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Arrowtech, thanks for the welcome and just to add: I'm a much better editor when it comes to *other* people's stuff . In my defense, I was typing quickly, and I don't hold myself to quite the same standards when posting or chatting on the internet than on formal stuff- it's just like talking, less formal in certain occasions. The important thing is knowing what occasions.
-------------------- Get used to his bad habits and decide whether you can put up with them...the rest of your life. 'Cause if you don't, then one day, you find yourself in the shed, sharpening the axe and idly wondering how thick the human skull really is. -ChickyBee Posts: 64 | From: Bristol, Rhode Island/Columbia, Maryland | Registered: Dec 2006
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I married young. We were both 22 and we only dated for two months before he proposed to me. We recently celebrated our 10th anniversary and we have three children.
My cousin had a goal of getting married and actually grew depressed when she was 19 and hadn't found her "soulmate" (Gosh I hate that word). She was so in a hurry to be with someone, she married the first guy that looked her way. Now she's married to her third husband.
To make marriage your goal, isn't a bad thing. But you have to do it for the right reasons. Is it to please your family? Your church? I think what needs to be done is to figure out what sort of person you want to share your life with. You should also prepare yourself to be ready for marriage.
-------------------- It's like they took a bunch of movies, put them in a blender and turned it on really fast!-Mystery Science Theater 3000 Posts: 2603 | From: Magna, Utah | Registered: Aug 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Cervus: You say "I've always wanted to be married". This makes me question why such a status is so important to you. Women often define themselves by their relationships to others - their marital status, their motherhood, etc. Too many women and girls I know feel that their lives are not complete without a partner. I have known many women like my mother who wound up regretting the paths they chose because of their "need" to always be in a relationship. It can be a good thing for some folks, but it can also hinder personal growth.
You speak only about women here. But what about men who have "always wanted to be married?"
First off, I'm pretty sure that I am male. Also, I have always planned on being married. You could say it was an important goal in my life. Why? Two reasons: (1)I wanted a person I could love and be with for the rest of my life and (2) children are most definitely an important goal in my life, and I don't think such a thing should be done without a real commitment between the two parents. I would never marry someone who didn't feel "right" nor rush into marriage, but if I were on my deathbed and had never married or had children, I would feel deep regrets. You could almost say I would feel my life had been "not complete."
What's wrong with this? If nothing, what's wrong with it for a woman?
Posts: 1048 | From: Brunswick, Maine | Registered: Oct 2005
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There's nothing wrong with planning to have a family. If you love children and want someone to share then with you then more power to you. I don't think wanting these things make you insipid.
-------------------- It's like they took a bunch of movies, put them in a blender and turned it on really fast!-Mystery Science Theater 3000 Posts: 2603 | From: Magna, Utah | Registered: Aug 2004
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quote: Welcome to the boards and thank you, for helping me identify a problem I have with a friend's marriage. All she has ever wanted out of life was to get married. She got married two months ago and so, at 25 has fulfilled her life's ambition.
Thank you! It's taken me a while to get up the courage to post instead of hanging out in the background. I'm a little intimidated by you guys.
I have known quite a few people (not just women either) who get married for that very same reason. I can't say that marriage was always an ambition of mine. My situation was more I got knocked up and it seemed right at the time. I really thought I loved my ex when I married him, but I guess I didn't really KNOW him when I married him. I just wanted to be in love because I thought I was supposed to be. I apologize if that doesn't make sense. It's hard to explain because, at that age, I wasn't thinking logically.
Oh, and I really wish I had a grandma like yours!
Posts: 24 | From: Colorado | Registered: Dec 2006
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quote:Originally posted by BlushingBride: Whereas an intelligent person with "Get married" on the lifelong goal list probably defines it as: "Find a companion, friend, and lover with whom I am certain that I wish to and will be able to spend my life. Make a public oath, witnessed by everyone important to me, to remain joined to this person--and only this person--for the rest of our natural lives. Use the institution of marriage as a means of forming a new family unit, both spiritually and legally. The party is secondary."
And frankly, I think that's every bit as valid a goal as "Go to France" or "Learn Swahili."
That quite nicely expresses what *I* mean when I say, "get married." Not as in, "have a wedding and a Mrs. in front of my name,", but just as you said - the whole friend, lover and companion thing. Being legal and traditional is not necessary to have that, but, there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting those things, too.
That is certainly as valid a desire as any other I can think of. Some people just want to live their life as one half of a happily mated pair - I think men want this every bit as much as women, actually. Maybe sometimes more. Maybe not, I dunno, but it seems to me that as I get older, the men I know seem to know that they are lonely without a life companion.
-------------------- "Wolves, dragons and vampires, man. Draw the nut-bars like big ol' nut-bar magnets." ~evilrabbit
(snurched because one of my nutbar family members is all about wolves and another one is all about dragons...)(with apologies to surfcitydogdad) Posts: 2397 | From: Texarkana, TX | Registered: Mar 2006
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Did the ax quote remind anyone else of this?
quote:"If you haven't contemplated murder, you ain't been in love. If you haven't seriously thought about killing a motherf****r, you ain't been in love. If you haven't had a can of rat poison in your hand and looked at it for forty-five minutes straight, you ain't been in love. If you haven't bought a shovel and a bag and a rug to roll their ass up in, you ain't been in love. If you haven't practiced your alibi in front of the mirror, you ain't been in love. And the only thing that's stopped you from killing this motherf****r is an episode of CSI."
-------------------- My great grandfather planted that tree! Posts: 4862 | From: Brooklyn | Registered: Sep 2000
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quote: (2) children are most definitely an important goal in my life, and I don't think such a thing should be done without a real commitment between the two parents.
I know that I probably shouldn't, but I take offense at that. No, The Rooster and I are not married. But yes, we are completely committed to each other. For us at this point, marriage would be a formality. Nothing else would change except my surname. (and Lord, I can't wait to dump that!) What makes our commitment to each other any less 'real' than that of a married couple? Should we have gotten married when I found out I was pregnant, even though that means we wouldn't have done it for the right reasons?
quote: Thank you! It's taken me a while to get up the courage to post instead of hanging out in the background. I'm a little intimidated by you guys.
Nothing to be afraid of here, none of us bite. (Mostly ) I know what you mean though, there are certain posters who I have been in awe of since I joined and am still in complete awe of.
quote: I have known quite a few people (not just women either) who get married for that very same reason. I can't say that marriage was always an ambition of mine. My situation was more I got knocked up and it seemed right at the time. I really thought I loved my ex when I married him, but I guess I didn't really KNOW him when I married him. I just wanted to be in love because I thought I was supposed to be. I apologize if that doesn't make sense. It's hard to explain because, at that age, I wasn't thinking logically.
It makes total sense. I'm just rapt I can finally put my finger on why I have reservations about the marriage. While I don't doubt that she loves her husband, I certainly don't believe they got married for the right reasons. As horrible and mean as it sounds, there's a few us more cynical people who have a pool going as to when the divorce will be.
And yes, my grandma is awesome. I could probably write a book about her.
-------------------- So many people are hung up on achievements. What did you do today? What are you planning? Sometimes, just getting through the day is an achievement in itself. Posts: 256 | From: Melbourne, Australia | Registered: Sep 2005
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I've been married for 20 years. I got married when I was 17 and he was almost 20. We met when I was 14 and in the 9th grade and he was not quite 17 and in the 10th grade (he failed a year at another school- we're both Army brats).
We were friends first. Then dated. Then got married. Then, we had three kids.
Had he not become suddenly disabled at the age of 28 (with a stroke) then our lives would be fine. I just wanted to point out that despite the hard times we've had, we're still married. We were young when we got married, and we were young when our lives were forever changed by that random blood clot that hit his brain.
I don't judge anyone by their desire to get married or not get married. My oldest daughter (who is 17) has no desire to get married and have kids. Good for her. My youngest daughter (13) knows she will eventually marry and have kids- but it will be "after college" (her words). Good for her too. And right now, my almost-15 year old son is a walking hormone, he doesn't know what he wants.
-------------------- "Is it ME? Am I a MAGNET for these idiots?"~Pearl Forrester MST3K Die-Hard Engineers, Big Red One my Dad's website "Must be a 'snopes' thing..." ~my entire family when I try to explain something. Posts: 4524 | From: South of Madison, Wisconsin | Registered: May 2005
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quote: (2) children are most definitely an important goal in my life, and I don't think such a thing should be done without a real commitment between the two parents.
I know that I probably shouldn't, but I take offense at that. No, The Rooster and I are not married. But yes, we are completely committed to each other. For us at this point, marriage would be a formality. Nothing else would change except my surname. (and Lord, I can't wait to dump that!) What makes our commitment to each other any less 'real' than that of a married couple? Should we have gotten married when I found out I was pregnant, even though that means we wouldn't have done it for the right reasons?
Obviously I'm not one to judge when you should get offended, but I really don't see why you should. I was talking about why I plan on getting married. I figure if I'm going to commit the rest of my life to raising children with someone, I might as well get married. I don't mean to say that's the way it should be for everyone. If you have some other reason for not actually getting married that I don't, but are still prepared to offer that same level of commitment, then I have no problem with that.
Times are a-changing - recently the news was that 40% of children are born to unwed parents. And the rise is in people having kids in their twenties, while teen pregnancies decline. Obviously having children out of wedlock does not have the social stigma it once did. The marriage itself isn't that important, only the commitment. For me, marriage is an indication of that commitment. I'm not saying it has to be for you (although I am curious as to why you don't want to get married - it has few costs that I can think of, and makes things a lot more convenient in some ways).
ETA: Notice I said "I don't think such a thing should be done without a real commitment between the two parents." I choose to make that commitment with marriage. If you choose to make it some other way, I have no problem with that.
Posts: 1048 | From: Brunswick, Maine | Registered: Oct 2005
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You're right El Camino. The offense is purely in my mind only - I've interpreted 'real committment' as 'marriage' which I see now is NOT how you meant them. The only defense I can give (as crappy as it is) is that lately we've had so many people telling us that because we've got a child together, we 'should' get married and it would be 'the right thing to do' that it has become a bit of a hot button for me.
quote:although I am curious as to why you don't want to get married - it has few costs that I can think of, and makes things a lot more convenient in some ways).
Oh I do want to get married. But it falls under the same list as wanting to write a book or wanting to go to Egypt or wanting to shag Johnny Depp. It might happen... it might not. It would be great if it does, it won't be the end of the world if it doesn't. The other thing is, that I've seen many more unhappy marriages than happy ones - including my parents. And other than the convenience factor, there's not many benefits that come from being married, that we can't get being shacked up.
-------------------- So many people are hung up on achievements. What did you do today? What are you planning? Sometimes, just getting through the day is an achievement in itself. Posts: 256 | From: Melbourne, Australia | Registered: Sep 2005
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Well, I am male (at least I think I am) and I always wanted to be married. Strangely enough, I think this stems from my parents getting divorced when I was five. I guess I could've gone either way, but I always looked forward to finding that certain someone and spending the rest of our lives together.
Mrs. Maclloyd and I got married at a relatively young age (I was 23 and she was 21). I had known her for a couple of years, but our relationship had been mostly (almost exclusively) long distance. Most incredibly, we had never even been on anything you could really call a date together (the closest thing was a four-hour bus ride with her little brother sitting behind us). Practically everyone I knew thought I was insane and that the the marriage wouldn't last the provervial six months, but it has been twenty-two years last August, and although I am sure she has wanted to kill me on more than one occasion, we are still married, still in love, still moving forward, hand-in-hand, together.
Being married hasn't always been sunshine and roses, but I never expected it to be (see above enter re: parents). I knew that there would be times when things would be hard, but also that things can get better. In other words, I grew up believing in marriage, but also believing that marriage was hard work.
In my experience with people who married young (or older really) that had problems, one common denominator was that they didn't expect problems and so were ill-equiped to handle them when they came up.
(In making that statement, I refer only to couples of my own acquaintance and in no way wish infer anything about any other snopesters marriages, problems or experiences.)
-------------------- "May you make the Yuletide pay!" Posts: 811 | From: Arcadia, CA | Registered: Jul 2005
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I've been reading this thread and thinking about my own situation. I am currently thirty-two and have known my husband since I was eighteen.
Fourteen years.... Wow. Time flies.
Anyway, we have been married four and a half years now (after dating for three years long distance) and I wouldn't change anything. Sometimes we talk about what might have happened if we had tried to date earlier (like in college) and we both agree that we weren't ready for each other -- or really for "life" itself.
I think that what I'm trying to say is that while I probably would have wanted to marry Cat Grey if we had dated in college, we weren't ready to be married, or even in the relationship that we know have, yet. I cherish the time that I spent in my own first apartment and the ability to enter in social activities as a single. I've had a blast. College was incredible -- filled with friendships and wild, crazy weekend escapades.
My sister, on the other hand, has always had marriage as a goal, and has had a number of "serious" relationships. What has this done for her? Well, she entered college while in just such a long distance relationship and it meant that she never joined in and participated in a lot of the social activities of freshmen. Which meant that when she and boyfriend #1 grew apart, she didn't have a circle of friends to join. She was a bit on the outs. Since she's a very attractive girl, there were always guys to go out with, but female friends -- who are fairly easy to bond with in group situations or early on -- were scarce. So, she took the easy way and has just tumbled from one serious relationship to the next. Each one she devotes her entire self towards, "nurturing" it and not willing to toss it away when it's obvious that the relationship doesn't fit.
So, in summation, based entirely on anecdote, I think that having marriage as a goal and declaring that you've "found the one" too early can lead you to sacrifice other opportunities when you're young -- social time during a critical point that you may not find again -- and can also lead you to become so fixated on THAT person and THAT marriage that you become willing to sacrifice a still nascent personality on the altar of that dream marriage.
Posts: 955 | From: Dallas, TX | Registered: Jul 2004
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quote:Originally posted by BlushingBride: Whereas an intelligent person with "Get married" on the lifelong goal list probably defines it as: "Find a companion, friend, and lover with whom I am certain that I wish to and will be able to spend my life. "
Not even that. I think we are far too wrapped up in the concept of needing that one person with whom to bond for life that we lose other important relationships, or don't nurture them like we should or place artificial constraints on them.
Wanting one lifelong partner is not getting "wrapped up" for those of us who desire such a comittment.
I am also not sure why you think that getting married subjects other relationships to "artificial constraints" either. It has never been the case for myself or anyone I know.
-------------------- "My Very Educated Mother Just Said Uh-oh! No...Pluto..."~ Steven Colbert Posts: 3256 | From: Somewhere in Ohio | Registered: Apr 2004
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Here are my experiences. Take it foe what it is worth. In college I was engaged and in a long distance relationship. I regret that I spent that much time and energy focused on someone who was so far away. I missed out a lot on the college experience and there was a palative shift when I told my professors I was engaged. They seemed to care a little less about my future. That relationship didn't ultimately work out and I'm currently happily married to a man I met well after graduation.
My sister C, on the other hand, is currently married to her high school boyfriend. She went away to college and they were one again off again during that time. After she graduated they took about two year to get to know each other again and then got married.
You seem to have a very mature attitude about all of this. People say these things about people your age because they have seen early marriages fail. We like to think we're sparing you pain but we can't really spare you your own experiences. (Sorry, this isn't making as much sense as I meant it too. Best of luck.)
Posts: 1168 | From: Missouri | Registered: Oct 2005
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I should mention my parents- married 40 years last month. They met through my dad's sister (who was my mom's roommate at the time). My dad was home on leave from his time in the Army. They were around 20, 21 years old. They had a few dates. They wrote letters while he was finishing his duty station in Germany. He returned from Germany with orders for Vietnam (this is 1966). After those few dates, those letters for all those months (just over a year, IIRC) and his return... they got married. In traffic court, no less!
They were married about six weeks when he shipped out to Vietnam. They met up six months later in Hawaii for their "honeymoon". When my mom picked him up at the airport in Chicago after his hitch in 'Nam, she was six months pregnant with my brother.
Two kids, several duty stations, my dad's subsequent heart attacks/surgeries and both their retirements- 40 years. They have a big ol' RV now and travel for weeks at a time.
-------------------- "Is it ME? Am I a MAGNET for these idiots?"~Pearl Forrester MST3K Die-Hard Engineers, Big Red One my Dad's website "Must be a 'snopes' thing..." ~my entire family when I try to explain something. Posts: 4524 | From: South of Madison, Wisconsin | Registered: May 2005
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Well, Chloe, I'll let you in on a little secret of Fowl's. He's actually smarter than me. He just hides it well.
For what it's worth, neither Fowlplay nor I had marriage as a goal. It was just something we assumed would happen one day, eventually, maybe. Thus neither one of us was looking for "the one" and our relationship developed naturally. I think taking the "I have to get married!" pressure off a relationship, whatever age you are, is one of the keys to developing a lasting relationship. But then again I could be wrong.
-------------------- There is no interpersonal problem so big that it can't be solved with a suitably large amount of high explosives. ~ Bufungla Posts: 3562 | From: South Texas | Registered: Oct 2001
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quote:Originally posted by Bach_girl: I am also not sure why you think that getting married subjects other relationships to "artificial constraints" either. It has never been the case for myself or anyone I know.
Here, I'm going off what I've discussed with others who have been or wanted to be married (and, for the record, I'm not talking about the wedding part, either, but the actual, traditional state of monogameous matrimony).
I think that it's far too prevalent in our culture in general, this structure of two people, and only two, usually with a sexual aspect, combining lives and attempting to make that an insoulable bond, even though both are often miserable.
Marriage, IMHO, is a very limiting structure that seems to depend, quite often, on artifically imposed behaviors.
Getting married, and the type of relation associated with that, is such an always-already concept, and, so often, it simply dosen't work. Yes, I am quite sure there would be people who would fit quite well in the traditional concept of marriage. However, I don't think its true suitibility for an individual accounts for how often marriages are performed in our culture, complete with the associated ideals. There's a gap there.
-------------------- So many spankings! It feels so good! But at the same time, I don't care about meeting your family! - I'mNotDedalus: Posts: 3216 | From: Denver, CO | Registered: Dec 2005
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well, I'm a perfect example of a short time dating = long marriage...
Well, my Parents dated for i think a week before my dad proposed, about 6 years later I was born. My wife and I had dated for a month and a bit when we started talking about marriage, after 2.5 months I proposed, we've been married 5 months tomorrow. not long term yet, but no question in our minds that it will be long term. our child was born in october, and we want him to be well taken care of, and we love each other and him with all our hearts.
Marriage is about working together, and as long as you realize that the marriage will survive. most marriages I've seen fail have been because of changes... someone gets a new job and has to work longer hours, or far from home for weeks on end. someone's priorities change, a person is always changing, and in a marriage two people are always changing, it's a matter of making those changes work with each other.
I've seen marriages end because the two people grow apart, they changed in such different ways. that their lives were no longer able to function together. one was working on the rigs up north, (up 2 weeks down 1) so 1 week off out of every 3, the rest of the time was spent up north in a camp, his wife was down here, and going through "changes" she was having surgeries which affected her hormone levels, and as such was going through a rather drastic change in libido.... as you can imagine, him being so far away most of the time caused the urges to express themselves otherwise. And that had nothing to do with being married young. (although they were,) however I'm certain that a job that allowed him to be home every night would have prevented that issue. (she claims it wouldn't have, but I watched my best friend change in front of me, and I've known her for 20 years I think I know her...)
So there's nothing wrong with wanting marriage, just know that it requires work on both parts. it's not easy, but it's also one of the most rewarding things. (IMO) it sucks when they fail, but hey, i've got a happy marriage, and I don't see any reason for that to change. people who have miserable marriages, usually means that one person is refusing to adjust or is incapable of adjusting, IME. YMMV
Posts: 153 | From: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada | Registered: Dec 2004
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My sister was 19 and her husband was 22 when they got married. They've been married for fifteen years now. If you feel the time is right, go for it. And remember, never make light of Boing!
-------------------- "I have a very cunning plan." Posts: 506 | From: Texas | Registered: Jul 2003
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While there is a trend for marriages of those that marry younger to fail more often, it is certainly not a rule.
When it comes to predicting if a relationship is successful, I've found that there seem to be very few rules that actually apply beyond mutual, honest love and respect.
My wife and I were engaged about 6 weeks after we met and married 4 1/2 months later (she was 20, I was 23). Our 20th anniversary is coming up.
Posts: 296 | From: Crawfordville, Florida | Registered: Dec 2005
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Rhiandmoi
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV
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quote:Originally posted by Ryda Wong, EBfCo.:
quote:Originally posted by Bach_girl: I am also not sure why you think that getting married subjects other relationships to "artificial constraints" either. It has never been the case for myself or anyone I know.
Here, I'm going off what I've discussed with others who have been or wanted to be married (and, for the record, I'm not talking about the wedding part, either, but the actual, traditional state of monogameous matrimony).
I think that it's far too prevalent in our culture in general, this structure of two people, and only two, usually with a sexual aspect, combining lives and attempting to make that an insoulable bond, even though both are often miserable.
Marriage, IMHO, is a very limiting structure that seems to depend, quite often, on artifically imposed behaviors.
Getting married, and the type of relation associated with that, is such an always-already concept, and, so often, it simply dosen't work. Yes, I am quite sure there would be people who would fit quite well in the traditional concept of marriage. However, I don't think its true suitibility for an individual accounts for how often marriages are performed in our culture, complete with the associated ideals. There's a gap there.
Sometimes I am not sure that I speak the same language that you do.
What is the type of relation associated with getting married?
-------------------- I think that hyperbole is the single greatest factor contributing to the decline of society. - My friend Pat.
quote:Originally posted by Rhiandmoi: Sometimes I am not sure that I speak the same language that you do.
What is the type of relation associated with getting married?
Usually, it is associated with a relation between two people (most often of the opposite sex due to current laws), with a sexual, economic, and, often, emotional/romantic relationship, which is considered to be seperate and distinct from any other type of relationship (i.e. close friendship, platonic love, serial realtions, the whole polygamy debacle on the other thread), and considered to be so seperate and distinct that it, to the exclusion of other relationships, demands social, economic and governemental recognition and regulation. This "marriage" realtion is ideally to be one of long-term committment (which often includes economic comingling, long-term shared housing, and long-term shared child care.) Other arragements who attempt these types of committments are often scrutinized to a much greater degree, be that legal or not.
-------------------- So many spankings! It feels so good! But at the same time, I don't care about meeting your family! - I'mNotDedalus: Posts: 3216 | From: Denver, CO | Registered: Dec 2005
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Rhiandmoi
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV
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Ok. Maybe I am just stupid today. But I do not understand what you are trying to say. I mean I understand all the words you are putting out there, and I understand what they mean when they are put together, but I don't understand your point or your meaning.
-------------------- I think that hyperbole is the single greatest factor contributing to the decline of society. - My friend Pat.
quote:Originally posted by Rhiandmoi: Ok. Maybe I am just stupid today. But I do not understand what you are trying to say. I mean I understand all the words you are putting out there, and I understand what they mean when they are put together, but I don't understand your point or your meaning.
No, it's probably me....
I'm trying to say that the marriage structure, in our society, tends to trump any other life arrangement in terms of acceptence, promotion, and fetishization. That it is so very overwhelming in every aspect of our culture that other forms of domestic arrangements are discriminated against and many who might benefit from another form have difficulty finding ways to accomplish that. That the idea of marriage is narrow, and attempts to funnel into one person the roles that might be better filled by several or two dozen.
Let's put it this way. Two of my best and oldest friends are female. A "boston" marriage would suit us well. They've both opined from time to time that they wish they were gay so that we could co-habit and commit our lives to each other. See, the co-habitiation thing being conflated with sex to the exclusion of any other arrangement.
So instead of the platonic domestic relation and having our flings on the side, they (and myself) go from sexual relation to sexual relation looking for one that combines both.
That, too me, is limiting and exclusionary and entirely unimaginative.
-------------------- So many spankings! It feels so good! But at the same time, I don't care about meeting your family! - I'mNotDedalus: Posts: 3216 | From: Denver, CO | Registered: Dec 2005
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So let me see if I understand this. Marriage is bad because it keeps you from experiencing other options? Like having multiple partners. Or traveling around the world.
Is that what you mean? Marriege keeps you from experiencing life?
-------------------- It's like they took a bunch of movies, put them in a blender and turned it on really fast!-Mystery Science Theater 3000 Posts: 2603 | From: Magna, Utah | Registered: Aug 2004
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Rhiandmoi
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV
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I think that might be your problem and not society's though. It might be only me, but I know people that are "grown ups" that continue to cohabitate in platonic relationships where they provide each other with support and companionship and have outside sexual relationships. It's not weird at all. At least not in my circle of friends. Some people do leave the platonic arrangement and choose to cohabitate with their sexual partners, but it's not unusual for the sexual partner to join the otherwise platonic household.
-------------------- I think that hyperbole is the single greatest factor contributing to the decline of society. - My friend Pat.
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Well, I'm one of the reasons people will tell you not to marry young. I met my now-ex in November, we got engaged in March and married in June. My parents had to sign for my marriage certificate. When we went on our honeymoon, we drove cross-country and were too young to go into the casinos in Las Vegas. By the time we grew up some more, we just grew apart. He got bored with sleeping in the same bed every night. We divorced just shy of our 13th anniversary.
Will this happen to you? Who knows? You may be fine (it sounds like you have your priorities in order, FWIW). It's just that there aren't any guarantees. However, I can wish you well and hope everything works out well for you. There is no happily-ever-after, but there can be happy-much-of-the-time. And welcome to the boards, Sharpened Steel and Froggy Mom! (And no, we don't bite. Hard.)
-------------------- "No Biblical hell could ever be worse than the state of perpetual inconsequence." Beatrice in Dangerous Beauty Posts: 1816 | From: Cayuga County, NY | Registered: Nov 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Rhiandmoi: I think that might be your problem and not society's though.
You think that the majority of the population that considers alternative realtions along with marriage?
I'd think if that was the case, you'd have a very, very different cultural landscape (like a section in the paper for "new non-sexual domestic co-habitators" and magazines and such, and movies for kids that end in non-sexual domestic co-habitators, and etc.
-------------------- So many spankings! It feels so good! But at the same time, I don't care about meeting your family! - I'mNotDedalus: Posts: 3216 | From: Denver, CO | Registered: Dec 2005
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quote:Originally posted by VersesBatman: So let me see if I understand this. Marriage is bad because it keeps you from experiencing other options? Like having multiple partners. Or traveling around the world.
Is that what you mean? Marriege keeps you from experiencing life?
I know the question was directed at Ryda, but I'll answer for myself:
By my definition, yes - this is one of the reasons I can't and won't get married. It goes against my core beliefs. Personally, I have a very constraining, negative view of marriage, and while I recognize and respect the validity of other people's marriages, it is an idea/lifestyle I don't personally believe in practicing. Sort of like religion.
-------------------- "There is no constitutional right to sleep with endangered reptiles." -- Carl Hiaasen Won't somebody please think of the adults! Posts: 8254 | From: Florida | Registered: Oct 2002
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quote:Originally posted by VersesBatman: So let me see if I understand this. Marriage is bad because it keeps you from experiencing other options? Like having multiple partners. Or traveling around the world.
Is that what you mean? Marriege keeps you from experiencing life?
No. My point is that marriage should be one of an array of equally acceptable and equally portrayed options to which we are acculturated. However, as it stands, marriage is, without a doubt, the dominant form of domestic arrangement.
-------------------- So many spankings! It feels so good! But at the same time, I don't care about meeting your family! - I'mNotDedalus: Posts: 3216 | From: Denver, CO | Registered: Dec 2005
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posted
Ryda, I still don't understand. Are you saying marriage is a form of domination?
-------------------- It's like they took a bunch of movies, put them in a blender and turned it on really fast!-Mystery Science Theater 3000 Posts: 2603 | From: Magna, Utah | Registered: Aug 2004
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quote:Originally posted by VersesBatman: Ryda, I still don't understand. Are you saying marriage is a form of domination?
Marriage is:
A) The dominant paradigm for domestic relations in our culture by far
and
B) As such, marriage is privilaged above other forms of domestic relations, to the point that those domestic relations are only seriously considered by a very small part of the population, to what I believe is the detriment of many.
-------------------- So many spankings! It feels so good! But at the same time, I don't care about meeting your family! - I'mNotDedalus: Posts: 3216 | From: Denver, CO | Registered: Dec 2005
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posted
So what you mean is that marriage is something people do only because society says it's the thing to do?
-------------------- It's like they took a bunch of movies, put them in a blender and turned it on really fast!-Mystery Science Theater 3000 Posts: 2603 | From: Magna, Utah | Registered: Aug 2004
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. In my defense, I was typing quickly, and I don't hold myself to quite the same standards when posting or chatting on the internet than on formal stuff- it's just like talking, less formal in certain occasions. The important thing is knowing what occasions.
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