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» Hello snopes.com » SLC Central » Rantidote » Letters You Wish You Could Send--May 2006 (Page 8)

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Author Topic: Letters You Wish You Could Send--May 2006
RangerDog
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Dear I'm Anya,
I hope you really send that letter, but I suspect you have told her as much, anyway.

Oh and P.S. Have you changed to a new user name? Or have you always been Anya?

Respectfully,

RangerDog

--------------------
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish

Posts: 2036 | From: Virginia | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
RangerDog
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Dear Ali,

Aren't they just awesome? My Grandson is just starting to be able to sit upright for a few minutes on his own, and of course, everything goes into his mouth, including his hand.

Your Friend,
RangerDog

--------------------
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish

Posts: 2036 | From: Virginia | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
AQB, Max's DHB
Santa eBayby


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Dear Snopesters,

Dang dern you all to h-e-double-hockey-sticks for being so entertaining, so that I have spent a shocking amount of time reading the boards instead of finishing my wretched annual self-evaluation.

Why, If you don't knock it off, I might have to--gasp--close my browser. Rassa frassa fricka fracka.

Love and kisses,
AQB, Max's Procrastinating DHB

--------------------
"The Potato Festival will never be the same without Evelena." (from an obituary in the Charleston, WV, Gazette)

Posts: 215 | From: living here in Allentown, PA | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
DawnStorm
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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Dear Amazon: STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT!!! Stop tempting me with your selection of horseracing books!! As much as I love books, my house doesn't have enough room, nor my wallet enough money, for all the books I want to read! All I wanted was This book, called The Great Match Race, and I was tickled pink when I saw that I could buy it along with a bio of Man O' War: I was going to buy that book anyway. BUT, you just had to go and show me other books on other racehorses, racing, etc. Damn you!!! Do you think my last name is Gates?
(Thank God for the County library system--they've been getting a lot of really good racing books over the past few years)
And, you,
, Hardware City, enough with the cute garden/yard decorations! They're cute without being kitschy (no bent over grannies or peeing kids here) and just the right size, but again, my last name isn't Gates! The next time I need to come to your store, I will call first and DEMAND that you cover each and every one of them with a thick black tarp. If you do not do this, then my eventual bankruptcy will be on your hands; I don't know how long I can hold out!

Signed, She Whose Wants Are Bigger Than Her Wallet [Frown]

--------------------
Leashes?! We don't need no stinking leashes!!

Posts: 4771 | From: The Berkeley of the East Coast: Montgomery County MD | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
24K_ Kate
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Dear missing GRI file,
Please, please, please show up somewhere between PEA and say, RAA. I have spent the past day and a half going through AAB- PAT and I am very, very tired of looking through each and every folder for you. I don't want to have to go all the way to Z. Worse yet, I don't want to think about what will happen if we don't find you at all.

Love,
The assistant whose job has become to find you.

--------------------
<---Callisto

I have a 60 second snack idea for Rachel (Ray): Xanax, vodka, fall asleep.--Adrianne Frost, Best Week Ever.

Posts: 2374 | From: Naw-fik, VA y'all | Registered: Nov 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
I'm 20th Century Fox
Happy Holly Days


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quote:
Originally posted by RangerDog:
Dear I'm Anya,
I hope you really send that letter, but I suspect you have told her as much, anyway.

Oh and P.S. Have you changed to a new user name? Or have you always been Anya?

Respectfully,

RangerDog

Yes, I plan to give this to her, word for word.

And I've been various incarnations of Anya for maybe a year or so (before that, I was Fox in Socks, and something else before that). I was Anyasomething a couple of months ago, and after that theme ended I tried to go back to just Anya, but someone else had that name. So I became "I'm Anya". Which I think I'll stick with!

--------------------
When my chin is on the ground I pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again.

Posts: 1765 | From: Greensboro, NC | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Zorro
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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Dear Mom,

Okay, you're not a baby person. I get it. you hate men and are still bitter and angry twenty-plus years after you divorced my deadbeat father. I get that, too.

But for the love of gawd, why do you have to NFBSKing rain on my parade all the freaking time? I told you I was pregnant, and you'd know we were trying, so it should not have shocked you. Well, I don't actually know how it hit you, because you never said much of anything beyond, "Oh." You never ask me how the pregnancy is going, how I'm feeling, have I felt the baby kicking, NOTHING. You're calling and emailing me much less often, too.

Today takes the icing on the cake. "I know someone who was certain theirs was a boy and it came out a girl." I'm happy it's a boy! I already told you I have the photographic evidence of a freaking erect penis to prove it's a boy! Do you really think wishing that penis away will turn it into another little girl for you to warp??

Well, rest assured, I will not be forcing you to hold the baby or spend time with him. I know you don't like babies and you don't like kids and you don't like men. With the attitude you've been showing, I'm glad you told me already you're not throwing me a shower. With your attitude, all the decorations would probably be black.

**** you,
Zorro

--------------------
"Seize the day! Make your lives extraordinary!"
-John Keating, "Dead Poets Society"

Posts: 2861 | From: New Jersey | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Syllavus
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


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Dear Self,

Ugh... after hours and hours of painstaking cloning... you're finally finished, you managed to remove EVERY stinking line from that sketch. I hope you've learned your lesson.

 -

Now go give your hands a rest, and don't EVER draw on lined paper again! [Razz]

Sincerely,
Yourself

--------------------
"That would be really dangerous, you know. Indiscriminately extricating someone from the petrified corpse of a supernatural creature." - My Husband

Posts: 4308 | From: Massachusetts | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
frogpond
Jingle Sales


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Syllavus, it's a lovely sketch, at least it was worth the effort!

--------------------
So many books, so little time.

Posts: 1192 | From: McDonough, Georgia | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Starla
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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Dear Ali,

That first Mother's Day present from your little one is a treasure, isn't it? I still get teary when I look at mine. The glurgey poem attached to the handprints makes me weep. [Smile]

Enjoy It,
Starla

_______________

Dear Starlet's Preschool,
I have been 100% behind the new administration and staff, heck, I even work for you now but I wish I could say your Mother's Day effort SUCKED!! Teeny, tiny yucky pre-packaged muffins and half a strofoam cup of OJ does not a speacial Mother's Day breakfast make. I don't demand fancy but how about a little cut up fruit, maybe some coffee. Last year they did a special dinner with roses but I don't expect that, just something a bit nicer. Like giving us plates, or at least napkins instead of paper towels.

And while the little "check" where Starlet's teacher wrote what Starlet would buy me with a million dollars was cute (that would be one hell of a fancy dress!) it wasn't much. Starlet was disappointed. She feels bad. Last year she was so proud of the handprint card with all the drawings inside, and especially the tissue-papered vase. I cherish them both, even more because Starlet was so proud to have made me something nice. It's too bad you couldn't have organized something a bit nicer than a colored-on piece of paper. For the kid's sake, really.

It sounds too selfish to say, so I won't. But if I'm there next year, since Starlet will have moved on to Kidnergarten, I will suggest something specific that's nicer.

Sincerly,
Starla

--------------------
This used to be the life, but I don't need another one.
MyBandwagon

Posts: 3254 | From: small town Texas | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
DaphHime
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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NFBSK ALERT! NFBSK ALERT!
.
.
.
.

Dear Reproductive system,

Enough with the cramps! Must you make it feel like my uterus is going trough a cheese grater once a month!?

Sincerly,
DaphHime

--------------------
"I was in one of those rare states where you curse someone else's misfortune."-Rikudo Koshi

Posts: 125 | From: Villa Park, IL | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
LadyLockeout
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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quote:
Originally posted by DawnStorm:
Dear Amazon: STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT!!! Stop tempting me with your selection of horseracing books!! As much as I love books, my house doesn't have enough room, nor my wallet enough money, for all the books I want to read! All I wanted was This book, called The Great Match Race, and I was tickled pink when I saw that I could buy it along with a bio of Man O' War: I was going to buy that book anyway. BUT, you just had to go and show me other books on other racehorses, racing, etc. Damn you!!! Do you think my last name is Gates?
(Thank God for the County library system--they've been getting a lot of really good racing books over the past few years)
And, you,
, Hardware City, enough with the cute garden/yard decorations! They're cute without being kitschy (no bent over grannies or peeing kids here) and just the right size, but again, my last name isn't Gates! The next time I need to come to your store, I will call first and DEMAND that you cover each and every one of them with a thick black tarp. If you do not do this, then my eventual bankruptcy will be on your hands; I don't know how long I can hold out!

Signed, She Whose Wants Are Bigger Than Her Wallet [Frown]

Dear Dawnstorm -

Do you perchance read Dick Francis? Mystery and suspsense and horseracing all in one! [Smile]

Too bad the NFBSK'er of an ex stole my entire collection... [flame]

--------------------
Katesune: We still can't find the way to albuquerque, and glisp won't stop to ask for directions.
Glisp42: Of course not. I know where I'm going, I just don't know where I am right now

Twisted Links

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Rhiandmoi
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Dear Thunderbird,

Take that BIATCH! You tried to get rid of all my old messages when you died today. But I was onto you. I hid them from you when I uninstalled you, and now your new updated cousin is here on my computer and I still have all my old email messages. NEENER NEENER NEENER.

Rhiandmoi - The master of all she surveys

Dear Mozilla,

Why is it that when I installed the new version of Thunderbird over the old version the old version tried to eat all my email?

Rhiandmoi - see above message about how I am the master of all I survey.

--------------------
I think that hyperbole is the single greatest factor contributing to the decline of society. - My friend Pat.

What is .02 worth?

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monkey
Happy Holly Days


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Dear Husband,

Honey, we need to talk. When we agree that we should buy some pre-paid minutes for our old cell phone before our big trip in case we break down, and we agree that we will not sign up for a plan because we don't need a cell long-term, and we agree that no matter what we are not going to get pushed into a monthly plan because we only need to use the phone over the course of about ten days, and then you go ahead and change your mind and unilaterally decide to sign up for a $52/month plan -- that is seriously un-freaking-cool.

Thanks for making me feel like my opinion doesn't matter at all. It makes me feel great that we've spent weeks discussing this and we came to an agreement together, and you felt it was appropriate to just do whatever the heck you felt like doing.

I now know that you wanted a plan the whole time, because you miss having a cell phone to carry around (even though we can't afford it and you don't need one). You agreed to get pre-paid because that's what I wanted to hear, and then once you were in the store you got a plan like you wanted. I cannot stand you manipulating me like that. Grow a pair and tell me what you want in the first place so we can work something out. Don't just agree and then go behind my back to get what you want.

And now you're happy because you think you'll get to keep your cell and you'll just have to deal with me being upset for an afternoon. No dice. I'm canceling the monthly plan after the trip, because I'm not going to let you keep thinking this is acceptable behavior. I don't like acting like your mother - please stop acting like a child.

And I hope you're thrilled that it will cost us $94 (first month plus activation) to have a phone to use on the trip, when it could have cost more like $15.

-your loving but frustrated wife

--------------------
http://sarahdwebber.wordpress.com/

Posts: 1490 | From: Arkansas | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Lydia Oh Lydia
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Dear Syllavus,
What a nice sketch! Your hard work was worth it.

--------------------
"My name is the symbol for my identity and must not be lost." Motto of the Lucy Stone League.

Posts: 1815 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Jocko's Jolly
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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quote:
Originally posted by YeeMum:
Monkey,
Thank you, the pisser is I am far enough away I really don't know for sure which bit of information is the correct bit. (or has any for that matter)
Each family member gives me a different bit.

They probably don't know yet. I'm guessing the police are still investigating and the coronoer's report hasn't come out yet. You'll probably be able to get the straight scoop when things settle down.

Kudos on trying to make nice with the ex. Believe me, things will go better all around down the road if no one gets nasty now. You might point out to your family that she will now be the sole decision-maker on who the kids see, when and for how long so, unless they want to be cut off from the kids forever, they better watch their mouths. A friend I used to work with recently lost her brother. They will probably never see his son again because they could not stop themselves from bad-mouthig her all over town, to her face and behind her back. Several of us tried to wran her, but she wouldn't listen and now she's heartbroken, her only remaining contact to her brother is probably out of her life for good.

Hang in there, hugs and vibes to your whole family.

--------------------
Like every good third-in-a-series it contains a whole load of ewoks, ‘Clubber’ Lang, whey-faced Sophia Coppola, Sean Connery as the Pirate Captain’s estranged dad, a crappy CGI alien, and Richard Pryor on a donkey. -- Gideon Defoe

Posts: 2211 | From: Harford County, MD | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
monkey
Happy Holly Days


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quote:
Originally posted by Jocko Joker:
Kudos on trying to make nice with the ex. Believe me, things will go better all around down the road if no one gets nasty now. You might point out to your family that she will now be the sole decision-maker on who the kids see, when and for how long so, unless they want to be cut off from the kids forever, they better watch their mouths.

Excellent advice, Jocko. I don't know why, but some people seem to have the impression that they can act like jerks to the parents and then pull the "but we're faaammmily" card to get access to the kids. My husband has relatives who would never again see my child if anything happened to my husband - they treat me like crap, and they only have access to the baby now because my husband buys into the "we're faaammmily" nonsense. I personally don't care if you're family or not - if you can't treat me civilly, I'm not bringing my kid to you to let you teach him to behave the same way.

--------------------
http://sarahdwebber.wordpress.com/

Posts: 1490 | From: Arkansas | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Noemi
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Dear wrist:

This is quite enough. It was bad enough the you are so sore, but did you have to invite the hand too? I'm starting to run out of things to try to get you to calm down, and I don't want to take too many drugs.

Your owner

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Dear feet and ankles:

I want to thank you for some thing. No really I mean it. Since I've found good shoes the random soreness and aching is not happening as much and I really appreciate that. I wish the wrists and hands would follow suit.

Your owner

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Dear ali:

Thanks for the good thoughts. I'm hoping they have anti-inflammatory properties. [Smile]

N

--------------------
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
My blog, no guarantees about witty or intelligent content. My current projects.
Coveted Beads <---- our eBay store, new items being added somewhat regularly

Posts: 8418 | From: Wyoming | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
ali_marea
The "Was on Sale" Song


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Dear Noemi,

*grin* Oh, absolutely. My vibes are the NSAIDS of good will. [Big Grin]

ali

Dear Starla,

Oh I am absolutely loving this first Mother's Day [Smile] My director at work gave me a card! How sweet is that? It was to 'welcome me into the club'. [Smile] He's huge into families and stuff and very supportive.

I couldn't be happier!
ali

Dear Ranger Dog,

Oh how cool! We need recent pictures, mister. [Wink] Haven't seen them in quite a while and I know he must have grown a ton since the last photos you posted.

have fun with him, they grow awfully fast!

ali_the one with 7 nieces and nephews, now all in their teens_marea

Dear "I'm Anya",

Have you seen Tabula Rasa? [Big Grin] I ask because I am convinced that once you hear it the way she says it in that episode, you'll only be able to hear that when you see your screen name. That said, it is a pretty name and she's definitely one of my favorite characters. [Smile]

Too bad she had to stick with that tool Xander.

ali

--------------------
28 days, 6 hours, 42 minutes, and 12 seconds. That is when the world will end.

Posts: 7158 | From: D.C. | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Noemi
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Dear ali:

Oh good, that's exactly what I need. [Smile]

Noemi

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Dear person who came up with using paraffin to provide heat therapy:

If I knew who you were I'd find you and give you a huge hug. I'm not sure what I'd do without being able to do this sort of treatment when I need to at home.

Me

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Dear self:

The next time your hands and wrists get that sore, use the paraffin spa, dummy.

Me

--------------------
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
My blog, no guarantees about witty or intelligent content. My current projects.
Coveted Beads <---- our eBay store, new items being added somewhat regularly

Posts: 8418 | From: Wyoming | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Nightfall
The First USA Noel


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Dear J---,

On one hand, I do not care about your little announcemnent last night since I find myself moving away from the club. On the other hand, I will not be your puppet just because you are no longer a student and therefore can't run a student orgization on campus. I wonder if I should find another roommate for next year. You've pretty much ruined my weekend. I don't want to go to what ever you and D--- are planning for St---'s birthday for fear of blowing up in your face. I even had to call up D--- to tell him that I did not want to play Exalted tonight because I felt that I was too upset to not to try to PK your's and M---'s characters.

Nightfall


Dear M---,

From what J---- said, it sounds like you and he are being completely a pair of traitorous jack asses. Hopefully S---- spoke to you in person to determine what is going on. The rest of the exec board wants to know who the hell you think you are. Yes, you started the club, but since you dropped out of school, you cannot hold office. I'm sorry if this upsets you and if the club is not going where you want it to. But you just dropped all the responsiblity into S---'s and my lap when you dropped out of school without warning us. And now it appears that you want your control back? What the hell? I've been a part of the exec board since nearly the beginning so I feel that I have has much claim to be in charge of the club as you do. The funny thing is that I just graduated and so I really can't hold the position myself. Shrug. Have a nice life.

Nightfall

PS. I hate your Exalted character since he does his own little thing and you do not even try to mesh with the party. Instead, you seem to drag members of the party along on your fool's errand. Be grateful, D--- convinced me not to PK your character.

--------------------
Darkness comes where Nightfall goes. -- from The Legend of Nightfall

Posts: 791 | From: Indiana | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Zabia
Deck the Malls


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Dear friends,
I drove 24 hours to be here, Hubby flew in, per your repeated requests for us to be here. If you cannot take any time out of your presious schedule of game playing or funning about on the internet to spend time with us, I will leave. Hubby is way more patient with this but I am not. When I spend that much money on food to cook dinner, I rather expect that you come out of your holes and hang. Espically after all the hard sell to get us to move here. So you want us to move here so you can ingore us? Like it is less hurtfull than when we are on the coast? You talk about how much you miss us then pull this crap tonight. This wasn't "stuck in your routine" it was outright rude.
Hubby is more tolerante and flies out in over a week, I however, don't need any more people who professes greatly that the love me and want me around then treat me like I'm in the way. I have a car, I will leave. If I needed my self esteem trampled on, I'd spend more time with my family.
Please, stop. I'm not demanding much, just hang out for the half hour I'm cooking and act like you have company. AND if we are doing something to annoy you, tell us. I'm sorry that I'm not as funny as S, but considering you have known him for 20 years, I'm climbing a huge wall if you don't give me a chance. You wanted us here, now actually act like it.
So trying not to take this personal, but dude.
D

--------------------
We frettered around like farm animals, looking around for formulas and father figures. -Twilight Zone

Posts: 425 | From: Lynchburg, VA | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
CherryQueen
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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J,
I know you probably don't want to hear this from me, since we've only ever had some wierd thing that is almost, but not quite, a friendship since we broke up... but I am shocked and horrified by your brother's murder, and I hope that they nail the balls of whoever did it to the wall. If you EVER, EVER, EVER need to talk, I'm here for you. He was a great kid, and I know this must be doubly difficult since you guys didn't have a super close relationship since he lived with your dad. I know we had our moments, but your family and mine have been friends going all the way back to when you uncle told his actual girlfriend he was dating my mom, and the past is the past. I know everyone in Bruce is rallying around you because something so brutal and tragic almost never happens there, but if you need a different perspective (I know how that ole Bruce-itis can get people to gossipping and telling stuff that doesn't even resemble truth), I AM HERE.

M

--------------------
"Hilariously, he pronounces "Sauron" as "Sore-on", which sounds like something you apply directly to facial herpes."--theagonybooth.com

Posts: 2037 | From: Reston, VA | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
IlGreven, Swan a-Swimmin'
Grandma Got Run Over by a Rain Check


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Dear M,

See...when you rent a U-Haul on a day when you know that you only have one other person to help you (even if you think you'll have more), you deserve to lose money for another day of U-Haul rental. But then, it's these sorts of financial blunders that lost you your house in the first place, isn't it?

Your (somewhat) more financially savvy half-brother.

--------------------
A gigantic force on the 'Net, and even BIGGER in person.

Posts: 508 | From: Ohio | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Starla
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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Dear Monkey,

I soooo should not have gotten my hopes up! True to form, Mr S dislikes Sarah Jessica Parker and thus thought she was totally awful and worthy of being put down by the family (I'm talking all the stuff before the boyfriend told his family off). So I had to sit and remind myself that this was not a reflection of anything except that SJP has always bugged him and so he's not going to see her character in the proper light.

But man did it bug me!

-Starla

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This used to be the life, but I don't need another one.
MyBandwagon

Posts: 3254 | From: small town Texas | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
monkey
Happy Holly Days


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Dear Starla,

I'm so sorry! Agh that sucks! My husband, in the very beginning, commented a few times on how annoying SJP's character was, and thought it was funny when the family started in on her, and then I commented that I knew how she felt. He thought for a second, said "oh" and then reacted completely differently to the rest of the film.

I have a feeling that if my in-laws saw the movie, they'd be asking my husband if he gets along well with my sister (anything to get rid of me!). [Roll Eyes]

-monkey

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http://sarahdwebber.wordpress.com/

Posts: 1490 | From: Arkansas | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
NewZer0
Happy Holly Days


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Dear Fortune,

This upswing is fun, but makes me nervous. Thank you for all of these blessings!

(Well, it could always be worse...)

--NewZer0

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I study medieval literature because that's where the money is.

Posts: 1431 | From: Corvallis, OR | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
The Ota Faction
Happy Holly Days


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Dear Shitty '98 Dodge Neon -

I don't know how you knew that I was going to sell you to Pick-A-Part, but somehow you managed to find out, and give me all sorts of trouble on the way to the auto yard. You were, by far, the shittiest car I'd ever owned, and I hope you feel it when you're stripped for parts. If there were a Hell for cars, I hope you're doomed to be chewed by Satan's car for all of eternity, you traitorous POS. I hated you the moment I saw you, and I can't fathom the idea that my then-girlfriend (now my wife) had picked YOU from all the cars on the lot. I can't think of one benefit we've received from having you for the last 3 years; you stalled constantly, the seatbelts never quite worked with a car seat, I enjoyed having to shift you even though you were an automatic, your windows never rolled up all the way, and I had to take out the dome light because it never went out. I've invested far too much money in your transmission, tires, rims, bumpers, brakes, tierods and exhaust, and having to put in a quart of oil every few days was just ridiculous. Not to mention the fact that you looked like a VW Beetle mated with the Wal*Mart happy face and had you. I only wish that I could have set you on fire and listened to you scream as I sat with a bottle of water in my hands, refusing to quench the flames. I pity anyone who picks one of your parts, even though I hope it would feel like taking out someone's organs while they were awake. If I ever buy another Neon, it would only be to prop up the target silhouette for the stinger missile battery I aquired. Either that, or I'd cover it in Clinton '08 stickers and park it for a few days in Sayre and let "political opinion" run its course.

P.S. I know that you enjoyed rattling all my pocket change out when I rode in you, but when I cleaned you out, I never found any. The 125 dollars I got for selling you will mean I probably broke even.

Suffer Forever,
Matt.

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"Tell me what you eat, and I will tell you what you are." - Anthelme Brillat-Savarin
"That lonely recluse who lives down the road is crying out. So is that pregnant teenager. And the prostitute. And the drunkard."
Join the Free State Project - I did!

Posts: 1516 | From: *sigh* Elmira, NY | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Zorro
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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Dear Ota,

I feel your pain, my friend. But, I must say, your letter made my husband and me both giggle a lot. [Wink]

Zor "owned a '96 Neon for six years and hated every minute of it" ro

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"Seize the day! Make your lives extraordinary!"
-John Keating, "Dead Poets Society"

Posts: 2861 | From: New Jersey | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Zorro
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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waffles

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"Seize the day! Make your lives extraordinary!"
-John Keating, "Dead Poets Society"

Posts: 2861 | From: New Jersey | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
LizzyJingleBells
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Sylvuss, that drawing is gorgeous. I wish I had that kind of tallent. And in only 10 minutes? I'm very impressed.

Do you do commissioned work? I bet you'd do a wonderful pic of my Sammy cat.

Lizzy


Tottie,

Thanks for beging such a good little guinea pig. I'm very glad I impulsivly bought you. Sometimes you just need another little one loving you to make things okay.

Your human mama


Nicholas,

Sorry Mother's day sucked for both of us. I love you. I just wish I could be a better mom for you.

Your Mommy

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Come on, come on, we were once upon a time in love
If the only prayer you say in your life is thank you, that would suffice. - Meister Eckhart My Blog

Posts: 7725 | From: Columbus, Ohio | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
ange84
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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Dear Headache,
Please go away, i've had you since yesterday evening which at the time was no problem because i finished my exam and emailed it off, but today when i needed to start my final 3 assignments you are still here and i can't do my essays because you are making my head hurt so much. I will allow you this one day off, but tomorrow you had better be gone so i can put my head down and bum up and do these essays.
The suffering person

Dear Body
Is this headache a way to tell me how run down and how badly i am currently taking care of myself. If so do you think you can lay off with the punishment until the 24th when all my essays go in. Please i'm begging you
The overly tired outer shell

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Love is a sudden revelation: a kiss is always a discovery

Posts: 902 | From: Australia | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
jmcomeau
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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Dear Pepsi (my cat, not the drink),

I know you like being outside. That's why I open the door to my private balcony whenever I'm home. You are not allowed out of the front door without a leash. The apartment people said so.

Please, do not run between my legs to get out again.

My feet hurt, and I had to bring in four loads of laundry. It was not fun to do so and then chase you around the parking lot in my sandals.

Your mommy,
JMC

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Is it always this cold? Hell is so much warmer.

Posts: 166 | From: Fort Collins, CO | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Algae
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Dear A & J:

I hope all goes well at court tomorrow and that the judge agrees that you're the best parent for B. I'm praying for you.

Love, Algae

Dear L:

Seriously...I'm angry with you. I've never met you, but you've made A & J's life miserable. Drop the case, lady. If you really loved B, you'd let him be raised by the stable, patient, younger couple that have him eating by himself and not spitting at people at school. Just a couple of the skills you never bothered to teach him.

Grrrr...Algae

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Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Don't drink and derive!

Posts: 1957 | From: Southeast Michigan | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
ange84
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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Dear company who did our graduation photos,
I am not overly impressed with the photos, and the photographer who did mine had an in and out menatlity and it shows in the photos. I am very disappointed because this is the one chance i had to take a graduation photo. Luckily the stage photographs turned out well, i can frame that one, but the rest are a waste of time. If it was busy when i had my photos done i would have understood, but it wasn't, the photographers were standing around doing nothing.
A very upset customer

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Love is a sudden revelation: a kiss is always a discovery

Posts: 902 | From: Australia | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
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