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Author Topic: Not again. ~ Don't blame MySpace for bad parenting~***updated***
cubbie
Deck the Malls


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Yet another girl from my state has run off to met a guy she met on myspace.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060610/ap_on_re_us/myspace_mideast_trip;_ylt=Ak4X

My question is, why didn't the parents check her story out? Plus, we don't need a passport to go into Canada yet, last time I checked (not sure when the bill goes into effect). Wonder how long it took them to figure out she wasn't in Canada. Now MySpace is looking bad because of bad parenting. [flame]

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Morgaine La Raq Star
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A passport isn't needed for Canada & some other out of the US places yet but some (like me) decided to go ahead & get one as its good for 10 years & makes the whole border crossing process easier. IIRC, it will be required for any out of the US travel by the end of the year.

I do agree that the parents should have checked out her story a little better. An earlier Yahoo article made it sound like her parents didn't even call the other parents to verify that there was a trip. I wouldn't even send my kids to the movies with other parents without a phone call, much less a trip out of the country. And when I called the other parents & found out there *was* no trip, that child would be so grounded, they wouldn't be out of my sight for a month.
I'm curious as to how she got the money to go on the trip. At 16, I couldn't have afforded bus fare to the next state, much less a trip to a foreign country. I just did a quick Orbitz search for a trip from Detroit to Tel Aviv & it costs almost $1,400 ($1,368 to be exact). That's a lot of babysitting!

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cubbie
Deck the Malls


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Yea, in Michigan you don't need a passport to get into Canada if you have a birth certificate or valid state id, and proof that you are permitted to take a child out of the country if the child isn't related to you. But I think that's going to change sometime this year though.
I also wondered where she got the money. I can't even afford a weekend trip to Chicago, and I have a part time job.

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FrogFeathers
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I keep track of my son on MySpace. He has friends that leave comments loaded with swear words- which I politely ask him to remove (and if he doesn't, I sign in as him and do it myself) and I check his messages.

I have a relative who has a daughter the same age and she's not checked-up on. Some of us in the family have gone to her mother and told her of the inappropriate stuff on this girl's profiles (not just MySpace), but the mother just replies that she "doesn't get" all the computer stuff. The mother's BIL finally laid down the law (the girl uses their computer too) and got her passwords and checks up on her.

We actually worry about her becoming one of "those" stories.

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Kitten in the rain
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It's so funny. When I was 16, I was talking to (and meeting!) all kinds of people on the internet and local bullatin board systems. My parents never thought to check up on me -- back then, no one thought of the dangers. I dated people I'd met online, everything.

Now my father keeps track of how I'm doing by reading my blog. He even set up a livejournal community for a class that he taught last semester and required everyone to get an account and post on the community once a week. He said it was the most close-knit, productive class he'd ever taught.

These things can be useful, if you know how to use them. And I think that if you've taught your kid two ounces of common sense, they're not dangerous at all.

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Jocko's Jolly
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I thought you needed a passport to get back INTO the US from Canada. I guess it's just one of the forms of ID you could use. It's possible the girl didn't have a driver's license or a state ID, but I agree that the parents defintely didn't do a good job of parenting. I don't care how good the kid is or how good her grades are, you check up on everything, ESPECIALLY travel out of the country (these days, even a trip to Canada can get complicated).

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Christie
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I agree they should have checked the details of the proposed trip to Canada - but having said that if up to that point in time they had no reason to distrust their daughter I can see where they might have taken her word for what she was doing. It's also possible, given that her parents do not live together, that she was telling one parent "oh mom knows all about it and..." or "dad talked to my friend's parents so...". Not exactly unlikely.

I guess they won't be trusting her again for a long while or taking her word for anything. I wonder if she realises that that may the worst thing that is going to happen to her? That she has lost her parents trust.

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cubbie
Deck the Malls


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Yea losing her parents trust is a big thing too. It could of turned out much worse since she left the country and didnt really let anyone know.
I also met a few people I've talked to online, but all of them lived within 4 hours of where I lived. But I always met them in public.

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mrs.hi-c clown fishies
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Actually, it doesn't sound like bad decisions on the parents' part. They took her to the bus station, and when her friends parents didn't show up she was taken home. This kid ran away the next day.

However, if they had seen any correspondance on myspace, or via her email, they might have known something was up. To be honest, I don't ever remember my parents checking up on my emailings when I was a teen; I'm not even sure they knew I had my own email.

If fault should be blamed on anyone, place it on the girl (btw, I located her profile on myspace--it's set to private), and on guy she was going to see. Both should have known better.

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Elphaba Fabala Elphie Fae
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Semi-Update on the story...

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Mickey is a Hanukkah Bush
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Ah, so there's the answer- the guy paid for her ticket.

And why the hell does the Israeli family still expect them to get together? I strongly doubt the girl's parents will EVER let her out of their sights for a long time.

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Lainie
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quote:
Shawn Lester told The Saginaw News that her daughter has "never given me a day's trouble. ... I just don't understand with all these new laws protecting America how a 16-year-old kid could get out of the country."
1. The laws were not designed to keep 16YOs from running away.
2. You got her a passport.

Cubbie said:

quote:
Yea, in Michigan you don't need a passport to get into Canada if you have a birth certificate or valid state id, and proof that you are permitted to take a child out of the country if the child isn't related to you. But I think that's going to change sometime this year though.
It's not just in Michigan. Border crossing laws are uniform across the length of the US-Canada border.

Jocko's Wild

quote:
I thought you needed a passport to get back INTO the US from Canada.
If that were true, I'd still be there. [Big Grin]

Of course, once the law changes, you'll need a passport to get into Canada and to get back.

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cubbie
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Update. The girl is now bring charged as a run away. here's the link to the story. http://www.lsj.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060620/NEWS01/606200341

My question is, how come the mom didn't notice that she was talking to him on voice chat (internet phone, or whatever)? Even if she had headphones on, wouldn't mom still hear what she was saying.

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onein6billion
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I just heard about this today on the radio.

quote:
A 14-year-old Travis County girl who said she was sexually assaulted by a Buda man she met on MySpace.com sued the popular social networking site Monday for $30 million, claiming that it fails to protect minors from adult sexual predators.

The lawsuit claims that the Web site does not require users to verify their age and calls the security measures aimed at preventing strangers from contacting users younger than 16 "utterly ineffective."


Because apparently parenting their own children is too much effort for some parents, so everyone else has to do it for them.

ETA: Changed link to a story that you don't have to register to read.

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Mickey is a Hanukkah Bush
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Children. Are. Stupid.

That's the bottom line. I mean, how can someone expect a company like My Space monitor all (quickly checks her My Space home page for the current number) 87,144,097 profiles?

I mean, honestly, if My Space wanted to be REALLY secure and prevent that kind of crap, what can they do? Make a child verify that they know every single person on their friends list OUTSIDE of My Space?

Also, I've only seen kids from the US go to stupid measures (if other countries have stories, let me know). IIRC, some part of an SSN indicates the year in which someone was born (right/wrong?) What if they just have the person input that part of their SSN? Would that prevent fraudulent age-marking?

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Gale
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by Mickey is a waffle queen:
Children. Are. Stupid.


/hijack/ no children are not necessarily stupid. children are inexperienced, naive, still-developing, and have unrealistic expectations. This does not make children stupid /hijack/
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Mickey is a Hanukkah Bush
O Come Let Us Adore Sales


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quote:
Originally posted by Gayle:
quote:
Originally posted by Mickey is a waffle queen:
Children. Are. Stupid.


/hijack/ no children are not necessarily stupid. children are inexperienced, naive, still-developing, and have unrealistic expectations. This does not make children stupid /hijack/
I was generalizing it, because from what I've seen, a child's actions is a reflection of their upbringing. Stupid actions= stupid upbringing

(I know I'm going to get flamed, so I'll just explain that how I'm saying all of this is meant to be sarcastic)

ETA: clarity

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GenYus
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quote:
Originally posted by Mickey is a waffle queen:Also, I've only seen kids from the US go to stupid measures (if other countries have stories, let me know). IIRC, some part of an SSN indicates the year in which someone was born (right/wrong?) What if they just have the person input that part of their SSN? Would that prevent fraudulent age-marking?
According to the Social Security Administration, the SSN includes geographic information and a serialized group number (the two in the middle). You might be able to guess when the SSN was issued by the group number, but not when the holder was born. For example, if you were born in 1990, that might be a group number of 31, 33, 0r 35. But if you immigrated to this country and were issued an SSN in 1990, you'd also have a group number of 31, 33, or 35, even though you were born in 1970.

ETA: And even if you could tell age by the SSN, someone who lists their age as 16 instead of 36 could easily put in a partial SSN that shows them to be 16 instead of 36.

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mrs.hi-c clown fishies
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87,250,747-- Current myspace network [Smile]

I also managed to find Abdullah Psycho's site--the one that led little miss Innocent Reese girl away to the middle east. His site is decked out as an homage to Katherine, and she even posted fairly recently, saying that he is her habibi...blah blah blah.

I wonder where/how she managed to even get internet access after this whole thing. If she can be charged as a runaway, she won't be on for a long, long, time. Even so, how are her parents going to stop her when she is able to get back online?

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cubbie
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cubbie
Deck the Malls


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I agree with Mickey. I was really stupid at 16, but my mom raised me to know better than to run off to marry some guy in other country that I really didn't know. My mom tried her best to keep me and my 4 brothers striaght and well behaved while being a single mom working full time.
I wounder if this girl really knows what she's really fetting into when she really converts to Islam. I've been studying it for a year and I still haven't decided if I want to convert or not. She can't drink when she turns 21, no peporoni pizza (cant eat any pork), pray 5 times a day, learn Arabic, etc. Converting to Islam is not easy as converting within the Christian faith. And is she really sure that she's converting for herself, or just for the man she thinks she's in love with.

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Mickey is a Hanukkah Bush
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quote:
Originally posted by cubbie:
And is she really sure that she's converting for herself, or just for the man she thinks she's in love with.

That's another thought that crossed my mind. I strongly feel that one should not convert religions for the person they love, but for their admiration and love for the religion.

Which is why I don't date gentiles. If one were to propose to me, I'd have to say "Only if you convert." And I don't want to put someone under that pressure.

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My mom, about my nervousness with Jeopardy!: "Don't worry about it. Just get drunk and you'll do fine."
Blog Just call me Mickey 2

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cubbie
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Excatly Mickey. When people find out I'm interested in Islam (ie. non muslim people), they think its because of a guy.Ok my boyfriend happens to be muslim, but I met him about 6 months into my study of Islam.

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PallasAthena
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I find that attitude really annoying too cubbie. Everyone assumes I converted to Catholicism because my husband in Catholic, when in reality, I'd been intensely interested and curious about it since I was in high school.

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Ben Who
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I just saw on TV yet another thing about MySpace. Employers surf the Web looking for information on prospective employees, and if your MySpace account (or LiveJournal, or Blogspot, or whatever) shows you as a hard-partying college student, that'll work against you. I thought it was a bit silly--there's a limit to the degree that I want a prospective employer to look into my personal life--but I also thought, why not use this tactic in your favor?

If you're job-hunting, turn your MySpace account (or LiveJournal et al) into a paean to your professionalism. Take lots of pictures of yourself in business wear, poring over books or giving PowerPoint presentations. I've never read MySpace myself, but after seeing how many total strangers apparently have so much interest in me, I'm considering getting one and turning it into a resume.

Then, if someone that you really don't want prying into your personal life starts snooping around, all they'll find are pictures of you hard at work and a profile describing your limitless dedication to your performance. You can put back up the party-hardy stuff once you're safely hired. [Smile] (I know I would!)

Love, Who?

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Amigone201
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Am I the only one who doesn't have much sympathy for this girl? She knew running off to another country was wrong--she had to subvert her parents to do it, so she must have been taught the difference between right and wrong.

I mean, really, this was a stupid, stupid thing to do, and if something HAD happened to her, she would have learned why. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm glad she came home and everything, but really...I can't waste my energy worrying about people getting hurt when they go to great lengths to bring it on themselves.

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cubbie
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You're not alone Amigone. She's lucky she doesn't know me, or she'd get a butt whooping.
PallasAthena, glad to hear I'm not the only one that it's annoyed. My boyfriend is supportive of what ever I choose to go with. Plus he had no clue I was even interested in Islam intill one of his friends pointed out that I had a Quran. He's blind so it's abivously hard for him to notice all the books on Islam in my room:p [fish]

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cubbie
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another update. The girl said on the local news that she was going to marry him when she got there (most of you already knew that) but she was going to bring him back with her.
is it just me, or does this scream the guy wants a green card.

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mrs.hi-c clown fishies
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Cubbie-
Did you notice that all the family wanted was their "privacy" from the media? According to our local paper, she was in an undisclosed location to live with her father. Apparently, her mother lost custody of her for this whole mess (big suprise there). But I didn't know that their privacy included airing out the family's dirty laundry on Good Morning America. Is it just me, or was it really obvious that the dad doesn't get along with the mom?

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cubbie
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I wondered that too after seeing a bit of the interview on Good Morning America on the local news. But I didn't know the mom lost custody, but no big surprise. Once my mom found out I was doing something similer online when I was 15, she cut the internet and all my contact with this person. And thanks to my mom, I know know how stupid I was to like this guy [dunce] thanks mom! [Big Grin]

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