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Author Topic: "I'm in my bubble!"
Cervus
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Most of the "bubble" people I've met choose their intentional ignorance because they're intimidated by having to think for themselves or read a newspaper or book.

quote:
Originally posted by Lainie:
quote:
Originally posted by Soft Hyphen:
I would assume there's a difference between isolating yourself from things that can't reasonably be expected to affect you (like world hunger) and things that are part of your everyday environment (job, family, etc.)

I agree there's a difference, but I have a real problem with the idea that it's just fine to ignore the bad stuff because it doesn't affect you directly. How is that not selfish?

I don't expect people to obsess about the bad stuff in the world, or to deny themsleves happiness because of it. But to say "it doesn't touch me, so it doesn't matter" is, by definition, selfish.

There are things we all should care about, and then there's stuff that's no one's business. For example, someone else's dire financial straits or stressful family relationship is probably none of my business. I don't think I'm selfish for ignoring another person's problems that don't affect me and are of no importance to me.

In my case, isolating myself from other people's petty problems leaves me much more time to concentrate on larger (global or local) problems that are far more important to me. But that's different, I think, from the example in the OP.

--------------------
"There is no constitutional right to sleep with endangered reptiles." -- Carl Hiaasen
Won't somebody please think of the adults!

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Lainie
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quote:
Originally posted by Egg Note:
While it's great to be informed about the world, to me I really want to do something about it, but in the end, there's really nothing much you can do except watch helplessly as the world goes by.

It's not an all-or-nothing proposition. The choices aren't "fix it" or "watch helplessly." There are things you can do. They may be small, but they matter.

Or, as the Talmud says:

quote:
Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.
Personally, I accept that humans are, in fact, free to abandon "the work" if they so choose. But IMO, it's the wrong choice.

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How homophobic do you have to be to have penguin gaydar? - Lewis Black

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Lainie
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quote:
Originally posted by Cervus:
quote:
Originally posted by Lainie:
quote:
Originally posted by Soft Hyphen:
I would assume there's a difference between isolating yourself from things that can't reasonably be expected to affect you (like world hunger) and things that are part of your everyday environment (job, family, etc.)

I agree there's a difference, but I have a real problem with the idea that it's just fine to ignore the bad stuff because it doesn't affect you directly. How is that not selfish?

I don't expect people to obsess about the bad stuff in the world, or to deny themsleves happiness because of it. But to say "it doesn't touch me, so it doesn't matter" is, by definition, selfish.

There are things we all should care about, and then there's stuff that's no one's business. For example, someone else's dire financial straits or stressful family relationship is probably none of my business. I don't think I'm selfish for ignoring another person's problems that don't affect me and are of no importance to me.
I wasn't speaking about other people's personal matters. I thought that was clear from the context.

--------------------
How homophobic do you have to be to have penguin gaydar? - Lewis Black

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Aud
We Three Blings


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I seem to have carefully constructed a bubble for myself in the past year. After a month of newspapers stacking up I reduced my subscription. I hardly ever watch the news. I know about the war only peripherally. The kicker came in a report about Lebanon which included a vivid description of a dead toddler. I dissolved in tears on the floor and vowed I would do okay with a little less information.

As a former news hound this was troubling so I redirected my energies elsewhere. I may not be able to chat about the geopolitical ramifications of Darfur or Rwanda but damnit I know who is on my local school board and I know good places to take recycling.

I know children die everywhere. Just yesterday I posted about the anniversary of the death of a good friend's child. Not hearing about it when I cannot do anything to help does indeed keeps me sane.

I work in a library so I know how to find good information if I need it. Having it all on tap instantly for the amusement of friends who see more movies than me isnít necessary.

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Cervus
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quote:
Originally posted by Lainie:
I wasn't speaking about other people's personal matters. I thought that was clear from the context.

It wasn't, so thanks for the clarification.

--------------------
"There is no constitutional right to sleep with endangered reptiles." -- Carl Hiaasen
Won't somebody please think of the adults!

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Rhiandmoi
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When my brother was in Iraq I would change the channel when the war news came one. The first time I heard a report about Marines being killed while he was there I nearly crashed my car. So I felt it was better that I not listen to that kind of news.

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I think that hyperbole is the single greatest factor contributing to the decline of society. - My friend Pat.

What is .02 worth?

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quiltsbypam
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quote:
Originally posted by Aud:
I seem to have carefully constructed a bubble for myself in the past year. After a month of newspapers stacking up I reduced my subscription. I hardly ever watch the news. I know about the war only peripherally. The kicker came in a report about Lebanon which included a vivid description of a dead toddler. I dissolved in tears on the floor and vowed I would do okay with a little less information.

As a former news hound this was troubling so I redirected my energies elsewhere. I may not be able to chat about the geopolitical ramifications of Darfur or Rwanda but damnit I know who is on my local school board and I know good places to take recycling.

I know children die everywhere. Just yesterday I posted about the anniversary of the death of a good friend's child. Not hearing about it when I cannot do anything to help does indeed keeps me sane.

I work in a library so I know how to find good information if I need it. Having it all on tap instantly for the amusement of friends who see more movies than me isnít necessary.

Yeah, I've had to cut back, too. The quiltlet needs more of me at Christmas, we spend weekends at Mom's since Dad died, and money is increasingly tight. I just can't take it all in anymore. I will swipe a contribution slip for the local Rescue Mission when I do my groceries on weeks when I can, and I try to vote in every election. But I just can't follow things like I used to. A little bubble can be a good thing.

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"No Biblical hell could ever be worse than the state of perpetual inconsequence." Beatrice in Dangerous Beauty

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Brad from Georgia
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I don't know...from some of the reports I've read, it seems that our president prefers his bubble to reality, too.

--------------------
"No hard feelin's and HOPpy New Year!"--Walt Kelly
Hear what you're missing: ARTC podcasts! http://artcpodcast.org/

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PallasAthena
Xboxing Day


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quote:
Originally posted by Brad from Georgia:
I don't know...from some of the reports I've read, it seems that our president prefers his bubble to reality, too.

*snerk*

But seriously, I wonder if that's part of the reason why this bugs me like it does. If even the POTUS is remaining (seemingly & IMHO) willfully ignorant, how is anything going to get fixed.

And Lainie, you seem to be understanding my feelings on this completely. Thanks. I'm feeling seasonably depressed and sick and you are doing a great job taking the thoughts out of my brain, forming them into words, and posting them when I think they ought to be posted. I appreciate it.

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"How do you make chocolate? You take dark chocolate, you mix it with white milk, and it becomes a delicious drink. That is the chocolate I am talking about." --Ray Nagin

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Canuckistan
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quote:
Originally posted by Brad from Georgia:
I don't know...from some of the reports I've read, it seems that our president prefers his bubble to reality, too.

Then he would be a self-centred little twit, too. [lol]

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People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

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PallasAthena
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quote:
Originally posted by Egg Note:
I suppose I would count as one of those people who need a break from the real world every now and then. I guess my problem stems from the fact that there's really nothing much I can do to stop all of the crap that's happening out there. Being a shut-in for an entire year does not help things either. While it's great to be informed about the world, to me I really want to do something about it, but in the end, there's really nothing much you can do except watch helplessly as the world goes by.

There is a word for this: Apathy.

(another attitude I have little patience for)

--------------------
"How do you make chocolate? You take dark chocolate, you mix it with white milk, and it becomes a delicious drink. That is the chocolate I am talking about." --Ray Nagin

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Aud
We Three Blings


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Ah see. Being in a bubble helps me do my real job "mom". The president's bubble is not helping him do HIS job. He should know Darfur and not my local school board.

Aud - Wishing I had ignored the news from Kirksville, MO.

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ChelleGame
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I'm not suggesting people should be completely ignorant of world events, but I think it's valid for some people to keep their distance. It really does take all sorts of people to make the world go 'round, and not everybody can care about every issue. It's truly a case of choosing your battles.

Someone who doesn't follow Darfur might still act compassionately toward a neighbor, or give to a homeless shelter. A choice to not dwell on sadness is not the same as a refusal to assist when needed.

As to the woman in the OP, she's nesting. Her focus has turned inward for at least the time being. She was previously interested in world events, and is not now due to being focused on her romantic life -- this is not to say she won't become interested once again. Or not. Maybe she has come to a conclusion about what she needs, and it's not what it was previously. Friends change and drift apart, but sometimes they do drift back.

--------------------
Michelle

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PallasAthena
Xboxing Day


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quote:
Originally posted by ChelleGame:
As to the woman in the OP, she's nesting. Her focus has turned inward for at least the time being. She was previously interested in world events, and is not now due to being focused on her romantic life -- this is not to say she won't become interested once again. Or not. Maybe she has come to a conclusion about what she needs, and it's not what it was previously. Friends change and drift apart, but sometimes they do drift back.

Oh, I totally understand this. Everyone that I know goes through this at the beginning of a relationship. I don't have a problem with it to a point. Thing is, they've been together since March and are actually now living together. It's not exactly a brand new sparkly relationship. It's reached the point where it's just gag inducing to me.

--------------------
"How do you make chocolate? You take dark chocolate, you mix it with white milk, and it becomes a delicious drink. That is the chocolate I am talking about." --Ray Nagin

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Lainie
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quote:
Originally posted by ChelleGame:
As to the woman in the OP, she's nesting. Her focus has turned inward for at least the time being. She was previously interested in world events, and is not now due to being focused on her romantic life -- this is not to say she won't become interested once again.

Which is why it would be worth her while to try to sustain a topic of conversation other than her SO. Otherwise, when she's done nesting, she might find that her friends have drifted away from her.

I understand the feeling of being in love and being wrapped up in the other person and in your life with him. But a grownup should be able to recognize that his/her relationship and SO are never going to be quite as fascinating to anyone else as they are to him/her.

--------------------
How homophobic do you have to be to have penguin gaydar? - Lewis Black

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ChelleGame
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quote:
Originally posted by PallasAthena:
quote:
Originally posted by ChelleGame:
As to the woman in the OP, she's nesting. Her focus has turned inward for at least the time being. She was previously interested in world events, and is not now due to being focused on her romantic life -- this is not to say she won't become interested once again. Or not. Maybe she has come to a conclusion about what she needs, and it's not what it was previously. Friends change and drift apart, but sometimes they do drift back.

Oh, I totally understand this. Everyone that I know goes through this at the beginning of a relationship. I don't have a problem with it to a point. Thing is, they've been together since March and are actually now living together. It's not exactly a brand new sparkly relationship. It's reached the point where it's just gag inducing to me.
Right. I think most people have been squicked out by the love lives of their friends. Jerry Seinfeld perfectly illustrated this in the "schmoopie" episode. [Smile]

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Michelle

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PallasAthena
Xboxing Day


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Lainie, seriously, it's time to get out of my brain. You are creeping me out with all the mindreading. [Wink]

--------------------
"How do you make chocolate? You take dark chocolate, you mix it with white milk, and it becomes a delicious drink. That is the chocolate I am talking about." --Ray Nagin

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Lady Moon
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Count me as another one who needs a break from the real world occasionally. For me, when the toddler is in bed and the teenager's homework is done and she's happily watching TV or on her computer (with unpredictable drop-ins by Mama Bear and nightly history checks)and before the husband comes home -- that's my nightly break. I check in with the news at the start, but then I'm done with reality and retreat happily into writing and crafting for two or three hours. After that, I'm ready mentally and emotionally to deal with reality again.

Now, PallasAthena -- do you possibly have a link to point me to a synopsis/spoiler site for "Hotel Rwanda"? It sounds powerful and yet I've never heard of it. My curiosity is definitely piqued. [Smile]

Also, can you suggest sites about Darfur? I've heard the name but truly don't know anything about why it's such a big deal. I'd like to be educated, please.

Lady "ignorant but not willing to remain so" Moon

--------------------
"We've got a fifth member of the band round here, and he's DEFINITELY out of tune!" -- Keith Moon

"If I had a thousand quid for every time I've introduced this song --- oh, I do!" -- John Entwistle

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Lainie
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quote:
Originally posted by PallasAthena:
Lainie, seriously, it's time to get out of my brain. You are creeping me out with all the mindreading. [Wink]

It's getting a bit crowded in here, isn't it? I should go home to my own head and do some work. . .

--------------------
How homophobic do you have to be to have penguin gaydar? - Lewis Black

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PallasAthena
Xboxing Day


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You know, Lady Moon, I really don't know that much about Darfur. I know it's really bad. I know there is a race-based genocide and that the government supported Muslim militia (the Janjaweed-although I hear this is a term many find offensive) is killing, raping, and mutilating black Africans. I know that the UN is finally admitting that, yes, there is a genocide, but it's my understanding that the UN and the world in general isn't really doing much about it. Honestly, it wasn't until I saw Hotel Rwanda that I really thought that much about it, although I knew there was a genocide, and I was angry that we weren't doing anything.

More info here, here, and from wikipedia.

Here's a like to savedarfur.org, but I don't really know much about this organization. It looks like an online petition? We all know how well those help out (not well at all).

If you google darfur crisis, you will turn up a ton of info.

Here's a wiki on Hotel Rwanda.

--------------------
"How do you make chocolate? You take dark chocolate, you mix it with white milk, and it becomes a delicious drink. That is the chocolate I am talking about." --Ray Nagin

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ChelleGame
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quote:
Originally posted by Lainie:
quote:
Originally posted by ChelleGame:
As to the woman in the OP, she's nesting. Her focus has turned inward for at least the time being. She was previously interested in world events, and is not now due to being focused on her romantic life -- this is not to say she won't become interested once again.

Which is why it would be worth her while to try to sustain a topic of conversation other than her SO. Otherwise, when she's done nesting, she might find that her friends have drifted away from her.

I understand the feeling of being in love and being wrapped up in the other person and in your life with him. But a grownup should be able to recognize that his/her relationship and SO are never going to be quite as fascinating to anyone else as they are to him/her.

There's no real disagreement, but like most things, outsiders tend to be more clear on what should be done. I would agree that it would be ultimately silly for her to cut off ties to friends, and this could actually be detrimental to her romantic relationship.

A person in the throes of passion is not thinking logically -- they have endorphin rushes and wonky hormones. It's hard for them to know, or consider, what they'll want in the future 'cause they're chasing their next "high." It might be that they'll reestablish ties with friends later on, or that they'll make friends with people who share their changed priorities.

Some of her issues might be more than the wonderfulness of loverboy, and might be a genuine interest in marriage or kids, so even when she gets beyond the magic rush, she might still be changed.

Now the issue of droning on about the relationship...you're right that there should be enough awareness that she's annoying people.

--------------------
Michelle

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PallasAthena
Xboxing Day


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I was fairly indulgent of the droning on and on and on for a while. It had been 5 years since she had been in a relationship after all, but the whole thing has just become too exhausting to deal with. She doesn't even bother to ask how my weekend went, and when I volunteer info she turns the subject back around to her as quickly as possible. It's like instead of listening to me, she's just waiting for me to stop talking. I have to wonder if she wasn't just a teeny tiny like this to begin with, but now the whole boyfriend thing has exaserbated it.

I'm pretty bummed. I find it incredibly difficult to make friends anyway, and my husband and I are in a strange situation culturally. He doesn't necessarily feel that he has all that much in common with most Americans around here, and we don't hang out with too many Latino groups because I have a hard time fitting in with many of the women who seem kinda high maintenance and intimidating to me. I think I've been hanging on to this for fear of being lonely, but it just doesn't seem worth it to hang onto a friendship that has become one sided. I'm worn out. I've given and given and given. I need a break.

Sorry to continue the pity party. Blame it on the stupid sun going down so early. Ugh.

--------------------
"How do you make chocolate? You take dark chocolate, you mix it with white milk, and it becomes a delicious drink. That is the chocolate I am talking about." --Ray Nagin

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ChelleGame
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I'm not great at making close friends either -- I have people I like, and get along with, but don't have a lot of people with whom I go places.

I have a loner nature, and would prefer to be alone with my own thoughts. Even when I make plans, right before going out I have a moment where it occurs to me it's more effort than it's worth. I go anyhow, and am usually happy after the fact, but still prefer the comforts of home. [Smile]

Anyhow, I get that when you extend yourself to make a friend, you want to keep them.

--------------------
Michelle

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Egg Note
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quote:
Originally posted by PallasAthena:
quote:
Originally posted by Egg Note:
I suppose I would count as one of those people who need a break from the real world every now and then. I guess my problem stems from the fact that there's really nothing much I can do to stop all of the crap that's happening out there. Being a shut-in for an entire year does not help things either. While it's great to be informed about the world, to me I really want to do something about it, but in the end, there's really nothing much you can do except watch helplessly as the world goes by.

There is a word for this: Apathy.

(another attitude I have little patience for)

I do admit of having apathy, now that I think about it.

Which is one of the reasons why I'm planning to get out of the house.

--------------------
Okay, just to make it clear, there is a real world out there. No really, there is. I checked.

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Santa Mari-a
Happy Holly Days


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quote:
Originally posted by PallasAthena:
I was fairly indulgent of the droning on and on and on for a while. It had been 5 years since she had been in a relationship after all, but the whole thing has just become too exhausting to deal with. She doesn't even bother to ask how my weekend went, and when I volunteer info she turns the subject back around to her as quickly as possible. It's like instead of listening to me, she's just waiting for me to stop talking. I have to wonder if she wasn't just a teeny tiny like this to begin with, but now the whole boyfriend thing has exaserbated it.

I'm pretty bummed. I find it incredibly difficult to make friends anyway, and my husband and I are in a strange situation culturally. He doesn't necessarily feel that he has all that much in common with most Americans around here, and we don't hang out with too many Latino groups because I have a hard time fitting in with many of the women who seem kinda high maintenance and intimidating to me. I think I've been hanging on to this for fear of being lonely, but it just doesn't seem worth it to hang onto a friendship that has become one sided. I'm worn out. I've given and given and given. I need a break.

Sorry to continue the pity party. Blame it on the stupid sun going down so early. Ugh.

Don't despair, you may not have lost your friend for good. Keep your distance for the time being, since she's become so centered on self and BF, but be open to renewing ties in the future. The guy sounds breathtakingly boring to me. Once the passions have died down a bit, I predict your friend will realize it too, especially if, as you say, she was interested in the wider world before she became involved with him.

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Si hoc comprehendere potes, gratias age magistro Latinae.

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Lainie
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Pallas, I feel for you. I don't make friends easily either, and I've recently lost my closest friend in this metro area. I lost her to an addiction, too, so there's the added grief of knowing that she's well on her way to destroying her own life and causing untold grief and pain to her family and all her friends.

--------------------
How homophobic do you have to be to have penguin gaydar? - Lewis Black

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