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Author Topic: Those who know my mind better than I do
ChickyBee
Deck the Malls


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quote:
quote:
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Originally posted by ChickyBee:
The amusing/irritating thing is that she seems to think that being married gives her something special over the rest of her unmarried friends and that she was quite shocked to realize that married life was basically the same as de facto life.
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That's another thing I don't understand. I know someone who drones on and on about how being married is being different than being with someone you're committed but not married to, but when asked to elaborate on it all she can say is, "It just is." I just utterly fail to see how it really can be.

The really frustrating thing is, I spoke to her shortly before the wedding and asked "Why has it been so important to you to get married? What do you think is going be different?"

She thought about it for all of 2 seconds and replied "It just is. Nothing."


ETA: D'oh! Forgot to add my congrats to Embra!!

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So many people are hung up on achievements. What did you do today? What are you planning? Sometimes, just getting through the day is an achievement in itself.

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Whaler on the Moon
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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I get a lot of the "You'll change your mind", with a dose of "once you grow out of it" implied, when it comes to having children. But what really, really makes me mad is when it's followed by " Oh honey, your future husband will certainly want them. How would you deny him that?".

First i don't want to get married at all, but if i did, doesn't it cross their mind that maybe, just maybe i'd remember to discuss that before i married him?
I guess it doen't matter, since these are the same people that say i only think this way because i haven't met my prince and that i'll drop everything to be with him then. Yep, i've had hipothetical future guy called "my prince".

And congratulations Embra.

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A cat shall lead the dumb, and the dumb shall rejoice. But of course, they shall misspell their banners. - Get Fuzzy

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Tantei Kijo
The First USA Noel


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The definate change for me in marriage was getting on my husband's insurance. So, that's one definite benefit (though some carriers are covering partners too). I have read elsewhere that marriage is supposed to change everything even if you've been living together. Didn't change a thing beyond the insurance, filing taxes. It was a great party though.

As for wanting kids, I actually did change my mind partly due to the biological clock thing, partly due to personal reasons, but telling somone else that their own ideas will change because your own did is one of the dumbest things I've heard.

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Bender: Though you may have to make a metaphorical "deal with the devil". And by "devil", I mean the robot devil, and by "metaphorically" I mean get your coat. ------------ My sad site: A new way to be bored.

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Barbara
Layaway in a Manger


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quote:
Originally posted by Whaler on the Moon:
I get a lot of the "You'll change your mind", with a dose of "once you grow out of it" implied, when it comes to having children. But what really, really makes me mad is when it's followed by " Oh honey, your future husband will certainly want them. How would you deny him that?".

Whaler, if you were to someday get married, chances are you'd choose someone who had a similar outlook. I think those who are trying to tell you different have forgotten that.

quote:
I guess it doen't matter, since these are the same people that say i only think this way because i haven't met my prince and that i'll drop everything to be with him then. Yep, i've had hipothetical future guy called "my prince".

I hate that. I hate this whole notion that a gal is supposed to be looking for her "prince," or possibly sitting virginal and wistful in her dragon-defended tower waiting said noble to rescue her. If those folks are using the term "prince" to mean "wonderful guy" (as in "someone who is good enough for a wonderful gal like you"), I can live with it, but if they mean it in the "someone to rescue you from the meaninglessness of your life, someone to whisk you out of the muck of having to fend for yourself and up into the safety and security of his taking care of all those bothersome little problems like making a living and dealing with financial matters," then I want to turn them over my knee, let loose on their deserving bottoms with my wooden spoon, and not let them up again until they realize women are a little bit more than just brainless chattel.

Barbara "we're brainless *armed* chattel, I tell you!" Mikkelson

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Morrigan
Happy Holly Days


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Congrats, Embra!

I don't want to get married. Or be in a long term relationship. Ever. I love having my own space, and not having to account to anybody. I love being by myself too much.

Kids? Maybe. I might adopt, if anything. But right now, no kids, no relationships. Nada. Not for several decades, at least.

Morrigan

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"The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep." Robert Frost, Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening

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Neffti Noel
We Three Blings


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Hey, congrats, Embra!

Now, warning - the rest of this post will contain rather childish use of sarcasm, and possible glurge!

There will always be more boxes that people want you to tick. I'm married with a kid, both things I chose for myself, but there are people who think I am just pining away here waiting for baby number 2. And I can't just have one child anyway, because only children are all either emotionally deprived or spoilt rotten, which is as we all know a Scientific Fact based on a piece of research someone did on... people living in his street in about 1920. What I should in fact be doing is having more children to ensure everyone's future happiness, since a large family with a Mum and Dad is the only possible route to bliss. I mean, I should at least make the effort to achieve this state of nirvana and squeeze one more out, right?!!!eleven!!!

There was a horrified hushed silence at a recent family bash when DD worked out that her Grandma is my Mum.
"So, you've got a Mum?"
"Yes, DD, that's your Grandma."
"And you used to not be a Mum?"
"That's right."
"Hmm... And one day, will you be a Grandma?"
"I have no idea. Who knows?"

You could feel the frisson go around the room... Who knows? WHO KNOWS? Surely the answer should be "Yes, I am going to wither away in a padded cell unless my only child makes up for my life-of-leisure, entertainment-complex of a uterus by sprogging grandchildren for me! So you'd better not get any ideas of your own, young lady!"

I know it may sound bitter because of my miscarriage in March, but people don't seem to get that, although I grieve for that baby, I think it also set me free from a life I didn't really want. That was hard to type, because I still needlessly feel shame about it, mainly because my wider family don't get it. They are a little puzzled about why I'm not currently trying to replace that baby, as if there's been a mistake I feel I must make up for. They explain it to themselves by saying I am hormonal (9 months later), or having a breakdown. There's also a shocking lack of regard for DH in this, who feels as strongly as me that he does not want more children. It's as if having babies is entirely up to me because I have the uterus, and his wishes are not relevant.

*deep breath*

So, Mosh, even those of us who might appear to tick boxes other people think you don't, still have unticked boxes aplenty. Let's just hoist those unticked boxes up the mast shall we, and sail away on the good ol' ship of not ticking all the boxes and still being an authentic, whole person.

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Arrow-Tech IV
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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That was a great post, Neffti, and more of an anti-glurge, really.

Arrow "Enough with the box-ticking!" Tech IV

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Amigone201
Happy Holly Days


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First off, congrats Embra!

Now, I've got another one. Try telling people you don't drink.

Oh. My. God. How many people have thought they could/needed to "cure me" of that? "I have some of the best drinks you've ever tasted. Go on, try some!"

"If you ever want to start drinking..."

"I know a great little bar. Great atmosphere. Best beer you've ever had."

NFBSK you. No. I don't drink. No, I'm not going to start. No, there is nothing you can do to convince me, LEAST of all telling me how much I need to. If anything, the more you flap your yap about how I should drink, the less I want to.

Go on, keep telling me how great drinking is, though. In five minutes you'll get me to foreswear soda and milk too.

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Check out my blog! http://fundiewatch.blogspot.com

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Ganzfeld
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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I've always thought it's like the story of the horse with its head where its tail should be. (Don't know the origins. Barnum perhaps?) The sign on the carnival tent says, "5 cents to see the horse with its head where its tail should be!" Everyone coming out looks pretty amused so you pay the 5p and go in to see the horse with its head where its tail should be. There it is: an ordinary horse that's been turned around in its stall so its head is where its tail should be. You come out looking amused at your own foolishness. Nobody coming out wants to be the only fool so they also convince everybody else to go on in.

I have to admit, though, marriage is a beautiful horse's ... I mean, it's a beautiful horse!

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Mosherette
Deck the Malls


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quote:
Originally posted by Amigone201:
Now, I've got another one. Try telling people you don't drink.

Oh, you don't need to tell me all about that one. I don't drink either. I really am some kind of freak - someone who doesn't want kids, doesn't want to get married and doesn't like alcohol. I'm just waiting for someone's head to explode [Wink]

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Silence should never under any circumstances be construed as agreement. A lot of the time, it's simply a reflection that someone just said something so stupid that no response could possibly do it justice. - Ramblin' Dave

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Canuckistan
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by Mosherette:
quote:
Originally posted by Amigone201:
Now, I've got another one. Try telling people you don't drink.

Oh, you don't need to tell me all about that one. I don't drink either.
[Eek!]

[Razz]

quote:
I really am some kind of freak - someone who doesn't want kids, doesn't want to get married and doesn't like alcohol. I'm just waiting for someone's head to explode [Wink]
Don't worry. After your first bottle of wine, you'll change your mind about children. You'll see. [Razz]

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People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

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Don Enrico
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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quote:
Originally posted by Canuckistan:
Don't worry. After your first bottle of wine, you'll change your mind about children. You'll see. [Razz]

Shouldn't that read "When you have your first child, you'll change your mind about drinking?"

[Wink] [Razz]

Don Enrico

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My spelling is Wobbly. It's good spelling, but it Wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong places. - Pooh Bear

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jw
The First USA Noel


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For the record, I have three children, and consider it the absolute meaning of life, but to others, children could just be slobbering whining burdens.
20 years ago, I would have put "having kids" about 505 on my list of things I wanted to do. I won't say you will probably find out some day how really cool it is, but if you do, I won't say "I told you so"

ETA: More congrats to Embra. Seems the whole world knows now. [Smile]

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On my old guitar sell tickets, so someone can finally pick it.

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Whaler on the Moon
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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quote:
Originally posted by Barbara:
I hate that. I hate this whole notion that a gal is supposed to be looking for her "prince," or possibly sitting virginal and wistful in her dragon-defended tower waiting said noble to rescue her. If those folks are using the term "prince" to mean "wonderful guy" (as in "someone who is good enough for a wonderful gal like you"), I can live with it, but if they mean it in the "someone to rescue you from the meaninglessness of your life, someone to whisk you out of the muck of having to fend for yourself and up into the safety and security of his taking care of all those bothersome little problems like making a living and dealing with financial matters," then I want to turn them over my knee, let loose on their deserving bottoms with my wooden spoon, and not let them up again until they realize women are a little bit more than just brainless chattel.


It's a bit of both. The people i get this from do mean me well, but at the same they believe it's impossible to live a have a happy life alone. No one can possibly feel like a complete, fullfiled person without a guy. Or babies.
It's that pity look when i say that no, i'm not seeing anyone. As if i've somehow failed my objective in life.

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A cat shall lead the dumb, and the dumb shall rejoice. But of course, they shall misspell their banners. - Get Fuzzy

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Monza305
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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My dear, sweet Mom used to always pressure me about getting married & having more grandkids for her. There was one time when she asked me when I was going to get married. My response was the logical "Umm...I need to get a girlfriend first." That shut her up for a while.

Then there was the day when I told her that I was getting married in a year. She tells me to hurry up with her grandchild. There was still a year before the wedding so my fiance could get pregnant and have the kid before we got married! [Confused]
Sorry Ma, I wanted to be the first of your kids to get married first, then have kids...not the other way around.

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I've got a pen in my pocket does that make me a writer?
Standing on the mountain doesn't make me no higher.
Putting on gloves don't make you a fighter.
And all the study in the world doesn't make it science. -Paul Weller

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Nonny Mouse, on Santa's laptop
Once in Royal Circuit City


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quote:
Originally posted by Whaler on the Moon:

It's a bit of both. The people i get this from do mean me well, but at the same they believe it's impossible to live a have a happy life alone. No one can possibly feel like a complete, fullfiled person without a guy. Or babies.
It's that pity look when i say that no, i'm not seeing anyone. As if i've somehow failed my objective in life.

Hell, I do want to get married and have kids, and I don't feel like I'm "incomplete" because I haven't done those things yet (and might never).

Women (or men) who feel like they have to have a partner to be complete are at greater risk of finding themselves in a relationship that's anything but life-enhancing. I want the right husband, not just any husband, and when and if I have children, I want them to have the best father I could find. I'm not willing to settle, and because I'm happy in my own skin, I'm not even vaguely tempted to.

Nonny

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When there isn't anything else worth analyzing, we examine our collective navel. I found thirty-six cents in change in mine the other day. Let no one say that there is no profit in philosophy. -- Silas Sparkhammer

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quiltsbypam
Happy Holly Days


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quote:
Originally posted by Don Enrico:
quote:
Originally posted by Canuckistan:
Don't worry. After your first bottle of wine, you'll change your mind about children. You'll see. [Razz]

Shouldn't that read "When you have your first child, you'll change your mind about drinking?"

[Wink] [Razz]

Don Enrico

Yes, and yes.

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"No Biblical hell could ever be worse than the state of perpetual inconsequence." Beatrice in Dangerous Beauty

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Ramblin' Dave, quietly making noise
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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quote:
Originally posted by Kilgore Trout, fka Dog Friendly:
Pardon the hijack, here, but is there a Joni Mitchell fan in the house? Reading this thread, I've picked up an earworm, and I don't know if the actual lyric is:

"We don't need a piece of paper from the City Hall keepin' us tied and true", or

"...keepin' us tight and true"

The lyric sheets say "tied," but they can be wrong occasionally. And while we're at it, "Carey" isn't about bondage - she's saying "I'll put on some silver," not "silk." [Razz]

I can think of only two on-topic things to add. One, I'm almost 34 and still single, and while my relationship with my mother has always been strained, I must give her full credit for never, ever hassling me about that. I wish I could say the same for all the people out there who feel compelled to tell us there's something just not quite right about a man who isn't married by my age. On the rare occasion when someone has made the mistake of suggesting as much to my face, I have explained in great detail that I almost got engaged several years ago, but found out just in the nick of time that the woman I wanted to marry preferred to run around with guys who already were married. That usually shuts 'em up but good.

And secondly, CONGRATS EMBRA!! [Smile]

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Another lifetime I'd have fallen in love with you
Swept away by my feelings, ashamed and confused
But just now it's enough to be walking with you
Let the mystery play as it will! -Lui Collins

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ladyknight
The First USA Noel


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quote:
I can think of only two on-topic things to add. One, I'm almost 34 and still single, and while my relationship with my mother has always been strained, I must give her full credit for never, ever hassling me about that. I wish I could say the same for all the people out there who feel compelled to tell us there's something just not quite right about a man who isn't married by my age. On the rare occasion when someone has made the mistake of suggesting as much to my face, I have explained in great detail that I almost got engaged several years ago, but found out just in the nick of time that the woman I wanted to marry preferred to run around with guys who already were married. That usually shuts 'em up but good.

And secondly, CONGRATS EMBRA!! [Smile]

Dave, you've actually encountered people who've told you it's not right to be married by your age?!? That's awful! My stepdad didn't marry until he was 40; I wonder what they would have said about him...

Anyway, congrats indeed Embra! ET take out random stuff that didn't have much to do with the thread.

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Triumphs cannot be given. They must be taken, and the worse the odds, and the fiercer the resistance, the greater the honor. -- A Civil Campaign, Lois McMaster Bujold

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evilrabbit
Jingle Bell Hock


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Once again, Barabara speaks great wisdom. Trust in the Barbara, the Barbara is wise.
I can't imagine sitting around thinking that I "need" a boyfriend. There were moments in the past when I would think, "Gee, it would be nice if I could meet someone," (usually around Valentine's Day, or some other time when everyone else was all schmoopy over each other) but it was brief, and never had any real effect on my life. It was about as important as "Gee, I'd like a cookie."
However, having unexpectedly found myself dating a DogMonkey, I will admit I am quite happy. But that's more because he's who he is, rather than because he's a BOYFRIEND!!HOORAYeleventyone!
I'm perfectly fine with being a princess, as long as I get to kill monsters, too.

And count me in as a non-drinker, who doesn't want kids, and while ambivilent on marriage per se, would rather be married in Vegas than have a huge elaborate ceremony. I also want to be cremated when I die (after any usuable organs are harvested) and then have my ashes dumped. Not scattered, just dumped.

And congrats, Embra.

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"My sandwich choice is uncertain, until I actually order. It's like Schrodinger's Sandwich."
"Is plutonium involved in this sandwich in any way?"
"Maybe."

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Auntie Witch
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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I used to be one of "those people" who thought that minds could be changed - specifically, the mind of my ex-husband. I wanted kids. He told me I could have a dog instead. I was convinced he'd change his mind, and put up with three years of absolute hell hoping he'd have an enlightened moment of, "I don't want to go out drinking, I want to have kids, and I'd dearly love to treat my wife with respect instead of violence."

Needless to say, I learned my lesson the hard way.

Of course, I still get the "You'll change your mind" thing, even after two kids. I've made it very clear that I will not be having more. It pains me greatly, because I DO want more, but I can't put my body through that again, and I did such a good job of hiding how badly I hurt from everyone except my husband that everyone seems to think I'm exaggerating when I tell them that I would not be able to walk if I became pregnant again.

I've gotten to where I nod, grin, and ignore them. It's so much easier.

(And let's not even approach the drinking thing, I still can't get over how many people don't get the TOTAL part of teetotaler!)

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"Feel my head! I feel like a puppy!" -My mother
October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month!
Myspace about my mom, kids

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trollface
The Bills of St. Mary's


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So...the engagement's off, then? What a way to find out. You...Britney, you!

And congrats to the Scots bird.

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seriously , everyone on here , just trys to give someone crap about something they do !! , its shitting me to tears.

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NeeCD
Happy Holly Days


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I'm very lucky in that my mom told me when I was only 18 or 19 that she didn't need to be a grandmother, and that if I didn't want kids, she was perfectly fine with that. Unfortunately, my grandmother didn't get the memo. She lives in another state, though, so I don't get the "when are you going to make me a great grandmother?" question too often. She's up here now for Thanksgiving, and the first day I saw her, she started again. But then, to my surprise, she ended the (half joking) tirade with, "or maybe you're just too intelligent to want kids" and that was that. I'm not sure intelligence has anything to do with it (except in knowing what's right for me) but if she's done with pestering me, I'm certainly not going to question it.

Every once in a long while, I think that kids wouldn't be a bad thing, but when that happens, I spend time with my best friend and her two kids. They are great kids, but I'm completely over the whole wanting kids thing at the end of the day.

At 35, I do get my share of questions from co-workers about when I'm getting married and having kids, and I just answer "not this year." It's always true, and they can't really say much more.

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I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.
What does "Bookachow", "YOMANK!" and other lingo mean?

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Flaming June
Deck the Malls


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Marriage is not "just a piece of paper"; it is a legally binding contract. It makes certain things a whole heckuva lot easier -- like finding health coverage -- and certain things a whole heckuva lot harder -- like getting rid of the beggar should I ever find the need. I am stunned by the attitudes of people who wander into this sort of arrangement blithely. My husband has powers that I wouldn't hand over to just anybody, and I can't imagine why you wouldn't want to think long and hard about your motivations for entering such a contract.

I will say that marriage changed my relationship. And I'll say it made my relationship stronger. Mostly because other people's attitudes toward our relationship changed; their expectations for our relationship changed, they treated us differently, and that affected us and consequently, our relationship. Marriage tested our relationship. We lived through it and our relationship flourished. We were pretty young; an older couple might not find these things to be the case.

Now, I've been pretty vocal about wanting to remain child free since I was about 11 or so. I hear all these stories about people who are castigated for verbalizing this, but nobody's said so much as a word about it to me. Frankly, I'm a little insulted...what are they trying to say about me? [Wink]

June

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Metaphors be with you!

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kingfan1978
Deck the Malls


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quote:
Originally posted by Radon Girl:
quote:
Originally posted by ChickyBee:

I'll introduce you to my best friend. I've known her since we were 12 and even then, her main goal in life was "to get married and have kids." That was it. In that last 13 years, I've never known her to have any ambition to travel and career goals other than to hold a job she doesn't hate and that pays the bills.

Wow, I feel kinda sorry for people who have so little ambition in life.
I find your statement about having "so little ambition in life" just as condescending & close-minded as all of the comments offered by the you'll-change-your-minders. So what if the woman doesn't feel the need to travel or build an elaborate career? Maybe marriage & children are what would make her feel fulfilled. I'm not saying that's the way everyone should feel but who are you to say what her life's goals should be?

For me, my own most annoying "you'll change your mind!" moment came while I was pregnant. I was discussing my decision to try to avoid an epidural during childbirth with a coworker when another girl invited herself into the conversation with that dreaded exclaimation...and the kicker was, she'd never even been pregnant! Gotta love the voice of experience... [Roll Eyes]

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"I reject your reality and substitue my own!" - Adam Savage, Mythbusters

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queen of the bah-caramels
Jingle Bell Hock


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quote:
Originally posted by Flaming June:
Marriage is not "just a piece of paper"; it is a legally binding contract. It makes certain things a whole heckuva lot easier -- like finding health coverage -- and certain things a whole heckuva lot harder -- like getting rid of the beggar should I ever find the need.

June

OOh I agree on the legally/religious binding contract


But to my Brit minded self I find the whole idea of marrying some-one to get thier health coverage ......strange????

Why is this such a major part of A US marriage??

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Focus On The Family- An opinion group who think more about Gay Sex than gay people do- Rick Mercer

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queen of the bah-caramels
Jingle Bell Hock


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quote:
Originally posted by kingfan1978:
quote:
Originally posted by Radon Girl:
quote:
Originally posted by ChickyBee:

I'll introduce you to my best friend. I've known her since we were 12 and even then, her main goal in life was "to get married and have kids." That was it. In that last 13 years, I've never known her to have any ambition to travel and career goals other than to hold a job she doesn't hate and that pays the bills.

Wow, I feel kinda sorry for people who have so little ambition in life.
I find your statement about having "so little ambition in life" just as condescending & close-minded as all of the comments offered by the you'll-change-your-minders. So what if the woman doesn't feel the need to travel or build an elaborate career? Maybe marriage & children are what would make her feel fulfilled. I'm not saying that's the way everyone should feel but who are you to say what her life's goals should be?

For me, my own most annoying "you'll change your mind!" moment came while I was pregnant. I was discussing my decision to try to avoid an epidural during childbirth with a coworker when another girl invited herself into the conversation with that dreaded exclaimation...and the kicker was, she'd never even been pregnant! Gotta love the voice of experience... [Roll Eyes]

I ahve done both sides . We had our fun, travelling around , created a home for both of us and then decided to go on the kid route.
We were 34 at DD1 birth, I went back to work after 29 wks Brit Maternity leave.

In 2000, we had the chance to move to Canada. We moved. We had DD2 in 2001 and DS in 2005. I have not worked externally since we left the UK.

I am fulfilled looking after the kids, yes and no.

Would I stop being thier primary care proveder No...

One of these cases where YMMV, I would never demand people to follow what we have done but I would support anyone who is prepared to follow

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Focus On The Family- An opinion group who think more about Gay Sex than gay people do- Rick Mercer

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Bach_girl
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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I think the reason so many people do the whole "you will change your mind" thing is because so many people really have- myself being one of them. (I don't tell people that, but I did change my mind about kids- which I never wanted, and a second marriage.)

I think as humans we have a difficult time not sharing our own experiences when we see someone younger saying the same things you used to say and not giving advise. It is rude and uncalled for- but seem like a part of human nature- and some people just don't keep their feelings to themselves. I would think though, that they don't have any intention to hurt your feelings and maybe need to be told how it makes you feel.

It doesn't matter what the subject is, there will always be older "wiser" people out there more than willing to hand out advise. Much of the time it is unwanted. I have found letting them know how you feel will help stop it. I think a majority of mean or rude people are honestly clueless about how they come off to others.

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"My Very Educated Mother Just Said Uh-oh! No...Pluto..."~ Steven Colbert

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Cinnamon
The First USA Noel


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It's unfortunate really that the people who get the "You'll change your mind" comments about marriage and children are so well aware of how rude the attitude is that to respond in kind doesn't feel right. But isn't it tempting to reply with "So, isn't it about time you got divorced? You don't want to? You'll change your mind, you'll see."

Do you think that would give them a clue? [Big Grin]

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My blog - a continuing obsession with my weight plus much randomness
My opinions on books, music, and other stuff

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Bach_girl
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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quote:
Originally posted by kingfan1978:
quote:
Originally posted by Radon Girl:
quote:
Originally posted by ChickyBee:

I'll introduce you to my best friend. I've known her since we were 12 and even then, her main goal in life was "to get married and have kids." That was it. In that last 13 years, I've never known her to have any ambition to travel and career goals other than to hold a job she doesn't hate and that pays the bills.

Wow, I feel kinda sorry for people who have so little ambition in life.
I find your statement about having "so little ambition in life" just as condescending & close-minded as all of the comments offered by the you'll-change-your-minders. So what if the woman doesn't feel the need to travel or build an elaborate career? Maybe marriage & children are what would make her feel fulfilled. I'm not saying that's the way everyone should feel but who are you to say what her life's goals should be?

I had a whole page written up saying what you did- but yours was better and I didn't want to get spanked anyway...lol

About the "piece of paper" thing, to some it really is more than that, and that doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with their way of thinking either.

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"My Very Educated Mother Just Said Uh-oh! No...Pluto..."~ Steven Colbert

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Pondicherry Pi
Deck the Malls


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quote:

There's also the... I don't know, blinkered attitude that course of action A made me happy, therefore it must be the course of action that will make everyone else happy too. [/QB]

Blinkered, possibly, but, that's just kinda how people are, don't you think? I mean, it goes from anything from "Gee, this restaurant is really great, you should eat there' to "Gee, this life decision made me happy, you should try it!"

I'm not saying it is right, but don't you find that when something makes you absolutely giddy-happy-thrilled, you tend to try to make others participate in that action too?

Despite that, I'm one of those people who got married and didn't find much of a difference. I lived with my now-husband for 4 years and now that we are married, I'm just glad I can make medical decisions for him and that I get the house if he dies. [Wink]

On the other hand, how do I convince him that there is never is exactly the "right" time to have kids? [Roll Eyes]

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If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats. - Lemony Snicket

What the NFBSK is Glurge? Or, a link to Snopes Lingo

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Barbara
Layaway in a Manger


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quote:
Originally posted by Flaming June:
Now, I've been pretty vocal about wanting to remain child free since I was about 11 or so. I hear all these stories about people who are castigated for verbalizing this, but nobody's said so much as a word about it to me. Frankly, I'm a little insulted...what are they trying to say about me? [Wink]

Perhaps they are saying they respect that you know what you want.

Barbara "curse not the calmness of the waters" Mikkelson

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Ramblin' Dave, quietly making noise
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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quote:
Originally posted by Cinnamon:
It's unfortunate really that the people who get the "You'll change your mind" comments about marriage and children are so well aware of how rude the attitude is that to respond in kind doesn't feel right. But isn't it tempting to reply with "So, isn't it about time you got divorced? You don't want to? You'll change your mind, you'll see."

Do you think that would give them a clue? [Big Grin]

Similarly, when those with children tell you that "You'll change your mind" about not wanting any, you can always smile sweetly and say the exact same thing back to them. [Big Grin]

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Another lifetime I'd have fallen in love with you
Swept away by my feelings, ashamed and confused
But just now it's enough to be walking with you
Let the mystery play as it will! -Lui Collins

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Mosherette
Deck the Malls


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quote:
Originally posted by Pondicherry Pi:
Blinkered, possibly, but, that's just kinda how people are, don't you think? I mean, it goes from anything from "Gee, this restaurant is really great, you should eat there' to "Gee, this life decision made me happy, you should try it!"

Yup, it is just how people are. Doesn't make it not rude, or acceptable behaviour. But going to a restaurant on another person's recommendation isn't going to ruin my life if it turns out it's not the right restaurant for me.
quote:
I'm not saying it is right, but don't you find that when something makes you absolutely giddy-happy-thrilled, you tend to try to make others participate in that action too?
I might tell them I'm giddy-happy-thrilled, but try to make someone do something, someone who's just told me they'd never want to do it ever? Why would I want to go round behaving like an arse?

Example: my sister is a rollercoaster freak. She knows I hate them, but they make her feel "giddy-happy-thrilled". Would it be right for her to make me go on a rollercoaster just because she likes them so much?

And trollface, I just couldn't find the right time. Sorry and all that.

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Silence should never under any circumstances be construed as agreement. A lot of the time, it's simply a reflection that someone just said something so stupid that no response could possibly do it justice. - Ramblin' Dave

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trollface
The Bills of St. Mary's


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Bah.

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seriously , everyone on here , just trys to give someone crap about something they do !! , its shitting me to tears.

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