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Author Topic: Letters you wish you could send - December 2006
Roadie
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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Dear TGirl -

Something tells me that if you asked nicely, H_M would gladly send you a picture of his tush. Especially in exchange for one of your...dog's tush. [Wink]

Love, Roadie

P.S. Promise you'll share if I'm right. Please? [Smile]

--------------------
"The little local company I buy from has CHEAP shipping and I have met their goats." (snapdragonfly)

"And that's one lost erection I'll never get back! You hear me Dan! I'm owed an erection!" (I'mNotDedalus)

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TurquoiseGirl
The "Was on Sale" Song


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Dear Roadie,

I am really afraid that H_M is going to view this as a challenge now. I also happen to know that he recently acquired a scanner. I feel that no good will come out of the combination.

But perhaps the request for public display will make the inevitable more evitable?

Love,
TGirl

--------------------
There are people who drive really nice cars who feel that [those] cars won't be as special if other people drive them too. Where I come from, we call those people "selfish self-satisfied gits." -Chloe

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IlGreven, Swan a-Swimmin'
Grandma Got Run Over by a Rain Check


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Dear brain:

What. The. NFBSK.

I just get done getting my knot untied over her, and you've now gotta broadcast her in my head twenty-four/seven?

I mean, yeah, she's a pleasant sight, but she's an eyeworm. And it's tiring me out and driving me up the wall. Stop it, please!

Your worn-out but still giddy body.

Dear snopesters,

In case you're curious, this is my current eyeworm.

--------------------
A gigantic force on the 'Net, and even BIGGER in person.

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Loyhargil
We Three Blings


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quote:
Originally posted by IlGreven, Swan a-Swimmin':
Dear brain:

What. The. NFBSK.

I just get done getting my knot untied over her, and you've now gotta broadcast her in my head twenty-four/seven?

I mean, yeah, she's a pleasant sight, but she's an eyeworm. And it's tiring me out and driving me up the wall. Stop it, please!

Your worn-out but still giddy body.

Dear snopesters,

In case you're curious, this is my current eyeworm.

Omigosh, the chick from BEAKMAN'S WORLD!!!! I love her!

And to reveal my geekness, no, I did not yet have children when I happily devoured that show.

--------------------
Bender: Oh cruel fate, to be thusly boned. Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee.

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Jocko's Jolly
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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quote:
Originally posted by DawnStorm:
Dear George Ishkabibbleoff:
Who the hell are you and why will you not leave a message with my husband when you call? [Confused] You must be trying to scam us--well it won't work! How the hell did you get my UNLISTED number anyway???

There are some autodialer-type machines that will just randomly dial a set of numbers until they get an answer, then store that number. I agree, sounds like a scam. If he calls again, tell him not to call back.

--------------------
Like every good third-in-a-series it contains a whole load of ewoks, ‘Clubber’ Lang, whey-faced Sophia Coppola, Sean Connery as the Pirate Captain’s estranged dad, a crappy CGI alien, and Richard Pryor on a donkey. -- Gideon Defoe

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TrishDaDish
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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Dear life,

Just when things were slightly on keel, this latest crud. Ok, the car's crapped out last Thursday and we've had to use the bus route to do grocery shopping over the course of a few days. Luckily, people at Ma's job are nice enough to give her rides (as the bus doesn't go that way), so she still has a job. Our neighbors (a.k.a. The Flanders) have been graceous enough to take our trash to the dump with theirs while we're carless. I even started getting my rebate checks from HP and Office Max for the computer/monitor/printer I bought in October.

So thanks alot for Greep being back in the hospital. Dammit.

-TrishDaDish
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Greep,

You stupid, stupid, stubborn man. When you are bleeding, and bleeding all day, the correct thing to do is call an ambulance to take you to the hospital. At the very least, call your doctor! The incorrect thing to do is sit with it all day, saying to yourself that you "can tough it out and wait to see how it goes". When you called and asked Ma if she could bring you to the hospital at 5 PM, you must've been in tremendous pain, since you forgot we haven't had a bloody car all week, and won't have it fixed (God willing) until sometime in January. Big surprise Ma told you to call a nfbsking ambulance if you knew what's best for you. (Incidentally, I spoke with your neighbor across the street today, who said you called pretty much after you spoke with us to bum a ride. Which was impossible, as they were somewhere in Providence at the time, an her husband told you the same damned thing: CALL A NFBSKING AMBULANCE!!!!)

So now you're in the hospital for another all nighter with a fever of 101° and possibly a slight case of colitis (we won't know until the colonoscopy, which, at the time of this writing, was supposed to happen hours ago). I wonder how much better you would've been if you weren't so damned pigheaded and called for an ambulance when all this started, instead of thinking the bleeding will just magically stop and you'd be instantly cured. Eedjit.

-Your stressed out granddaughter
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Lee,

Please buy a new computer, possibly one from the past 20 years. I'm sick of your complaining that it can't do anything simple like play flash, when you clearly have enough money to get a new computer. I can't keep doing every single errand for you, dang it, I'm not online as much as I used to lately.

-Pat
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear XP Narrator,

I'm having fun typing swears and hearing a robot voice say them. I think I need a little juvenile behavior to keep me from going over the edge. (Why won't you read anything online, though? Your Help section doesn't say!)

- Trish "It pronounces it 'Nif Bee Ess King', btw" DaDish

--------------------
I would prefer not to.
My blog

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IlGreven, Swan a-Swimmin'
Grandma Got Run Over by a Rain Check


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quote:
Originally posted by Loyhargil:
Omigosh, the chick from BEAKMAN'S WORLD!!!! I love her!

And to reveal my geekness, no, I did not yet have children when I happily devoured that show.

Well, hey, glad I found someone who recognized her (and actually liked her in Beakman's World... 'sides me of course [Smile] )

--------------------
A gigantic force on the 'Net, and even BIGGER in person.

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TrishDaDish
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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Forgot to add:

Dear Wendy's,

You don't carry the chicken strips combo anymore?! That's all I ever ate there! They were yummy! And filling! And...and...and...

***Starts breaking down crying***

--------------------
I would prefer not to.
My blog

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LittleDuck
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Dear Knee,
I know I whacked you somewhere this morning (though I can't actually remember the logistics of it, I know it happened) and I apologize for that, really. Could you please stop hurting so bad?

Thanks
-Your Body Owner


Dear SO,
I don't care how often you try to tell me this, saying, "I might as well go kill myself," or a variation of it, is NOT NORMAL with regards to being upset with a videogame. It isn't normal in any regard. You can tell me you're not serious, you can tell me it's sarcasm or frustration or whatever. I know your past history and I do NOT take it as a joke. Don't get pissed at me for suggesting you take a break then if the game is making you that mad. Don't get pissed at me for thinking that, you know, saying you're going to go shoot yourself might mean something more than just a sarcastic rant about being pissed.

Oh, and NFBSK OFF for the way you have been treating me since you started this evil medicine. Yea, I know mood changes are a side effect. I don't have to like it and I don't have to take it.

-Duck

--------------------
"Silly customer, you cannot hurt a Twinkie." -Apu (The Simpsons)

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Barbara
Layaway in a Manger


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quote:
Originally posted by TurquoiseGirl:
I am really afraid that H_M is going to view this as a challenge now. I also happen to know that he recently acquired a scanner. I feel that no good will come out of the combination.

Dear TG,

I would suggest you get that photo rather quickly, lest you're willing to settle for one my boot so far up his arse that he can taste leather.

Barbara "ana knows footware, I know footwhere" Mikkelson

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tribrats
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Dear mommy2many & G,

You guys rock! The computer is perfect! The kids are tickled. Now I need to teach them how to surf the 'net.

--------------------
Snopes is moving! Here's snopes' announcement.
Come here to re-register!

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Baikal
Happy Holly Days


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From an E-mail I dearly want to hit "Send Message" on.

quote:
Dear Altec Lansing,

Hi!

I just figured I'd dash off this note to you, since I have a minute to spare. I was planning on using it for sleeping, after I got off work today, but this seems to have been a bad idea. Hold on, let me get an Advil... there we go.

Anyway, I just thought you should know how pleased I am with the undocumented feature on the VS-2121 speaker system causing it to act as a "cell phone detecter," emitting a loud, obnoxious buzz from the subwoofer whenever anyone uses a cordless phone in my vicinity. Since a web search reveals numerous people complimenting Altec Lansing on their choice to include such functionality, meaning it's not just my particular set, I presume this was intentional. In which case, kudos.

If someone is trying to talk on a cordless phone, well, by jove I want my speakers to produce a sound like a man taking a chainsaw to a porcelain toilet in alarm at this heinous act. In fact, it is a very useful thing, and I admit that I will be gravely disappointed if the set of replacement speakers I buy tomorrow, which will coincidentally not be made by Altec Lansing, lack in this department.

Yours truly,
Alex Osaki, former customer

Similarly.

Dear University of Colorado,

Yes, I absolutely agree that scheduling a final examination at 7:30 in the morning on Saturday is a Good Idea. Another Good Idea would be you all going to hell. For ever.

-Baikal

--------------------
I'm just a typical American boy from a typical American town.

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Ms. Kringle
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Dear NFBSKers Shopping At The Mall,

You all suck. Stop trying to shove me out of your way so you can get That Perfect Gift of Craptacular Proportions that will STILL BE THERE if you politely say, "excuse me" and wait for me to get out of the way.

If you shove me again, I will trip you. I swear to DOYC, I will. And then I might just laugh.

No Love,
Ms. K
-------------------------
Dear Nice Man At Wal-Mart,

Thank you! I had no problem waiting for the keys to the video game case, you were very nice about it, and you had no problem telling the pushy bitch who decided she haaaaaad to haaaaaave six different XBox games RIGHT NOW that you were helping another customer, and she'd just have to wait a minute until the other guy could get the keys from you.

I made sure to tell the electronics manager that I appreciated not being made to wait for someone who decided that jumping the line was her God-given RIGHT.

Thank you, Mr. K will enjoy Destroy All Humans 2!

Holiday Love,
Ms. K

--------------------
Beware corporate zombies! They will purchase your brain on E-Bay!

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Noemi
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Dear self,

Yes it sucks to come back home from vacation but thee's no reasn to gt all mopey about it. I got almost nothing done this afternoon because of that it it's only going to make the next few days stressful.

Me

--------------------
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
My blog, no guarantees about witty or intelligent content. My current projects.
Coveted Beads <---- our eBay store, new items being added somewhat regularly

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Jinxie
The First USA Noel


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Dear Baikal

Your U of C made me laugh out loud. I am sorry you have to get up early that sucks.

Jinxie

****************

No so Dear Nfbsk in front of me at Walmart,

There was absolutly no reason for you to roll your eyes and talk trash to your husband in front of me. Did you think that I wouldn't notice? I did. And I called you on it. Yeah I was being loud and animated. I just got the hottest toy out there for my 2 year old. I have been looking EVERYWHERE for a Tickle me elmo. SO yeah I was acting silly in the store. I was talking to my mom and I was super excited. So after I loudly told my mom that I was getting dirty looks in the store you wouldn't look at me anymore. Guess what it doesn't hurt my feelings at all. Oh and I hope you know what I really meant when I said "You have a great night" as you walked off. I really meant it.

The woman who started setting elmo off after she noticed you being a NFBSK!

*********************

Dear older sons,

Dont show the TMX to littlest bro or Daddy ok. It will be a great suprise for both of them.

Momma

**************

Dear youngest brother,

Please wait at least a month before you swich who you love. Mommy had to Run (really) through the store while oldest brother chased her thinking she had lost her ever loving mind.

Momma

*********************

Dear DYOC

Thank you for telling me to go to Walmart on the friday night 10 days before Christmas!

***********************

Dear walmart

Thank you for not waiting 20 more minutes. I would have been gone already!

--------------------
Go Jimmie Go! This is your year!

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Jinxie
The First USA Noel


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Dear Ms. Kringle,

I didn't go near the game section, It wasn't me I swear!!

Jinxie

--------------------
Go Jimmie Go! This is your year!

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Jenn
Layaway in a Manger


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Dear snopesters,

Am I the only suspecting a new romance brewing?

Jenn

--------------------
"You're the opposite of troll. It's a compliment!"

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Ms. Kringle
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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quote:
Originally posted by Jinxie:
Dear Ms. Kringle,

I didn't go near the game section, It wasn't me I swear!!

Jinxie

Dear Jinxie,

I kinda figured, there's not a TMX Elmo to be had at a Wal-Mart near me!

Oh, and the woman whinging about how she haaaaaaad to haaaaaave alllllll six XBox games RIIIIIGHT NOOOOWWWWWWWWW didn't really make her case. She got really, really pissed off that the poor man had the NERVE to assist the customer that asked for his help FIRST! Oh, I'm so sorry, lady, I didn't realize that we'd elected you Queen of the World, and you come first from here on out!

ARRRRRGH.

My new mantra? "Everyone else is getting a gift card, everyone else is getting a gift card." I have the rest of Mr. K's faaaaaamily to shop for, and our family gift (we are getting a DVD/VCR combo and a copy of Pirates of the Carribbean Dead Man's Chest, and maybe some board games, too), and a couple of other things for Mr. K and Young Miss K.

But Mr. K's family is just getting gift cards. And they can like it or shut the hell up about it, I don't care which one.

Much Sympathy From A Fellow Holiday Shopper,
Ms. K

P.S. Sounds like you ran into the Snotty XBox Game Woman's Texas twin. Lucky you.

--------------------
Beware corporate zombies! They will purchase your brain on E-Bay!

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Ms. Kringle
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Damn it, I forgot this one:

Dear Jenn,

I have my own suspicions. This could be great fun to watch!

Ms. K

--------------------
Beware corporate zombies! They will purchase your brain on E-Bay!

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Cinnamon
The First USA Noel


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Dear R,

Thank you for sending me a Christmas card, it was really sweet of you. Signing it "All my love" gave me a warm glow for a moment or two as well.

Of course, if you had bothered making any kind of contact since the middle of October it might have raised more of a smile. As it is, I'm in full on grinch mode this morning with the knowledge I have to venture into the hell that is the town centre a couple of Saturdays before Christmas. If you reply to my text before the end of the day I may rethink my overly cynical response.

Merry Christmas to you too.

C.

~~~~

Dear Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo,

Thanks for writing He's just not that into you. It has proved very helpful for my general mindset over the last year. It has also, however, ratcheted my natural cynicism up a couple of points, which possibly isn't always a good thing.

Cinnamon

~~~~
ETA:

Dear Otis,

Stop eating the CDs.

C.

--------------------
My blog - a continuing obsession with my weight plus much randomness
My opinions on books, music, and other stuff

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Loony
Deck the Malls


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Dear Self,

Get moving, put your shoes on and go to work already. You don't know how much longer the OT will hold out, going in today will mean $$ after Christmas and who doesn't love a bit of extra cash then ? Exactly and with the orthodontic (sp?) work that is upcoming you will regret it if you don't take advantage of it.

Move !

Love,

Me

--------------------
Avoid scattering your energies - advice from a fortune cookie.

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Canuckistan
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by Noemi:
Dear self,

Yes it sucks to come back home from vacation but thee's no reasn to gt all mopey about it. I got almost nothing done this afternoon because of that it it's only going to make the next few days stressful.

Dear Noemi

It's normal to grieve for something good that's come to an end. Mope all you want, but remember the good times.

Conversely, go on another vacation. Either works.

Canuck

--------------------
People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

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Hazed
We Three Blings


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Dear Wendy's:

I am really going to miss you. You were my favorite fast food place in town, (hell, you were one of the only fast food places in town), and now you are burning to the ground as I type this. Although I think it's pretty spooky you burn down now when I just at dinner there last night. Oh, well, maybe it's a good thing since I won't be able to have you for a long time. I just hope no one was hurt. RIP.

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Gibbie
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


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Dear Jenn,
Oh no, I've been suspecting that for a little while now. At this rate, snopes could start charging as a dating service. [Smile]

Gibbie

--------------------
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

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Canuckistan
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by Jenn:
Dear snopesters,

Am I the only suspecting a new romance brewing?

Was this a cheap shot at me and my pathetic love life?

No?

Never mind, then. [Razz]

--------------------
People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

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Ana Ng
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by Barbara:
Barbara "ana knows footware, I know footwhere" Mikkelson

...and boots up the ass are so hot right now!

quote:
...Am I the only suspecting a new romance brewing?
Where where where?! I wanna know!

--------------------
My great grandfather planted that tree!

Posts: 4862 | From: Brooklyn | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Jenn
Layaway in a Manger


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quote:
Originally posted by Ms. Kringle:
Dear Jenn,

I have my own suspicions. This could be great fun to watch!

Ms. K

Fun if you're into that kind of thing, I guess. It'll be at least the fourth time I'll have seen it on these boards, though, and I can't say it was all that fun to watch the previous times. But then, the whole twittering and dropping hints and guessing games and squeeing is simply not to my taste. To each his or her own.

quote:
quote:
...Am I the only suspecting a new romance brewing?
Where where where?! I wanna know!
Right here in this thread with a few hints and clues taken from other threads. If I'm right, I expect they either want people to figure it out (in which case they'll be delighted at people speculating) or they want to keep it under wraps for now but don't realize how transparent they're looking to some of us (which case they should be aware of how transparent they are and should work a little harder and keeping it to themselves).

--------------------
"You're the opposite of troll. It's a compliment!"

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Signora Del Drago
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


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My, my, my, aren't we all the suspicious ones? [Wink] Is there something in the water here at snopes? [Confused] [Big Grin]

--------------------
"This air we're breathing. Oxygen, isn't it?"~I’mNotDedalus, impersonating Vincent D’Onofrio.|"Sometimes trying to communicate can be like walking through a minefield."~wanderwoman
"Give people a break. It's not easy doing a life."~Joshua Halberstam

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Noemi
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by Canuckistan:
Dear Noemi

It's normal to grieve for something good that's come to an end. Mope all you want, but remember the good times.

Conversely, go on another vacation. Either works.

Canuck

As much as I'd like to go with the second suggestion my co-workers would likely kill me, so I'll just mope a bit and remember the fun while I do housework.

Noemi

--------------------
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
My blog, no guarantees about witty or intelligent content. My current projects.
Coveted Beads <---- our eBay store, new items being added somewhat regularly

Posts: 8418 | From: Wyoming | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Ana Ng
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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Noemi, do you get a whole mess of days off for the holidays?

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My great grandfather planted that tree!

Posts: 4862 | From: Brooklyn | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Noemi
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by Ana Ng:
Noemi, do you get a whole mess of days off for the holidays?

Not really. We get Christmas and New Year's Day off so I'll have two three day weekends in a row off.

Noemi

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Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
My blog, no guarantees about witty or intelligent content. My current projects.
Coveted Beads <---- our eBay store, new items being added somewhat regularly

Posts: 8418 | From: Wyoming | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
have yourself a Merry Little Galaxy
The First USA Noel


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Dear silly woman next door,

clearly you moved into this neighbourhood because the property prices are relatively inexpensive. You certainly didn't for the ambiance. If you actually enjoyed living in the relative quiet of the mountain, you wouldn't feel the need to play music loud enough to be heard four houses away, on a Sunday afternoon. Our other neighbours have had parties yet they've never cranked it up quite that loud. But since yours is the only car in your driveway, you're not partying.

Oh, and we noticed that the water-cartage guy has come over again. Either you're having an affair with him, or you've run out of water. Again. Let me remind you that it doesn't grow naturally in your tank. We haven't had much rain, true, but what rain we do get won't go anywhere if you don't bother cleaning your gutters.

LG.

PS: I hope that your son is with his dad this weeekend. I couldn't imagine a mother who'd want to ruin her child's hearing so soon.

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I love a sunburnt country, a land of sweeping plains - that's why I live in Melbourne, where it always bloody rains.

Posts: 632 | From: Melbourne, Australia | Registered: Nov 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
LadyLockeout
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Dear David Caruso -

You're yummy. Will you visit me in my dreams again tonight? Thanks! [Big Grin]

Adoring fan

Dear DH -

Honey, he's a tv actor. He's not going to barge into our apartment and whisk me off to dinner. ( [Frown] ) So kindly let me have my little fantasy crush. I don't mind when you say you'd "do" a tv actress! Geez!

Your wife.

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Katesune: We still can't find the way to albuquerque, and glisp won't stop to ask for directions.
Glisp42: Of course not. I know where I'm going, I just don't know where I am right now

Twisted Links

Posts: 2599 | From: Texas | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Kitsune26
The First USA Noel


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Dear NFBSKrons last night,
Thanks for hucking the box of shoes out your speeding car window last night.
At me.
The shoes aren't exactly my style ( I like a bit more heel), but they are nice, and they are comfy.
I still can't figure out what it was that you yelled at me though.
Or why you wanted to huck $30 shoes out a car window in a manner that suggest you were actually trying to hit me with them.
~Love,
The young woman walking home.
P.S. I suppose I shouldbe extremely grateful it wasn't a litter of kittens like I initially thought.

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I'm as giddy as a Japanese school girl in an octopus tank.

Posts: 641 | From: Portland, Oregon | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Roadie
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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Dear Kitsune,

Try as I might, the closest correlation I could come up with between what you thought they threw and what they actually threw was a pair of shoes with kitten heels.

Confused,

Roadie

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"The little local company I buy from has CHEAP shipping and I have met their goats." (snapdragonfly)

"And that's one lost erection I'll never get back! You hear me Dan! I'm owed an erection!" (I'mNotDedalus)

Posts: 2658 | From: California | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
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