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Author Topic: Ew, EW, EWWW: Disgusting living conditions!
Silkenreindeer
Wassaleing


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My in-laws are horribly slovenly people. I'm not the tidiest, I admit, but even I'm not so bad. When I first moved in, for about the first six months, I tried to keep the place pretty tidy. After awhile, doing pretty much all the work and having it get back to just as bad as it was within a few days, I kinda gave up. Not entirely, mind - I'd still take out the garbage and do the washing up, things that needed doing so that there wouldn't be rotting food around the house.

Within the past couple of months my husband and I have been looking to move out. In this period, I've basically started boycotting the worst areas of the house for the sake of my own sanity (particularly the kitchen, which I get nauseous just walking past). Think stacks of dishes weeks old sitting in a backed up sink full of rotting food, maggots and mold, surfaces with caked on, rotting food, food containers sitting on the counters for weeks on end, a carpet that's been there for 20 or so years and hasn't been properly shampooed once in that time (a necessity, when the residents' idea of cleaning up a spill is to rub at it with a dirty towel for a few moments until it's nice and ground in), and several overflowing bin bags that have been there for weeks. For the sake of my own sanity, I stopped going in about a month ago. This morning, though, I've stayed home from work ill with a stomach bug... so I had to go in there and get my own food. Immediately, upon crossing the threshold I was hit with an overpowering stench coming from the bin bags. Think two-week-old rotting salmon combined with week-old rotting broccoli combined with god-knows-what. Unable to actually stay in there long enough to make myself something to eat, I decided to take the bin bags out (since, obviously, nobody else has bothered to do ANYTHING to that kitchen since I stopped going in it). During the course of tying one of the bags up, the smell was so overpoweringly disgusting that I became physically ill three times.

Why, if I get physically ill when entering that room, does no-one else in the house even notice it? I know, I know, bad on me for being lazy and not doing all the washing up and taking out all the trash and scrubbing all the surfaces and tidying up after everyone else in the house... I tried that. I just couldn't maintain it when nobody else was able to be motivated. The only way I can live in this house with these people is to stay in my little corner of the house and stare at the computer screen and not go anywhere near the kitchen, the bathroom, the lounge, or the study if I can at all help it. The state of filth in the house sends me into a panic attack whenever I have to be confronted with it. And yet, it doesn't seem to bother anyone else at all. My standards aren't that high. Honestly, they're not. But I'm living in a house where nobody else has any standards and I CAN'T STAND IT ANY MORE.

I just really really really hope that my application to let a flat with my husband is accepted. Because I'm so close to saying "NFBSK all of you" and moving back to America.

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NocturnalGoddess- naughty or nice?
Carol of the Dells


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Sadly, my boyfriend (who lives with his monther)'s house is exactly like that. It's so hard to resist the urge to just start cleaning myself. Of course, SO and I have both figured out that his mother has some serious mental health issues.

--------------------
"I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, godless, EVIL stuff... and I want in."- Homer Simpson

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Jay Tea
The "Was on Sale" Song


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Wow! These people sound like filthy freaks from the planet Gop [lol] I've never encountered a tiny degree of the shuddering horrors you describe and would be tempted to call Exterminators to deal with these foul paragons of hygienic despair.

Why 'should' you stand it? I wouldn't. Not for 5 seconds.

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This is where I come up with something right? Something really clever...

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Simply Madeline
The First USA Noel


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Is your husband as disgusted by this as you are? If he is comfortable living with that level of filth, you likely still will be stuck with all the cleaning when the two of you move out (of course, you'll be cleaning up after fewer people).
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Silkenreindeer
Wassaleing


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quote:
Originally posted by Simply Madeline:
Is your husband as disgusted by this as you are? If he is comfortable living with that level of filth, you likely still will be stuck with all the cleaning when the two of you move out (of course, you'll be cleaning up after fewer people).

And, indeed, things were pretty bad when we were in our own apartment in America... but they were never anywhere near this bad.

My husband grew up with that state of messiness and wouldn't be able to identify tidy if it bit him in the ass. However, he is capable of being motivated. He's perfectly happy to cook/clean/do the laundry/do the dishes if I nag him to. He doesn't have the "X needs doing, so I'll do it" mental trigger. He also doesn't have the ability to follow set chore lists and rotas. But, again, if I nag him he'll do his fair share.

On the whole, I've done a pretty good job of domesticating him (my sis-in-law, whose house shows that growing up in this family isn't automatically a sentance to squalor, says that I've worked miracles). And I'm learning (slowly) how to assert myself when I'm unhappy with the situation.

The two of us living together should be able to maintain what I consider an acceptable level of tidyness. As I said, my standards aren't very high. So long as there isn't rotting food lying around, and so long as the stacks of papers/books/clothes aren't too high I can live with it. If it's getting to the point where I can't walk without tripping over something, or I can't find things I'm looking for, then it's time for a cleaning.

ETA: Hygeine matters more to me than tidyness/cleanness. I can't stand a dirty kitchen or bathroom, but don't mind a bit of dust and clutter.

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snapdragonfly
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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That is not just slovenly. That's squalor.
Read about squalor here.

Frankly I don't know how you can stand it, and I hope you can get out of there right away.

Your health is at stake.

--------------------
"Wolves, dragons and vampires, man. Draw the nut-bars like big ol' nut-bar magnets." ~evilrabbit

(snurched because one of my nutbar family members is all about wolves and another one is all about dragons...)(with apologies to surfcitydogdad)

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The Fourth Man
Deck the Malls


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quote:
Originally posted by NocturnalGoddess- naughty or nice?:
Sadly, my boyfriend (who lives with his monther)'s

Is his mum really such a monster?

(I know, it's bad to pick on typos, but I just never could resist cracking an easy, corny joke.)

The Fourth "I got it: [fish] " Man

--------------------
If you keep trying, you'll eventually succeed. Therefore, the more you fail, the higher your chances of success.
-- Jacques Rouxel, 1931-2004 RIP :(

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Silkenreindeer
Wassaleing


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Hm. Sounds like second degree squalor to me...

First degree squalor sounds almost normal to me. Kinda what our apartment was in America. I never let it get beyond that, though. I hit a wall after which I really can't go past - when I look around and go "Aaghk! LOOK at this place!" and just go into a day long cleaning frenzy.

This "Aaaghk! I CAN'T STAND IT ANY MORE" instinct seems completely lacking in my in-laws and or husband.

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franjava
Deck the Malls


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I HATE when I have to go in houses like that! When I was an EMT, we had to do a lift assist (woman fell out of her wheel chair and needed to get back in) and her house was so nasty! Piles of garbage everywhere (old fast-food bags and stuff,) fruit flies (in the BEDROOM!!!!) Pooh on the toilet... And this woman's grown daughter with her 1-2 year old child where sitting amidst all this! My partner and I were smelly and grossed out all day! Couldn't wait to take a shower. ICK!

EDIT: This woman had full upper body usage and her husband and daughter were able-bodied. Can't you clean a toilet?!

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Never eat anything given to you by a toddler.

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NocturnalGoddess- naughty or nice?
Carol of the Dells


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quote:
Originally posted by The Fourth Man:
quote:
Originally posted by NocturnalGoddess- naughty or nice?:
Sadly, my boyfriend (who lives with his monther)'s

Is his mum really such a monster?

(I know, it's bad to pick on typos, but I just never could resist cracking an easy, corny joke.)

The Fourth "I got it: [fish] " Man

Hey hey hey... mocking typos is not fair with the new time limit on editing posts [Razz]

And to answer your non-serious question: at times.

--------------------
"I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, godless, EVIL stuff... and I want in."- Homer Simpson

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Midgard_Dragon
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Wow, my house is pretty disgusting by a clean freak's standards, but even I don't leave rotting food and trash sitting out for weeks (okay, sometimes, but it's usually only a couple of bags, closed up tightly with the drawstring, and no stench coming from them.) I have a few dishes stacked in the sink, but since I've started mainly using paper plates (I'm a bachelor now, I might as well do the bachelor thing [Razz] ).

My room and kitchen are probably the cleanest parst of my house, as far as clutter goes, but even the rest at least gets occassional attention. I see if you don't get the flat, you need to stand up for yourself and tell everyone in the house that you are going to throw a fit once a day until someone starts to help you with tidying up.

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-==UDIC==-
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Sharpened Steel
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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quote:
Originally posted by Silkenreindeer:
My husband grew up with that state of messiness and wouldn't be able to identify tidy if it bit him in the ass. However, he is capable of being motivated. He's perfectly happy to cook/clean/do the laundry/do the dishes if I nag him to. He doesn't have the "X needs doing, so I'll do it" mental trigger. He also doesn't have the ability to follow set chore lists and rotas. But, again, if I nag him he'll do his fair share.
[/QB]

This lack of a trigger doesn't necessary come from living in that type of household. For example, my mom is very clean, but I never developed that trigger. However, I do get to that "I have to clean!" point that you mentioned. But it's a new development because of my SO.

My boyfriend's parents keep their house clean but aren't particularly neat freaks. However, my boyfriend is a total neat freak, but his younger brother is a total slob.

Basically, the point of all that is that I think being clean or messy is more inherent than anything else. You can learn to clean even when you aren't inclined to(which sounds like your husband is getting to that point), but for your in-laws, I think it's far too late. You really, really, really need to get out of that house because it's not going to get any better(I think you already know that, though).

Best of luck in getting a new flat.

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Get used to his bad habits and decide whether you can put up with them...the rest of your life. 'Cause if you don't, then one day, you find yourself in the shed, sharpening the axe and idly wondering how thick the human skull really is.
-ChickyBee

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snapdragonfly
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Clean or messy, relatively speaking, is probably caused by a variety of factors, but true squalor, particularly third degree, is actually a mental illness.

--------------------
"Wolves, dragons and vampires, man. Draw the nut-bars like big ol' nut-bar magnets." ~evilrabbit

(snurched because one of my nutbar family members is all about wolves and another one is all about dragons...)(with apologies to surfcitydogdad)

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PallasAthena
Xboxing Day


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Silkenray, It sounded more like 3rd degree squalor to me with the maggots and the rotting food. Are you sure there aren't any mental health issues with dear old mum and dad?

--------------------
"How do you make chocolate? You take dark chocolate, you mix it with white milk, and it becomes a delicious drink. That is the chocolate I am talking about." --Ray Nagin

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Froggy Mom
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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EWWWWW! Even in the deepest pit of my depression my house never got that bad! I can stand messiness (I have four kids, I would go nuts if I couldn't), but I can't handle mold or smelly, rotten food in my kitchen. Please escape soon, for your own health.
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Ryda Wong, EBfCo.
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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Ex-SO had a friend who, in a two year span, lost his long time partner to an illness and got severly injured by an uninsured driver.

He went into squalor. I would not enter his house. Floor to ceiling stuff, florida palmetto bugs (the 1-3 inch flying roaches) everywhere. Ex-SO said that you had to keep a hand over any drink, or one would always get in.

I think his only option would be to burn the property down and start from scratch.

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So many spankings! It feels so good! But at the same time, I don't care about meeting your family! - I'mNotDedalus:

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Silkenreindeer
Wassaleing


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I moved 3,500 miles away from my family and friends and everything familiar to live with this for a year and a half while my husband and I were looking for work and a place to live. It's no wonder, with the isolation and the filth, that I've been depressed. It's damned hard to try to motivate people into keeping tidy when you can hardly motivate yourself to get out of bed. Which is why I've more or less given up on the place.

I hope with all my might that the paperwork for the flat will go through OK. If I have to stay here for another week let alone another month I will go completely crazy. Then again, that's what I told my husband a month ago and a month before that and a month before that going back to about August. [Frown] He's a great guy, but he's also more than a little bit sedentary. Not that I'm much better.

And, of course, the entire time I've been living here I've been afraid to make waves. In part because the depression says "You don't deserve any better". In part because innate politeness keeps me from shouting at the top of my lungs "THIS PLACE IS FILTHY! HOW CAN YOU STAND IT?" I've been saying to myself that with how expensive housing is around here, I'm damned lucky to have any place to live at all.

It's mostly my mother in law, mind. She's the one who can't be motivated to clean at all no matter how hard you try. At least my husband and father in law will help when I instigate a cleanup. She also can't master the art of "put the trash in the bin". Oh, and there was this one time when she had the runs and she ended up leaving a squishie on the floor that I discovered with my foot. Doesn't etiquette dictate that you clean up your own poo? I can understand having the runs and not making it to the toilet, but leaving it there for others to discover by stepping on it? UGH.

If we get that flat, it will be a fresh start for my husband and I. I will NOT let it get like that. WON'T WON'T WON'T. All dishes will be done promptly after use, garbage will be binned immediately and taken out immediately, there will be regular scrubbing and hoovering and everything. The one good thing about all of this is that it's shown me what happens when my own bad habits of untidyness get taken to extremes. After I leave here, I wouldn't be surprised if I became a neat freak. [Smile]

God, I hope I get that flat. 'Cause either way, I'm not going to spend 2007 (even a small part of it) in this house. I'd rather move back to America with my parents, psychotic mother and all.

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Zachary Fizz
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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What you have described suggests some degree of mental illness on the part of your inlaws, Silkenray. Is it possible to involve social services?
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Richard W
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by snapdragonfly:
That is not just slovenly. That's squalor.
Read about squalor here.

Wow, I'm officially living in first-degree squalor! I always thought I was joking about that! (It's not that bad actually - I did clear all the washing up this week, and I've got tomorrow off to sort out a bit more.)

That sounds horrendous, SilkenRay. I really hope you get your flat...

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Mistletoey Chloe
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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I think my office is a 2. [Embarrassed] (Oh, and thanks, Bonnie, for changing my view of *that* icon).

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~~Ai am in mai prrrrrraime!~~

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Richard W
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by Silkenreindeer:
Oh, and there was this one time when she had the runs and she ended up leaving a squishie on the floor that I discovered with my foot. Doesn't etiquette dictate that you clean up your own poo? I can understand having the runs and not making it to the toilet, but leaving it there for others to discover by stepping on it? UGH.

I hadn't got to this bit!! Yuck! If that was usual then it would move it to level 4 in that list...!

It's possible she didn't notice - I just deleted a long anecdote involving my granny on the grounds that it was too much information and not relevant (also I'm ashamed that I never cleaned up the poo-stain on her carpet and just left it there because I was too embarrassed and grossed out to say anything), but the point of it was that she had a stain on her carpet from a similar incident, but hadn't realised that's what it was. I knew because I witnessed the incident... she dashed off to the loo and I called through the door that I was off to do her shopping, and left an extra half-hour for her to sort herself out and clean up. When I got back, she was fine but the small stain on the carpet was still there and a bit dried up; she noticed it shortly after that, prodded it with her stick and asked me if I'd spilled coffee. I think she genuinely didn't make the connection.

OK, so I put the anecdote back, but it's shorter this time.

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snapdragonfly
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Silkenreindeer, when you get your own place, you might want to try flylady.net for a while.

Some folks just take what parts of it work for them, instead of EVERYTHING they say to do, but it helped me and a lot of people I know.

~I used to moderate an organizing message board, and I know a little about dealing with this!!!

I really hope you get out soon. Your inlaws are ill and you can't change them.

--------------------
"Wolves, dragons and vampires, man. Draw the nut-bars like big ol' nut-bar magnets." ~evilrabbit

(snurched because one of my nutbar family members is all about wolves and another one is all about dragons...)(with apologies to surfcitydogdad)

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Hero_Mike
Happy Holly Days


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Silken, I read this and the other thread about you having very few friends.

Sorry that I can't put this in a more positive or delicate way, but get yourself out of there. Move back to the US. Tell your husband that it's just not worth your mental health to struggle against everything.

I admire your patience and perserverance in this, but the first maggot would have sent me home. I may be a bit of a neat freak, but that's beyond what anyone should have to suffer through.

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"The fate of *billions* depends on you! Hahahahaha....sorry." Lord Raiden - Mortal Kombat

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Rob D / Blackwolf, the yule dodo
Deck the Malls


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quote:
My husband grew up with that state of messiness and wouldn't be able to identify tidy if it bit him in the ass. However, he is capable of being motivated. He's perfectly happy to cook/clean/do the laundry/do the dishes if I nag him to. He doesn't have the "X needs doing, so I'll do it" mental trigger. He also doesn't have the ability to follow set chore lists and rotas. But, again, if I nag him he'll do his fair share.
I think that trigger might be a special addon for husbands, they usually don't come equipped with that.

Seriously. Even though I would consider myself a rather well developed slob, maybe a 2 on the Vrba scale, what you describe is even beyond my abilities to cope with. I hope you and Impy get a flat soon. And for your in laws. Maybe you should talk to social services? That squallor indeed sounds like a mental thing and at least Impy's mother might need help herself, and his dad might need help coping with her.

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~Reality, the refuge of those who fail in RPGs~
aka Darkfist Dragon
-==(UDIC)==-

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Silkenreindeer
Wassaleing


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quote:
Originally posted by Hero_Mike:
Silken, I read this and the other thread about you having very few friends.

Sorry that I can't put this in a more positive or delicate way, but get yourself out of there. Move back to the US. Tell your husband that it's just not worth your mental health to struggle against everything.

I admire your patience and perserverance in this, but the first maggot would have sent me home. I may be a bit of a neat freak, but that's beyond what anyone should have to suffer through.

If our references go through OK for the flat we're trying to rent, we will be moved out of here within the week. I can survive another week.
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PallasAthena
Xboxing Day


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Keep us posted Silkenray. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed on this!

--------------------
"How do you make chocolate? You take dark chocolate, you mix it with white milk, and it becomes a delicious drink. That is the chocolate I am talking about." --Ray Nagin

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evilrabbit
Jingle Bell Hock


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Does it count as 2nd degree squalor if you table is unusable as a table because you use it for storage? [Embarrassed]
Reading this reminded me of living with my ex-roommate. I would leave dishes in the sink for maybe a day or so, because I was tired after work. She would leave them...well, pretty much til I washed them, at the end. I went away for a week to visit my family. There were dishes I didn't get a chance to do before I left. When I came home, the same dishes were still in the sink. Urgh.

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"My sandwich choice is uncertain, until I actually order. It's like Schrodinger's Sandwich."
"Is plutonium involved in this sandwich in any way?"
"Maybe."

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Syllavus
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


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Good lord, my husband starts to get queasy if there's too much mail piling up on our island, and I start to lose it if there's anymore than a few dirty plates in the sink. I absolutely, positively couldn't live like that. [Eek!]

Gosh and I thought my roommates in college were gross. Silkenray, all I can offer is *hugs* and good vibes for you to get out of that situation.

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"That would be really dangerous, you know. Indiscriminately extricating someone from the petrified corpse of a supernatural creature." - My Husband

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Elkhound
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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Our ex-neighbors were like that. I refused to set foot inside their house--what I could see through the windows were bad enough. When they moved out, the man who bought the place had to bring in three large dumpsters to shovel out all the cr@p in there. His son literally could not go in, as he became physically ill whenever he tried. If you looked up "white trash" in the dictionary, you'd see a picture of this family.

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"The bicycle is the most civilized conveyance known to man. Other forms of transport grow daily more nightmarish. Only the bicycle remains pure in heart."--Iris Murdoch

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bthyb
WiFi Christmas


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This thread makes me want to go home and clean. It also makes me a lot better about my less than perfect cleaning habits!

Hugs, Silkenray -- and please do keep us posted.

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If you say you love ice cream, you better be dreaming of an orgy with Ben, Jerry, and one fine-ass chunky monkey.

-- My sister and poet extraordinaire, Joanna Hoffman

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NocturnalGoddess- naughty or nice?
Carol of the Dells


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SO's house is level 3. I just wish there was something I could do [Frown]

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"I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, godless, EVIL stuff... and I want in."- Homer Simpson

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black roses 19
Xboxing Day


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Yeah, thanks a lot for this thread. I'm going to go obsessively clean. My bedroom is currently at level 2 squalor, but it's pretty much all clothes - it's not like there's massive amounts of trash lying around or anything.

As far as the OP - I know exactly how you feel. I was raised in a house like that. Once my mom got remarried, it became worse - much, much worse. 10 years ago, my mom moved the refrigerator into the living room so she could patch up a mouse hole in the wall that was behind it.

Did I mention that the refrigerator is STILL in the living room? With (most likely) the same stuff that was in it 10 years ago when she moved it. The reason it's still in the living room is because the "hole" where it was (in between cupboards) quickly became the trash corner. It's filled with trash (literally trash) taller than I am.

It's really impossible to keep up with stuff like that - especially when everyone else is fighting so hard just to bring it back to its previous state of disgust. I gave up about 6 months before I moved out. Because of living in that house, I developed serious allergies and asthma because of the amount of mold and dust.

I really, honestly hope you can get out soon.

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"I find them to be in contradiction of the basic principles of YOUR MOM!!!" -We've Got Mail

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bthyb
WiFi Christmas


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quote:
Originally posted by NocturnalGoddess- naughty or nice?:
SO's house is level 3. I just wish there was something I could do [Frown]

What does the SO say about it, NG?

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If you say you love ice cream, you better be dreaming of an orgy with Ben, Jerry, and one fine-ass chunky monkey.

-- My sister and poet extraordinaire, Joanna Hoffman

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Purple Iguana
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Yeah, that's pretty f'in nasty, Silken. Come to my place, and you'll see a place that isn't tidy. Piles of stuff on just about every horizontal surface. But no FILTH. I mean, we have the odd Tupperware-contents-turned-science-project that we find in the fridge from time to time, and sometimes the dishes sit for a few days. But maggots and rot and otherwise visual ipecac? Not a chance. That's just nasty!


ETA: Reading up on squalor, I guess I must be a Level 1, because I nearly busted out laughing at how perfectly that describes it. Oh.... maybe laughter isn't the right reaction.... [Eek!] [Big Grin]

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They just don't make crazed, beserk robots like they used to. --Sheen Estevez, Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius

If I manage to post something swipe-worthy that you would like to make your sig, you may do so with my blessing.

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ChelleGame
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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The good news is that you are going to feel so much better when you get a place on your own. Environment effects people, and it's clearly depressing to live in filth. So just look to the day when you can walk into any room in your house and have it be decorated (and cleaned) to your standards. [Smile]

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Michelle

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