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Author Topic: 'Crimes' that Deserve Capital Punishment [Tongue in Cheek]
Rob D / Blackwolf, the yule dodo
Deck the Malls


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quote:
People who come to the United States, voluntarily, and day after day, in every situation, relentlessly and unreservedly tell everyone how bad things are here and how much better things are "where I come from" or "in my country we would never..." SHALL be placed on a catapult and flung, over the ocean, in the general direction of their utopian country.
Well, you must admit that some stuff in the USA is a bit messed up. I mean, where I come from, Germany, we would....

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~Reality, the refuge of those who fail in RPGs~
aka Darkfist Dragon
-==(UDIC)==-

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Doug4.7
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


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quote:
Originally posted by EeyoreCorbie:
  • You must park in the very back and then carry in two sick small children in the rain while you have the flu just to get some medicine.

    or
  • You must park in the back and walk in while 9 months pregnant and on crutches.

I've done the first. Not the second. Actually, my wife has never done the second because she's never made it that far....

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And now for something completely different...

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GenYus
Away in a Manager's Special


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quote:
Originally posted by EeyoreCorbie:
I see, and yes I agree with you. I guess my frustration from cruising the lot looking for any spot only to come across someone with their backup lights on who just sits there, only to leave as soon as I go past because a line was forming.

It might not be because they are punishing you for being a vulture. It may be because they do not think they have enough room or don't like backing up when confined by cars to the side, cars behind them, and your car in the aisle.

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IIRC, it wasn't the shoe bomber's loud prayers that sparked the takedown by the other passengers; it was that he was trying to light his shoe on fire. Very, very different. Canuckistan

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Andrew of Ware, England
A-Ware in a Manger


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quote:
Originally posted by LittleDuck:
Andrew, next time, move their trolley futher away. It usually makes steam come out of their ears [Wink]

I'll try that - but guess what happened on the way home from work as I did some shopping? Yep - a trolley was right in front of the pineapple section and here's me with a gammon steak for my dinner.

The lady came along, apologised and moved the trolley. What did I say? 'Oh that's all right.'

I'm such a wimp.

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Andrew, Ware, England

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Hubert Cumberdale
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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quote:
Originally posted by ThistleSoftware:
I order lunch every day for everyone in my office. For everyone who asks me what I'm having, what's good from this restaurant, or who comes up to me while I'm eating to ask how I like it or complain about lunch, the punishment shall be NO LUNCH FOR YOU.

On the same note, when I order lunch for myself and eat in the kitchen everyone who whines, "Why didn't you ask me if I wanted anything?" gets a punch in the neck. I didn't ask you because I didn't want a large order which would increase the chances of something being left out, most likely something of mine. Or if it wasn't mine, I would be somehow responsible for it and have to call and go back to pick it up.

And anyone who sees me carrying a bag of food and asks "What did you get me?" gets their knees kicked backwards.

Anyone who uses my desk as a supply depot has to use that Harry Potter pen that uses the users blood for ink for the rest of the year.

Pedestrians who wear dark clothing at night and cross at busy intersections without even looking when they clearly have the Do No Cross sign then get mad at the drive will only be allowed to cross roads at walking bridges. If the nearest walking bridge is four towns over, then they better leave pretty damn early. If the choose to cross anywhere other than a bridge, they're fair game and if they get hit, they get fined. (Disclaimer: I don't hate pedestrians, just bad ones)

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FrogFeathers
Grandma Got Run Over By a Gift Card


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Hubert, I agree with your take on bad pedestrians.

And, on that note- to the people who do not yield to pedestrians in the right of way- most commonly at the crosswalk with a light. I've seen many a vehicle nearly hit middle school students who are, remarkably, in the right.

Those drivers should be forced to walk everywhere, for a year. Rain or shine, warm or cold, snow or not.

edited to clarify that I agreed with Hubert, not the bad pedestrians.

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"Is it ME? Am I a MAGNET for these idiots?"~Pearl Forrester MST3K
Die-Hard Engineers, Big Red One my Dad's website
"Must be a 'snopes' thing..." ~my entire family when I try to explain something.

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LittleDuck
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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quote:
Originally posted by Andrew of Ware, Elfland:
quote:
Originally posted by LittleDuck:
Andrew, next time, move their trolley futher away. It usually makes steam come out of their ears [Wink]

I'll try that - but guess what happened on the way home from work as I did some shopping? Yep - a trolley was right in front of the pineapple section and here's me with a gammon steak for my dinner.

The lady came along, apologised and moved the trolley. What did I say? 'Oh that's all right.'

I'm such a wimp.

I thought of you today! I was at WalMart. There is a section of shelves right beside a large support beam and, of course, what I wanted was right in that general area. Also, there is a lady tbere, crouched down, examining everything (it seemed). Her shopping cart, meanwhile, was far enough from the pole that I could have reached in. That is, if she hadn't pushed it forward to be against the pole, effectively blocking the shelves completely, just as I got there. Now, some might say she maybe thought I wanted to pass and the cart was blocking the aisle, This was not the vase, as I was making a line for that area. I cannot for the life of me figure out why she pushed the cart that way but she did. She was rewarded with me pushing it back towards her (fought the urge to hit her with it, though) and saying, "I beg your pardon," as I reached for the item.

I would like to think that this time of year people don't think much about what they're doing in their quest to get gifts. But this was in the papergoods area. If she was gift hunting, I would not like to be on the receiving end.

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"Silly customer, you cannot hurt a Twinkie." -Apu (The Simpsons)

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Christie
The Bills of St. Mary's


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quote:
Originally posted by Andrew of Ware, Elfland:
quote:
Originally posted by LittleDuck:
Andrew, next time, move their trolley futher away. It usually makes steam come out of their ears [Wink]

I'll try that - but guess what happened on the way home from work as I did some shopping? Yep - a trolley was right in front of the pineapple section and here's me with a gammon steak for my dinner.

The lady came along, apologised and moved the trolley. What did I say? 'Oh that's all right.'

I'm such a wimp.

I don't think it's wimpy to be nice when someone apologizes! You'd have been the subject of a rant on her messageboard (or anyway at her dinnertable that night!) if you had behaved any differently.

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If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation. - Jean Kerr

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Mosherette
Deck the Malls


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Cyclists who dress in black, with no lights or reflectors anywhere on their persons or their bikes, who cycle in the dark, on the road, in the fog.

Actually, I think they're pretty much asking to die as it is. I do not understand WHAT thought processes can possibly occur to lead to someone thinking this is in any way a safe way to get from A to B.

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Silence should never under any circumstances be construed as agreement. A lot of the time, it's simply a reflection that someone just said something so stupid that no response could possibly do it justice. - Ramblin' Dave

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queen of the bah-caramels
Jingle Bell Hock


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quote:
Originally posted by GenYus:
quote:
Originally posted by EeyoreCorbie:
I see, and yes I agree with you. I guess my frustration from cruising the lot looking for any spot only to come across someone with their backup lights on who just sits there, only to leave as soon as I go past because a line was forming.

It might not be because they are punishing you for being a vulture. It may be because they do not think they have enough room or don't like backing up when confined by cars to the side, cars behind them, and your car in the aisle.
Oh yes, that's me. Add DH to the mix and it's trouble with ALL his helpful hints.

This is why I always try to park in big empty spaces away from the main drag [Embarrassed]

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Focus On The Family- An opinion group who think more about Gay Sex than gay people do- Rick Mercer

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Hubert Cumberdale
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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Just thought of another one. People who use text message style writing in their work emails. For example: i need u 2 hlp plz (I need you to help please). The punishment should be every email they receive for a year is automatically translated into Aramaic, then from there into binary and all they have to translate it is a book written by a 13 year old girl with a crush on Justin Timberlake who just ate sixteen pixie sticks and has been up for eight days. And every message they receive is urgent.
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GenYus
Away in a Manager's Special


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What about bosses who ramble on in email?

The COO of our company does this when he is sending out emails saying we can leave early before or holiday or take a day off before a holiday. For example, the email giving us tomorrow off has close to 400 words talking about expensive items like the $150 hamburger, a $1,000, or a $90,000 bottle of perfume. The pre-July 4th was like a doctoral dissertation on the origins of "barbecue".

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IIRC, it wasn't the shoe bomber's loud prayers that sparked the takedown by the other passengers; it was that he was trying to light his shoe on fire. Very, very different. Canuckistan

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Hubert Cumberdale
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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quote:
Originally posted by GenYus:
What about bosses who ramble on in email?

The COO of our company does this when he is sending out emails saying we can leave early before or holiday or take a day off before a holiday. For example, the email giving us tomorrow off has close to 400 words talking about expensive items like the $150 hamburger, a $1,000, or a $90,000 bottle of perfume. The pre-July 4th was like a doctoral dissertation on the origins of "barbecue".

Punishment for that will be simple. A $1 per word charge for all emails sent. If the problem persists, $5. After that, start taking fingers.
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GenYus
Away in a Manager's Special


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quote:
Originally posted by Hubert Cumberdale:
Punishment for that will be simple. A $1 per word charge for all emails sent. If the problem persists, $5. After that, start taking fingers.

Forgot to mention that these emails have the priority flag set.

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IIRC, it wasn't the shoe bomber's loud prayers that sparked the takedown by the other passengers; it was that he was trying to light his shoe on fire. Very, very different. Canuckistan

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Arriah
The First USA Noel


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quote:
Originally posted by Hubert Cumberdale:
Pedestrians who wear dark clothing at night and cross at busy intersections without even looking when they clearly have the Do No Cross sign then get mad at the drive will only be allowed to cross roads at walking bridges.

Gah! This is a huge problem here. I almost complimented a woman near my house for actually using the crosswalk there till I realized how stupid that would sound. Because of the neighborhood I live in, there are lots of areas without much in the way of streetlamps and lots of dark-skinned people who don't own cars. (pretty low-income area) So I see your dark clothinged pedesterian at night and raise you a dark clothinged, dark skinned pedesterian at night.

*Note: This is not intended as any kind of racial commentary just that if you're very pale skinned and have blonde hair you tend to reflect a bit more in the headlights than the (very dark skinned) black man wearing black sweats that appeared right in front of our car one day.

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Conforming meant that everyone liked you except yourself
Rebecca

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Hubert Cumberdale
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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quote:
Originally posted by GenYus:
quote:
Originally posted by Hubert Cumberdale:
Punishment for that will be simple. A $1 per word charge for all emails sent. If the problem persists, $5. After that, start taking fingers.

Forgot to mention that these emails have the priority flag set.
In that case, treat the priority flag as a multiplier.
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UrbanReindeer
Deck the Malls


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I always felt that the latter stages of pregnancy should qualify a woman for a temporary handicap permit. I wasn't even that big when I was pregnant and I still had trouble walking. I eyed those scooter-carts in the stores wistfully, but was too afraid of running into someone with one to use it.

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"He feeds the sparrows of the field, but He doesn't sit there and cram worms into their mouths." -- Mouse

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Larararara
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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Some stores around here have "Mom with Baby" and/or "Expectant Mom" spaces.

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I used to be a snopester...but my old login has gone the way of the legendary stolen kidneys.

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Ana Ng
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by Mosherette:
ctually, I think they're pretty much asking to die as it is. I do not understand WHAT thought processes can possibly occur to lead to someone thinking this is in any way a safe way to get from A to B.

Cyclists in general? But, it's so much better for the environment. Shouldn't the government be making concessions to cyclists to encourage it?

In NYC, they put up a ghost bike, seen below, at the site of fatal bike accidents.

 -

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My great grandfather planted that tree!

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LittleDuck
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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I think Mosherette meant by not wearing reflective or at least light colored clothing and riding a bike at night, though I could be wrong.

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"Silly customer, you cannot hurt a Twinkie." -Apu (The Simpsons)

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queen of the bah-caramels
Jingle Bell Hock


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quote:
Originally posted by Larararara:
Some stores around here have "Mom with Baby" and/or "Expectant Mom" spaces.

\

2 years ago, I was 41 wks gone. I went to the local Sprawl-Mrt, in one of the 2 Parent,child/expectant mother places was parked a .....female with ,,,not one but 4 teenage male offspring...

The security guard told her to move as I needed the space . She refused on the grounds that she was a parent in the correct space. He wrote out a ticket which was validted by the local police while she still demanded the new parent space as SHE MIGHT HAVE been pregneant totally disregarding my big fat tummy..... [Eek!]

ETA it was an ICE RAIN DAY

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Focus On The Family- An opinion group who think more about Gay Sex than gay people do- Rick Mercer

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Cactus Wren
Jingle Bell Hock


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quote:
Originally posted by Hans Off:
Look I can understand the objections to loud music in cars and music that can be heard outside of the room/vehicle that they are in... But can I raise a motion for Led Zeppelin?

No you may not. Not if your car windows are closed, MINE are closed, and I can still hear your subbass while I'm trying to listen to Meredith Monk or Alan Hovhaness or the Russian Easter Festival Overture.

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“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.” -- Edward R. Murrow

IOToriSparrowANK!

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senshisteph
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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Cyclists who have an umbrella in one hand and their cellphone in the other, who nearly run into me in the dark - and then glare at me like its my fault.
Punishment - staple the umbrella and cellphone to their hands, then require them to cycle the wrong way down the expressway.
Ditto when I'm on my bike, with lights, and other cyclists without lights (usually in dark clothing too) seem to feel that it's MY responsibility to get out of THEIR way, even though they can see me but I can't see them.

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七転び八起き
nana korobi ya oki
'fall down seven times, get up eight.'

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Hans Off
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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quote:
Originally posted by Cactus Wren:
quote:
Originally posted by Hans Off:
Look I can understand the objections to loud music in cars and music that can be heard outside of the room/vehicle that they are in... But can I raise a motion for Led Zeppelin?

No you may not. Not if your car windows are closed, MINE are closed, and I can still hear your subbass while I'm trying to listen to Meredith Monk or Alan Hovhaness or the Russian Easter Festival Overture.
FWIW I wouln't own anything as vulgar as a Sub box. I think it is a bit of an insult to the artists that have spend hundreds of hours prodicing and mixing a record only to have some chavy tosser decide that he knows better and whacks the bass balance right up on it.

But as a mark of respect, I'll stay out of Arizona.

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"British English speakers point to Americans adding more syllables so that they can make even more noise without actually saying anything." Llewtrah


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