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» Hello snopes.com » SLC Central » Rantidote » Letters You Wish You Could Send--May 2006 (Page 3)

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Author Topic: Letters You Wish You Could Send--May 2006
Manic Soprano
Deck the Malls


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Dear Room,

Please clean yourself.

Sincerely,
Your occupant who's trying, but has better things to do.

Dear Dad,

I'm grateful that you and mom let me use the car to get to New Jersey. It'll save me a fair bit of dough, as well as ease the burden on my friends pockets.

But Dad, I am not four years old. I know it's a 10 hour drive, I know that there will be several toll roads, I know not to drink and drive, I know we can't bring fruits and vegetables and meat.

I'm 22 now. This may be my first road trip, but it'll work out. You seriously need to let me do that "learn by myself" thing.

Sincerely,
Me

Dear Sister,

Whatever snit you're in because I left a chair in your room yesterday, get out of it. I'm trying to move furniture out of my room, and the chair was only supposed to be in your doorway for a bit, but it was forgotten. A gentle reminder would have sufficed

I know you're stressed because the school musical is on. Holding a grudge against me is not going to make your life easier.

Congrats on getting your G1 license the other day. I'm glad you got a chance to drive, even if it was in a parking lot. I was laughing because you were freaking out the exact same way I did when I first drove.

Please don't put the car in a ditch in two years, just because I did.

Sincerely,
Older Sister

--------------------
Tally ho with a bing and a bong and a buzz buzz buzz!

Posts: 234 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
glisp42
I'm Dreaming Of A White iPod


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Dear people emailing me about the car. Get off your duffs and come look at it! I've had 5 emails from you and one phonecall and not one of you has shown up to look at it or make an offer. Please I really need the money and I don't need the car.

I humbly request car-selling vibes.

--------------------
What does "Bookachow", "YOMANK" and other lingo mean?

And we'll collect the moments one by one I guess that's how the future's done. -Feist

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Zorro
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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Dear Manic,

So, when are you coming to Jersey? And where in Jersey are you going? [Wink]

Zorro

--------------------
"Seize the day! Make your lives extraordinary!"
-John Keating, "Dead Poets Society"

Posts: 2861 | From: New Jersey | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
SirKnight-Protector of Lady Visa
The First USA Noel


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Dear Gallbladder,

Quit hurting me. I didn't appreciate spending 9 dollars on lunch only to chuck it all back up. You are going to be gone soon, if I have to take you out myself and if you don't like it tough. I am tired of being sick to my stomach all the time and hurting on my side cause you don't want to work.

Sincerely,

ME

--------------------
You have the Right to Remain Silent. Anything you say CAN and WILL be twisted around, taken out of Context and used against you.

All we need is love and beer. Old school metal and some holiday cheer to be happy.

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CitizenAim
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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Tzarina,

This is kind of random, but your cat's face looks like Richard Gere's. Has anyone ever told you that?

Posts: 146 | From: Columbia, SC | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Toad Buddy
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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Dear Mom,
Wow. A whole year has gone by without you. Everybody says it will get easier as time goes by, but I don't think so.
Give Gail & ScatCat a squeeze for me, okay?
I love you & miss you lots.
Me
XoXoXoXo

Posts: 122 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Senior
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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Dear Tooth,

I suppose if you were going to break, doing it the night before I go for a tooth cleaning is a good time to do it. But I don't appreciate you breaking at all. I'd finally got Mr. Visa down to a manageable level. The co-pay on a root canal/crown & post is $1600. Do you think I'm made of Visa cards?

Senior

--------------------
Ad astra per asparagus.

Posts: 4806 | From: Groton, CT | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Em
Happy Holly Days


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Dear annoying woman at the station this morning,

I sincerely doubt that they intentionally ran over someone with a train specifically to f*** with your day. Yelling at the station staff wasn't going to help get a bus there any faster. As far as I'm aware, neither of the two station staff you were screaming at had anything to do with the accident. The fact that they were working on the station rather than in the train should have clued you in on that. Why, then, do you feel that you have the right to loudly and interminably blame them for "completely ruining your day"?

Also, contrary to what you said - of the two of us, you would be the most likely to end up stabbed in an alley somewhere. After all, you're the psycho bitch, I'm just someone who doesn't like to see people abused for things which aren't their fault.

Get a life,
-Em.




Dear whoever it was who was hit by the train,

What were you thinking? You were a couple of hundred metres from a crossing.

Now the poor driver is probably going to have nightmares for years, you seriously screwed up the day of a particularly irritating woman who had places to be, and to judge be the way the paramedics were acting, you're dead. Was it really worth it?

- Someone who doesn't want to hear that noise again.

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What the NFBSK does YOMANK mean?

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First of Two
The Bills of St. Mary's


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Dear self,

Damn, boy, your sense of humor has taken a turn towards the stupid. That wasn't funny, it was mean. And stupid. And... and, well, NFBSK you, you're embarassing me! Saying it just to irritate Luis, while an admirable goal in and of itself, left you open for all sorts of well-deserved crap you should have seen coming. Jackass.

Take your own advice and swallow a NFBSKing chill pill. It's a debate, not a gunfight.

And another thing... WTF is up with this NFBSKING insomnia??? GO TO SLEEP!

Your brain.

--------------------
"Liberalism is a philosophy of consolation for western civilization as it commits suicide." - Jerry Pournelle

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christmas tree kitapper
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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Dear Mean Guy,

Listen, when I say you don't have a reservation in our system (and you didn't), and that none of your colleagues you asked me to look up are inhouse (and they weren't) and that I can't give you a rooom because we're sold out (and we were) this means I don't have a room available for you to check into, and no, I am not going to give you one of the rooms of people I am still expecting no matter how much you bitch at me.

I don't know where your reservation was made, but it wasn't here. Yelling at me won't magically make a reservation appear in the system. There is no way on earth I am giving you a room that has already been allotted to someone with a reservation who might still show up. Maybe you should confirm all the information with your company the next time before you fly out.

And stiffing the taxi driver? So majorly uncool.

Sincerely,
the Night Auditor

--------------------
"I have never in my life been more disappointed by a politician I voted for than I have been with George Bush. He is a total liberal."- overheard by me on the shuttle to the U of A game on Nov. 11th.

Posts: 3878 | From: Tucson, AZ | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
chillas
Coventry Mall Carol


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Dear NFBSK-wit in the silver Nissan Altima who was driving in the north bound lanes of I270 on the west side of Columbus yesterday around 6:45pm:

This will likely come as a surprise to you - and I believe this simply because I doubt you've ever given the issue any thought - but object thrown from your window while driving at 70 mph on the freeway do not simply cease to exist. Sometimes they'll simply land on the ground. Often they'll hit the vehicle behind you. And from time to time the wind currents will be such that they will be sucked into the open window of the car behind you.

Such was the case last night with your still lit cigarette. You know, the one you tossed out and which was subsequently sucked into my open window and hit me in the face just to the side of my left eye.

It is fortunate for both of us that I do not ever lose my temper.

~the guy in the Mustang behind you (not that you noticed)

--------------------
Come on, come on - spin a little tighter
Come on, come on - and the world's a little brighter


Posts: 5595 | From: Columbus, OH : The Soccer Capital of America | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Lainie
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by CitizenAim:
Tzarina,

This is kind of random, but your cat's face looks like Richard Gere's. Has anyone ever told you that?

Dear CitizenAim:

Thank you for publicly pointing out the resemblance between Richard Gere and certain cats. I once told my then-husband that one of our cats looked like Richard Gere. He not only did not see the resemblance, he thought I was delusional.

I am vindicated!!!!

Lainie

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How homophobic do you have to be to have penguin gaydar? - Lewis Black

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Bettie Page Turner
Happy Holly Days


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Dear chillas,
That sucks. Too bad you didn't have a bazooka handy. Or a flamethrower. BTW-how do you like your Mustang? I might be buying a car in the next year and the convertibles look pretty sweet.
Bettie "likes to travel topless" Page Turner

--------------------
You fail to consider, for such is the tyranny of fashion, that the swan is not a slim animal... -Jincy Kornhauser, Melinda Falling

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Wild.Otaku
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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Dear Landlord,

While we think you're the best and that you do fix problems eventually (at least when they're minor; major ones get fixed that day or the next), can I say one thing?

When you replace the tiles that fell off the bathtub wall, and regrouted, you forgot one key thing. Caulking.

See, there's a reason why you have to come out every year it seems to re-caulk the tub. It's because grout is not caulk!

So after your last repair job, I took it upon myself to get a tube of rubber silicone caulk and finish the job myself. Good thing I have experience in home repair that I can do it myself without messing it up.

Okay, I take that back. You can't see where I put too much unless you're looking closely since it's clear, but hey, it's caulked now.

Anyway, thanks for being good about the stuff we need. Hopefully we'll be staying a few more months until SO finally decides it's time to get a home of our own.

Your nearly maintenance-free tenants

--------------------
Tom, we're flying a giant robot into space! "Safe" isn't the first word that springs to mind! - Colleen, Last Hope, Vol.2

Posts: 2710 | From: Meet me in St. Louis | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
DawnStorm
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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Dear Self--
Get up off your lazy butt and clean the house!! Do you really want the county health department to condemn it as unfit for human habitation?

Dear Mark--
Excuse me for asking you to get the rest of the mulch, top soil and soil condition out of the trunk. You men have more strength and testosterone than we ladies and I've only just recovered the full use of my hands from the hauling I did on Sunday. Besides I don't want to end up like Mom, she of the bad back and the (now fixed) hernia that she no doubt acquired from years of heavy, should've-waited-unil-Dad-got-home-from-work-so-he-could-help-her lifting and moving of household furniture.

--------------------
Leashes?! We don't need no stinking leashes!!

Posts: 4771 | From: The Berkeley of the East Coast: Montgomery County MD | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Seaboe Muffinchucker
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by Casey, spraying whipped cream:
So this goofball was saying that Aaron doesn't actually hold the record?

No, he's talking about Barry Bonds approaching the Babe's record as if Hank never existed. He never mentions Hank, but keeps talking about the Babe's record.

Seaboe

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Education is not the filling of a hard drive, but the lighting of a bulb. -- Yeats via Esprise Me

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DawnStorm
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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Dear e-mailers of the world (but not on the Snopes message board [Wink] ):
This little bit of alleged humor is at least 4 years old! Please stop sending it to everyone and his dog. IT'S NOT FUNNY and it sure as hell ain't new and original!!

--------------------
Leashes?! We don't need no stinking leashes!!

Posts: 4771 | From: The Berkeley of the East Coast: Montgomery County MD | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Jay Temple
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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quote:
Originally posted by Bettie Page Turner:
Bettie "likes to travel topless" Page Turner

If snopes tracked the number of people who looked at your profile, yours would probably have gone through the roof by now.

--------------------
"Well, it looks we're on our own ... again."--Rev. Lovejoy

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FrogFeathers
Grandma Got Run Over By a Gift Card


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Dear Self,

It is a silly chick flick that you've seen before. And you're not even really watching, the TV's just on while you're on the computer. And you know they'll get together at the end, stupid. Stop getting teary-eyed!

*sniffle*

~Love, Me

--------------------
"Is it ME? Am I a MAGNET for these idiots?"~Pearl Forrester MST3K
Die-Hard Engineers, Big Red One my Dad's website
"Must be a 'snopes' thing..." ~my entire family when I try to explain something.

Posts: 4524 | From: South of Madison, Wisconsin | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Loyhargil
We Three Blings


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Dear random folks,

Oh, I know you mean well, but dang it, quit asking questions we don't know the answer to yet! When I know something, I'll tell you! Asking in the interim just makes things more agitated.

Me

--------------------
Bender: Oh cruel fate, to be thusly boned. Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee.

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paisley claus
We Three Blings


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quote:
Originally posted by Lainie:
quote:
Originally posted by CitizenAim:
Tzarina,

This is kind of random, but your cat's face looks like Richard Gere's. Has anyone ever told you that?

Dear CitizenAim:

Thank you for publicly pointing out the resemblance between Richard Gere and certain cats. I once told my then-husband that one of our cats looked like Richard Gere. He not only did not see the resemblance, he thought I was delusional.

I am vindicated!!!!

Lainie

Hooray I am not crazy either!!!!
When I was younger we were visiting my dad's Amish cousins, and walking around looking at the animals. They had two pigs, and one had little squinty eyes and looked just. like. Richard. Gere. (and I was familiar with him at that age because my mom luuuuurved him) [Wink]

I am so glad I'm not the only one that has seen that!

--------------------
"Oh, now we're going to start judging each other on things we've done?? Real fair!"

Posts: 1114 | From: Cincinnati, OH | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Tzarina
Xboxing Day


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Dear CitizenAim, Lainie and paisley,

SHHHHHH. Don't tell King Lex that he looks like someone famous. He's already impossible, if he gets stardom Diva stuff going on, I'll have to move out.

Lex does have some major league squinty eyes though. He came to DH as a stray and had bad eye infections in both eyes when he got here. His eyes are usually closed to slits if there is any light. He only opens them in the dark.

Posts: 1359 | From: Akron, Ohio | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
NewZer0
Happy Holly Days


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Dear Mom,

You said you'd call at the halfway point. It's nearly 4:30 P.M., surely you've reached the halfway point by now? I mean, in theory, if you actually left at 6 (which I know would never acutally happen in a million bazillion years), you should be here by now.

I'm hungry and want to take a shower, but don't want to miss your call. C'mon already!

Love, your daughter

--------------------
I study medieval literature because that's where the money is.

Posts: 1431 | From: Corvallis, OR | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Spamamander in a pear tree
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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Dear right eye-

Why the NFBSK did you decide to develop a small corneal ulcer today of all days? I'm trying to get ready for the Snopes meet tomorrow and I can't drive... hell I can't even make this post without beinng in screaming pain. Hubby is going to go get my meds here shortly, but who knows how long it will take for the irritation to go down enough to make a differece. I look like a freak of nature with one eye almost swollen shut and draining tears all over the place, and I won't be able to wear a contact in that eye for several days. (I don't own any glasses!) IF I can manage to drive tomorrow with lopsided vision I'll still be swollen and won't have a haircut, dye job, or my brows done. Oh yay.

Spamamander, wanting to have a spoon meets eye moment.

--------------------
"There is a race between mankind and the universe. Mankind is trying to build bigger, better, faster, and more foolproof machines. The universe is trying to build bigger, better, and faster fools. So far the universe is winning." -Albert Einstein

Posts: 1058 | From: Yakima, WA | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Kitsune26
The First USA Noel


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Oh ow Spamander.
BTDT and it really is the pits.

--------------------
I'm as giddy as a Japanese school girl in an octopus tank.

Posts: 641 | From: Portland, Oregon | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
ange84
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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Dear Tuesday,
Please hurry up and come around, i really want to go home, i've been gone just under a month and i really want to see my bf and sleep in my own bed.
Ange

Dear assignments,
please write yourselves as i really can't be bothered. At the least please get a P on them cause i don';t feel like failing
Ange

Dear Lecturers,
please be nice when marking my assignments as i really couldn't be bothered writing them. 4.5 years straight studying as well as this final course being the same amount of work that would be done in a normal 15 week semester being condensed down to 9 weeks. Of course i'm going to write stuff thats a bit crap.
Ange

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Love is a sudden revelation: a kiss is always a discovery

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Barbara
Layaway in a Manger


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quote:
Originally posted by Kitsune26:
WARNING-THERE IS SWEARING. I AM JUST THAT FUSTRATED.

As am I. You're on a public board - act like it. If you can't post without using all the cusswords to express yourself, don't post.

Barbara "trash your own space if you must, but not everyone else's" Mikkelson

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Noemi
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Dear brain:

Yes, making bird toys out of all the scrap leather I have around the house is not a bad idea. The problem is that I have a bunch of other projects I have to get done and I don't need you distracting me.

Hold onto those ideas and we'll get to them in a bit, 'kay?

Your owner

--------------------
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
My blog, no guarantees about witty or intelligent content. My current projects.
Coveted Beads <---- our eBay store, new items being added somewhat regularly

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Manic Soprano
Deck the Malls


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quote:
Originally posted by Zorro:
Dear Manic,

So, when are you coming to Jersey? And where in Jersey are you going? [Wink]

Zorro

I've got a friend's wedding in mid June. It's in Toms River. Anything you can tell me about there?

--------------------
Tally ho with a bing and a bong and a buzz buzz buzz!

Posts: 234 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Zorro
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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It's down the shore. Check out the beach. [Smile] Go to Point Pleasant boardwalk, though, not Sleazeside, er, Seaside Heights. [Wink]

--------------------
"Seize the day! Make your lives extraordinary!"
-John Keating, "Dead Poets Society"

Posts: 2861 | From: New Jersey | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Manic Soprano
Deck the Malls


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Hey Zorro! Thanks for the tip! [Smile]

--------------------
Tally ho with a bing and a bong and a buzz buzz buzz!

Posts: 234 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
lavender blue
Jingle Bell Hock


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quote:
Originally posted by Zorro:
It's down the shore.

Funny, my friends and I spent 30 minutes at dinner today discussing this exact phrase, and how it's pretty much unique to NJ.

--------------------
catagenesis [evol]-evolution leading to decadence and decreased vigor.

Posts: 480 | From: New Jersey | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
FuzzDuckie
Happy Holly Days


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quote:
Originally posted by lavender blue:
quote:
Originally posted by Zorro:
It's down the shore.

Funny, my friends and I spent 30 minutes at dinner today discussing this exact phrase, and how it's pretty much unique to NJ.
It is and I think its a PA term too as I grew up in PA. Growing up we always referred to Ocean City NJ as "down the shore". My grandmother had a house there that each of her children and their family would go to as did she. My family never made it to Ocean City til August because of the Swim Team season from June to end of July.

I miss the shore and I miss that house. Its no longer there- my oldest cousin once went back in the late 80s I think...after Nana had died and the kids sold the house... House was torn down and it was a vacant lot [Frown] No idea what's there now... [Frown]

:::mmm...sweet memories of the boardwalk...the beach and that house & the smells...::: I want to relive it again.

--------------------
Clever Waste of Time Invasion IV
An unique Riddle adventure.
PM me for more info. I'm on Brain Candy.
Purple Hell- Riddle Tools

Posts: 1551 | From: Georgia | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
NewZer0
Happy Holly Days


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Dear Life,

Just let be happy, okay? Why must every event be frought with so many emotions? Why can't I just be happy?

--Me

--------------------
I study medieval literature because that's where the money is.

Posts: 1431 | From: Corvallis, OR | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Elphaba Fabala Elphie Fae
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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Dear Self,
Congratulations! After all that stressing and crying and thinking depriciating thoughts about yourself, you managed to keep that scholarship after all. Though I'll never know how you managed that B in physical science (I'll forever remain convinced that that one was an act of God), all that hard work finally paid off! Now you can stop stressing and enjoy your short respite before summer classes start. So remember to NOT STRESS about the little things for at least the next couple of weeks. Also remember that you're supposed to be having fun. You are in college. Try not to take everything so seriously.

Sincerely,
An Extremely Elated Elphaba

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The Wicked Witch of the West was FRAMED!

Posts: 201 | From: Orlando, FL | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
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