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» Hello snopes.com » SLC Central » Rantidote » Letters You Wish You Could Send--May 2006 (Page 2)

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Author Topic: Letters You Wish You Could Send--May 2006
Avril
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Dear Self,

Don't be too hard on yourself for not being as prepared for your exams as you'd like. It's been a whirlwind of a semester, and really you should be pleased to have done so well up till now, regardless. You know things will be O.K. You've passed your classes and no matter what your GPA will still be stellar. Relax.

In any case, Dr. C. told you you're getting an A+ in his class this semester, and that 4.3 for those three hours will cover a multitude of sins, as it were.

Now, this doesn't mean you're off the hook for studying! You've only got one more day of this nonsense and then you can live the life of a normal human for a while. I know you don't like cramming, but you have no choice. Hit the books, and stay away from snopes until it's all over.

Sincerely,
Your frazzled, depressed, run-down, not-so-sick-anymore self

--------------------
There is no failure unless one stops. --Ray Bradbury

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Seanette
Jingle Bell Hock


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Dear AppleOne,
Please let's get me going soon so I can show off how great I am! I like that you're feeling competitive with other services I'm signed up with, and I appreciate the raves over my skills testing.
Just get me working soon and steadily and we'll both be very happy.
Love,
The newly registered associate

Posts: 486 | From: Sacramento, California | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Kitsune26
The First USA Noel


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Dear company I interviewed with,
Might I make a suggestion ?
When you post a job, perhapse you should provide an accurate description.
The posting stated that the job was inbound call center, minimal outbound with a salary of $9.50 per hour, essentially entering data. Fine, that's what I'm looking for.
The actual job-outbound cold calling at minimum wage, with commission provided with every customer that comes in and buys a car. And we'll be meeting with the customers when they come in.
So, given that little switch, I'm not really feeling all that enthusiastic about working for you. Honestly, if I wanted to sell cars, I'd apply for a postion as a car salesperson.
Jennifer

--------------------
I'm as giddy as a Japanese school girl in an octopus tank.

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Seanette
Jingle Bell Hock


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Dear Kitsune,
BTDT, hope the other interview works out better. I wouldn't want to work for an employer that pulled a bait-and-switch on prospective employees. What are they likely to do to customers?
Seanette

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monkey
Happy Holly Days


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Dear Avril,
I'm glad you're feeling better! And lucky you - only one day of finals left! You're almost free! My finals start on Monday and I've still got three huge projects to finish this week. Good luck finishing up your exams!
-monkey

Dearest husband,
I appreciate that you like the sound of your engine, and I understand that you enjoy showing off by revving it up sometimes. And I totally get that what you did today was an oops, blond moment type thing. But honey, we really did not need the hassle of having to get the bumper fixed because when we pulled into the parking space at Rib Crib, you decided to press on the gas and impress me without first putting the car into Park! I'm not frustrated with you, because I know how you love that car, and I know you certainly didn't mean to ram into the curb, causing the bumper to get stuck and then come halfway off when we backed up. I am, however, frustrated with the situation, and with the hassle of taking the car back to the mechanic to sort out something so silly. I have to admit though, that when I'm finished being frustrated, this is going to be such a fun story to tell your car-loving buddies! I love you,
wifey

--------------------
http://sarahdwebber.wordpress.com/

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Kitsune26
The First USA Noel


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Sad thing is Seanette, I applied with them because I worked with someone that used to work for the company and she said they were over all a pretty good company to work for.
But yeah, I hope the interview tomorrow goes a bit better. It's a longer commute, but the job seems pretty straight forward.

--------------------
I'm as giddy as a Japanese school girl in an octopus tank.

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Seanette
Jingle Bell Hock


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I do sympathize, having had the occasional surprise in an interview (such as experience requirements not mentioned in the listing).
Posts: 486 | From: Sacramento, California | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Elphaba Fabala Elphie Fae
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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Dear Migraine,
Why must you torment me? I have to work today, out in the bright sunshine and heat, and the pain and nausea that come with you are not gonna cut it. I've tried everything I know to get you to vacate the premises of my head. You were already here once this week, is that not enough? Please, please, please...cut me a break. I need this job and can't afford to be vomiting on the guests on my second day.

Your reluctant host,
Elphaba

--------------------
The Wicked Witch of the West was FRAMED!

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diehard
Deck the Malls


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Dear sinuses and allergies:
You are such a pain I am all swollen in the face and nothing seems to make a difference. If I sneeze one more time I think my head is going to explode. Trees and flowers you are so pretty but your pollen doesn't help isn't there someone out there that can fix all of you Love diehard (must not be what the name says as I am ready to wrap this season up already). [Eek!] [Eek!]

--------------------
Daddy "You are my "Special Angel" 1942-1999"

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Mouse
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Dear Brain:

You've picked a nice time to be shot to hell, finals week. I'm only grateful that I've done well enough in my classes that even if you completely turn on me, I won't be completely screwed.

Signed,
Disatisfied Owner

Dear family,

I know we've got financial troubles and you can't afford a three hour drive to bring me home but I'm still sad that I won't get to come home for my birthday. I understand it can't be helped but it's still a serious bummer.

Love,
Sad Girl

Dear hands,

What the hell is it going to take to get this dye off faster?

Signed,
Disatisfied Owner

--------------------
"You see? The mysteries of the Universe are revealed when you break stuff." Coop from MegasXLR

"I distrust who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." -- Susan B. Anthony

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paisley claus
We Three Blings


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Dear Neighbor Guy:

Wow, thanks SO much for subjecting us to your rooftop concert last night.

It was really thoughtful to bring your electric guitar and amp up to the rooftop porch and play the first 10 bars (supa loud!) from every cliched rock n' roll guitar song. All you missed was Stairway to Heaven.

And it's so cool that you don't seem to know a single song all the way through! Why waste your time with the full SONG when you can just do a sampling intro-riff instead!

I'm sure the ONE guy that was up on the deck with you watching was thoroughly impressed with his private concert. Lucky us, the rest of the neighborhood got to hear it too! Gee, thanks!

As much as we enjoyed your antics (and thanks for calling me a bitch when all I yelled was "Not everyone wants to hear you!!"), if you continue trying to make sure everyone in the neighborhood knows you play a little guitar, I will stop yelling out my window and pick up the phone to report a noise disturbance!

That would make a great encore!!

Sincerely,
Your newest enemy

--------------------
"Oh, now we're going to start judging each other on things we've done?? Real fair!"

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ringotaku
I Saw Three Shipments


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Dear Self,
Seriously. You know you need to pass this class to get your degree. You are so close. I know it's been several years since you had a class that started at 8 AM but please pay attention to the lectures. And learn the freakin' subnetting.

Dear certain People from the net,
Stop pissing me off. It's real easy. Not everyone likes brain-dead remarks. It doesn't matter if you were trying to make me laugh when you offend me I'm not the one who need to apologize. I can be happy but not when I have people who don't know me telling me "I am too serious. Just lighten up." How about I light up your pants?

--------------------
Just when you think you have all the answers, I change the questions.

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Seaboe Muffinchucker
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by Mouse:
Dear hands,

What the hell is it going to take to get this dye off faster?

Signed,
Disatisfied Owner

Removing the skin might do it, but it wouldn't be fun or very comfortable.

Seaboe

--------------------
Education is not the filling of a hard drive, but the lighting of a bulb. -- Yeats via Esprise Me

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The Year Without A SeaPea
Deck the Malls


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quote:
Originally posted by ringotaku:
How about I light up your pants?

What a great pick-up line! [lol]

And while I am here:

Dear co-worker,
Please, in the name of all that is good in the world, get yourself a cough drop.

Smiles,
SeaPea

--------------------
you can't fight biology...

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guruwan2b
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Dear self,
You really need to get photoshop. A 'shopped photo of the pirate on a box of cereal would look awesome right here......


guru

--------------------
Too much of this navel gazing and we'll disappear up our own arses.
Danvers Carew

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Kitsune26
The First USA Noel


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WARNING-THERE IS SWEARING. I AM JUST THAT FUSTRATED.
Dear douchebags,
It's bad enough that you pukes walked in and stole Joe and AJ's CDs, DVDs, and Game platforms. But to steal Joe's Shadowrun 4a, Blue Rose and companion book, Exalted books, plus his laptop with 75% of his work on it is ****in' shitty. Unlike you ****nutz, who will probabaly sell it for crappy drugs and/or beer, or play games on it, Joe uses it to create marvelous stories and helps write/develop RPG games that to make people happy.
And to make things even shittier, you ass-bites stole Joe's ritual tools. I can see the "really ****ing cool knife and swords," but what use are his Neophyte, First, and Second Degree cords to you. He earned those through many years of hard work and study. They are more than nifty rope-thingies.
Assholes!
You ransacted his alter for those. You touched sacred space! Would you walk your asses into a church and put your hands all over the alter there ? Piss in the baptismal font ?
Enjoy the shit you got from walking into someone's home while they slept and took things that have monetary value, but even greater personal value.
Sadly, even if you do get caught, you'll be out before anyone can blink an eye. The jails are just to overcrowded with meth freaks and alchoholics that pulled the same shit you did.
What's even sadder is that congratulations, you made two very nice and kind people loathe to live in their own home right now. The happiness they had is gone.
Ass-bites.

--------------------
I'm as giddy as a Japanese school girl in an octopus tank.

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NewZer0
Happy Holly Days


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Dear Mom,

Stop asking me for money. I just...jeez, how am I supposed to live, I don't have a job lined up for summer yet.

--Your Daughter

Dear Self,

Stop giving Mom money. You're a big girl, she's a big girl, you can say no.

--Me

--------------------
I study medieval literature because that's where the money is.

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TrishDaDish
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by guruwan2b:
Dear self,
You really need to get photoshop. A 'shopped photo of the pirate on a box of cereal would look awesome right here......


guru

Proving I still have way too much time on my hands, here's what I can come up with in 20 minutes - Snopes brand Guru's Pirate Cereal!

Edited for better picture quality

Trish "You want better? Then buy me Photoshop" DaDish

--------------------
I would prefer not to.
My blog

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Starla
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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Makes me wonder what all that white stuff really is! [Eek!] [Eek!] [Eek!]

--------------------
This used to be the life, but I don't need another one.
MyBandwagon

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TurquoiseGirl
The "Was on Sale" Song


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Starla, me too. [lol]

--------------------
There are people who drive really nice cars who feel that [those] cars won't be as special if other people drive them too. Where I come from, we call those people "selfish self-satisfied gits." -Chloe

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Mickey is a Hanukkah Bush
O Come Let Us Adore Sales


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Dear Squamous Cell Carcinoma,

WHY!? Why is it, that not even 2 months after Grandma is moved to an assisted living facility, she's moved to a hospice? Because of YOU, most of her left nostril is eaten away. Because of YOU, she's starting to get a little more out of it. YOU decided to progress into her brain. YOU decided to suck whatever life she had left. And you're sucking everyone else's energy, too.
My parents decided not to tell me how sick she is until my last final was done, because they knew it would make me physically ill to have that additional stress.

YOU SUCK, SQUAMOUS CELL CARCINOMA! YOU'RE TAKING MY GRANDMOTHER AWAY FROM ME! IT'S NOT FAIR, YOU NFBSKER!

- a tired, drained, upset granddaughter

--------------------
My mom, about my nervousness with Jeopardy!: "Don't worry about it. Just get drunk and you'll do fine."
Blog Just call me Mickey 2

Posts: 3295 | From: Radford, VA/Herndon, VA/Orlando, FL | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Kitsune26
The First USA Noel


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Dear Grandma,
I can understand. You're 90 and you're tired of being sick, and tired of forgetting things. You want it to be over, so you're just not going to eat or drink or take your meds.
But what I can't understand is why you won't let me come see you. Yeah, I'm the quiet grandkid that you don't see much of, but I still love you. I'd rather have that then anything else.
Jennie

--------------------
I'm as giddy as a Japanese school girl in an octopus tank.

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Starla
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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Dear L,

No, I don't think it's cool. In fact, I think it's a little sad. I'm not against modeling, and I am glad you seem to have more confidence in your appearance these days but I cannot get excited over your pictures being in a hotrod magazine. Those scantily-clad-girls-draped-all over-cars magazines have always bothered me. I remember fondly a conversation from long ago when we both ranted about how ridiculous they were.

Maybe I'm prude, that's fine. But I just can't get excited with you.

Truthfully,
Starla

--------------------
This used to be the life, but I don't need another one.
MyBandwagon

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monkey
Happy Holly Days


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Dear group (for class),
You guys completely rock. The stuff you wrote is amazing, and I'm going to have no problem putting things together and filling in the gaps. The last time I offered to compile everyone's work for a report (with a different group) I got good stuff from one person and five pages of blatant plagiarism from the other. I had to do 70% of the work myself. This report is going to be a breeze to put together because you guys worked so hard. I have really enjoyed being in a group with you this semester, and I'm really going to miss you guys! I've never been in a group that works so well together before. Thanks so much, you guys.
-monkey

--------------------
http://sarahdwebber.wordpress.com/

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Spamamander in a pear tree
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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Yarrgh Kitsune. If it wasn't for the fact that it would profane the tools, I would be very tempted to show these people what the element of air feels like shoved up their backside. Sharpened and sideways.

--------------------
"There is a race between mankind and the universe. Mankind is trying to build bigger, better, faster, and more foolproof machines. The universe is trying to build bigger, better, and faster fools. So far the universe is winning." -Albert Einstein

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Ms. Kringle
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Dear Me,

Stop with the staying up till 5, 6, and 7AM.

It got old as of last week. Now that we're on a week and a half of pretending to be a vampire, it's gotten REAL old.

We're going to bed around 11PM. And we are going to SLEEP, dammit. The house can wait until tomorrow to be cleaned. Cat boxes can be scooped and refilled tomorrow. The oil in the car can be changed....TOMORROW.

Don't even think about staying up to do just ONE more load of laundry, or dusting the bookshelves, or rearranging the bedroom. Not happening!

So, go to bed, get some sleep, and clean tomorrow.

Sincerely,
Me

--------------------
Beware corporate zombies! They will purchase your brain on E-Bay!

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Algae
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Dear Plankton's tooth:

Please come through. I don't think I can take another night like last night.

The Mommy

--------------------
Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Don't drink and derive!

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guruwan2b
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Dear Trish,
Thanks. Love it!
guru

--------------------
Too much of this navel gazing and we'll disappear up our own arses.
Danvers Carew

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ringotaku
I Saw Three Shipments


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quote:
Originally posted by SeaPea-Bee N Jay:
quote:
Originally posted by ringotaku:
How about I light up your pants?

What a great pick-up line! [lol]

Okay. Might be. I'll try it on some girls and see if it can be used that way too.

--------------------
Just when you think you have all the answers, I change the questions.

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Seaboe Muffinchucker
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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An actual letter sent:

Dear Morning Show DJ:

When Hank Aaron BROKE Babe Ruth's record in the 1970s, he faced all sorts of threats and violence because he, a black man, broke the record.

He retired in 1976 with 755 home runs.

He doesn't need jerks like you telling the world that the Babe still holds the record.

Now, I know you will ignore and/or dismiss this e-mail; I'm sure you get much worse. However, you
should really stop ignoring Hank, especially since he is still alive and The Babe is long since dead.

Seaboe

--------------------
Education is not the filling of a hard drive, but the lighting of a bulb. -- Yeats via Esprise Me

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Loyhargil
We Three Blings


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quote:
Originally posted by Seaboe Melonchucker:
An actual letter sent:

Dear Morning Show DJ:

When Hank Aaron BROKE Babe Ruth's record in the 1970s, he faced all sorts of threats and violence because he, a black man, broke the record.

He retired in 1976 with 755 home runs.

He doesn't need jerks like you telling the world that the Babe still holds the record.

Now, I know you will ignore and/or dismiss this e-mail; I'm sure you get much worse. However, you
should really stop ignoring Hank, especially since he is still alive and The Babe is long since dead.

Seaboe

*Massive Applause*

--------------------
Bender: Oh cruel fate, to be thusly boned. Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee.

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Seaboe Muffinchucker
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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Thank you, Loyhargil.

Mind you, this is actually a strange letter for me, since I am neither a racial activist nor a baseball fan in normal circumstances.

Seaboe

--------------------
Education is not the filling of a hard drive, but the lighting of a bulb. -- Yeats via Esprise Me

Posts: 5562 | From: Seattle, WA | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Bored and Dangerous
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Dear self:
I know you're tired. It's only because SO is sleeping in the same bed at nights because he's training on first shift, and he's a restless sleeper. It'll be over by the end of the week, and then you can get some real sleep.

Now, there's housework to be done. Get to it!

Love,
Your exhausted brain

Dear apartment complex:
Our freaking air conditioner keeps freezing up. How about you spend a little time to come fix it? It's not too bad now, but when it really hits summer it's gonna be bad in here, especially living on the second floor, and then I'll have to throw a fit.

Your beleagured tenant

--------------------
My blog

Watch?? I'm gonna pray, man! Know any good religions?--Zaphod Beeblebrox

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tribrats
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Dear computer,

Remember what I said about pulling that crap and what was going to happen? Well, its come to that. I'm pulling your hard-drive. I don't want to hear any complaining. Its for your own good. Its either that or me putting my foot through you. I have a nice 100 gig all formatted and ready to install. I know its smaller but its clean. And as I was typing this, you did it again. Enough is enough.

I'm sick of you freezing up. I'm sick of you causing errors. I'm tired of you switching programs on me. There is no need or reason for it. I've run scan after scan. I've checked every little application that may cause this. I'm tired of having to close 100 different programs just to shut down.

All your info will be safe. We will systematicly put the things back on your new, clean drive and see what happens.

Love,
your fed-up mom.

--------------------
Snopes is moving! Here's snopes' announcement.
Come here to re-register!

Posts: 2448 | From: New Hampshire | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Casey, making hot chocolate
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by Seaboe Melonchucker:
An actual letter sent:

Dear Morning Show DJ:

When Hank Aaron BROKE Babe Ruth's record in the 1970s, he faced all sorts of threats and violence because he, a black man, broke the record.

He retired in 1976 with 755 home runs.

He doesn't need jerks like you telling the world that the Babe still holds the record.

Now, I know you will ignore and/or dismiss this e-mail; I'm sure you get much worse. However, you
should really stop ignoring Hank, especially since he is still alive and The Babe is long since dead.

Seaboe

So this goofball was saying that Aaron doesn't actually hold the record? What the hell?

I can see debate over the season HR record- allegations of steroids by McGwire and Bonds- but Aaron has no such thing.

Beats me.

----

Dear K,

Feel better. If you need me, call. [Smile]

Love,
C

--------------------
"To be or not to be! That is the question! Now, will you answer, dare, double dare, or take the Physical Challenge?" --Mark Summers as Hamlet
Countdown: 177 days and counting... or less. My blog. 14 keyboards owed.

Posts: 5584 | From: Ohio | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
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