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» Hello snopes.com » SLC Central » Rantidote » Letters You Wish You Could Send - November 2006 (Page 6)

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Author Topic: Letters You Wish You Could Send - November 2006
christmas tree kitapper
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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Dear state of Arizona,

Why, exactly, do I have a voter registration card when I am never asked for it when I go to vote? You guys always want to save money; why not get rid of the thing?

Sincerely,
Mystified in Tucson

--------------------
"I have never in my life been more disappointed by a politician I voted for than I have been with George Bush. He is a total liberal."- overheard by me on the shuttle to the U of A game on Nov. 11th.

Posts: 3878 | From: Tucson, AZ | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
paisley claus
We Three Blings


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Dear Kitap,

I went to vote last night, and I needed a provisional ballot to change my address. I had my ID out but they didn't even look at it!!

-paisley

--------------------
"Oh, now we're going to start judging each other on things we've done?? Real fair!"

Posts: 1114 | From: Cincinnati, OH | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Pixiechic
Here We Come A-Mall Crawling


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Dear Embarq (again!),
First it's my internet...which is supposed to be up and running today by 10 am (if it's not you will hear screaming!). Now it's my phone? I picked it up to check and make sure my internet was still going to be up by 10 only to be greeted with dead air! The hell you guys? Thank goodness for my cell phone! I called and confirmed the internet by 10 AM thing and then got on with the phone people. While yes there was an outage it should be fixed by now so they are sending out a technician sometime between now and 7 PM. Please, please be fixed soon. I've got plenty of minutes on my cell phone so it's not that, but most important calls come in through the home phone.

Sincerely,
Pixie"this is freaking ridiculous"chic

--------------------
Pixiechic's MySpace page
Our Homepage

Posts: 381 | From: Las Vegas, NV | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
BeowulfGirl
Happy Holly Days


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Dear Algae and Flowy Chloe,

Thank you for reassuring me that someone out there still reads my blog! If you go there now, there's an interesting story about a weird friend of mine.

__________________________________________

Dear Lewis,

If you're going to join the Marines, go ahead and do it already. I can't wait for you to stroll in late to formation on the first day and have the entire squadron have to hike for ten miles just because of your laziness. Here's a hint--the Marines will NOT pay for college if you get thrown out.

--------------------
Please visit my blog and leave a comment! It's all pretty and pink and quite funny. Go here: http://beowulfgirl.blogspot.com/

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ladyknight
The First USA Noel


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Dear BeowulfGirl:
I read your blog too! In fact, I find that your blog is some of the most entertaining material I've read lately!

Ladyknight

Dear Mom,
It's not very nice to ignore my calls and emails for three days. You have enough time to send me crap emails about Wal-Mart, so why don't you have the time to respond to the emails I wrote you? Some of the emails were about some important stuff! I love you, and I know things are busy at work for you, but could you please, for the love of God, contact me!!
Lovingly, but slightly worried,
Ladyknight

--------------------
Triumphs cannot be given. They must be taken, and the worse the odds, and the fiercer the resistance, the greater the honor. -- A Civil Campaign, Lois McMaster Bujold

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LizzyJingleBells
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Bipolar/Boarderline Personality Disorder,

You are not going to get the better of me, damn it. I'm going to fight you both, no matter what it takes.

Me


Doctor G,

A fourth med? Damn woman. You're going to make me sick before you make me better. Oh, and do me a favor, would ya? Check my chart before I see you next time.

Your new patient.

--------------------
Come on, come on, we were once upon a time in love
If the only prayer you say in your life is thank you, that would suffice. - Meister Eckhart My Blog

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Starla
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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Dear BeowulfGirl,

Your blog is in my favorites folder. I really enjoy reading it. Please keep posting!!

-Starla

_______________________________

Dear Dad,

Seriously, how about those Angels?

Love Ya,
Starla

--------------------
This used to be the life, but I don't need another one.
MyBandwagon

Posts: 3254 | From: small town Texas | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Casey, making hot chocolate
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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Dear MUO-MSBS,

Maybe the final grades tomorrow? Please?

C

--------------------
"To be or not to be! That is the question! Now, will you answer, dare, double dare, or take the Physical Challenge?" --Mark Summers as Hamlet
Countdown: 177 days and counting... or less. My blog. 14 keyboards owed.

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mrs.hi-c clown fishies
Happy Holly Days


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Dear Coworker S-

Remind me again why I am not "a good fit" for this department? If it weren't for me, you would have been totally sunk this morning. While you were off in dreamland successfully sleeping through 2 alarms, I successfully prepared for the class we hosted this morning--by myself. I came in at the correct time, made the coffee, turned on the computer, greeted our students, introduced our guest speaker, got ice for ice water, greeted the person we were screening at 8 a.m. for employment, and got cookies before Coworker R showed up.

Could've really used you there this morning, and by the time you showed up--3 and a half hours late--there was no need to snap at me and demand that I call you from now on if you aren't here on time. Do I look like your personal NFBSKing wake-up call? If the subject of my responsibility and dependibility comes up in my possible final evaluation with the boss, I won't hesitate to use this example to prove my point.

Thanks--

mrs.hi-c the "alarm clock"

--------------------
This song has no title...just words and a tune.

Instant Hi-C--Just add water...

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Spamamander in a pear tree
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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Dear school distrct-

Are you determined to drive me to complete and total insanity? First we have a three-day school week- teacher's workshop day followed by Veteran's Day. Next week is conferences, which means early release pretty much all week. After that will be another short week for Thanksgiving break. Just- take my kids! Please?

Dear employers in this area-

I understand we live in a multicultural region. It's just not fair that every single job requires applicants to be bilingual. It's placing people who didn't grow up in a Hispanic household at a severe disadvantage in finding work much of the time. I understand being able to communicate with clientele is the basis of most of these jobs. I just can't magically go out and become fluent in a second language to land an $8 per hour part-time job. Oh, and please accept that some people like me have been out of the work force a while, I don't have "professional references". Try looking at -me- instead of just the application. Please?

--------------------
"There is a race between mankind and the universe. Mankind is trying to build bigger, better, faster, and more foolproof machines. The universe is trying to build bigger, better, and faster fools. So far the universe is winning." -Albert Einstein

Posts: 1058 | From: Yakima, WA | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Flaming June
Deck the Malls


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BeowulfGirl,
All this hubbub about your blog peaked my interest and...ohmygod, best blog ever. I love it.

June

--------------------
Metaphors be with you!

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Nonny Mouse, on Santa's laptop
Once in Royal Circuit City


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quote:
Originally posted by Flaming June:
BeowulfGirl,
All this hubbub about your blog peaked my interest and...ohmygod, best blog ever. I love it.

June

BeowulfGirl,

You know some odd people, don't you?

Nonny

--------------------
When there isn't anything else worth analyzing, we examine our collective navel. I found thirty-six cents in change in mine the other day. Let no one say that there is no profit in philosophy. -- Silas Sparkhammer

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Algae
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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mrs. hi-c:

Obviously, you are not "a good fit" for the department because you do your job well, are punctual and try to make life easier for others.

Algae

--------------------
Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Don't drink and derive!

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AnglsWeHvHrdOnHiRdr
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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G--

You need to seek medical attention. No body was made to intake that much food and expel so much noxious gas.

Please do not ever sit by me again.

_____

Dear W-

You did try to warn me about G's flatulence and I thought you were exaggerating. How sorry I am that you were right, but thank you so much for the tip about the lotion trick. It worked like a charm!

--------------------
"When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty."--George Bernard Shaw

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Mad Jay
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by AnglRdr:


_____

Dear W-

You did try to warn me about G's flatulence and I thought you were exaggerating. How sorry I am that you were right, but thank you so much for the tip about the lotion trick. It worked like a charm!

Ahh, now I know why my cubicle neighbor is always putting hand lotion on

--------------------
Nico Sasha
In between my father's fields;And the citadels of the rule; Lies a no-man's land which I must cross; To find my stolen jewel.

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Pixiechic
Here We Come A-Mall Crawling


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Dear BeowulfGirl,

I am getting ready to start September (tomorrow as I've got to get some sleep tonight). I haven't laughed so hard in such a long time. Thank you for your wit and very fun writing style. You rock.

Pixie"fascinated"chic

PS I guess I sent it didn't I? [Big Grin]

--------------------
Pixiechic's MySpace page
Our Homepage

Posts: 381 | From: Las Vegas, NV | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Jocko's Jolly
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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quote:
Originally posted by Filet o' Spamamander:
Dear school distrct-

Are you determined to drive me to complete and total insanity? First we have a three-day school week- teacher's workshop day followed by Veteran's Day. Next week is conferences, which means early release pretty much all week. After that will be another short week for Thanksgiving break. Just- take my kids! Please?

We just had a five day weekend -- Friday, Monday and Tuesday off from school. Teacher conferences on Monday, the rest of the time was teacher planning time. I was NEVER so happy to see a Wednesday, lemme tell ya! And then we turn around and have a half-day the day before Thanksgiving and it's another 4 day weekend. Thank God for December -- only one half-day and no days off until Christmas!

--------------------
Like every good third-in-a-series it contains a whole load of ewoks, ‘Clubber’ Lang, whey-faced Sophia Coppola, Sean Connery as the Pirate Captain’s estranged dad, a crappy CGI alien, and Richard Pryor on a donkey. -- Gideon Defoe

Posts: 2211 | From: Harford County, MD | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
FrogFeathers
Grandma Got Run Over By a Gift Card


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The month of October, my high school kids didn't have a full school week at all. They had four days of "late start" (going in an noon) because the sophomores were testing (I have a freshman and a senior); they had conference days, they had a four day weekend just before Halloween for a "teacher's convention", and one week they had their monthly half-day for "teacher development".

--------------------
"Is it ME? Am I a MAGNET for these idiots?"~Pearl Forrester MST3K
Die-Hard Engineers, Big Red One my Dad's website
"Must be a 'snopes' thing..." ~my entire family when I try to explain something.

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Cinnamon
The First USA Noel


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Dear Otis,

I managed not to kill you for eating a hole in my futon didn't I? I know, it'll teach me to turn my back on you when you're being cute and look like you're going to sleep. However, can you please leave the damn walls alone? There is plenty in the flat for you to nibble, I don't want to have to replaster after you.

And stop trying to dig through my ankles when I'm playing with you on the floor. It's not fun.

Love,
the food provider

~~~~~
Dear self,

Find a vet and get them to show you how to trim his nails. That might mean less damage and fewer scratches.

He'll probably need his shots soon too.

Love,
C.

--------------------
My blog - a continuing obsession with my weight plus much randomness
My opinions on books, music, and other stuff

Posts: 845 | From: Gloucestershire, UK | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Amethyst Dragon
Deck the Malls


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Dear sinuses,
I hate abhor you. Please leave me alone, as nothing I do or take eases the pain you cause.
Unhappily,
the face you are planted in

Dear camera hubby bought off eBay,
You suck. Quit turning everything light colored blue. Stop making me have to open the battery door and remove the batteries halfway in order for you to turn on. If it werent for the fact that you weren't misrepresented in the auction (actually, none of this was mentioned in the auction) and for the fact that we've had you for a while now, I'd return your sorry butt to the seller. You're lucky I haven't thrown you against the wall.
Your owner

Dear Hubby,
I told you I wanted a camera from a store. With a printer dock. So I can send my grandparents pics of the kids. Brat.
But I still love you.
Me

Posts: 255 | From: New York | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
CherryQueen
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Dear Cop,
I thought it was okay to go. You weren't directing traffic. You walked away to do something else entirely. Screaming at me was uncalled for, especially after I apologized and started crying because you scared me. Calling me a bitch as I drove away got you a call to your seargent. Just because you wear a badge doesn't give you the right to be a dick-head.

CQ

--------------------
"Hilariously, he pronounces "Sauron" as "Sore-on", which sounds like something you apply directly to facial herpes."--theagonybooth.com

Posts: 2037 | From: Reston, VA | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
DawnStorm
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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Dear AnglRdr--
Sounds like a haz-mat situation.

--------------------
Leashes?! We don't need no stinking leashes!!

Posts: 4771 | From: The Berkeley of the East Coast: Montgomery County MD | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Karmyn
Jingle Bell Hock


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Dear Aunt S,
Yes, it's nice that you are going to Uncle Arthur's funeral. Just please don't wear your slut boots like you did to Grandma's funeral. That was tacky. Also, why are you letting your son miss school to go? He met Uncle Arthur once when he was five years old. Does he even go to school anymore?
Also, go see Grandpa more often. He won't be around forever and he misses you. Or at least call once in a while.

Love,
your neice

--------------------
"I have a very cunning plan."

Posts: 506 | From: Texas | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Spamamander in a pear tree
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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[hijack from Karmyn]
Funeral attire! Does anyone attempt to dress appropriately for anything anymore? Last weekend I attended the service for a woman who was very much my "second mother" when I was growing up. I knew that most of the people we were aquainted with wouldn't be in "dressy attire" for the most part so I didn't wish to over-dress, I wore a nice pair of gray casual slacks and a dark sweater-type blouse with flats, and made sure I did my makeup and hair to still be presentable after an 80+ mile drive.

Most of the older ladies and gentlemen were dressed to the nines, as many were from the OddFellows and Rebeckah lodges this lady was active in, and they dress formally at any function. Some of the others, even people my age and older, were dressed in jeans and such. Not even necessarily nice jeans!

I understand people not having an extensive wardrobe (heck, that pair of slacks is really about the only one I own) but would it be that difficult to make an -attempt- for important events, such as weddings or funerals? grrrrr.

[/end hijack]

--------------------
"There is a race between mankind and the universe. Mankind is trying to build bigger, better, faster, and more foolproof machines. The universe is trying to build bigger, better, and faster fools. So far the universe is winning." -Albert Einstein

Posts: 1058 | From: Yakima, WA | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Rob D / Blackwolf, the yule dodo
Deck the Malls


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Dear Amethyst Dragon.

After reading about your sinuses and that no medication helps with them, have you considered the chance that it might be a migraine? Sometimes they come in the disguise of a migraine (as once told here on Snopes.com), thus the sinus meds dont help, but Excedrin PM might. Thus, before you go and try to scrape them clean with a screwdriver, you might try that, if you havent yet.

Your fellow Snopester
Rob D, the now wet dodo

--------------------
~Reality, the refuge of those who fail in RPGs~
aka Darkfist Dragon
-==(UDIC)==-

Posts: 334 | From: Lancaster, Ohio | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Amethyst Dragon
Deck the Malls


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Dear Rob D,
I own stock in Excedrine Migraine. Or I would if I had a stockbroker. At least once a month there is a bottle of 100 caplets in my grocery cart (thanks Mom). Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't. It's a crap shoot. When it doesnt help, then I know it's a sinus thing, and then I hate to take anything else because I had just taken some pills not much earlier. I kinda want to keep my stomach lining in tact as much as possible.
*sigh* I want a new head [Frown]

Amethyst "philips or flat? hex?" Dragon

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DawnStorm
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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Dear facilities management:
Would you PLEASE, pretty please with a cup of sugar on top stop scaring the bejeebers out of me with the almost daily buzzer announcing the end of fire alarm testing?? I'm minding my own business, doing some work, and all of a sudden BEEEEEPPPP!!! followed by the announcement that alarm testing is now done. I'll have you know that none of us even knew that testing was being conducted! I'm tired of jumping three feet in the air and swearing as I come down.

Signed--
the worker on the 8th floor.

Dawn--plus there's the added burden of having to bring a change of clothes to work--Storm

--------------------
Leashes?! We don't need no stinking leashes!!

Posts: 4771 | From: The Berkeley of the East Coast: Montgomery County MD | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
BlushingBride
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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Dear DH,

Thank you for being such an angel while I've been sick. It was so wonderful of you to bring me my favorite things for dinner two nights in a row. Especially the rice pudding and pineapple I've been craving for weeks. And I didn't even tell you!

Thank you also for your patience and sweetness and just general groovitude. You make feeling miserable much more bearable.

Love,
Your adoring (but rather feverish) wife

--------------------
"In perfume, as in underwear, the scantiest of applications provides the greatest of returns." -Silas Sparkhammer

Posts: 858 | From: Arlington, Texas | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Tam
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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Dear BeowulfGirl,

I love your blog! I've been reading it for a few months now, and it makes me very happy whenever I check in and find a new story. I forwarded the link to my SO last month, and now he is hooked too.

- Tam

--------------------
"I just grabbed a teddy bear, a little princess crown, and stuck my thumb in my mouth. Now I feel kinda silly." - ChildofMusic

Posts: 129 | From: California | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
TurquoiseGirl
The "Was on Sale" Song


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quote:
Originally posted by LizzyBabelfish:
Bipolar/Boarderline Personality Disorder,

You are not going to get the better of me, damn it. I'm going to fight you both, no matter what it takes.

Me

Dear Lizzy,

We know you can do it! I would give those two things a smack of my own if I could.

Keep the faith!
TGirl

--------------------
There are people who drive really nice cars who feel that [those] cars won't be as special if other people drive them too. Where I come from, we call those people "selfish self-satisfied gits." -Chloe

Posts: 6995 | From: New Mexico | Registered: Oct 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
WonkoTheSane
Happy Holly Days


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Dear UPS,

Please stop using my boxes of sensitive electronic components as wheel chocks for your trucks. I know it's convenient, but new brakes aren't that expensive.

Wonko

--------------------
"It seemed to me that any civilization that had so far lost its head as to need to include detailed instructions for use in a package of toothpicks, was no longer a civilzation in which I could live and stay sane."

Posts: 1462 | From: Outside the Asylum (Massachusetts) | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
underfire and overrated
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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Dear Neighbors,

When you started playing all the musical hits from the 90's I thought it was kind of fun. Sure, y'all play music cosntantly but your music tastes are generally not too bad. The night you played "Crazy Frog" over and over at 2:30 am was a little over the top but I let it go because you were both drunk and otherwise pretty quiet.

But if I hear "American Girl" one more time this week I might snap. It was fun the first time, kind of nostalgic, you know? I'm sick of it now, though. I hear it at least 4 times a day now and you've been doing this since Monday. So she likes to do childish, girly things like wear bows in her hair and sign her letter xoxo. Ok. I don't care.

So please, turn it off. I'll stop drowning you out with Green Day and The Producers soundtrack if you'll turn it off, promise.

-under"At least they stopped playing 'Long Black Train'"fire

--------------------
I'm not a beautiful and unique snowflake! I am the all-singing all-dancing crap of the world.

Posts: 111 | From: Tennessee | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
AQB, Max's DHB
Santa eBayby


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quote:
Originally posted by underfire and overrated:

But if I hear "American Girl" one more time this week I might snap.

Ain't a jury in the world would convict you if you did. ::shudder::

--------------------
"The Potato Festival will never be the same without Evelena." (from an obituary in the Charleston, WV, Gazette)

Posts: 215 | From: living here in Allentown, PA | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Noemi
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Dear cats:

A couple of things.

One, why are you guys tearing around the house tonight? I'm a bit afraid to get up from my chair for fear that I'm going to get run over.

Second, could you guys please stop standing up while peeing? Or if you are please make sure your butt is not aimed towards the door of the litterbox? (And could you please explain to me why it seems like the girls are doing it more than anyone else?)

Thanks

The help

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Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
My blog, no guarantees about witty or intelligent content. My current projects.
Coveted Beads <---- our eBay store, new items being added somewhat regularly

Posts: 8418 | From: Wyoming | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
DawnStorm
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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Dear Corel--
Would it have killed you to have a stand-alone version of Word Perfect? I guess it would've because in order to get a new hope-it-plays-well-with-XP, I have to get a whole bunch of other stuff that I don't need. [Mad]
Sorry to say good bye, but there are other stand-alone programs out there. I've already Googled some.

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Leashes?! We don't need no stinking leashes!!

Posts: 4771 | From: The Berkeley of the East Coast: Montgomery County MD | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
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