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Author Topic: Darn feelings, hope this is normal.
cubbie
Deck the Malls


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Yesterday my ex-boyfriend told me he was getting married. Naturally I'm very happy for him, but a little part of me just wants to cry my eyes out. The odd part is it never bothered me before when he talked about his girlfriend (now future wife).Is this normal?

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i reject reality and submit my own

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Rob D / Blackwolf, the yule dodo
Deck the Malls


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Yep it is.
I think once you loved someone you usually continue to partially love him/her. And when that person marries someone else, it can be a sad but also a happy thing.
Thats normal.

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~Reality, the refuge of those who fail in RPGs~
aka Darkfist Dragon
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Purple Iguana
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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I think it depends on the circumstances under which the two of you broke up. If you broke up with him because he was a jerk, it seems a little odd that you would be upset by this news. If he broke up with you and it took you by surprise, it seems absolutely normal.

I think it is always a little sad that someone we once loved could be happy without us. As long as you don't plan to go all obsessive and disrupt the wedding or anything silly like that, I think you're just fine.

HUGS

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cubbie
Deck the Malls


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We broke up because his family didn't approve because of religious reasons, but we remaided very close friends afterward.

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i reject reality and submit my own

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Lainie
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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I broke up with my college boyfriend because I was a jerk. And I was a little upset for a while when he later got engaged.

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How homophobic do you have to be to have penguin gaydar? - Lewis Black

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remigo
Deck the Malls


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Darn feelings indeed. Cubbie, you're completely normal and don't deny yourself the right to cry for a while.

But if you can't stop crying... I'm working on a process where I can cryogenically freeze my heart so that the pain is numbed until such a time if/when I find love again and need it.

I'm starting to think I could find quite a decent market for such technology. I'll be rich and cold-hearted mwhahaha - life will be perfect!

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If you don't cry it isn't love
If you don't cry then you just don't feel it deep enough

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Purple Iguana
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Then it makes perfect sense, cubbie. It will pass. [Smile]

Lainie... did you typo? Regardless, I stand by what I said before that it's always a little sad that someone we once loved could be happy without us... even if you don't LIKE them anymore, the heart always seems to be tethered by a tiny thread of love.

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If I manage to post something swipe-worthy that you would like to make your sig, you may do so with my blessing.

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Cinnamon
The First USA Noel


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Totally understandable cubbie. We can't help the way we feel. {{hugs}} and I hope you feel better.

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candycane from strangers
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


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quote:
Originally posted by remigo:
But if you can't stop crying... I'm working on a process where I can cryogenically freeze my heart so that the pain is numbed until such a time if/when I find love again and need it.

I'm starting to think I could find quite a decent market for such technology. I'll be rich and cold-hearted mwhahaha - life will be perfect!

I'm at least one person who would pay some dollars for that.

(((((hugs))))) cubbie. Stuff sucks [Frown]

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A: "You contributed to the deliquency of a minor in drag!"
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Mosherette
Deck the Malls


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Feelings don't tend to be rational, cubbie, and yes, it's completely normal. When I heard my irst boyfriend had got married, about five years after we split up, a little part of me went hmph as well.

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Silence should never under any circumstances be construed as agreement. A lot of the time, it's simply a reflection that someone just said something so stupid that no response could possibly do it justice. - Ramblin' Dave

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Salamander
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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quote:
Originally posted by Mosherette:
Feelings don't tend to be rational, cubbie, and yes, it's completely normal. When I heard my irst boyfriend had got married, about five years after we split up, a little part of me went hmph as well.

The rest of her snuck into the wedding reception and poured liquid laxative into the punch bowl.

[lol]

Sorry, couldn't help myself.

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"victory thru self-deception"

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cubbie
Deck the Malls


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Part of me wants to go and give him a good wack over the head with a baseball bat [fish]

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i reject reality and submit my own

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Ryda Wong, EBfCo.
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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Hey cubbie, I just wanted to offer sympathy and support.

I tend to close down my emotions, or at, the very least, subject them to intensly logical scrutiny. However, my most recent ex.....Sigh. I know very well our realtionship was toxic and he couldn't give me what I needed, and I've found another person whom I love and desire and we have an excellent relationship. But....

I just saw that ex for the first time since the breakup and, boy howdy. I go back to being 15. He just has that effect. I'll never stop having tumultuous feelings towards him. And I never want to go through anything so self-abasing as our relationship again, but if I saw him with another woman, my ears would spout steam.

To put it shortly, it sucks. Damn emotions, sucky little things.

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Lainie
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by Purple Iguana:
Lainie... did you typo?

Nope. He was a good guy. I was a jerk and made a stupid decision. It was a long time ago, and I've made my peace with it.

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How homophobic do you have to be to have penguin gaydar? - Lewis Black

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Photo Spread
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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When my ex-husband was dating others, that didn't bother me. When he told me he was getting married, that hurt a lot. As best I could figure out my emotions at the time, I was upset that he was happy and going to be 'living happily ever after' again, and I wasn't. Not that it's rational, but I spent a while crying into my pillow.

So you have every right to cry - even if it's irrational. [Smile]

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Mistletoey Chloe
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Cubbie,

If you could have him back right now, would you?

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STF
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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I'm remarried and don't worry too much about the ex-wife, but I think it would bother me to some small degree when I find out she's getting married. I don't think that's really abnormal either. I don't know if it bothered her at all when I got remarried though.

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Santa Mari-a
Happy Holly Days


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To add my two cents belatedly, yes, your feelings are perfectly normal. To cite my own experience: It hurt a lot when a long-time male friend (who was probably never destined to be more than a friend) fell in love with someone else and got married in record time. This is a guy who could spend the whole afternoon picking out a grapefruit, so it really threw me for a loop that he was making such a major decision so fast. But they've been married 20+ years, so I guess it was right.

My one bit of advice to you is, cry all you want in private and vent to your friends, but don't show any unhappiness in front of your ex-boyfriend and his new love. If you show nothing but happiness, she will think, "Why is cubbie so glad to be rid of him?" [Wink]

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cubbie
Deck the Malls


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Thanks guys, I'm feeling alot better now, epsecially after alot of ranting in my journal.

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i reject reality and submit my own

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BeowulfGirl
Happy Holly Days


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cubbie, let me throw in my two cents as well. I've been divorced for six years now, and I still dream about my ex-husband at least twice a week. While I never seem to dwell on him during the day, apparently he's in my subconscious.

(Of course, my situation is aggravated by the fact that I have Borderline Personality Disorder, which I'm assuming you don't have--hopefully!)

Keep writing in your journal. And make a voodoo doll. [Smile]

--BeowulfGirl

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cubbie
Deck the Malls


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Yea, I'm plaining on making a voodoo doll now, thanks for the idea Beowulf.

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i reject reality and submit my own

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cubbie
Deck the Malls


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Glowy,
I think I would take him back if our families didn't have an issue with being different religions.

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i reject reality and submit my own

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NeeCD
Happy Holly Days


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quote:
Originally posted by Lainie:
quote:
Originally posted by Purple Iguana:
Lainie... did you typo?

Nope. He was a good guy. I was a jerk and made a stupid decision. It was a long time ago, and I've made my peace with it.
I did the same thing to my high school boyfriend. He was the best guy I ever dated, and I refer to him as the keeper that I caught and released. I found out he was getting married when I saw his engagement announcement in the paper (with a picture) - at least she looked like someone I would like (not that that matters, but it made me feel better for some reason). A few years later I ran into him in the grocery store and he showed me a picture of his little boy (only 8mo at the time), and two years ago I saw him and his son at the Fourth of July festival that the town has every year. It always leaves me feeling a bit down when I do see him, but I can honestly say that I'm happy for him, all these years later.

Still, cubby, your feelings are completely understandable, especially if you broke up because of family and not because that was what you wanted.

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Lainie
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by NeeCD:
quote:
Originally posted by Lainie:
quote:
Originally posted by Purple Iguana:
Lainie... did you typo?

Nope. He was a good guy. I was a jerk and made a stupid decision. It was a long time ago, and I've made my peace with it.
I did the same thing to my high school boyfriend. He was the best guy I ever dated, and I refer to him as the keeper that I caught and released.
I got back in touch with my college BF a couple years ago -- found his address and sent him a b-day card. We emailed for a while, until I switched jobs. I found it a positive experience; I hope he did, too.

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cubbie
Deck the Malls


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Well today is the day my ex- BF is getting married. Damn him.

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i reject reality and submit my own

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Ramblin' Dave, quietly making noise
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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quote:
Originally posted by poisoned candy from strangers:
quote:
Originally posted by remigo:
But if you can't stop crying... I'm working on a process where I can cryogenically freeze my heart so that the pain is numbed until such a time if/when I find love again and need it.

I'm at least one person who would pay some dollars for that.


Want to split the cost and share it? I'm not sure whether it's worse being interested in someone who has only just broken up with someone and says she's in no mood to date...or seeing that someone hanging on your best friend's arm tonight! I'm pretty sure they're just friends, but something about that just brings out the jealous kid in me, even though I have nothing to be jealous of anyhow. And to think I was so good at keeping things locked up for the past year and change...

More (((hugs))) coming your way, Cubbie, and rest assured that you're not alone in thinking love stinks!

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Another lifetime I'd have fallen in love with you
Swept away by my feelings, ashamed and confused
But just now it's enough to be walking with you
Let the mystery play as it will! -Lui Collins

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ChickyBee
Deck the Malls


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When I found out my ex had fallen in love with someone new, I went out and got drunk. He told me that when he found out about me moving in with the Rooster, he went and got drunk. And he recently confessed that when he heard I was pregnant, he went out, got drunk and picked a fight cause he wanted to punch something.

My theory is that it's always hard to hear that someone you imagined having a future with, is now having that future with someone else. He admitted that he's petty enough to really hate the idea that I was the first of us to move on.

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