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Author Topic: Am I wrong to want them to change their wedding date?
monkey
Happy Holly Days


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Wow, that dress is hot!

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Para
Deck the Malls


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Auntie Witch, if this is apparently about how they're going to spin your involvement (or non-involvement), then I honestly wouldn't worry about it. If that's how they are, then it won't matter what you do, they'll find some way to make you look bad. If not at the wedding, then about some other matter. You and J should just do whatever you feel you have to do, and clear your consciences, imho.

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Amigone201
Happy Holly Days


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This is the way I see it. Your job getting in the way seems a perfect excuse to skip the wedding. If only I had such luck every damn time somebody got married!

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BeachLife
The Bills of St. Mary's


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From what you've said, it doesn't seem like you've told them yet that that weekend simply won't work for you. August was a tricky month and might be a conflict. That's entirely different from, "x weekend definitely won't work for us".

I think you just need to decide whether or not you or your husband will be there and let the bride and groom know. You can tell them why and stress you specific reasons. But, I wouldn't worry about how anyone might spin it. The people that are going to take you for your worst will fins something else to dis you on one way or the other.

When I got married, neiher my wife nor I asked a single person whether our date would work for them. If one of the attendants had a conflict, I would have expected them to bring it up, but I doubt it would changed are wedding date.

Beach...there doesn't have to be a good guy and a bad guy, it's all just about choices yours and theirs...Life!

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LeaflessMapleTree
The twelve shopping days 'til Christmas


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quote:
Originally posted by Roadie:
Here's the bride's dress.

Holy crap! It looks like a clown ate her, and then she managed to cut off its head from the inside.

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Jenn
Layaway in a Manger


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quote:
Originally posted by snapdragonfly:
But getting all prima donna and stamping their feet and expecting the rest of the world to bend over backwards and cater to THEM and come out on THAT DATE AND THAT DATE ONLY is self absorbed, inconsiderate, and childish.

Everything you said there holds true for guests, as well. Guestzilla is an even worse beast than Bridezilla, IMO.

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Canuckistan
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by MapleLeaf:
quote:
Originally posted by Roadie:
Here's the bride's dress.

Holy crap! It looks like a clown ate her, and then she managed to cut off its head from the inside.
Actually, I was thinking Big Bird has suffered a horrible tie-dye accident.

Sesame Street is still in mourning. Between extended periods of pointing and giggling.

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People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

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Matt H.
Deck the Malls


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quote:
Originally posted by Roadie:
Here's the bride's dress.

Why is there only a head on top of that flocked Christmas tree? Don't they usually put the whole angel on?

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"Who needs the Bible? I've got this magic 8-ball."

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TurquoiseGirl
The "Was on Sale" Song


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My SIL could not attend my wedding. She had limited vacation and had used that to attend her brother's earlier in the year. My brother (her husband) was in the wedding. He came on his own.

SIL handled it nicely. She called me and said that she was disappointed that she couldn't come, wished us well and invited us to dinner next time we were in town.

I don't think anything less of her because she couldn't come. She had to work. End of story. We all know how that goes.

The one guest I was mad at was the one (one of my bridesmaids) for whom I did rearrange the date to satisfy who ended up not making it anyhow.

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Magdalene
Happy Holly Days


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I'm going to have to weigh in for the HC on this one--barring something *extreme*, the bridal couple should choose the day they want. It's a bummer that you can't go, and I don't blame you for being disappointed, but you really can't expect people to change their day for your sake, especially work related--that way begets madness in my opinion. Next thing you know, August 1st doesn't work for Uncle Bob because that's his annual fly-fishing trip, September 30th doesn't work for Great-Aunt Susan because that's her 50th wedding anniversary...you get the idea. That you did so at your wedding is fine, but they don't want to, and that's also fine.

Magdalene

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Auntie Witch
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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I guess I should have been more clear. I want them to change it, as in, idealistically, it would be nice type of thing, but I don't expect it, nor am I going to call and demand they do so. I'm just really upset that they didn't take it into consideration when I first (second, third, etc) mentioned it, or, if it truly is an important date, had told me then and there why they were going with that particular date. That, and the fact that I did my BIL the same courtesy kinda ticks me off. I was expected to change my wedding date to suit him, but for me to say, "The last two weekends in August are really problematic for me" is wrong? Nine months in advance, before any real planning had begun (and truthfully, before they even became officially "engaged"?)

Selfishness is not a new concept with this couple. They've done a lot of things to upset J's family. This was just the icing on the cake.

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Jenn
Layaway in a Manger


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quote:
Originally posted by Auntie Witch:
I guess I should have been more clear.

...but for me to say, "The last two weekends in August are really problematic for me" is wrong? Nine months in advance, before any real planning had begun (and truthfully, before they even became officially "engaged"?

I think lack of clarity really is the problem, and not just in this thread. If I'm wedding planning and someone tells me months in advance that a certain time frame "will be problematic" it doesn't mean that those two weeks are out. It means that those two weeks may require some juggling for the person, not that those dates are impossible. I don't take a "maybe" nine months in advance that seriously; it certainly doesn't automatically trump a day that has sentimental meaning. (Related story: My sister bent over backwards months in advance to satisfy her future parents-in-law, and they ended up having to move shortly before the wedding and couldn't attend anyhow. She lost the sentimental date she wanted to cater to other people who ended up not making it.)

It was good of you to let them know about dates that weren't good for you. There is nothing wrong with that. But unless you were absolutely clear and definite about the dates being out and why, I can't fault them for not working around a wishy washy schedule.

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Colonel Zoidberg
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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If you can't go to a wedding for whatever reason and people don't understand that, the NFBSK with them. They don't need to change their date; it's right for them, and if someone can't go because of the date, well, such is life, I suppose. In this busy world, it's hard to please everyone.

I don't think it's right to try to push people to change their date. For one thing, as an article on the Snopes site says, it's bad luck to change a date once it's been set in stone (I guess a good way of defining that is that the invitations or "save-the-date" cards have been sent, or even before that, the venue is booked.) For another thing, I was faced with that earlier - my fiancee and I have been set for December 2nd of this year for some time. It's when she's out of school, and it's when people are looking forward to the holidays. Plus, we have a honeymoon in Hawaii coming, so it will be nice to be warm for a week in December. The problem? My brother is my best man, and he's also a team leader in the Purdue marching band. He had an event that weekend. So rather than see if he could duck out of it or something or have someone cover for him, my dad calls and orders us to change the date. Neither my DF nor I were budging, and he got out of the event without any trouble. Still, it was a little ridiculous how audacious someone can be about this sort of thing. Frankly, it's our wedding on our date of choice, and anyone who doesn't like it doesn't have to come.

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Purple Iguana
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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I agree that it would be nice if they would schedule things so it would be convenient to everyone (or as many people as possible)... but situations don't always turn out the nice way. It doesn't mean that you're being slighted, just that it's not going to work out for you this time.

As for "when is it acceptable to get a wedding date changed"?? I would say only in REALLY extreme circumstances... like a death in the family, bodily injury (can't have the maid of honor hobbling down the aisle on crutches, can we? [Smile] ), or something along these lines. Just because the date is inconvenient doesn't strike me as a good enough reason. But that's just my opinion.

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