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» Hello snopes.com » SLC Central » Rantidote » Letters You Wish You Could Send--May 2006 (Page 15)

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Author Topic: Letters You Wish You Could Send--May 2006
Mouse
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Dear printer:

You suck worse than a thousand black holes. I see no reason why an empty yellow ink cartridge should hinder you from printing driving instructions.

You suck.

Sincerely,
Peeved Computer User

--------------------
"You see? The mysteries of the Universe are revealed when you break stuff." Coop from MegasXLR

"I distrust who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." -- Susan B. Anthony

Posts: 2246 | From: Oklahoma | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
ange84
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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Dear self,
Go to bed early tonight, you have to be up at 4:30am tomorrow and you need to make sure you have plenty of sleep behind you because by the time you get to the interview you will have already been up for 6 hours, not the best conditions for doing an interview, but thats what they organised. So tonight instead of watching house, go to bed, read your book for awhile and then sleep.

Dear little brother,
When you came home and started playing around with my laptop while you waited for me to get off the normal computer, where i was doing something mum had asked me to do, that was fine. When i got off the normal computer and you stayed on my laptop i got very annoyed. It's now about an hour later and your still not off. Get off my laptop dammit. Your lovely older sister who is ready to wring your neck
P.S. And next time you get annoyed at me, remember you loans you their car when your bike is out of commission for whatever reason so long as i don't need my car that day, you know like today and tomorrow and that time i was away and it was raining heavily.

--------------------
Love is a sudden revelation: a kiss is always a discovery

Posts: 902 | From: Australia | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Algae
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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quote:
Originally posted by Minstrel with cherries on top:
Dear Comcast,

High Speed Internet, my ass. I am going to be SO glad when I get to escape from the region held under your monopolizing thumb and go some place where the cable company might actually care about its customers!

With much annoyance,
The Minstrel who Hates Your Sporadic Service

Dear Minstrel:

Have I mentioned how much I love Monroe lately? Yeah, Monroe, with our 3 choices of cable providers... [Wink]

Okay, fine, they might not care about their customers, but at least we can threaten to switch.

Algae

--------------------
Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Don't drink and derive!

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DawnStorm
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by Minstrel with cherries on top:
Dear Comcast,

High Speed Internet, my ass. I am going to be SO glad when I get to escape from the region held under your monopolizing thumb and go some place where the cable company might actually care about its customers!

With much annoyance,
The Minstrel who Hates Your Sporadic Service

Ah, another satisfied customer! [Wink]
My brother cannot stand Comcast, and that is an understatement. It doesn't help that he sees their dirty underside as part of his job (in the county Consumer Affairs office).
***********************************
Dear Left Ankle:
Please accept my profound apologies for stepping in a chuckhole in the yard on Sunday and hurting you. You've already been through so much: numerous twists, at least two major sprains, and a countless number of mis-placed steps. At least I can walk and put weight on it, but for your sake, I will continue to wear a support. Also know that the hole has been filled up.

--------------------
Leashes?! We don't need no stinking leashes!!

Posts: 4771 | From: The Berkeley of the East Coast: Montgomery County MD | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Bettie Page Turner
Happy Holly Days


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Canuckistan,
A PM is headed your way. And just remember...you asked for it. [Razz]
Bettie

--------------------
You fail to consider, for such is the tyranny of fashion, that the swan is not a slim animal... -Jincy Kornhauser, Melinda Falling

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Jay Temple
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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quote:
Originally posted by Minstrel with cherries on top:
Dear Comcast,

High Speed Internet, my ass. I am going to be SO glad when I get to escape from the region held under your monopolizing thumb and go some place where the cable company might actually care about its customers!

With much annoyance,
The Minstrel who Hates Your Sporadic Service

Don't move to St. Louis, then. We have the same crappy service under Charter's monopolizing thumb, although it's more the cable service that's crappy than the Internet service. That's why there was a bill or referendum (I forget because I haven't heard it advertised in a while) that would have ended the monopoly. Strangely enough, Comcast has been advertising here, I guess in the hopes that the bill would pass.

--------------------
"Well, it looks we're on our own ... again."--Rev. Lovejoy

Posts: 3572 | From: St. Louis, MO | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Loyhargil
We Three Blings


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Dear God,
Oh, thank you so much for letting Dad's surgery go so well! Bless Dr. Schwabbe, she rocks!
Love,
Loy

Dear Dad,
We're very proud, you're a tough old' bugger. You looked better after surgery than before, which considering how major it was, it quite an accomplishment. But don't push it. They'll let you get up and walk around today, but watch all those tubes, all right? Quit tryin' to pull 'em out. Losing a part of a lung is nothing to sneeze at (pun intended). Rest up, and get better.
I love you, Dad.
Loy

Dear ex,
You can get pissy with me all you want, but I'm just telling you what a licensed mental health professional said. Call her and confirm. Sue me if you must. But think about what is best for your kid, not for you.
Not so much love,
Loy

--------------------
Bender: Oh cruel fate, to be thusly boned. Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee.

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Don Enrico
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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quote:
Originally posted by Bettie Page Turner:
Canuckistan,
A PM is headed your way. And just remember...you asked for it. [Razz]
Bettie

Hey! Not fair! What about all the others?

[Wink]

Don "me too!" Enrico

--------------------
My spelling is Wobbly. It's good spelling, but it Wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong places. - Pooh Bear

Posts: 2209 | From: Hamburg, Germany | Registered: Oct 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Tzarina
Xboxing Day


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Dear Sister,

Even if we're not the best of friends, I still love you. And I love my nephew. He's a darling little boy, but he needs help. I know you want to think of him as perfect, and he is. He's a sweet loving little boy. But, he's got some kind of problem. This temper thing, and the things he says frighten me. He's just 5, but what I hear from him bothers me.

The doc said to take him to a therapist. She mentioned the word intervention. She wants to see him get help now, before he does something that will really get him into trouble.

No one wants to hear that their little one needs some help, I know that. But I grew up with mom burying her head in the sand about my bipolar disorder, I didn't get real help until I was an adult and had my own insurance. You have no idea what it is to grow up with this and have no help and no one to turn to. Help him. Please.

Love,
Little Sis

Posts: 1359 | From: Akron, Ohio | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
DawnStorm
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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Dear loud, rasta-looking guy on the Metro this morning: what is your malfunction? [Confused] First you were speaking loudly to no one that I could see (granted you were at the other end of the car), then you went up the down esclator when you got off at the Archives stop. What's the rush?

Signed, confused commuter.

--------------------
Leashes?! We don't need no stinking leashes!!

Posts: 4771 | From: The Berkeley of the East Coast: Montgomery County MD | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
LizzyJingleBells
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Dan,

Wow, you just don't get it, do you? It's over between us. It's been over for months. You swore you cared, but you'd go weeks without talking to me. The last time we talked, I told you that I'd found someone. I reminded you that you were living with someone, and yet you persist. I told you it was time to move on and let go. Why can't you? I love who I'm with. I can't have anything to do with you because I know that you can't just be friends.

You say you love me. But you never showed it. I don't love you. Please let go and move on, and leave me alone. Asking me out to dinner was not cool. It's not going to happen. Go away.

Liz

--------------------
Come on, come on, we were once upon a time in love
If the only prayer you say in your life is thank you, that would suffice. - Meister Eckhart My Blog

Posts: 7725 | From: Columbus, Ohio | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Casey, making hot chocolate
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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Dear R,

If you'd send those parts I ordered, it would really be great... I'm 90% done with that custom I'm building but it can't be done without pin stock!

S&S

Dear K,

*hug*

C

--------------------
"To be or not to be! That is the question! Now, will you answer, dare, double dare, or take the Physical Challenge?" --Mark Summers as Hamlet
Countdown: 177 days and counting... or less. My blog. 14 keyboards owed.

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TrishDaDish
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by DawnStorm:
Dear loud, rasta-looking guy on the Metro this morning: what is your malfunction? [Confused] First you were speaking loudly to no one that I could see (granted you were at the other end of the car), then you went up the down esclator when you got off at the Archives stop. What's the rush?

Signed, confused commuter.

Once again, Rasta Jesus walks amoungst His people, and no one knows Him...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Ma,

Get better in the hospital. Drink them fluids, eat them meals, watch that t.v. Don't worry that Rory and I are falling apart at home. I am quite capable of cooking meals and taking Rory out for walkies. Ok, we stayed up til 1 in the morning watching Britcoms and Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle, but that's hardly like having a wild kegger orgy while you're gone. Neither are we standing around looking at each other in a confused state. Please give me a little credit, I am 35. And as Riverwood is quick to mention, "higher functioning"! (Sounds like I'm friggin' Data when they say that!)

You get better with your wound, and I'll see if I can get in a visit to you somehow tonight.

Love, Trish

--------------------
I would prefer not to.
My blog

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FrogFeathers
Grandma Got Run Over By a Gift Card


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Dear Spouse,

Stop yelling at me over money issues. We have three kids. They're expensive. And its not like our kids are spoiled rotten. They don't get hardly anything compared to their friends, who seem to get everything. We spend money to feed and house and clothe them. That's right, they need new clothes from time to time.

Yelling at me, then turning around and giving me the silent treatment over the money issues isn't a good idea. You spend money too. Need I remind you of all the tools in your shop? That wood you use to build the stuff- it isn't free either, buddy.

Don't you dare yell at the kids today over the money issues. They aren't the ones causing gas prices to be nearly 3 bucks a gallon, they aren't the ones who are causing anything. All they are doing is eating food (how dare they!) and wearing clothes. Unless you'd like your soon-to-be 13 year old girl dressing like a skank in too-small hand-me-downs, you have to get off my case when I have to get them new clothes. She is not the same size as Kat. Kat got lucky in the genetic dice-roll with a skinny body; CJ got "blessed" in other ways and lo and behold, she has her mother's curves. She cannot wear the same shirts that Kat wore at her age. They do not fit!

Get over it. And if you raise your voice to me one more time, you'll hear this out loud:

Kiss my ass, jerk.

Your loving wife, Patty

--------------------
"Is it ME? Am I a MAGNET for these idiots?"~Pearl Forrester MST3K
Die-Hard Engineers, Big Red One my Dad's website
"Must be a 'snopes' thing..." ~my entire family when I try to explain something.

Posts: 4524 | From: South of Madison, Wisconsin | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Aud
We Three Blings


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Dear self,
It has been very kind of you not to take satisfaction in the misfortunes of other. However, today I think it is okay. You've been down for a few days and don't know why. For once, just knowing that there are worse places that you aren't is a good thing. Buck up. You might not have much money or time but you've got a couple of really good people in your life.
Love,
Aud

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DawnStorm
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by TrishDaDish:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by DawnStorm:
[qb] Rasta Jesus walks amoungst His people, and no one knows Him...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[lol]
You owe me oxygen!

Dear Mr. Frog Feathers: I guess you expect your kids to walk around in their birthday suits and starve? Ooookaaaayyy. [Roll Eyes]

--------------------
Leashes?! We don't need no stinking leashes!!

Posts: 4771 | From: The Berkeley of the East Coast: Montgomery County MD | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
LizzyJingleBells
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Mom,

When I call you in a super messed up mood, the answer to "I'm feeling really bad and need someone to talk to" is not "just go take a walk or sing really loud," and then launching into forty five minutes of talking about yourself. I swear, woman, you just don't get it. Thank the gods I was able to talk to Dad after that. He was the one I wanted on the phone in the first place.

And you wonder why I don't come to you with my problems.

Your kid

--------------------
Come on, come on, we were once upon a time in love
If the only prayer you say in your life is thank you, that would suffice. - Meister Eckhart My Blog

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FrogFeathers
Grandma Got Run Over By a Gift Card


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Dear Dawn,

Here is the following conversation while at the grocery store:

Me: I have to get some snack stuff for the kids. *picks up "Cheezit" crackers*

DH: Why? They're just gonna eat it.

Me: Isn't that what snacks are for? To eat?

DH: *pauses, slight smirk* Not anymore, they're for lookin' at.

I wish I could have [fish] him. [lol]

~FF

--------------------
"Is it ME? Am I a MAGNET for these idiots?"~Pearl Forrester MST3K
Die-Hard Engineers, Big Red One my Dad's website
"Must be a 'snopes' thing..." ~my entire family when I try to explain something.

Posts: 4524 | From: South of Madison, Wisconsin | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Jay Temple
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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Dear Cardinal broadcasters, both radio and TV: A play that goes against the Cardinals is not a "nice" play. It is not a "great" play. And it most certainly is not a "beautiful" play. In addition to your choice of adjectives, it is not an occasion for you to sound happy!

Dear Cardinal radio broadcasters: In addition to what I just said, the only thing worse than a Cardinal out or an opposing player safe is when it happens after you've told me the opposite. Don't call it a hit until it's a hit, darn it!

--------------------
"Well, it looks we're on our own ... again."--Rev. Lovejoy

Posts: 3572 | From: St. Louis, MO | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
simone
Deck the Malls


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Dear French health system,
I don't care what you say. I already had all my shots. I don't need to get boosters every 10 years. And I certainly didn't need one today. Now my shoulder hurts. I hate you.

Dear shoulder,
I know you didn't want the shot. I didn't either. Stop hurting - you're only making it worse.

Posts: 293 | From: Los Angeles | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
the Virgin Marrya
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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Dear Marrya Junior's Teacher

Last night I read the following in my kid's newsbook:
[quote]
Today at school I learned an important lesson.
Don't put blackboard chalk in the fish tank.
Don't keep a chocolate frog in your pocket.
Don't throw food when the teacher is watching.
Don't make paper darts you could poke someone in the eye.
Don't open that window, or the wind will blow the headmasters wig off
And don't throw water balloons at the teacher.


I phoned you [to apolgiese? to ask what happened today? to ?? I don't know what?] ... and it turns out it's the words to a song you taught them!

You had me worried [although also kind of impressed] for a minute !

You got me, and boy! You got me good!

--------------------
Windows cannot open this file. To open this file correctly, defenestrate, then try running the file again...

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Colonel Zoidberg
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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Dear Rocco (my Siamese cat):

I have a functional alarm clock. I don't need you to nibble on my toes to wake me up every morning. I also don't need you to put me to sleep by laying on my chest and licking my nose. But you're a big goof, so I love you.

P.S. I have serious doubts about your whole theory about you being a mountain lion.


Dear Lily (my Yorkie):

You're not much better a lot of the time. I know you have to prove you're bigger than everyone else, but that doesn't extend to competing with Rocco for who can be a better alarm clock. Just like I don't need my toes nibbled on, I don't need my nose licked to wake up.

Your Gramama, my MIL, was right about this much: Terriers are known foor two things. Terriers have a major case of big-dog attitude and a serious tendency to lick things.


Dear Marc (my best friend):

Sorry, but Lily's still eating better than you are. She gets chicken, chips, pizza toppings, and even popsicles. So your quip about how my dog is eating better than you still holds true.

Posts: 105 | From: Columbus, OH | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Minstrel gone caroling
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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Dear Frog_Feathers,

Couldn't you have at least thrown a box of frozen fish sticks at him?

Minstrel

--------------------
Last year's goat was burned down by vandals dressed up as Santa Claus and the Gingerbread Man. They were never caught.
My blog. The Adventures of the Fish O'Thwacking.
Countdown: 177 days (or less!)

Posts: 4926 | From: NW Ohio | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Ms. Kringle
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Dear Local Stations And Sports Channels,

No, just because I live in Southern California, that does NOT mean I want to watch the Angels, the Dodgers, the Padres, the Giants, or the A's.

I WANT to watch the Red Sox, dammit. I've been a fan since I was 12, dammit.

Next year, I'm getting around you. I'm getting the MLB package.

Sincerely,

Frustrated Red Sox Fan

--------------------
Beware corporate zombies! They will purchase your brain on E-Bay!

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FrogFeathers
Grandma Got Run Over By a Gift Card


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Dear Minstrel,

I'll have to settle for a package of chicken nuggets. I'll get him when he wakes up and goes for his morning coffee. An excellent spot for a frozen-food ambush. Its near the fridge and it has an easy escape route.

T-minus 54 minutes till chick-o-thwacking commences.

~Agent FrogFeathers


What? Can you tell I'm bored? [Big Grin]
[fish]

--------------------
"Is it ME? Am I a MAGNET for these idiots?"~Pearl Forrester MST3K
Die-Hard Engineers, Big Red One my Dad's website
"Must be a 'snopes' thing..." ~my entire family when I try to explain something.

Posts: 4524 | From: South of Madison, Wisconsin | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Don Enrico
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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quote:
Originally posted by Marrya:
Dear Marrya Junior's Teacher

Last night I read the following in my kid's newsbook:
[quote]
Today at school I learned an important lesson.
Don't put blackboard chalk in the fish tank.
Don't keep a chocolate frog in your pocket.
Don't throw food when the teacher is watching.
Don't make paper darts you could poke someone in the eye.
Don't open that window, or the wind will blow the headmasters wig off
And don't throw water balloons at the teacher.


I phoned you [to apolgiese? to ask what happened today? to ?? I don't know what?] ... and it turns out it's the words to a song you taught them!

You had me worried [although also kind of impressed] for a minute !

You got me, and boy! You got me good!

Dear Marrya,

does that mean your kid's school teaches them kids about how to throw food when the teacher isn't watching?


OMG! What have we come to?!!! Call the school board! Start an online-petition!!!

Don [Wink] Enrico

--------------------
My spelling is Wobbly. It's good spelling, but it Wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong places. - Pooh Bear

Posts: 2209 | From: Hamburg, Germany | Registered: Oct 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Loyhargil
We Three Blings


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Cancerous Waffles

--------------------
Bender: Oh cruel fate, to be thusly boned. Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee.

Posts: 1170 | From: Iowa | Registered: Aug 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Loyhargil
We Three Blings


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Dear Cancer,
You suck.
No love,
Loy


Dear Dad,

Well, there are worse things than chemo. It's disappointing they found more cancer in the pathology on the section of lung, but you're still considered stage 1 and you can beat this.

And hey, the older you get, the more you look like your dad, who was a bald and handsome Swede. If you go bald from chemo, you'll look that much more like him! And Grandpa beat cancer at your age, and that was over 40 years ago. You can do it, too, with all the new treatments available.

We'll get you home soon and you can relax and start to feel like yourself again, I promise.

I love you, Dad.

Loy


Dear Mom,

I love you, Mom. You're a rock through everything. You had to watch your dad fight lung disease, and now Dad fight lung cancer. I can't even imagine, especially when the medication makes Dad not be himself. You and Dad will get through this, and you'll go home to the house you worked so hard to build together, and it'll be okay.

Love,

Puggins


Dear Self,
Okay, cancer and type II diabetes through one side of the family, and heart disease, lung disease, and kidney failure on the other. You turn 34 Monday. Get your freaking health in order NOW. If not for you, for your kid. She's got cancer on both sides of the family now, among a myriad of other health issues. Set a good example for her. Crimeny, you lazy slob.
Me

--------------------
Bender: Oh cruel fate, to be thusly boned. Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee.

Posts: 1170 | From: Iowa | Registered: Aug 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
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