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» Hello snopes.com » SLC Central » Rantidote » Letters You Wish You Could Send - June 2006 (Page 8)

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Author Topic: Letters You Wish You Could Send - June 2006
Hazed
We Three Blings


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Dear upstairs neighbor(s):

Everynight like clockwork at 10pm it appears by the sound of it like you are moving all your heavy furniture across the floor. However, the rest of the day you make not a peep. Why is that? 'Cause it's really freaking annoying!

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Ms. Kringle
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Dear Young Miss K and Friend,

Thank you for being the good kids I know you cam be, because that's what you are, yesterday. It made swimsuit shopping with two of you MUCH easier!

Congratulations, y'all found what you wanted, and didn't make me or Friend's Mom cringe too badly!

Thank you for a relatively painless experience!

Love,
Mom

--------------------
Beware corporate zombies! They will purchase your brain on E-Bay!

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Raven Waift
The First USA Noel


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Dear people who tried to take our pipes,
You suck! I had to wait to use the toilet- and that was a really long wait. Get a life for heavens and little angels!

The girl who *will* hurt you if she catches you

Dear other tenants,
This'll teach whichever one of you was leaving the door open. Ha! Now you won't be able to leave it open.

The chick in #2

--------------------
Whereas as you are dancing happily in the fields of ignorance through which the stream of stupidity bubbles and flows. -BlushingBride
My my space.

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Phil'sGirl
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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Dear Phil,

Happy 36th Birthday!

Phil'sGirl

--------------------
"Nobody ever looks like McCarthy, sir. That's how they get in the door in the first place" Toby on The West Wing

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Tzarina
Xboxing Day


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Dearest Husband,

Happy Anniversary. Five years ago today, we met in person. I was a single mom, totally overwhelmed and seriously in need of some emotional stability. And there you were. You took on the role of dad to the Peanut. She loves you so much. I can't wait for the adoption to go through, so I can forever be rid of her bio-father.

You have always stood by my side and rooted for me from the sidelines.

I can honestly say that without you, I would not be where I am today. I know that I've never been happier than I am now. They've been 5 good (yet rough in places) years. We've been through some horrible, wonderful, strange, scary, and hilarious things. But we've been through all of them together. There's no one I'd rather have at my side.

I love you,
Doll

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Jennie Price
Baby 100 Grand


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OT: I'd like to thanks everyone for the thoughts and hugs.

jennie

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[URL= http://www.myspace.com/jennieprice] http://www.myspace.com/jennieprice[/URL]

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Lainie
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Jennie,

I'm glad we could help, in even the smallest way.

Lainie

--------------------
How homophobic do you have to be to have penguin gaydar? - Lewis Black

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guruwan2b
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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waffles

--------------------
Too much of this navel gazing and we'll disappear up our own arses.
Danvers Carew

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guruwan2b
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Dear coworker,
I have already put in for vacation for the week of the 4th of July. We will be leaving the state for the week. I put in for this vacation over 2 weeks ago, paperwork has been approved.
Now you say you need that week off. Tough titty said the kitty.
I am your backup and I won't be here, so you can't take off. You'll quit? Yeah, like you can find another job that will pay what you make for the little work you do.
If you want to take off, you have two weeks to train someone else to do your job. Better get started, because I am not changing my plans.
It might be nice if you could go through our boss when you want to take off instead of your friend in HR.....
guru

--------------------
Too much of this navel gazing and we'll disappear up our own arses.
Danvers Carew

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DawnStorm
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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Dear Neighbor:
Rest in peace; you had a good life. I'll look after your clematis.

--------------------
Leashes?! We don't need no stinking leashes!!

Posts: 4771 | From: The Berkeley of the East Coast: Montgomery County MD | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
BeowulfGirl
Happy Holly Days


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Dear Christie:

quote:
Dear Snarky Bitch at TWOP,
Ok we get it you are the snarkiest one of all.

Oh my freakin' God. I think I know exactly who you're talking about. There are many, many of us on TWOP that agree; you are not alone!

Go here: http://twopsucks.12.forumer.com/index.php

--Your friend in television


Dear Snopesters,

For those of you who have been following the bizarre story of the horse-people, I've updated my blog with the last installment!

--------------------
Please visit my blog and leave a comment! It's all pretty and pink and quite funny. Go here: http://beowulfgirl.blogspot.com/

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YeeMum
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Dear BeowulfGirl, Thanks for the update!

--------------------
Contact me for discounts
Charter member WNDMDC
"I am putting you on hold now.Listen to the elevator music and LIKE it."~My 'J'

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dfresh
Deck the Malls


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quote:
Originally posted by BeowulfGirl:
Dear Snopesters,

For those of you who have been following the bizarre story of the horse-people, I've updated my blog with the last installment! [/QB]

Thank you for the hilarity, and the strange feeling of..um...slight fear I get from it.
You are a braver soul than I for going to the convention.

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Gibbie
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


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Dear BeowulfGirl,
Thank you!! I hve such a love-hate for TWoP. Now I have a place to go! I thought I was the only one. [Smile]

Gibbie

--------------------
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

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guruwan2b
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Too funny! I mean furry..... er....

Reminds me of a CSI episode....

--------------------
Too much of this navel gazing and we'll disappear up our own arses.
Danvers Carew

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Syllavus
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


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Thank you BeowulfGirl, I've been dying to know what happens next. [lol]

--------------------
"That would be really dangerous, you know. Indiscriminately extricating someone from the petrified corpse of a supernatural creature." - My Husband

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frogpond
Jingle Sales


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BeowulfGirl, you really are brave! I'd be in Canada by now and running still!

--------------------
So many books, so little time.

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Green Eggs and Spam
Deck the Malls


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Dear D,

I was happy when you contacted me a couple of years ago through classmates.com. It was nice to catch up after almost 30 years. But just because we were pals in high school doesn't mean we're going to be "best friends" now, especially when you're in another state (thank God!). I don't need to be yakking with you on the phone for long periods of time just because you have "free" long distance. (I'm so glad I have Caller ID!) I especially don't need all the forwarded emails. I don't read them anyway. Please go away.

C.

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Jocko's Jolly
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Ms. K,

Let me know whenever you want to come on by. We can do a Homicide tour! The building that they used for their departmental is built on a dock down in Fells Point. Very cool building. They're fixing it up now, I think -- last I heard, offices and a banquet sort of place -- how cool would that be for a party?!!

--------------------
Like every good third-in-a-series it contains a whole load of ewoks, ‘Clubber’ Lang, whey-faced Sophia Coppola, Sean Connery as the Pirate Captain’s estranged dad, a crappy CGI alien, and Richard Pryor on a donkey. -- Gideon Defoe

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The Year Without A SeaPea
Deck the Malls


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Dear BeowulfGirl,
Your blog made me almost choke on an orange section. I believe it was right around the "rubber doe suit" part...
I totally would have gone with you!

Love,
SeaPea

--------------------
you can't fight biology...

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Jay Temple
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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Dear archaic browser on my computer at work:

Would it be too much to ask that at least a majority of the articles that snopes and Google link to actually come up instead producing a "not responding" status (No NFBSK, Sherlock! I hadn't figured that one out!) or taking me completely off the 'net because of some "illegal operation"?

--------------------
"Well, it looks we're on our own ... again."--Rev. Lovejoy

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vanilla
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Dear clients,

Believe it or not, there is NO such thing as an accounting emergency!

You would be surprised at how much quicker and nicer we can be if you call us when you get the 15th letter from the IRS or before you complete loan applications. Waiting until the last possible minute to call your accountant before you have to turn something in does not make you an important client - it makes you a boil on my ass that I want to shoot.

Because you have an emergency does not automatically make it my emergency. Especially when you are an NFBSK asking for our help to cover your NFBSK.

vanilla

P.S. To anyone following the client saga as it has unfolded in this thread, that particular client upped his daily phone count from one a day to three a day after the partner in charge left for a two week vacation. When the partner returned, the bank called him and hinted that due to the state of the client's in-house financials and prior year tax returns, they may not be offering the client the loan. Needless to say, all phone calls from the client ceased after that. Ahhh...Freedom! [Smile]

--------------------
I swear, it was funnier in my head.
Yeah, I used to be pink. vanilla_pink.

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24K_ Kate
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Dear client,
Sorry, we were overbooked this afternoon. If you had an emergency, sure, we probably could have fit you in, but in no way, shape or form does giving your dogs their overdue Rabies vaccines so you could “take another dog home from the SPCA today” constitute an emergency. If you had shown up for your last appointment to get the dogs said vax, you wouldn’t be in that situation, now would you?

Curtly,
The Veterinary assistant that was unlucky enough to answer the phone and find you on the other end.

--------------------
<---Callisto

I have a 60 second snack idea for Rachel (Ray): Xanax, vodka, fall asleep.--Adrianne Frost, Best Week Ever.

Posts: 2374 | From: Naw-fik, VA y'all | Registered: Nov 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Avu
I Saw Three Shipments


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Dear Forest Fire and Resulting Smoke,

Stop it. Just stop it. You've proved your point. Now you had better be extinguished or at least far away from the highway when I have to drive south in a few days. In the meantime, could you send your smoke some other direction? Fairbanks did nothing to deserve this.


Dear City of Nenana,

Boy are you lucky that you're surrounded on three sides by rivers!


Dear Idiot Who Started a 65,000 Acre Fire by Dumping Hot Burn Barrel Ashes in the Woods,

You're going to want to move out of state.

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have yourself a Merry Little Galaxy
The First USA Noel


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Dear Hubby's insomnia,

Piss off and let the poor bugger get some sleep. You're making both of us miserable.

LG

--------------------
I love a sunburnt country, a land of sweeping plains - that's why I live in Melbourne, where it always bloody rains.

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KnightLife
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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"Dear" Rooster Teeth Productions:

WHAT is up with Caboose?! He was funny when he was clueless, but you've turned him into a moron. That doesn't make him funny, he's just... moronic. (Although, yes, the description of the room with walls and ceilings [that second plural isn't a typo] was good.)

And. Give. Me. Back. Sub-titles. Season One rocked with that. What happened with the other seasons? [Frown]

Knight -No, I'm not a gay robot- Life

--------------------
HU-man : (n.) a labor-saving device popular with cats.

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Barbara
Layaway in a Manger


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Dear Lewis and/or Byron,

I realize that as the new rats in Casa Snopes, a home inhabited by five perfectly sane cats and two somewhat eccentric humans, you are feeling the need to make your mark. However, said mark needn't have been made via chewing holes in my living room curtains, one of you having pulled the ends of said curtains into your hutch so as to properly have at them.

It is hard enough trying to pass for normal in this world without having to explain why my drapes have odd holes in the ends of them.

Barbara "rodentially sampled" Mikkelson

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Canuckistan
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Dear Bar:

If you're going to have 100 people over for a World Cup match, can you at least sure you have more than three people working the entire place?!? Waiting 30 minutes for a drink is simply unacceptable.

Canuck

--------------------
People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

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Rhea
We Three Blings


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Dear mother -

I. Am. Not. A. Monster.

Yes, I'm overweight, but I'm not morbidly obese. I can still buy my clothes in regular stores, I'm as healthy as a horse and I can easily outswim you even though you've been practising and I have not. The boyfriend thinks I look fine.

You act as if I was the fattest person in all of Scandinavia and as if it was an embarassment to go out in public with me. Telling me that "I'm not letting you back to that college until you lose weight" is way out of line. First of all, my weight has nothing to do with my academic performance. Second, compared to a lot of other students at that college, I'm a stick. And guess what, nobody believes they can't be good students or have a character flaw because they're overweight.

(By the way, talking about character flaw; I'm not an antisocial nutcase either. I wasn't born "all screwed up". It's called a mental disorder and it's treatable. If you hadn't managed to NFBSK up my health insurance I could get it treated and I could also ask why I'm not losing weight.)

It's true, the first thing people notice about me is my weight. But a lot of them are able to see beyond that and figure out that there's more to ne than several spare kilos of fat. And I don't need people who can't see beyond that, thank you very much.

I think it's sad that when you see me all you see "that embarrassing extra baggage". But by now I know I'm more than that.

- your daughter

PS: The reason I'm not listening to your dieting advice is the following. I was eleven and a stocky girl, by no means overweight, or even chubby. I just didn't have that certain elfin body frame that you admire so much. You told me I had to lose weight and the best way to do that was to eat as little as possible. I ate nothing at all for three days, I didn't even drink anything because that would've added weight and you told me to go on the scale twice a day to track my progress.
You encouraged an eleven-year-old girl to starve herself. I got the eating disorder after that.

So, no, you are not the one I go to when I need health advice.
-----
Dear SO -

well, you succeeded. I now understand the offside rule and the penalty system. Wednesday we're watching football again, then I can test what I know now.

- she who starts to slowly understand football (this is a very frightening thought)

Posts: 1201 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Noemi
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Dear L & D:

I love you guys dearly, but I'm really getting frustrated with discussing things with you guys. L you always come up with an incorrect statement that can't be supported in any way, and D, you just nod and support L without thinking about it. I've reached my limit on how much of this I can tolerate. Yes, I can tell from your response that you weren't happy I sent you an email correcting you on what you had said about when Buddhism was founded, but I'm not going to let this stuff lie anymore.

L, you've said many times that you don't want your students and apprenticies to blindly agree with you on everything, I'm waiting to see if you really meant that.

N

--------------------
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
My blog, no guarantees about witty or intelligent content. My current projects.
Coveted Beads <---- our eBay store, new items being added somewhat regularly

Posts: 8418 | From: Wyoming | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Casey, making hot chocolate
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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Dear Rhee,

American rules, or Euro soccer?

C

Dear Dr. S at OU,

I think I have all you want for an invite. Tomorrow, will you please confirm it?

C

--------------------
"To be or not to be! That is the question! Now, will you answer, dare, double dare, or take the Physical Challenge?" --Mark Summers as Hamlet
Countdown: 177 days and counting... or less. My blog. 14 keyboards owed.

Posts: 5584 | From: Ohio | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Pork Chop
Anchovy of a 1000 Days


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A,
You are the biggest.NFBSK.Ever. Seriously, I don't even know what I did to you. It was an inside joke. You weren't supposed to get it. L was. Listening in and then screaming about how I have mental problems and I should go take my pills is probably the biggest act of asshattery I've ever seen. You know, it really doesn't help that you insult me daily and then add in a "just kidding". That DOESN'T make it ok! I wasn't associated with you then, and I want to be associated with you even less, now. Just get away from me.
Angrily,
that person with "mental problems"

--------------------
Have you heard the Word?
Praise Hircine!

Posts: 283 | From: Ohio | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Minstrel gone caroling
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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Dear Rhee,

If I could send your mother a smack upside the head from across the sea, I would! Been there and heard that, dear. *hugs*

Minstrel

--------------------
Last year's goat was burned down by vandals dressed up as Santa Claus and the Gingerbread Man. They were never caught.
My blog. The Adventures of the Fish O'Thwacking.
Countdown: 177 days (or less!)

Posts: 4926 | From: NW Ohio | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Mickey is a Hanukkah Bush
O Come Let Us Adore Sales


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Dear Tramp,
Why is it, that when there's a movie on that you think we should watch together (while chatting online), you bug me to watch it with you, but when I want to watch a movie that's on, and there's a baseball game or a basketball game on, that you have to watch the game?
It's just a movie. You can find the score for the game online. A simple movie. I miss watching movies with you. Doing it online, on different TVs, is the only way we can do it over the summer. *sighs* Just one movie? Please?

Love,
Pidge

--------------------
My mom, about my nervousness with Jeopardy!: "Don't worry about it. Just get drunk and you'll do fine."
Blog Just call me Mickey 2

Posts: 3295 | From: Radford, VA/Herndon, VA/Orlando, FL | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Phil'sGirl
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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Dear Phil,

Oh, NFBSK. You hit the hospitality tent and a tree on 18? [Eek!]

I tell you, if I hadn't seen it, I would not have believed it.

Sorry,

Phil'sGirl

_______

Dear Canuckistan,
No one in my house watches the World Cup, so you would have full run of the bar. [Smile]

Phil'sGirl

--------------------
"Nobody ever looks like McCarthy, sir. That's how they get in the door in the first place" Toby on The West Wing

Posts: 816 | From: Washington State | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
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