me full of self-doubt again. I am not sure I will ever have it sorted out.
And that, I think, is where you're stuck. You do not arrive at a 'reasonable conclusion' when it comes to reflecting on your life and needs. A reasonable conclusion implies you compromised along the way and that is not how you evaluate your hopes and desires.

quote:
I got myself into counseling. The point of counseling was to deal with how I was feeling, and -- in part -- what made me make some very poor choices in the dating arena. My therapist helped me think of what qualities I wanted to look for in a potential partner, in order to have a healthy relationship. Once I was in better shape generally, I started to look online. It was about a year after starting counseling that I started looking for a date.
I'll happily second this advice. There is only so much your friends can do for you and the fact that you've been searching for answers for years should clue you in that maybe, it's time to confront your issues with the help of a professional.

--------------------
All along the untrodden paths of the future, I can see the footprints of an unseen hand.

Posts: 6912 | From: Flanders | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Llewtrah
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Llewtrah   Author's Homepage   E-mail Llewtrah   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Regarding comments about being too weird to find friends, I found quite a few via the Snopes forums.

--------------------
Messybeast Cat Resource Archive
Llewtrah's Soapbox

Posts: 2040 | From: Chelmsford, Essex, England | Registered: Dec 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Llewtrah
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Llewtrah   Author's Homepage   E-mail Llewtrah   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
EQT - rather than specific crossdresser sites, why not make contact with your local BDSM community? Are there munches or kink-friendly events in your area? Are there kink expos/markets? You can go in either male or female persona to those events and start networking. They usually cater for all sorts - I've socialised with TV, TG and the vanilla partners of kinky attendees. Often you can pick up cards or leaflets and make contact with groups you might not have found on the web. You can also learn from their experiences.

Initially you could attract interest from the doms etc. That always seems to happen when someone new turns up - just say "no thanks" and they'll move on (though I admit it can get irritating). One thing though - you need to keep on going, not drop out after one or two events or get togethers. If you keep on socialising with kink-friendly folks, you have more chance of meeting someone you get along with.

The more people you get out and meet - either real life or online - the more chance you have of finding the right person and of learning more about yourself. But you really do have to kiss a lot of frogs along the way.

--------------------
Messybeast Cat Resource Archive
Llewtrah's Soapbox

Posts: 2040 | From: Chelmsford, Essex, England | Registered: Dec 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Soft Hyphen
I Saw Three Shipments


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Soft Hyphen     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by snopes:
EQT, you've been starting the same thread over and over for years now. This will be the last one. Be forewarned that the first time you try this on the new board will be your last.

- snopes

Wow. I seriously thought you were more of a laid-back guy than this, snopes. I found this thread pretty interesting and relevant to me personally, and I'm sure I'm not the only one.

(As opposed to, say, the initiation thread, which to me seems utterly unfunny and pointless, but people enjoy it and it gets recreated every month without any complaints from you.)

Chill out, man.

Posts: 78 | From: Toronto, Ontario | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
DemonWolf
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


Icon 1 posted      Profile for DemonWolf     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Take some advice from Sun Tzu:
quote:
If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.
First, decide who you are. Many of us don't take the time to do a self inventory. If you're not happy with yourself or you feel confused about your identity, how can a potential partner get to know you well enough for a relationship?

Then decide what you want. Do you want a long term romance or a short fling? If you know what you are looking for, it is a lot easier to decide where to look.

Once you know those two factors, only then can you develop a plan. To be honest, if your life is undergoing many changes, or your personality is, it may be best to wait until things are more settled.

My own personal advice is to read up on deer hunting.
A hunter does not tromp though the woods looking for deer, instead he finds a place where he knows the deer will come and waits patiently.

Find a place that you like and where you like the people. Socialize and stop looking for love. Love will find you.


Demon "Who needs Dear Abbey when you have Field & Stream?" Wolf

--------------------
Friends are like skittles: they come in many colors, and some are fruity!

IMJW-052804

Posts: 7224 | From: Massachusetts | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
hoitoider
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


Icon 1 posted      Profile for hoitoider   E-mail hoitoider   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Echinodermata Q. Taft:
...few women around my age are much interested in a guy who still doesn't know what he wants to be when he grows up.

Sorry, I don't buy that at all. Saying "I'm taking some classes at community college & just enjoying life" will win out over "I graduated from college 21 years ago, have a professional career & own my own business." The former implies spontaneity & a care-free lifestyle, w/ pleny of time for pampering. The latter implies a 9-5'er w/ a tight schedule & little free time, like what someone's father does for a living.

(not to get sidetracked but this is 'rantidote' - ranting isn't supposed to be rational, apply universally, or support someone else's pov)

--------------------
No man has a right in America to treat any other man "tolerantly" for tolerance is the assumption of superiority. -Wendell L. Willkie

Posts: 3833 | From: Virginia | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Bug Muldoon
The "Was on Sale" Song


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Bug Muldoon   E-mail Bug Muldoon   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
My own personal advice is to read up on deer hunting.
A hunter does not tromp though the woods looking for deer, instead he finds a place where he knows the deer will come and waits patiently.

Find a place that you like and where you like the people. Socialize and stop looking for love. Love will find you.


Demon "Who needs Dear Abbey when you have Field & Stream?" Wolf

You, my friend, Owe Me A New Keyboard. And kudos for finding a way to wring good dating advice out of a hunting metaphor.

--------------------
All along the untrodden paths of the future, I can see the footprints of an unseen hand.

Posts: 6912 | From: Flanders | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Magdalene
Happy Holly Days


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Magdalene   E-mail Magdalene   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I'm going to have to echo everybody on the "You have to like yourself" bit first off...it does seem pretty obvious that you're very confused about things, which probably sends off odd signals/vibes to people around you.

Second, you had talked about others being 'too picky', but I'm going to have to disagree and say it's not others...I think it's you that's too picky. I know other cross dressers who have found love, I find it hard to believe your taste in clothing is decreasing your chances to nil. Between being confused and being picky....it's not surprising you haven't met that special somebody yet.

As for meeting that special somebody, you have to take it upon yourself to increase your odds. Join groups/clubs dedicated to your hobbies and interests. I'm willing to bet there's a support group in your city for crossdressers, see if you can join that--you'll find like-minded friends there, and they may very well know open-minded people (of whichever gender you decide you prefer).

Magdalene

--------------------
"Don't mess with me. I dance with swords."

Posts: 1656 | From: Colorado | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
DemonWolf
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


Icon 1 posted      Profile for DemonWolf     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Bug Muldoon:
You, my friend, Owe Me A New Keyboard. And kudos for finding a way to wring good dating advice out of a hunting metaphor.

I aim to please. [Big Grin]

Seriously though, that's how I think. What do I want and what is the best way to accomplish that goal? In this case, he is hunting. And take it from me: Tramping around the local watering holes bellowing like a deranged stegosaurus tends to scare away potential candidates.

Somehow, people tend to pick up when you're trying and they see it as desperate. When you're not trying, you are more relaxed and confident and these are attractive qualities.

Find a club and socialise. You'll meet more people and thusl;y increasing your chances of finding that special someone.

Think about snopes. Did you come here looking to make friends or did you come here to participate in a discussion? Now look at all the friends you have on this board! (We must be friends, you're asking us to help with your love life! [Razz] )

--------------------
Friends are like skittles: they come in many colors, and some are fruity!

IMJW-052804

Posts: 7224 | From: Massachusetts | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
DemonWolf
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


Icon 1 posted      Profile for DemonWolf     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Echinodermata Q. Taft:

On the subject in general: while finding a potential partner is an important part of the process, my semi-rhetorical question also includes such things as "OK, you've found someone you're interested in, and you have some reason to think they're interested in you. Now what?" How do you make that leap? What's the actual courting process? How do you sense when it's time to take the next step -- or that it isn't? As I say, I don't think anyone can really answer these questions for me -- but I also don't trust my instincts in this area at all. I mean, from my point of view, I'd like to be able to just say to someone, "Hey, I think you're pretty attractive, and I think you like me. How about we become an us?" And they would say Yes, No, or Maybe, and we'd go from there. But it doesn't work that way...

I haven't seen that since high school when the assurance of there being an "us" was more important that who comprised the "us" in question.

Mostly it seems that you meet, hit it off and begin spending more and more time together.
When you overhear people discussing you both as thoug you only have one name (ie: "so, did you invite EQT&SO yet?") or when they see one aske where the other is (ie: "EQT! Thanks for coming. Where SO?", you're a couple. [Razz]

Other than that, the process is different for every couple.

Unless you're looking for a breif fling. Then it's usually get drunk, get lucky, get her name in the morning. [Razz]

--------------------
Friends are like skittles: they come in many colors, and some are fruity!

IMJW-052804

Posts: 7224 | From: Massachusetts | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
1958Fury
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


Icon 1 posted      Profile for 1958Fury   Author's Homepage     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by DemonWolf:
Unless you're looking for a breif fling. Then it's usually get drunk, get lucky, get her name in the morning. [Razz]

You get her name? You hopeless romantic. [Wink]

--------------------
I believe I'm growing skeptical of cynicism.
Myspace NWN Board

Posts: 917 | From: Nashville TN | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Barbara
Layaway in a Manger


Icon 304 posted      Profile for Barbara   Author's Homepage   E-mail Barbara   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Soft Hyphen:
quote:
Originally posted by snopes:
EQT, you've been starting the same thread over and over for years now. This will be the last one. Be forewarned that the first time you try this on the new board will be your last.

- snopes

Wow. I seriously thought you were more of a laid-back guy than this, snopes. I found this thread pretty interesting and relevant to me personally, and I'm sure I'm not the only one.

Chill out, man.

EQT threads attract a fair number of newcomers who, not having seen these things play out before, would fail to understand the context in which snopes' directive is given and thus think it overly harsh. So here's the context.

EQT has been starting these sorts of threads for four years or more, each time sucking in an ever-evolving group of good-hearted folk who take him at his word that he's looking for advice and so expend themselves upon providing it. They post, they offer sympathy and good suggestions, they open themselves up to him, and each time ... nothing. A month or two later (if that long) EQT starts yet another thread on the same topic, sucking in a new group of people who have since arrived on these boards plus some from former threads who are still confusedly trying to help because they haven't quite grasped that although he said he was looking for advice he was really after his drug of choice, which is attention.

snopes, being the laid-back fellow he is, has for four years put up with seeing his boards and his guests used as EQT's drug supply. He's "chilled out" on the matter for years, and guess what? Nothing changed, other than the roll call of those being used. The well thought out advice given in this thread has been given many, many times before, just by different people.

It is one thing to try to help someone who is hurting and honestly looking to make changes in his or her life. It is quite another to be taken advantage of under false pretenses and unwittingly be used as that person's drug of choice or to see one's online home turned into a virtual emotional crack house out and one's treasured guests used as the addict's personal stash of the material he needs to ingest to get his high.

Maybe if EQT weren't getting his attention fix here he actually would begin to address his problems and begin the long journey towards a far happier emotional life; I don't know. But as it stands, he has precious little incentive to do so as long as when things start to hurt he can come in here and obtain a fix that temporarily blocks out the strong "Things need to change" messages his life keeps sending him.

Barbara "thus endeth the history lesson" Mikkelson

Posts: 2511 | From: Los Angeles, CA | Registered: Feb 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
DemonWolf
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


Icon 09 posted      Profile for DemonWolf     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Personally, I was just happy for the opportunity to work Sun Tzu and Field and Stream into love advice...


[Big Grin]


ETA: I wonder what I can get out of Machiavelli? [Razz]

--------------------
Friends are like skittles: they come in many colors, and some are fruity!

IMJW-052804

Posts: 7224 | From: Massachusetts | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Llewtrah
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Llewtrah   Author's Homepage   E-mail Llewtrah   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Barbara - why not delete/lock the offending threads thus cutting off the emotional drug supply?

--------------------
Messybeast Cat Resource Archive
Llewtrah's Soapbox

Posts: 2040 | From: Chelmsford, Essex, England | Registered: Dec 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Echinodermata Q. Taft
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Echinodermata Q. Taft   Author's Homepage     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Barbara:
But as it stands, he has precious little incentive to do so as long as when things start to hurt he can come in here and obtain a fix that temporarily blocks out the strong "Things need to change" messages his life keeps sending him.

Not trying to buck snopes' decision, but if you think the attention I'm getting here is any kind of a decent substitute for a better life in general, you have an even more warped view of me than I do.

But, assuming your analysis is dead-on right, I'm still a bit unclear on who is hurt by it (other than, arguably, myself). At least this way I am getting some suggestions. But if you think cutting off these threads is the thing that will motivate me to change, rather than simply seeking another "drug," I think you have some illusions yourself.

I credit your belief in your good intentions, but are you sure it isn't just a case of you, personally, being sick of my whining -- something you could cure just as easily by opting not to read the threads?

As for the other comments: I will answer some of them privately. And in the future, when my feelings boil over to the point where I feel I must let them out somewhere, it won't be here. If that's not satisfactory, I suppose I'll hear from you again somehow.

Thanks to everyone for caring and offering what they could, and I'm sorry that I am a difficult person.

--------------------
http://eqtaft.blogspot.com

Hope for the future! http://www.runobama.com

Posts: 3218 | From: San Diego, CA | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
erwins
Deck the Malls


Icon 1 posted      Profile for erwins   E-mail erwins   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
This, EQT, is why you need to get into therapy. You were given feedback about a behavior, and you are choosing to take it as a meaning that you are "a difficult person."

There is a fair amount of passive aggressiveness in your post too, in my admittedly non-expert opinion.

These are behaviors that you can learn to change. (As are the self-defeating attitude toward dating, etc.). And, you have to be willing to work on it, in a genuine way. Admitting that what you have been doing up until now isn't working is a great first step.

Now, find a therapist who can help you figure out the next steps. Look for a therapist in your local alternative or queer paper. Try to find one who lists himself or herself as kink friendly, or as dealing with gender issues.

You can do it.

erwins

Posts: 238 | From: Portland, Oregon | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Echinodermata Q. Taft
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Echinodermata Q. Taft   Author's Homepage     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by erwins:
This, EQT, is why you need to get into therapy. You were given feedback about a behavior, and you are choosing to take it as a meaning that you are "a difficult person."

Slight clarification: when I said I was a difficult person, it wasn't because I was given feedback. It was because people I am difficult to help; as in, I have been given good advice -- or at least, potentially good advice -- which I usually find reasons (excuses) not to take. I rationalize, procrastinate, and invent reasons why it won't work. That my reasons are real in my mind at the time I offer them, doesn't mean I'm blind to the general trend.

At the same time, knowing that hasn't yet helped me with coping with it.

--------------------
http://eqtaft.blogspot.com

Hope for the future! http://www.runobama.com

Posts: 3218 | From: San Diego, CA | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
  This topic comprises 2 pages: 1  2   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.

Instant Graemlins
   


Post new topic  New Poll  Post a reply Close topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Urban Legends Reference Pages

Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classic™ 6.7.2