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» Hello snopes.com » SLC Central » Rantidote » Letters You Wish You Could Send--May 2006 (Page 11)

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Author Topic: Letters You Wish You Could Send--May 2006
tribrats
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Dear Sis,

I'm glad for both of you over R's possible job offer. It really sounds great. And if that is what both of you really want, I hope he gets it. I'm sorry if I don't really sound overly thrilled. I am. Its just that you two are such a big part of our lives, I can't imagine you living that far away. Its not like South Carolina is just down the road.

I do hope you realize that unless you come up, we won't be seeing you much. If I won't go the 3 hour drive up to where Dad and Ev plan to retire, there is no way I'm traveling that far. I'm sorry to say it but I doubt we would ever come down. I don't travel. I just don't like it. You know that. But you need to do what you feel is best for you guys.

Love,
Me

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Posts: 2448 | From: New Hampshire | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Ms. Kringle
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Dear Ex-Husbands of Lainie, 4Kitties, and me, if I think about it long enough,

Drop dead.

Sincerely,

Ms. 'would rather he disappeared off the face of the earth, preferably painfully' K

--------------------
Beware corporate zombies! They will purchase your brain on E-Bay!

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KnightLife
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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~ To the 2 people who called me THREE times each:

  • First time, sorry, private residence, wrong number.
  • Second time, I ask what number you're calling, say, "yes, that's my number but this is a private residence," listen to you blame the operator, and hang up.
  • Third time... I have to re-reiterate that this is a private residence and add that I've had that phone number for 16 years before you realize that. You. Have. The. Wrong. Number?!?!

I'd tell you to drop dead, but as the place you were trying to reach serves horrible food, you're probably already on your way to doing just that.

~ The irate person who is shutting off the ringer


~ To the person who started speaking to "Laura" (who?!) via my answering machine and ended up yelling gibberish and therefore waking me up...

I can only hope that "Laura" wasn't needing to take life-saving medication, and that she has a VERY good volume control on her phone. I also hope you develop laryngitis after THAT lil' shout-fest.

~ The tired and grumpy person who is shutting off the answering machine

(ET change the post's icon to something less cheerful)

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HU-man : (n.) a labor-saving device popular with cats.

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the Virgin Marrya
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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Sleazy bloke stalking me in chat:

No, I do not 'belong' to you. No, you cannot order other people not to talk to me because you think I'm your property.
No, I am not interested in you. See that part where I bring my husband, to whom I'm joyously married, into the conversation ALL the time? that part? that should hint to you that IF I was inclined to be anyone's property, I have already filled that vacancy.
I am so waiting for you to say something in open chat instead of hiding in PMs where you think I won't notice. I got me a can of whupass, and I'm itching to open it!

Marry "phew! Forgot how good that feels!" ya

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Windows cannot open this file. To open this file correctly, defenestrate, then try running the file again...

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RangerDog
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Dear Marrya,
Push the ignore button. Then *out* him in the room. "You want me to do WHAT to you with a plunger???"

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Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish

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Thordis
Deck the Malls


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Dear Thierry,

Thank you for staying

A relieved football fan

--------------------
Daria: "I almost killed a dog today"
Jane: "Gonna work your way up to humans slowly?"

Posts: 385 | From: UK | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Casey, making hot chocolate
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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Dear bank account,

Money's coming. Feel better?

C

--------------------
"To be or not to be! That is the question! Now, will you answer, dare, double dare, or take the Physical Challenge?" --Mark Summers as Hamlet
Countdown: 177 days and counting... or less. My blog. 14 keyboards owed.

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mgbdriver
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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Dear new District Manager:
You are a jerk. The store was 34 hours under allotment and we need to cut more? Sacrificing customer service is not the way to increase the bottom line.
Oh, and don't talk to me like I'm a sixteen-year-old trainee who knows nothing about how businesses run. I was managing a $4 million carpet store when you were a toddler. Jerk.
You expect me to do 45 hours worth of work in 40 hours, or punch out and work for free. I can sit on the toilet and expect 20-dollar bills to come out of my ass, but that won't happen either. Jerk.
One more thing: Thanks for sending me home with a broken game it would have taken me 20 minutes to repair. I'm glad to know that the $10 overtime was more important than me repairing a game that would have gotten 1000+ plays over the weekend.
Oh, did I mention you're a jerk?

Your very pissed-off Tech Manager

--------------------
"Chuck E. Cheese called. They want their band back."

my blog
Help me clean my basement!

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Para
Deck the Malls


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To both my eyes,

What's with the twitching? What is that? And why does it migrate back and forth between you? It's been THREE days now, and I'd like it very much if you could both quit it now!

The person who lives behind you.

--------------------
"But what of the golden spider-duck and the squat crimson pig?"

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Robofication, Lightly Roasted
Jingle Bell Hock


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Dear Brain,

I hate you. Stop being sick.

The person you destroy.

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"As convenient as it may be, it's time I started taking responsibility for the messes I've created instead of always blaming everything on the law of entropy"

Posts: 453 | From: Denver, CO | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Zorro
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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Dear Tree Pollen,

HA! It rained like crazy today! We're talking thunder and lightning, buckets of rain coming down so hard it made driving difficult! Take THAT, you NFBSKing tree pollen! Go the NFBSK away!

*cackles with glee*

Not Love,
Zorro


Dear writers of "ER",

My insomnia last night and I both hate your guts. May the fleas of a thousand camels...well, you know the drill.

Hatefully and tiredly,
Zorro

--------------------
"Seize the day! Make your lives extraordinary!"
-John Keating, "Dead Poets Society"

Posts: 2861 | From: New Jersey | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
monkey
Happy Holly Days


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Dear FIL,
Some things are none of your business. I will cry tears of joy the day you finally realize that.
-your DIL

Dear husband,
I'm glad we've come to an understanding. I love you incredibly much.
-your wifey

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http://sarahdwebber.wordpress.com/

Posts: 1490 | From: Arkansas | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Wild Card
Jingle Bell Hock


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Dearest Nephew,

The day that I discovered your mother was pregnant, I was elated. I have loved being a part of your life, and always look forward to the time I can spend with you. Watching you grow and learn has been fascinating, and it's even better to think of how much more there is to come. I promise that I will always love you.

Now GO TO SLEEP!!!

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"It's a perfect system...unless it screws up." -Biology Professor

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lavender blue
Jingle Bell Hock


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Dear Zorro-

Thou hast curst me with your rain spell!

Erm, I mean, could you please back off on the rain requests?

Every time I stepped outside, it started pouring. While I was inside, working away? Bright sunshine. Even tried to fool the weather by leaving mid-day for a doctor's appt. Still got rained on.

lavender blue the soaked

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catagenesis [evol]-evolution leading to decadence and decreased vigor.

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Zorro
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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Dear Lavender,

Sorry, dude, I didn't know I had such control over the elements. [Wink] I'll try and confine it all to Somerset and Morris Counties and keep it out of Middlesex (am I remembering correctly?) from now on. [Wink]

Zor "but I'm happy 'cause the pollen is WAY down!" ro

--------------------
"Seize the day! Make your lives extraordinary!"
-John Keating, "Dead Poets Society"

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Manic Soprano
Deck the Malls


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Dear Zorro,

Since you have such power over the weather, would you mind keeping the weather nice for June 17-20, when I'm in New Jersey (just booked hotel reservations the other night)?

Please and Thank you,
Manic Soprano

ETA: A question mark, because I'm requesting, not demanding. Also a Please and Thank you.

--------------------
Tally ho with a bing and a bong and a buzz buzz buzz!

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Zorro
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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Dear Manic,

I shall do my best. [Smile]

Zorro

--------------------
"Seize the day! Make your lives extraordinary!"
-John Keating, "Dead Poets Society"

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Giselle
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Husband,

We've had this outing planned for over a month. You knew how happy I was that you wanted to go and we finally had something to do that wasn't sitting on the couch. When I woke up this morning and the bed was empty I knew you were on the computer playing warcraft. I knew you had been there for the 8 hours I was sleeping plus all the time before I went to bed. I knew this but I still had a glimmer of hope as I opened the bedroom door and saw you sitting in your computer chair. The first words out of your mouth were "go back to bed". Do you have any idea how that makes me feel? You knew today was special but you didn't care enough to NOT warcraft all ****ing night. I hope you enjoy sleeping all day to make up for staying up all night. I hope you enjoy sleeping through the festival we were going to go to. I am so sad.

--------------------
Ralphie, get off the stage sweetheart.

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CherryQueen
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Dear Husband:
Come home. I miss you. Thursday is too far away.

Me

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"Hilariously, he pronounces "Sauron" as "Sore-on", which sounds like something you apply directly to facial herpes."--theagonybooth.com

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monkey
Happy Holly Days


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Dear home,
I miss you. Hope you're not too lonely. Upstairs neighbor should be coming by to bring in the mail and make sure you're ok. We'll be home Thursday, and I can't wait!
-your loving renter

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http://sarahdwebber.wordpress.com/

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lavender blue
Jingle Bell Hock


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Dear Zorro-

I fear I live a little too close to the Somerset county line for your new rain distribution plan to work. If you could send 'mild shower' vibes instead of 'torrential downpour' ones, I think I could manage. [Wink]

lavender blue

Dear self-

You got a lot done today. Keep it up for tomorrow!

--------------------
catagenesis [evol]-evolution leading to decadence and decreased vigor.

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ali_marea
The "Was on Sale" Song


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To whomever is in charge of health matters;

please, for the love of bob, just let me and my son get over whatever our illnesses are and get well. I'm tired of coughing. I'm sure my son is too.

My throat hurts. I'm tired of clearing my throat. I'd like to be able to breathe.

I'm sure my son is tired of the breathing treatments. I would really like for him to feel better so he can be healthy and happy again. I'm tired of worrying about whether he's breathing ok or not.

This can't happen soon enough, IMO.

thanks,
ali

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28 days, 6 hours, 42 minutes, and 12 seconds. That is when the world will end.

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Zorro
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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Dear Lavender,

*writes note to self* Okay...showers...not torrential downpours...okay, got it. [Wink] [lol]

Zorro

--------------------
"Seize the day! Make your lives extraordinary!"
-John Keating, "Dead Poets Society"

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the Virgin Marrya
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by RangerDog:
Dear Marrya,
Push the ignore button. Then *out* him in the room. "You want me to do WHAT to you with a plunger???"

Dear Ranger Dog.
Since it's a KoL chat, and since I get to wrestle with lavaroty trolls, and use a knob goblin plunger as a weapon, that was waaaaayyyyy funnier than you might have thought!

Thankyou for the aching stomach muscles!

And in other news - I outed him, and he slunk quietly away [Big Grin] yay!

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Windows cannot open this file. To open this file correctly, defenestrate, then try running the file again...

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Lainie
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Dear DD:

I still love you. I will always love you. But you screwed up, big time. I don't have the energy to be angry at you 24 hours a day, even if I thought it were the right thing to do. But just because things seem okay sometimes doesn't mean that I'm not still angry, and sad, and disappointed, and worried about the consequences. You say you're ready to turn things around and do the right thing. Please mean it, and please follow through on it.

Mom

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How homophobic do you have to be to have penguin gaydar? - Lewis Black

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Spamamander in a pear tree
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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quote:
Originally posted by Marrya:
quote:
Originally posted by RangerDog:
Dear Marrya,
Push the ignore button. Then *out* him in the room. "You want me to do WHAT to you with a plunger???"

Dear Ranger Dog.
Since it's a KoL chat, and since I get to wrestle with lavaroty trolls, and use a knob goblin plunger as a weapon, that was waaaaayyyyy funnier than you might have thought!

Thankyou for the aching stomach muscles!

And in other news - I outed him, and he slunk quietly away [Big Grin] yay!

LOL... KoL! I started a character there, but my 12 year old daughter plays more than I do. She used to have an active clan and the whole bit. I may have to hop on over and take a look again.

--------------------
"There is a race between mankind and the universe. Mankind is trying to build bigger, better, faster, and more foolproof machines. The universe is trying to build bigger, better, and faster fools. So far the universe is winning." -Albert Einstein

Posts: 1058 | From: Yakima, WA | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
CherryQueen
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Dear Datatrac,
I'm really glad you gave hubby a great job, and I'm also really glad you think so highly of him that you sent him out to this job fair to do interviews so soon after hiring him. I'm ALSO really glad that the folks at the Kentucky office are so pleased with his job performance that they might want him to stay and help out for a little longer. But... DON'T ASK HIM TO STAY. It's been almost two weeks. That's the longest we've EVER been seperated since the day we met, and I MISS HIM. Please let my honey come home, cause I'm lonesome and I wanna see him.

CQ

--------------------
"Hilariously, he pronounces "Sauron" as "Sore-on", which sounds like something you apply directly to facial herpes."--theagonybooth.com

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Four Kitties
Layaway in a Manger


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Hey, you, NFBSKwad I used to be married to:

Thanks for being such a good father. Thanks for paying child support in full, and on time. Thanks especially for never missing visitation: your daughter and I both respect you for it.

Oh wait, none of that is true, is it now?

Four pissed off Kitties

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If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

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Casey, making hot chocolate
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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*saddles up his steed*

The Men of Gondor ride to your aid, Lady 4K. Shall we take him by force, or let the Orcses have him? [Razz]

Seriously, though...

That absolutely bites. [Frown] Any recourse legally?

C

--------------------
"To be or not to be! That is the question! Now, will you answer, dare, double dare, or take the Physical Challenge?" --Mark Summers as Hamlet
Countdown: 177 days and counting... or less. My blog. 14 keyboards owed.

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2ys4u
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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*Dear Allergy Medicine,
Why did you have to make me so sleeeeepy?

*Dear Soothing Chamomile Tea,
Why did I have to drink your deliciousness today?

*Dear space heater,
Why do you have to be so warmmmmm, warm and comforting.

*Dear cow-orker that just walked in my office and caught me sleeping at my desk,
I was just resting my eyes! Honestly!

- From me.

--------------------
"Guns and butter."

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Loyhargil
We Three Blings


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Continuing with the crappy ex theme....

Dear ex (because at this moment you do not deserve a capital letter),

Going from calling every day to not calling at all seriously messes with kiddo's head. So give us some warning, at what point are you going to come rushing back in to be "superdad" so we can prepare for the inevitable emotional blow-outs?

You may say you don't wanna be a "Disneyland Dad," but seriously, have you looked at what you're doing? Have you given the least bit of thought about how your "fawcet full on, fawcet full off" behavior might be affecting your kid? Pick a strategy and stick with it, okay?

Oh, and if you're avoiding talking to her in order to avoid talking to me, as you've been known to do in the past - that's so unbelievably self-serving. But we pretty much expect that from you, don't we?

Oh, and I'm sorry, but I will freely admit I did let loose a sly little grin when she called you by her stepdad's name twice on the phone a couple week's back. I'm evil. I'll get over that, but I have to admit, the sound of your voice on the phone gave me a priceless instant of snark before my inherent guilt complex set in, and I actually felt some pity for ya.

Not so much love,

Me


Dear Kiddo,

You don't have to talk every waking moment, you don't have to hold onto me every waking moment, you don't have to bang on the bathroom door, and you don't need to run screaming around the house if you don't know exactly where I am for thirty seconds. I'm not going anywhere, kiddo, I promise.

Love,

Mama

--------------------
Bender: Oh cruel fate, to be thusly boned. Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee.

Posts: 1170 | From: Iowa | Registered: Aug 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
AQB, Max's DHB
Santa eBayby


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Dear Zorro,

Thank you so much for clearing off the week-long rain (clears the pollen, but ramps up the mold spores that kill me...I'm just sayin') in time for Saturday's Commencement to take place outside in just the right temperature, with fluffy clouds bouncing through the blue sky on balmy breezes.

Now could you please get control of the chilly winds that are now whipping up the allergens? I need to get some newly purchased plants into the ground before I leave for vacation, and my eyes and nose and throat are very unhappy.

Thanks so much,

AQB, Max's itchy-eyed DHB, who implores you to use your gifts of weather control for good and not evil

--------------------
"The Potato Festival will never be the same without Evelena." (from an obituary in the Charleston, WV, Gazette)

Posts: 215 | From: living here in Allentown, PA | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
The Year Without A SeaPea
Deck the Malls


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Dear Left Quad,
Why are you twitching all of the sudden? This has been going on for days...are you trying to tell me something? What it is girl? Timmy fell down the well???

Cut it out,
the management

--------------------
you can't fight biology...

Posts: 301 | From: New York | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Zorro
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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quote:
Originally posted by Casey, spraying whipped cream:
*saddles up his steed*

The Men of Gondor ride to your aid, Lady 4K. Shall we take him by force, or let the Orcses have him? [Razz]

Seriously, though...

That absolutely bites. [Frown] Any recourse legally?

C

Screw legally. I'm just waiting for word that the Auntie Posse can go get him. [Wink]

--------------------
"Seize the day! Make your lives extraordinary!"
-John Keating, "Dead Poets Society"

Posts: 2861 | From: New Jersey | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Zorro
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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quote:
Originally posted by AQB, Max's DHB:
Dear Zorro,

Thank you so much for clearing off the week-long rain (clears the pollen, but ramps up the mold spores that kill me...I'm just sayin') in time for Saturday's Commencement to take place outside in just the right temperature, with fluffy clouds bouncing through the blue sky on balmy breezes.

Now could you please get control of the chilly winds that are now whipping up the allergens? I need to get some newly purchased plants into the ground before I leave for vacation, and my eyes and nose and throat are very unhappy.

Thanks so much,

AQB, Max's itchy-eyed DHB, who implores you to use your gifts of weather control for good and not evil

Dear AQB,

Unfortunately, it might be a tad late for me to work on the winds dying down completely by tomorrow, but by Wednesday everything should be okay. [Wink]

Zorro the weather goddess

--------------------
"Seize the day! Make your lives extraordinary!"
-John Keating, "Dead Poets Society"

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