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» Hello snopes.com » SLC Central » Rantidote » Letters You Wish You Could Send - June 2006 (Page 1)

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Author Topic: Letters You Wish You Could Send - June 2006
DawnStorm
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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Dear Nephew--
CONGRATULATIONS! YOU MADE IT!
I still can't believe that you graduate from high school today! I wish my father was here to see it. [Frown]
Hope you like the card and the gift Uncle Mark and I sent you.

signed, Aunt Dawn

--------------------
Leashes?! We don't need no stinking leashes!!

Posts: 4771 | From: The Berkeley of the East Coast: Montgomery County MD | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Magdalene
Happy Holly Days


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Dear Denver Metro Traffic;

I can understand an accident tying up traffic if it is still on the road. However, if said accident is off to the side of the road, then there is no excuse for the delays.

Magdalene
Late to work because of your rubbernecking

--------------------
"Don't mess with me. I dance with swords."

Posts: 1656 | From: Colorado | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
DawnStorm
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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Dear people on the C4 bus:
you didn't see the pregnant lady standing near the door? I was brought up to offer a seat to an older person, a handicapped person or an expectant mother so they can take a load off their feet. You people on the other hand. must've been raised in a barnyard. [dunce]
Dear woman I sat next to after the person got off (and after I offered the first empty seat across from you to the person mentioned above): Excuse me for kind of bumping into you as I sat down! I certainly didn't mean it; take it up with the Metro bus drivers whose starts and stops rival a drag racers. I've been knocked off my feet more than once when the bus has taken off; hell I've been on roller coasters that have had smoother stops/starts! You didn't have to give me the evil eye! You didn't hear my apology? [fish]

--------------------
Leashes?! We don't need no stinking leashes!!

Posts: 4771 | From: The Berkeley of the East Coast: Montgomery County MD | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
TurquoiseGirl
The "Was on Sale" Song


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Dear Bank Manager,

Thanks for being so helpful about my accounts that had to be changed due to my lost wallet. I especially appreciate the call this morning to check about the money transfer I made.

You rock so much!

I knew a local bank was a good choice.

Sincerely,
TGirl

Dear Self,

Please keep better track of your wallet next time.

Love,
Me

--------------------
There are people who drive really nice cars who feel that [those] cars won't be as special if other people drive them too. Where I come from, we call those people "selfish self-satisfied gits." -Chloe

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Minstrel gone caroling
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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Dear Food,

Why are you so freakin' expensive?

Signed,
Hungry Minstrel
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Body,

Can't you learn to live off something cheaper than food?

Your occupant

--------------------
Last year's goat was burned down by vandals dressed up as Santa Claus and the Gingerbread Man. They were never caught.
My blog. The Adventures of the Fish O'Thwacking.
Countdown: 177 days (or less!)

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lavender blue
Jingle Bell Hock


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Dear Zorro, weather goddess-

Thank you so much for dropping the humidity last night. I got a good, sound sleep for the first time this week. Please let spring stay a little longer before the dog days of summer arrive.

Your acolyte,
lb


Dear M-

I know you didn't mean to, but you've just made me feel horribly guilty about putting off the problem and trying to leave early today. I realize it's my neurosis, not yours, and that I'll still be here until 6 anyways (which is early for me), but you just said the wrong thing at the wrong time.

lb

--------------------
catagenesis [evol]-evolution leading to decadence and decreased vigor.

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monkey
Happy Holly Days


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Dear husband,
No, you do not need a $1,000 sound system for the car. Yes, I know it would sound "really sweet". No, you're not getting it.
-your wifey

Dear Andrew,
What the heck happened? All the time we were on vacation it was absolute hell trying to get you to go to bed or take naps. The first night we got home, I put you in your crib, you whimpered once, sighed, and lay down to sleep. I thought it was a fluke. You've done the same for every nap and bedtime since. Are you broken or something? Not that I'm complaining, but this is weird. I love you, baby boy.
-mommy

--------------------
http://sarahdwebber.wordpress.com/

Posts: 1490 | From: Arkansas | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Starla
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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Mommy,
I missed my bed.
Love,
Andrew

--------------------
This used to be the life, but I don't need another one.
MyBandwagon

Posts: 3254 | From: small town Texas | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
monkey
Happy Holly Days


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quote:
Originally posted by Starla:
Mommy,
I missed my bed.
Love,
Andrew

[Smile]

--------------------
http://sarahdwebber.wordpress.com/

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tribrats
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Dear birds,

We have done everything we have been told/read that would discourage you from nesting. So why are you? There was a box of stuff on the couch, you tried to use that and attacked anyone that came near. You tried to use the cubby on the kids' computer table. I blocked that. You tried to take over one of the kids jackets laying on the couch. I took that away. You win, I made you a nestbox and you stopped attacking the kids. Now PLEASE stop attacking the cats! It is sooo pathetic to see a 12 pound cat (Skitters) running to me to protect him from a little bird. Also, Alpine is 15 years old. She is the last cat to ever hurt you. TJ has a hard time being in the same room as you!

--------------------
Snopes is moving! Here's snopes' announcement.
Come here to re-register!

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Starla
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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Dear Mr S,
Don't lead me on. If you start talking about visiting your parents with the girls and letting me stay behind you better follow through with it. The whole idea combines 2 of my biggest fantasies (that aren't dirty) into one.
Please, please don't let this be mere idle talk!!
Love,
Starla

--------------------
This used to be the life, but I don't need another one.
MyBandwagon

Posts: 3254 | From: small town Texas | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
daisyslegs
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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Dear God and all that may have influance over the weather,

Please please please stop raining! I don't wanna ride 4 hours in the rain and then camp, I'd rather start camping dry. It's so much more comfortable...

Pretty please?


Dear snopesters at large,

please send weather vibes my way? Pretty please?


daisyslegs

--------------------
~tough as nails yet nice as pie~
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction - and sometimes a scar.
"and don't threaten anyone with your pants today!" - Frog_Feathers
daisys does Myspace

Posts: 3206 | From: Molalla, OR | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
CherryQueen
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Oliver,
WTF is up with the running in circles, crazy barking, and stamping of your feet? You're supposed to be CALMER now that you're an it.

Momma

--------------------
"Hilariously, he pronounces "Sauron" as "Sore-on", which sounds like something you apply directly to facial herpes."--theagonybooth.com

Posts: 2037 | From: Reston, VA | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Zorro
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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quote:
Originally posted by lavender blue:
Dear Zorro, weather goddess-

Thank you so much for dropping the humidity last night. I got a good, sound sleep for the first time this week. Please let spring stay a little longer before the dog days of summer arrive.

Your acolyte,
lb

Hey, I do my best. [Wink] Sorry about the thunderstorms rolling through right now, though. They should help to drop the temperature and humidity a little bit more for tomorrow. [Wink]

Zorro the weather goddess

--------------------
"Seize the day! Make your lives extraordinary!"
-John Keating, "Dead Poets Society"

Posts: 2861 | From: New Jersey | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
ange84
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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DEar panel of interviewers,
i hope you liked me yesterday even though i was tired and still a bit snuffly from my cold. I really did try my best so i hope it was good enough.
The interviewee.

DEar uni lecturers,
Please give me a pass in everything. This isn't my dream job or anything but i just want a damn full time job and be able to start living a real adult life. So let me pass everything, please i did my best on all my assignments within those terrible time contraints(about 8 weeks and 9 pieces of assessment).
The student who has spent the past 2 months stressed out of her mind.

--------------------
Love is a sudden revelation: a kiss is always a discovery

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YeeMum
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Dear Daisylegs,
I know you are already on the road but I am keeping the yard dry for you (so far).
R

--------------------
Contact me for discounts
Charter member WNDMDC
"I am putting you on hold now.Listen to the elevator music and LIKE it."~My 'J'

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Hubert Cumberdale
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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Dear Summer,

YOU SUCK! You're not even here and I already hate you.

Posts: 835 | From: Massachusetts | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Morgaine La Raq Star
The "Was on Sale" Song


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I can't believe I'm about to write this!!

quote:
Originally posted by Starla:
Dear Mr S,
Don't lead me on. If you start talking about visiting your parents with the girls and letting me stay behind you better follow through with it. The whole idea combines 2 of my biggest fantasies (that aren't dirty) into one.
Please, please don't let this be mere idle talk!!
Love,
Starla

Dear Starla:

May I suggest offering to fill one of *his* biggest fantasies in return?

Mor 'Yep, I did "go there"!' -gaine

--------------------
I cannot live without books-Thomas Jefferson *~* A child educated only at school is an uneducated child - George Santayana
I'm going to pummel you with such zeal, Buddha will explode! *~* Never miss a good chance to shut up - Will Rogers

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monkey
Happy Holly Days


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Morgaine, you just reminded me of Stewie from Family Guy. "That's right; I went there."

--------------------
http://sarahdwebber.wordpress.com/

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diehard
Deck the Malls


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Dear Dad,
I miss you so, it has been 71/2years since you passed on. I miss our time in the garden, shopping, singing and dancing and making mom laugh. I wish that we could have just another few hours together. I am glad that mom got to say goodbye as you always told us goodbyes were forever, you knew didn't you? I love you and miss you dearly. Your daughter Disey [Frown]

--------------------
Daddy "You are my "Special Angel" 1942-1999"

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Canuckistan
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by Hubert Cumberdale:
Dear Summer,

YOU SUCK! You're not even here and I already hate you.

Dear Hubert:

Have I ever told you how much I love summer? [Razz]

Seriously, don't let it get to you. There really isn't much else you can do.

Canuck

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People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

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Canuckistan
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Dear Buffalo Sabres:

YOU SUCK! Why, oh why, must ... shudder ... Carolina be in the Stanley Cup finals?!? That's just wrong on so many levels!

And why force a Game 7 if you're gonna come out and only play for five of the 60 minutes of the game?

Again, YOU SUCK!

Canuck

--------------------
People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

Posts: 8429 | From: New York run by the Swiss (Toronto) | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Joe Bentley
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Actually Canuck I think that was easily the best series of the playoffs. That was brutully even up until the very end.

--------------------
"Existence has no pattern save what we imagine after staring at it for too long." - Rorschach, The Watchmen

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Canuckistan
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by Joe Bentley:
Actually Canuck I think that was easily the best series of the playoffs. That was brutully even up until the very end.

Carolina's in the final. Obviously, something went drastically wrong in that series.

--------------------
People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

Posts: 8429 | From: New York run by the Swiss (Toronto) | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Ramblin' Dave, quietly making noise
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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quote:
Originally posted by Magdalene:
Dear Denver Metro Traffic;

I can understand an accident tying up traffic if it is still on the road. However, if said accident is off to the side of the road, then there is no excuse for the delays.

Magdalene
Late to work because of your rubbernecking

And while we're at it, Denver Metro Traffic, there wouldn't be so many accidents if you remembered that not quite everybody here has a car and you do still need to check for pedestrians and bicyclists before you pull out into the intersection. [Mad]

--------------------
Another lifetime I'd have fallen in love with you
Swept away by my feelings, ashamed and confused
But just now it's enough to be walking with you
Let the mystery play as it will! -Lui Collins

Posts: 2669 | From: Jouy en Josas, France | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Spamamander in a pear tree
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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Dear middle school choir director-

I understand this end of the year concert was supposed to be fun for the kids, and casual, and allow some of the kids to perform solos who had not over the course of the year. (My daughter was incredible on hers, but I'm not biased or anything.)

But glurge? A sixth grade girl warbling through "Concrete Angel" was a little more than my nerves could handle. I appreciate the sentiment of the girl who dedicated "God Bless America" to her brother in the Air Force, but it really was out of a seventh grader's vocal range.

The girls who performed "Bring Him Home" from Les Miz were incredible though, I have never heard such mature and well trained voices... and they only had two practices, they got the idea to perform the song after the field trip last week. Wow. That almost made up for making me sit through warbled glurge. Almost.

--------------------
"There is a race between mankind and the universe. Mankind is trying to build bigger, better, faster, and more foolproof machines. The universe is trying to build bigger, better, and faster fools. So far the universe is winning." -Albert Einstein

Posts: 1058 | From: Yakima, WA | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Noemi
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Dear world at large:

For the love of all that you hold dear, please figure out how to use quotation marks correctly. Putting them around a word or phrase does not provide emphasis, it actually indicates that this is not something anyone is ready to state as a fact. I'm pretty sure that isn't what you meant to indicate when you refer to your "work related accident" but I'm happy to go along with you if you'd like.

Me

--------------------
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
My blog, no guarantees about witty or intelligent content. My current projects.
Coveted Beads <---- our eBay store, new items being added somewhat regularly

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Don Enrico
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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quote:
Originally posted by Noemi:
Dear world at large:

For the love of all that you hold dear, please figure out how to use quotation marks correctly. Putting them around a word or phrase does not provide emphasis, it actually indicates that this is not something anyone is ready to state as a fact. I'm pretty sure that isn't what you meant to indicate when you refer to your "work related accident" but I'm happy to go along with you if you'd like.

Me

Dear Noemi,

if you ever come to Hamburg, I would love to share some ranting about this over a bowl of "fresh" mussels or a plate of "homemade" stew in one of the restaurants here.

"Don" Enrico

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My spelling is Wobbly. It's good spelling, but it Wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong places. - Pooh Bear

Posts: 2209 | From: Hamburg, Germany | Registered: Oct 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
24K_ Kate
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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"Dear" Noemi and "Don",

Check out this "link." I find the "content" quite amusing.

Sincerely,
"Kate"

--------------------
<---Callisto

I have a 60 second snack idea for Rachel (Ray): Xanax, vodka, fall asleep.--Adrianne Frost, Best Week Ever.

Posts: 2374 | From: Naw-fik, VA y'all | Registered: Nov 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
FrogFeathers
Grandma Got Run Over By a Gift Card


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Dear Powers of the Universe;

Guard me tomorrow at the slumber party. Now I know why my mother only had one full-blown slumber party in my life. Give me strength to get through those hours that I won't be able to get online and have intelligent conversations that aren't full of "OH MA GAWD!" and "like, you know".

Signed,
CJ's Mom


Dear girls coming to the party;
Remember how you're normally afraid of me? Good, keep remembering that. [Wink]

~CJ's Mom

--------------------
"Is it ME? Am I a MAGNET for these idiots?"~Pearl Forrester MST3K
Die-Hard Engineers, Big Red One my Dad's website
"Must be a 'snopes' thing..." ~my entire family when I try to explain something.

Posts: 4524 | From: South of Madison, Wisconsin | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
snapdragonfly
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Dear Inlaws,

Please quit being lame-o helpless whiney passive blobs who refuse to make any effort to help yourselves beyond extending your lily white palms out to your relatives who have money because they WORK for it, while you are waiting for the gobmint to come across with your livelihood.

thank you.
signed,
your uncle/brother's FIRST priority

PS cleaning that filthy nasty house you live in and fixing some of the freaking HOLES IN THE WALL instead of buying Plasma TV's would be a big step towards not being White Trash in my eyes.

--------------------
"Wolves, dragons and vampires, man. Draw the nut-bars like big ol' nut-bar magnets." ~evilrabbit

(snurched because one of my nutbar family members is all about wolves and another one is all about dragons...)(with apologies to surfcitydogdad)

Posts: 2397 | From: Texarkana, TX | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
tribrats
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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(Please note, I'm writing this as therapy)

Dear ******,

Would you PLEASE curl up and die already?!?! Running into you on May 14th was the worst day I could have had to come face to face with you again. Not only was it Mother's Day, it was also our 12th anniversary. I don't want ANYTHING that I have to associate you with! I've totally rid you from my life and I'd like to keep it that way.

My first thoughts when I saw you was how gleefully happy I was to see how pathetic you looked with your cane and how obviously painful it was for you to walk. I worked hard to overcome what you did to me, my Sister and my cousins. At least I can feel good about myself that I tried to get you put in jail for molesting us. It may not have worked and half the family (the side that actually support you) won't speak to me now but I can still hold my head up high- can you? I think it scared you when for once, I didn't break eye contact with you. And I didn't hesitate to walk away when you started to approach us.

So why am I just now starting to have the nightmares about you again? Nightmares are for monsters. You are nothing more than a pathetic low-life. I refuse to have any more. I'm leaving them right here so they won't bother me anymore. ---> [flame]

--------------------
Snopes is moving! Here's snopes' announcement.
Come here to re-register!

Posts: 2448 | From: New Hampshire | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Spamamander in a pear tree
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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quote:
Originally posted by Frog_Feathers:
Dear Powers of the Universe;

Guard me tomorrow at the slumber party. Now I know why my mother only had one full-blown slumber party in my life. Give me strength to get through those hours that I won't be able to get online and have intelligent conversations that aren't full of "OH MA GAWD!" and "like, you know".

Signed,
CJ's Mom

Dear girls coming to the party;
Remember how you're normally afraid of me? Good, keep remembering that. [Wink]

~CJ's Mom

You could try my solution- my daughter is turning 13 next month and I'm kicking all the girls outside. We have a six person tent and an acre and a half of blank space. It helps that we live in the desert and its likely to be fair weather. We'll be setting up a firepit (supervised of course) and they can make s'mores and giggle to their heart's content... out there.

Then again, I'm not sure the back acre will be enough to contain the noise of teenage girls.

--------------------
"There is a race between mankind and the universe. Mankind is trying to build bigger, better, faster, and more foolproof machines. The universe is trying to build bigger, better, and faster fools. So far the universe is winning." -Albert Einstein

Posts: 1058 | From: Yakima, WA | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
CherryQueen
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Dear ****,
WHY did you call me? How did you get my number? What the hell?? Seriously, WHAT THE HELL?????!!?!?

A very bumfuzzled CQ

--------------------
"Hilariously, he pronounces "Sauron" as "Sore-on", which sounds like something you apply directly to facial herpes."--theagonybooth.com

Posts: 2037 | From: Reston, VA | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Dutch Angua
Deck the Malls


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Dear nervous system,

WHY do you need to have so many parts?
How the hell d'you think I'm gonna remember all of them?

--------------------
Dude, where's my siggy?

Posts: 276 | From: Holland | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
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