snopes.com Post new topic  New Poll  Post a reply
search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Hello snopes.com » SLC Central » Rantidote » 'Crimes' that Deserve Capital Punishment [Tongue in Cheek] (Page 2)

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!   This topic comprises 4 pages: 1  2  3  4   
Author Topic: 'Crimes' that Deserve Capital Punishment [Tongue in Cheek]
FrogFeathers
Grandma Got Run Over By a Gift Card


Icon 1 posted      Profile for FrogFeathers   Author's Homepage   E-mail FrogFeathers   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
To the people who put the milk carton back into the fridge when it is empty.

The punishment shall be to visit a dairy farm and watch where and how milk comes to be in those clean containers.

--------------------
"Is it ME? Am I a MAGNET for these idiots?"~Pearl Forrester MST3K
Die-Hard Engineers, Big Red One my Dad's website
"Must be a 'snopes' thing..." ~my entire family when I try to explain something.

Posts: 4524 | From: South of Madison, Wisconsin | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
UrbanReindeer
Deck the Malls


Icon 1 posted      Profile for UrbanReindeer     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by mags:
People who come in after the movie starts. Additional punishments accrue if they try to convince patrons who have been in their seats for 20 minutes to play musical chairs and shift into buffer seats (the single seats on either side of each party that polite people leave when a movie isn't sold to capacity) so that the members of the late party may sit together in good seats, rather than quickly taking a couple of seats in the five rows of empty seats down front.

On a related note, people who bring toddlers to a two hour or longer movie, and are surprised when the babies' attention span doesn't last that long, and try to hush them and try to force them to sit still, rather than taking them out in the lobby. VCRs and DVD players are very cheap these days. Once you have one, there is no excuse to pay twice as much or more to see a movie in a theater than to rent it later, if not being able to afford a babysitter is your problem.

People who come in late, and people with small children at a completely inappropriate movie for children will be sentenced to spend their time watching a movie in the same theater. Toddlers will be encouraged to disrupt the movie for anyone foolish enough to try to move into the buffer seats.

The last time I went to see a movie I got both of those. Three teenage girls who came in after the movie started while talking on their cell phones! Also, three people that brought children under 5. To see Casino Royale. Five minutes into the movie, one is screaming and crying (big surprise). The one next to us somehow fell asleep and didn't wake up until the end of the movie. I've no idea how a 4 year old could sleep through that, but she did.

--------------------
"He feeds the sparrows of the field, but He doesn't sit there and cram worms into their mouths." -- Mouse

Posts: 396 | From: Pasadena, CA | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Green Eggs and Spam
Deck the Malls


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Green Eggs and Spam     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
On a related note, people who bring toddlers to a two hour or longer movie, and are surprised when the babies' attention span doesn't last that long, and try to hush them and try to force them to sit still, rather than taking them out in the lobby.
I play in a local symphony orchestra. Every concert some parents will bring their babies or toddlers to a long concert, and they will invariably cause disruption in the middle of our performance ... sorry, but if you can't get a babysitter, you'll just have to miss the concert! Don't punish the performers or the audience members sitting around you by bringing your rugrats along! [Mad] Oh, and turn OFF your cell phones and beepers. All of those who disrupt our performance with screaming kiddies or beeping electronics will be hung by the toenails and pummelled into unconsciousness with various percussion instruments in the lobby after the concert.
Posts: 272 | From: Winchester, Virginia | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Zorro
Little Sales Drummer Boy


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Zorro     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Teenagers who take advantage of unseasonably warm weather to run around outside at 2am and yell their fool heads off on a Saturday night will have their mouths covered with duct tape and have it ripped off repeatedly...once for each second of yelling.

Zor "Not that I am at all bitter about being awakened last night an hour after the baby fell asleep" ro

ETA: And people who are incapable of understanding what a yield sign means should also have a red hot poker shoved up their rear so they understand the fear that courses through me when I am stopped at a yield (because of traffic coming that would cream my Sentra) and they come flying up behind me and slam on their brakes...and then wave at me with one finger. [flame]

--------------------
"Seize the day! Make your lives extraordinary!"
-John Keating, "Dead Poets Society"

Posts: 2861 | From: New Jersey | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Lady Moon
Jingle Bell Hock


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Lady Moon   E-mail Lady Moon   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
About the cell phones reminded me of this inadvertent snafu.

About a month ago at church, our pastor had gotten up to preach and after the opening prayer, my husband realised he'd left his cell phone on. So, he brings it out, mutes it, and goes to turn it off.

The problem was, he'd forgotthe he'd already muted it. So when he 'muted' it the second time, it was un-muted. So when he turned it off -- it went off. LOUDLY.

He slammed it shut and sat there turning redder and redder.

Our pastor glanced over his way and laughed and quipped, "I wasn't aware that I was being timed...I'll keep it short today!" And the whole church roared with laughter.

My husband has made VERY sure to turn OFF his phone BEFORE he leaves the house every Sunday since.

And before anyone asks, the reason he has the cell at all is he stays every week after church to make sure the recording went smoothly and will occasionally have to call someone to clarify something that was said and when the computer is uploading, the church's phones are tied up.

Lady "still amused" Moon

--------------------
"We've got a fifth member of the band round here, and he's DEFINITELY out of tune!" -- Keith Moon

"If I had a thousand quid for every time I've introduced this song --- oh, I do!" -- John Entwistle

Posts: 584 | From: Ohio | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
diehard
Deck the Malls


Icon 1 posted      Profile for diehard     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
To the little elder lady that used what was in my shopping cart to finish her shopping while we were waiting in line at the check out at wal mart.(I was too dumbfounded to say anything) I give to you constipation for taking my cheddar cheese and diarrhea for taking my dates for cookies. (The nerve)

--------------------
Daddy "You are my "Special Angel" 1942-1999"

Posts: 440 | From: Greensburg, Pennsylvania | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Singing in the Drizzle
Jingle Bell Hock


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Singing in the Drizzle     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Lets not forget those the go down the line of coffee pots filling theirs with a little bit from each. In doing this they leaves less than a half cup in each of the pots. Of course this is done so they can say they did not empty a pot and don't need to start a new one.
Posts: 597 | From: Bellingham, WA | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
El Camino
We Three Blings


Icon 1 posted      Profile for El Camino   E-mail El Camino   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
The drivers of big eighteen wheelers who decide to pass a fellow semi on a two land (each direction) highway, but then decide to pass the other truck moving 1/4 MPH faster, thereby blocking traffic for 6.3 miles behind them as they take 13 minutes to pass another vehicle should be duly punished. By being forced to drive this vehicle their time off:
 -

Posts: 1048 | From: Brunswick, Maine | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Monkster
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Monkster   E-mail Monkster   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Donovan Ravenhull:
quote:
Originally posted by Monkster:
quote:
Originally posted by Donovan Ravenhull:
Okay, first on the list:

Parking Lot Vultures: Especially in the Christmas Season. Especially when the person they are waiting on is a little old lady who has just started loading her entire basket-full into her vehicle. The sentence should be carried out immediately, to include their entire vehicle. Innocent passengers shall be given a 15 second escape window.

What exactly is your issue with this? Like why is it a problem for you? ESPECIALLY during Christmas season when parking spaces are next to impossible to find.
The problem is that they block the flow of traffic in the lanes. I, for one, have no problem driving a bit further and walking a bit further from where there are plenty of parking spaces. It just gets damn aggravating when you have to wait for somebody who has decided that they WILL get that spot no matter what, no matter how many people are now stuck waiting on them.
Is it that hard to go around someone?
Posts: 147 | From: Queensland Australia | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Christie
The Bills of St. Mary's


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Christie     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
In some mall parking lots, it's all but impossible to go around someone because of the constant oncoming traffic, although eventually, of course, it can be done. The real problem is in the multi-level indoor parking lots where the traffic is meant to be one-way.

--------------------
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation. - Jean Kerr

Posts: 18428 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
NorthernLite
We Three Blings


Icon 602 posted      Profile for NorthernLite     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I nominate for capital punishment any idiot who leaves their cell phone on while they are in the theatre. Especially if it has one of those really annoying ring tones. And especially if they answer it when it rings and then proceed to try to raise their voices over those of the actors on stage. And especially if they have just been asked by the host to please turn the damn things off or put them on vibrate.

--------------------
You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know... morons. -Blazing Saddles

Posts: 1074 | From: High Level, Alberta, Canada | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Monkster
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Monkster   E-mail Monkster   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Christie:
In some mall parking lots, it's all but impossible to go around someone because of the constant oncoming traffic, although eventually, of course, it can be done. The real problem is in the multi-level indoor parking lots where the traffic is meant to be one-way.

I guess this is an example of a culture clash, we don' have one way parking lots in Australia (well none that I've ever seen).
Posts: 147 | From: Queensland Australia | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
snapdragonfly
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


Icon 1 posted      Profile for snapdragonfly     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Christie:
In some mall parking lots, it's all but impossible to go around someone because of the constant oncoming traffic, although eventually, of course, it can be done. The real problem is in the multi-level indoor parking lots where the traffic is meant to be one-way.

Also, some simply don't really have enough width to do this, and even if they just barely do, there's always someone with a 35 foot long vehicle that is sticking out into the lane just enough to make it impossible to go around another car.

I won't hover and wait for a car if it's a little old lady juuuuust noooooow getting to the door and veeeeeery slowly unloading 47 bags of groceries, but if there's a car with it's backup lights on, I of course will stop, to be polite but also to get the spot.

Then after a minute I realize they are neither coming or going, just sitting there in the damn lot with their backup lights on. I sometimes sit in my car for a minute making a call but I don't have my LIGHTS on for exactly the reason that I don't want anyone to think I'm about to back up when I'm not.

Those people should be forced to drive behind a little short old person with enormous ears and a cap (always a bad sign) in an older model very large and VEEEERY slow sedan that will apparently not go any faster than 15 miles under the posted speed limit, for about 25 miles, unable to pass, when they are running late for a really important appointment.

--------------------
"Wolves, dragons and vampires, man. Draw the nut-bars like big ol' nut-bar magnets." ~evilrabbit

(snurched because one of my nutbar family members is all about wolves and another one is all about dragons...)(with apologies to surfcitydogdad)

Posts: 2397 | From: Texarkana, TX | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
TrekkerScout
Deck the Malls


Icon 1 posted      Profile for TrekkerScout     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
[Stepping away from traffic patterns and shopping lines]

I would like to nominate the manufacturers of the heat sealed vacuformed plastic bubble packaging. Why on Earth do they have to make the plastic so thick that nothing short of a blow torch can come close to opening it. Just the other day I broke the blade of a box cutter trying to open a printer ink cartridge package. The people who designed this system should be sealed inside their own creation.

Posts: 306 | From: Tacoma, WA | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
vfwchick
Deck the Malls with Boughs of Money


Icon 1 posted      Profile for vfwchick     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I would like to nominate the volunteers who YELL at other volunteers. They should be forced to do the entire job themselves.
vfw*Can you tell I had a "bad experience"?*chick

ETA: and people who make appointments for the week before Christmas and don't show up and then expect to still get in anyway. They should be sentenced to 3 months of long dirty hair. Maybe a year.

--------------------
God bless our Troops!
If you can't stand behind our troops, please, feel free to stand in front of them.

Posts: 380 | From: Ohio | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
UrbanReindeer
Deck the Malls


Icon 1 posted      Profile for UrbanReindeer     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by TrekkerScout:
[Stepping away from traffic patterns and shopping lines]

I would like to nominate the manufacturers of the heat sealed vacuformed plastic bubble packaging. Why on Earth do they have to make the plastic so thick that nothing short of a blow torch can come close to opening it. Just the other day I broke the blade of a box cutter trying to open a printer ink cartridge package. The people who designed this system should be sealed inside their own creation.

My husband would have nominated this one if he posted here. I've seen him put back an item just because he hates that packaging soooooo much. Alternatively, he'll bring it home and stare at me with puppy-dog eyes until I open it for him.

--------------------
"He feeds the sparrows of the field, but He doesn't sit there and cram worms into their mouths." -- Mouse

Posts: 396 | From: Pasadena, CA | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
LittleDuck
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


Icon 1 posted      Profile for LittleDuck   E-mail LittleDuck   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Whoever continues to use the trash container in the kitchen, even though it is full, resulting in a cascade of NFBSK on the floor. Your punishment will be going out with the trash. No, I don't mean taking the trash out, I mean being part of it. This is also the punishment for failing to secure the new bag to the container so that half of what gets thrown out ends up on the outside of the bag.

--------------------
"Silly customer, you cannot hurt a Twinkie." -Apu (The Simpsons)

Posts: 2026 | From: 10 miles South of Boston | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
vfwchick
Deck the Malls with Boughs of Money


Icon 08 posted      Profile for vfwchick     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by LittleDuck:
Whoever continues to use the trash container in the kitchen, even though it is full, resulting in a cascade of NFBSK on the floor. Your punishment will be going out with the trash. No, I don't mean taking the trash out, I mean being part of it. This is also the punishment for failing to secure the new bag to the container so that half of what gets thrown out ends up on the outside of the bag.

I second that one!!!

--------------------
God bless our Troops!
If you can't stand behind our troops, please, feel free to stand in front of them.

Posts: 380 | From: Ohio | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Doug4.7
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


Icon 506 posted      Profile for Doug4.7   E-mail Doug4.7   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Okay, right now I want to nominate children who leave pens in their clothing when they wash them. The rest of us do not like ink stains on our clothing. Punishment should be to clean up the washer & dryer.

Hey wait, that IS the punishment.... [Smile]

--------------------
And now for something completely different...

Posts: 4164 | From: Alabama | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Cervus
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Cervus   E-mail Cervus   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Doug4.7:
Okay, right now I want to nominate children who leave pens in their clothing when they wash them. The rest of us do not like ink stains on our clothing.

If I were still working at my old job, I would nominate the technicians who left surgical needles, syringes, and razors stuck in the surgical towels when stuffing them into the laundry hamper. (It was my job to do the laundry.) My repeated pleas for them to remove all instruments, especially pointy ones, from the used towels went unheeded. I suppose if I had ever actually stabbed myself with a syringe I could have gotten them fined through OSHA, but since I only "almost" got stabbed several times, they didn't seem to care.

--------------------
"There is no constitutional right to sleep with endangered reptiles." -- Carl Hiaasen
Won't somebody please think of the adults!

Posts: 8254 | From: Florida | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Casey, making hot chocolate
Let There Be PCs on Earth


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Casey, making hot chocolate   Author's Homepage   E-mail Casey, making hot chocolate   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by vfwchick:
I would like to nominate the volunteers who YELL at other volunteers. They should be forced to do the entire job themselves.
vfw*Can you tell I had a "bad experience"?*chick

ETA: and people who make appointments for the week before Christmas and don't show up and then expect to still get in anyway. They should be sentenced to 3 months of long dirty hair. Maybe a year.

Amen!

I'll also nominate anyone who thinks they're not getting enough volunteers and yells at the volunteers who already have shown up. Happens to me all too frequently, and something I can't abide.

Ca "Stop preaching to the choir!" sey

--------------------
"To be or not to be! That is the question! Now, will you answer, dare, double dare, or take the Physical Challenge?" --Mark Summers as Hamlet
Countdown: 177 days and counting... or less. My blog. 14 keyboards owed.

Posts: 5584 | From: Ohio | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
El Camino
We Three Blings


Icon 1 posted      Profile for El Camino   E-mail El Camino   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by LittleDuck:
Whoever continues to use the trash container in the kitchen, even though it is full, resulting in a cascade of NFBSK on the floor. Your punishment will be going out with the trash. No, I don't mean taking the trash out, I mean being part of it. This is also the punishment for failing to secure the new bag to the container so that half of what gets thrown out ends up on the outside of the bag.

Hey, wait, that's me! Except, the trash container isn't in the kitchen, but my dorm room occupied by me and only me! And I'm leaving for a month starting...tomorrow. I guess I've got a choice of one of two punishments - I think I'll take out the trash!
Posts: 1048 | From: Brunswick, Maine | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Troberg
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Troberg     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
I would like to nominate the manufacturers of the heat sealed vacuformed plastic bubble packaging. Why on Earth do they have to make the plastic so thick that nothing short of a blow torch can come close to opening it. Just the other day I broke the blade of a box cutter trying to open a printer ink cartridge package. The people who designed this system should be sealed inside their own creation.
And then we'll use the blow torch on them!

Almost without exception, opening those packages has ended up with me getting hurt, damaging the contents or damaging the tool used to open them.

--------------------
/Troberg

Posts: 4360 | From: Borlšnge, Sweden | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Mosherette
Deck the Malls


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Mosherette     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Tailgaters. Especially tailgaters who drive into the back of me on a roundabout when I'm right in the middle of the process of MOVING HOUSE [Mad] This is the last thing I need!! [Frown]

--------------------
Silence should never under any circumstances be construed as agreement. A lot of the time, it's simply a reflection that someone just said something so stupid that no response could possibly do it justice. - Ramblin' Dave

Posts: 8528 | From: Nottingham, England | Registered: Feb 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Rob D / Blackwolf, the yule dodo
Deck the Malls


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Rob D / Blackwolf, the yule dodo   Author's Homepage   E-mail Rob D / Blackwolf, the yule dodo   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
If I were still working at my old job, I would nominate the technicians who left surgical needles, syringes, and razors stuck in the surgical towels when stuffing them into the laundry hamper. (It was my job to do the laundry.) My repeated pleas for them to remove all instruments, especially pointy ones, from the used towels went unheeded. I suppose if I had ever actually stabbed myself with a syringe I could have gotten them fined through OSHA, but since I only "almost" got stabbed several times, they didn't seem to care.
Ouch! Being often stuck in the Laundry dept. of our hospital, I can imagine how bad that was. Fortunately our Hospital can be strikt, if that would have happened to us, you can bet that my Assistant Manager and even the Environmental Manager would raise hell. But on that matter:

Nursing Assistants who strip beds and leave the chucks (depositable one way pads to protect the sheets from human waste) inside, wrapped up in the whole bundle, so that sometimes when one sorts out the laundry one finds a nice, brown, stinking surprise. The punishment should be sorting out the HEAVY SOILED laundry after eating a good fatty dinner.

--------------------
~Reality, the refuge of those who fail in RPGs~
aka Darkfist Dragon
-==(UDIC)==-

Posts: 334 | From: Lancaster, Ohio | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Troberg
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Troberg     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
If I were still working at my old job, I would nominate the technicians who left surgical needles, syringes, and razors stuck in the surgical towels when stuffing them into the laundry hamper. (It was my job to do the laundry.) My repeated pleas for them to remove all instruments, especially pointy ones, from the used towels went unheeded. I suppose if I had ever actually stabbed myself with a syringe I could have gotten them fined through OSHA, but since I only "almost" got stabbed several times, they didn't seem to care.
When you find a needle, prick yourself with a clean needle, dispose the clean needle and cry bloody murder. I promise, that will get a reaction, possibly severe enough to stop it from happening again for a while.

--------------------
/Troberg

Posts: 4360 | From: Borlšnge, Sweden | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
DAnnino
The First USA Noel


Icon 1 posted      Profile for DAnnino     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by vfwchick:
quote:
Originally posted by LittleDuck:
Whoever continues to use the trash container in the kitchen, even though it is full, resulting in a cascade of NFBSK on the floor. Your punishment will be going out with the trash. No, I don't mean taking the trash out, I mean being part of it. This is also the punishment for failing to secure the new bag to the container so that half of what gets thrown out ends up on the outside of the bag.

I second that one!!!
Um, folks, if that one passes, I'm going to have to execute my wife and both daughters! [Eek!]

But how true.

--------------------
NO BETTER FRIEND, NO WORSE ENEMY
--
"I grok when apes learn to laugh, they'll be people."

Posts: 727 | From: Southeastern Arizona | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Friends of Alfred
The First USA Noel


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Friends of Alfred   E-mail Friends of Alfred   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
People that go to ASDA to buy their groceries, and bring 3 generations of their families with them, so they can all stand around the freezer section, bringing the supermarket to a standstill, while they try to remember if they like effing pizza!

Get out of the effing way!!!!

The punishment should be death - these idiots should never be allowed to breed again.

--------------------
There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?

Posts: 735 | From: Manchester, UK | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Minstrel gone caroling
Let There Be PCs on Earth


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Minstrel gone caroling   Author's Homepage   E-mail Minstrel gone caroling   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
People who seem genetically incapable of letting others be happy.

The punishment should be having to work at the Precious Moments Chapel.

--------------------
Last year's goat was burned down by vandals dressed up as Santa Claus and the Gingerbread Man. They were never caught.
My blog. The Adventures of the Fish O'Thwacking.
Countdown: 177 days (or less!)

Posts: 4926 | From: NW Ohio | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
pinqy
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


Icon 1 posted      Profile for pinqy   E-mail pinqy   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Because it's never been done better, here is the contemplation of Ko-Ko, the Lord High Executioner, on who he would execute if he had to perform his duties:
quote:
As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,
I've got a little list--I've got a little list
Of society offenders who might well be underground,
And who never would be missed--who never would be missed!
There's the pestilential nuisances who write for autographs--
All people who have flabby hands and irritating laughs--
All children who are up in dates, and floor you with 'em flat--
All persons who in shaking hands, shake hands with you like that--
And all third persons who on spoiling tÍte-ŗ-tÍtes insist--
They'd none of 'em be missed--they'd none of 'em be missed!

CHORUS. He's got 'em on the list--he's got 'em on the list;
And they'll none of 'em be missed--they'll none of 'em be missed.

There's the banjo serenader, and the others of his race,
And the piano-organist--I've got him on the list!
And the people who eat peppermint and puff it in your face,
They never would be missed--they never would be missed!
Then the idiot who praises, with enthusiastic tone,
All centuries but this, and every country but his own;
And the lady from the provinces, who dresses like a guy,
And who "doesn't think she waltzes, but would rather like to try";
And that singular anomaly, the lady novelist--
I don't think she'd be missed--I'm sure she'd not he missed!

CHORUS. He's got her on the list--he's got her on the list;
And I don't think she'll be missed--I'm sure she'll not be missed!

And that Nisi Prius nuisance, who just now is rather rife,
The Judicial humorist--I've got him on the list!
All funny fellows, comic men, and clowns of private life--
They'd none of 'em be missed--they'd none of 'em be missed.
And apologetic statesmen of a compromising kind,
Such as--What d'ye call him--Thing'em-bob, and likewise--Never-mind,
And 'St--'st--'st--and What's-his-name, and also You-know-who--
The task of filling up the blanks I'd rather leave to you.
But it really doesn't matter whom you put upon the list,
For they'd none of 'em be missed--they'd none of 'em be missed!

CHORUS. You may put 'em on the list--you may put 'em on the list;
And they'll none of 'em be missed--they'll none of 'em be missed!

W.S. Gilbert

--------------------
Don't Forget!
Winter Solstice Hanukkah Christmas Kwanzaa & Gurnenthar's Ascendance Are Coming!

Posts: 8671 | From: Washington, DC | Registered: Feb 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
snapdragonfly
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


Icon 1 posted      Profile for snapdragonfly     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Minstrel gone caroling:
People who seem genetically incapable of letting others be happy.

The punishment should be having to work at the Precious Moments Chapel.

*quakes in fear* OH NO!!!! Anything but THAT!!!!

--------------------
"Wolves, dragons and vampires, man. Draw the nut-bars like big ol' nut-bar magnets." ~evilrabbit

(snurched because one of my nutbar family members is all about wolves and another one is all about dragons...)(with apologies to surfcitydogdad)

Posts: 2397 | From: Texarkana, TX | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
The Ota Faction
Happy Holly Days


Icon 201 posted      Profile for The Ota Faction   Author's Homepage   E-mail The Ota Faction   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I nominate the perfectly-capable-of-standing 20 somethings who ride the bus between Elmira and Corning for school, and refuse to surrender their seat for the elderly and infirm (yes, infirm). I propose that they shall be handcuffed to the rear bumper, and if they want to live, they'd better start running when the bus starts moving.

--------------------
"Tell me what you eat, and I will tell you what you are." - Anthelme Brillat-Savarin
"That lonely recluse who lives down the road is crying out. So is that pregnant teenager. And the prostitute. And the drunkard."
Join the Free State Project - I did!

Posts: 1516 | From: *sigh* Elmira, NY | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Doug4.7
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Doug4.7   E-mail Doug4.7   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by vfwchick:
quote:
Originally posted by LittleDuck:
Whoever continues to use the trash container in the kitchen, even though it is full, resulting in a cascade of NFBSK on the floor. Your punishment will be going out with the trash. No, I don't mean taking the trash out, I mean being part of it. This is also the punishment for failing to secure the new bag to the container so that half of what gets thrown out ends up on the outside of the bag.

I second that one!!!
And I third it. The motion passes. This is now law....

--------------------
And now for something completely different...

Posts: 4164 | From: Alabama | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Buckleupp
Away in a Manager


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Buckleupp   E-mail Buckleupp   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Local TV station broadcasters who interrupt season finales, playoff games, and other shows to tell us for the ninth time that it's snowing, or to tell us that someone has been shot somewhere but nothing else is known, or that the local triple-A curling team has won a match.

Punishment shall be forced viewing of video of several hours of snowfall in a meadow, to be enforced during the Super Bowl. Punishment shall not be extended to those thoughtful broadcasters who chose to convey the information via a information feed at the bottom of the screen.

--------------------
HA! That's so funny I forgot to laugh...excluding that first Ha. -Stewie Griffin

Posts: 112 | From: Albuquerque, NM | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Santa Mari-a
Happy Holly Days


Icon 99 posted      Profile for Santa Mari-a     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
People who put their kids on the answering machine OGM should be forced to do community service by directing all kids in the neighborhood except their own in a marathon of musicals.

--------------------
Si hoc comprehendere potes, gratias age magistro Latinae.

Posts: 1720 | From: Charlottesville, VA | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
  This topic comprises 4 pages: 1  2  3  4   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is enabled.
UBB Codeô is enabled.

Instant Graemlins
   


Post new topic  New Poll  Post a reply Close topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Urban Legends Reference Pages

Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classic™ 6.7.2