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Author Topic: Is anyone else's mother like this?
Silkenreindeer
Wassaleing


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Is anyone else's mother like this?

Yes.

Posts: 494 | From: Epping, Essex, UK | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Christie
The Bills of St. Mary's


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quote:
Originally posted by Signora Del Drago:
Does it seem like there are more not-so-good relationships between a parent and child of the same sex than there are between a parent and child of the opposite sex? Just wondering.

I know I, like a lot of girls, idealized my father and always blamed my mother when they had disagreements or fights. She was being mean to my daddy! That all changed when I grew up, got married and had children of my own.

It was an epiphany that came gradually [Big Grin] . But I realised that no, my dad was not perfect and that I had no business making judgements on their marriage, and that, in fact, much of the time my mother was absolutely right and my perfect daddy was, to be blunt, an ass.

Now I love both of them despite their faults, not because I cannot see that one of them does have faults.

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If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation. - Jean Kerr

Posts: 18428 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Mochrie99
I Saw Three Shipments


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Wow, I feel like I'm in the minority here. My mom and I have a pretty good relationship. There are times when she drives me a little crazy (as I'm sure all mothers are wont to do), but by and large, I honestly have nothing to complain about.

Mochrie99

Posts: 80 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Barbara
Layaway in a Manger


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quote:
Originally posted by Signora Del Drago:
My relationship with my mother wasn't great. For instance, once when she was in the long process of dying, and I was cleaning her bottom after an accident in the bed, she told me she didn't like the way I was wearing my hair. Oh, well. I could never do anything right.

I would suggest her criticism had to do with her feeling powerless rather than with how your hair looked. Think of it this way - there she was in what had to be one of the most humiliating positions imaginable being tended to by her child. The natural parent/child order had been overturned, with her becoming the helpless infant who had messed herself, and you taking on the role of compentent mommy who smilingly and uncriticizingly cleaned it up.

She was going to say something at that juncture to reassert herself as an adult (equal), if not the parent (superior). In criticizing you, she once again became the one in charge.

It was a nasty way for her to cope with the awful feelings and realizations she must have been experiencing, but I can see why she did it.

Barbara "it was never about your hair" Mikkelson

Posts: 2511 | From: Los Angeles, CA | Registered: Feb 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
snopes
Return! Return! Return!


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My mother's standard greeting was "What's wrong with your face?" (And no, she wasn't trying to be funny.)

Enough said.

- snopes

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Signora Del Drago
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


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Barbara~Thank you. (ETA: She was super-critical of me my whole life and got worse when she first became so ill. But, she made amends before she died. I am so thankful for that.) I know she did the best she could, and the memory of what she went through is worse than missing her. I, like many others, wish to die before one of my children has to clean my bed or to change my diaper or to remind me to drink my milk. She always wanted a scrambled egg, but she usually could only eat one or two bites. Do you know how hard it is to scramble just one egg? The last egg I scrambled for her, she ate all of it and said, "That's the best scrambled egg I ever had." You will never know what that meant to me. She died during the night.

snopes~For what it's worth, I looked at your profile photo, and I think your little face is pretty cute. I bet Barbara does, too. Wonder what my first clue was. [lol]

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"This air we're breathing. Oxygen, isn't it?"~I’mNotDedalus, impersonating Vincent D’Onofrio.|"Sometimes trying to communicate can be like walking through a minefield."~wanderwoman
"Give people a break. It's not easy doing a life."~Joshua Halberstam

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Mistletoey Chloe
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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When I was a teenager, my father would helpfully point out, when I came down for breakfast before school, if my skin seemed especially bad that day. He honestly meant it to be informational, apparently unaware of how much time teenage girls spend looking in the mirror and weeping.

If, on the other hand, my mother caught me looking in the mirror and fiddling disconsolately with my hair or my skin or whatever else I was distressed about, she'd tell me not to be so vain. I remember shouting at her once, "It's not vanity; it's despair!"

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~~Ai am in mai prrrrrraime!~~

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RubyMoon
Deck the Malls


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My mother and I fought all the time. For 36 years if we were near each other for more than 15 minutes it turned into a screaming match. The subject of the fights was always the same thing -- my total lack of femininity, and interest in girly things. Constant butting of heads from the day she adopted me til the day she died. I hated it, and I yelled and fought -- but I also understood. She had had 2 sons, and always wanted a little girl to complete the family. She had stillborn twin girls, and I know she built up fantasy's of what perfect little girls they would be, perfect wives, etc. (1930's style fantasy woman) When she finally got to adopt a baby, in the early 50's instead of her little princes she got a little hooligan tomboy, and before I was grown the idea of what a woman should be was changing. Instread of the happy homemaker she got Rossie the riveter.
And she was kind of proud of me, just couldn't admit it to herself.

20 years later, all I can say is I miss the fighting.

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Santa Mari-a
Happy Holly Days


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quote:
Originally posted by Signora Del Drago:
Does it seem like there are more not-so-good relationships between a parent and child of the same sex than there are between a parent and child of the opposite sex? Just wondering.

According to You're Wearing That?, the book I referred to above, women are extremely critical of other women, and what women know each other's faults better than a mother and daughter? That's why the relationships tend to be more emotional (for good or ill) between them than between a mother and son, father and daughter, or father and son.

FWIW, I have a very good relationship with my mom (although she does her share of nitpicky criticizing), but never felt close to my dad. He was raised in Greece, where men are treated like kings, and I think having a 1970's feminist for a daughter threw him for a loop. Ironically, the more he demanded respect, the less inclined I was to give it. But, like your mother and the scrambled egg, our relationship ended on a positive note. He died shortly after I was made an elder in the Presbyterian Church I was attending at the time, but it made us both happy that I was able to share that news with him. It was about the last conversation we had.

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Si hoc comprehendere potes, gratias age magistro Latinae.

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kingfan1978
Deck the Malls


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quote:
Originally posted by YardGnomeNinja:
Oh... my... God...

Lemme tell you a thing or two about MY mother-in-law... [Big Grin] [Razz]

Oh, don't mind him...as I explained in a previous post, I'm blessed with wonderful in-laws so he doesn't know what it's like to have a mother that drives you crazy. [Big Grin]

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"I reject your reality and substitue my own!" - Adam Savage, Mythbusters

Posts: 411 | From: Indiana | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
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