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Author Topic: How many wait for marriage?
Sky
I Saw Three Shipments


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Didn't wait. Had a child out of wedlock at 21. Gave him up for adoption. Met my future husband at 24 - we "waited" together. Wish I hadn't done it before he came along.
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Buzzkiller
Deck the Malls


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My husband and I both waited and have never regretted it for a second. Great marriage, great sex life. We've been married nearly 20 years.

As fairly conservative Christians we know quite a few couples, both old and young, who have waited. But "quite a few" is a relative term, and even those who believe that sex belongs within marriage have a difficult time waiting, especially when they've found someone they really love. I'm not naive--I know it's very rare for people today to wait for marriage, but it's a practice that I certainly support and hope my kids will follow.

Personally, I think there are plenty of positive reasons to wait. Sex has always been wonderfully guilt-free for us, but that obviously isn't an issue for people for whom premarital sex does not violate religious conviction. My spouse and I both tend to be rather insecure, so it's nice that we've never had to struggle with worries that we might not measure up with comparison to past lovers. When we have had to spend time apart, or during times when we needed to abstain from sex for health reasons, I have been thankful that I married a man who proved to me that he has the self-control to keep his thing in his pants when he wants to. Because it is something we have shared only with each other, sex was and continues to be an important unifying and solidifying factor in our marriage. Obviously we've never had to deal with STDs...that's nice. And here's another biggie. I am super-fertile--my three children represent three different forms of failed birth control, including the Pill--but since we waited until marriage for sex, we didn't have to deal with an out-of-wedlock pregnancy.

Of course I've heard plenty of people give the argument that if you don't have sex before marriage, you might not find out that the two of you are sexually incompatible. For me, that argument just has never held water. First of all, there was a sexual component to our relationship long before my husband and I married. We were hot for each other, whether or not we were doing things. And while I may sound simplistic in saying this, it seems to me that the formula "Love + Sexual Attraction + Complementary Body Parts = Sexual Compatability" is going to pan out most of the time. One of my daughter's friends recently warned her that she's sure to be disappointed in marriage because she's created this fantasy of the first time as pure magic, but I really doubt that most modern virgins are naive enough to think that it's always going to be like in the movies, with violin music and perfect lighting. Sure, there's plenty to learn, and in some instances professional advice may be needed to work out some problems, but isn't figuring it out half the fun? In my experience, the "magic" is more about the relationship than about mastering a tricky new position or perfectly timing your orgasms. Not that that stuff isn't important or fun. Virgins, it's true: sometimes the earth really does move!

Since we've established that anecdotal evidence is okay in this thread, let me say this: over the years I have talked to plenty of couples who waited for sex, and I have talked to only one person who regretted the decision. In her case, the husband ended up being sexually dysfunctional, and he refused to get any medical or psychological help, and the marriage eventually ended. Obviously, that's a sad case, but in my experience it's the very rare exception. I've talked to dozens, maybe hundreds of couples who are glad they waited, and I have talked to a fair number of folks who didn't wait but wish they had. These are mainly people with a conservative religious mindset, though, and I'm sure it's different for people who don't see the sex act and marriage from a religious perspective.

I've had more than one person insinuate that someone like me simply doesn't know what she was missing. In other words, "Sure, you think what you and your husband have is great, but that's only because you have no one to compare him to." Hogwash. That may have been true at one time, or may even be true today of people from extremely sheltered backgrounds, but I live in a world that tells me every day what good sex is. I think it's ludicrous to suggest that two virgins who care about each will not be able to figure out (over time, of course) not just where everything goes, but how to make the experience mutually pleasurable.

I should note that I've used the term "sex" above primarily to mean the sex act. It should go without saying, but often does not, that sexuality is about more than--as Ross Gellar would call it--"the physical act of love." One can be a sexual being and yet be celibate, whether temporarily or long-term. The puritannical notion that sex is dirty is offensive to me. I hope my teenagers are currently abstaining from sexual relations, but I also hope they are growing into young people who feel comfortable with their sexuality and recognize that it is God-given.

Ahem. I suppose I have some strong feelings on the subject.

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Jera
I Saw Three Shipments


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Thankyou so much for that post Buzz, it really brought me comfort [Smile]

Thanks everyone for your insite, and I'd love to hear more comments

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Rhiandmoi
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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I don't know if I really believe in sexual incompatibility, such that every thing else in the relationship is all wonderful but somehow the naughty bits don't fit together properly. I think where there is a will there is a way, and that episodes of sexual incompatibility are probably reflexions of incompatibility in other parts of the relationship. Maybe if you have some sort of specific way you need things done and that requires some sort of specialized equipment. Or maybe if one partner has to have something to get turned on and that is the other person's absolute turn off, but for general Tab A Slot B sex IMO how "good" it is depends on a number of factors outside of the technique of the participants, and therefore is going to vary in in its "goodness" over time even with a partner with good technique But I do think that if bad sex is the norm that's not a good relationship.

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I think that hyperbole is the single greatest factor contributing to the decline of society. - My friend Pat.

What is .02 worth?

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lionswims
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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quote:
Originally posted by zman977:
quote:
Originally posted by lionswims:
A close friend of mine grew up in a religious household, vowed to wait, and had sex almost as soon as she got to college. It was more like she was waiting for an environment in which she felt comfortable being "wild". I don't think she ever truly planned on waiting, it was just something she though she had to say.

I used to give the, "I'm waiting until marriage." line when I was younger because that's what I was expected to say regardless of how I really felt. When I went away to school I was finally able to be myself and get away from the religious stuff that I didn't actually believe. My sisters who were also brought up under the same conservative teachings didn't wait until marriage either.

What you describe sounds a lot like what went down with my friend. She was actually very successful at easing herself out of the religious beliefs of her family by going to college and just being herself. Her family has been surprisingly cool with her decisions, but I think the distance of college and the independence it gave her helped her family to let go of her spiritual opinions. I respect those who want to wait for marriage, but she definitely wasn't one of them. I'm glad she's doing what she wants.
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AdmiralDinty
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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The wife and I both waited. We're old-fashioned dagnabit!

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"I wanna bite the hand that feeds me. I wanna bite that hand so badly. I wanna make them wish they'd never seen me." - Elvis Costello

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ThistleSoftware
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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quote:
Originally posted by Rhiandmoi:
I don't know if I really believe in sexual incompatibility, such that every thing else in the relationship is all wonderful but somehow the naughty bits don't fit together properly. I think where there is a will there is a way, and that episodes of sexual incompatibility are probably reflexions of incompatibility in other parts of the relationship. Maybe if you have some sort of specific way you need things done and that requires some sort of specialized equipment. Or maybe if one partner has to have something to get turned on and that is the other person's absolute turn off, but for general Tab A Slot B sex IMO how "good" it is depends on a number of factors outside of the technique of the participants, and therefore is going to vary in in its "goodness" over time even with a partner with good technique But I do think that if bad sex is the norm that's not a good relationship.

In general I think it's true that in an otherwise excellent relationship, bad sex is probably the result of not enough communication or some other fixable issue. However, I personally would not be comfortable entering a marriage with someone who I had not had sex with. It would be, to me, like entering a marriage without knowing if we shared the same desires about having kids, places to live, or other things. There are quite a few things that I can't handle in my sex life, and if it turned out my partner needed those to get off, I would be pretty unhappily married. YMMV of course.

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Officially Heartless

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Ryda Wong, EBfCo.
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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I've had great relationships with people who will never be good lovers. Don't have the creativity in bed, or the balance, or the right touch. No matter how much I cared for or communicated with them, they'd still be bad in bed. And, as intimacy is really, really important for me, I couldn't put up with that.

Those of you who waited, how did you know that even the naughty bits were those that would suit and satisfy you or that the person's way of orgasming wouldn't consistantly make you laugh or that they were unwilling to perform certain acts that you desired? Or was that not really important in the equation? Did you have alot of conversations about the sex, or was it kinda off topic.

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So many spankings! It feels so good! But at the same time, I don't care about meeting your family! - I'mNotDedalus:

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Communication Attempt
Jingle Bell Hock


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Waited for marriage?By golly I barely waited for the door to close.

Neither me or any of my friends waited for marriage.

I always found funny how people are told (mostly by the clergy) to wait for marriage and yet no reason or explanation is given.Is it a sin to have sex before marriage?Does waiting for marriage bring me closer to the Lord?

Myself I think God just has a fetish for virgins.

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"I love God,he's so deliciously evil!" -Stewie,Family Guy

The fun thing about standards is that they come in so many varieties.

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Rhiandmoi
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by Ryda Wong:
I've had great relationships with people who will never be good lovers. Don't have the creativity in bed, or the balance, or the right touch. No matter how much I cared for or communicated with them, they'd still be bad in bed. And, as intimacy is really, really important for me, I couldn't put up with that.

Those of you who waited, how did you know that even the naughty bits were those that would suit and satisfy you or that the person's way of orgasming wouldn't consistantly make you laugh or that they were unwilling to perform certain acts that you desired? Or was that not really important in the equation? Did you have alot of conversations about the sex, or was it kinda off topic.

Now, to me intimacy doesn't have to equal sex let alone great sex. I am reading this totally cheesy marriage advice book right now, but for all the lameosity there are some good points in there. One of them being that there are 10 basic things that people need/want(financial security, nice domestic situation, affection, good sex, recreation, I can't remember what the other ones are) but each person sets their own rankings. So if you put good sex in your top 5, personally I would not recommend waiting. I think a certain amount of improvement can be made if both parties are willing, but if good sex is in your (general you) top 5 and it turns out you need some sort of special technique that is hard to master or some sort of speciliazed equipment, or things done a certain way to get off and your partner can't or won't consistently provide it for you, it can make things hard if not impossible for you. Waiting can make it harder to leave a relationship that isn't satisfying one of your most important needs. I guess the question then is can you find out how important good sex is to you without actually having it? I dunno.

I am torn on this because I think people should know what they are getting themselves into, but then I also think that sometimes people don't want to buy a cow when they can get the milk for free, and it can be hard to say "Okay, I've determined that we are sexually compatible, but now the cookie store is closed until we are married." Not that sex should be a club to get a wedding ring, but if one person really wants to be married but the other is already having all their needs and wants satisfied without being married, it's not very fair.

--------------------
I think that hyperbole is the single greatest factor contributing to the decline of society. - My friend Pat.

What is .02 worth?

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snapdragonfly
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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I live in the Bible Belt and of all the couples I know, which is a LOT of couples, I know of several who told me they waited. They were glad they did and they are under the impression that their sex lives are very satisfying and who am I to argue? Heh.

Of the others, I don't know because they haven't told me, but it could be and probably is that at least some of them did also wait. (I don't really discuss that sort of thing with a lot of people - I'm just kinda private) So there might be even more who did wait, that I don't know.

One of my friends had had plenty of experience, but when she met the man she married, he was a virgin, and he's never been with anyone else. - They did not wait for marriage to have relations, but they were exclusive and serious before they did. That situation can create issues - they have worked them out - I think it'd be better, most of the time, to either both be virgins, or both not. But that's just my theory, I don't know.

I'm thinking there are some practical advantages to waiting, really, religious issues aside - but nowadays, with kids no longer getting married at 19 or 21 like they usually did a couple generations ago, I think it would be really hard to hold out until late 20's or even 30's, until after college and find a job and date a while until you find the right person and so forth. That just seems like a lot to ask of someone.

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"Wolves, dragons and vampires, man. Draw the nut-bars like big ol' nut-bar magnets." ~evilrabbit

(snurched because one of my nutbar family members is all about wolves and another one is all about dragons...)(with apologies to surfcitydogdad)

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Flaming June
Deck the Malls


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quote:
Originally posted by Ryda Wong:
Those of you who waited, how did you know that even the naughty bits were those that would suit and satisfy you or that the person's way of orgasming wouldn't consistantly make you laugh or that they were unwilling to perform certain acts that you desired? Or was that not really important in the equation? Did you have alot of conversations about the sex, or was it kinda off topic.

I think I'm kind of atypical of most people who waited, as we were living together and sleeping in the same bed before we married.

For us, the actual penetration was about the only thing we hadn't done, so most of the concerns you list are things that we'd already dealt with in *ahem* another way. We did do a lot of talking...a lot of play. If there was something specific I wanted, I knew if I asked for it, I could have it.

We did learn and grow together sexually, and now the sex is pretty dang good, if I do say so.

June

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Metaphors be with you!

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SweetieBird
Deck the Malls


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I don't know anyone who waited. I think most of my friends lost their virginity around 17-18. I didn't get married until 26 and I can't imagine waiting -- it would seem a bit unnatural to me, but hey that's just me.

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"Bad grammar makes me [sic]" -- seen on a t-shirt

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Buzzkiller
Deck the Malls


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quote:
I always found funny how people are told (mostly by the clergy) to wait for marriage and yet no reason or explanation is given. Is it a sin to have sex before marriage?
Well, yeah. The Bible condemns sexual immorality pretty strongly, though I guess it could be argued that what is "sexually immoral" could be open to interpretation or that the Biblical passages about sex must be seen in the light of their historical and cultural context. But a lot of people today find pretty specific prohibitions in the Bible against adultery (extra-marital sex) and fornication (sex outside or before marriage) in both the Old and New Testaments, and believe that these are guidelines that we are to live by even today. Not everyone interprets the Bible the same way, of course, but the idea that sex is intended for marriage is certainly not just something that a few preachers just made up. (The Christian tradition I come from places a lot more weight on what the Bible has to say than what some preacher says.)

As for the questions raised by Ryda Wong...maybe I was just lucky, but with my fella I honestly feel like I knew everything I needed to know about him before the wedding to be pretty doggone sure that we'd be okay in bed. We had been good friends for years; we were extremely comfortable and honest with each other; we talked very candidly about everything, including sex; and I figured our good communication would carry over into our sex life, which it pretty much did. Above all I knew him to be a kind and unselfish man who I was quite certain would make it his business to figure out what made me happy. Happily, that turned out to be the case, and I think he'd say I've done all right by him, too.

Neither of us had unusual fetishes or really specific needs--I'm guessing because neither of us had read or viewed a lot of pornography?--so for us things began pretty traditionally. Over time, as we began getting more creative and adventuresome, we just tried stuff when we felt like it and then, you know, talked about it. "I like this...do you like that?" That sort of thing. Cooperation. Compromise. Thoughtfulness. The stuff marriage is made of.

As for someone not having the right type of equipment--assuming you're not talking about a Crying Game sort of scenario, which would be most unfortunate--boy parts and girl parts can't be that hard to match up, right? If you haven't been with other people, you're not going to sigh about how Boyfriend X had a bigger willy or Girlfriend Y could bend into that one position. And while I'm not a doctor, I'm pretty sure that unless there's something medically wrong with one of you, there's nearly always the right equipment there to satify both customers. (Or is the stuff I'm reading in those women's magazines in the doctor's office all wrong?) For people like us it's not about searching for the partner with the perfect set of equipment, but rather spending hours with that one partner, finding the best ways to make the the equipment you've both got play together nicely.

That's been my experience, anyway. Hope I'm not grossing anyone out. My children would be mortified if they knew I was posting stuff like this online.

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Lainie
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by Communication Attempt:
I always found funny how people are told (mostly by the clergy) to wait for marriage and yet no reason or explanation is given.

The people who told me to wait for marriage gave me many reasons. I didn't accept their reasons or follow their advice, but they did offer reasons.

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How homophobic do you have to be to have penguin gaydar? - Lewis Black

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Ramblin' Dave, quietly making noise
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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No one ever told me to wait. I'm guessing my parents probably did wait, given the kind of people they are and their family backgrounds, but I don't know for sure. They did dissuade me from seeing a girl who liked me when I was much too young to have sex (14) because she was sexually active and they didn't want me getting in any trouble, but other than that there was never any judgment either way in my house.

I did end up waiting longer than most people of my generation, if only because I'm pretty shy and didn't date much until after college. I have a few friends who have waited until their late 20s and counting for similar reasons, and one who is 29 and saving himself for marriage.

And while I would never judge anyone for waiting, I have to agree with Ryda here - I would never want to make a lifetime commitment to someone without knowing if we were compatible in bed. I've had girlfriends I loved very much but the sex just wasn't very good, and I've had a couple of flings where it was terrific but there was no relationship potential. Ultimately the former would never work better than the latter in the long term. At least not for me.

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Another lifetime I'd have fallen in love with you
Swept away by my feelings, ashamed and confused
But just now it's enough to be walking with you
Let the mystery play as it will! -Lui Collins

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Lainie
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by Ramblin' Dave, ramblin' again:
And while I would never judge anyone for waiting, I have to agree with Ryda here - I would never want to make a lifetime commitment to someone without knowing if we were compatible in bed. I've had girlfriends I loved very much but the sex just wasn't very good, and I've had a couple of flings where it was terrific but there was no relationship potential. Ultimately the former would never work better than the latter in the long term. At least not for me.

I understand why the former (bad sex) wouldn't work, but how would the latter ("no relationship potential") work in the long run at all?

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How homophobic do you have to be to have penguin gaydar? - Lewis Black

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StillandSilent
I Saw Three Shipments


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Waiting until marriage was never discussed in my house, it was simply assumed that you would. At 21, I am still a virgin, although that has more to due with waiting for the right person then waiting for marriage. The fact that I haven't had a serious boyfriend for more than 2 years doesn't hurt either.
My sister didn't wait for marriage either and just had her oops! baby three weeks ago. They plan on getting married eventually. I think.

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Ramblin' Dave, quietly making noise
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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quote:
Originally posted by Lainie:

I understand why the former (bad sex) wouldn't work, but how would the latter ("no relationship potential") work in the long run at all?

It wouldn't, of course. My point is that the latter is obvious, but the former might not be to starry-eyed lovers who have been brought up to believe otherwise. I'm glad I learned that's not the case before I got married (although I tend to think I never will get married anyway!).

--------------------
Another lifetime I'd have fallen in love with you
Swept away by my feelings, ashamed and confused
But just now it's enough to be walking with you
Let the mystery play as it will! -Lui Collins

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Simply Madeline
The First USA Noel


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My mother told me to wait until I was in love and in a relationship with someone I could trust. Waiting for marriage was never discussed.
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MacLloyd
God Rest Ye Merry Merchants


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My wife and I waited until we were married (not all that difficult considering that before we got married we lived on different continents). We have always felt that being each other's "one and only" drew us closer together.

I don't think that I am betraying any confidence when I say that our sex life has just gotten better as we "learned" together. As a matter of fact, we just got back from a long, wonderful weekend away from the kids to celebrate our 22nd anniversary.

So, while YMM obviously V, waiting until marriage worked out fabulously for me.

Mac"not that it was always easy"Lloyd

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"May you make the Yuletide pay!"

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Ryda Wong, EBfCo.
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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quote:
Originally posted by Buzzkiller:
As for someone not having the right type of equipment--assuming you're not talking about a Crying Game sort of scenario, which would be most unfortunate--boy parts and girl parts can't be that hard to match up, right? If you haven't been with other people, you're not going to sigh about how Boyfriend X had a bigger willy or Girlfriend Y could bend into that one position. And while I'm not a doctor, I'm pretty sure that unless there's something medically wrong with one of you, there's nearly always the right equipment there to satify both customers. (Or is the stuff I'm reading in those women's magazines in the doctor's office all wrong?)

Uh. Yeah. Having been with many, many, many men, there's nothing worse than a dick that's too big. A nice small to medium size is pretty important to me sexually to have the range of pleasurable sexual intercourse that I desire.

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So many spankings! It feels so good! But at the same time, I don't care about meeting your family! - I'mNotDedalus:

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Ryda Wong, EBfCo.
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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quote:
Originally posted by Rhiandmoi:
I am torn on this because I think people should know what they are getting themselves into, but then I also think that sometimes people don't want to buy a cow when they can get the milk for free, and it can be hard to say "Okay, I've determined that we are sexually compatible, but now the cookie store is closed until we are married." Not that sex should be a club to get a wedding ring, but if one person really wants to be married but the other is already having all their needs and wants satisfied without being married, it's not very fair.

Yes and No. THis is the situation I always find myself in. I'm having a wonderful time in the relationship, and quite happy, and then the guy always starts to plead for marriage. And, typically, I start to pack up and go.

That's mitigated in current relationship where I think I might be able to make a life-time committment to this person. He's talking about marriage, and, even though, given my druthers, I wouldn't, I've agreed. It isn't important to me, but it is to him, and, in that case, since I do love him and think that things will last, I'll go with it.

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So many spankings! It feels so good! But at the same time, I don't care about meeting your family! - I'mNotDedalus:

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ThistleSoftware
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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quote:
Originally posted by Rhiandmoi:


I am torn on this because I think people should know what they are getting themselves into, but then I also think that sometimes people don't want to buy a cow when they can get the milk for free, and it can be hard to say "Okay, I've determined that we are sexually compatible, but now the cookie store is closed until we are married." Not that sex should be a club to get a wedding ring, but if one person really wants to be married but the other is already having all their needs and wants satisfied without being married, it's not very fair.

I kind of think that if one person in the relationship would only be getting married in order to have sex ("buy the cow" as it were) then that relationship isn't going to work too well anyway. In my opinion getting married shouldn't be a way to have your needs and wants fulfilled by the other person, it should be an expression of your desire to be with that person forever. If you're just doing it so they'll have sex with you, well, look at how well that worked out for Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson.

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Officially Heartless

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Nonny Mouse, on Santa's laptop
Once in Royal Circuit City


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quote:
Originally posted by Ryda Wong:
quote:
Originally posted by Rhiandmoi:
I am torn on this because I think people should know what they are getting themselves into, but then I also think that sometimes people don't want to buy a cow when they can get the milk for free, and it can be hard to say "Okay, I've determined that we are sexually compatible, but now the cookie store is closed until we are married." Not that sex should be a club to get a wedding ring, but if one person really wants to be married but the other is already having all their needs and wants satisfied without being married, it's not very fair.

Yes and No. THis is the situation I always find myself in. I'm having a wonderful time in the relationship, and quite happy, and then the guy always starts to plead for marriage. And, typically, I start to pack up and go.

That's mitigated in current relationship where I think I might be able to make a life-time committment to this person. He's talking about marriage, and, even though, given my druthers, I wouldn't, I've agreed. It isn't important to me, but it is to him, and, in that case, since I do love him and think that things will last, I'll go with it.

Really, when you get right down to it, isn't that all marriage really is? It's making what you hope will be a lifelong commitment to somebody. In any relationship in which you don't feel drawn to make a lifetime commitment, it would just be silly to get married.

You were wise to bail on the other relationships if the man wanted permanence and you didn't, and you're equally wise to recognize when you've found a relationship you really do want to stick with for the long haul.

Nonny

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When there isn't anything else worth analyzing, we examine our collective navel. I found thirty-six cents in change in mine the other day. Let no one say that there is no profit in philosophy. -- Silas Sparkhammer

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remigo
Deck the Malls


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With all the talk on sexual compatibility, IMHO, the issue is not compatibility of boy/girl bits or peculiar desires etc. The most important aspect of sexual compatibility is that of libido. Yes, of course there are always going to be ways for A and B to rub together pleasurably.

However, how often is that going to be? Ok, both of the couple stay staunch and steady until marriage. What if Boy is thinking "I'm looking forward to marriage when we can do it practically every month!" and Girl is thinking "I'm looking forward to marriage when we can do it morning, noon and night!"

That's the sort of incompatibility that can't be ironed out. How would the compromise work? Once a week?
Boy has sex when he doesn't want to do it, and Girl feels humiliated that she is forcing her lover into it. However, it's still not as often as she wants, and so the feelings of unfilled desire and frustration build up.

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Ganzfeld
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by remigo:
With all the talk on sexual compatibility, IMHO, the issue is not compatibility of boy/girl bits or peculiar desires etc. The most important aspect of sexual compatibility is that of libido. Yes, of course there are always going to be ways for A and B to rub together pleasurably.

However, how often is that going to be? [...]

That's the sort of incompatibility that can't be ironed out. [...]

It's also the most likely to change over time, especially after childbirth, etc. So, while I agree with you that it's important, I don't think it's a good idea to encourage couples to think that it will always be comparable. Maybe a little difference is better to start with. That way, young couples don't go into the marriage without having worked through some differences in libido.
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FullMetal
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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My wife and I are expecting our first child in 2 months. We got married July 7th.

the math doesn't add up does it?

we didn't wait... but we knew we were going to be together before our first time together.

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Zorro
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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I was a virgin when I met my husband. He wasn't. Other than making sure he was disease-free and insisting on using birth control from the very first time, it really wasn't an issue for us. We didn't wait for marriage, either. Well, actually, we didn't even wait for our one-year dating anniversary. [Big Grin]

Why had I waited until I was 21 years old? Partially lack of opportunity- I hadn't dated too many guys very seriously before then- and partially because, out of the guys I'd dated, I couldn't really imagine myself having sex with any of them. I had never forseen waiting until marriage, but to me, sex was something too special to just do with just anyone. And I'm glad I waited, for me, not for his benefit. (Although, I have a feeling he likes knowing that he's boldly gone where no man has been before. [Big Grin] )

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"Seize the day! Make your lives extraordinary!"
-John Keating, "Dead Poets Society"

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Freshman
We Three Blings


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quote:
Originally posted by FullMetal:
My wife and I are expecting our first child in 2 months. We got married July 7th.

the math doesn't add up does it?

we didn't wait... but we knew we were going to be together before our first time together.

congratulations.

I'm not really "waiting" I just haven't had a boyfriend ever..

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"High-Five!" - Borat

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Bassist
Chess Nuts Boasting 'Round an Open Fire


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If I can chime in, I'm an example of a male who has been fairly loyal through a long (and difficult - PM if you want more details) marriage, yet we both decided not to wait until marriage.

Our first date lasted 2.5 days [Wink] . Two weeks later, she announced to her parents that she was moving into my apartment with me. Two months later (when the lease was up), we got our own apartment together. One year later, we bought our own house. One year after that was when we finally decided to get married. That was in 1984, so we've been married for 22 years.

The main difficulty is that she's been disabled since 1991 and housed in a nursing home since 1999. Still married, and still visiting (with the girls) on a regular basis, but no real hope of her getting any better.

I know I'm in the minority, but some of us are still out there! Don't lose hope, y'all - someone will be there for you when you need it.

Bassist

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"I'm singing and deranged!"

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Ramblin' Dave, quietly making noise
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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quote:
Originally posted by remigo:
However, how often is that going to be? Ok, both of the couple stay staunch and steady until marriage. What if Boy is thinking "I'm looking forward to marriage when we can do it practically every month!" and Girl is thinking "I'm looking forward to marriage when we can do it morning, noon and night!"

Excellent point, and one I never saw coming when I was growing up. As a teenager I always just figured the old stereotype of "men want it all the time, women don't really like it at all" was true. I was prepared to deal with that. I wasn't prepared at all for a relationship in which I was the one who wanted it less often, and it wasn't easy to deal with when it happened. That was one of several reasons why my first really serious relationship didn't work out. I hate to imagine making a lifetime committment to someone without even having that issue on the radar.

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Another lifetime I'd have fallen in love with you
Swept away by my feelings, ashamed and confused
But just now it's enough to be walking with you
Let the mystery play as it will! -Lui Collins

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Deearn
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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I didn't wait, but I'm not married and I've never been married. I've had sexual relationships, and I don't mean one night stands, but long relationships.

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If you think "Silence Of The Lambs" is what happens when Larry goes out to the barn, you might be a redneck.--- Jeff Foxworthy.

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DesertRat
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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To add to the anecdotal data, my wife did, I didn't.

In retrospect, though, I wish I had. My pre-wife sex life is not something I remember fondly.

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High on the wind, the Highland drums begin to roll, and something from the past just comes and stares into my soul... --Mark Knopfler

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Silkenreindeer
Wassaleing


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My husband and I "waited", and by waited I mean did everything except traditional penetrative vaginal sex.

I wasn't too keen on it, but he insisted.

Would I be married to him right now if I hadn't felt an urgency to get married rather than have sex outside wedlock? I don't know. We got engaged the second time we met in person, and only 4 months into our "dating" history... and after that point inertia kicked in. We were going to get married, that was that.

I wish I'd waited to commit myself to a long-term relationship until I'd had my life more in order and he had his life more in order. As for waiting for sex? Less important. I don't see how waiting for sex improved our relationship, our future sex life or our marriage in any way.

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