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Author Topic: So un-glamorous (DEFINITE TMI FOR ACTIVE TOPICS)
Purple Iguana
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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quote:
Originally posted by GenYus:
quote:
Originally posted by Purple Iguana:
Hmm... I have kind of a "poor constipated baby" story... but it doesn't seem right just now...

Go ahead and post it. This thread is getting off topic anyway unless female orgasms are unglamorous.
[Big Grin] Fair enough.

The funny thing isn't so much that my son was constipated or the truly comical facial expressions that a toddler will make while straining over a big, hard poop. What was funny was when it finally came out.

We were all upstairs. Hubby was holding the 6 month old while I was comforting our nearly 3 year old who was having a hard time pooping. I finally figured I'd get his diaper off and give the area a good wiping down... because sometimes (and I soooooo hesitate to use the word "stimulating" but I have a hard time thinking of a better word) ... let's say "thoroughly cleaning" his little butthole will prompt the poop to come out.

Got his diaper down, and there's this nugget sticking out... half in, half out. So I thought maybe if I could get a good hold of it (with a wipe in between my fingers and the poop, OF COURSE), maybe I could ease it out. Well, it was too rounded and too shallow for me to get a good hold on, so hubby asked if I wanted him to hold our son's legs up. Surprise surprise, he was kicking. Ya think he didn't like what I was doing?

So I told hubby that yes, I would like him to hold his legs and just as hubby was coming around to do so, I can feel the poop coming out. What was so funny was that my husband, who has on numerous occasions stated how he is violently aversive to seeing or smelling poop, just HAD to look down when I told him, "never mind, it's coming." And the fact that he was groaning and started talking to the baby about how he was going to throw up in this sing-songy voice.

Fortunately, our son isn't chronically constipated, but he gets these ones every now and then that are practically hard as a rock. This was one of those. Half makes me wonder if he couldn't get it out because it was too hard to mush around... like the diaper was keeping it in or something, and me finally taking the diaper off allowed it to get out.

Sadly, not a visual image that will be leaving my mind any time soon... but hubby's reaction was pretty funny.


Not nearly as funny as the time, tho, that the same son had a really mushy, messy, nasty poop... and hubby, for some inexplicable reason looked into it when I set it aside, reacted as though he would vomit, recovered, and then looked into it again with a worse reaction. I nearly pissed myself laughing over that one. I mean, if it's that gross... why look twice??

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They just don't make crazed, beserk robots like they used to. --Sheen Estevez, Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius

If I manage to post something swipe-worthy that you would like to make your sig, you may do so with my blessing.

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Purple Iguana
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Oh, and female orgasms are just about as glamorous as male ones. [Wink]

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They just don't make crazed, beserk robots like they used to. --Sheen Estevez, Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius

If I manage to post something swipe-worthy that you would like to make your sig, you may do so with my blessing.

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Morrigan
Happy Holly Days


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quote:
Originally posted by Purple Iguana:
Morrigan... clearly, I don't speak for the entire female gender, but the ability to have an orgasm doesn't necessarily make you want sex.

???

As for me ending up as the crazy dog/horse lady, that comment was directed at the not having an orgasm. It was just due to the fact that I don't like sex, and don't want to be in any relationship (see other threads!) I've just never felt a desire even to find out what an orgasm feels like (which I find odd, when I think about it, but eh.)

I've got a married friend who's told me the same thing, though!

Morrigan

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"The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep." Robert Frost, Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening

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Morrigan
Happy Holly Days


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quote:
Originally posted by Purple Iguana:
I finally figured I'd get his diaper off and give the area a good wiping down... because sometimes (and I soooooo hesitate to use the word "stimulating" but I have a hard time thinking of a better word) ... let's say "thoroughly cleaning" his little butthole will prompt the poop to come out.


Just a quick comment, here. Dogs, horses, cows and cats (among some animals) stimulate their babies do get them to defecate/urinate when they're born. I know (by experience) that dogs do it up until the puppies eat hard food (3-4 weeks.) So, stimulate is a good word!

Morrigan

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"The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep." Robert Frost, Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening

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Deep Blue
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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I sat down last night and typesd out a long post, only to lose my internet just as I was trying to post it.

Thanks so much Em and Morrigan, that link was very helpful. What I experience is very similar to what was described in the link. The colors representing the 'type' of climax I have are always the same. (Example, quickies are always black, while ones that take a long time to get are pale blue). My boyfriend is the only person I've ever told this to (until now) and he likes hearing what colors he made me see.

Also, thanks a bunch on suggestions on how to bring up adding a toy to things... I really want to try something new, but don't want to make either of us to feel awkward.

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Purple Iguana
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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quote:
Originally posted by Morrigan:
quote:
Originally posted by Purple Iguana:
I finally figured I'd get his diaper off and give the area a good wiping down... because sometimes (and I soooooo hesitate to use the word "stimulating" but I have a hard time thinking of a better word) ... let's say "thoroughly cleaning" his little butthole will prompt the poop to come out.


Just a quick comment, here. Dogs, horses, cows and cats (among some animals) stimulate their babies do get them to defecate/urinate when they're born. I know (by experience) that dogs do it up until the puppies eat hard food (3-4 weeks.) So, stimulate is a good word!

Morrigan

Yeah, I know, it's just that given the sexual turn the thread had taken, it just seemed wrong somehow. [Big Grin]

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They just don't make crazed, beserk robots like they used to. --Sheen Estevez, Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius

If I manage to post something swipe-worthy that you would like to make your sig, you may do so with my blessing.

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Freshman
We Three Blings


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Purple Iguana: Did your three year old have a diaper or did the baby?

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"High-Five!" - Borat

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Crackrzz
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by pirateslife:

What I recently explained to DH about periods is cramps. He was thinking in terms of a leg cramp or something. I explained to him that menstrual cramps feel just like really bad diarrhea, that aching/burning you get in your lower gut, only it feels more towards your back than towards your stomach. He was much more sympathetic after he realized that's what menstrual cramps feel like.

I was going to comment on this before and forgot. To me, I would probably liken cramps to getting kicked in the balls. Or gently struck anyway.

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Stand up, slip on the bathtub floor, fling a hand up to balance yourself, and happen to have your mouth open on the downswing. Voila, a new hole in your face.

-Tabby, on how she cut her lip while shaving her legs.

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Morrigan
Happy Holly Days


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quote:
Originally posted by Purple Iguana:
quote:
Originally posted by Morrigan:
quote:
Originally posted by Purple Iguana:
I finally figured I'd get his diaper off and give the area a good wiping down... because sometimes (and I soooooo hesitate to use the word "stimulating" but I have a hard time thinking of a better word) ... let's say "thoroughly cleaning" his little butthole will prompt the poop to come out.


Just a quick comment, here. Dogs, horses, cows and cats (among some animals) stimulate their babies do get them to defecate/urinate when they're born. I know (by experience) that dogs do it up until the puppies eat hard food (3-4 weeks.) So, stimulate is a good word!

Morrigan

Yeah, I know, it's just that given the sexual turn the thread had taken, it just seemed wrong somehow. [Big Grin]
Ya know, after you pointed that out, I didn't even think about it like that? Y almost OMANK! See what you made me do?

Morrigan

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"The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep." Robert Frost, Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening

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Delia Darrow
I Saw Three Shipments


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quote:
I would probably liken cramps to getting kicked in the balls. Or gently struck anyway.

Somehow, I just can't see a guy claiming that second option.

"I was gently struck in the balls by my son's rollerskate".

Nope.

I'm pretty sure "gently" and "struck in the balls" are mutually exclusive. [Big Grin]

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Cogito, ergo Dei non est.

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Purple Iguana
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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quote:
Originally posted by Freshman:
Purple Iguana: Did your three year old have a diaper or did the baby?

It was our older boy. He'll be 3 in February. But I grew up around tons of people who called little kids "babies" until they started school, so... that's probably why it was confusing.

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They just don't make crazed, beserk robots like they used to. --Sheen Estevez, Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius

If I manage to post something swipe-worthy that you would like to make your sig, you may do so with my blessing.

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Izzy Quigley
Jingle Bell Hock


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This thread seems like a fitting place to ask: does anyone else get a weird numb sensation in their lower jaw immediately before throwing up?

Also, I learned in high school bio that the gag reflex is triggered by swallowing saliva. Thus, you can keep yourself from gagging by not swallowing your spit. I can confirm that this works - it's saved me on at least one occasion.

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A Viennese fellow is walking along the Karntner Strasse and notices a banana peel lying in his path. "Alas," he sighs, "now I must slip and fall down!"

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vanilla
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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quote:
Originally posted by Izzy Quigley:
This thread seems like a fitting place to ask: does anyone else get a weird numb sensation in their lower jaw immediately before throwing up?

No, but I do experience excess saliva (that I do not swallow) beforehand. If I am feeling nauseous I know that I will have to vomit only if the excess saliva appears. It usually gives me enough time to rush to the bathroom and make it just in time.

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I swear, it was funnier in my head.
Yeah, I used to be pink. vanilla_pink.

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Izzy Quigley
Jingle Bell Hock


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Yeah, I have the excess saliva thing too. If it gets to be too much and I'm desperate, I'll try to discreetly slobber on my sleeve or something until I can reach a bathroom. (Okay, that sounds bizarre. But it's still less socially awkward than vomiting on the floor.)

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A Viennese fellow is walking along the Karntner Strasse and notices a banana peel lying in his path. "Alas," he sighs, "now I must slip and fall down!"

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Dieter Meyer
Deck the Malls


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I actually read up on vomit on Wikipedia a couple of days ago (ok, that was a weird sentence), and it seems that when you're about to throw up, your mouth will automatically start producing more salive to protect the enamel of your teeth.

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"Soyons désinvoltes; n'ayons l'air de rien" - Noir Désir

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ThistleSoftware
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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I dry heave all the time, but only when I'm actually going to vomit do I salivate and have that weird, achy, tongue-involuntarily-pushing-forward thing in my jaw.

As for Izzy Quigley's idea about swallowing spit triggering the gag reflex, I will definitely try that next time I am nauseous. I tend to think it might not work 100% of the time, because I often gag when I'm brushing my teeth. I'm definitely not swallowing while I brush.

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Officially Heartless

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mags
Jingle Bell Hock


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quote:
Originally posted by Delia Darrow:
OK, last bad segue; Tampons v. pads. I apparently have a very deep vaginal canal. I can't get them up there far enough not to feel them. Bad-icky-this-is-too-dry-to-be-stuck-up-here feeling.

Dang, one more thing; is there anyone out there like me, who is fat, and pads are just too short?

I have the same tampon problem. When I was a teenager, I always thought it was just that I didn't bleed heavily enough, so they were always still rather hard when it was time to take them out (even the super slender ones). Since I bleed more heavily now than I used to when I was younger, I thought I'd try again recently, then rediscovered there was another problem. Even ignoring the dry-hard-thing-stuffed-in-me feeling, I get an ache in my lower back as well.

I think part of the problem is that I'm pretty small down there. I didn't know that when I was a teenager (no way to make a comparison, really), but my SO has always remarked upon it. Sometimes he "hits bottom" so to speak.

I also have the problem that the pads are too short since I've gotten fat. I usually put a long size pad with wings where it's supposed to go, then put a pantiliner behind it so it covers my butt crack when I pull up my panties. I've had this idea stirring around for some time to make somewhat diaper-like underwear for periods called "Smarty Pants", so us heavier girls can sleep without worrying we're in the wrong position so the blood might drip past our pads.

quote:
Originally posted by Missie:
Menstrual blood isn't smooth, it's chunky. Like... salsa. or something else gross. Full of nasty, gross clots that look like bits of liver swimming in blood.

So, I am forced to use pads. Which give me something akin to a 'diaper rash' by the time my period goes away, no matter how often I change them. Stupid menstruation.

Ugh, I get serious clots. It's not so bad now that I shave down there, at least it's less messy. Sometimes I'll actually feel a particularly large clot slide out. Sometimes there will be things floating in the toilet after I pee, it practically makes me think I miscarriaged.

As for the diaper rash problem, I always had that really bad too. When I was a baby, my mom used cloth diapers on me on a regular basis, but when we were travelling or something and she used disposables, I'd break out like crazy. I think I have particularly sensitive skin. I thought I'd just have to deal with it with my periods, but I recently found this company named "Seventh Generation" that makes pads that don't use the chemicals that make you break out. You can buy them at drugstore.com. They've really worked for me. I bought a pack in each of the sizes to try them out, and then went back and bought a whole bunch more because I liked them so much. I think there is also another sensitive skin brand sold there too.

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black roses 19
Xboxing Day


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quote:
I've had this idea stirring around for some time to make somewhat diaper-like underwear for periods called "Smarty Pants", so us heavier girls can sleep without worrying we're in the wrong position so the blood might drip past our pads.
Believe me, it's not just heavier girls. I'm a skinny little white girl and I have the problem too. I'll wake up with bloody sheets and blood running up my back [Frown]

I usually don't sleep so well my first 2 nights of my period because I'm trying to be so conscious of not sleeping on my back all the time or not sleeping on my front all the time. It makes a big mess either way.

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"I find them to be in contradiction of the basic principles of YOUR MOM!!!" -We've Got Mail

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ThistleSoftware
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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quote:
Originally posted by black roses 19:
I'm a skinny little white girl and I have the problem too.

I wasn't aware that there was a race component to this issue.

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Officially Heartless

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black roses 19
Xboxing Day


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[lol] There isn't. I just refer to myself as a "skinny little white girl" all the time, especially at work. I'm the anti-gangsta.

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"I find them to be in contradiction of the basic principles of YOUR MOM!!!" -We've Got Mail

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Kitsune26
The First USA Noel


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I remember that Kotex (at least I think it was them) did used to make disposable panties that were for "lighter flow" days that actually worked pretty good for my get-the-arc-ready days.
I stillam confused why they quit making them-I suppose it could have been the granny panty high waist look.

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I'm as giddy as a Japanese school girl in an octopus tank.

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glass papaya
Jingle Bell Hock


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I'm telling ya, atomic wedgie with the pad, ladies! Learned it from the days when my mother used to buy napkins and a belt for me.
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Freshman
We Three Blings


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Mags and others: yeesh, yeah I get, erm.. very chunk bits of menstrual blood as well when my time of months comes round

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"High-Five!" - Borat

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Purple Iguana
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Re: major clots. I used to work with a lady who said that when she got her period, she passed chunks so big that they looked like bits of beef. I've never passed anything firmer than Jell-o. My co-worker later found out she was unable to have children... possibly due to something BAD that didn't get diagnosed but that the chunks were a BIG clue about. So if you are passing really nasty clots, you might wanna see a doctor about it. If it's just gunking up your pubes, it's probably no worries.

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They just don't make crazed, beserk robots like they used to. --Sheen Estevez, Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius

If I manage to post something swipe-worthy that you would like to make your sig, you may do so with my blessing.

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Vivling
Happy Holly Days


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Always does (or used to, when I stocked them at a drugstore) make pads that are for women who are "size 14+" I think they're wider, and longer. Even if you aren't size 14 or over, they seem like they'd be useful for night-time.

I always double up with a tampon and a pad at night. I don't sleep for more than 6 hours at a time, so there's no concern with leaving the tampon in too long, and it definitly keeps things contained. I find a good, snug (but not too tight) pair of cotton undies helps, too.

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Climb up, over the the top
Shake it, take control
You've got to find out for yourself whether or not you're truly trying
--Jason Mraz

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serarose
Deck the Malls


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On the throwing up question, I'm def like some other snopesters. I know that salivating alot is my body's way of saying "hey get to a bathroom now!".

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The important thing is not to stop questioning- Einstein

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candycane from strangers
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


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quote:
Originally posted by ThistleSmelt:
I dry heave all the time, but only when I'm actually going to vomit do I salivate and have that weird, achy, tongue-involuntarily-pushing-forward thing in my jaw.

That's exactly what I get, described much better than I think I would be able to.

When I cough my chin itches under the skin, so that I can't scratch it. Anyone else get that? A few friends I've told acted like that was really weird.

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Me: "He's 19? Uh oh, I bought him a beer."
A: "You contributed to the deliquency of a minor in drag!"
"Sweet spell check: keeping drunks off the radar since 1995."- IND
God Re-Animate Green Pork Bush

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Purple Iguana
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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I don't recall specifically salivating extra when I'm about to throw up, but I often get that knife-to-the-gut sensation and/or the bottom of my tongue and underside of my chin getting rock hard.

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They just don't make crazed, beserk robots like they used to. --Sheen Estevez, Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius

If I manage to post something swipe-worthy that you would like to make your sig, you may do so with my blessing.

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evilrabbit
Jingle Bell Hock


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quote:
Originally posted by candiru from strangers:

When I cough my chin itches under the skin, so that I can't scratch it. Anyone else get that? A few friends I've told acted like that was really weird.

I get that. Not when I cough, and not usually on my chin, but the "itch under the skin" in general. Happens on my legs all the time.

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"My sandwich choice is uncertain, until I actually order. It's like Schrodinger's Sandwich."
"Is plutonium involved in this sandwich in any way?"
"Maybe."

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Daphodil
I Saw Three Shipments


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Wow! This is the funniest thread I've read in along time! Y'all are a riot!

DH and I rate each other's burps - "7 - a bit thin, but well meaning" or "2 - no oomph behind it."

He's a very polite man and the idea of burping or farting out loud conjours his mother's warnings about crass behavior or some such. So the occasional toot or burp brings out the little boy in him and makes us giggle like naughty kids.

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Life is simple. People make it less so.

Posts: 55 | From: Midwest | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Tinakins
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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When I was in middle school a bunch of girls told this one boy that girls didn't poop. The next day he came running into class saying, "You're all liars! I looked in the toilet after my sister went and there was poo there!"
Posts: 10 | From: San Francisco, California | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Amigone201
Happy Holly Days


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quote:
Originally posted by evilrabbit:
quote:
Originally posted by candiru from strangers:

When I cough my chin itches under the skin, so that I can't scratch it. Anyone else get that? A few friends I've told acted like that was really weird.

I get that. Not when I cough, and not usually on my chin, but the "itch under the skin" in general. Happens on my legs all the time.
I've felt that too, and yeah, on my legs usually. It doesn't stick around too long, thankfully.

And I usually only get it when I'm on my period. (Just figured I needed to throw that in if I was gonna speak in this thread!)

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Posts: 1527 | From: Buffalo, NY | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Purple Iguana
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Have we talked about boogers yet on this thread? A friend of mine and I once had a little impromptu contest as to who sounded the grossest when blowing our nose. She won. Our boyfriends looked at us like we were crazy. [Smile]

What's really weird, tho, is that when I have a runny nose as a result of crying or my eyes watering from yawning or eating spicy food or whatever... if I blow my nose after that, I can sometimes feel the liquid (which is probably somewhere between tears and snot at this point) slithering the wrong way through my tear duct. VERY weird.

Also, I get stringy eye boogers that feel like something non-eye-boogery-like was in my eye. When I get it out, it's really odd to feel it string its way all along my lower eyelid. Odder still if it's long enough that it starts to go around my upper eyelid! But that doesn't happen too often.

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They just don't make crazed, beserk robots like they used to. --Sheen Estevez, Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius

If I manage to post something swipe-worthy that you would like to make your sig, you may do so with my blessing.

Posts: 2486 | From: East Stroudsburg, PA | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
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