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» Hello snopes.com » SLC Central » Rantidote » Letters You Wish You Could Send - June 2006 (Page 4)

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Author Topic: Letters You Wish You Could Send - June 2006
Zabia
Deck the Malls


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Dear Self,
36 days, 4300 miles, 85 hours of drive time. It was heaven. You learned a few lessons but you did your road trip. Better than 6 months of therapy. Now don't be stupid and go back to what you were before. And besides, you hair is now pink. Never thought that I would actually do it, and love it. Run with it.

Dear hunny,
You rock. Tis all.
Love,
Za

--------------------
We frettered around like farm animals, looking around for formulas and father figures. -Twilight Zone

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Tantei Kijo
The First USA Noel


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Dear Cat,

I could kill you* if I hadn't spent so much effort getting you in tonight. Especially shame on you for running out of the garage while we were occupied trying to get our other cat out of the garage. (long story involving birds). It was a bad night for black cats to be out, too.

-your muddy, grass-stained, besplintered and scraped servant.


*Ok, there isn't anything I could kill, especially not you.

--------------------
Bender: Though you may have to make a metaphorical "deal with the devil". And by "devil", I mean the robot devil, and by "metaphorically" I mean get your coat. ------------ My sad site: A new way to be bored.

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ChildofMusic
Deck the Malls


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Dear Self,
When I'm worried about something, why must you insist that the less sleep I get, the better? Honestly, I think we would both be much happier if I actually got *more* sleep when I'm stressed...can we try it? Please? I'm tired of being up at 2:00 am with no sleep in sight.

The Mind

--

Dear Powers-That-Be,
I don't want to be cut from "Beauty and the Beast" just because I had a horrible audition, probably my worst. If you look at my resume, you can see that I am actually a pretty decent singer. Please please please don't cut me??

Nicole I-Don't-Care-If-I'm-Begging H.

--

Tinkie the cat,
Quit meowing at the top of your lungs as you hop straight onto my belly button. I just got it pierced not long ago, it's still tender.

Your Female Human

PS- When did you start being even slightly affectionate, anyway? You used to hate me to the point of biting me. What's up?

--------------------
- ChildofMusic

"Music is one of the fairest and most glorious gifts of God." -Martin Luther

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Bored and Dangerous
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Dear intestinal system:

I really could have done without the fireworks tonight. I was looking forward to a good night's sleep, but instead, I got cramps so bad I cried, followed by an hour on the toilet. Now I'm laying on the couch, watching bad TV, drinking water to rehydrate. Not cool. Sooo not cool. Let's try not to do this again anytime soon.

Sincerely,
Your beleagured owner

Dear SO:
I know you're tired when you come in the door at night after seeing your daughter, but a "Hello, how are you," stopping to listen, and a hug before you go back to your computer would be nice and much appreciated. I know you love me, but sometimes I have to prod you to get a clue. Also, I know you really, really want to get your SG-1 costume done, and I really want you to get it done, but could you *please* talk about something else sometimes? I understand your enthusiasm, but I like other things, too.

Love,
C

--------------------
My blog

Watch?? I'm gonna pray, man! Know any good religions?--Zaphod Beeblebrox

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NocturnalGoddess- naughty or nice?
Carol of the Dells


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Dear Fate,

I know you love your irony, but, really, today's "Calling out of work at a bra store due to pain caused by big boobs" was not cool.

-Me

_____________________________________

"Teh Boy"'s Mom,

Ok, you were nice enough to let me come over, due to being en route to your house, even though you said the two of you were busy and couldn't have me over, and I'm really, really sorry I accidently turned it into a 3 hour nap. Thanks for being ok with it! ^^;;;

-"Sleeping Beauty"

--------------------
"I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, godless, EVIL stuff... and I want in."- Homer Simpson

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IlGreven, Swan a-Swimmin'
Grandma Got Run Over by a Rain Check


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Dear bugs:

Yes. I know I sweat. However, I also know my eyes don't sweat. So please stay away from them.

And if you could move to a good swatting place and not move, that'd be okay too.

--------------------
A gigantic force on the 'Net, and even BIGGER in person.

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Barbara
Layaway in a Manger


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quote:
Originally posted by BeowulfGirl:
Dear BeowulfDad,

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when BeowulfMom told me you had fallen out of a tree. Dude, you're 75 years old...what the hell were you doing up there with a chainsaw?

Dear BeowulfGirl:

My uncle (no blood relation, more's the pity - in a moment of insanity he married into the family) fell out of a tree doing something similarly stupid when he was in his 90s. The ER nurse's comment upon seeing him being brought in was, "What, did he flip the skidoo again?"

We can only hope we'll be a lot smarter and less stubborn than the current crop of oldsters when we get to be their ages.

Oh, and the frozen peas? I suspect one of your cow orkers was icing an injury, then put down the bag and forgot about it. Bags of frozen peas are one of those "injured athletes" things.

Barbara "some things take the cake, others ice it" Mikkelson

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Don Enrico
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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quote:
Originally posted by BeowulfGirl:
Dear BeowulfDad,

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when BeowulfMom told me you had fallen out of a tree. Dude, you're 75 years old...what the hell were you doing up there with a chainsaw?

Maybe he was trying for some Rock Music fame?

quote:
Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards , 62, was flown to New Zealand after reportedly falling out of a coconut tree. He was officially said to have suffered "mild concussion".
[Wink]

Don "hope he's okay - BeowulfDad, not Richards" Enrico

--------------------
My spelling is Wobbly. It's good spelling, but it Wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong places. - Pooh Bear

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ringotaku
I Saw Three Shipments


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Dear Self,
Get it together. Having to take this class over benefits NO ONE. You can squeak by and grab that C. Think of the decent paying job you don't hate that's waiting for you.

Dear Precious Kitty,
Shut the Frell up. Seriously you don't need food/water/litter box change. You don't want loving or else you would not run away when I try to pet you. Quit crying.

--------------------
Just when you think you have all the answers, I change the questions.

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CherryQueen
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Dear Throat, Glands, and bronchii,
WTF? Yesterday it was just a little post-nasal drip, today my throat is bright red, my glands are swelled up hugely, I'm coughing my head off and my chest is killing me. How do you go from "meh" to "ridiculously bad" in less than 24 hours? I strongly suggest you die with Nyquil and Dayquil.

CQ

--------------------
"Hilariously, he pronounces "Sauron" as "Sore-on", which sounds like something you apply directly to facial herpes."--theagonybooth.com

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Lainie
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by Barbara:
We can only hope we'll be a lot smarter and less stubborn than the current crop of oldsters when we get to be their ages.

Dear 85YO Lainie:

Your daughter is trying to help you. Let her. I know better than anyone how stubborn and independent you are, but you need to moderate those traits. Remember what a pain Mom could be? Let the people who love you help you..

love,

44YO Lainie

--------------------
How homophobic do you have to be to have penguin gaydar? - Lewis Black

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Lydia Oh Lydia
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Dear Cat:

We have a nice new (to us) house with more room. Why, oh why, do you insist on hiding out in the part of the basement that is dark and has a dirt floor? Wouldn't your beds, the carpet, the couch, or anything be better than dirt? In the meantime, could you please start eating? You've been in the new place since late Saturday night and I've seen you eat about two bites of food.


****
Dear Other Cat:

Yes, the new house has high ceilings and everything reverberates much more than it did in the old house. I think you're meowing just to hear the new sounds. Please stop. You meowed enough before!

--------------------
"My name is the symbol for my identity and must not be lost." Motto of the Lucy Stone League.

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tribrats
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Dear rain,

You suck.
------------
Dear mosquitoes,

You suck- and I don't want you to.
------------
Dear vacuum cleaner,

You don't suck and I want you too.

--------------------
Snopes is moving! Here's snopes' announcement.
Come here to re-register!

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Wild.Otaku
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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quote:
Originally posted by Lydia Oh Lydia:
Dear Cat:

We have a nice new (to us) house with more room. Why, oh why, do you insist on hiding out in the part of the basement that is dark and has a dirt floor? Wouldn't your beds, the carpet, the couch, or anything be better than dirt? In the meantime, could you please start eating? You've been in the new place since late Saturday night and I've seen you eat about two bites of food.


****
Dear Other Cat:

Yes, the new house has high ceilings and everything reverberates much more than it did in the old house. I think you're meowing just to hear the new sounds. Please stop. You meowed enough before!

As I've experienced before, your former kitty will eat when she is hungry enough. Chances are, she's sneaking bites while you're not looking. I know that I'll go through that when Neko is moved to her new home. Of course, she'll be pampered beforehand at a friend's kennel. Hee!

As for the latter kitty, lol! I can imagine that she's enjoying the sounds of hearing her voice echo above.

--------------------
Tom, we're flying a giant robot into space! "Safe" isn't the first word that springs to mind! - Colleen, Last Hope, Vol.2

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Four Kitties
Layaway in a Manger


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quote:
Originally posted by Lydia Oh Lydia:
Dear Cat:

We have a nice new (to us) house with more room. Why, oh why, do you insist on hiding out in the part of the basement that is dark and has a dirt floor? Wouldn't your beds, the carpet, the couch, or anything be better than dirt? In the meantime, could you please start eating? You've been in the new place since late Saturday night and I've seen you eat about two bites of food.

Dear slave:

I'm a territorial animal. You took me out of my nice, familiar, comfortable territory and dumped me in a strange place, with strange noises and smells. I'll come out when I'm darned good and ready. Besides, I'm coming up to eat and explore (cautiously) when you're asleep. Just give me some time, please.

Cat

--------------------
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

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Lydia Oh Lydia
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Dear Cat (via Four Kitties):

I do understand that. I just have always viewed you as a princess kitty (think pink) and I think DH might be onto something when he says you're a goth kitty!!

--Your slave

--------------------
"My name is the symbol for my identity and must not be lost." Motto of the Lucy Stone League.

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Four Kitties
Layaway in a Manger


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Dear slave:

We're both -- we're cats, for goodness' sake! Adorable goth princess bloodthirsty opera-singing hunters, actually, singly and in random combination. Depends on the mood.

--------------------
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

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FrogFeathers
Grandma Got Run Over By a Gift Card


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Dear Swelling,

Go away. And while you're on that trip, go to hell as well.

Signed,

Puffy yet poetic

--------------------
"Is it ME? Am I a MAGNET for these idiots?"~Pearl Forrester MST3K
Die-Hard Engineers, Big Red One my Dad's website
"Must be a 'snopes' thing..." ~my entire family when I try to explain something.

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Lydia Oh Lydia
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Dear Cat (again, via Four Kitties):

I never thought of you being all of those things at once! I suppose DH and I are *both* right. [Smile]

Much love,
your slave

--------------------
"My name is the symbol for my identity and must not be lost." Motto of the Lucy Stone League.

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TurquoiseGirl
The "Was on Sale" Song


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Dear Human of the Dog that Attacked the Boutros This Morning:

Well, now I know where he lives at least, since you called him by name. We have encountered him before in the park, where he has also attacked the Boutros and other dogs.

Other dog parents have told me he's mean.

So why in the name of all that is holy was he in your yard with no leash this morning.

Thankfully you called him off before he did much more than pounce and growl or there would have been a foot, mine, applied.

Also don't you think, under the circumstances, an apology and, perhaps even an inquiry into the well being of the Boutros would have been in order.

You realize that I now have your address. If this sort of thing happens again, either in the park or while we are walking in the neighborhood, animal control will be called.

Avoiding your street in the future,

The Boutros' Mommy
*****

Dear Boutros,

You were very brave this morning. I know the other dog took you totally by surprise. Good for you for barking at him!

I am sorry you had to go through that, but am very glad you were not hurt.

I only hope that this does not negate the wonderful strides you have been making on sitting when meeting a new dog.

Love,
Mommy

--------------------
There are people who drive really nice cars who feel that [those] cars won't be as special if other people drive them too. Where I come from, we call those people "selfish self-satisfied gits." -Chloe

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Lydia Oh Lydia
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Dear TGirl,

I wouldn't wait for it to happen again. I would call whichever agency you need to (animal control?) and report the incident. And, from what I have heard, it's a very bad idea to try to break up a dog fight.

Poor Boutros!

--Lydia

--------------------
"My name is the symbol for my identity and must not be lost." Motto of the Lucy Stone League.

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vanilla
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Dear client,

Leave me the NFBSK ALONE! The partner in charge is on vacation, we got you what you wanted before he left, so it is now time for you to GO. THE. NFBSK. AWAY.

I can not issue official financial statements without the partner here. Besides, I really doubt he will issue them anyway, seeing how many times you changed your numbers. The prior year and the two years prior to that! And, it seems you are still changing 2004's numbers! AAAAAGGGGHHHH! STOP IT!!!!!!

Uping your daily call count from one to three calls a day while the partner is not here is really getting on my nerves. I can not help you. I do not want to help you. I know you are reviewing your final numbers from us and are trying your damnest to make them look better for the SBA loan people, but, face it - trying to screw the IRS makes your company look very, very badly to loan officers. And, no, I will not help you try to make them look better for the loan guys by helping you change your numbers. Again.

Just...just GO AWAY DAMMIT!

Signed,
The accountant with a calendar on her desk tracking the number of phone calls from you idiots so when the partner returns from Jamaica he will know why her head exploded. Lucky Bastard.

--------------------
I swear, it was funnier in my head.
Yeah, I used to be pink. vanilla_pink.

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NocturnalGoddess- naughty or nice?
Carol of the Dells


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Dear backpain,

*flips the bird*

-me

--------------------
"I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, godless, EVIL stuff... and I want in."- Homer Simpson

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TurquoiseGirl
The "Was on Sale" Song


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Dear Lydia,
Thanks. It had not progressed quite to an actual fight.

Here's what happened. We were walking down the street. This dog approached the Boutros, who, according to what he is learning, stayed fairly close to me. He did wag his tail and put his ears up and smile, which is how he greats new dogs.

The started sniffing when suddenly the other dog started snarling and was trying to get into position to hump the Boutros, who then turned around and started to bark. At that point I yelled "Hey!" and the owner called him away.

I tried to get between them instinctively.

I may have to report this one. It's not like it hasn't happened before. At least there will be a report on file if it happens again.

Thanks!
TGirl

--------------------
There are people who drive really nice cars who feel that [those] cars won't be as special if other people drive them too. Where I come from, we call those people "selfish self-satisfied gits." -Chloe

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Seaboe Muffinchucker
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by Nocturnal Goddess: In the Honey:
Dear backpain,

*flips the bird*

-me

Dear NG:

Breast. Reduction. Surgery.

Seaboe

--------------------
Education is not the filling of a hard drive, but the lighting of a bulb. -- Yeats via Esprise Me

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I'm 20th Century Fox
Happy Holly Days


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Dear NG,

No real breathing difficulty (although if I TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI mildly TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI lift them in my hands so the weight is off my chest, I CAN draw a deeper breath.

I'm Anya

--------------------
When my chin is on the ground I pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again.

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NocturnalGoddess- naughty or nice?
Carol of the Dells


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quote:
Originally posted by I'm Anya:
Dear NG,

No real breathing difficulty (although if I TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI mildly TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI lift them in my hands so the weight is off my chest, I CAN draw a deeper breath.

I'm Anya

Dear Anya,

I was getting my bf to do that yesterday. He suddenly put them down, and I was like "Why did you stop?" and he was like "They're kinda heavy"... [Roll Eyes]

-me

___________

Dear Seaboe,

After talking to my doctor a few months ago, he said that he couldn't find anything wrong with me, so he recommended sports therapy. Apparently, for insurance, surgery needs to me a last resort. [flame]

-me

--------------------
"I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, godless, EVIL stuff... and I want in."- Homer Simpson

Posts: 2161 | From: Delaware | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Seaboe Muffinchucker
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by Nocturnal Goddess: In the Honey:
Apparently, for insurance, surgery needs to me a last resort. [flame]

-me

How asinine. You have to do permanent damage to your back first? The flame is well deserved.

Seaboe

ETA: Have you looked into finding another doctor? Perhaps a woman who might understand the problem?

--------------------
Education is not the filling of a hard drive, but the lighting of a bulb. -- Yeats via Esprise Me

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CherryQueen
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Doesn't matter. A lot of insurance companies regard it as a cosmetic procedure, even if your back is NFBSKed up from carrying the damn things around.

Sooooo with you here.
-------------------------------------------------

Dear God,
Thank you for creating the man who invented Entex.

CQ

--------------------
"Hilariously, he pronounces "Sauron" as "Sore-on", which sounds like something you apply directly to facial herpes."--theagonybooth.com

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Zorro
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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Dear NG,

My coworker's 18-year-old daughter was going to a chiropracter because of back problems relating to her breast size. After a few months, the chiropracter wrote a very detailed letter to the insurance company, and they paid for the girl's breast reduction surgery. Maybe if you get letters from every doctor you've seen about this?

Zor "I'm sure you'd already thought of this, but I'm just sayin' " ro

--------------------
"Seize the day! Make your lives extraordinary!"
-John Keating, "Dead Poets Society"

Posts: 2861 | From: New Jersey | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
ange84
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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Dear scholarship people,
It's now Thursday and nothing, it's now late in the week and a whole week since my interview. PLease put me out of my misery already. I emailled you today because i didn't know who to call, so please reply and let me know. This is driving me insane and theres not much time left before training starts.
The very antsy job applicant.

--------------------
Love is a sudden revelation: a kiss is always a discovery

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Wild.Otaku
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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Dear Puffy AmiYumi,

Please please please come to St. Louis or someplace close by soon. Chicago is nice, but we'd love you closer.

Thank you.

~~~~~~~~~

Dear Sprint and Fred-rin,

Thank you thank you thank you for putting Megatokyo screensavers up for download. Now Erika and Kimiko grace my screen. And of course SO has a reason for wanting to open my phone now. I know he secretly has a crush on them. hehe.

Arigatou!

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Tom, we're flying a giant robot into space! "Safe" isn't the first word that springs to mind! - Colleen, Last Hope, Vol.2

Posts: 2710 | From: Meet me in St. Louis | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Casey, making hot chocolate
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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Dear Volunteer Coordinator,

This is going to rock. I can feel it. [Smile]

C

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"To be or not to be! That is the question! Now, will you answer, dare, double dare, or take the Physical Challenge?" --Mark Summers as Hamlet
Countdown: 177 days and counting... or less. My blog. 14 keyboards owed.

Posts: 5584 | From: Ohio | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
FrogFeathers
Grandma Got Run Over By a Gift Card


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Dear ER Doctor from Last Week,

See, I went to the VA because all of my medical history is a click away. I went to you because until now, you all have been able to help. I was glad when you said it wasn't serious, that it was just "a bursitis with some tendonitis." When you told me to take 800 mgs of Ibuprofen three times a day, I asked, "Is this going to interfere with [listed the four daily medicines I take to stay alive]." You clicked my file on your computer, asked what I took [this one] for and [that one] for (etc). So, you knew I have trouble with edema. You knew I took a daily water pill to help counteract the swelling. I saw the computer screen- it had my entire history on that one page, complete with medications/allergies/current health issues.

So, you said, "If it doesn't get any better in three weeks, come in and we'll give it a shot of cortisone." I asked, "Can't we do that now? I mean, I'm here." (I drive sixty miles to get there, its not like I can be there at the drop of a hat.)

I took 800 mgs of Ibuprofen three times a day as you said. I'm a good patient, I do what the doctor tells me to. And starting Monday, my legs were so swollen that my boot-cut jeans were tight around my calves. I've slept on my freakin' sofa for three days to help elevate for this swelling. It wasn't going away. And yesterday afternoon, after picking up my kids, I lost the feeling in my right foot.

My mom drove me to the hospital because we weren't sure why the hell I'd lost the feeling in my foot. The ER doctor I got this time walked in and asked "Why are you taking 800 mgs of Ibuprofen three times a day?" So, I recited exactly what you told me. She poked and prodded my severely swollen legs (which, btw, hurt like a m*****f*****!!!). She diagnosed the same thing you did and said, "I wonder why he didn't just give you the cortisone shot last week."

Well, I got that shot last night. They even did blood tests to check my kidney function because of the high dose of Ibuprofen I was on.

So, I have got to ask: what the f**k were you thinking giving a person with edema that much Ibuprofen knowing I would swell up when I took it? Now, I've got to suffer another few days as the swelling leaves my body. Did you know that when my calves are un-swelling it causes pain? Well, I still have to get up and do everything a mom has to do. My husband doesn't go UN-disabled when I'm not feeling well.

So, thanks for nothing. I know its a teaching hospital, but maybe you need to re-read the chapter on "Patient history" before you prescribe candy bars to a diabetic.

~Swollen and angry but with a better knee, no thanks to you

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"Is it ME? Am I a MAGNET for these idiots?"~Pearl Forrester MST3K
Die-Hard Engineers, Big Red One my Dad's website
"Must be a 'snopes' thing..." ~my entire family when I try to explain something.

Posts: 4524 | From: South of Madison, Wisconsin | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
ange84
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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Dear universe,
Whatever i did to annoy you surely i have paid it back, give me a break will you.
The girl who can't handle it much longer

Dear chiot,
Telling you tomorrow that once again i am a failure is not making me feel good. I know you have so much confidence in me and i fell like poo having to tell you i'm a failure again. Not a nice feeling. I think it may be time for me to give up on these stupid ideas like uni, a well paying job and a job i love(although i pretty nuch gave up on that 6 months ago when this all started)and just go and find some poorly paying job where we will just manage to get by and let my qualifications rot away to nothing,because thats all they will do sitting up on the wall in a pretty frame. Hope i haven't disappointed you, i know you'll still have confidence in me, wanna try and share that around because right now i have very little.
Loves you tons
Your failure, i mean ange

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Love is a sudden revelation: a kiss is always a discovery

Posts: 902 | From: Australia | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
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