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Author Topic: Letters you wish you could send - December 2006
Jocko's Jolly
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Dear DS#1,

I don't know what's gotten into you, but THANK YOU! You are such a joy these days. You do things for me and Daddy without being asked, you're doing what you'ret old, you're not even fighting with me about getting up in the morning for school. Now that the aliens have returned your brother, did they take you in his place? I know we've made a point of telling you this a lot lately, but we are soooo proud of you! Way to pull yourself together and start acting your age!

Love, Mommy

Dear DS#2,

We're gonna get this figured out, buddy. I know it's not all you, there are things going on in your brain that make it harder for you to process stuff. Autism is a scary word, but we're gonna break it down -- first we make sure that's what you've got, then we figure out to what degree, then we work on strategies for everyone around you to interact with you best. Then we help you learn how to go on functioning for the rest of your life. We love you, sweetie, and we always will, NO MATTER WHAT! Keep giving me your sweet smiles, they help me get through the tough days! I know there are a lot of changes ahead for the next several months, and you hate change more than anything, but it really is necessary and for the best. Hang in there with us, kiddo -- we'll all get through it just fine.

Love, Mommy

Dear Baby Cuddle Bug (aka Stinkerbelle),

OK, enough already -- stop fussing and whining at Mommy whenever you don't get your way. You're almost 6 now, you are more than capable of doing certain things (like carrying your backpack) on your own. You can pretend to be a baby whenever you want, but Mommy's not always willing to pretend along with you. I know you want more attention, and I know you hate sharing Mommy, but you're jsut gonna have to get used to it -- your brothers are here to stay. Just because you came into the picture doesn't mean they get booted out. I love you to pieces, I love your girliness, but stop being such a dee-vah! And stop calling me names when you're mad -- Mommy is neither a Stupidhead or an Idiot!! If you keep it up, I will leave you at the dump like DS#1 requested!

Love, Mommy

Dear T,

Thanks for confirming what I suspected, even though it's not the most ideal thing. And for saying we're handling things right. I'll be calling with more questions tonight and, I'm sure, in the future. I know this is what you do, but I still really appreciate it.

Love, K

Dear Snopesters,

Please keep the prayers and vibes coming. Looks like we're all on the same page -- school, counselors, knowledgeable friends who have observed DS#2. He's exhibiting many signs of Autism (of the Asberger's variety), high-functioning apparently, but we're now moving forward on finding someone to properly assess him and work on strategies to help us all cope with him and him with school and social settings. we have a meeting set up with the IEP group on January 16, and the school system can handle any sssessments we can't afford (not sure what, if anything, insurance will cover). It's going to be a long haul, but we're working toward a diagnosis and a solution, so that's a big step in the right direction.

Love, Jocko

--------------------
Like every good third-in-a-series it contains a whole load of ewoks, ‘Clubber’ Lang, whey-faced Sophia Coppola, Sean Connery as the Pirate Captain’s estranged dad, a crappy CGI alien, and Richard Pryor on a donkey. -- Gideon Defoe

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Brillo Bee
Wii Three Kings


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Dear Roadie--

Wow! Congrats!

--Bee

+++++++

Confidential to M--

I promise I won't come down hard on you unless you continue avoiding me. You have to learn to cope, and part of that is learning to face people like me. You can survive it, you just have to talk to me. And I don't bite.

--B

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People do not wish to appear foolish; to avoid the appearance of foolishness, they are willing to remain actually fools. -Alice Walker

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DawnStorm
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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Dear Aunt Flo:
So soon????!!! [Eek!]

Dear gyno--
see you at month's end to discuss this ^ and other things.

--------------------
Leashes?! We don't need no stinking leashes!!

Posts: 4771 | From: The Berkeley of the East Coast: Montgomery County MD | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
TurquoiseGirl
The "Was on Sale" Song


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Dear Roadie:
Well done!

Love,
TGirl

--------------------
There are people who drive really nice cars who feel that [those] cars won't be as special if other people drive them too. Where I come from, we call those people "selfish self-satisfied gits." -Chloe

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Roadie
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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Dear Brillo and TGirl,

Thanks! I just got back from buying size 10 pants. Can't get this smile off my face! [Smile]

Love,

Roadie

--------------------
"The little local company I buy from has CHEAP shipping and I have met their goats." (snapdragonfly)

"And that's one lost erection I'll never get back! You hear me Dan! I'm owed an erection!" (I'mNotDedalus)

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TurquoiseGirl
The "Was on Sale" Song


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Dear Roadie:

Size 10? You totally, supremely and in every other way rock! You are my hero.

Well done, you!

Love
The TGirl whos was supposed to be down to that size by now but is not!

--------------------
There are people who drive really nice cars who feel that [those] cars won't be as special if other people drive them too. Where I come from, we call those people "selfish self-satisfied gits." -Chloe

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Seaboe Muffinchucker
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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TGirl & Roadie: I haven't been a size 10 (except in uber expensive clothes) since I was 12.

And it's nothing to do with weight. [Big Grin]

Seaboe

--------------------
Education is not the filling of a hard drive, but the lighting of a bulb. -- Yeats via Esprise Me

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LadyLockeout
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Dear citizens of my chat site -

You may hate my guts, but I am still the admin. You will respect my authoriteh, or you will suffer the consequences. Since all I'm really asking is that you follow the rules, I don't see why this is so difficult for you.

The admin

--------------------
Katesune: We still can't find the way to albuquerque, and glisp won't stop to ask for directions.
Glisp42: Of course not. I know where I'm going, I just don't know where I am right now

Twisted Links

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Jocko's Jolly
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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quote:
Originally posted by LadyLockeout:
Dear citizens of my chat site -

You may hate my guts, but I am still the admin. You will respect my authoriteh, or you will suffer the consequences. Since all I'm really asking is that you follow the rules, I don't see why this is so difficult for you.

The admin

You totally need the poh-leece uniform, sunglasses and, of course, the Big Wheel. Then go Cartman on their butts!

--------------------
Like every good third-in-a-series it contains a whole load of ewoks, ‘Clubber’ Lang, whey-faced Sophia Coppola, Sean Connery as the Pirate Captain’s estranged dad, a crappy CGI alien, and Richard Pryor on a donkey. -- Gideon Defoe

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mystic burrito
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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Dear Newbie Co-manager in Training,

I know what I am doing. I have worked for this store before. I have worked for this company longer than you, I know this because we are a training store that take in fresh faced BS grads and run them through the program, even if they have never set foot in any of the stores before. I have come back to work the holidays before. The past two years when I have done this, the management has just made me refill out an application (annoying but not a big deal) and take a drug test.

I assumed that would be what I had to do this year. I called over Thanksgiving break, and was told by the front end manager K that that was all I had to do.

Now you called me last Saturday at 4pm to tell me I need to come in and have a copy of my driver license and SS card made and have another drug test taken, because the results of the other had been lost.

OK I'm not blaming you about the results, shit happens. But this was the weekend before finials, and I go to college out of town. I didn't really have the time to drive back home, but I did because I need this job.

So today, the middle of finials week, you call me and ask if I can come in tomorrow, still in finials week, for training. WTF? Has the job of cashiering changed so much in the last 4 months that I need to be retrained? Has the rules of good customer service changed so much that I will make an ass out of myself and piss someone off the first time open my mouth if I don't watch a training video for a few hours? Are you really willing to keep a competent work off the lines when we are having a holiday rush?

Did you even look at my file? I know you have it, it was sitting on your desk when I come up on Saturday. If you had you would have seen record of the service plus awards I won or that I was always in the top 3 for the speed and accuracy on the elms reports.

Did you even bother to talk to the other managers? If you had they could have told you that I was always willing to come in early or on my days off, work late if we were short handed. I know how to open the store in the morning, or close it at night. You didn't really need to question me on my willingness to work. I would not be stupid enough to come back for the holidays and then say "oh by the way I can't work the holiday".

I really hope this is just a misunderstanding and you thought I was a new worker, even though I told you to your face otherwise. If it's not and this is how you are going to treat me, like some dumb kid, then I hope you finish your training soon, and get moved to a new store. If I come back for the summer I really hope I don't have to deal with this again.

Sincerely,
C

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Kitsune26
The First USA Noel


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Dear lady on the bus home,
Thank you.
Before you, I could have cared less about the scent of Emeraude.
Now, I will be forever retching at the faintest whiff
Did it ever cross your mind that common courtesy dictates that you do not bathe in the perfume of your choice if you are going to be riding the bus.
Even commoner courtesy dictates that you do not "refresh" the perfume on a severely crowded bus.
My coat now reeks, and I've got a headache that feels like doom.
~ The person who was almost your conjoined twin-it was that crowded

Dear utter bum-holes at the store,
I am sooooooo sorry that my big ole' butt was in your way at the u-scan, so you decided to try and ram your cart up it.
Seriously, how clueless do you need to be to not see the person bending over and putting groceries in a backpack from several feet away ?
~The short girl in the black peacoat

Dear Gingham,
Love you too fuzz-butt. You made me feel better.
~Your lap with legs

--------------------
I'm as giddy as a Japanese school girl in an octopus tank.

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ChickyBee
Deck the Malls


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Dear self,

Y'know, if we do this properly, we can have both. Just don't get involved as obsessively as you have in the past and everything will be fine.


Dear BBC,

Thank you for your Robin Hood series. I haven't been this enthusiastic or fannish since Smoochy Dreams and that ended five years ago.

Dear World,

Please stop asking when we're going to start trying for the next baby. We haven't even decided if we do want more kids. We're happy with just the three of us for now.
ETA:

Dear NP,

I know you think of the Hatchling & I as your daughter & grandson and believe me, you are definately the mummy figure in my life. But trying to get me to raise my son as a Catholic even though I left the faith many years ago, isn't okay. I will tell him bible stories, but in the same way I'll tell him fairy tales & Greek/Roman/Celtic/Norse myths. And there is no way in hell I'm sending him to a Catholic school.

Chicky

--------------------
So many people are hung up on achievements. What did you do today? What are you planning? Sometimes, just getting through the day is an achievement in itself.

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Rob D / Blackwolf, the yule dodo
Deck the Malls


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quote:
I know you think of the Hatchling & I as your daughter & grandson
Dear ChickyBee.

You've got me stumped. I always assumed the Hatchling was your son, now it turnes out its actually your mom...

I know... I know... [fish]

Your yule dodo

--------------------
~Reality, the refuge of those who fail in RPGs~
aka Darkfist Dragon
-==(UDIC)==-

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Cinnamon
The First USA Noel


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Dear Otis,

*sigh* At least you peeing on the futon isn't as noticeable now I have the throw on it. But you haven't done that for weeks!. So what was up with last night? You were really weird all evening, staying in the cage even though the door was open, hopping around cautiously like there was something you weren't expecting around the place, then you flip out and go running up and down the futon leaving crap in your wake and finally peeing on it. Now bunny poo is easy to deal with, that I wasn't too fussed about. BUt did you really have to pee on it?

And this morning you're back to normal. So what was that all about?

Your confused food provider.

--------------------
My blog - a continuing obsession with my weight plus much randomness
My opinions on books, music, and other stuff

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NeeCD
Happy Holly Days


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Dear Chickybee,

Is this a new Robin Hood? I love well-done Robin Hood stories. I even love sort of well done ones. OK, OK, I admit it, I even love corny, campy, Mel Brooks Robin Hoods. I'm a fan, what can I say? [Big Grin]

--------------------
I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.
What does "Bookachow", "YOMANK!" and other lingo mean?

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ChickyBee
Deck the Malls


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quote:
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I know you think of the Hatchling & I as your daughter & grandson
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear ChickyBee.

You've got me stumped. I always assumed the Hatchling was your son, now it turnes out its actually your mom...

I know... I know...

Your yule dodo

Dear Rob,

I am a [dunce] [Big Grin]

That'll learn me for not proof reading.


Dear NeeCD,

Yup!! I have no idea when its on - my viewing comes courtesy of torrentspy. It's... well, ... if you don't take it too seriously, it's a fun way to spend an hour. And... well... Robin's rather cute.

Chicky 'crushing like a teenage schoolgirl' Bee

--------------------
So many people are hung up on achievements. What did you do today? What are you planning? Sometimes, just getting through the day is an achievement in itself.

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Em
Happy Holly Days


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Dear $2 shop with the nice Christmas ribbon,

Do you really think that the fluffy pink handcuffs with "Love Cuffs... Stay close to the one you love" written on them belong in the toy section?

Just asking.

- A confused ribbon-buyer.




Dear other shop without the nice ribbon,

I have got to say that that sudoku toilet paper is the best idea I've seen all week. This year, everyone I know is getting a roll.

- The crazy woman who was laughing in aisle 2.

--------------------
What the NFBSK does YOMANK mean?

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ChickyBee
Deck the Malls


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Dear Em,


WHERE? I want me some.

Chicky

--------------------
So many people are hung up on achievements. What did you do today? What are you planning? Sometimes, just getting through the day is an achievement in itself.

Posts: 256 | From: Melbourne, Australia | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Em
Happy Holly Days


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Dear ChickyBee,

The cuffs or the toilet paper? They're both in Forest Hill shopping centre, but in different shops.

- Em.

--------------------
What the NFBSK does YOMANK mean?

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ChickyBee
Deck the Malls


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Dear Em,

No problem - I'm heading down there tomorrow anyway to finish Christmas shopping, so I'll probably be in both of them anyway.

Sounds like we're almost neighbours.

Chicky

--------------------
So many people are hung up on achievements. What did you do today? What are you planning? Sometimes, just getting through the day is an achievement in itself.

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IlGreven, Swan a-Swimmin'
Grandma Got Run Over by a Rain Check


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Dear gut:

Please untie yourself. She's just an actress. Just because I have a crush on her doesn't mean you should start the adrenaline rush on the mere prospect of lookin' at her.

Signed,

Your thoroughly giddy brain.

Edit: Oh, what a way to waste yer 500th post. (At the rate I'm going it'll be 2010 before I get to my 1,000th...)

--------------------
A gigantic force on the 'Net, and even BIGGER in person.

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glass papaya
Jingle Bell Hock


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Dear property assessor in my town,

You, sir, are an evil evil man. Treating people like they are the village idiot is not a good way to uphold your ridiculous property assessments. Berating little old ladies who have lived in their homes for 50 years for not having a recent sale contract to prove the value of their homes is just mean.

I will win. The appraisal I paid for is only 4 months old, and you never visited my home to assess it. I don't know how you arrived at such an inflated value, since I don't even recall you driving by. Interesting, that. Many people claim you never visited their properties. I have documents, you have none. So there.

I sincerely hope you get what is coming to you at the Board of Review tomorrow night. There will be complaints, I assure you.

gp

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Lydia Oh Lydia
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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quote:
Originally posted by glass papaya:
Dear property assessor in my town,

You, sir, are an evil evil man. Treating people like they are the village idiot is not a good way to uphold your ridiculous property assessments. Berating little old ladies who have lived in their homes for 50 years for not having a recent sale contract to prove the value of their homes is just mean.

I will win. The appraisal I paid for is only 4 months old, and you never visited my home to assess it. I don't know how you arrived at such an inflated value, since I don't even recall you driving by. Interesting, that. Many people claim you never visited their properties. I have documents, you have none. So there.

I sincerely hope you get what is coming to you at the Board of Review tomorrow night. There will be complaints, I assure you.

gp

Dear glass papaya,

I appealed an assessment on my former home a few years ago. At least where I lived, they didn't base the assessment on my actual home, but on estimates based on the sale prices of homes around me. So, I pointed out everything that was "wrong" with my house in order to get a lower assessment. I also found out that they had the wrong information (my basement was not fully finished, I did not have 4 bedrooms, and a couple of other things).

Good luck with your appeal.

--------------------
"My name is the symbol for my identity and must not be lost." Motto of the Lucy Stone League.

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UrbanReindeer
Deck the Malls


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Dear Rose Parade Organizers,

Zomgz! Squee! George Lucas!!!!!11eleventy-one! A Stormtrooper, Jedi, and Darth Vader marching band!! Thank you for making my first year in Pasadena that much more memorable.

Love,
A new person who will be camping on the sidewalk along Colorado this year.

--------------------
"He feeds the sparrows of the field, but He doesn't sit there and cram worms into their mouths." -- Mouse

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Lainie
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Dear Co-Workers,

While standing in line for the complimentary holiday buffet, please remember that the area in which the line forms is a hallway. It should continue to function as a hallway even while you are standing in line. The hallway is just wide enough for two people to pass under normal conditions. If you will simply line up single file, rather than two abreast, people can pass the line to get down the hall. Thank you.

Lainie, who needs to get down that hall to get the bathroom

--------------------
How homophobic do you have to be to have penguin gaydar? - Lewis Black

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Froggy Mom
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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Not so dear Aunt A,

Why do you hate me? Nobody else in your family hates me. You have made it ABUNDANTLY clear that you liked dh's first wife more than you do me. Get over the past already! They have both moved on and have new families. They are HAPPY.
Dh DOES have to work Christmas Eve and no, I will NOT drag my happy butt 3 hours away with four kids and nobody else to help in a dodgy van just to have sandwiches with you.
Lastly, if you think it's MY responsibility to get my kids the things they need, then why the NFBSK did you ask me what the needed?!

Sincerely,
Your nephew's flustered wife

Edited because I don't even know how to draggy

Posts: 24 | From: Colorado | Registered: Dec 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
TurquoiseGirl
The "Was on Sale" Song


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Dear Boutros,
It seems, somehow over the past week, that we have made up a new game to play in the morning. It is fun, and I love to see you smile. I realize that there is the added benefit of "Well, I'm awake now. We might as well go for a walk!"

Thanks for constantly coming up with new ways to make me laugh. I know we joke about you being a big dumb dog, but you are actually very smart!

You are, however, still a big goofy dog.

Much love,
Mommy

--------------------
There are people who drive really nice cars who feel that [those] cars won't be as special if other people drive them too. Where I come from, we call those people "selfish self-satisfied gits." -Chloe

Posts: 6995 | From: New Mexico | Registered: Oct 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
tribrats
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Dear "Ben",

My Mom is not a chump. I have warned her about predators like you. Your biggest mistake was telling her that you talked to her 3 years ago online. She has only had internet for 1 1/2 years. Contact her again and I will be the one chatting with you. Lets see how you like the games I play. If you really knew Mom you wouldn't have to ask her where she lives.

Signed Me

--------------------
Snopes is moving! Here's snopes' announcement.
Come here to re-register!

Posts: 2448 | From: New Hampshire | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Mistletoey Chloe
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Dear TGirl,

I know what you mean about goofy dog joy. Last night Twm Kitten was in the kitchen with me and Buddy, and he leapt onto the counter and then onto the top of the fridge. Buddy gave me this amazed look that said "OMG! I didn't even know you could *DO* that!" I was falling about laughing.

Chloe

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~~Ai am in mai prrrrrraime!~~

Posts: 10111 | From: Oklahoma | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
TurquoiseGirl
The "Was on Sale" Song


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Dear Chloe:

One of the charms of the big goofy dogs is that life is always amazing for them. For the Boutros, snow is always the most amazing substance. Which is especially funny considering he is part St. Bernard.

He also thinks rats (in Petsmart, mind you) are fascinating. He looks at Guinea pigs, however, like they would make a very nice meal.


Which reminds me, it is time for the annual picture of the Boutros with the reindeer antlers!

TGirl

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There are people who drive really nice cars who feel that [those] cars won't be as special if other people drive them too. Where I come from, we call those people "selfish self-satisfied gits." -Chloe

Posts: 6995 | From: New Mexico | Registered: Oct 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Lainie
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Dear TGirl,

Interestingly, my cats have displayed a similar reaction to guinea pigs, although they completely ignore rats (we babysat a pair of each once). I'm not sure why guinea pigs look so much tastier -- perhaps just because they're plumper.

Lainie

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How homophobic do you have to be to have penguin gaydar? - Lewis Black

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nurple
We Three Blings


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Dear TGirl,

Please, please, please post that picture of The Boutros with reindeer antlers! That would so make my day!

~nurple

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"You better respect the Rap or the Rap won't respect you." Ledatru

Posts: 1141 | From: Chicago, IL | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Hero_Mike
Happy Holly Days


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Dear nurple,

Reindeer antlers on a dog are simply, undignified. The Boutros himself will tell you that, or rather, his expression will. Kind of like the look he has when he gets in the bath.

Well, I'm here now, and I'll sit still until I'm clean, but I still don't have to like it.

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"The fate of *billions* depends on you! Hahahahaha....sorry." Lord Raiden - Mortal Kombat

Posts: 1587 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
TurquoiseGirl
The "Was on Sale" Song


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Dear Nurple,

I will if I can get them to stay on long enough to snap the picture.

TGirl

Dear Lainie,
It was so odd. He looked at the cages of rats like he does little dogs "cute" ears, a smile on his face, and tail going about a million miles and hour. I think if one of them looked at him right, he would have done a play bow.

But he looked at the guinea pigs the way he does cats. Ears down, flat against his head. ready to spring into action.

Perhaps the guinea pigs look more like wolf prey?

TGirl

ETA:
Dear Hero_Mike,

Sucking up to the Boutros by protesting the annual reindeer ears ritual will not, I repeat, not convince him to come live with you.

Now if you throw in some cheese, perhaps...

Nice try,

TGirl

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There are people who drive really nice cars who feel that [those] cars won't be as special if other people drive them too. Where I come from, we call those people "selfish self-satisfied gits." -Chloe

Posts: 6995 | From: New Mexico | Registered: Oct 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Mistletoey Chloe
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Dear TGirl,

Perhaps he is confusing them with gerbils and wondering how something that size can fit up Richard Gere's bottom?

Helpfully,

Chloe

Dear Student who emailed me right after the test,

1. My title is not "Ms."
2. I do not grade for "effort."
3. Your letter is not going to persuade me to "consider giving [you] a C in the class." That is not how it works.

But do have that wonderful break you wished me so sincerely.

Dr. Chloe

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~~Ai am in mai prrrrrraime!~~

Posts: 10111 | From: Oklahoma | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
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