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Author Topic: A *birthday* registry?!
Lainie
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by Four Kitties:
Not really. It's all what you're used to.

How about Mandarin? Pictograms, plus tonality.

Vier Kätzchen

I didn't say German was harder than Mandarin. [Big Grin]

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How homophobic do you have to be to have penguin gaydar? - Lewis Black

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Aud
We Three Blings


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The more I think about this Rebochan the more I think you should get her a birthday present after all. Nothing big or even on her list.

You probably won't have to worry about getting her a wedding present. Finally, living with this chick will hopefully let fiance guy know what a "prize" he's getting.

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PallasAthena
Xboxing Day


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quote:
Originally posted by Ryda Wong:
It is tacky, and she should have handled it better, but I totally get her rage.

At age 19, I left my abusive asshat of a fiance. Nothing.


I finished my bachelor's (SCL, btw). A few congrats and some gift certificates.

I left my hometown at age 21 to move to Colorado for grad school. Best wishes n' stuff.

I finshed my master's. Nothing.

However, I'm probably going to be getting married in the next year or so. I know I'll get gifts from everyone, not to mention, they'll actually leave the south and fly here to witness the event. Why? Cause, apparently, that's "the most important thing you'll ever do."

It's freakin' irritating, because getting married is going to be far easier and far less eventful/life-changing for me than the things I've already done. Personally, those things are far more worthy of congratulations and gifts than gittin' hitched (not that I won't enjoy that immensly).

So, yeah. I get her frustration. She should have expressed it better, though. Or given a party, as bthyb said.

I am not only picking on Ryda here b/c I saw several others echo her sentiment, but I am a bit suprised at the sense entitlement I am getting out of these posts. Those of you who feel this way, do you honestly expect gifts for your life milestones? I find that expectation distasteful. A gift is something that should be freely given and never expected. It should be recieved with gratitude no matter the value.

Do you (again addressed to the "yous" who are saying they identify with the cousin's frustration) honestly expect gifts from your friends for multiple graduations, breaking up with SOs, moving to new houses, etc?

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"How do you make chocolate? You take dark chocolate, you mix it with white milk, and it becomes a delicious drink. That is the chocolate I am talking about." --Ray Nagin

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Ryda Wong, EBfCo.
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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quote:
Originally posted by PallasAthena:
I am not only picking on Ryda here b/c I saw several others echo her sentiment, but I am a bit suprised at the sense entitlement I am getting out of these posts. Those of you who feel this way, do you honestly expect gifts for your life milestones? I find that expectation distasteful. A gift is something that should be freely given and never expected. It should be recieved with gratitude no matter the value.

Do you (again addressed to the "yous" who are saying they identify with the cousin's frustration) honestly expect gifts from your friends for multiple graduations, breaking up with SOs, moving to new houses, etc?

No. I don't expect gifts for any of them. The irritation is that so much focus is paid on something so little, like getting married, while all of the other things you do in your life seem not to matter. It's grating. Doing all of those other things are so much more deserving of gifts than getting married, and yet, they pass without public recognition.

And, let's face it, there is nothing that reeks of entitlement to gifts more than weddings (at least in our culture). You're nearly obligated to buy at least one, and possibly more if you are unlucky enough to get invited to those stupid shower things.

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So many spankings! It feels so good! But at the same time, I don't care about meeting your family! - I'mNotDedalus:

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Tzarina
Xboxing Day


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Marriage is not "something so little". To some, myself included, it was a pretty big deal. No, I didn't spend my life working up to my wedding day, but it was an important day, none the less.

As for wedding entitlement, we requested no gifts. When people asked about registries, we didn't have them. We were older and not in need of anything. We told our friends that we wanted them to come to the reception (the wedding was family only) and enjoy a dinner with us, dance to a few songs and help us celebrate our important day. People brought stuff anyway. We didn't feel entitled to it, we didn't even really want anything.

And I had no showers.

Beyond which, if you feel you are unlucky to be invited to share an important life event with friends, don't go. Then you are free from gifting someone who is doing something so unimportant.

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PallasAthena
Xboxing Day


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*gag* I hate that about weddings Ryda. My mom's friends threw me a wedding shower, and I felt akward and uncomfortable the entire time. I didn't invite them to my wedding to give me presents, I invited them because it was an important, joyful, and life-shaping event that I wanted to include them in. Of course I was very grateful for the gifts and wrote thank-you notes to everyone, but inviting everyone to a party so they could give me a gift was just, well, weird for me.

Honestly, I don't really do much for my birthday either except go out for a nice dinner with my husband. Birthday parties weird me out for the same reason as wedding showers. This year DH invited some friends of ours with us for my birthday dinner, and one of the couples brought me a gift. I felt so bad! Not because of money spent, but because I just wanted their company, not a present. I think I have guilt complex when it comes to presents!

For the record, I do NOT feel guilty when my husband gets me presents. [Smile] Does that make me hypocritical? I think I don't feel guilty because of the whole joint bank account thing.

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"How do you make chocolate? You take dark chocolate, you mix it with white milk, and it becomes a delicious drink. That is the chocolate I am talking about." --Ray Nagin

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Rhiandmoi
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by Mickey is a waffle queen:

Getting back to the OP, though...Wow, how thoughtless, tacky, and downright selfish of her, to admit jealousy, say that they're getting nice things for their homes, and that SHE deserves something for her own home. Now, don't get me wrong- I've had a lot of people ask me what Roomie and I want for our apartment, but we honestly don't know, because we're still sorting out who has what. If/when I move into an apartment on my own (cuz ya never know if you'll go the untraditional route and shack up with your boyfriend! [Roll Eyes] ), THEN I'll have an idea- if people ASK me what I want. Roomie said that we should just set up an account on the Target registry (she works there), and I veto'd it, saying that I thought it was tasteless to make a registry, unless it's for a wedding or a baby. It's not like we live in the middle of no where- we can get things we didn't realize we would need easily.

But all I can say is "oy vey" and "run away". Fast. And far.

I am a little bit worried that people are saying that it isn't okay to feel jealous and to express it to the people that are close to you. Feeling cast aside hurts. Feeling left out hurts. Feeling like you have given gifts to everyone on earth and haven't recieved one in return hurts. It is okay to feel hurt and jealous and selfish sometimes. Her feelings are alright. It is her actions that are the problem. And they are only a problem because she chose to throw a tantrum by mass email instead of with a close friend that is in the same boat with her.

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I think that hyperbole is the single greatest factor contributing to the decline of society. - My friend Pat.

What is .02 worth?

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Gale
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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While the story in the OP sounds like a "gimme, gimme" story, I will admit to maintaining an Amazon Wish List. I talked my whole family into it. My mother and I have extremely different tastes in clothing. My dad is just difficult to buy for period. We maintain these lists all year long and at christmas and birthdays, we buy each other stuff off of it. I love it because when someone asks me what I want for my birthday, I never know. This way, when I think of something in February or October, I add it while I'm thinking about it.
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Green Eggs and Spam
Deck the Malls


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quote:
Originally posted by Four Kitties:

How about Mandarin? Pictograms, plus tonality.

Vier Kätzchen

How about Finnish? It has 15 grammatical cases. Of course that doesn't mean it's difficult -- just different. [Smile] I'm half Finnish (I like to say "half finished") so it's interesting to me anyway. My dad speaks it fluently but I never learned much except counting 1 to 10.


As to the rude cousin who feels she deserves gifts just because everyone else is getting them, she sounds like my brothers and sisters and me growing up -- "Why does SHE get that and I don't?" "Why does HE get the bigger piece of pie?" It's bad enough hearing it from kids; it's ridiculous hearing it from someone who should be grown up.

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Ryda Wong, EBfCo.
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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quote:
Originally posted by Tzarina:
Marriage is not "something so little". To some, myself included, it was a pretty big deal. No, I didn't spend my life working up to my wedding day, but it was an important day, none the less.

It might be an important day to you, and worth a nice party with family and friends (which I will be doing in a year or so as well), but it's not an achievement. You didn't DO anything, really, except plan a party and fill out paperwork, neither of which actually needed to be done anyway. It's ridiculous that marriage is the occasion of more celebration than any other event or achievement.
quote:
Originally posted by Tzarina:
Beyond which, if you feel you are unlucky to be invited to share an important life event with friends, don't go. Then you are free from gifting someone who is doing something so unimportant.

Sorry, but showers for the most part are simply annoying. They tend to be hackneyed occasions rife with the worst gender stereotypes.

Weddings and showers don't HAVE to be this way. That doesn't change the fact that they most often ARE this way.

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So many spankings! It feels so good! But at the same time, I don't care about meeting your family! - I'mNotDedalus:

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Ryda Wong, EBfCo.
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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but inviting everyone to a party so they could give me a gift was just, well, weird for me.
[/QB][/QUOTE]As well it should be. Honestly, it almost seems like the whole wedding thing is just a bribe. "Participate in this and you'll get great things!" It seems like it isn't often about love, union, joy, the unique perspectives of two people and how they blend them; as it is about appliances and place settings and seating arrangements. Weddings are so historically problimatic, and, instead of consciously changing those problimatic elements, people love to just brush over them with the covering of TRADITION....

quote:
Originally posted by PallasAthena:
For the record, I do NOT feel guilty when my husband gets me presents. [Smile] Does that make me hypocritical? I think I don't feel guilty because of the whole joint bank account thing.

Nah. Gift-giving between two people just 'cause is the purest form....

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So many spankings! It feels so good! But at the same time, I don't care about meeting your family! - I'mNotDedalus:

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Mama Duck
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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quote:
Originally posted by Ryda Wong:
It might be an important day to you, and worth a nice party with family and friends (which I will be doing in a year or so as well), but it's not an achievement. You didn't DO anything, really, except plan a party and fill out paperwork, neither of which actually needed to be done anyway. It's ridiculous that marriage is the occasion of more celebration than any other event or achievement.

So, and this is a genuine question, how do you feel about christenings/baptisms?

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There is no interpersonal problem so big that it can't be solved with a suitably large amount of high explosives. ~ Bufungla

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Morgaine La Raq Star
The "Was on Sale" Song


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Weddings tend to be more a community event. The 'young' couple starting out in the world & they need support, both monetarily & emotionally from the community they more than likely grew up in. It's a celebratin, a joining of two families in the community. The young couple was more than likely moving out of their parents houses & into a house of their own. This is why many women had hope chests with linens & such in them. The 'hope' was that by the time she got married the chest would be full of useful items for her home, made a/o bought by members of her family as she was growing up.

Now, the situation may be that the brides parents live in TX & the Grooms in Maine & they met at college in Oregon so there is, in some ways, less of a community feel to a wedding but the underlying feelings about weddings still stand.

OTOH, graduation from a university is a more personal thing. Your parents may have paid the bills a/o supported you financially, emotionally, etc but you (personally & generically) did the work. You took the tests, pulled the all-nighters, etc. There is also, less than it was but still a bit, a stigma to a women becoming too educated. Too much book-larnin for her own good. I see it a bit with my FIL & me as I have more 'higher education' than him. It has never bothered me as I see an intelligence in him that I will never possess but I wonder how he will react when I hopefully get my act together in a few years & go back for my masters degree.

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I cannot live without books-Thomas Jefferson *~* A child educated only at school is an uneducated child - George Santayana
I'm going to pummel you with such zeal, Buddha will explode! *~* Never miss a good chance to shut up - Will Rogers

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Mistletoey Chloe
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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I always thought the "hope" in "hope chest" was that you hoped you'd get married.

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~~Ai am in mai prrrrrraime!~~

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Ryda Wong, EBfCo.
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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quote:
Originally posted by Mama Duck:
quote:
Originally posted by Ryda Wong:
It might be an important day to you, and worth a nice party with family and friends (which I will be doing in a year or so as well), but it's not an achievement. You didn't DO anything, really, except plan a party and fill out paperwork, neither of which actually needed to be done anyway. It's ridiculous that marriage is the occasion of more celebration than any other event or achievement.

So, and this is a genuine question, how do you feel about christenings/baptisms?
Pretty much the same way I do about weddings. Now, if you have a combined birthing/baptism party, then I can see gifts. For heaven's sake, the woman just carried a bowling ball in her belly and had it rip out of her netherworld. She certainly deserves some nice, nice presents.
Having a baby = actually doing something.

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So many spankings! It feels so good! But at the same time, I don't care about meeting your family! - I'mNotDedalus:

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Morgaine La Raq Star
The "Was on Sale" Song


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quote:
Originally posted by Chloe:
I always thought the "hope" in "hope chest" was that you hoped you'd get married.

I always took it as both. You 'hoped' you'd get married & you 'hoped' the chest was full by the time you got married. But I don't have a hope chest (nor does my DD or DS) so what do I know?!

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I cannot live without books-Thomas Jefferson *~* A child educated only at school is an uneducated child - George Santayana
I'm going to pummel you with such zeal, Buddha will explode! *~* Never miss a good chance to shut up - Will Rogers

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bthyb
WiFi Christmas


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quote:
Originally posted by Ryda Wong:
It might be an important day to you, and worth a nice party with family and friends (which I will be doing in a year or so as well), but it's not an achievement. You didn't DO anything, really, except plan a party and fill out paperwork, neither of which actually needed to be done anyway. It's ridiculous that marriage is the occasion of more celebration than any other event or achievement.

I disagree that we didn't DO anything. A marriage may not be an achievement in an academic sense, but a marriage is a declaration of a commitment for life. Maybe not big for you, but this is big in terms of society and within the context of family. It's one of the major life events, along with birth and death - all of which have their share of pomp and circumstance.

My fiance converted, which meant classes, meeting with rabbis, and some other rituals that I won't go into here - but it certainly took work, as well as planning and discussion on our part about how we wanted to plan our life together.

As was said earlier, the wedding presents are a tradition meant to help the couple set up their house together. In some cases this has become warped into gimme gimme, in other cases people just don't need the gifts.

I'm doing the "big wedding" primarily for my family. This is what my mom wants, and this is an occasion for my extended family to come together for something positive - it's nice to see people when there's not a funeral going on. And those family members are going to give me gifts. I'm not going to fight it.

But I don't expect gifts at any time - I do agree with Ryda in the fact that academics are a bigger achievement - I just wouldn't discount a marriage as an achievement at all. It's just a different type of achievement, within the context of society and not academics.

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If you say you love ice cream, you better be dreaming of an orgy with Ben, Jerry, and one fine-ass chunky monkey.

-- My sister and poet extraordinaire, Joanna Hoffman

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Ryda Wong, EBfCo.
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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quote:
Originally posted by Morgaine La Raq Star:
less of a community feel to a wedding but the underlying feelings about weddings still stand.

Hence what I posted above:

Weddings are so historically problimatic, and, instead of consciously changing those problimatic elements, people love to just brush over them with the covering of TRADITION....

If the thing has a different meaning now, we should celebrate that meaning, not the meaning that was before.

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So many spankings! It feels so good! But at the same time, I don't care about meeting your family! - I'mNotDedalus:

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PallasAthena
Xboxing Day


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I don't think someone necessarily has to "accomplish" something in order to celebrate with friends. In my family, a baptism is an excuse to get together to meet the new family member and socialize with everyone else. And that's what a wedding is all about to me, too: Getting two families and social circles together for a big party. It's a time to make new friends, and see old Aunt Mildred, and catch up with the cousins.

Honestly, in my family that's what funerals turn into also. We celebrate the life of the person who died, and honor their memory by going out as a big family for a huge dinner after the visitation. We toast them, tell stories, etc. Funerals, baptisms, and weddings are just great times to be a family for us.

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"How do you make chocolate? You take dark chocolate, you mix it with white milk, and it becomes a delicious drink. That is the chocolate I am talking about." --Ray Nagin

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Mama Duck
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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quote:
Originally posted by Ryda Wong:
Pretty much the same way I do about weddings. Now, if you have a combined birthing/baptism party, then I can see gifts. For heaven's sake, the woman just carried a bowling ball in her belly and had it rip out of her netherworld. She certainly deserves some nice, nice presents.
Having a baby = actually doing something.

Generally speaking, there is a party after such events as it's a general "celebrate the new baby" sort of thing. Most of the time, though, the attention is on the baby and they did nothing really. I don't remember getting any presents for the birth of my kids. My SO did get me flowers though. And if the attention should be on the birth mother, what about such parties for adopted babies?

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There is no interpersonal problem so big that it can't be solved with a suitably large amount of high explosives. ~ Bufungla

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Ryda Wong, EBfCo.
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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quote:
Originally posted by PallasAthena:
I don't think someone necessarily has to "accomplish" something in order to celebrate with friends.

The celebration isn't of issue here. What is of issue is the fact that our society will reward marriage with tangible, financial benefits, and will let other occasions, often occasions that require actual accomplishment, slide by with recognition.

Something is seriously out of wack when weddings are treated with such respect, yet the attainment of other goals are seen as secondary.

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So many spankings! It feels so good! But at the same time, I don't care about meeting your family! - I'mNotDedalus:

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Ryda Wong, EBfCo.
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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quote:
Originally posted by bthyb:
A marriage may not be an achievement in an academic sense, but a marriage is a declaration of a commitment for life. Maybe not big for you, but this is big in terms of society and within the context of family. It's one of the major life events, along with birth and death - all of which have their share of pomp and circumstance.

Sure. It's a life-marker, but I object strenuiously to the financial bribes and overwhelmingly capitalistic and traditional tones of the entire thing. I know WHY the tradition of wedding presents evolved. However, the meaning of marriage has changed for most folks, and it isn't a situation that marks the largest event in a woman's life or that often requires that the community pitch in to set people up, especially when they don't do so in other contexts.

quote:
Originally posted by bthyb:
I'm doing the "big wedding" primarily for my family. This is what my mom wants, and this is an occasion for my extended family to come together for something positive - it's nice to see people when there's not a funeral going on. And those family members are going to give me gifts. I'm not going to fight it.

I totally understand that. I'll be having a ceremony as well, and I'm sure I'll get gifts, whcih will be accepted gratefully and with due thanks. However, that day and that decision will not rank as any sort of accomplishment, nor do I see it as an accomplishment in most cases. Should it be recognized? Sure. But it's given far, far too much weight in our society.

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So many spankings! It feels so good! But at the same time, I don't care about meeting your family! - I'mNotDedalus:

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Rhiandmoi
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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When people have a baby they usually need stuff. And the people around them are usually excited. When people get married they usually need stuff. And the people around them are usually excited. Exited + Need Stuff = Presents

I personally got a lot of nice presents for graduating both from HS and college and had a nice little gathering of the people close to me that were excited for me and recognized that I needed stuff. When the Boyfriend graduated from College (I didn't know him in HS, so I don't know what happened then) it was on the same day another cousin got married so only a few extremely close family members went to graduation. But a week or 2 later the family threw a huge party for him and he got a lot of nice presents. I guess my point is, it depends on the people around you and what they get excited for. Some people only get excited for weddings, others like the people I know get excited for every thing. So for my own part I am having not only one but two bridal showers because there are so many people excited to play really dumb shower games and eat cake and they are far enough apart geographically that not everyone could go to the same party. I actually hope that I don't get any presents. I have way too much stuff as it is now. But I like knowing that people are happy and excited for me and I am telling as many people as I can that I really don't need anything and I am not just being modest.

I think it sucks Ryda, that your family only seems to care about a wedding which is less important to you than other things you have accomplished in your life. Not all families are like that. But also for some people, they really feel that getting married is the most important things they will ever do in their life and whether or not they have deeply explored their life, that is how they feel and I think you should respect that.

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I think that hyperbole is the single greatest factor contributing to the decline of society. - My friend Pat.

What is .02 worth?

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bthyb
WiFi Christmas


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quote:
Originally posted by Ryda Wong:
Something is seriously out of wack when weddings are treated with such respect, yet the attainment of other goals are seen as secondary.

Graduations get plenty of respect. That's why there are commencement ceremonies where everyone wears long gowns and mortarboards, there's commencement speakers...and isn't the usually processional song called "Pomp and Circumstance"? I think there is plenty of pomp and circumstance for graduations. Just not as many presents.

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If you say you love ice cream, you better be dreaming of an orgy with Ben, Jerry, and one fine-ass chunky monkey.

-- My sister and poet extraordinaire, Joanna Hoffman

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Ryda Wong, EBfCo.
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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quote:
Originally posted by Rhiandmoi:
But also for some people, they really feel that getting married is the most important things they will ever do in their life and whether or not they have deeply explored their life, that is how they feel and I think you should respect that.

And that would be fine if that attitude wasn't the default setting of how we treat weddings. The wedding industry has become (and has been) HUGE. It's often one of the most financially taxing things a person does in their life, and is often the time in which they receive the most tangible rewards. If a couple truly chooses that as the most important event in their lives, fine. But, all too often, it's the default most important event in an American female's life. And that attitude desperatly needs to change. It breeds resentment, prejudice, and fosters stereotypical behavior and traditional attitudes.

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So many spankings! It feels so good! But at the same time, I don't care about meeting your family! - I'mNotDedalus:

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Sue Bee
Happy Holly Days


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But this isn't a thread about how ridiculous it is to spend gonzo amounts on a wedding, and how people are strong armed into giving a couple who are getting married large expensive gifts, sometimes two and three times. ETA- Neither is it a thread about whether getting married should be viewed as being "the most important event in a person's life" or "American woman's life" / Edit. And it's not about how it's unfair that people who graduate from college after many years of hard work are often not rewarded or even acknowledged. It's about Rebochan's cousin and her (ridiculous) birthday registry.
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Vinnichanka
Deck the Malls


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I graduated at the Radio City Music Hall - talk about pomp... Not many presents even though it was my Master's, but many congratulations and a sense of achievement. We live so far from our families that we can't expect peole to just fly in for such occasions and bring tons of presents. As far as weddings, I'd choose a present depening on the person's and their SO's stage in live - some need plates and knives, and others who are established would appreciate a less tangible and expensive gift (artwork, hand-made sweater etc).

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Ladies and gentlemen, chlorinate your gene pools!

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Rhiandmoi
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by Ryda Wong:
quote:
Originally posted by Rhiandmoi:
But also for some people, they really feel that getting married is the most important things they will ever do in their life and whether or not they have deeply explored their life, that is how they feel and I think you should respect that.

And that would be fine if that attitude wasn't the default setting of how we treat weddings. The wedding industry has become (and has been) HUGE. It's often one of the most financially taxing things a person does in their life, and is often the time in which they receive the most tangible rewards. If a couple truly chooses that as the most important event in their lives, fine. But, all too often, it's the default most important event in an American female's life. And that attitude desperatly needs to change. It breeds resentment, prejudice, and fosters stereotypical behavior and traditional attitudes.
I know that doing the default just because it is the default is your least favorite thing in the entire universe, but some people like having an unexplored life and like doing the default because it is the default. And what if through careful exploration the majority of people decide that this is the most important thing they will do in their life?

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I think that hyperbole is the single greatest factor contributing to the decline of society. - My friend Pat.

What is .02 worth?

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Aud
We Three Blings


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Why is it that gifts between two people is okay but the gift I give a friend on the occassion of their wedding isn't. That's still between two people.

Okay - baby showers. We really couldn't have done it without the baby showers. Too much money was tied up with lawyers and the social workers. Sorry, I didn't pass a bowling ball but I was the one doing 2 am feedings.

Now, it did weird me out to see so many presents at the party after the baby's baptism. I thought maybe the Godparents would give little religious gifts and that would be it. I didn't expect a bunch more clothes.

I'd like to have a little party to thank all those all those who helped with the adoption process, the ones who wrote reference letters or helped with the birth family etc. Now I'm afraid it will look like we're trolling for more presents. Sigh.

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ThistleSoftware
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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quote:
Originally posted by Rhiandmoi:
quote:
Originally posted by Ryda Wong:
quote:
Originally posted by Rhiandmoi:
But also for some people, they really feel that getting married is the most important things they will ever do in their life and whether or not they have deeply explored their life, that is how they feel and I think you should respect that.

And that would be fine if that attitude wasn't the default setting of how we treat weddings. The wedding industry has become (and has been) HUGE. It's often one of the most financially taxing things a person does in their life, and is often the time in which they receive the most tangible rewards. If a couple truly chooses that as the most important event in their lives, fine. But, all too often, it's the default most important event in an American female's life. And that attitude desperatly needs to change. It breeds resentment, prejudice, and fosters stereotypical behavior and traditional attitudes.
I know that doing the default just because it is the default is your least favorite thing in the entire universe, but some people like having an unexplored life and like doing the default because it is the default. And what if through careful exploration the majority of people decide that this is the most important thing they will do in their life?
Sometimes the amount of opposition Ryda gets even when she posts about something fairly simple and innocuous like her feelings about weddings realy surprises me.

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Officially Heartless

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Ryda Wong, EBfCo.
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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quote:
Originally posted by Sue Bee:
It's about Rebochan's cousin and her (ridiculous) birthday registry.

The point is, is the cousin's birthday registry any more ridiculous than a wedding registry? Nope.

And the ridiculious amount of attention paid to couples getting married is part of the reason the cousin is so ticked (read the OP). So, sorry, it's germane, and, although the cousin's behavior was rude, it's perfectly understandable, and she has a point.

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So many spankings! It feels so good! But at the same time, I don't care about meeting your family! - I'mNotDedalus:

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Para
Deck the Malls


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Personally, I'll believe that weddings are considered more of an acheivement than graduations when it becomes relatively common to see brides receive a new car as a gift instead of new grads. (Some of them even high school grads.)

Aud, why not have that party anyway? You could tell friends to pass it on verbally that you do not want or expect gifts.

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"But what of the golden spider-duck and the squat crimson pig?"

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Nonny Mouse, on Santa's laptop
Once in Royal Circuit City


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quote:
Originally posted by Aud:
I'd like to have a little party to thank all those all those who helped with the adoption process, the ones who wrote reference letters or helped with the birth family etc. Now I'm afraid it will look like we're trolling for more presents. Sigh.

Call it a thank-you party and put "for all you've given us..." on the invitations. That should get the point across that you're not trying to milk anybody.

Nonny

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When there isn't anything else worth analyzing, we examine our collective navel. I found thirty-six cents in change in mine the other day. Let no one say that there is no profit in philosophy. -- Silas Sparkhammer

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Sue Bee
Happy Holly Days


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quote:
Sometimes the amount of opposition Ryda gets even when she posts about something fairly simple and innocuous like her feelings about weddings realy surprises me.
It's not that Ryda posts her views, it's that she quite often co-opts threads that are semi- or barely related to those views and turns them into a discussion of said views. Yes, a lot of threads sort of run like a river, and twist and turn. But it seems- to me- that Ryda has a way of pirating a lot of threads to suit her views, without regard for the OP.

Believe it or not, I often agree with Ryda, and I find her to be intelligent and well informed, but I find this sort of gonzo posting disconcerting.

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ThistleSoftware
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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In this thread all she did was express her own feelings which were similar to the cousin's. People asked her questions and she answered them. I really don't see this threadjacking as her fault.

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Officially Heartless

Posts: 3065 | From: The Montgomery County of the West Coast- Berkeley, CA | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
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