posted
You also need to learn to breathe and calm down. As far as I could get, the majority of your problems with your roommate seem to be that she exists. She has these small annoying little habits that annoy you, like eating, talking, coughing, sleeping during the day, using lights so she can see at night, does her homework when she wants and not when you want her to, basically, her existing in your room seems to bother you. I am surprised that she doesn't breathe too loud!
Is there perhaps a reason outside of the issues you stated in your letter that you do not like your roommate? Some reason that instead of dealing with it you have instead made every little thing she does into a larger issue?
If not, then I suggest that if you do change rooms, that you ask for a single without a roommate. Why? Because no roommate is going to be able to please you - they will take on these annoying habits and you will find yourself in the same predictament with each following person where they eat too loudly, make unexpected noises, keep different hours than you do, study differently than you do, and, basically, will not be like you.
I wonder how your roommate feels about living there after she has been told that she should study in the dark, shouldn't cough unexpectedly, can't listen to her music in her room, can't sleep in her room during the day, can't eat at night, and basically should do everything in her power to appear that she does not exist around you. Ok, so that last bit was harsh, but really, what exactly did you expect from a roommate?
-------------------- I swear, it was funnier in my head. Yeah, I used to be pink. vanilla_pink. Posts: 2493 | From: California | Registered: Nov 2003
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posted
I'm not saying you need to make all the concessions, but as ThistleSoftware suggested, maybe investing in ear plugs and a sleep mask would do wonders. At the very least, they might help you sleep better, which would solve a significant amount of your stress, I'd think.
Another possible benefit is that the fact you're wearing them might really annoy your roomie so much that she'll agree to turn down the music and turn off the lights if you'll just take those stupod things off!
Posts: 539 | From: Nova Scotia | Registered: Aug 2005
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posted
Vanilla, I disagree. I could have written the OP my freshman year of college, however, I've had many great roomates since then.
I remember complaining to my RA about my roomate "typing too loudly" and leaving the main light (which is right above the big mirror, reflecting it into the rest of the room) on while I was trying to sleep, as opposed to just using the study light on her side of the room, etc...
She used to steal my food too. She'd wake up at 5 in the morning and slam things and turn on all of the lights.
There are very few things on that list that I can't identify with. The thing is, this seems like normal behavior from any person. However, you don't *have* to make the amount of noise doing everyday, ordinary things that my old roomate and I presume the OP's roomate is making.
Me? I moved out. I got a new roomate (whom I adored) and everything was better. She went through 3 other roomates that year before being kicked out of school.
I just wanted to let you know that even though everyone else thinks your crazy because your roomate "types too loudly" when you're sleeping, I don't. I've been there.
-------------------- "I find them to be in contradiction of the basic principles of YOUR MOM!!!" -We've Got Mail Posts: 1361 | From: Muncie, IN | Registered: Sep 2005
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posted
I'm so glad I never had to live in the dorms. So many of the worst stories seem to involve random roommates in the dorms. The whole dorm experience just sounds miserable.
I'm sure the practice of forcing people to share a room makes sense from an economic standpoint, but it seems awful from pretty much every other standpoint.
Posts: 716 | From: San Antonio, TX | Registered: Jan 2006
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posted
Eh, my worst roommate experience was off campus, with non-students whom I chose to live with.
Sharing a room with someone usually does suck, but I think it would suck somewhat no matter whom you shared with. I adore my boyfriend, but sometimes sharing a room with him sucks (like when he snores.)
-------------------- Officially Heartless Posts: 3065 | From: The Montgomery County of the West Coast- Berkeley, CA | Registered: Nov 2005
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quote:Irregardless originated in dialectal American speech in the early 20th century. Its fairly widespread use in speech called it to the attention of usage commentators as early as 1927. The most frequently repeated remark about it is that "there is no such word." There is such a word, however. It is still used primarily in speech, although it can be found from time to time in edited prose.
And in your careful editing, you coincidentally left out the part that says that its reputation hasn't grown over the years, that it's not accepted by most English speakers, and that you should use "regardless" instead.
-------------------- -,-'-,-<<0
This space for rent Posts: 275 | From: Maryland | Registered: Jan 2006
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quote:Originally posted by vanilla: I wonder how your roommate feels about living there after she has been told that she should study in the dark, shouldn't cough unexpectedly, can't listen to her music in her room, can't sleep in her room during the day, can't eat at night, and basically should do everything in her power to appear that she does not exist around you. Ok, so that last bit was harsh, but really, what exactly did you expect from a roommate?
I'm not asking her not to do these things. I think the main problem is that she does them very loudly. For instance, once when I had a cold, I would leave the room at night to blow my nose, and try to sniffle quietly and sneeze quietly. Maybe that's not physically possible for her, I don't know. But the point is that she probably doesn't realize it's annoying and thus doesn't know the limit to which you can do these things while living with other people. I have never told her not to study in our room. All I ask is that once I go to bed (at 11, that's not to unreasonable) that she keep the noise down and use as little light as possible. And once in a while, it would be nice if she studied in the common room or in the library, which I have done a few times to accomodate her.
-------------------- "Better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt." -- Mark Twain Posts: 173 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Dec 2005
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Rhiandmoi
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV
posted
I am sure she doesn't realize it is annoying, mostly because you haven't ever mentioned anything to her in a direct and honest way.
-------------------- I think that hyperbole is the single greatest factor contributing to the decline of society. - My friend Pat.
quote:Originally posted by vanilla: I wonder how your roommate feels about living there after she has been told that she should study in the dark, shouldn't cough unexpectedly, can't listen to her music in her room, can't sleep in her room during the day, can't eat at night, and basically should do everything in her power to appear that she does not exist around you. Ok, so that last bit was harsh, but really, what exactly did you expect from a roommate?
I'm not asking her not to do these things. I think the main problem is that she does them very loudly. For instance, once when I had a cold, I would leave the room at night to blow my nose, and try to sniffle quietly and sneeze quietly. Maybe that's not physically possible for her, I don't know. But the point is that she probably doesn't realize it's annoying and thus doesn't know the limit to which you can do these things while living with other people.
I wasn't aware there was a limit to which one could sneeze and blow one's nose when one lives with other people.
I would never, ever, ever expect my roommate to leave the room at night to blow her nose. It doesn't sound like she asked you to do it, and she may have no idea you're going to such lengths to avoid annoying her.
You two really don't sound compatible. Maybe you could find another roommate whose respiratory and typing habits wouldn't annoy you, maybe not. But staying in the room with this roommate, stewing over every little thing she does that annoys you, will only lead to misery for both of you.
-------------------- How homophobic do you have to be to have penguin gaydar? - Lewis Black Posts: 8322 | From: Columbus, OH | Registered: Aug 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Stormfeather: And in your careful editing, you coincidentally left out the part that says that its reputation hasn't grown over the years, that it's not accepted by most English speakers, and that you should use "regardless" instead.
Hardly "careful editing". I left out the bits that weren't relevant to my point - that "irregardless" was a real word. You'll note that I didn't include the pronunciation guide, the definition or the etymology, either.
For the record, I hate the word, too. But that doesn't make Lainie's claim that it isn't a real word any more true.
-------------------- seriously , everyone on here , just trys to give someone crap about something they do !! , its shitting me to tears. Posts: 16061 | From: UK | Registered: Sep 2000
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quote:Originally posted by vanilla: I wonder how your roommate feels about living there after she has been told that she should study in the dark, shouldn't cough unexpectedly, can't listen to her music in her room, can't sleep in her room during the day, can't eat at night, and basically should do everything in her power to appear that she does not exist around you. Ok, so that last bit was harsh, but really, what exactly did you expect from a roommate?
I'm not asking her not to do these things. I think the main problem is that she does them very loudly. For instance, once when I had a cold, I would leave the room at night to blow my nose, and try to sniffle quietly and sneeze quietly. Maybe that's not physically possible for her, I don't know. But the point is that she probably doesn't realize it's annoying and thus doesn't know the limit to which you can do these things while living with other people. I have never told her not to study in our room. All I ask is that once I go to bed (at 11, that's not to unreasonable) that she keep the noise down and use as little light as possible. And once in a while, it would be nice if she studied in the common room or in the library, which I have done a few times to accomodate her.
So you're pissed that she's not a mind-reader?
Seriously, how do you expect her to intuit that she is doing those things "too loudly," and what the hell does that mean, anyway? I think expecting someone to leave a room to blow their nose is unreasonable, by the way.
-------------------- "When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty."--George Bernard Shaw Posts: 19266 | From: Nashville, TN | Registered: Jun 2002
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quote:Originally posted by Stormfeather: And in your careful editing, you coincidentally left out the part that says that its reputation hasn't grown over the years, that it's not accepted by most English speakers, and that you should use "regardless" instead.
Hardly "careful editing". I left out the bits that weren't relevant to my point - that "irregardless" was a real word. You'll note that I didn't include the pronunciation guide, the definition or the etymology, either.
For the record, I hate the word, too. But that doesn't make Lainie's claim that it isn't a real word any more true.
Fine. It's a real word. But that doesn't change my point: that using it makes the writer sound illiterate.
-------------------- How homophobic do you have to be to have penguin gaydar? - Lewis Black Posts: 8322 | From: Columbus, OH | Registered: Aug 2005
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posted
The cry against ain't was that it's not in the dictionary. Then, damnit, they put it in the dictionary! Now, the defense against using it is gone, but I still think one sounds a bit illiterate in using it.
Louise, when I get bronchitis, there is no way in hell I can cough quietly. I think you may be the perfect roommate but when they made you, they broke the mold. You won't find another like you. You'll have to work on your tolerance instead.
Where have all the penguins gone?
-------------------- Explore, enjoy and protect the planet --- AAMAH Posts: 8532 | From: Michigan | Registered: Mar 2000
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quote:Originally posted by Lainie: But that doesn't change my point: that using it makes the writer sound illiterate.
I didn't say that it did.
-------------------- seriously , everyone on here , just trys to give someone crap about something they do !! , its shitting me to tears. Posts: 16061 | From: UK | Registered: Sep 2000
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posted
Agreeing with everyone who has issues with the coughing quietly part-- I've gotten 'walking pneumonia' or some variety of horrible cough every winter since I was in seventh grade (admittedly, I'm a sophomore in college now). I cough in my sleep, I cough when the window is open, I cough when it is closed, I cough if I drink, if I don't. In order to not disturb my roommate, I would have to spend more than half of my day in the hallway, waiting for my loud, unexpected coughs to come.
Also, adding my vote to the 'it could be much worse' group. My first semester roommate last year slept about five hours a night, and didn't like to be awake in any dark, had her friends over to drink three nights a week, occasionally left chewed gum on my desk, tried on our other roommate's colorguard uniform and took pictures, tried to sleep with my boyfriend, and was generally obnoxious. She did move out, and I'll acknowledge that I wasn't too nice to her-- towards the end, in order to 'inspire' her to move, my roommate and I would blast NSync Christmas carols. (Not that I'm suggesting this. It ends in screaming fights)
Posts: 12 | From: New Jersey | Registered: Nov 2006
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Very rarely do I hear of people that have roommates in dorms that they get along with, much less that they are friends with. Having no personal space is SO hard. Especially if you're like me and need time by yourself to sit and regroup often to stay sane.
And of course, my two cents thrown into the "it could be worse" portion of the thread: My first roommate was randomly assigned to me by the college, and she was alright for the first semester (Generally obnoxious habits like coming in with her friends at 3am and turning on the lights, talking, painting nails, and crinkling potato chip bags while i was trying to sleep off a migraine, as well as stuff like leaving her side of the room a DISASTER...)but it was stuff that was easy enough to deal with. then the second semester hit. By this time, her boyfriend (who lived out of town) was coming to visit about every 2 weeks, and as he had nowhere to stay, he would stay in our dorm. I didn't really like having a complete stranger in our room with all my stuff, especially if I wasn't there, but I decided not to make a scene and let it slide. Oh, and of course, I walked in on them having sex (HELLO?! At least use the scrunchie on the doorknob or something, just to let me know! I was so traumatized.) Then, about a month before the end of the semester, he showed up and didn't leave. after a week and a half i reported it to the RA, and she kicked him out and told me that if he was there past midnight ever again I could have him arrested for trespassing. So they figured out a way around this rule: They would stay in our room until 11:55 at night, and then go downstairs to their friend's room to sleep. It took about a month before he finally left.
-------------------- The Wicked Witch of the West was FRAMED! Posts: 201 | From: Orlando, FL | Registered: Mar 2006
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posted
A very wise thing my therapist once said "You need to be specific about what you expect."
Louise, a lot of what you would call "compromise" I would call "doing things the way Louise wants them."
What, specifically, do you want your roommate to do?
The bit about the typing and the nails and for the Goddess's sake "coughing unexpectedly" were just odd. As was the eating crackers thing.
What, specifically, do you think would be a good approach for your roommate to take if she has to unexpectedly cough?
What, specifically, foods is she allowed to eat whilst studying?
Which nervous habits would be acceptable?
How many exhalations/inhalations per minute are acceptable?
Perhaps she should also invest in a good invisibility cloak?
It seems that many of your problems could be solved with a white noise generator near your bed and, as someone suggested, a blanket fort for darkness.
That is the sort of thing you should attempt to offer in a compromise. A compromise is not "you are doing things that annoy me. Stop them."
Believe it or not, your roomie is there to study and get through college, not to inconvenience you as little as possible.
And believe me, she will be cured of the "last minute, brilliant paper syndome" when she enters grad school. I know I was. That is not your problem and makes it sound, in the letter, like your problem is that you simply resent your roommate.
-------------------- There are people who drive really nice cars who feel that [those] cars won't be as special if other people drive them too. Where I come from, we call those people "selfish self-satisfied gits." -Chloe Posts: 6995 | From: New Mexico | Registered: Oct 2004
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