snopes.com Post new topic  New Poll  Post a reply
search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Hello snopes.com » SLC Central » Rantidote » "The Real World" (Long) (Page 1)

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!   This topic comprises 2 pages: 1  2   
Author Topic: "The Real World" (Long)
qualli
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


Icon 02 posted      Profile for qualli   E-mail qualli   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I hate, hate, hate the phrase "the real world"

No, you're not allowed to decide that my opinions or life experiences are worth less than yours because I'm a college student, or I have an unconventional job, or I still live with my parents.

Look, this is my life. this is my world. so shut the nfbsk up.

Having a mortage does not mean you are smarter. Having a nine to five job you hate does not make you more important than me. The "real world" does not equal "the world you live in"

Thank You.

This message brought to you by a lovely discussion I had with my mom. I told her I really wanted to build my own house. I'm compiling a notebook with lots of different little ideas and plans for future reference. I made the mistake of telling her that I'd like to buy some of the farmland from my grandmother to build on. Before the words "eventually" even leave my mouth she's all over me about "with what money?" "you don't even have a job" "when are you going to join the real world?" ...wtf?! I do have a job. Yeah it's a pagan store. Yeah it's actualy more like a second home, and I often do stay there on the weekends. My Goddess, I acutally like my bosses and coworkers, what a horrible crime! And what the hell is wrong with wanting to live unconventionaly? She of course, doesn't want me to get a place of my own (which would be silly, because then I'd have to get a second job and still keep up with college)

Now, theoreticly I could join the "Real world." Quit the job I love because it doesn't pay enough, go to work cooking fast food or something to earn enough to live in a skeezy little apartment. But dammit, that's just nfbsking depressing. The cynical part of me thinks she just keeps changing the definition of the "real world" so she'll always have an exscuse to dismiss my ideas or experiences.

--------------------
"I still say Obi-wan Kenobi was The Force's bitch."

Posts: 820 | From: North Carolina | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
GenYus
Away in a Manager's Special


Icon 1 posted      Profile for GenYus   E-mail GenYus   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
You'll feel differently when you're a "real" adult.

--------------------
IIRC, it wasn't the shoe bomber's loud prayers that sparked the takedown by the other passengers; it was that he was trying to light his shoe on fire. Very, very different. Canuckistan

Posts: 3694 | From: Arizona | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Rhiandmoi
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Rhiandmoi   E-mail Rhiandmoi   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I thought this rant was going to be about the show, which I absolutely hate. And somehow it keeps showing up on my tv.

Anyway, I think your mother is just trying to say that some of your plans are clearly pie in the sky dreams and she would like you to spend your time setting goals for yourself that are more readily achievable.

It's still fine and good to dream big. But it is also important to dream small and medium too.

I'd like to have my own bed and breakfast with a small boutique vineyard and winery. But that is clearly a pie in the sky dream. I don't have the money, or connections to that kind of money, or even know people that know people with that kind of money. That's my big dream. My medium dream is to become a personal assistant to a mover or shaker in the tech world. My small dream is to finish my Christmas shopping.

--------------------
I think that hyperbole is the single greatest factor contributing to the decline of society. - My friend Pat.

What is .02 worth?

Posts: 8745 | From: California | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
bthyb
WiFi Christmas


Icon 1 posted      Profile for bthyb   Author's Homepage     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
There are some things that I don't tell my parents because I know they won't understand and/or be supportive. We love each other, but they're definitely from a different world than I - and my world is just as real.

Do your own thing; as long as you're taking care of responsibilities and you're not breaking laws it's nobody's business how you do it.

--------------------
If you say you love ice cream, you better be dreaming of an orgy with Ben, Jerry, and one fine-ass chunky monkey.

-- My sister and poet extraordinaire, Joanna Hoffman

Posts: 1475 | From: Los Angeles, CA | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
I'm 20th Century Fox
Happy Holly Days


Icon 1 posted      Profile for I'm 20th Century Fox   Author's Homepage   E-mail I'm 20th Century Fox   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
It sounds like you actually have some solid, attainable dreams (buy some of your grandmother's land), not some vague I'd-like-to-buy-some-land-somewhere type of dream. Good for you. Don't let anyone else, even your mom, kill your dreams. She probably knows that your dreams may change a few times through the years, but I applaud you for having them. And wouldn't it be cool if you stick with yours and they worked out just like you planned?

--------------------
When my chin is on the ground I pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again.

Posts: 1765 | From: Greensboro, NC | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Mad Jay
Let There Be PCs on Earth


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Mad Jay     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
You want ot build your own house yourself, or are you going to pay other people to build your house for you?

--------------------
Nico Sasha
In between my father's fields;And the citadels of the rule; Lies a no-man's land which I must cross; To find my stolen jewel.

Posts: 4912 | From: VA | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
ASL
We Three Blings


Icon 1 posted      Profile for ASL   E-mail ASL   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I have a dream, that one day, when my time in the Navy is done, I'll find a nice warm street corner in Texas and live there for a few months while I figure out what the hell I'm going to do with a math degree. I don't tell my parents that one for obvious reasons. I think I'd like to work as a cashier in a record store or some such thing.

--------------------
"Dear Lord, please protect this rockethouse and all who dwell within..."

Posts: 1093 | From: Japan | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Rhiandmoi
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Rhiandmoi   E-mail Rhiandmoi   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Mad Jay:
You want ot build your own house yourself, or are you going to pay other people to build your house for you?

http://msgboard.snopes.com/message/ultimatebb.php?/ubb/get_topic/f/2/t/006686/p/1.html

--------------------
I think that hyperbole is the single greatest factor contributing to the decline of society. - My friend Pat.

What is .02 worth?

Posts: 8745 | From: California | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Pogue Ma-humbug
Happy Christmas (Malls are Open)


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Pogue Ma-humbug   E-mail Pogue Ma-humbug   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by qualli:
I hate, hate, hate the phrase "the real world"

No, you're not allowed to decide that my opinions or life experiences are worth less than yours because I'm a college student, or I have an unconventional job, or I still live with my parents.

Well, yes I am. Having never supported yourself, and still in the learning stages, your opinions on certain things -- like how to buy a house and how to support oneself -- are less than mine because I have done both.


quote:
Having a mortage does not mean you are smarter.
No, but it gives me the knowledge to know what it takes to pay off a mortgage, which you may or may not have. And given your rant, I have to believe you don't.

quote:
Having a nine to five job you hate does not make you more important than me. The "real world" does not equal "the world you live in"
Why do you assume I hate my job?

quote:
This message brought to you by a lovely discussion I had with my mom. I told her I really wanted to build my own house. I'm compiling a notebook with lots of different little ideas and plans for future reference. I made the mistake of telling her that I'd like to buy some of the farmland from my grandmother to build on. Before the words "eventually" even leave my mouth she's all over me about "with what money?" "you don't even have a job" "when are you going to join the real world?" ...wtf?! I do have a job. Yeah it's a pagan store. Yeah it's actualy more like a second home, and I often do stay there on the weekends. My Goddess, I acutally like my bosses and coworkers, what a horrible crime! And what the hell is wrong with wanting to live unconventionaly? She of course, doesn't want me to get a place of my own (which would be silly, because then I'd have to get a second job and still keep up with college)
The question isn't whether you like or hate your job, but whether it pays enough to pay the expenses and debt you are likely to get into.

Have you thought about how much the land will cost and how you will buy it? Do you know how much time, effort and money it takes to build a house?

And if you cannot pay rent on your current job, what makes you think you'll be able to avoid what's likely to be a much more expensive mortgage -- in addition to taxes, upkeep, living expenses and other debt?

quote:
Now, theoreticly I could join the "Real world." Quit the job I love because it doesn't pay enough, go to work cooking fast food or something to earn enough to live in a skeezy little apartment. But dammit, that's just nfbsking depressing.
Yep, sometimes it is. But if your current job won't even pay for a "skeezy" apartment -- and a job at a fast food joint will pay more -- perhaps it's time to rethink your priorities. You can't have a poor-paying job and a expensive lifestyle, with a custom built house.

quote:
The cynical part of me thinks she just keeps changing the definition of the "real world" so she'll always have an exscuse to dismiss my ideas or experiences.
Or perhaps she wants you to take a more realistic look at life. It's nice to have dreams, and it's nice to have support for those dreams. But the people you love shouldn't allow you to maintain unrealistic hopes about the future, and about what it will take to achieve those dreams.

Pogue

--------------------
Let's drink to the causes in your life:
Your family, your friends, the union, your wife.

Posts: 11325 | From: Kentucky | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Mama Duck
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Mama Duck     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I have a totally off topic question. How do you make a cob house suitable for North Carolina? YOu get far more rain and humidity than the cob houses I've heard of.

--------------------
There is no interpersonal problem so big that it can't be solved with a suitably large amount of high explosives. ~ Bufungla

Posts: 3562 | From: South Texas | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
IlGreven, Swan a-Swimmin'
Grandma Got Run Over by a Rain Check


Icon 1 posted      Profile for IlGreven, Swan a-Swimmin'     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
This is the same reasoning why I hate the phrase "use common sense". Because everyone has different life experiences. Everyone. No one thing can be common to base "common sense" on. I prefer "be reasonable", because everyone can relate reason to something in their life.

Also "conventional wisdom". Who's convention?

--------------------
A gigantic force on the 'Net, and even BIGGER in person.

Posts: 508 | From: Ohio | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Christie
The Bills of St. Mary's


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Christie     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I could easily see my daughter posting a similar rant about me. I'm the meanie who rained on her "I want to be a doctor" dream when she was 18. I pointed out that it takes more than desire to wear a white coat and be important, oh and having seen every episode of ER twice, to make this dream a reality. Pesky little details like not having top marks and not having the drive to make it happen weren't worth worrying about apparently.

We do our children no favours whatsoever by encouraging them to reach for unattainable goals - least of all when they have reached adulthood and have already given us a pretty good idea of what they are capable of and what they are prepared to do to achieve their dreams.

--------------------
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation. - Jean Kerr

Posts: 18428 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
ASL
We Three Blings


Icon 1 posted      Profile for ASL   E-mail ASL   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Christie, out of curiosity, did you tell your daughter what she needed to do in order to achieve her goal and what her first step should be if she's serious? Because just telling someone they're foolish for having an "unattainable" goal is the first step to ensuring that you don't endear yourself to them. If you gave her advice and she really couldn't live up to her own expectations, then fine. But if you just said "hahahhaha, silly girl, you can't be a doctor! You couldn't even [insert random past failure]" then, well...

--------------------
"Dear Lord, please protect this rockethouse and all who dwell within..."

Posts: 1093 | From: Japan | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Christie
The Bills of St. Mary's


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Christie     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by ASL:
Christie, out of curiosity, did you tell your daughter what she needed to do in order to achieve her goal and what her first step should be if she's serious? Because just telling someone they're foolish for having an "unattainable" goal is the first step to ensuring that you don't endear yourself to them. If you gave her advice and she really couldn't live up to her own expectations, then fine. But if you just said "hahahhaha, silly girl, you can't be a doctor! You couldn't even [insert random past failure]" then, well...

Of course we talked about what she needed to do if she wanted to have a career in medicine. She even job shadowed a young cousin of mine who had just finished her residency and was specializing in radiology.

My daughter, despite knowing how brilliant my cousin had been all through school, seemed to think that an exception would be made for her and a solid B+ average was going to open the doors of the finest medical schools in the land. Uh, no.

I explained that university was her opportunity to pull up her marks but my kid is what I would describe as an "all rounder". She does reasonable well in school, has an active social life, plays sports, volunteers and spends hours on the computer. She wasn't prepared to change her lifestyle or study habits in any way. Well sorry kiddo - but in that case Pick A New Dream.

--------------------
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation. - Jean Kerr

Posts: 18428 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Diesa
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Diesa   Author's Homepage   E-mail Diesa   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I am goign through at 30 yro the same little argument with my mom I am fiancialy secure but I keep getting dont you want more out of your life than to be living here, ( I just moved back here in May after being in the Navy ) and I am a full time student now. But for some reason the fact that I am back living in little ole Leland NC which people have never even heard of and I am now happy has no bearing on the fact.
Posts: 21 | From: Leland, NC | Registered: Dec 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Rhiandmoi
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Rhiandmoi   E-mail Rhiandmoi   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Are you living with your mother Diesa?

--------------------
I think that hyperbole is the single greatest factor contributing to the decline of society. - My friend Pat.

What is .02 worth?

Posts: 8745 | From: California | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
BeachLife
The Bills of St. Mary's


Icon 1 posted      Profile for BeachLife   Author's Homepage   E-mail BeachLife   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I think the "don't you want more for your life" argument is entirely different from the argument in the OP.

As long as you're happy with your life, I don't see any reason anyone, including your parents, should push you to have a life that they think is somehow 'better' than the one you are living.

But, if you're ambitions for employment are totally out of line with your big plans in your life, your parents should be there helping you to line them up. I think you can have friends that support what ever irrational dream you might come up with, but as a parent, I believe it's my job to help my kids achieve, or at least understand what's necesary to achieve.

I spent a lot of time with my daughter, who is now in college, discussing what she wanted to do with her life and how she was going to get there. We still have these dicussions. I would be neglecting my duty as her parent though if I were to encourage having a 'lifestyle' job while dreaming of owning something it couldn't afford.

Beach...and yeah, I think I'm wiser than most 20 year olds, otherwise I've wasted the last two decades of my adulthood...Life!

--------------------
Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
Jack Dragon, On Being a Dragon
Confessions of a Dragon's scribe
Diary of my Heart Surgery

Posts: 12094 | From: Michigan | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Hero_Mike
Happy Holly Days


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Hero_Mike         Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
When I was in high-school, one of my good friends from the band had a medical condition which caused her to have several surgeries and lose a half year, most of it spent in the hospital. She grew to idolize the doctors who had saved her life. Not the whole medical profession, but just the doctors, and specifically, the surgeons. She would practice signing her name as Dr. Hername Lastname, even adding various flourishes and honorifics for various medical organizations.

One problem - she was a solid "B" student on the community college track. She wasn't even on the track of high-school courses which would gain admission to a Canadian university. In short, she wasn't qualified, and at some point, desire alone cannot make up for these shortcomings. Granted that she was suffering various setbacks because of her health problems, it seemed clear to me and her other friends - she lacked the ability to do what she desired.

I fail to understand how some people don't realize this when it comes to certain aspects of life - academic endeavours are a fairly good example of this. I know that no matter how much desire I have, I can never become a professional athlete in any sport or discipline. I lack the basic physical abilities - not enough hand-eye co-ordination, flexibility, balance, reflexes, or strength. Some of those cannot be improved by training, or rather, they cannot be improved enough to elevate me to that level. Wanting it alone isn't enough. Why isn't this more clear?

In the end the story of my friend does not have as happy of an ending as there could be. She graduated high-school with a solid-B average, went to community college and got her diploma as a nursing assistant. Not being particularly good at it, she couldn't find steady work and became a make-up artist. When her own health problems resurfaced, she became a receptionist in an animal hospital. None of that desire and "idolization" could manifest itself into a career as a surgeon, and there was none of the pleasure which came from either the accomplishments (like saving lives), or the financial rewards.

--------------------
"The fate of *billions* depends on you! Hahahahaha....sorry." Lord Raiden - Mortal Kombat

Posts: 1587 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Christie
The Bills of St. Mary's


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Christie     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Hero_Mike:

I fail to understand how some people don't realize this when it comes to certain aspects of life - academic endeavours are a fairly good example of this. I know that no matter how much desire I have, I can never become a professional athlete in any sport or discipline. I lack the basic physical abilities - not enough hand-eye co-ordination, flexibility, balance, reflexes, or strength. Some of those cannot be improved by training, or rather, they cannot be improved enough to elevate me to that level. Wanting it alone isn't enough. Why isn't this more clear?

If you ever get an answer to that I'd love to hear it!

And as long as some people want to blame their parents for being dream squashers, I'll point to the other kind of parent. The parent with unrealistic expecations - the parent who seems to think that junior will be the star athlete or the school valedictorian just because of his big blue eyes.

This kind of parent does just as much damage, maybe even more, than the parent who tells a kid to aim low. Shooting for the stars requires some ammunition. Parents who don't understand this, raise kids who don't understand it either.

Sense of entitlement anyone?

--------------------
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation. - Jean Kerr

Posts: 18428 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Quink
I Saw Three Shipments


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Quink   E-mail Quink   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I get this from my family all the time because I work in the retail world. Even though I'm earning more than I would in an entry level office job and could buy a home in most cities (Not a chance in Calgary, unfortunately), the fact that I deal with the public all day means that I'm still working a kid's job. The problem is, I'm starting to think they're right. Even though I've defended my job a lot, I'm at the point where I'm really ready for a change.

For a while I've been happy to work at a job that pays the bills and pays for a decent apartment, but as I get closer to 30 my goals are changing. I don't want to wait around hoping to meet someone before buying a home. I want to continue buying nicer furniture and maybe look at getting involved in other activities that cost money. So, while having a roof over my head and being able to afford groceries was nice five years ago, I'm finding I want more.

Posts: 53 | From: Calgary | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Amigone201
Happy Holly Days


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Amigone201   Author's Homepage     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I have a similar discussion as qualli with my mother all the time. Usually she's spouting off about things she doesn't understand, or making predictions about how I'm going to live my life, and insisting that I "keep all options open" which is roughly the same logic as "teach both sides of the evolution debate." I.e. "I want you to have an open mind about it, but realistically, I'm right and you're wrong."

Yes, I know what you older folks are thinking. Yes, she's older than me. No, I'm not that old and no, I have not yet settled into my career. But when she's wrong 99% of the time...

--------------------
Check out my blog! http://fundiewatch.blogspot.com

Posts: 1527 | From: Buffalo, NY | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
qualli
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


Icon 1 posted      Profile for qualli   E-mail qualli   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Wow, I'm the subject of a bookachow. Cool!

Pogue- the very big word here is "eventualy". I know I don't have the money or experience to build my home now, but that's not the point. I made the decision to chose the monetarily low paying job because it does wonders for me mentally and spiritually (not to mention my herb apprenticeship). My lifestyle at the moment doesn't require me to work at Taco Hell. In January I'll also begin volunteering at a local museum in order to make getting a required summer internship earlier this summer.

She skipped over the "eventually" part and simply dismissed it out of hand.

As for building a cob house in NC. I'm lucky in the fact that the family land has lots of clay, and a couple ponds have already been made, so a small personal pond will provide enough earth for a small house. You really just have to be willing to sacrifice some of the more modern complications. Construct the house to use natural air conditioning and heat, make it very open, you'd be surprised what can be done when you're willing to "front only the essential facts of life"

--------------------
"I still say Obi-wan Kenobi was The Force's bitch."

Posts: 820 | From: North Carolina | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Arrow-Tech IV
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Arrow-Tech IV   E-mail Arrow-Tech IV   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Christie:
I could easily see my daughter posting a similar rant about me. I'm the meanie who rained on her "I want to be a doctor" dream when she was 18. I pointed out that it takes more than desire to wear a white coat and be important, oh and having seen every episode of ER twice, to make this dream a reality. Pesky little details like not having top marks and not having the drive to make it happen weren't worth worrying about apparently.

We do our children no favours whatsoever by encouraging them to reach for unattainable goals - least of all when they have reached adulthood and have already given us a pretty good idea of what they are capable of and what they are prepared to do to achieve their dreams.

One of my favorite moments of insight occurred just after I graduated from college with my Bachelor of Arts degree in English. I was teaching in a public school and went to a club on one of the few Saturday nights when I actually attempted to get some sort of social life organized.

Anyway, I met a nice young man at the club and, after dancing, we started to talk. He said that he was in his second year at the local community college and planned to become a heart doctor.

"Oh," I said. "A cardiologist?"

"No." He looked down at me rather patronizingly and said slowly and loudly, as if I were deaf, "A HEART DOCTOR."

And, obviously, I realized at that moment that the young man would never become any sort of doctor. The patronizing attitude meant he was a jerk and if he didn't even know the basic names of the different medical specializations....

Posts: 955 | From: Dallas, TX | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Arrow-Tech IV
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Arrow-Tech IV   E-mail Arrow-Tech IV   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by qualli:
I made the decision to chose the monetarily low paying job because it does wonders for me mentally and spiritually (not to mention my herb apprenticeship). My lifestyle at the moment doesn't require me to work at Taco Hell. In January I'll also begin volunteering at a local museum in order to make getting a required summer internship earlier this summer.

While I wish you all the best on the house, you do seem to be relying on your mother, her income and the family home a great deal at this point in your life. Obviously, having grand dreams for the future is great. However, when you're reliant on other people for your utilities, water, bed, board, etc., you have to expect that they're more interested in hearing your well-thought-out plan for becoming financially independent and moving out.

Just assume that the people who support you are more interested in the thoughtful and well-financed "sooner" rather than the idealistic "if I win the lottery or get a high-paying job" later.

Posts: 955 | From: Dallas, TX | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
keokuk
Deck the Malls


Icon 1 posted      Profile for keokuk     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by qualli:
Pogue- the very big word here is "eventualy". I know I don't have the money or experience to build my home now, but that's not the point. I made the decision to chose the monetarily low paying job because it does wonders for me mentally and spiritually (not to mention my herb apprenticeship). My lifestyle at the moment doesn't require me to work at Taco Hell. In January I'll also begin volunteering at a local museum in order to make getting a required summer internship earlier this summer.

She skipped over the "eventually" part and simply dismissed it out of hand.

In the other thread, you said that you want to take a year to plan and raise money. Not to sound like your mother, but if you're keeping the low-paying job while still attending college, where are you going to get the money to buy the property from your grandmother, pay property taxes, and all that fun stuff? If you can't afford a "skeezy little apartment" on the current pay, it does seem like becoming a property owner is a big step to be taking so soon.
Posts: 345 | From: Washington, DC | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
magpie
Deck the Malls


Icon 1 posted      Profile for magpie   E-mail magpie   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I think you're missing the "eventually" part just as much as her mother, and that is a big part of her frustration.
Posts: 439 | From: Redondo Beach, CA | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Astra
The "Was on Sale" Song


Icon 87 posted      Profile for Astra     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by magpie:
I think you're missing the "eventually" part just as much as her mother, and that is a big part of her frustration.

Ok, but here's the thing: from what has been posted her, it sounds like she has these eventual plans for the future, but will be spending the meantime working at the store and staying at home with her mother. Is her mom okay with that, or is she trying to push Qualli to get out on her own a bit faster?

Given what has been posted, I see the possibility that her mom may just not like the prospect of having her daughter mooching when she could easily go out and get a better-paying job and start providing more for herself instead of relying on the family. That's just speculation on my part though, I don't know enough about their family situation to say, obviously.

--------------------
This has been yet another... USELESS POST.

Posts: 6105 | From: Mississippi | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Christie
The Bills of St. Mary's


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Christie     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Astra:
Given what has been posted, I see the possibility that her mom may just not like the prospect of having her daughter mooching when she could easily go out and get a better-paying job and start providing more for herself instead of relying on the family. That's just speculation on my part though, I don't know enough about their family situation to say, obviously.

I think mooching may be a bit unfair given that most parents expect to support their 20 yr olds - but certainly as a parent I expect my adult but living at home kids to make a significant contribution to their own finances. If they are in school and living at home, a part-time job that actually pays enough to break the back of their expenses and little a little for saving for a rainy day would be nice.

We're struggling financially right now to keep everything going and pay tuition etc. If my daughter was working at a very low paying job and talking big about what she was going to do "eventually" without doing anything in the present to help accomplish that, I can see being pretty ticked off.

--------------------
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation. - Jean Kerr

Posts: 18428 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Lainie
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Lainie   E-mail Lainie   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by magpie:
I think you're missing the "eventually" part just as much as her mother, and that is a big part of her frustration.

I don't think keokuk is missing that word:

quote:
Originally posted by keokuk:
In the other thread, you said that you want to take a year to plan and raise money.

Here's a quote from qualli in that "other thread," linked to by Rhiandmoi above (italics mine:

quote:
I've put a year aside for research and gathering funds (thankfully the land isn't a problem, it's family land)


--------------------
How homophobic do you have to be to have penguin gaydar? - Lewis Black

Posts: 8322 | From: Columbus, OH | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Gibbie
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Gibbie     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Ok, hijacking a little here, what kind of admissions requirements do Canadian universities have? Both Christie and Mike spoke of a "solid B" not being good enough. A solid B student here can get into many many fine schools. Certainly doesn't put you on the "community college track." A solid B student could certainly attend a good school, do well and probably get into a decent Med school if they perform well in undergrad. What's the difference in Canada?

Gibbie

--------------------
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

Posts: 3993 | From: Indiana | Registered: Feb 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Christie
The Bills of St. Mary's


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Christie     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Gibbie:
Ok, hijacking a little here, what kind of admissions requirements do Canadian universities have? Both Christie and Mike spoke of a "solid B" not being good enough. A solid B student here can get into many many fine schools. Certainly doesn't put you on the "community college track." A solid B student could certainly attend a good school, do well and probably get into a decent Med school if they perform well in undergrad. What's the difference in Canada?

Gibbie

No difference really. A "solid b" will get you into most universities in Canada - not necessarily into some specific programs though. And it certainly won't net you many (any?) really good scholarships.

In my daughter's case she had the opportunity once she was in university to pull up her socks and go after the kinds of grades she would need to get into medical school. She didn't believe she needed to change her scholastic approach. She found out differently. Which is fine. But a "solid b" in an undergraduate program is not going to open the door to many grad programs in the sciences, let alone medical school. Certainly not in Canada at any rate.

--------------------
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation. - Jean Kerr

Posts: 18428 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
keokuk
Deck the Malls


Icon 1 posted      Profile for keokuk     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by magpie:
I think you're missing the "eventually" part just as much as her mother, and that is a big part of her frustration.

I'm confused on what "eventually" means. In this thread it sounds as though it is a long-term life goal, in which case I can understand it, but in the other thread she's talking about starting in a year.

ETA: Spanked by Lainie.

Posts: 345 | From: Washington, DC | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
RingKeeper
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


Icon 1 posted      Profile for RingKeeper     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Gibbie:
Ok, hijacking a little here, what kind of admissions requirements do Canadian universities have? Both Christie and Mike spoke of a "solid B" not being good enough. A solid B student here can get into many many fine schools. Certainly doesn't put you on the "community college track." A solid B student could certainly attend a good school, do well and probably get into a decent Med school if they perform well in undergrad. What's the difference in Canada?

Gibbie

For one, competition.

Take my brother (please [Smile] ). He has three degrees; BSc, Honours BA in English, and a Masters in English. He was a solid A student in University, worked with the department of Jusice, and still had trouble getting into Law school. It took two years before he was finally accepted.

In some cases the school will have a specific number of seats per province for their programs. The Veterinary Medicine program for example has only six seats for Newfoundlanders in Nova Scotia for the first four years of the program and only two seats in PEI for the last two years. You can start your program and wait three or four years to finish because the competition is so fierce to get into those spots.

A B average won't cut it to get into those programs. It also won't get you any scholorships.

ETA: spanked by Christie.

--------------------
There are just some things a dog can't explain to a monkey.

Posts: 2529 | From: Newfoundland | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Hero_Mike
Happy Holly Days


Icon 602 posted      Profile for Hero_Mike         Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Gibbie:
Ok, hijacking a little here, what kind of admissions requirements do Canadian universities have? Both Christie and Mike spoke of a "solid B" not being good enough. A solid B student here can get into many many fine schools. Certainly doesn't put you on the "community college track." A solid B student could certainly attend a good school, do well and probably get into a decent Med school if they perform well in undergrad. What's the difference in Canada?Gibbie

Gibbie - in Ontario high schools (and in general, in all of Canada), there are three "levels" of courses offered. "Basic" level courses are very basic and restricted only to vocational programs - they may even be gone by now. "Advanced" level courses were what you needed for university entrance, and you would need an average of over 80% to get into the science program of your choice - which is what one would need to take if they planned to become a doctor. Between these two levels were "General" level courses which were the "default" for those who did not plan to attend university - a good "B" average at the "General" level was still the minimum for community college admission.

Today there are courses classifed as "College", "University", "University or College", "Open", or "Applied". University admission requirements specify "University" or "University or College" courses only.

The friend in my anecdote was taking only "general" level courses, except for music and art. Math, science and english were all at the "general" level. Her "B" average would not even qualify for university application. For that matter, she could have an A+ average in general level courses, but her application to university would be rejected.

The difference between "General" and "Advanced" levels was about 20% to 25% in your grade. If you can't get an 80 in a General level course, then you're not likely to get more than 60 in an Advanced level course.

Further to what Christie said, medical school is a whole other story, even compared to an undergrad education. Even though many programs don't have such specific details in their admission requirements, the fierce competition basically knocks out anyone who isn't an A student, with a high rating on the MCAT and interview portion. Ambitious students were already trying to pad their resume for med school, by volunteering in hospitals even as teenagers. A "B" average won't cut it, and an admissions advisor is likely to discourage the application because better applicants are already being turned away.

--------------------
"The fate of *billions* depends on you! Hahahahaha....sorry." Lord Raiden - Mortal Kombat

Posts: 1587 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
BeachLife
The Bills of St. Mary's


Icon 211 posted      Profile for BeachLife   Author's Homepage   E-mail BeachLife   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Christie:
quote:
Originally posted by Astra:
Given what has been posted, I see the possibility that her mom may just not like the prospect of having her daughter mooching when she could easily go out and get a better-paying job and start providing more for herself instead of relying on the family. That's just speculation on my part though, I don't know enough about their family situation to say, obviously.

I think mooching may be a bit unfair given that most parents expect to support their 20 yr olds - but certainly as a parent I expect my adult but living at home kids to make a significant contribution to their own finances. If they are in school and living at home, a part-time job that actually pays enough to break the back of their expenses and little a little for saving for a rainy day would be nice.

We're struggling financially right now to keep everything going and pay tuition etc. If my daughter was working at a very low paying job and talking big about what she was going to do "eventually" without doing anything in the present to help accomplish that, I can see being pretty ticked off.

I'm pretty much in the same boat. My daughter lives at home on breaks, but goes away to school. The money I pay towards her school, and the money I pay towards getting her to and from school makes for a pretty difficult budget situation. For her part she pays for all of her own personel expenses with jobs and savings.

If she were to start talking big about her plans, while making financial decisions that put a higher burden on me, we would have a talk abou it. Even now, when we talk about her plans after she gets her BA, the issue of paying for her plans always comes up (usually from me). That's not squashing her plans, it's making sure she's planning fully.

Though back to the OP, I would say that anyone who is making big plans without being financially independant or at least making plans for financial independance is probably not living in the 'real world' regardless of how derogatory that might sound.

--------------------
Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
Jack Dragon, On Being a Dragon
Confessions of a Dragon's scribe
Diary of my Heart Surgery

Posts: 12094 | From: Michigan | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
  This topic comprises 2 pages: 1  2   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.

Instant Graemlins
   


Post new topic  New Poll  Post a reply Close topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Urban Legends Reference Pages

Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classic™ 6.7.2