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Author Topic: Psychotic Ex-Girlfriend
Amigone201
Happy Holly Days


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Oh God. She's back.

This psycho I dated last summer in Binghamton. We weren't together for very long, but it didn't take very long for her to wreck my life. She did everything nightmare relationships are made of:

1. Our conversations consisted of nothing more than long diatribes about her (many!) exes. Every topic came back to her exes.

2. She threw jealous fits every time I mentioned my female friends. I'm talking screaming, then crying, then aplogies, and, like a fool, I went back to her. Multiple times.

3. She convinced me to sleep with her, even though I wasn't terribly thrilled about the idea. I was, however, smart enough to make sure she was on birth control pills.

4. She insisted that we say "I love you" even though we'd only been going out for a month, and I didn't want to. When I said as much, she threw another fit, and I finally caved and started saying it. (Yes, I know, I know...)

5. She then tried to dump me, and told me she was going to do it for 2 days, and wanted me to go out and meet her at the location of our first date, which apparently held some special significance. It was the Target parking lot. (Yes, I know it sounds bizarre and redneckish; it does to me too.) When she got there, she started what became a 2-hour diatribe about her exes, and we never did break up, even though I wanted to, and told everyone I was going to. (I anger myself sometimes.)

6. Then later, she finally just did it, and I felt very relieved. But she then tried to change her mind, and I finally had grown enough of a backbone to tell her no. She then hung up crying, and called me the next day to tell me she had something horrible to tell me.

7. She called me every day to tell me she was going to tell me something horrible, and on the following Saturday she told me lied about ever being on birth control and she was pregnant.

Well, over the hellish month, I crashed big time. I didn't each much, and didn't sleep well, and to cap it all off, she kept calling me and bringing up her issues. I didn't answer the phone, but I did record all of her voice mails into .wav files. I booted her from my Myspace, then wrote the whole story down in the blog. My psycho ex then created a profile of some fake person and tried to get me to put her back on my buddy list so she could see what I wrote about her.

By the way, did I mention that every time she started a screaming fit about me, she accused me of being like her exes? Yeah, her exes who cheated on her, threw her down flights of stairs, beat her, etc. As you can imagine, I never did anything of the sort, but you probably know by now; she's quite deranged.

Luckily, through all this, my friends supported me, some from close by, some from far away. The situation never really "ended" per se, but her calls and IMs never amounted to anything. She just kept threatening me, but she never really was pregnant. In fact, when my friends and I went over the facts together, most of the stories didn't hold together and made no sense. In other words, she was lying, simply to torture me.

When I moved to Buffalo, she stopped harrassing me, but it's started again. She's IMed me two weeks ago, and just sent me a text message ten minutes ago, both saying she wanted to "apologize." I ignored them, but every time I hear from her, I get this knot in my stomach. I want her to go away, and leave me alone.

I've been considering changing my phone number next time renew the family plan. I may look into doing it sooner. And my IM name.

I don't know really what I want from you guys; maybe just to vent? Anyway, thanks for reading through this; I know it was long.

--------------------
Check out my blog! http://fundiewatch.blogspot.com

Posts: 1527 | From: Buffalo, NY | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Ramblin' Dave, quietly making noise
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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I can't offer you much but moral support...but consider that sent! I've had a couple of nutty exes as well; one of them accused me once of "selling personal information to ghe government" about her (based entirely on one end of a stranger's cel-phone conversation that she overheard at Starbuck's!). Even after she cooled down and realized I had done no such thing, she still asked me for a written letter testifying that I hadn't done it. If you ask her today, she'll tell you we broke up because she didn't like the way I made mountains out of molehills. Yes, really.

Best of luck in weathering the storm!

--------------------
Another lifetime I'd have fallen in love with you
Swept away by my feelings, ashamed and confused
But just now it's enough to be walking with you
Let the mystery play as it will! -Lui Collins

Posts: 2669 | From: Jouy en Josas, France | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
violetbon
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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I think you should change every number you have, immediately! New phone number, new email, everything. Make sure you don't have any profiles or anything under any name or handle that she may know. Be very careful to whom you give your new contact info.

If this lady is telling you that she is pregnant when she isn't, she's got some serious issues. Even just the fact that she is able to leave messages for you is feeding her fantasy. Even though you don't answer, she knows you hear her messages. She will continue to delude herself into thinking that you "need" to hear what she has to say, as long as she is allowed to say it.

You also didn't mention if you have a current, non-psycho girlfriend, but believe me, this nut will make it hard for any woman to stick around.

I don't know you amigone, and I'm most likely not in your peer group, but sometimes an outside viewpoint helps.

Violetbon

Posts: 193 | From: Seymour, Indiana | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Giselle
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Psycho exes suck! When I finally got up the nerve to leave mine I had to move all the way across the U.S. to be rid of him. He had my current phone number though and my e-mail and messenger id so I got all sorts of screaming calls, emails, and messages about how I ruined his life and he was going to come rape and kill me. IMO,the best thing you can do is not only to change your phone number but completely stop using all emails and id's she knows about or can find out about. I had to actually go to my yahoo account settings and change my password and password hint info with my eyes closed(so I didn't know the passwords) so I wouldn't go back and check to see what all he'd written. After that I didn't look back and life has been fabulous without any contact from him. Good luck!

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Ralphie, get off the stage sweetheart.

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violetbon
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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Giselle, kudos to you for getting out of that situation, and doing it well and wisely!

Violetbon

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Cervus
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Changing your phone number, email, and IM seems like the best approach. Remove yourself from the phone book. Does she know your new address?

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"There is no constitutional right to sleep with endangered reptiles." -- Carl Hiaasen
Won't somebody please think of the adults!

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Barbara
Layaway in a Manger


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I agree with the advice you've been getting from all the others on this thread - it's just not worth it to hang onto your current phone number and IM information. Yes, I know changing them is a pain in the fundament, but it is far better to go through this tumult than the one she apparently wants to put you through.

Next time look before you leap (in bed).

Barbara "fortune cookie moment" Mikkelson

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Para
Deck the Malls


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Good grief.. have you gone to the police and reported her for harassment? With the .wav files and blog, you've got plenty of evidence.

--------------------
"But what of the golden spider-duck and the squat crimson pig?"

Posts: 425 | From: Oklahoma | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Mickey is a Hanukkah Bush
O Come Let Us Adore Sales


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Most phone companies will change a phone number for free if you have circumstances like yours. And changing screen names and such isn't difficult. Especially now, with IM linking, you can put up a perma-away message for your old SN, and have your old SN's profile say "New SN- IM me for it" for those who you may occasionally talk to (also a good way to weed out the fairweather friends), but automatically give the SN to the people you KNOW want to stay in contact with you (and is reciprocated!)

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My mom, about my nervousness with Jeopardy!: "Don't worry about it. Just get drunk and you'll do fine."
Blog Just call me Mickey 2

Posts: 3295 | From: Radford, VA/Herndon, VA/Orlando, FL | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
ali_marea
The "Was on Sale" Song


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It's already been said, but I'll say it again. There's a dickhead I used to work with who has been on and off stalking me for a few years. Every time I thought he was out of my life for good I'd end up hearing from him again.

Do what everyone says. What I ended up doing. Change your cell phone number if you have one. Change your home phone number if you have one and get it unlisted. Change your email address and your IM. Change your MySpace and your blog if you have to.

Oh, one last thing that can also help is if you send her one last email (from the account you're about to close) and tell her if she does not cease contact immediately you will go to the police for a restraining order. I know that common advice will be to have no more contact with her, but I think this one thing is reasonable. Print it out, send a copy from that email address to your new one, and keep it. Just in case.

Best of luck!

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28 days, 6 hours, 42 minutes, and 12 seconds. That is when the world will end.

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RingKeeper
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Agree with everyone else on changing your contact info. My brother just went through a horrible experience with a girl (oddly enough, he is also a law student) and although changing that info didn't solve all the problems, it greatly reduced the harrassment and his stress. He basically ignored her and she is finally getting the message.

Good luck. Hopefully she will tire her self out and find someone else to latch on to before long. Not that I would wish that on anyone.

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There are just some things a dog can't explain to a monkey.

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Hero_Mike
Happy Holly Days


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Just remember that if you change all your contact info, you should speak with any mutual friends you may have. Or for that matter, people who she might contact in order to find you.

When I broke up with a girl, many years ago, we had mutual friends. At first, said mutual friends were very free with talking to her about me. On the other hand, I made a "clean break". It didn't work - and one of my conditions for continued friendship with these people was that I don't talk with them about "her", and they don't tell "her" anything new about me.

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"The fate of *billions* depends on you! Hahahahaha....sorry." Lord Raiden - Mortal Kombat

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Amigone201
Happy Holly Days


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Thanks all!

And yes, Barbara, I'm a little older, and a little wiser now [Smile]

quote:
Originally posted by Hero_Mike:
Just remember that if you change all your contact info, you should speak with any mutual friends you may have. Or for that matter, people who she might contact in order to find you.

Yeah, there aren't any mutual friends. She doesn't have any friends (!), and only met two friends of mine, and then only briefly. As far as I know, for her part, she's intolerable and nobody can stand her.

Luckily, the harassment isn't really a problem. She would have no way of contacting anyone who knows how to find me. She really can't look me up online. I checked; there's no record anywhere of my current address anywhere. I also take solace in her complete lack of motivation and driving ability; she'll never be able make the 4+ hour drive up here to Buffalo, and even if she did, she'd just get hopelessly lost.

I can, and will, however, get started on changing my username and phone number. I think that would be enough to cause her to simply give up, and as soon as I'm done with that, she'll be gone.

quote:
Originally posted by Para:
Good grief.. have you gone to the police and reported her for harassment? With the .wav files and blog, you've got plenty of evidence.

Thank you guys also for being sympathetic to my safety; she thus far hasn't threatened me with violence (in fact, never did). If she doesn't threaten me, I can't get the restraining order. The evidence is simply her consantly talking about being pregnant and what a horrible man I am for not wanting to take responsibility for what I did, and she's going to tell my parents, etc. I figured if she did actually turn out to be pregnant, those would come in handy in family court. Luckily, it never came to that.

Also, thank God, she's only contacted me twice since I left Binghamton. Since I ignored both, I'm also hoping she'll just leave me alone. Both were the profusest of apologies, which I simply ignored. I'm hoping that sends a clear message.

--------------------
Check out my blog! http://fundiewatch.blogspot.com

Posts: 1527 | From: Buffalo, NY | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Nobody Important
Jingle Bell Hock


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You might find some helpful information on this site http://groups.msn.com/narcissisticpersonalitydisorder/home1.msnw

Your ex seems to have many of the symptoms.

Good luck, Amigone. [Smile]

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katsalittleyellowsongbird
The Spice Is Right


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quote:
Originally posted by Nobody Important:
You might find some helpful information on this site http://groups.msn.com/narcissisticpersonalitydisorder/home1.msnw

Your ex seems to have many of the symptoms.


I agree NI... but I think you may be dealing with someone suffering from that olde Madonna song (Borderline)
A little research on Borderline Personality disorder could be really helpful in helping you understand what you are dealing with in this young lady, and strategies for keeping your sanity intact while dealing with such an obviously unstable individual. Good Luck!!

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MissEltoe
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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And my ex thought I was crazy. [lol]

Seriously, I feel bad for you because this chick really does seem to be unstable.

Again, just an echo of what everyone else has said; change everything and GOOD LUCK.

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Licorice of the Lord! This is classy stuff...Should I be wearing a tie? Or, at least, pants?
~I'mNotDedalus

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Gale
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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While it makes sense to warn the person of consequences of further contact, sometimes I think it's better just to file the restraining order or whatever action you choose instead of warning. Direct communication of any kind only seems to feed the flames from what I've seen.
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The Memorial Storm
Lard Sharks


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quote:
Originally posted by Amigone201:
Oh God. She's back.

This psycho I dated last summer in Binghamton. We weren't together for very long, but it didn't take very long for her to wreck my life. She did everything nightmare relationships are made of:

1. Our conversations consisted of nothing more than long diatribes about her (many!) exes. Every topic came back to her exes.

2. She threw jealous fits every time I mentioned my female friends. I'm talking screaming, then crying, then aplogies, and, like a fool, I went back to her. Multiple times.

3. She convinced me to sleep with her, even though I wasn't terribly thrilled about the idea. I was, however, smart enough to make sure she was on birth control pills.

4. She insisted that we say "I love you" even though we'd only been going out for a month, and I didn't want to. When I said as much, she threw another fit, and I finally caved and started saying it. (Yes, I know, I know...)

5. She then tried to dump me, and told me she was going to do it for 2 days, and wanted me to go out and meet her at the location of our first date, which apparently held some special significance. It was the Target parking lot. (Yes, I know it sounds bizarre and redneckish; it does to me too.) When she got there, she started what became a 2-hour diatribe about her exes, and we never did break up, even though I wanted to, and told everyone I was going to. (I anger myself sometimes.)

6. Then later, she finally just did it, and I felt very relieved. But she then tried to change her mind, and I finally had grown enough of a backbone to tell her no. She then hung up crying, and called me the next day to tell me she had something horrible to tell me.

7. She called me every day to tell me she was going to tell me something horrible, and on the following Saturday she told me lied about ever being on birth control and she was pregnant.

Well, over the hellish month, I crashed big time. I didn't each much, and didn't sleep well, and to cap it all off, she kept calling me and bringing up her issues. I didn't answer the phone, but I did record all of her voice mails into .wav files. I booted her from my Myspace, then wrote the whole story down in the blog. My psycho ex then created a profile of some fake person and tried to get me to put her back on my buddy list so she could see what I wrote about her.

By the way, did I mention that every time she started a screaming fit about me, she accused me of being like her exes? Yeah, her exes who cheated on her, threw her down flights of stairs, beat her, etc. As you can imagine, I never did anything of the sort, but you probably know by now; she's quite deranged.

Luckily, through all this, my friends supported me, some from close by, some from far away. The situation never really "ended" per se, but her calls and IMs never amounted to anything. She just kept threatening me, but she never really was pregnant. In fact, when my friends and I went over the facts together, most of the stories didn't hold together and made no sense. In other words, she was lying, simply to torture me.

When I moved to Buffalo, she stopped harrassing me, but it's started again. She's IMed me two weeks ago, and just sent me a text message ten minutes ago, both saying she wanted to "apologize." I ignored them, but every time I hear from her, I get this knot in my stomach. I want her to go away, and leave me alone.

I've been considering changing my phone number next time renew the family plan. I may look into doing it sooner. And my IM name.

I don't know really what I want from you guys; maybe just to vent? Anyway, thanks for reading through this; I know it was long.

No offence Amigone...but if a woman is this bad so early in such a short relationship, how did you get to the point where you feel the need to "go back to her"? It doesn't sound like she had any redeeming qualities so why even bother? Just toss her to the curb at the first sign of psychosis. And if sleeping with her didn't really sit well with you (which meant that condoms should've definitely been used on your part, rather than just trusting her to use BC) why do it? Was she really THAT good-lloking or rish or what?

Anyway, I'm glad that you managed to make her history but I hope you're little more careful in your decisions. Keep safe.

--------------------
"Everything dies, but not everything comes to an end..." - Rev. Thomas Martin, City of the Dead

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Troberg
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


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My humble suggestion:

Send her one last mail, something along these lines:

"Forget it.

You've screwed it up, big time and repeatedly. I do not want to hear from you ever again. I will thrash further communication unread. This is not negotiable.

Now leave me alone."

That should be clear enough. Hopefully you don't have to change phone numbers and stuff (it's fairly easy to find someone anyway, so it's not very effective).

--------------------
/Troberg

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Bionic Jo
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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You know, it's stories like this that make me glad I only have one ex...and he's dead. I don't understand why people have no concept of the word 'no' these days. Sorry to hear of your troubles, Amigone. I would go with the great advice you've gotten so far on this board.
Jo

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If you obey all the rules you miss all the fun.
Katharine Hepburn

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Amigone201
Happy Holly Days


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quote:
Originally posted by Troberg:
My humble suggestion:

Send her one last mail, something along these lines:

"Forget it.

You've screwed it up, big time and repeatedly. I do not want to hear from you ever again. I will thrash further communication unread. This is not negotiable.

Now leave me alone."

That should be clear enough. Hopefully you don't have to change phone numbers and stuff (it's fairly easy to find someone anyway, so it's not very effective).

This suggestion is VERY tempting, and I may just do it if I hear from her again. The restraining order may be tough; I don't know her address. Never did. This may be the best way, since I don't want to threaten anything that I can't follow through on.

Who knows though? After the last two ignored communications, she may have given up.

quote:
Originally posted by The_Memorial_Storm:
No offence Amigone...but if a woman is this bad so early in such a short relationship, how did you get to the point where you feel the need to "go back to her"? It doesn't sound like she had any redeeming qualities so why even bother? Just toss her to the curb at the first sign of psychosis. And if sleeping with her didn't really sit well with you (which meant that condoms should've definitely been used on your part, rather than just trusting her to use BC) why do it?

I don't think you're getting the whole picture. I already know that any and all contact I had with her was toxic and damaging. As I described it, it's easy to see. While it's happening, not so much. Yes, I'm aware condoms should have been used, but she said she had a latex allergy, so I tried to respect that.

quote:
Was she really THAT good-lloking or rish or what?
She was neither rich nor attractive, but at the time I was extremely bored, lonely, and in general dissatisfied with everything (a condition which I wasn't aware of at the time either). I also felt like she needed to be with a good guy because of all the crap she'd been through in the past. I learned what happens when you do that too.

Luckily, one of my saving graces is the fact that she's unambitious, lazy, and poor, because she doesn't have the resources to chase me down.
quote:
Anyway, I'm glad that you managed to make her history but I hope you're little more careful in your decisions. Keep safe.
Well, I appreciate the sentiment, but I can't help feeling like you're writing not so much out of sympathy and more because you enjoy the fact that you can tell me something I did was supremely stupid. Trust me, I know that already. I know everything I did was stupid, and I'm plenty sorry I did it.

Have you ever done anything mind-bogglingly dumb?

Oh, and NI, MissE, Kats, Gayle, and Bionic, I read your responses today too. Thanks.

--------------------
Check out my blog! http://fundiewatch.blogspot.com

Posts: 1527 | From: Buffalo, NY | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
The Memorial Storm
Lard Sharks


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quote:
Originally posted by Amigone201:
Yes, I'm aware condoms should have been used, but she said she had a latex allergy, so I tried to respect that.

Lambskin...ployurethane...there are other alternatives...

quote:
She was neither rich nor attractive, but at the time I was extremely bored, lonely, and in general dissatisfied with everything (a condition which I wasn't aware of at the time either). I also felt like she needed to be with a good guy because of all the crap she'd been through in the past. I learned what happens when you do that too.
Yeah, I definitely know about the "wounded bird" bit. Hard to ignore sometimes.

quote:
Luckily, one of my saving graces is the fact that she's unambitious, lazy, and poor, because she doesn't have the resources to chase me down.
Good thing that is.
quote:
Well, I appreciate the sentiment, but I can't help feeling like you're writing not so much out of sympathy and more because you enjoy the fact that you can tell me something I did was supremely stupid. Trust me, I know that already. I know everything I did was stupid, and I'm plenty sorry I did it.

Have you ever done anything mind-bogglingly dumb?

No, I was genuine in my sentiment. But you are right, I am a little aghast at the unecessary drama you put yourself through. And yes I have done things that can be considered mind-boggling dumb. But my empathy works in reverse...I bash myself over my dumba$$ mistakes so I guess that I am extra critical when I se others being as dumb as myself! [lol]

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"Everything dies, but not everything comes to an end..." - Rev. Thomas Martin, City of the Dead

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lioness
Deck the Malls


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I have an ex-BF who started to stalk me when I told him that we had nothing in common so it was over. Eventually, I sent him an e-mail saying that if he continued to contact me, I'd file a restraining order as my state has anti-stalking laws in effect. That worked, and I haven't heard from this nutcase in nearly 3 years.

A good friend of mine has an ex who is just like your ex, except for saying she was pregnant. He went to an anger management counselor after the breakup and was told that he didn't have an anger problem, just low self-esteem. He went because she said that he was "angry" all the time, because her exes had beat her. This friend isn't that kind of person at all, he wouldn't dream of hitting any woman.

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Amigone201
Happy Holly Days


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quote:
Originally posted by The Memorial Storm:
quote:
Originally posted by Amigone201:
Yes, I'm aware condoms should have been used, but she said she had a latex allergy, so I tried to respect that.

Lambskin...ployurethane...there are other alternatives...
We considered that. It wasn't working for reasons that I prefer not to get into here.
quote:
I was genuine in my sentiment. But you are right, I am a little aghast at the unecessary drama you put yourself through. And yes I have done things that can be considered mind-boggling dumb. But my empathy works in reverse...I bash myself over my dumba$$ mistakes so I guess that I am extra critical when I se others being as dumb as myself! [lol]
Well, I haven't done enough fool things to get to the head bashing part. I've done this, it's probably my only one, and I've come out far wiser because of it.

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Posts: 1527 | From: Buffalo, NY | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
The Memorial Storm
Lard Sharks


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Well that is definitely a good thing.

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"Everything dies, but not everything comes to an end..." - Rev. Thomas Martin, City of the Dead

Posts: 293 | From: Toronto, ON | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
DemonWolf
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by Troberg:
My humble suggestion:

Send her one last mail, something along these lines:

"Forget it.

You've screwed it up, big time and repeatedly. I do not want to hear from you ever again. I will thrash further communication unread. This is not negotiable.

Now leave me alone."

That should be clear enough. Hopefully you don't have to change phone numbers and stuff (it's fairly easy to find someone anyway, so it's not very effective).

I would disagree. Amigone has already tole her this, he is past this stage. Responding is still responding. She wants a response, you will reward her behavior and encourage further attempts at communication. As long as she thinks that you are listening, she will continue to plead her case in the hopes of wearing you down.
Ignoring her calls is best. Should it come a point where you cannot ignore her (in-person, threats, etc) then you should respond in a way that gives her as little pleasure as possible (restraining order, etc).


An aside thought (and probably a bad idea)- I wonder if she will stop after she finds a new man. Is there some way you could hook her up with someone? Maybe get her email address onto a dating site?

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IMJW-052804

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Ink Rose
Deck the Malls


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quote:
An aside thought (and probably a bad idea)- I wonder if she will stop after she finds a new man. Is there some way you could hook her up with someone? Maybe get her email address onto a dating site?
If I know any people who really deserve dealing with such a person I will let the poor guy know. Cause the only ones I can think of are the type of people I wouldn't let near any woman if their lives depended on it. [fish]

quote:
I would disagree. Amigone has already tole her this, he is past this stage. Responding is still responding.
Good advice there! The woman is obviously a nut job and while you can't make her get help, or even send your life down the drain trying...
I wish you the best, Amigone.

I have a tendency to swing off topic when something reminds me of a situation being discussed. So, with all respect, I know someone who's mom has episodes, he's been living with this forever and I know he stays with friends and family when she ends up in the hospital. I didn't want to see him toss his life down the drain simply because he didn't want to leave her for uni, and minors are not supposed to raise their parents either. Like him you obviously don't want to be tortured like this, but you're limited in your options. What was that saying, hindsight is 20/20 or something like that? You are tied to her (he by love, you by the fact that you know have someone stalking you and can't get a restraining order, OUCH!) and I can't even begin to imagine how awful it is, and was, for you. I used to think telemarketers were bad. [flame]

The people I know either threatened with or got a restraining order, which curbed the behavior. This isn't really an option for you but you should have gotten one claiming self defense of your sanity and assault against your beloved mind. [Big Grin]
It's not too hard to change all you numbers and such, my family did it when our home number kept getting calls from people who thought it was a drug rehabilitation clinic or some such. [lol] and IMS and e-mail is even easier.

You've got it hard man, hard. I wish you the best of luck and hopes this ends things for you. And if not my solution is to date a very tough law student. [lol]

And about me, the only ex that I dated seriously was slightly... eh, not all there. When I broke up with him I think he'd realized he'd been a little too intense, told me he'd love me forever, and then never contacted me again. I spoke to him after a while as just a friend, and he seemed fine. I don't deal very well with stalkers, so it's probably a good thing else I'd be in jail for assault.

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Website: http://stu.aii.edu/~krm184
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Amigone201
Happy Holly Days


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quote:
Originally posted by DemonWolf:
I would disagree. Amigone has already tole her this, he is past this stage. Responding is still responding. She wants a response, you will reward her behavior and encourage further attempts at communication. As long as she thinks that you are listening, she will continue to plead her case in the hopes of wearing you down.

I don't remember if I actually told her in no uncertain terms "Do not speak to me ever again." It would be obvious to anyone in her right mind that that's what I want from the fact that I haven't made any effort to contact her since we broke up, and ignore every communication I receive from her, but clearly, she's not in her right mind. So maybe one more response, just so I can say I did it and have it on record wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.
quote:
Ignoring her calls is best. Should it come a point where you cannot ignore her (in-person, threats, etc) then you should respond in a way that gives her as little pleasure as possible (restraining order, etc).
Well, the order isn't really an option (Quick FYI to everyone: We call them Orders of Protection [OOP] in New York). I'd need an address and a reason, and the two messages in the last year don't really qualify. I can change my phone number, and block her AIM. That would probably get rid of her, since all she's really doing is using methods of communication I simply haven't changed. She doesn't have my address and even if she did find it somehow (which is extremely unlikely), she'd never be able to get up here. If she did, though, I'd call the police.
quote:
An aside thought (and probably a bad idea)- I wonder if she will stop after she finds a new man. Is there some way you could hook her up with someone? Maybe get her email address onto a dating site?
That would require some type of contact with her.

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Posts: 1527 | From: Buffalo, NY | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
MissEltoe
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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quote:
Have you ever done anything mind-bogglingly dumb?
Yup. That's why my ex thinks I'm crazy. [Wink]

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Licorice of the Lord! This is classy stuff...Should I be wearing a tie? Or, at least, pants?
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rodh
Deck the Malls


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quote:
Originally posted by Nobody Important:
You might find some helpful information on this site http://groups.msn.com/narcissisticpersonalitydisorder/home1.msnw

Your ex seems to have many of the symptoms.

Good luck, Amigone. [Smile]

Thank you so much for that link. I checked it out and it has a ton of information on it. I had a fast look at the "Links for Guys". I definately will have a more detailed look tonight. The section on Borderline Personality Disorder describes my ex-wife perfectly. My family counsellor had suggested that she may have BPD and I feel that he is right. One of the websites is www.batteredmen.com. I had to stop reading it because I'm at work and I was starting to cry.

I feel sorry for Amigone because I know exactly what he's gone through. I have gone through it myself over several years, with the situation getting worse all the time.

This reminds me of a Rant that I need regarding how men are treated in Family Court and in the justice system. Another day and a separate thread for that one.

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Barbara
Layaway in a Manger


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quote:
Originally posted by Amigone201:
I don't remember if I actually told her in no uncertain terms "Do not speak to me ever again." It would be obvious to anyone in her right mind that that's what I want from the fact that I haven't made any effort to contact her since we broke up, and ignore every communication I receive from her, but clearly, she's not in her right mind. So maybe one more response, just so I can say I did it and have it on record wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.

Translation: "I'm not done with the drama yet."

Amigone201, if you want this woman out of your life, change your contact info so she can't get in touch with you, then let the matter drop. No last speeches or commands, no trying to get the last word, no further contact of any kind. To do otherwise is to keep that door wedged open.

Barbara "each of us lives the life we choose" Mikkelson

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Amigone201
Happy Holly Days


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quote:
Originally posted by Barbara:
Translation: "I'm not done with the drama yet."

Amigone201, if you want this woman out of your life, change your contact info so she can't get in touch with you, then let the matter drop. No last speeches or commands, no trying to get the last word, no further contact of any kind. To do otherwise is to keep that door wedged open.

Barbara "each of us lives the life we choose" Mikkelson

Yeah, you're right. I'll just get rid of it all.

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Posts: 1527 | From: Buffalo, NY | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
quiltsbypam
Happy Holly Days


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Good luck, neighbor. I hope you're rid of her, and soon. There's enough drah-ma in everyday life.

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"No Biblical hell could ever be worse than the state of perpetual inconsequence." Beatrice in Dangerous Beauty

Posts: 1816 | From: Cayuga County, NY | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
   

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