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Author Topic: 7 types of sex
Squishy0405
Wii Wiish You A Merry Chriistmas


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The 1st kind of sex is called Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens
when you first meet someone and you have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called Hallway Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say "screw you."

The 5th kind of sex is called Religious Sex, which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.

The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

And last, but not least, the 7th kind of sex is called: Social
Security Sex. You get a little each month but not enough to live on.

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"Fate is like a strange, unpopular resturant, filled with odd waiters who bring you things you never ask for and don't always like."-Lemony Snicket

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Richard W
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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What's the practical difference between type 1 and type 2? I mean, I can understand type 2 but for that to be different from type 1, wouldn't the writer's immediate reaction to meeting somebody have to be to shake their hand and then shag them senseless...?
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Lil' Molly
Deck the Malls


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quote:
Originally posted by Squishy0405:
The 2nd kind of sex is called Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

Um. So... what is it called if you've been with your partner for a long time and you have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen?

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Dancin' Fool
Deck the Malls


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quote:
Originally posted by Lil' Molly:
quote:
Originally posted by Squishy0405:
The 2nd kind of sex is called Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

Um. So... what is it called if you've been with your partner for a long time and you have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen?
It means you have a great thing going, but please don't do it on the kitchen island when the invited guests are trying to dip their strawberries in the chocolate filled fondue pot! [Eek!] [fish]
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NorthernLite
We Three Blings


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quote:
Originally posted by Dancin' Fool:
quote:
Originally posted by Lil' Molly:
quote:
Originally posted by Squishy0405:
The 2nd kind of sex is called Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

Um. So... what is it called if you've been with your partner for a long time and you have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen?
It means you have a great thing going, but please don't do it on the kitchen island when the invited guests are trying to dip their strawberries in the chocolate filled fondue pot! [Eek!] [fish]
AND don't do it on the dining room table. Especially if the table legs are a little weak and you have guest coming over. By weak I mean the screws are sort of loose in the brackets. And you cordless screw driver isn't recharged. And did I mention the guests would be there in an hour and it takes the screwdriver three hours to charge up? I'm just sayin'.

EF speeling

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You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know... morons. -Blazing Saddles

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black roses 19
Xboxing Day


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*giggle*

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"I find them to be in contradiction of the basic principles of YOUR MOM!!!" -We've Got Mail

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The Goof
Deck the Malls


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quote:
Um. So... what is it called if you've been with your partner for a long time and you have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen?


Fiction.

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"It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid,than to open it and remove all doubt."- Mark Twain

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caj48224
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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quote:
Originally posted by Northern Lite Tempura Batter:
quote:
Originally posted by Dancin' Fool:
quote:
Originally posted by Lil' Molly:
quote:
Originally posted by Squishy0405:
The 2nd kind of sex is called Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

Um. So... what is it called if you've been with your partner for a long time and you have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen?
It means you have a great thing going, but please don't do it on the kitchen island when the invited guests are trying to dip their strawberries in the chocolate filled fondue pot! [Eek!] [fish]
AND don't do it on the dining room table. Especially if the table legs are a little weak and you have guest coming over. By weak I mean the screws are sort of loose in the brackets. And you cordless screw driver isn't recharged. And did I mention the guests would be there in an hour and it takes the screwdriver three hours to charge up? I'm just sayin'.

EF speeling

AND Really Especially if the kitchen table’s legs already fell off, for some reason, and there isn’t another backup table to use for the guests and now the hour is actually just 25 minutes, but the screwdriver is only charged enough to turn on its own, never mind actually trying to tighten a screw…

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"I reject your reality and substitute my own!" - Adam Savage, Mythbuster

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Dragon's Jewel
I Saw Three Shipments


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quote:
AND don't do it on the dining room table. Especially if the table legs are a little weak and you have guest coming over.
You know how we solve that problem? That's right, we don't have a kitchen table.

Dragon's "Now the office chair, that's a different story..." Jewel

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Tyger, Tyger burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Hath framed thy fearful symmetry?

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Griffin at the Maul
Joyeux New Sale


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Do none of you people know how to use a manual screwdriver? You know...one you turn by hand?

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Where are we going, and why are we in this handbasket?

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Eve MG
Happy Holly Days


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This was fun to see in Active Topics:
quote:
7 types of sex by Griffin Roll (9) September 12, 2006 01:32 PM

Do none of you people know how to use a manual screwdriver? You know...one you turn by hand?

I couldn't wait to see what Griffin was going to suggest!

(Multiple edits to try to make the font smaller just like it is in AT... then I gave up.)

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I love dairy! Does that mean I can't be a vegan?

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queen of the bah-caramels
Jingle Bell Hock


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Gosh we are still in the stage" How many more times can we do it outside before my rear freezes to the ground?"

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Focus On The Family- An opinion group who think more about Gay Sex than gay people do- Rick Mercer

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Turning_Turning
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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Sex type eight: Wall sex. You never use the bed, just the walls. Floors? **** the floor, walls are best for getting it going and the blood rushing! [Wink]

Turning_ "bargain prices up against the wall!" Turning

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Brad from Georgia
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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You can keep yer new-fangled walls. Just give me a trapeeze, a pair of roller skates, and a frisky partner any day.

Brad "the chicken is optional" from Georgia

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"No hard feelin's and HOPpy New Year!"--Walt Kelly
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invisigoth
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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oh lord. walls? floors? why when theres a perfactly good bed someplace waiting to be used? it doesnt have to be your bed*grin*
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Canuckistan
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by The Goof:
quote:
Um. So... what is it called if you've been with your partner for a long time and you have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen?


Fiction.
Speak for yourself!

What would I call it? How about Saturday night?

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People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

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TwoGuyswithaHat
Happy Holly Days


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I seem to recall this being a sketch by comedian John Wing on one of his specials.

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In politics, absurdity is not a handicap - Napoleon Bonaparte

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