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Author Topic: Ew, EW, EWWW: Disgusting living conditions!
Signora Del Drago
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


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Ugh. I got sick just reading your description, Silkenray. About a year ago when you were telling about this, I thought your mother-in-law had agreed to at least try to be cleaner, and that everyone had agreed to pitch in at least a little. What happened? I guess that didn't last very long, huh? Bless your heart. I second or gazillionth what everyone else has said. Get out of there, ASAP. Living in filth and having a husband who doesn't even know you're there is the pits. You deserve better. I can't remember why you guys moved, but maybe it's time to move back across the pond. You said something about trying to fix yourself something to eat. How could you stand to eat in a place like that? No wonder you're depressed. I find that I don't keep house like I used to when I was younger, but there is no rotting garbage, no food-encrusted dishes, no maggots, no poo in the floor, etc. Gaahhh! I wish you luck. Sounds like you need it.

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"This air we're breathing. Oxygen, isn't it?"~I’mNotDedalus, impersonating Vincent D’Onofrio.|"Sometimes trying to communicate can be like walking through a minefield."~wanderwoman
"Give people a break. It's not easy doing a life."~Joshua Halberstam

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Rob D / Blackwolf, the yule dodo
Deck the Malls


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quote:
I can't remember why you guys moved, but maybe it's time to move back across the pond.
Just lets say, they had to move because Impy (Silkens hubby) was kicked out of the USA by a judge who more or less just decided she doesnt like him, not because there was anything legal against him.
And knowing him personally as well (as good as I know Silken at least) I might think that his shutting down and ignoring her might stem from the same place as Silkens depression: The state his mom is in, etc.

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~Reality, the refuge of those who fail in RPGs~
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VersesBatman
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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My house is a number 2. I have mostly clutter and stains on the wall. I do get fruit flies every year. They are hard to get rid of.

Good luck on finding a new place.

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It's like they took a bunch of movies, put them in a blender and turned it on really fast!-Mystery Science Theater 3000

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NocturnalGoddess- naughty or nice?
Carol of the Dells


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quote:
Originally posted by bthyb:
quote:
Originally posted by NocturnalGoddess- naughty or nice?:
SO's house is level 3. I just wish there was something I could do [Frown]

What does the SO say about it, NG?
I think he feels too overwhelmed by everything to even bother. I'm also 100% sure he suffers from depression (he keeps denying it to me, and I'm like, hun, look who you're talking to...). But I know that even though he does nothing to help it, he is embarrassed by it.

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"I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, godless, EVIL stuff... and I want in."- Homer Simpson

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Purple Iguana
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Okay, we had fruit flies in the bedroom ONCE... because hubby thought there was nothing amiss with chucking a Jamba Juice (fruit smoothie) cup into the trash that wasn't entirely finished. The trash in the bedroom at the time was reserved mostly for kleenex and didn't get emptied very regularly simply because it didn't fill up that fast and snot doesn't tend to attract vermin. Once we found the food source and cleaned it up, it never happened again.

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glass papaya
Jingle Bell Hock


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One of the things that really stood out for me when I looked at the pics on the squalor site was the cobwebs hanging in sheets. I can see how stuff can pile up, but the cobwebs really ick me out.

So I get out my decobwebber thingy and go around the house, which I do on a regular basis, so it didn't take long. Then it occurred to me that I haven't done the boys' rooms in a very long time, so I decided to peek in. Uh oh!

Younger son must do his room once in a while, because it wasn't bad, but older son? Cobwebs HANGING IN SHEETS!!OMG11!Eleventyone!!!

Not anymore. I wonder if he will notice?

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tagurit
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by glass papaya:
Not anymore. I wonder if he will notice?

No. Generally speaking, males do not have the gene for filth identification. It doesn't make them bad people, they just need to hook up with someone with the gene. Now, if they happen to already have the gene (very rare), they can hook up with anyone they want.

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Explore, enjoy and protect the planet
---
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bthyb
WiFi Christmas


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quote:
Originally posted by tagurit:
quote:
Originally posted by glass papaya:
Not anymore. I wonder if he will notice?

No. Generally speaking, males do not have the gene for filth identification. It doesn't make them bad people, they just need to hook up with someone with the gene. Now, if they happen to already have the gene (very rare), they can hook up with anyone they want.
Or they can hook up with a girl who doesn't have the gene. I don't think every girl has a filth identification gene...it's just not possible.

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If you say you love ice cream, you better be dreaming of an orgy with Ben, Jerry, and one fine-ass chunky monkey.

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Lainie
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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My filth recognition gene isn't absent, but it may be defective. And I can confirm that there are females who lack it completely. Check out the squalor link posted on the first page of this thread -- or some of the posts, FTM. Plenty of females involved in the squalor.

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strange_little_girl
The First USA Noel


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Do the in laws even realise they have a problem? For example, are they ambarrassed top have people over or workmen in? The one couple with a truly nasty house I knew seemed truly oblivious to the smell (mostly it seemed from rotten chip fat from a never cleaned deep fat fryer that permeated the whole house), the toilet with poo splashes all round the bowl including the rim, the sink full of facial hairs and soap scum etc. I was always amazed they let anybody in. Once when invited to make myself coffee, I actually cleaned the outside of the kettle because of the nasty grease film that covered it. They had good personal hygiene and always wore properly laundered clothes.
They split up and the blokes house is now reasonably clean. He told me he never realised the house smelled until he had to launder all his clothes to get rid of the smell after he moved. He will never be a clean freak, but you dont feel uncomfortable visiting. I've no idea if the woman still lives like that, but the ironic thing is that she is a cleaner and cleans other peoples messes for a living.

Silkenray, good luck on getting your own place. Living like that must really get you down. You do deserve a lot better. I dont care how much housing costs, you deserve to live somewhere you can feel at home and comfortable.

I doubt social services would be able to do much for the in laws if they are otherwise healthy, functioning adults.

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Nonny Mouse, on Santa's laptop
Once in Royal Circuit City


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quote:
I've no idea if the woman still lives like that, but the ironic thing is that she is a cleaner and cleans other peoples messes for a living.

[/QB]

It's not as ironic as all that. I'm the person in charge of all the housework for a 3500+ square foot house with five bathrooms, and at the end of the day, the last thing I feel like doing is cleaning my living space.

I don't let the place get to the point where it smells bad, but clean laundry can go unfolded until it's all been worn and got dirty again, and books accumulate in dusty little piles on every flat surface.

Nonny

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When there isn't anything else worth analyzing, we examine our collective navel. I found thirty-six cents in change in mine the other day. Let no one say that there is no profit in philosophy. -- Silas Sparkhammer

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ange84
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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Lets see, through work we get houses where the smell reaches you when you are standing outside and when it's over 40 outside that smell increases, feaces on the floor or wall, rotting food, broken windows, dirty nappies, the whole lot. Basically i know how you feel with the smell that can get in a house, it seems to stay long after the place is cleaned as well.

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tagurit
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by bthyb:
quote:
Originally posted by tagurit:
quote:
Originally posted by glass papaya:
Not anymore. I wonder if he will notice?

No. Generally speaking, males do not have the gene for filth identification. It doesn't make them bad people, they just need to hook up with someone with the gene. Now, if they happen to already have the gene (very rare), they can hook up with anyone they want.
Or they can hook up with a girl who doesn't have the gene. I don't think every girl has a filth identification gene...it's just not possible.
Could be. Could be their gene is fine, but their minds are gone. [Smile] I can't believe anyone that'd live in squalor is of sound mind.

I babysat for a large family that, though they were nothing like the household in the OP, were pretty dirty compared to what went on in my little niche of the world. The first time I babysat, I brought some bleach from the laundry room and bleached the stains out of their dishes, the countertops, etc. Next time, there were more dishes to do, but everything wasn't all stained, so I tackled the floor. This went on for the longest time with me reclaiming more and more of the house with each visit. I brought the ingredients and baked brownies and cooked pudding for those kids. They loved me.

And I hope, just possibly, I showed some of those kids a different view than the one they were use to, and maybe it helped them.

--------------------
Explore, enjoy and protect the planet
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AAMAH

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Spamamander in a pear tree
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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quote:
Originally posted by tagurit:
quote:
Originally posted by glass papaya:
Not anymore. I wonder if he will notice?

No. Generally speaking, males do not have the gene for filth identification. It doesn't make them bad people, they just need to hook up with someone with the gene. Now, if they happen to already have the gene (very rare), they can hook up with anyone they want.
Sadly, I think most of the males with that particular gene want to hook up with -each other-.

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"There is a race between mankind and the universe. Mankind is trying to build bigger, better, faster, and more foolproof machines. The universe is trying to build bigger, better, and faster fools. So far the universe is winning." -Albert Einstein

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Silkenreindeer
Wassaleing


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quote:
Originally posted by tagurit:
quote:
Originally posted by bthyb:
quote:
Originally posted by tagurit:
quote:
Originally posted by glass papaya:
Not anymore. I wonder if he will notice?

No. Generally speaking, males do not have the gene for filth identification. It doesn't make them bad people, they just need to hook up with someone with the gene. Now, if they happen to already have the gene (very rare), they can hook up with anyone they want.
Or they can hook up with a girl who doesn't have the gene. I don't think every girl has a filth identification gene...it's just not possible.
Could be. Could be their gene is fine, but their minds are gone. [Smile] I can't believe anyone that'd live in squalor is of sound mind.
It usually is connected with depression... which I wouldn't consider one's mind being gone, but rather one's sense of self-worth.

I think the usual pattern is lack of motivation to maintain self and space, which leads to a little bit of messiness. The little bit of messiness wouldn't be a big deal to someone who wasn't depressed - they'd just clean it up and deal with it - but lack of motivation and some little inner voice saying "I deserve to wallow in filth, because I'm such a horrible person" causes it to build up to the point where it gets so dirty that it feels insurmountable. Which, of course, makes people even more depressed - we can't help but be affected by our surroundings. That, combined with the isolation caused by never being able to invite people over, and it just keeps getting worse and worse.

I know the pattern all too well. My childhood bedroom was continually at stage 1 or stage 2 squalor. As was my dorm room the one time I had a single. As was my first apartment. Having seen what things get like when carried further, I WILL NOT let myself live like that ever, Ever, EVER again. Dishes daily, laundry whenever needed, garbage straight in the bin, things put back on shelves, regular polishing and dusting and hoovering. I want to live in a place where I'm not only not uncomfortable but am actually happy to invite friends over.

This house will be a motivator for me. I will not live like this ever again.

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tagurit
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by Silkenreindeer:
quote:
Originally posted by tagurit:
Could be. Could be their gene is fine, but their minds are gone. [Smile] I can't believe anyone that'd live in squalor is of sound mind.

It usually is connected with depression... which I wouldn't consider one's mind being gone, but rather one's sense of self-worth.

I think the usual pattern is lack of motivation to maintain self and space, which leads to a little bit of messiness. The little bit of messiness wouldn't be a big deal to someone who wasn't depressed - they'd just clean it up and deal with it - but lack of motivation and some little inner voice saying "I deserve to wallow in filth, because I'm such a horrible person" causes it to build up to the point where it gets so dirty that it feels insurmountable. Which, of course, makes people even more depressed - we can't help but be affected by our surroundings. That, combined with the isolation caused by never being able to invite people over, and it just keeps getting worse and worse.

I know the pattern all too well. My childhood bedroom was continually at stage 1 or stage 2 squalor. As was my dorm room the one time I had a single. As was my first apartment. Having seen what things get like when carried further, I WILL NOT let myself live like that ever, Ever, EVER again. Dishes daily, laundry whenever needed, garbage straight in the bin, things put back on shelves, regular polishing and dusting and hoovering. I want to live in a place where I'm not only not uncomfortable but am actually happy to invite friends over.

This house will be a motivator for me. I will not live like this ever again.

Yes, I agree with you. However, I don't see that level of depression as being of sound mind. YMMV

--------------------
Explore, enjoy and protect the planet
---
AAMAH

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tagurit
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by Spamamander in a pear tree:
quote:
Originally posted by tagurit:
quote:
Originally posted by glass papaya:
Not anymore. I wonder if he will notice?

No. Generally speaking, males do not have the gene for filth identification. It doesn't make them bad people, they just need to hook up with someone with the gene. Now, if they happen to already have the gene (very rare), they can hook up with anyone they want.
Sadly, I think most of the males with that particular gene want to hook up with -each other-.
Yeah, or at least with another male.

ETA: Trust me, it's not so sad. You think you'd like your guy to have the gene, but it's not a pretty sight.

--------------------
Explore, enjoy and protect the planet
---
AAMAH

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Auntie Witch
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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I, too joke that my house is squalor, but looking at that list, discovered I'm at a 1 at least. From time to time my kids hide hotdogs and cheerios in odd places, so that jumps it to a 2, IMO.

Their ideas for how to tackle even severe squalor is good for even everyday cleaning.

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October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month!
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Victoria J
Jingle Bell Hock


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Any news SilkenRae ?

I haven't seen you around on the board, but between Christmas and possible (hopeful !) preparation for moving I guess that isn't suprising.

Victoria J

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