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» Hello snopes.com » SLC Central » Rantidote » Letters You Wish You Could Send - June 2006 (Page 3)

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Author Topic: Letters You Wish You Could Send - June 2006
ladyknight
The First USA Noel


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Dear Car -- Why must you do this to me? Not even two months ago, I had my radiator replaced. Now it's apparently my entire brake system! I don't like not being able to drive you; I'm driving BF crazy with making him drive me around. I also don't have the money to keep doing this; I had to extend my credit limit to deal with this. Please be fixed soon and under budget!
Love,
Your Owner

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Triumphs cannot be given. They must be taken, and the worse the odds, and the fiercer the resistance, the greater the honor. -- A Civil Campaign, Lois McMaster Bujold

Posts: 638 | From: Minnesota | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Loyhargil
We Three Blings


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Dear folks who mean well,

Yeah, I know it's my birthday. I've got bigger things going on at the moment, though, so I really don't want to sit here and be the center of your attention.

Let me get some things done quietly, in peace, and wrap my mind around this partially scary, entirely wearing weekend, 'kay?

My office door is now closed. Thanks for your patience and understanding.

Not usually a birthday grinch,

Loyhargil

PS - Thanks for not pranking my office this year, though. Usually I love that, but thanks for dropping it this year with the rough travel weekend and Dad's really rough health weekend. Y'all do have some restraint, I love y'all, and I'm gonna miss you when I move.

--------------------
Bender: Oh cruel fate, to be thusly boned. Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee.

Posts: 1170 | From: Iowa | Registered: Aug 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Loyhargil
We Three Blings


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Oh, and I forgot -

Dear fine folks who make Doctor Who, and Dear Sci Fi Channel which broadcasts it in the States,

ROCKIN'!!!! Omigosh, the first part of the end Series 1's 2-part finale gives us a glimpse of nearly half a million Daleks on space ships outside of earth, getting ready to launch an invasion??? I'm in cheesey sci-fi heaven, I love you all!!!!!!!

She who received a foot-tall remote-controlled, flashing, talking Dalek for her birthday and has already chased the youngest cat with it,
Loyhargil

--------------------
Bender: Oh cruel fate, to be thusly boned. Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee.

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LizzyJingleBells
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Knee,

Don't you dare start acting up again. I thought we fixed this problem. I can't see the doctor for another month, so you'd better behave yourself. I am not going through this again. I can't. I hurts too much, damn you.

The Landlord

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Come on, come on, we were once upon a time in love
If the only prayer you say in your life is thank you, that would suffice. - Meister Eckhart My Blog

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snapdragonfly
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Dear grass,

You have the whole lawn - the ENTIRE WHOLE HUGE LAWN - to play in. So why do you keep going into my flower bed? You are not a flower. I put that brick border up there for a REASON. And if you would quit leaving the lawn and trying to get into the flower bed, maybe the WEEDS would quit trying to take over the lawn. It's like this: flowers in flower bed. Grass in the lawn. Weeds, not welcome anywhere.

Do you get that now or I do have to get the Roundup out?

Stupid grass.

I mean it -stay outta the flowers.
Snapdragonfly

--------------------
"Wolves, dragons and vampires, man. Draw the nut-bars like big ol' nut-bar magnets." ~evilrabbit

(snurched because one of my nutbar family members is all about wolves and another one is all about dragons...)(with apologies to surfcitydogdad)

Posts: 2397 | From: Texarkana, TX | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
I'm 20th Century Fox
Happy Holly Days


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Dear headaches,

Come on, I've been virtually migraine-free for almost 6 months. What's up with the past 3 days? And just when I started dating a really great guy? Give me a break! Oh, and doc, please approve my refill of Tramadol immediately.

Dear David,

I hope and pray your cancer check-up shows you 100% free of cancer. I've just started to get to know and like you and I want to keep you around for a looooonnnng time - you are so nice and sweet and I feel like we just may be meant for each other. Thanks for brightening my world!

I'm Anya

--------------------
When my chin is on the ground I pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again.

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TurquoiseGirl
The "Was on Sale" Song


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Dear Loyhargirl,

A quiet happy birthday from me.

TGirl
******

Dear customer service rep at Ancestry. Just allow my subscription to run out. I don't know how many different configurations you want to offer me, I still cannot afford it. If you had made me say that one more time I was going to cry. Believe me, no one feels worse about my reduced financial circumstances than do I.

Your former customer

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There are people who drive really nice cars who feel that [those] cars won't be as special if other people drive them too. Where I come from, we call those people "selfish self-satisfied gits." -Chloe

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guruwan2b
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Dear T-girl,
I also had a problem with Ancestory.com. I finally told them "At this time I don't have the time to devote to genealogy research. When I have more time, I will be back." That seemed to work.
guru

--------------------
Too much of this navel gazing and we'll disappear up our own arses.
Danvers Carew

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TurquoiseGirl
The "Was on Sale" Song


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Guru,
I didn't want to get into the whole thing about "you are adding new data daily to your new, additional database for which I would have to upgrade to use, but at least three of my subscriptions have had no new additional material in months."

I will keep checking back, and if they have new useful material I can subscribe for a month. Or wait for a 2 week free trial...

I think I am at the point in my research where ordering records from the LDS is more cost effective.

We should compare notes some day. Maybe we are cousins!

TG

--------------------
There are people who drive really nice cars who feel that [those] cars won't be as special if other people drive them too. Where I come from, we call those people "selfish self-satisfied gits." -Chloe

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jmcomeau
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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Dear T,

I hope you know what you're doing.

Dear Grandma,

I know who he is in you eyes, grandma, but it would have been nice to be introduced. M has moved on, so there is no chance of D and M getting back together, even if you won't introduce me to D's new man. It really doesn't matter how few of us know him.

Dear M and D ( a different M and D then the above),

The wedding was lovely, congratulations!

Jen

--------------------
Is it always this cold? Hell is so much warmer.

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Zorro
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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Dear TGirl,

If you ever need to use Ancestry again, let me know, as I will still have my subscription for a while yet and would be more than willing to look for stuff for you. [Smile]

Love,
A fellow Genealogy junkie


Dear bladder,

I so hope you have an infection that we can zap with antibiotics. If I have to put up with peeing every 45 minutes like clockwork for the next 18 weeks, not to mention the three times I had to get up last night between 10pm and 6am, I am going to be even less happy with the state of pregnancy than I am now. And that is saying something.

Zorro


Dear Zorrling,

Is it October yet? 'Cause I so want you out of there. Now. And if you don't start making things better, you'll be an only child and have no one to share the burden with when Daddy and I are old and need others to care for us.

Mommy

--------------------
"Seize the day! Make your lives extraordinary!"
-John Keating, "Dead Poets Society"

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Sue Bee
Happy Holly Days


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Dear Cow orker,

not every single one of your emails is important. Marking the red exclaimation point on every friggin' outgoing email is just plain annoying. Especially since the only person who considers them a priority is you. It's "the boy who cried wolf" every day. Please learn the real meaning of "important".

Signed,

the person who ignores your "important" emails.

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Starla
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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Dear Anyone Who Has My Email Addy,

The next person who sends me a fwd that assumes my religious/political/personal point of view to be in line with whatever crap it's filled with is going to get a computer monitor smashed into their skull. I don't even care if I generally agree with the sentiments in said email (although that's EXTREMELY rare).
And it's my old, gigantic, glass fronted computer monitor so the only person it'll hurt will be you. Badly.

You've Been Warned,
Starla

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This used to be the life, but I don't need another one.
MyBandwagon

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lavender blue
Jingle Bell Hock


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Dear Zorro the weather goddess-

Thank you so much for the cooler weather this weekend. I am a fan of thunderstorms so long as I am safely inside on the couch.

Devotional sacrifices of chocolate or teriyaki chicken wings will be supplied upon demand.

lb

Dear Zorrling-

Knock it off. You don't know yet what your mom is capable of. [Wink] And younger siblings are nice to blame things on.

eldest of two

--------------------
catagenesis [evol]-evolution leading to decadence and decreased vigor.

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Zorro
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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Dear Lavender,

Devotional sacrifices of strawberries are very in and much appreciated right now. [Wink] [Smile] I do apologize about the sporadic rain that will be occuring off and on the rest of the week, though- the Zorrling and the hormones are wreaking havoc with my skills. [Wink]

Zorro the goddess of weather

--------------------
"Seize the day! Make your lives extraordinary!"
-John Keating, "Dead Poets Society"

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Auntie Witch
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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Dear Parents of B(rat I kicked out of summer school today)-

Yeah. I put a lot of big words in that letter for a reason. Because there really is no nice way to say it. Ordinarily it's three strikes in summer school, but your kid got booted the first day. I don't care what his "medical condition" is. He did it on purpose. Twice. And I'm not dealing with it anymore. I don't get paid enough to, nor does anyone else that had to work with him/smell him/clean up with him.

Your boy's teacher
____________________
Dear Art teacher,

Sorry about the brown "paint" on your floor. I should have insisted he get kicked out the first time. [Frown]

AW
____________________

Dear heart,

Stop hurting. Tomorrow will be better. I promise. Besides, it's only two weeks. Then you can walk out of that building forever (or until things change for the better). Besides, you have to be strong for the Relay on Friday. Hang in there.

Me

--------------------
"Feel my head! I feel like a puppy!" -My mother
October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month!
Myspace about my mom, kids

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NocturnalGoddess- naughty or nice?
Carol of the Dells


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Dear Breasts,

Ok, look, seriously, I cant breathe right anymore. I can barely function at work. Please stop causing me back pain. It's bad enough that I have to pay a fortune to get you specialty sized bras. If teh boy didn't like you so much, I'd completely hate you.

-Your Owner

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"I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, godless, EVIL stuff... and I want in."- Homer Simpson

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Spamamander in a pear tree
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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Dear migraines-

I see that you have already visited I'm Anya and now the last few days you've seen fit to darken my doorstep. That first one, the one I got from caffiene withdrawl since my kid broke the coffee carafe and I was out of soda? A real winner. Two vicodins and I am still almost throwing up and literally whapping my forehead on the floor where I was curled down with my face over the AC vent to get the cold air. Real funny there oh migraine god. (It has to be a god, no female would inflict people like this.) I can only assume I am working up to one hell of a visit from Aunt Flo.

Go the NFBSK away! Now!

--------------------
"There is a race between mankind and the universe. Mankind is trying to build bigger, better, faster, and more foolproof machines. The universe is trying to build bigger, better, and faster fools. So far the universe is winning." -Albert Einstein

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24K_ Kate
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Dear self,
Today would be a good day to clean the kitchen, do all that laundry and go grocery shopping. So, why are you just sitting there? Youíve been up for 2 hours and havenít even gotten in the shower, let alone accomplished anything. Get offa your lazy butt and use your day off wisely.

Love,
Me

--------------------
<---Callisto

I have a 60 second snack idea for Rachel (Ray): Xanax, vodka, fall asleep.--Adrianne Frost, Best Week Ever.

Posts: 2374 | From: Naw-fik, VA y'all | Registered: Nov 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Loyhargil
We Three Blings


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Dear TurquoiseGirl,
Thanks! [Big Grin]

Dear ex,
I call bullshit. You most certainly do NOT have her best interest at heart, you have your own freaking reputation with your friends and family at heart. How bad did you badger that one poor woman to get the answer you wanted?

But ya know what? Civility is rapidly losing its place in this relationship. If you don't like the arrangement we're proposing, sue me. I'll impute income to you, go for all those thousands in back child support, get you in contempt of court for dropping her insurance, go after that $3000 you've owed me for years now, and trust me buddy, stuff WILL come out in the hearing, stuff I was too much of a pansy to put on the record in the first place (for which I'm kicking my own a$$ now), your erratic contact with your child, your other pending lawsuits, everything.

Including that one card I've been holding since I figured it out in the fall of 2004, the one that I couldn't give a $hit less about but apparently mortifies you and mortifies your family and friends. Oh I know about it, buddy, you stink at keeping secrets. You press me hard enough, I'll begrudgingly play that card. You'll think the fourth horseman of the Apocolypse has just ridden straight up your a$$ with a branding iron.

I don't want to sink to that level. But don't mess with this lioness's cub. I may seem docile right now, but I have sharp claws. And I'll do what I have to do to ensure that little girl's well being.

Loyhar *you don't want to push me, you really don't* gil


Dear Dad,
You're stubborn. That's good AND bad when you're in the hospital. Just get better already, okay? And if you have to do a couple of things you don't want to, to speed that along, please just suck it up and do it? Oh, and the things you've been saying to Mom have been so impossibly sweet, through all of this. You guys are quite the matched set. I love ya.
God bless,
Loy

Dear me,
That cry the other night felt damn good. With the last couple of days, you could use another. Schedule one for Wednesday night, after you get back from the hospital. You'll feel better.
Me

--------------------
Bender: Oh cruel fate, to be thusly boned. Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee.

Posts: 1170 | From: Iowa | Registered: Aug 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
BeowulfGirl
Happy Holly Days


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Dear guy who left a bag of frozen peas on my desk,

What the hell? What were you thinking? Is it a sign of something even weirder to come? Please reveal yourself.


Dear Snopesters,

Please visit my new blog. It's quite funny and done in this really nice pink. Leave a comment.

http://beowulfgirl.blogspot.com/


Dear drunk guy at the karaoke bar:

Please don't sing "Desperado" again. Somewhere, the Eagles are twitching.

--------------------
Please visit my blog and leave a comment! It's all pretty and pink and quite funny. Go here: http://beowulfgirl.blogspot.com/

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guruwan2b
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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BeowulfGirl,
I joined blogger just so I could comment. This is going to be interesting. Oh, and stay away from men named Steve. That should be in the Constitution....

guru

--------------------
Too much of this navel gazing and we'll disappear up our own arses.
Danvers Carew

Posts: 7465 | From: Oklahoma | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
BeowulfGirl
Happy Holly Days


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(thrilled) Thank you guruwan2b! I'm all excited about my blog...everyone go there and tell me what you think. I only hope I don't run out of interesting stories.

Another letter:

Dear BeowulfDad,

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when BeowulfMom told me you had fallen out of a tree. Dude, you're 75 years old...what the hell were you doing up there with a chainsaw? For God's sake, the block has a ton of teenagers who would have removed that branch. Honestly.

--------------------
Please visit my blog and leave a comment! It's all pretty and pink and quite funny. Go here: http://beowulfgirl.blogspot.com/

Posts: 1790 | From: New Jersey | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
guruwan2b
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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BeowulfGirl,
I'm serious about the "stay away from Steves" part. DH and my boss are both Steves.
Oh, the stories I could tell......
guru

--------------------
Too much of this navel gazing and we'll disappear up our own arses.
Danvers Carew

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BeowulfGirl
Happy Holly Days


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The truly frightening thing, guruwan2b, is that Steve is a member of a bizarre cult called D.A.R.P.A., which stands for "Dark Rubber Ponies of the Apocolypse." Apparently, Steve managed to find even more people who get their jollies by dressing up in latex horse suits.

--------------------
Please visit my blog and leave a comment! It's all pretty and pink and quite funny. Go here: http://beowulfgirl.blogspot.com/

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Mistletoey Chloe
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Yay, BeowulfGirl's back! We were afraid you'd been eaten by a dragon...

--------------------
~~Ai am in mai prrrrrraime!~~

Posts: 10111 | From: Oklahoma | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
guruwan2b
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Well, BeowulfGirl, it sounds like he was already halfway to being a horse.... the back half anyway.....

--------------------
Too much of this navel gazing and we'll disappear up our own arses.
Danvers Carew

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BeowulfGirl
Happy Holly Days


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quote:
Yay, BeowulfGirl's back! We were afraid you'd been eaten by a dragon...
I'm glad to be back! Now that the term's over, I'll be able to spend a lot more time here. I was somewhat distracted this semester because I had a delusional student who thought he was a Count (I wrote about him in my blog, too.) It was madness.

--------------------
Please visit my blog and leave a comment! It's all pretty and pink and quite funny. Go here: http://beowulfgirl.blogspot.com/

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I'm 20th Century Fox
Happy Holly Days


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Spamamander-

The pharmacy wouldn't fill my pain meds prescription saying the doctor wouldnt' approve it; I needed to see the doctor. So I have an appointment tomorrow morning. I should keep some "emergency" drugs on hand for situations like this. Nothing is helping and this is going on the 4th day. I hope yours get better soon!

I'm Anya

--------------------
When my chin is on the ground I pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again.

Posts: 1765 | From: Greensboro, NC | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
I'm 20th Century Fox
Happy Holly Days


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Dear Nocturnal Goddess,

I hear ya.

I'm "double d" Anya

--------------------
When my chin is on the ground I pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again.

Posts: 1765 | From: Greensboro, NC | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Loyhargil
We Three Blings


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Dear Self,

WOOT! You took the high road, you stayed calm, you laid out the facts, and you didn't have to hit him where it hurts! Awesome! I'm proud of you/me! He sounds like he might actually think about this and it might sink in!

See what happens when the facts are on your side, and you take the assertive yet high, calm road? You don't have to be bullied by him. Not anymore. And certainly not when it involves your child. Whew.

Love,
Me

PS - Get an attorney on retainer fast, just in case.

PPS - Take some Excedrin for that "stress finally released" headache

--------------------
Bender: Oh cruel fate, to be thusly boned. Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee.

Posts: 1170 | From: Iowa | Registered: Aug 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
ange84
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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Dear scholarship people,
Perhaps your idea of early in the week is different to mine, but it's now wednesday and if i haven't heard from you by today i am going to assume i don't have the job. Remember your timelines, if i do have it i have to be in Brisbane for training in five days, thats alot to organise. So please call and let me know one way or another. Right now i am going crazy and can feel the urge to cry constantly and lock myself away from the world creeping in.
The student who wants to know whats happening with her life.

Dear my wonderful bf
I love you so much. Thanks for having so much confidence in me even when i don't have it in myself. And thanks for putting up with me when i get really down about jobs.
Your ange

--------------------
Love is a sudden revelation: a kiss is always a discovery

Posts: 902 | From: Australia | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
LadyLockeout
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Dear Parents at the pool -

When you see someone doing laps, do NOT walk up and drop your nfbsk'ing precious bundle of joy in the lap lane! And do NOT glare at me when I tell them (politely through clenched teeth) that the nice lady is trying to do some excersizing, could they please go to the other side of the pool where there is plenty of space to play? Thank you...

Oh, and when one of them decides to jump into the lap lane, just about land on my head, and gets kicked because he's a stupid little brat? That's not my fault. I'm wearing goggles, I'm paying attention to where I'm going, not what's coming from above me. You know why? BECAUSE I SHOULDN'T NFBSK'ING HAVE TO, THAT'S WHY!!!!.

If this crap keeps up I will be complaining to the leasing office. I know where you live. Becoming verbally abusive to me because you can't watch your child is NOT the way to stay on my good side. The pool is huge. Take them to the space that is NOT already occupied. Thank you.

The tenant who was just trying to do some damned laps...

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Katesune: We still can't find the way to albuquerque, and glisp won't stop to ask for directions.
Glisp42: Of course not. I know where I'm going, I just don't know where I am right now

Twisted Links

Posts: 2599 | From: Texas | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Casey, making hot chocolate
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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Dear car,

$200 for a little bodywork? Fine. Routine stuff, just replacing some rustproofing. $40 for an oil change and filter? Okay.

$500 for new tires? WTF? I mean, sure, that set of Goodyear TripleTred Assurance R15s would feel good, but I can't afford the dry rot now. You're lucky M has decided to help me.

C

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"To be or not to be! That is the question! Now, will you answer, dare, double dare, or take the Physical Challenge?" --Mark Summers as Hamlet
Countdown: 177 days and counting... or less. My blog. 14 keyboards owed.

Posts: 5584 | From: Ohio | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
NocturnalGoddess- naughty or nice?
Carol of the Dells


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quote:
Originally posted by I'm Anya:
Dear Nocturnal Goddess,

I hear ya.

I'm "double d" Anya

I recently grew a cup size (measured), so at least now I understand why they hurt more than usual. I'd kill to be a DD, DDD, even.

Now, coming from my experiance: loosen your straps [Wink] Nearly all of the woman I have ever fitted had their straps adjusted too tight. That can really add to the pain.

Do you get the breathing difficulty too? [Frown]

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"I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, godless, EVIL stuff... and I want in."- Homer Simpson

Posts: 2161 | From: Delaware | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
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