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» Hello snopes.com » SLC Central » Rantidote » Letters You Wish You Could Send - November 2006 (Page 4)

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Author Topic: Letters You Wish You Could Send - November 2006
Mistletoey Chloe
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Dear brain,

You don't need to have all the blood all the time. It's greedy. When I'm in the gym and other muscles and organs are having their turn, there's no need to try to make me fall down.

Sincerely,

Your owner

Dear blood pressure,

You have one job to do. One. What is it you want from me? More salt? More stress? You're the reason I don't give blood, remember; don't make me hate you.

Sincerely,

Your owner

Dear self,

Do not get over-excited. Do not buy champagne. Have you forgotten 2004 so soon?

Restrainedly,

Chloe

--------------------
~~Ai am in mai prrrrrraime!~~

Posts: 10111 | From: Oklahoma | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Ramblin' Dave, quietly making noise
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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quote:
Originally posted by Flowy Chloe:
Dear self,

Do not get over-excited. Do not buy champagne. Have you forgotten 2004 so soon?

Restrainedly,

Chloe

Dear Chloe,

Thanks for reminding me why I really don't need to set my alarm clock for 3:00 a.m. on Wednesday just to check the returns. I, too, haven't forgotten 2004, when my then-SO asked me if I'd like her to go away for the weekend. [Wink]

Oops, I guess I did send this one, sort of. [lol]

--------------------
Another lifetime I'd have fallen in love with you
Swept away by my feelings, ashamed and confused
But just now it's enough to be walking with you
Let the mystery play as it will! -Lui Collins

Posts: 2669 | From: Jouy en Josas, France | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
FrogFeathers
Grandma Got Run Over By a Gift Card


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Dear missing paperwork,

PLEASE! Reappear! Dammit! Gah!

I need you!

~signed,
frantic woman

--------------------
"Is it ME? Am I a MAGNET for these idiots?"~Pearl Forrester MST3K
Die-Hard Engineers, Big Red One my Dad's website
"Must be a 'snopes' thing..." ~my entire family when I try to explain something.

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Karmyn
Jingle Bell Hock


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Dear campaign comercials,
Had I not already voted, none of the zillions of comercials would convince me to vote for anybody ever again. Take a lesson from Dah Kinster and keep it nice and simple.
I voted Kinky.

Dear self,
The bad weather gave you another chance to study. Use it.

Love,
yourself

Mario Williams,
You are a bully and a vastly overrated player. Stop abusing the other team's quarterback.

Dear everybody involved in making the Simpsons,
Last night's ToH episode was horrible. I kept waiting for something interesting to happen and nothing did. So much potential wasted. I missed the beginning of the Colts-Patriots game for that drivel?
No love,
an ex-fan

Dear Zorro,
How much screaming at the TV during the Giants-Texans game did your husband do? I did plenty, especially at Mario Williams. I even called Eli 'honey' out loud. Surreal moment for sure.

Dear Eli Manning,
I'm in total lust with your brother so please stop creeping up in the fantasy. You're cute, but young for me.

--------------------
"I have a very cunning plan."

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TurquoiseGirl
The "Was on Sale" Song


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Dear Snopesters: On this date 2 years ago, I discovered that my exH was having an affair. I posted here before I even went home to confront him-- and was able to do so because of the support I got that day.

I want to thank each and everyone one of you that was there that day, and those who have helped subsequently, for all the support, kicks in the butt, kind words, and the times you told me I was not crazy and things were really going to get better.

Two years later and life is actually very good. Much better than I can ever have imagined. There are a few residuals that come up from time to time (mostly financial at this point, but sometimes emotional). I know that I did a lot of hard work to get where I am now, but it would have been much harder without this community.

Thank you so much!
Kathryn

--------------------
There are people who drive really nice cars who feel that [those] cars won't be as special if other people drive them too. Where I come from, we call those people "selfish self-satisfied gits." -Chloe

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BeowulfGirl
Happy Holly Days


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Dear Rick,

I am not going out for a drink with you! Dude, I'm your professor! Even if I was the type of professor to date my students (which I'm not), you're totally not my type. First of all, I'm about 15 years older than you, and secondly, I like men who are literate and who don't drool. Leave me alone, you creepy, creepy man!

No love,

--BeowulfGirl

--------------------
Please visit my blog and leave a comment! It's all pretty and pink and quite funny. Go here: http://beowulfgirl.blogspot.com/

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Mistletoey Chloe
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Ha! I just posted about my weird course evaluation, but reading about your classes never fails to make me feel better!

--------------------
~~Ai am in mai prrrrrraime!~~

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Algae
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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BeowulfGirl:

Thank you for updating your blog and letting us have glimpses into your life and crazy students. Like Chloe, it makes me laugh.

Algae

--------------------
Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Don't drink and derive!

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Deep Blue
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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T-girl, congrats on having the courage to do what you did.

My 2 year anniversary of leaving my abusive controlling ex is on 11/11. Seems like we both have cause to celibrate this week.

Life for me is also much better than I could have ever imagined!

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Barbara
Layaway in a Manger


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Dear Turquoise Girl:

We did the yelling, but you did the work. You're awesome.

Yours truly,
All of us

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TallGeekyGirl
O Read, O Read, The Manual


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Dear Co-worker,

Welcoming me back from vacation was nice enough, but telling me that you were glad to see me because it meant an end to the backlog caused by my absence was a nice touch. I was flattered, honestly. It's nice to know that one's work is appreciated. Thank you, sincerely. [Smile]

TGG

--------------------
See, if I tell you about it, it won't be a mystery. It'll just be a fact, an ugly, moist fact, squatting on your brain like an octopus. And you don't want an octopus squatting on your brain, do you, son? -- Stan Smith, American Dad

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clemtinker
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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Dear neighbor:
You're right, I didn't decorate for Halloween, and will probably do minimal or no decorating for Christmas. Yes, I realize your house looks like Martha Stewart lives there (both inside and outside), but she doesn't live here. Nor do I want her to. And the snide comments about it can stop, I barely speak to you as is because you drive me freakin' insane. And as for vaccuuming at 5 am, you need therapy and lots of it!

Dear SO:

I swear as God is my witness if you let the neighbor brow beat you into climbing on the roof this year to string lights, I will leave you on the ground (if you fall like you almost did last year). And no, you can NOT go halvies on a cherry picker so that you and them can reach the absolute tops of the roofs to string lights.

Dear Congress:

Please get off your sorry excuse of a behind and sign the flippin' budget so that the SO and many others can go back to work!!!!

Posts: 30 | From: Martinsburg, WV | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
The Fourth Man
Deck the Malls


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Dear P,

NFBSK you, man. Okay, leaving your wife and sons out of the blue and moving across the country just to go and screw your Sugar Plum(tm) was a shitty thing to do, but it's not like you really were a part of their lives in the first place anyway. I mean, in the two and a half years I've known your oldest, I've probably spent more time with and paid more attention to the poor kid than you ever did in his whole lifetime.

But seriously, your latest antics are something I can't even begin to wrap my mind around. He sends you a present, which happens to feature a cross, and, since Sugar Plum is a Muslim and you presumably don't want to hurt her feelings, you dare return the present to him? Perhaps you think that it's okay to hurt his feelings, since he's a boy and boys are supposed to be tough? Perhaps you just don't care? Whatever the reason, that was callous and unforgiveable. I hope karma has something really nice in store for you. Arsehole.

Disgustedly,

The guy who's there to pick up the pieces

--------------------
If you keep trying, you'll eventually succeed. Therefore, the more you fail, the higher your chances of success.
-- Jacques Rouxel, 1931-2004 RIP :(

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Loyhargil
We Three Blings


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Dear T-Girl,

The best part is, a couple of years from now, you'll start forgetting the anniversary of it. You'll never forget the crap, but you'll forget the crap anniversaries. It'll feel WAY good!

Loyhargil

--------------------
Bender: Oh cruel fate, to be thusly boned. Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee.

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Jocko's Jolly
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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quote:
Originally posted by Loyhargil:
Dear T-Girl,

The best part is, a couple of years from now, you'll start forgetting the anniversary of it. You'll never forget the crap, but you'll forget the crap anniversaries. It'll feel WAY good!

Loyhargil

Yeah, it's ALWAYS all right to forget the crapiversaries! I remember the year of mine (1984 suck for anyone else?), but not the actual date. I could pick it out on a calendar of the year, though, so it never actually goes away. Alas.

--------------------
Like every good third-in-a-series it contains a whole load of ewoks, ‘Clubber’ Lang, whey-faced Sophia Coppola, Sean Connery as the Pirate Captain’s estranged dad, a crappy CGI alien, and Richard Pryor on a donkey. -- Gideon Defoe

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TurquoiseGirl
The "Was on Sale" Song


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Dear Loyhargil and Jocko,
Thanks! I am looking forward to that day!.
TGirl

Dear Barbara,

I know you are some random internet person whose opinion shouldn't really matter, but thanks! Your comment totally made my day!
TGirl

--------------------
There are people who drive really nice cars who feel that [those] cars won't be as special if other people drive them too. Where I come from, we call those people "selfish self-satisfied gits." -Chloe

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Elwood
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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Dear company management,

Would you mind being clear as to how long exactly it as that I am to work out of state, away from friends and family? I was asked to cover a position for two weeks, which gave way to three and now six. I am promised some kind of bonus for my efforts but no figure has been offered. I value my job and am happy to contribute to the company's success, but I really feel that honesty would have been the best policy. If you need me for six weeks or more, just say so, make the compensation clear and let me decide if it is worth it.

P.S. Please consider upgrading my hotel to one that has better cable and in-room refridgerators.

--------------------
"If I didn't see it and didn't know it was a real news report, I wouldn't believe it. I mean, how nutty can you get?"-Pat Robertson Oct 26, 2006.

Posts: 2936 | From: Mean Streets of West Virginia | Registered: Feb 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
I'mNotDedalus
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Dear co-worker at the libary:

You've told me before that you've never heard of Auschwitz. And today, I watched you awkwardly hand a patron over to Reference when they stumped you with: “Do you have any copies of 1984?”

...Why the hell do you work at a library!?!

I mean, you've worked here for a decade! A friggin' decade! I realize many of our patrons would prefer if we simply changed our institution's name to "Blockbuster Video." But you're on the staff! What are you doing here!?

--------------------
The salty fragrance of L’Eau D’I’mNotDedalus - made entirely of and entirely for sea turtles.

Posts: 1983 | From: Chicagoland, IL | Registered: Feb 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
frogpond
Jingle Sales


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quote:
Originally posted by I'mNotDedalus:
Dear co-worker at the libary:

You've told me before that you've never heard of Auschwitz. And today, I watched you awkwardly hand a patron over to Reference when they stumped you with: “Do you have any copies of 1984?”

...Why the hell do you work at a library!?!

I mean, you've worked here for a decade! A friggin' decade! I realize many of our patrons would prefer if we simply changed our institution's name to "Blockbuster Video." But you're on the staff! What are you doing here!?

[Eek!]
Egad! Just how old is this person, by the way?

--------------------
So many books, so little time.

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I'mNotDedalus
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Same age as me: 24

ETA: She started as a part-time shelver when she was in middle school, kept at it, rose in the ranks, and is now full-time Circulation. Hmmm...She likes to say she's been there for a decade, but now that I examine it, it's probably more akin to 7 or 8 years. Unless, of course, she thinks that's equivalent to a decade, which may very well be the case.

*sigh* She can be nice. But she can also be very racist. She's just altogether..well..ignorant. Grew up in this crummy city her whole life and has neither aspirations nor ambitions to leave.

--------------------
The salty fragrance of L’Eau D’I’mNotDedalus - made entirely of and entirely for sea turtles.

Posts: 1983 | From: Chicagoland, IL | Registered: Feb 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
tribrats
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Dear Hubby,

I'm glad you do things with the kids. I'm glad you teach them things. HOWEVER, do you really think it is the smartest thing you have done to teach your son to snap coins?!?!

You put a dent in the wall. You hit the door window hard enough that you had to check to make sure you didn't break it. You will replace anything he breaks with his new-found talent.

Your less than amused yet quite impressed wife.

--------------------
Snopes is moving! Here's snopes' announcement.
Come here to re-register!

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Rhiandmoi
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by I'mNotDedalus:
Same age as me: 24

ETA: She started as a part-time shelver when she was in middle school, kept at it, rose in the ranks, and is now full-time Circulation. Hmmm...She likes to say she's been there for a decade, but now that I examine it, it's probably more akin to 7 or 8 years. Unless, of course, she thinks that's equivalent to a decade, which may very well be the case.

*sigh* She can be nice. But she can also be very racist. She's just altogether..well..ignorant. Grew up in this crummy city her whole life and has neither aspirations nor ambitions to leave.

Well if she started HS in 1996 (which I would guess from her age), and she started working at the library that same year, that would make it a decade.

--------------------
I think that hyperbole is the single greatest factor contributing to the decline of society. - My friend Pat.

What is .02 worth?

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frogpond
Jingle Sales


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quote:
Originally posted by I'mNotDedalus:
Same age as me: 24

ETA: She started as a part-time shelver when she was in middle school, kept at it, rose in the ranks, and is now full-time Circulation. Hmmm...She likes to say she's been there for a decade, but now that I examine it, it's probably more akin to 7 or 8 years. Unless, of course, she thinks that's equivalent to a decade, which may very well be the case.

*sigh* She can be nice. But she can also be very racist. She's just altogether..well..ignorant. Grew up in this crummy city her whole life and has neither aspirations nor ambitions to leave.

I did wonder about that decade statement.

I guess I'm fortunate that the director here believes that employees of an academic library need to have a college education at the least. I won't claim that every employee is devoted to learning but they at least take some pride in knowing the collection and doing a good job.

--------------------
So many books, so little time.

Posts: 1192 | From: McDonough, Georgia | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
I'mNotDedalus
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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quote:
Originally posted by Rhiandmoi:
Well if she started HS in 1996 (which I would guess from her age), and she started working at the library that same year, that would make it a decade.

That's the time-line, right there. So, it would appear "decade" is correct. Just as is apparent some of my unduly criticism. It's been a long day.

--------------------
The salty fragrance of L’Eau D’I’mNotDedalus - made entirely of and entirely for sea turtles.

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Noemi
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Dear Pookie:

I know it's been a really long time but I wanted to let you know that we have learned from what happened to you and we pay really close attention to the cats that are in out lives now. I'm hoping that it's soon enough.

Mom

--------------------
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
My blog, no guarantees about witty or intelligent content. My current projects.
Coveted Beads <---- our eBay store, new items being added somewhat regularly

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BringTheNoise
Xboxing Day


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Dear Landlord,

Thanks for giving me some kind of crazy electronic key that has stop functioning and left me locked out of the block. I'm sure I'll have fun trying to sleep here in the computing lab. Expect lots of anger tomorrow morning, assuming I can get in during the morning.

-BringTheNoise

--------------------
"The United States Government: significantly less cruel and sadistic than the Taliban." - Dara

Posts: 1289 | From: Aberdeen University, Aberdeen, UK | Registered: Nov 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Egg Note
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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Dear television stations across the nation,

After tomorrow ends, please for the love of all that is good in this dark world, never show any political ads ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever again. Or at least until 2008 rolls around.

Love,
Note.

P.S. I really want that head-hitting-brick-wall emoticon back. [Frown]

P.P.S. I think I figured out that 50% of my frustration is coming from this freaking beard.

--------------------
Okay, just to make it clear, there is a real world out there. No really, there is. I checked.

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Zabia
Deck the Malls


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Dear self,
STOP IT! (sorry for the yelling, but I need it.) You know what this means, nothing. You aren't going to get what you want and honestly, what you want isn't good for you, in any way shape or form. How many times do you have to learn this lesson? Why is this such a weak spot? Spot it, just stop it!

Gah, I don't want to learn the lesson, but will lose a lot if I don't stop being stupid.
Seriously, don't even think about it.
DO NOT BE STUPID,
Za

--------------------
We frettered around like farm animals, looking around for formulas and father figures. -Twilight Zone

Posts: 425 | From: Lynchburg, VA | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Signora Del Drago
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


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Dear T-Girl,

I wasn't here from the beginning but have since learned of your struggle, of your courage, of your grace, and of your compassion for others. I salute you.

One day, the date of 11/06 will pass you by without even one resulting twinge of remembrance. I promise.

Enjoy yourself. You deserve it.

Love,

SDD

--------------------
"This air we're breathing. Oxygen, isn't it?"~I’mNotDedalus, impersonating Vincent D’Onofrio.|"Sometimes trying to communicate can be like walking through a minefield."~wanderwoman
"Give people a break. It's not easy doing a life."~Joshua Halberstam

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FuzzDuckie
Happy Holly Days


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quote:
Originally posted by monkey:

Dear Andrew,

Mommy really needs you to start using words, baby. Grunting and making faces and then screaming if we don't get it just isn't working for me anymore. Please start talking soon. Mommy's trying her hardest to help you learn.

-- your haggard mommy

Dear Monkey-

In time it will come. We went through this with my nephew. He'd scream, grunt, point but barely spoke any words until he was at least past 2 1/2. He's now nearly 4 and a chatterbox. Just keep encouraging the lil fella and take notice of anything he tries!

Fuzz, whose favorite nephewism is still "It's darking!", Duckie

--------------------
Clever Waste of Time Invasion IV
An unique Riddle adventure.
PM me for more info. I'm on Brain Candy.
Purple Hell- Riddle Tools

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Canuckistan
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by Barbara:
Dear Turquoise Girl:

We did the yelling, but you did the work. You're awesome.

Yours truly,
All of us

What Barbara said. [Smile]

--------------------
People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

Posts: 8429 | From: New York run by the Swiss (Toronto) | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Manzanita SOL
I Saw Three Shipments


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Dear 'Not-But-Close-To-Boyfriend',

It's been over a month. I heard you're not doing well. I'm worried sick about you. I know you can't call but why oh why can't you just send an email? You tell me you fly out from NM to see me graduate because you know how important it is to me, spend all week with me because I haven't seen you in a year, and then do the disappearing act again. That's messed up.
You're in the wrong, and you know it, and I don't know why I'm still here.
My mother wants to meet you again.

Sincerely
"The Fox"


And this one I will boldface so that you are certain I mean it.

Dear Snopesters,

Thanks for accepting me on the board! I've not even finished initiation and I already feel welcome. Months of lurking paid off.

~Manza


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Take a step outside the planet,
Then turn around and round
Take a look at where you are
It's pretty scary.
--"Turnaround" - Nirvana

Posts: 60 | From: Richmond (Glen Allen), VA | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Barbara
Layaway in a Manger


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quote:
Originally posted by Manzanita SOL:
Dear 'Not-But-Close-To-Boyfriend',

It's been over a month. I heard you're not doing well. I'm worried sick about you. I know you can't call but why oh why can't you just send an email?

Save yourself further months of heartache by reading "He's Just Not That Into You" or, if not the whole book, at least this excerpt.

The book's one simple message is well worth taking in even at the cost of having to read something written in a style I can only describe as "bludgeoning."

Barbara "prose it ain't, but it is good for what ails you" Mikkelson

Posts: 2511 | From: Los Angeles, CA | Registered: Feb 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Ramblin' Dave, quietly making noise
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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quote:
Originally posted by Signora Del Drago:
Dear T-Girl,

I wasn't here from the beginning but have since learned of your struggle, of your courage, of your grace, and of your compassion for others. I salute you.

Seconded! I wasn't there, but I care! [Smile] Hope it wasn't too bad for you.

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Another lifetime I'd have fallen in love with you
Swept away by my feelings, ashamed and confused
But just now it's enough to be walking with you
Let the mystery play as it will! -Lui Collins

Posts: 2669 | From: Jouy en Josas, France | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Menolly
We Three Blings


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Dear BIL,
You are doing great. The docs say you will be going home soon. Proud of you for working so hard to regain use of your left arm and leg. Hats off to you for the upbeat attitude as well.

However, for days you've been pressing the point that you *have* to get a pass to go vote today and I'm losing respect for you anyway. You're still in a wheelchair. Your heartrate is still bouncing around sending the nurses' signal when you get excited or aggravated. You can miss this one, pal. Grow up; you're acting seriously childish about this.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear son,
I'm so sorry you lost your friend. If you had told me you wanted me to go with you to the funeral today, I would have, you know that. But I'm glad you have your girlfriend's parents to drive all of you there, in a big comfortable van so you can be together. I'm here when you come out of your dark place and want to talk, but take your time. My heart hurts for you right now.
Love - Mom "less than three"
ETA: 2nd letter and clarity

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Let's just pretend we're normal for a minute ~ New favorite T-shirt quote

Posts: 1193 | From: Ohio | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
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