snopes.com Post new topic  New Poll  Post a reply
search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Hello snopes.com » SLC Central » Rantidote » How do people find love? (Page 1)

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!   This topic comprises 2 pages: 1  2   
Author Topic: How do people find love?
Echinodermata Q. Taft
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


Icon 05 posted      Profile for Echinodermata Q. Taft   Author's Homepage     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I just don't understand how anyone manages it.

Especially if you're "different" -- and I'm "different" in several major ways.

Somehow, people hook up and have relationships. Maybe they go through several to find the right one, but they keep on finding more. How? I haven't managed *one* in over twenty years.

I've never gotten over the feeling that when I was born, someone forgot to give me the manual.

ETA: for the people who are tired of me bitching on here, please take this as rhetorical. It mostly is, anyway -- I don't know what anyone could say here that would actually help.

--------------------
http://eqtaft.blogspot.com

Hope for the future! http://www.runobama.com

Posts: 3218 | From: San Diego, CA | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Michael Cole
Deck the Malls


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Michael Cole   E-mail Michael Cole   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
A few points: -

1. You don't find it, it finds you. Generally when you don't expect it. Its not a fake pot plant that you can buy down at the local department store, its a cutting that you can obtain from someone else's garden. Sometimes the cutting grows, sometimes they don't. But hey, if the original plant looks nice, ask the owner if you can take a cutting - it can't hurt.

(And if that's not a really bad analogy, I don't know what is.)

2. Unlike what TV and women's magazines say, partnering-up is not the be-all and end-all of civilisation. Relax.

Basically, what I'm saying is that when I have gone out specifically looking, my efforts have fallen flat. All of my (sucessful) relationships, including the current one, have come from when I wasn't looking or expecting anything.

Find people that you have interests in common with, meet with them in social settings, and don't go into any of those settings with the intent of finding a partner. You never know...

--------------------
Q. What's the difference between a Computer saleman and a Used Car Salesman?
A. The Used Car Salesman knows when he is lying.

Posts: 421 | From: Victoria, Australia | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Bach_girl
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Bach_girl   Author's Homepage     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
The internet.

That seems to be the new trend. I met my DH online, a bunch of snopesters met online.

--------------------
"My Very Educated Mother Just Said Uh-oh! No...Pluto..."~ Steven Colbert

Posts: 3256 | From: Somewhere in Ohio | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
kanazawa
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


Icon 1 posted      Profile for kanazawa   E-mail kanazawa   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
EQ...I am a san diego native, unfortunately in the bay area now...and about the same age...

Are you a girl or a guy, or mebbe in between or something lke that?

--------------------
If I say it's safe to surf this beach, then it's safe to surf this beach...

Posts: 127 | From: Cupertino, CA | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
happyholidaysfrog
Jingle Bell Hock


Icon 1 posted      Profile for happyholidaysfrog   Author's Homepage   E-mail happyholidaysfrog   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Bach_girl:
The internet.

That seems to be the new trend. I met my DH online, a bunch of snopesters met online.

Where on the net? My mom keeps pushing me to do this but I don't have much money to put into a dating website or anything.

--------------------
~All we see or seem is but a dream within a dream~
E.A.Poe

Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today.
~James Dean~

Posts: 516 | From: Anderson, Indiana | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
kanazawa
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


Icon 1 posted      Profile for kanazawa   E-mail kanazawa   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
and BTW I write the manuals...maybe I can help in that regard [Smile]

--------------------
If I say it's safe to surf this beach, then it's safe to surf this beach...

Posts: 127 | From: Cupertino, CA | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Echinodermata Q. Taft
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Echinodermata Q. Taft   Author's Homepage     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by kanazawa:
Are you a girl or a guy, or mebbe in between or something lke that?

Usually a guy, but not overly happy about that fact. Somtimes a crossdresser.

However, either way, I am looking for a woman. At least, I'm pretty sure I am.

--------------------
http://eqtaft.blogspot.com

Hope for the future! http://www.runobama.com

Posts: 3218 | From: San Diego, CA | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
LeaflessMapleTree
The twelve shopping days 'til Christmas


Icon 1 posted      Profile for LeaflessMapleTree   E-mail LeaflessMapleTree   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Basically, what I'm saying is that when I have gone out specifically looking, my efforts have fallen flat. All of my (sucessful) relationships, including the current one, have come from when I wasn't looking or expecting anything.
100%. Absolutely.

--------------------
"For me, religion is like a rhinoceros: I don't have one, and I'd really prefer not to be trampled by yours. But it is impressive, and even beautiful, and, to be honest, the world would be slightly worse off if there weren't any."
-Silas Sparkhammer

Posts: 3239 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
mags
Jingle Bell Hock


Icon 04 posted      Profile for mags     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by happyholidaysfrog:
Where on the net? My mom keeps pushing me to do this but I don't have much money to put into a dating website or anything.

I met my SO of 8 years on IRC originally. He noticed I had my college, University of Dayton, in my profile, and was looking for people from the Dayton area to chat with. We really hit it off from the very beginning. I was dating someone else, though, who I thought was the love of my life at the time. So, we had to keep it just friends. I often would rather spend time chatting with him online than hanging out with my boyfriend.

I don't know how I would go about trying to find someone online now that I'm not in college anymore, tho. I tried a little in between breaking up with my college boyfriend, and moving out to California to be with my SO, and none of it was very fruitful. Online, as in real life, you're going to have to kiss a lot of toads to find the prince.

Posts: 550 | From: Springboro, OH | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
kanazawa
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


Icon 1 posted      Profile for kanazawa   E-mail kanazawa   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
EQ...I pretty much disagree with what everyone has said. Not that it didn't work for them, but it didn't work for me.

Can you send a pic?

--------------------
If I say it's safe to surf this beach, then it's safe to surf this beach...

Posts: 127 | From: Cupertino, CA | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
kanazawa
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


Icon 1 posted      Profile for kanazawa   E-mail kanazawa   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
BTW where in SD?

--------------------
If I say it's safe to surf this beach, then it's safe to surf this beach...

Posts: 127 | From: Cupertino, CA | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Ganzfeld
Let There Be PCs on Earth


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Ganzfeld     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
EQT, I think this must be the fifteenth thread you've posted on this subject. Did you think something changed in the past few months?

I totally empathize with you. It's just that it doesn't seem to have been very productive in the past. Number one rule about finding love: If it doesn't seem to be working, do something different!

And, in the words of Robin Williams: "Bee yourself!"

Posts: 4922 | From: Kyoto, Japan | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
LeaflessMapleTree
The twelve shopping days 'til Christmas


Icon 1 posted      Profile for LeaflessMapleTree   E-mail LeaflessMapleTree   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Serious suggestion: Have you tried looking online to see if there are any cross-dresser dating sites?

--------------------
"For me, religion is like a rhinoceros: I don't have one, and I'd really prefer not to be trampled by yours. But it is impressive, and even beautiful, and, to be honest, the world would be slightly worse off if there weren't any."
-Silas Sparkhammer

Posts: 3239 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
cageboy
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


Icon 1 posted      Profile for cageboy     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I find that if you have things to do you will find people to do those things with. That means outside with real people. Online friends are fine but you never have the interaction you would over 5 minutes of coffee.

Love yourself. If you can't figure out why and fix it.

Last take chances. If everyone waits to ask for a date no one will get one. In the end it comes down to thinking that you could have or knowing that you can/can't.

Posts: 10 | From: Billings, MT | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
unbroken
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


Icon 1 posted      Profile for unbroken   Author's Homepage     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by LeaflessMapleTree:
Serious suggestion: Have you tried looking online to see if there are any cross-dresser dating sites?

I second this -- my flatmate, who's f2m transgender (not the same thing at all as crossdressing, but possibly even more difficult to find a partner as) met his boyfriend (also f2m) on the internet -- it seems to be a pretty standard way of meeting people if you're unconventionally inclined. Even if you're not looking for someone else who's unconventionally inclined, it's still a good way to meet people who are understanding and respectful of your inclinations.

--------------------
Oddly enough, the island of Ireland looks remarkably like a small old man driving an old Ford Fiesta.

Posts: 950 | From: Dublin | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Bug Muldoon
The "Was on Sale" Song


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Bug Muldoon   E-mail Bug Muldoon   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
However, either way, I am looking for a woman. At least, I'm pretty sure I am.
I sense a great deal of confusion here. One of the key things I've been taught about love is that you can only love if you love yourself - which is not going to happen if you are not sure about your identity or your needs, nor if you're uncomfortable with yourself.

Forgive me if this sounds rude, but are you looking for someone because you are lonely, or because you feel it's somehow 'proper'? Do you want to find a partner, or do you just want to be in love?

--------------------
All along the untrodden paths of the future, I can see the footprints of an unseen hand.

Posts: 6912 | From: Flanders | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
FullMetal
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


Icon 1 posted      Profile for FullMetal   E-mail FullMetal   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I met my DW online, and it really didn't cost all that much for me. and it was free for her.

we met on Lavalife, but it's true, you find it when you're not looking. I was actually ready to give up on dating, and on lavalife, that I was starting to use up unused credits. when I met her. we met, and almost 2 years later, we're married and have a son together. It's easy to get discouraged, but don't try to hard, (but don't not try at all) just go out and have fun, if you do try online stuff, go with the mindset of meeting new people, you'll meet some great people, some not so great people, and some in between people, and some very unique people [Razz] )

just have fun at it. that's really the best advice. if you go into looking for love as "looking for love" you won't find it. you'll probabally scare off a few women (or men). because what I've seen, most single people, even the ones who are looking for serious commitment, want to start out just having fun and seeing where that takes you.

Posts: 153 | From: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
franjava
Deck the Malls


Icon 1 posted      Profile for franjava     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
And, in the words of Robin Williams: "Bee yourself!" [/QB]
"Alladin" WOOHOO! Reference points for me!!

Seriously... I agree with everone here. Hobbies are great for finding people, as are classes, services for DOYC, etc. Internet can be very good too, especially with your cross-dressing background. Bars and clubs are not always the best for finding someone. People there tend to be drunk and/or just looking for a "good time." And love does kind of just smack you in the face, so stop looking so hard. Broaden your base of friends and stuff will just happen.

--------------------
Never eat anything given to you by a toddler.

Posts: 258 | From: Rochester, NY | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Joe Bentley
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Joe Bentley   Author's Homepage   E-mail Joe Bentley   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
I sense a great deal of confusion here. One of the key things I've been taught about love is that you can only love if you love yourself - which is not going to happen if you are not sure about your identity or your needs, nor if you're uncomfortable with yourself.

Forgive me if this sounds rude, but are you looking for someone because you are lonely, or because you feel it's somehow 'proper'? Do you want to find a partner, or do you just want to be in love? [/QB]

I have to agree with Bug on this one.

I'm seriously and honestly not trying to be rude Taft, but I think you have to seriously sit down and ask yourself if you are mad at the world for not giving you what you want, or mad at yourself for not knowing what it is you want.

--------------------
"Existence has no pattern save what we imagine after staring at it for too long." - Rorschach, The Watchmen

Posts: 8929 | From: Norfolk, Virginia | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Evil_eyes
We Three Blings


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Evil_eyes   Author's Homepage   E-mail Evil_eyes   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I third the confusion bit.

Take some time to really think about the things you want in a partner be it male or female, and if you could be with that gender. But I do beleive that in order to find someone you first have to know what it is your actually looking for. You don't just settle on a car or a house, so don't just settle with being with a woman because you think that is what you are after.

I met my SO online in Yahoo personals, though I think it was a fluke on both of our parts since he was bored the night he im'ed me.

You will meet someone, it take time. You want someone to be with who you are and everything that comes with it. I don't think it can happen over night or in a month's time. But first find out who you are looking for. Then take it from there.

E*E

--------------------
"Taking all the pain I give you
Loving blindly in return
And I need you more than ever"
WWW.Myspace.com/E_E2000

Posts: 1243 | From: Northern VA | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Lainie
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Lainie   E-mail Lainie   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
There's some very wise advice given above, specifically about knowing what you want and about not seeing partnering-up as the most important thing in the world. I've been without a relationship, and have only rarely dated, during the 10+ years since my divorce. It bothered me a lot for a while, and it occasionally bothers me a little, but overall, I'm okay with it. I'm not unloved: I have friends and family who care very much about me.

If, however, you really want a relationship, here's another point to consider: while narrowing down what you want, take a good hard look at your standards for the other person.

Here's an example: One of my brothers is single and always has been. He's in his early 50's. He's an average-looking guy, thinning hair, has always been a tad overweight. He doesn't have much money. I have watched him, for decades, discard as a possible partner every woman who's a few pounds overweight, or not super-cute, or who basically has any flaws. He has extremely high standards for what's attractive in a woman. If they're not movie-star pretty, they're not good-looking enough. Well, of course, movie-star good-looking women don't generally want to date average-looking guys with not much money (except on sitcoms, where gorgeous women always seem to end up married to men like that).

In my brother's case, for a number of reasons, I suspect he's a closet case and dismisses all these women because he really wants a guy and can't admit it even to himself.

But ambivalence about one's own sexuality is hardly the only reason why people might set impossibly high standards for their potential partners. Ambivalence about emotional or physical intimacy might be another; and then there's plain old failure to see reality.

There's hard work to be done here, EQ: thinking about yourself, about what you really want, about what you might really be able to get, and then doing the actual work to figure out how to find that. Only you know if you're really up for it or not.

--------------------
How homophobic do you have to be to have penguin gaydar? - Lewis Black

Posts: 8322 | From: Columbus, OH | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Fantine
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Fantine     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Where on the net? My mom keeps pushing me to do this but I don't have much money to put into a dating website or anything.
In the summer of 2003 I paid for one month's membership at a site called emode.com. (I think it's called tickle.com now.) It was $14.95, which was a lot of money for me at the time, but it allowed me to write unlimited e-mails to however many people I wanted, and they could reply for free whether or not they had paid a membership fee. I wrote to probably forty different men, and went out with ten or twelve of them. I didn't go out with most of them a second time, but there were three or four who caught my interest. One of them was particularly interesting. I married him in January 2004, and am very happy.

Before my marathon of internet dating, I had little dating experience and had never been in a serious relationship. The internet was a comforting method of introduction for me, because I didn't have to face rejection in person. I steered away from long-term e-mail relationships, since what I really wanted to do was meet in person. I met my husband after we exchanged just one e-mail, and from there on it was like any other relationship.

I agree with the other snopesters who said that looking for love is not the way to go. The harder you look, the harder it is to find. But you should try the internet. Don't go into it looking for a relationship--just go into it looking to meet some new people and have some fun.

--------------------
"I was raised to be charming, not sincere."
--Cinderella's Prince, Into the Woods, by Stephen Sondheim

Posts: 54 | From: Tacoma, WA | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Ryda Wong, EBfCo.
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Ryda Wong, EBfCo.   E-mail Ryda Wong, EBfCo.   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
The internet has been a great source for me. I'm a bit of an odd person, and have certain standards for partners that can't be determined in many chance meetings.

I had some sucess on Springstreet networks (i.e., the onion/nerve personals) and great sucess on craigslist (hundreds of responses in a few hours). These allowed me to tailor my responses far more than, for example, lavalife and the standard sites, which seemed mundane, and didn't answer or ask the questions I needed. Also, CL and SS are more likely to be queer-friendly.
(I'd be happy email you the copy of my CL ad, if you want to get an idea about how I went about it).


One thing, though. Be flexible. It's taken years and years and relationships upon relationships
to come to an understanding that what I want and what I need are two different things. Best to find something in the middle for me. Recently, I thought I had found what I wanted, thought I was really, really in love, and I was. Thing is, I discovered that that kind of love was, well, not a good thing for me to be in.

I hope I can live with that, and with a man who loves me deeply and supports me in the way I need to be supported.

Good luck....

--------------------
So many spankings! It feels so good! But at the same time, I don't care about meeting your family! - I'mNotDedalus:

Posts: 3216 | From: Denver, CO | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
desertdweller
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


Icon 1 posted      Profile for desertdweller   E-mail desertdweller   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
try the "you are not alone" website. I am at work and can't google it for you but web search should find it.

--------------------
Just singin' in the Bahrain

Posts: 49 | From: Manama, Bahrain | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Llewtrah
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Llewtrah   Author's Homepage   E-mail Llewtrah   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Echinodermata Q. Taft:
I just don't understand how anyone manages it.

Especially if you're "different" -- and I'm "different" in several major ways.

Somehow, people hook up and have relationships. Maybe they go through several to find the right one, but they keep on finding more. How? I haven't managed *one* in over twenty years.

Learn to like/love yourself enough to be confident and positive when meeting people in general. Avoid the "woe is me" approach as it is a major turn-off.

Mix with like-minded people or in groups where your differences fit in. Even if you don't find a mate, you might find new friends and people who enjoy the same hobbies or interests.

Stop looking - go out, meet people, have fun, kiss a few frogs and one of them may turn into a prince/princess.

Go to a Snopes meet (well it worked for me).

Don't build up your hopes unrealistically.

--------------------
Messybeast Cat Resource Archive
Llewtrah's Soapbox

Posts: 2040 | From: Chelmsford, Essex, England | Registered: Dec 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
1958Fury
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


Icon 1 posted      Profile for 1958Fury   Author's Homepage     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I've had a couple of friends who met their future spouses over the internet. My brother met his love using one of those matching sites.

You need to be picky about who you seek out. Not for your sake, but for hers - she has to be the type of person who can accept and love both versions of you. But of course that alone isn't something to base a relationship on, she has to have similar interests as well. These people just don't grow on trees.

I just finished reading a book full of short stories about transgendered people (and other types of gender benders), and there were several encouraging stories about people who finally found the perfect partner. (Transsexual meets bisexual, etc.) So they are out there.

I also agree those above who say that you have to be comfortable with who you are, before you go looking for the perfect match. But being in a sorta-similar boat, I recognize that sometimes finding yourself is an entire life's journey. If you wait until you've "found yourself", it might be too late.

Or more bluntly, it's one thing if you think that there's some sort of operation in your future - in that case, I'd wait until things settle before I'd drag another person into my chaos. But if "male body, gender ambiguous brain, sometimes crossdresses" IS the quintessential definition of EQ Taft, then congrats, you've found yourself, now see if you can find someone else who's comfortable with it.

My own SO goes back in forth from being (A) the one and only good thing in my life, to being (B) the one thing standing between me and true happiness.

(Edited for grammer)

--------------------
I believe I'm growing skeptical of cynicism.
Myspace NWN Board

Posts: 917 | From: Nashville TN | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Lainie
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Lainie   E-mail Lainie   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Llewtrah:
quote:
Originally posted by Echinodermata Q. Taft:
I just don't understand how anyone manages it.

Especially if you're "different" -- and I'm "different" in several major ways.

Somehow, people hook up and have relationships. Maybe they go through several to find the right one, but they keep on finding more. How? I haven't managed *one* in over twenty years.

Learn to like/love yourself enough to be confident and positive when meeting people in general. Avoid the "woe is me" approach as it is a major turn-off.
A turn-off to the people you might want to be with, and a potential turn-on to some people you really want to avoid. There are people who prefer partners with no confidence. You don't want to attract them.

--------------------
How homophobic do you have to be to have penguin gaydar? - Lewis Black

Posts: 8322 | From: Columbus, OH | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
bthyb
WiFi Christmas


Icon 1 posted      Profile for bthyb   Author's Homepage     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by desertdweller:
try the "you are not alone" website. I am at work and can't google it for you but web search should find it.

The link for URNotAlone. I have a few friends on this site, one of whom is currently a crossdresser (probably transitioning in the next few years). She's been dating a girl friend of mine for the past year and a half - so it is possible.

--------------------
If you say you love ice cream, you better be dreaming of an orgy with Ben, Jerry, and one fine-ass chunky monkey.

-- My sister and poet extraordinaire, Joanna Hoffman

Posts: 1475 | From: Los Angeles, CA | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
remigo
Deck the Malls


Icon 1 posted      Profile for remigo   E-mail remigo   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Echinodermata Q. Taft:
I just don't understand how anyone manages it.

Especially if you're "different" -- and I'm "different" in several major ways.

Somehow, people hook up and have relationships. Maybe they go through several to find the right one, but they keep on finding more. How? I haven't managed *one* in over twenty years.

I've never gotten over the feeling that when I was born, someone forgot to give me the manual.

ETA: for the people who are tired of me bitching on here, please take this as rhetorical. It mostly is, anyway -- I don't know what anyone could say here that would actually help.

Grr. I just wrote a long and helpful post, and the computer swallowed it. Not enough time to re-write it.

EQ, stop focussing on yourself & worrying about whether other people will like you. Focus on appreciating other people and liking them.

There's an aphorism somewhere (can't find exact words...) to the effect: 'The man who likes others makes it very difficult for them to dislike him'

--------------------
If you don't cry it isn't love
If you don't cry then you just don't feel it deep enough

Posts: 238 | From: Ireland | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
odin343434
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


Icon 1 posted      Profile for odin343434     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I'll 245th the confusion aspect.

You really have to know and love yourself first. Otherwise, you're just going to end up hurting someone.

When my wife and I first split up, I jumped to another relationship real quick. I took things too far too fast and I ended up hurting a very nice girl.

Then I decided that I needed to take some time to learn how to just be me. Not me with HER, not me without HER, not me wanting HER... just ME. Only then would I be ready for a relationship.

As to how... internet is good. I can't remember the exact name of the site that I'm thinking of for you, but it's in with Friendfinder.com. If you go to that site, there will be several links to their other sites that specify nationality and sexual orientation.

If you're concerned about paying for these sites, they will usually let you create a profile and search for free. They will also usually send you weekly 'matches' for free that you can add to your Hot List or Favorites.

Sign up for the free membership at as many sites as you can and let the spam of 'matches' come in. Hot List as many as you like. Then after a month or three, look at how many you have Hot Listed on each of those sites. Whichever one has the most, sign up for a month of the premium and start sending messages to your Hot List people and see what happens.

And let me tell you a little story.

When I was younger, I was working at a fast food joint. I was a junior in high school. There was this girl that I worked with who was a senior. Boy oh boy did I have a crush on her. But she was 'out of my league' and I never asked her out. We did become friends though and I certainly don't regret that friendship.

Well it came time for her to go off to college out of town. Her last day she came to say goodbye to everyone and took me outside to say goodbye privately. She then confessed that she had always liked me but was too afraid to tell me.

The point? JUST ASK. You never know!

Posts: 182 | From: Westland, MI | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Purple Iguana
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Purple Iguana   Author's Homepage   E-mail Purple Iguana   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Echinodermata Q. Taft:
quote:
Originally posted by kanazawa:
Are you a girl or a guy, or mebbe in between or something lke that?

Usually a guy, but not overly happy about that fact. Somtimes a crossdresser.

However, either way, I am looking for a woman. At least, I'm pretty sure I am.

Hon, I am far from the sagest source of advice here at snopes, but I think that it's going to be really hard to land yourself a body until you 1) feel comfortable in your own skin, whatever skin that might be, and 2) you know exactly what you're looking for.

But even when you get those two things nailed down, there's still a great deal of just plain luck involved. There are the romantic answers... ya know... like "you find love when you least expect it," but I always found that sort of sentiment entirely unhelpful.

I eventually fell in love with and married my best friend. There's something to be said for that because you don't have to wade through all that first date BS, but that's not to say that it's for everyone.

I think the best advice is to find a transvestite/transgender (not trying to be insensitive, just... whichever applies) website or group and make some contacts that way. That's not to say that you'll necessarily find your true love that way, but it couldn't hurt.

HUGS and best of luck to you.

--------------------
They just don't make crazed, beserk robots like they used to. --Sheen Estevez, Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius

If I manage to post something swipe-worthy that you would like to make your sig, you may do so with my blessing.

Posts: 2486 | From: East Stroudsburg, PA | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
1958Fury
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


Icon 1 posted      Profile for 1958Fury   Author's Homepage     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
...and if none of that works, start your own reality show.

--------------------
I believe I'm growing skeptical of cynicism.
Myspace NWN Board

Posts: 917 | From: Nashville TN | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
magpie
Deck the Malls


Icon 1 posted      Profile for magpie   E-mail magpie   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Ok, I don't want to derail this topic too much, but what if you just want friends? I have a husband, but I'm far too weird and antisocial to get friends. I'd really just like one good one. Unfortuately all the sites out there, including things like MySpace, seem to cater to people you already know, or finding someone to date or have sex with. Even when I tried Craigslist and said specifically I was looking for a friend and friend ONLY, the girl thought it was ok to proposition me after a few months because girl/girl relationships wouldn't be cheating. WTF?
Posts: 439 | From: Redondo Beach, CA | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Ana Ng
Let There Be PCs on Earth


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Ana Ng   Author's Homepage     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
During my brief foray into dating, I was often on Consumating. It's annoyingly hipster, but there are a lot of meetups and it's a fun, not too direct way of meeting people and dating.

My ex-turned-roommate is actually having a co-ed sleepover (elsewhere) with a fellow consumator tonight, so clearly it works. [Wink] Basically, you list your interests and descriptive terms, and the first way you really contact someone is through tagging them. It's got a lot of ways to participate like question and photo of the week, or conversations. It's more like a mixer than anything. It might be fun to play with, especially since it's not really directly for dating.

FWIW, I always find "falling in love" comes at the most inconvenient times, so maybe you should go undertake something wherein having a girlfriend will conflict with the activity/state.

--------------------
My great grandfather planted that tree!

Posts: 4862 | From: Brooklyn | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
1958Fury
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


Icon 1 posted      Profile for 1958Fury   Author's Homepage     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by magpie:
Ok, I don't want to derail this topic too much, but what if you just want friends? I have a husband, but I'm far too weird and antisocial to get friends. I'd really just like one good one. Unfortuately all the sites out there, including things like MySpace, seem to cater to people you already know, or finding someone to date or have sex with.

My SO and I recently made friends with another married couple; we met them using Friendster.

--------------------
I believe I'm growing skeptical of cynicism.
Myspace NWN Board

Posts: 917 | From: Nashville TN | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
  This topic comprises 2 pages: 1  2   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.

Instant Graemlins
   


Post new topic  New Poll  Post a reply Close topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Urban Legends Reference Pages

Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classic™ 6.7.2