snopes.com Post new topic  New Poll  Post a reply
search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Hello snopes.com » SLC Central » Rantidote » HE'S 12!! (Page 1)

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!   This topic comprises 2 pages: 1  2   
Author Topic: HE'S 12!!
Lemon Demon
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Lemon Demon   E-mail Lemon Demon   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
so, I came home from work and my son was on the computer. he was looking at movie showtimes on one of those websites. I asked him if he was going to a movie. he replied "yeah, I'm going with my girlfriend." Now, if I had said that to my parents at that age, my parents would have washed my mouth out with soap. he's 12!!! It's not that I don't trust him, it's just that I don't trust this Girl. alone in the dark of a movie theater, things can happen.

I don't want to follow him there. I wouldn't do that to him. any suggestions on what to do?

--------------------
"Realizing that one could Time Travel within his own liftime, Dr. Sam Becket stepped into the Quantum leap accelerator...and Vanished."-Quantum Leap

Posts: 44 | From: Cameron Park, CA | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
ThistleSoftware
Little Sales Drummer Boy


Icon 1 posted      Profile for ThistleSoftware     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Tell him he's not allowed to have a girlfriend and lay down some ground rules/ guidelines about sex and dating?

Edited to add that your statement about not trusting "this girl" strikes me as extreme parental blindness. Assuming "this girl" is also 12, your kid is probably at about the same level of interest as her, and it's pretty unfair to assume that she is going to do anything he won't want to.

--------------------
Officially Heartless

Posts: 3065 | From: The Montgomery County of the West Coast- Berkeley, CA | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Rhiandmoi
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Rhiandmoi   E-mail Rhiandmoi   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
If you don't already have some rules about dating, now is the time to get some ASAP. I don't think that 12 is too young for a girlfriend, but I do think it is is too young for an unsupervised date. Offer to give them a ride to the movie and sit a couple of rows back.

--------------------
I think that hyperbole is the single greatest factor contributing to the decline of society. - My friend Pat.

What is .02 worth?

Posts: 8745 | From: California | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Lemon Demon
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Lemon Demon   E-mail Lemon Demon   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I assume my reaction is based purely on the way I was raised. I was not allowed to date until I was in high school. I guess it's hard wired into my brain. but I see where you are coming from...

--------------------
"Realizing that one could Time Travel within his own liftime, Dr. Sam Becket stepped into the Quantum leap accelerator...and Vanished."-Quantum Leap

Posts: 44 | From: Cameron Park, CA | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Adelaide
Remembrances of Things Bass


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Adelaide   E-mail Adelaide   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I have a 12 year old too, and in my house the conversation would have gone more like this:

Her: Can I go to a movie?
Me: Which movie, and who do you want to go with?

and not:

Me: Are you going to a movie?
Her: Yes, with my boyfriend.

I'm not trying to be judgmental to your parenting practices, just noting that I'd be coming from a whole different starting point. So then I'd have to consider if I know this boy and his family, which movie, who's taking them, etc. Also whether "boyfriend" is meant literally (a boy who is a friend) or romantically (he's teh hawt!). If the former, it wouldn't be likely they'd insist on this just being the two of them, and if the latter, then for my daughter I'd probably say no. I'd feel more comfortable if it were a group of friends, or if there were parental chaperones (preferably me!).

--------------------
Natural selection is a beguiling counterfeiter of deliberate purpose. - Richard Dawkins

Posts: 620 | From: Alaska | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Rhiandmoi
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Rhiandmoi   E-mail Rhiandmoi   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I don't think that your idea of a date and your son's idea of a date are the same thing. But to find out for sure, you should ask him what his plans are for the evening.

--------------------
I think that hyperbole is the single greatest factor contributing to the decline of society. - My friend Pat.

What is .02 worth?

Posts: 8745 | From: California | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Cervus
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Cervus   E-mail Cervus   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Lemon Demon:
I asked him if he was going to a movie. he replied "yeah, I'm going with my girlfriend." Now, if I had said that to my parents at that age, my parents would have washed my mouth out with soap. he's 12!!!

Washed your mouth out with soap? I didn't realize "girlfriend" was a curse word or epithet.

quote:
It's not that I don't trust him, it's just that I don't trust this Girl. alone in the dark of a movie theater, things can happen.
Didn't you just say that he was 12? "Girlfriend" likely means a girl he likes who likes him back. It could be a friend who's a girl, or someone he has a crush on. Exactly what "things" do you think are going to happen, besides both of them probably sweating nervously and wondering where they should place their arms without becoming too awkward?

Do you know this girl? If not, I would think a mature response would be: "You have a girlfriend? Since when?" And then ask him to tell you about her, and meet her beforehand.

--------------------
"There is no constitutional right to sleep with endangered reptiles." -- Carl Hiaasen
Won't somebody please think of the adults!

Posts: 8254 | From: Florida | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
FrogFeathers
Grandma Got Run Over By a Gift Card


Icon 1 posted      Profile for FrogFeathers   Author's Homepage   E-mail FrogFeathers   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
If that had happened with my kid(s), it would have gone more like:

me: Are you going to a movie?

child: Yeah, I'm going with my girl(boy)friend.

me: Nice way to ask if are allowed.

child: May I go?

Then the grilling starts- "who will be there? parents?" etc.

My daughter (she'll be 13 next Thursday) has been going to the movies with her *boyfriend but only in a group of mutual aged friends and at least one parent from that group.

*her boyfriend was a guy who was just a friend for most of two years, then they decided they like each other and are now "going out". By going out, they mean hanging out at our house or at his.

But I'd meet anyone my kids went out with, boy-girlfriend or not.

--------------------
"Is it ME? Am I a MAGNET for these idiots?"~Pearl Forrester MST3K
Die-Hard Engineers, Big Red One my Dad's website
"Must be a 'snopes' thing..." ~my entire family when I try to explain something.

Posts: 4524 | From: South of Madison, Wisconsin | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Christie
The Bills of St. Mary's


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Christie     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Lemon Demon:
It's not that I don't trust him, it's just that I don't trust this Girl. alone in the dark of a movie theater, things can happen.

[lol] I'm sorry for laughing but I just found this so funny. I've got a son and a daughter and I admit I've had this same reaction when both of them first started dating. "I trust my daughter, it's that boy I don't trust!" and then a few years later "I trust my son, it's that girl I don't trust!"

And ya know I was wrong both times. I was right to trust my kids but I was wrong to assume that the person they cared about enough to want to go out with was not worthy of my trust.

Frankly if I were you I wouldn't be too worried as I really doubt that he means by girlfriend what you think he means by girlfriend - at least based on my experience with own kids and their friends. But I would spend a whole lot of time making sure your son knows how to behave around young ladies and knows what your expectations of him are rather than assuming that 12 year old girls are just waiting to jump his bones in the dark [Eek!] !

--------------------
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation. - Jean Kerr

Posts: 18428 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Doug4.7
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Doug4.7   E-mail Doug4.7   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I just showed this thread to my 13 year old daughter and she suggested you use the phrase, "guy-friend" for a guy who happens to be a friend and "boyfriend" for someone who is more.

--------------------
And now for something completely different...

Posts: 4164 | From: Alabama | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
DesertRat
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


Icon 1 posted      Profile for DesertRat     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
alone in the dark of a movie theater, things can happen.
I'm a-gonna get flamed for this, I just know it.

While I'm not questioning your personal parenting decisions in any way, in a broad sense, I don't see exactly what you're worried about. Unless this 12-year-old girl is the most oversexed little hussey in all the land, the odds are that nothing will happen... and even if it does, what exactly are we talking about here? Holding hands? Maybe a little kissing? A very slim chance of some touchy-feely?

I would say, "Why is that wrong?" In fact, I think it's rather healthy. I'm not arguing that that she should be giving him oral or anything absurd like that, but obviously that's not going to happen anyway... but right around 12-13 is the age where boys and girls should start exploring the social and emotional dynamic of being, well, boys and girls. Would you have him wait? How long? Should he be 14, 16 18, and be socially akward and far behind his peers because he has less experience with females than his peers?

Youth's first unchaperoned encounters with the opposite sex should not at a late stage in the developmental game (or in college, as some parents seem to desire.) That's not setting your kid up for virtue; on the contrary, it's inviting quite the opposite.

ETA: Fixed some typos.

--------------------
High on the wind, the Highland drums begin to roll, and something from the past just comes and stares into my soul... --Mark Knopfler

Posts: 3402 | From: New Bern, NC | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Ramblin' Dave, quietly making noise
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Ramblin' Dave, quietly making noise   Author's Homepage   E-mail Ramblin' Dave, quietly making noise   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I'm with you, Lemon Demon - I think 12 is too young to date. I think letting him go but going along with the two of them is a fine idea, though.

--------------------
Another lifetime I'd have fallen in love with you
Swept away by my feelings, ashamed and confused
But just now it's enough to be walking with you
Let the mystery play as it will! -Lui Collins

Posts: 2669 | From: Jouy en Josas, France | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Esprise Me
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Esprise Me     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Count me in with what seems to be the majority opinion: I don't think 12 is too young to "date" in the sense of boys and girls being romantically involved, hanging out together and kissing, but I do think it's too young for unsupervised dates. When I was 12, I could "date" in a group of friends or with a parent chaperone, but I would not have been allowed to be alone in a movie theater with a boy (even though I could have gone to a movie with just one friend if that friend was a girl.) My parents have always been pretty liberal on the subject of dating, and now that I've been out from under their roof for four years, I look back and feel those rules were fair.

--------------------
"If God wrote it, the grammar must be infallible. Perhaps it is we who are mistaken." -MapleLeaf

Posts: 977 | From: Boston, MA | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
I saw Mommy kismet Santa Claus
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


Icon 1 posted      Profile for I saw Mommy kismet Santa Claus   E-mail I saw Mommy kismet Santa Claus   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
In my experience, the vast majority of middle schoolers would not do anything more than possibly kiss each other on a "date" and probably only hold hands. Besides, those who are interested in more physical sexual exploration will find a way to do it even if they aren't allowed to date. They'll do it at school, they'll lie about where they are going.

I think that either the boy already has his own standards of behavior because you've been instilling them since he was born, or else you're too late because he's too old for you to watch every second.

I'd say talk to him about appropriate behavior on dates, lay some ground rules about what types of dates are allowed and how much supervision is required, and it will all be ok.

Posts: 2115 | From: Texas | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
FireSpook
The First USA Noel


Icon 1 posted      Profile for FireSpook   E-mail FireSpook   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
The word 'date' doesn't mean 'date' in the sense that older teenagers would use it, mostly, IMO at that age, it's mostly just hanging out.

--------------------
WARNING
The message above may have statements that only make sense in this user's mind.

Read at your own risk.

Posts: 667 | From: Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Ms. Kringle
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Ms. Kringle     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
As the mother of a girl who will be 12 in August, and has NO interest in doing anything REMOTELY sexual, I take a bit of offense to your thought that you don't trust this GIRL.

Ummm, I wouldn't trust your son, either, if he didn't bother to ASK you if he was allowed to take a girl to the movies.

My daughter knows damn good and well that if she pulled THAT on me, she a)wouldn't be allowed to go see some movie alone with a boy (they can either go in a group of friends, or with a chaperone, meaning either one of HER parents, or one of HIS parents), and b)she would be told if she just sprang that on me that no, she wasn't going anywhere. For quite some time.

I don't think your son is interested in some twelve year old hussy who is intent on leading him down the path of disaster. I think he's perfectly normal boy, but you need to be having a talk with him about what you will and will not allow him to do with regards to dating.

--------------------
Beware corporate zombies! They will purchase your brain on E-Bay!

Posts: 2310 | From: California | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Upside Down
Tic Tac Dough


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Upside Down   E-mail Upside Down   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Haha-- I had to laugh at this because it brought back a very fond memory...

When I was eleven years old, I had a 'boyfriend'. One day we decided we wanted to go to the movies together, but Mum insisted that my older brother and younger brother came with us. Ok, no big deal. My 'boyfriend' paid each of them a dollar to sit away from us.

And at the movie? Well, our 'making out' was holding hands while Simba's Dad died...

_/* Upside Down *\_

--------------------
~*-- Put me in touch with reality?!... but I've heard such bad things about reality! --*~

Posts: 12 | From: Manitoba, Canada | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Ramblin' Dave, quietly making noise
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Ramblin' Dave, quietly making noise   Author's Homepage   E-mail Ramblin' Dave, quietly making noise   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Good heavens, and I was 21 when The Lion King came out - and I saw it by myself, as the gal I fancied at the time was dating a guy I worked with. (I had, well, accidentally introduced them to each other!)

--------------------
Another lifetime I'd have fallen in love with you
Swept away by my feelings, ashamed and confused
But just now it's enough to be walking with you
Let the mystery play as it will! -Lui Collins

Posts: 2669 | From: Jouy en Josas, France | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Barbara
Layaway in a Manger


Icon 504 posted      Profile for Barbara   Author's Homepage   E-mail Barbara   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
The Lion King was the first movie snopes and I saw together too.

Barbara "who knew it was such a big date movie?" Mikkelson

Posts: 2511 | From: Los Angeles, CA | Registered: Feb 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Ganzfeld
Let There Be PCs on Earth


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Ganzfeld     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
FWIW I think 12 is plenty old enough for a "date" at the movies. I say let them go. You could have a talk about it with him, though, let him know how you feel.
Posts: 4922 | From: Kyoto, Japan | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Christie
The Bills of St. Mary's


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Christie     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I just had to check to see when The Lion King came out. 1994 [Eek!] it sure doesn't seem like it was that long ago. First date I had with my (now) husband was to see The Rocky Horror Picture Show, midnight screening - now that is one helluva first date for a sheltered girl from the West Island to go on!

--------------------
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation. - Jean Kerr

Posts: 18428 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Midgard_Dragon
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Midgard_Dragon   E-mail Midgard_Dragon   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by ThistleS:
[QB] Tell him he's not allowed to have a girlfriend and lay down some ground rules/ guidelines about sex and dating?/QB]

Yeah, tell the hormonal, emotional teenage boy that he can't see his girlfriend, THAT'S likely to end well.

--------------------
Midgard Dragon
-==UDIC==-
MidgardDragon's MySpace

Posts: 2455 | From: Tennessee | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Astra
The "Was on Sale" Song


Icon 87 posted      Profile for Astra     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Midgard_Dragon:
quote:
Originally posted by ThistleS:
[QB] Tell him he's not allowed to have a girlfriend and lay down some ground rules/ guidelines about sex and dating?/QB]

Yeah, tell the hormonal, emotional teenage boy that he can't see his girlfriend, THAT'S likely to end well.
I have to agree with Midgard that taking that kind of kneejerk stance is going to make your life really difficult.

When I was 12, a boy asked me to the movies. I thought it was a "friends" thing, but he thought I was going to be his "girlfriend." My parents called his parents and talked, confirmed it was going to be a "just friends" thing, and we went to the movie. He did try to put his hand on my leg, at which point I bent his fingers back until he quit it. He wasn't malicious, he was just trying to do what all his friends said he was "supposed" to do.

One aspect nobody has really addressed is what effect his friends are having. Do they have boyfriends and girlfriends? What do they do together? Is it just hanging out together or more?

In my situation, I never did anything but go to the movies with him and a few friends. However, I quickly was labeled as his girlfriend at school because guys and girls couldn't just be friends and was accused of all doing all sorts of things by classmates (having sex, etc.). I was embarassed and shocked.

However, at the same time, there were at least two girls only a year older than me who were going to the same school and were 7 or 8 months pregnant. Depending on your circle of friends, 12-14 can be a time where you just want friends or where there is sexual activity going on already. You should make sure you know where your son stands and be honest and open with him, and expect the same from him in return.

--------------------
This has been yet another... USELESS POST.

Posts: 6105 | From: Mississippi | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Hazed
We Three Blings


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Hazed   E-mail Hazed   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Midgard_Dragon:
quote:
Originally posted by ThistleS:
[QB] Tell him he's not allowed to have a girlfriend and lay down some ground rules/ guidelines about sex and dating?/QB]

Yeah, tell the hormonal, emotional teenage boy that he can't see his girlfriend, THAT'S likely to end well.
Yeah, I knew this guy in school that happened to, and he ended up marrying her!(me) [Big Grin]

In all seriousness, though, I have to agree with Kismet that if your son and his "girlfriend" are thinking about getting sexual, (which at 12 I seriously doubt), they'll find a way to do it. Like I said above, my husband and I began dating when we were young teens and his father would rarely let us see each other. Did that stop us? Hell no. We just would meet at friends house, (he had to lie and say I wasn't there) or, (TMI), stay after school to find a place to make out and possibly more.

I'm not saying this to scare you, it's just my opinion that in some cases teens will figure, "Hey, mom and dad don't trust me anyway, I may as well do what I want!" At least, that's how it was with my husband, and his two younger brothers, who also got no trust from their father. YMMV.

By the same token, though, I really don't think that at 12 you need to worry about something sexual going on. I remember when I was a little bit younger than 12, (I may have been 11, youngest 10), my "boyfriend" came to my house to hang out. We went into my bedroom, I closed the door and drew the shades....not so we could do anything sexual mind you, I was desperate for him to kiss me on the cheek! [lol] So, seriously, your son's "date" will most likely be very innocent. I can't think of any 12 year old who wouldn't be mortified to be seen making out in public anyway, even if it is a dark movie theater.

Posts: 1128 | From: New York | Registered: Oct 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
snapdragonfly
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


Icon 1 posted      Profile for snapdragonfly     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Ramblin' Dave, ramblin' again:
I'm with you, Lemon Demon - I think 12 is too young to date. I think letting him go but going along with the two of them is a fine idea, though.

That is what I would suggest, and that's the rule at my house. My daughter (13) started talking about "going out" with this guy or that guy and there were some interesting discussions until I determined that "going out" means identifying someone as your - whatever - and giggling a lot and maybe batting eyelashes at lunchtime. As she is 13, and so are her "boyfriends", clearly they won't be driving alone anywhere! [lol] I finally told her that whenever she was actually ready to go someplace with a guy, it would either have to be a group date, or we would take them (and sit far enough away that they wouldn't be embarrased.) To be honest I think they like to group date nowadays - it's more fun, and less awkward.

Haven't figured out the rules yet for when she is old enough for one on one dates. Most likely Mr. SDF will meet the kid at the door with his rifle and give him a REAL firm handshake. heh.

--------------------
"Wolves, dragons and vampires, man. Draw the nut-bars like big ol' nut-bar magnets." ~evilrabbit

(snurched because one of my nutbar family members is all about wolves and another one is all about dragons...)(with apologies to surfcitydogdad)

Posts: 2397 | From: Texarkana, TX | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
snapdragonfly
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


Icon 1 posted      Profile for snapdragonfly     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Astra:
Depending on your circle of friends, 12-14 can be a time where you just want friends or where there is sexual activity going on already. You should make sure you know where your son stands and be honest and open with him, and expect the same from him in return.

That's a very good point. If you know the other kids and the other parents, that's always a good thing, for a lot of reasons including this one. I always have known my kids friends and the families they come from. It's a small town though and easy for me to do that - it's not always possible. But talking to the other parents is how you find out what the REAL deal is on all sorts of important stuff. That's one thing I have learned. -I've been on the giving end of this - I had to tell one friend what her kids meant by "tapping" - us parents gotta stick together. The kids have more energy and spare time than we do, all we have going for us is our money! heh!

--------------------
"Wolves, dragons and vampires, man. Draw the nut-bars like big ol' nut-bar magnets." ~evilrabbit

(snurched because one of my nutbar family members is all about wolves and another one is all about dragons...)(with apologies to surfcitydogdad)

Posts: 2397 | From: Texarkana, TX | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Lemon Demon
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Lemon Demon   E-mail Lemon Demon   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Hey guys, thanks for your input. It was really hlpful. they whent to the movies and I made sure there was a chaperone (another Boys father went along) and that there was a group of people, not just them. thanks again.

--------------------
"Realizing that one could Time Travel within his own liftime, Dr. Sam Becket stepped into the Quantum leap accelerator...and Vanished."-Quantum Leap

Posts: 44 | From: Cameron Park, CA | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Ramblin' Dave, quietly making noise
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Ramblin' Dave, quietly making noise   Author's Homepage   E-mail Ramblin' Dave, quietly making noise   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by snapdragonfly:


My daughter (13) started talking about "going out" with this guy or that guy and there were some interesting discussions until I determined that "going out" means identifying someone as your - whatever - and giggling a lot and maybe batting eyelashes at lunchtime.

Even when I was 13, the phrase "going out" kind of bugged me, since it wasn't really what people meant when they said it. I also remember that when a couple broke up and got back together, it was whispered that they were "going back out". [lol]

--------------------
Another lifetime I'd have fallen in love with you
Swept away by my feelings, ashamed and confused
But just now it's enough to be walking with you
Let the mystery play as it will! -Lui Collins

Posts: 2669 | From: Jouy en Josas, France | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Mrs. Chicopea
Xboxing Day


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Mrs. Chicopea     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
When I was 12 or 13 the phrase I hated was "scooping". It was also used in a sentence as, "did you scoop on him/her?". Which means, "Did you kiss him/her?"

Always just grossed me out.

--------------------
Don't judge someone unless you've walked a mile in their shoes. Then, if you still don't like them, it's ok! You'll be a mile away from them and you'll have their shoes.

Posts: 1300 | From: Massachusetts | Registered: Nov 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Joostik
The First USA Noel


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Joostik   Author's Homepage   E-mail Joostik   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
[Confused] There must be some cultural divide here. I mean, when I was that age, I could pretty much do as I pleased in that respect. Still, teenage pregnancy is very low in Holland.

(Our three-year old has already declared herself engaged -- to a boy about twice her age. She even said she was pregnant, but I blame that on those TV serials she watches with her mother... )

Posts: 794 | From: Utrecht, Utrecht | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Jonny T
Little Sales Drummer Boy


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Jonny T   Author's Homepage   E-mail Jonny T   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I'm echoing Joostik here. The whole idea of being "allowed" to have a girlfriend/boyfriend seems completely bizarre to me, whatever the age.

Also, IMO, it's dangerous. Saying they're not "allowed" rarely works in stopping kids but does pretty much guarantee they won't come for advice (or be in a position to receive it) or help if things go bad (sexually, romantically, whatever).

- Jonathan

--------------------
Hello, I love you - won't you tell me your name?
Hello! I'm good for nothing - will you love me just the same?

Greetings from the dark side...

Posts: 2731 | From: York/Reading, England | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
James G.
Xboxing Day


Icon 1 posted      Profile for James G.   Author's Homepage   E-mail James G.   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I think you came to a reasonable compromise, especially as it wasn't you who went along as a chaperone. It rarely works just to say someone can't do something, but instead its good to establish a framework in which you are both comfortable.

But overall I have to agree with the Jonny and Joostik that the specific concern about a girlfriend is something thats slightly alien to me. (Maybe its just because I'm neither a parent, or have friends with children that age. And when I was 12 myself I wasn't exactly popular [Smile] and so girlfriends weren't a problem. [Plus I was fairly reserved and would have been nervous even kissing a girl at that age.]) To me I'd view the 'date' in the same was I would any two friends going to the cinema together, so the worries you have are ones that wouldn't really occur to me. (ie. The 'worst' I'd expect them to get up to would be a bit of kissing)

--------------------
This is a public service announcement. The board is moving. Check Announcements Photos[/URL]

Posts: 1302 | From: Edinburgh, UK (Currently Nr. Swindon, UK) | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Spikey
Jingle Bell Hock


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Spikey   E-mail Spikey   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Just from my own experience: I had my first 'girlfriend' aged 9, and she was also my first kiss. We went to the cinema together once, unsupervised (obviously our parents dropped us off and picked us up). Absolutely nothing happened in the cinema. We were just giggling along at the film!

I think even at 12 not much would have been happening (maybe a little kissing).

--------------------
"The fact that "uvula" and "vulva" look and sound similar was just a happy coincidence." - Lainie

Posts: 548 | From: England | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Ramblin' Dave, quietly making noise
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Ramblin' Dave, quietly making noise   Author's Homepage   E-mail Ramblin' Dave, quietly making noise   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I guess my sense of "12 is too young" comes from recalling friends in junior high who referred to people they "went out with" in second grade. (For those of you who aren't familiar with the American system, second grade is age 7-8.) You do have to draw the line somewhere, and if you accept that at some point the kids will just get together behind your back, you can at least hope to push back the age at which it comes to that.

--------------------
Another lifetime I'd have fallen in love with you
Swept away by my feelings, ashamed and confused
But just now it's enough to be walking with you
Let the mystery play as it will! -Lui Collins

Posts: 2669 | From: Jouy en Josas, France | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Doug4.7
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Doug4.7   E-mail Doug4.7   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I keep reading this posts that say, "You can't stop them from doing things, so you might as well give in..." and it drives me crazy. True, if this is the first time you have put your foot down on some activity of his, then that might be true. However, if you have spent the last 12 years teaching him respect, right from wrong, and to obey you, then giving him guidelines will work.

--------------------
And now for something completely different...

Posts: 4164 | From: Alabama | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
  This topic comprises 2 pages: 1  2   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.

Instant Graemlins
   


Post new topic  New Poll  Post a reply Close topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Urban Legends Reference Pages

Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classic™ 6.7.2