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Author Topic: Letters you wish you could send - December 2006
Ryda Wong, EBfCo.
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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Dear T-Girl:

You should let him look at the chinchillas! Jake-dog found them fascinating.

Petsmart: It's an amusement park for dogs.

Yours truly,

Ryda

--------------------
So many spankings! It feels so good! But at the same time, I don't care about meeting your family! - I'mNotDedalus:

Posts: 3216 | From: Denver, CO | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
TurquoiseGirl
The "Was on Sale" Song


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Dear Ryda,

We are out of both poop bags and nearly out of dog food.

We will definitely check out the chinchillas!

Thanks for the tip.

Best,
TGirl (and a woof from the Boutros).

--------------------
There are people who drive really nice cars who feel that [those] cars won't be as special if other people drive them too. Where I come from, we call those people "selfish self-satisfied gits." -Chloe

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Nick Theodorakis
We Three Blings


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quote:
Originally posted by TurquoiseGirl:
... He looks at Guinea pigs, however, like they would make a very nice meal.
...

That's because they would.

Nick

--------------------
Don't forget to register for the New ULMB.

Announcement here

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Brillo Bee
Wii Three Kings


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Dear Dr. Chloe--

I feel your pain. I get called "Mrs. Bee" all the time, which is one title that is definitely NOT true. Actually, this year I have had one student repeatedly call me "Mrs. Notmylastnameatall," which is even more puzzling.

--Dr. Bee

++++++++++++

Dear kitties,

Mommy'll be home soon. Sorry! Teh ebil students are causing me to stay late, but I'll be home by 6 to feed you.

And Brucie, please just let your tummy get better overnight-- I am afraid if you get sicker I'll have to stay here all alone for Christmas. I know you don't know about my family, but some of them would be very confused and all of them would be very sad if I didn't get to come home. If it's the food, would you please just tell me which brand of food to buy you? I'll buy you any kind you want, I just don't have time for trial and error right now. And next time, would you please decide the food isn't right for you while we're still on the 5 lb bag trial period instead of waiting until I start buying in bulk?

Another thing, sweetie-- it would have helped if you could have gotten sick earlier (when there were spots available in kennels) or later (when we could have done the "watch and wait" period over Christmas). Your auntie T will come visit you while I'm gone but I just can't ask her to take care of a kitten who needs to be fed special food 4 times a day. So please just get better so I can let Auntie T take care of you and I can visit my family. Please?

Mommy

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People do not wish to appear foolish; to avoid the appearance of foolishness, they are willing to remain actually fools. -Alice Walker

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Brillo Bee
Wii Three Kings


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Dear Boutros,

I don't blame you. MapleLeaf claims to be a vegetarian, and even he has a hard time resisting the temptation that is the guinea pig!

Bee

ETFix link

--------------------
People do not wish to appear foolish; to avoid the appearance of foolishness, they are willing to remain actually fools. -Alice Walker

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TurquoiseGirl
The "Was on Sale" Song


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Dear Everyone,
I know someone here on the boards who has actually eaten guinea pig.

He also keeps trying to steal my dog.

TGirl

Dear Drs Chloe and Bee,

I have been in situations were the following have been introduced "Dr. X, Dr. Y and TGirl".

Evidently, that second X chromosome totally wipes out that degree.

Your friend
Dr. Turquoise

--------------------
There are people who drive really nice cars who feel that [those] cars won't be as special if other people drive them too. Where I come from, we call those people "selfish self-satisfied gits." -Chloe

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Victoria J
Jingle Bell Hock


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Dear Self,

Calm down and get some sleep. Life is stressful at the moment but getting into this state just makes it worse.

Forgetting to pick up your keys before going out and shutting the front door was NOT clever. And locking youself on your own path so you had to climb a 6 foot high gate to get out, get your father to bring his set of your keys (which didn't include the gate) to your work, and having to climb back over the gate after returning late from the office Christmas meal has not made life any better.

My arms are bruised and aching and my ankle is bleeding from getting back over the gate, and I spent at least 5 minutes stuck on top of it.

You need to get fitter. At one point the only thing keeping me from getting over that gate was trying to get my stomach over...

But it is good to be resilient and stubborn. You will survive the current stress. And even if you continue to be about twice the weight you should be it is good to not let that get in the way of things (like climbing and hanging from gates !)

Enjoy a nice soak in the spa pool tomorrow, and even better a day off work.

Now GET SOME SLEEP

Victoria.


Dear Co-Workers I like,

Thank you for making my job bearable, And for being on my side when I needed that.

Victoria


Dear Manager,

The only reason I have not snapped and tried to strangle you is that this would finally provide you with some evidence of unreasonable behaviour on my part.

How could you have messed up my disciplinary proceedings/appeal again by giving me the wrong minutes for the meeting ? This is too serious to me for you to be making mistakes.

Why must you be so moody and so hostile towards me? Why are your decisions now pretty much random ?

How do you not see the irony in accusing me of mistakes when you keep making them, and accusing me of a poor manner when you randomly shout at me ?

What happened between the time I started working for you, when every said you were a decent manager, and now, when we are falling to pieces and someone who has worked with you for over 20 years has made a complaint ?

Victoria


Dear Universe,

Please give me a break.

And please let my manager's apparent confidence in his ridiculous case against me be because he is increasingly irrational, and not because he knows something I don't (like being able to count on automatic support from the board)

Victoria

--------------------
Post accompanied by maniacal laughter.

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Bored and Dangerous
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Dear SO's work--

Why, oh why, did you have to eliminate third shift? We had everything worked out, schedule-wise. He could visit his daughter every day, and my daughter could have him put her to bed at night. I could depend on him to accompany me to ferry DD back and forth to see her father.

Now, because you want to put him on second shift (instead of first shift, where we could work all this out), he can only see his daughter one day every other week, my daughter won't see him but maybe thirty minutes a day, and I have to drive 140 miles every Friday by myself! The only good thing about this is that he's not getting a pay cut. A pox upon your mother and all your ancestors!

Here's to hoping a new job opportunity comes up soon that allows him to work a more convenient schedule than you've put him on.

Not very sincerely,

B&D

--------------------
My blog

Watch?? I'm gonna pray, man! Know any good religions?--Zaphod Beeblebrox

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Nonny Mouse, on Santa's laptop
Once in Royal Circuit City


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Dear dust mites,

Okay, now that I know I'm allergic to you, no more free ride. I don't care how fed up I am with housework by the end of the day, the room's getting dusted and vacuumed, and the bedding washed in hotwater, twice weekly.

Count your blessings I was broke merciful and didn't buy that nasty carpet spray that was on the shelf next to the pillow and mattress covers at Shoppers Home Health Care.

Yes, that's right, you little suckers, I said pillow and mattress covers. Just you try to slip your nasty little droppings into my nasal passages while I sleep now.

Nonny, who is no longer your free lunch.

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When there isn't anything else worth analyzing, we examine our collective navel. I found thirty-six cents in change in mine the other day. Let no one say that there is no profit in philosophy. -- Silas Sparkhammer

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Strawberry Limeade
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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BF's Roommate -

The next time I call in the middle of the day because BF gets no cell signal in your guys' room and you happen to answer the phone, just hand it to him. Is that too much to ask? Don't scoff at me for interrupting you doing absolutely jack shit and then hang up on me. You weren't sleeping or studying. You're just that big of a prick that you can't be bothered to simply turn around and hand off the phone. It's not enough that we don't see each other for 2 month stretches, but to top it off he has to live with a no-mannered, immature douche bag like you. I hope you choke. [flame]

- Your roommate's girlfriend

--------------------
"My artist statement is incomprehensible and therefore full of deep significance." - Calvin

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Casey, making hot chocolate
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by TurquoiseGirl:
Dear Drs Chloe and Bee,

I have been in situations were the following have been introduced "Dr. X, Dr. Y and TGirl".

Evidently, that second X chromosome totally wipes out that degree.

Your friend
Dr. Turquoise

Dear Dr. TG,

I go the other way, weirdly. Teach in a college setting, and you get the "Dr." tag. I assume there is if I have no reason to say otherwise.

C

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"To be or not to be! That is the question! Now, will you answer, dare, double dare, or take the Physical Challenge?" --Mark Summers as Hamlet
Countdown: 177 days and counting... or less. My blog. 14 keyboards owed.

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Signora Del Drago
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


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Dear Roadie,

This thread moves so fast that I have a hard time keeping up with it, but I did just see your announcement about your visit to the doctor. Congratulations, sweetie! Ya' done good!

Love,

Yo' Momma


Dear Dr. Chloe, Dr. T-Girl and Dr.Bee,

I shall try to remember to address you in the proper fashion from now on.  -

Seriously, if I had earned a doctorate, that would irritate the NFBSK out of me, especially in the case where all but one was introduced with the proper title. Grrrr!

Love,

SDD

--------------------
"This air we're breathing. Oxygen, isn't it?"~I’mNotDedalus, impersonating Vincent D’Onofrio.|"Sometimes trying to communicate can be like walking through a minefield."~wanderwoman
"Give people a break. It's not easy doing a life."~Joshua Halberstam

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glisp42
I'm Dreaming Of A White iPod


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Dear NeeCD,
BBC America starts showing Robin Hood this spring I believe. I'm just as excited as you are.

glisp42

--------------------
What does "Bookachow", "YOMANK" and other lingo mean?

And we'll collect the moments one by one I guess that's how the future's done. -Feist

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Minstrel gone caroling
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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Dear Drs. Chloe, Bee, and TGirl,

Now that I think about it, there was a husband-wife pairing with doctoral degrees at my undergrad school. The wife was frequently addressed as Mrs. instead of Dr. She never let on that it bothered her, though.

I'd see it as pretty damn insulting, myself. A Ph.D. is not something schools just hand out to anyone who wants one!

With great respect,
Minstrel, who may someday have a Ph.D. *sigh*

--------------------
Last year's goat was burned down by vandals dressed up as Santa Claus and the Gingerbread Man. They were never caught.
My blog. The Adventures of the Fish O'Thwacking.
Countdown: 177 days (or less!)

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NeeCD
Happy Holly Days


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quote:
Originally posted by glisp42:
Dear NeeCD,
BBC America starts showing Robin Hood this spring I believe. I'm just as excited as you are.

glisp42

Oh, that's excellent news! I just happen to watch BBC America fairly often, so I'll definitely be keeping an eye out for it. I don't use bittorrent for anything and was wondering if there were other options.

--------------------
I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.
What does "Bookachow", "YOMANK!" and other lingo mean?

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glass papaya
Jingle Bell Hock


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Dear property assessor in my town,

Thankyouverymuch. I knew you'd see it my way. You're still not a very nice person, though.

gp

Posts: 544 | From: Onalaska, WI | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
ladyknight
The First USA Noel


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Dear UPS,
Oh, how I hate you! You've already screwed up twice this week...I'm dreading what more you can come up with.

First, on Tuesday, instead of leaving a package slip for my CD's, you somehow got INTO my apartment complex, and left the box in front of my door in the hallway. Real safe, real secure. I'm damned lucky someone else didn't decide to give my box a new home.

Then yesterday, I got home to find a package slip. Great! You remembered what you are supposed to do for apartment complexes! I call the 800 number, and your stupid automated voice tells me it's early enough to pick it up today. It wanted a phone number and an alternate number and someone would call me w/in an hour. An hour and ten minutes later, no one had called me. Later turned out you'd called the alternate number. I got there at 7:10, 25 minutes after you'd said the package would be there. After searching for 15 minutes, the rep finally told me that the truck wasn't back yet, and would "probably be back within half an hour". You close at 8. So I have to go back today and hope you didn't accidentally send it out again.
Thanks so much!
Ladyknight

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Triumphs cannot be given. They must be taken, and the worse the odds, and the fiercer the resistance, the greater the honor. -- A Civil Campaign, Lois McMaster Bujold

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DawnStorm
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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Dear George Ishkabibbleoff:
Who the hell are you and why will you not leave a message with my husband when you call? [Confused] You must be trying to scam us--well it won't work! How the hell did you get my UNLISTED number anyway???

--------------------
Leashes?! We don't need no stinking leashes!!

Posts: 4771 | From: The Berkeley of the East Coast: Montgomery County MD | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
TurquoiseGirl
The "Was on Sale" Song


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Dear Boutros Boutros Doggie,

After careful consideration of the way you acted last night and after significant lobbying by your Grandma, your Grandpa, your Uncle Chris and your Mikey, all of whom assert that you are far too noble a creature to be subjected to such indignity, I hereby announce that all future repetitions of the annual "Put the Reindeer Antlers on the Doggie" are cancelled.

I also admit that wrapping you in garland was a similarly undignified event.

Sigh. I will have to figure out another way to get a cute holiday picture of you. You like your bow tie. Can I get you a holiday bowtie?

Love,
Your Mommy

Dear Snopesters,

Regretfully the only picture I got of the aforementioned "Put the Antlers on the Doggie" ritual was one of the Boutros presenting his hind quarters to me. I am pretty sure it was deliberate.

So no pictures of the cute doggie.

He does look really cute in them, by the way. But it causes him too much distress.

TGirl

--------------------
There are people who drive really nice cars who feel that [those] cars won't be as special if other people drive them too. Where I come from, we call those people "selfish self-satisfied gits." -Chloe

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Die Capacitrix
We Three Blings


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Dear FedEx,

You may sit in the corner with UPS. I called this morning to ask when I could expect the package. You told me it would arrive the same time as yesterday's delivery attempt. One hour later someone from your esteemed firm called and told me that the first person was wrong and that it would be delivered between 4 and 6 today. I asked if it would be possible to deliver it on Wednesday as today is not good. You said certainly and asked if morning or afternoon would be better. We mutually agreed on 10-12 Wednesday morning.

So why, when we arrived home today, do we have yet another notice of attempt to deliver? And why does your tracking system now have Monday as the expected delivery time?

No Christmas joy for you.

Dear Company that sent the package,

You did not inform us that you use FedEx. You also did not provide the tracking number, which would have given us a chance to be home at the time the package was delivered the first time. I hope your other customers have better results.

--------------------
"Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces." Judith Viorst

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Hero_Mike
Happy Holly Days


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Dear Dr. TGirl....

What is wrong with presenting a picture of the Boutros' hind quarters?

--------------------
"The fate of *billions* depends on you! Hahahahaha....sorry." Lord Raiden - Mortal Kombat

Posts: 1587 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
TurquoiseGirl
The "Was on Sale" Song


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Dear Hero_Mike,

Displaying his indignity for the world to see would only compound the indignity of the situation, correct?

Best,
The Boutros' Mommy

--------------------
There are people who drive really nice cars who feel that [those] cars won't be as special if other people drive them too. Where I come from, we call those people "selfish self-satisfied gits." -Chloe

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vanilla
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Dear CuraScript Pharmacy,

Again???!?!! Good lord people, get your act together! At least have the decency to call me when my prescription is delayed, especially when you are notified that I NEED IT THE NEXT DAY. You have three - THREE phone numbers to contact me at, try one! If you had, I could have cleared up the entire thing in one short phone call instead of waiting for my non-delivered package to arrive.

I am getting tired of having to initiate contact with you every time you screw up and decide to withhold my prescription without notifying me. Especially when you are withholding it for something that is entirely YOUR fault and should not hinder me from receiving my prescriptions. Gah!

BTW, at this point in time, not receiving these meds is life threatening. My pregnancy will terminate if I do not receive them. If that happens, there will be hell to pay and a nice little law-suit to accompany the bill!

NFBSK you,

An unhappy client who can no longer wait for the new year and no longer having to deal with you! [flame]

--------------------
I swear, it was funnier in my head.
Yeah, I used to be pink. vanilla_pink.

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TurquoiseGirl
The "Was on Sale" Song


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Dear USPS,

You do a wonderful job you really do. And the clerk this morning was absolutely wonderful helping me find the most efficient and cost effective way to ship a package out of the country.

But there has to be a better way to handle the customs declaration for Christmas presents. I mean, I know that it important for all concerned to know what exactly I am shipping. I just wish my friend wouldn't know what he was getting until he actually unwrapped the present.

Happy Holidays!
Your friend,
TGirl

--------------------
There are people who drive really nice cars who feel that [those] cars won't be as special if other people drive them too. Where I come from, we call those people "selfish self-satisfied gits." -Chloe

Posts: 6995 | From: New Mexico | Registered: Oct 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Algae
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Oh, Vanilla. Lots of vibes for you. {{{hugs}}}

--------------------
Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Don't drink and derive!

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Loyhargil
We Three Blings


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TGirl,
I feel your pain. Before he immigrated, I used to periodically mail gifts to my now-husband, who's from England. It's kind of a bummer to have to call the recipient, let 'em know something's coming, and make 'em swear not to read the packing slip. *sigh*

--------------------
Bender: Oh cruel fate, to be thusly boned. Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee.

Posts: 1170 | From: Iowa | Registered: Aug 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Loyhargil
We Three Blings


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Dear self,
Quit jackin' around. You've worked you butt off all week, but you CAN'T let up until Monday. You're nearly ready for Monday, but only NEARLY. Get a Twinky then get your brain back on track. You've got to get that cross-exam honed, cause quite frankly, you aren't the best at it. Thankfully there will be post-hearing briefs, your strong suit, but that doesn't mean you can slack off on cross (Gawd, I hate cross exam).

Tuesday's your day off, not today. Get crackin'.

Loyhar - never ask a question you don't know the answer to - gil

--------------------
Bender: Oh cruel fate, to be thusly boned. Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee.

Posts: 1170 | From: Iowa | Registered: Aug 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
I'm 20th Century Fox
Happy Holly Days


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Here’s my annual letter round-up (well, it’s probably my first, but may become an annual thing):

Dear Dad, I really miss you. Hard to believe you’ll be gone 9 months Christmas day. Thank you for being the man you were.

Dear Daughter, thanks for holding me to a higher standard of being a mother. Our relationship is never the same, but is always growing. You’ve become such a strong, mature young lady. But I still can’t wait until you have a child of your own!

Dear Mom, I used to think Dad was the strong one, but now I know where I get my inner strength from. You are soft and strong at the same time. You really amaze me. Thanks for opening up your home to me.

Dear Sweetie, Thanks for being my rock all these months. You’ve shown me what true love is all about. You’ve been there for me in good times and bad. You’ve nursed me through migraines and car wrecks. You’ve taken me to some of your favorite places in the world, right here in NC! We’ve weathered some storms of our own and it’s made us stronger. Thank you for telling me every day that you love me, and that I look beautiful. Thanks for being the calming influence when I get “flighty”.

Dear pastor, Of course you can change the order of worship service. But if you want to eliminate two staff positions, the church constitution states this must FIRST go through the personnel committee.

Dear personnel committee, must you bend over backward to accommodate his every “vision”? Last year, it was merging our church with another church (which didn’t pass). This year it’s do away with the organ and piano and choir, something which the whole church doesn’t even know about yet. I can and will take my talents and tithe elsewhere, but it kinda blows to be laid off right at Christmas time. But thanks for the Christmas bonus, it really came in handy this year!

Dear 2007, Bring it on, beeyotch!

--------------------
When my chin is on the ground I pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again.

Posts: 1765 | From: Greensboro, NC | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
I'm 20th Century Fox
Happy Holly Days


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Oh yeah,

Dear Migraine,

Die, die, die. I have a company party tonight and I really want to go.

I'm 20th Century Fox

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When my chin is on the ground I pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again.

Posts: 1765 | From: Greensboro, NC | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Sue Bee
Happy Holly Days


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Dear Sunspot 930-

Thanks for the light show last night. I understand that you have had another X15 flare, so perhaps tomorrow night will be good for viewing again.

Yours,
SB

Posts: 1596 | From: Illinois | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
ThistleSoftware
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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Dear Rattling Cough:
I've had about enough of you. If I sleep for fourteen hours tonight will you please go away?
-ThistleS

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Officially Heartless

Posts: 3065 | From: The Montgomery County of the West Coast- Berkeley, CA | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
NewZer0
Happy Holly Days


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Dear Mom,

I hope we are doing the right thing. I just don't know. . .it's our best choice given the circumstances, but certainly not the best choice in an ideal world, or our world.

So. Is moving my mother out of the hospital and into a home a good birthday or a bad? Still, at least no one died today. Yet.

Love, Me

P.S. I hope you liked the sheets and comforter I picked out. I don't really know what you like anymore. I'm sorry you couldn't be there to pick them out.

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I study medieval literature because that's where the money is.

Posts: 1431 | From: Corvallis, OR | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Signora Del Drago
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


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Dear NewZero,

I'm sorry about your Mom. Is the NH temporary for rehab, or is it permanent? What is her prognosis?

I'd say it's a better birthday than having to arrange a funeral, but it's still sad.

Give her a hug for me. And keep one for yourself.

Love and good wishes,

SDD


Dear Dr. Boutros Boutros Doggie's Mommy,

Maybe you could just put a bow on top of his head for long enough to snap a picture. We used to let my Maggie in every Christmas morning to open her present, and we'd stick red bow on her head for the photo. She was a white German Shepherd, and red was so pretty on her.

The Boutros and I thank you for not letting Hero_Mike talk you into posting a photo of his (_!_). The Boutros's (_!_), I mean. I assume you don't have a photo of H_M's (_!_).  -

Love,

SDD

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"This air we're breathing. Oxygen, isn't it?"~I’mNotDedalus, impersonating Vincent D’Onofrio.|"Sometimes trying to communicate can be like walking through a minefield."~wanderwoman
"Give people a break. It's not easy doing a life."~Joshua Halberstam

Posts: 4020 | From: Oklahoma | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
ChickyBee
Deck the Malls


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Dear Self,

Yes, sitting up till 3am being all giggly with H was fun. Really really fun. Being woken up at 7am by a hungry baby? Not so fun. Next time the two of you make plans like this, remember this moment. Or more accurately, remember putting your coffee in the baby bottle and his formula in your coffee mug.

Chicky

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So many people are hung up on achievements. What did you do today? What are you planning? Sometimes, just getting through the day is an achievement in itself.

Posts: 256 | From: Melbourne, Australia | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
TurquoiseGirl
The "Was on Sale" Song


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Dear Signora,

The problem is getting him to pose for the damned picture. He actually had the antlers on long enough for me to snap a picture, but wouldn't pose. Other than doing the equivalent of a doggie moon.

I do not, as far as I know, have a picture of Hero_Mike's, um, tush. Now that you mention it, it represents a major source of disappointment in life... (ETA: the lack of a picture is disappointing, I mean; not Hero_Mike's tush.)

Sadly,
TGirl

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There are people who drive really nice cars who feel that [those] cars won't be as special if other people drive them too. Where I come from, we call those people "selfish self-satisfied gits." -Chloe

Posts: 6995 | From: New Mexico | Registered: Oct 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
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