snopes.com Post new topic  New Poll  Post a reply
search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Hello snopes.com » Non-UL Chat » NFBSK Gone Wild! » The Dirty Joke Challenge

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: The Dirty Joke Challenge
Necko
Bone Appétit!


Icon 208 posted      Profile for Necko   E-mail Necko       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
This exact ly like the clean joke challenge thread, except you can tell dirty jokes. The same rules apply.

Click for rules

Posts: 24 | From: Palatine, IL | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Monkster
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Monkster   E-mail Monkster   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Which of the rules apply? I assume dirty jokes can have dirty words and sexual double entendre?

Speaking of double entendres that reminds me of a joke.

A Woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre, so the bar tender gives her one.

Posts: 147 | From: Queensland Australia | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Victoria J
Jingle Bell Hock


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Victoria J   E-mail Victoria J   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Book-a-chow

Though it does seem about time to start a new thread. I can't believe the clean joke challenge out-lived the original dirty joke thread...not round here. [Wink]

Victoria J.

--------------------
Post accompanied by maniacal laughter.

Posts: 577 | From: London, UK | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Troberg
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Troberg     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
What should you do if a pitbull starts humping your leg?

Fake an orgasm.

--------------------
/Troberg

Posts: 4360 | From: Borlänge, Sweden | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Virulaceous
I Saw Three Shipments


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Virulaceous   Author's Homepage     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench when a man runs up to them and flashes them. The first woman has a stroke. Then the second lady has a stroke as well.

But the third old dear had arthritis and couldn't reach that far.

Virulaceous

--------------------
If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

Posts: 86 | From: Colorado | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
DemonWolf
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


Icon 1 posted      Profile for DemonWolf     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Bill: My doctor told me that If I don't stop having sex I'll be dead by the end of the week.

Bob: That's awful! Why?

Bill: I'm screwing his wife.

--------------------
Friends are like skittles: they come in many colors, and some are fruity!

IMJW-052804

Posts: 7224 | From: Massachusetts | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Tobester
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Tobester     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
What is the difference between a plastic grocery bag and Michael Jackson?

One's made of plastic and it's dangerous if the kids play with it, the other is good for carrying groceries .

--------------------
Dyslexics of the world untie!

Posts: 23 | From: Haddon Township, NJ | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Turban Man
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Turban Man     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Q: What do you call a blond with pigtails?

A: A blowjow with handlebars.

TurbanMan

--------------------
I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T,

Posts: 140 | From: Hollywood, Florida | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Virulaceous
I Saw Three Shipments


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Virulaceous   Author's Homepage     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Dr. Bob felt terrible. He had been sleeping with one of his patients.

Part of his mind said "You're not the first doctor to have sex with a patient, nor the last. Don't beat yourself up."

But then another mental voice piped up, "But Dr. Bob... you're a vet."

-Virulaceous

--------------------
If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

Posts: 86 | From: Colorado | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Ean
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Ean   E-mail Ean   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Three ducks walk into a bar.

"Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck.

"Huey," was the reply.

"How's your day been, Huey?"

"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said Huey.

"Oh. That's nice," said the bartender.

He turned to the second duck, "Hi, and what's your name?"

"Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.

"So how's your day been, Dewey?" he asked.

"Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?"

The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be Louie?"

"No," he growled, "My name is Puddles. And before you ask, I've had a NFBSKing terrible day!"

--------------------
"Any more of this nonsense and we'll have a short, sharp visit from the Smack Fairy!"

"Music will get you through times of no love better than love will get you through times of no music"
- GiNGER - Something To Believe In

Posts: 178 | From: Shropshire, England | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Dutch Angua
Deck the Malls


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Dutch Angua   Author's Homepage     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Dr. Bob felt terrible. He had been sleeping with one of his patients.

Part of his mind said "You're not the first doctor to have sex with a patient, nor the last. Don't beat yourself up."

But then another mental voice piped up, "But Dr. Bob... you're a vet."

[lol] I'm SO gonna tell that one to my fellow vet students!

--------------------
Dude, where's my siggy?

Posts: 276 | From: Holland | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Brrrtje
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Brrrtje   Author's Homepage     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Guy walks into a brothel and informs after the price of a blowjob.
'We have $20 blowjobs, $50 blowjobs, and blowjobs that will cost you a hundred dollars'
The guy examines his wallet and decides that he will go for the twenty dollar blowjob.
'That's here on the first floor, second door on your right.'
The guy goes to the room, finds a fat and ugly woman there. But, hey, she does the job and she does it well. Satisfied, he hands over the twenty dollars. 'That was really good, but what the difference between this and the other blowjobs?'
'The $50 one is on the second floor', the girl says.

So, next week, he comes back with a fifty, and he goes to the second floor. Lo and behold: a beautiful young girl in her early twenties, dressed stunningly sexy. He pays his fifty dollars, and in return is taken to heaven! The skill! The pleasure! He is left stunned and gasping, and he just can't imagine the $100 blowjob could be any better. He says so to the girl.
'Oh, but it will be more special! Just you go to the third floor.'

And the next week, he is standing there in a small red-lit room on the third floor. The woman in question is a wee old woman with wrinkles and a glass eye. 'Why the hell would you be worth a hundred dollars?', he asks bluntly.
'Because I can give you a blowjob that is just as good as the one you had last week, and sing the national anthem at the same time.'
'No NFBSK'ing way'
'Way. You'll have to turn of the light, though, cause I'm a bit shy.'
The guy is really curious, so he hands over his two fifties and turns of the lights. And yes! Bliss! Exactly the right stimulations around his manhood, and, at the same time, the words of the national anthem sounding through the room.

'No NFBSK'ing way.' There has to be a radio hidden somewhere. Next week, he comes back and asks her to sing 'You are my lollipop' instead, while paying him lip service. The lights go off, and sure, as he nearly passes out with pleasure, he hears the words to the song.

'Ah, but well, that was a bit of an obvious choice, really. There must be a radio somewhere.' So, he returns the next week, and asks her to go down on him again. As she starts singing the national anthem, he quickly switches on the lights. The first thing he sees is a glass eye lying on the bed.

Posts: 142 | From: Netherlands | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Jack Dylan
Deck the Malls


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Jack Dylan   E-mail Jack Dylan       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. She said, "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma’am," the Sergeant Major said, "Just serious by nature." "The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action." The Sergeant Major’s short reply was, "Yes, ma’am, a lot of action." The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself." The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?" The Sergeant Major looked at her and replied, "1955." She said, "Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.

Afterwards, and panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn’t forget much since 1955!" The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it’s only 2130 now."

--------------------
Eppis: Do you know why being a revolutionary doesn't work in this country? Being a revolutionary in America is like being a spoil sport at an orgy. All these goodies being passed around and you feel like a shit when you say no.

Posts: 294 | From: Brisbane, Australia | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
medtchva
Deck the Malls


Icon 1 posted      Profile for medtchva   E-mail medtchva   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Ok... I have a couple of questions before I post on this thread...

1. Is there such a thing as too dirty?

2. How about too gross?

3. How many can a person post? LOL

Posts: 229 | From: Lynchburg, VA | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Jack Dylan
Deck the Malls


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Jack Dylan   E-mail Jack Dylan       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by medtchva:
Ok... I have a couple of questions before I post on this thread...

1. Is there such a thing as too dirty?

2. How about too gross?

3. How many can a person post? LOL

1. Nope. This is the dirtiest thread there ever was. [Wink]

2. Ditto #1.

3. As many as you got! [Smile]

--------------------
Eppis: Do you know why being a revolutionary doesn't work in this country? Being a revolutionary in America is like being a spoil sport at an orgy. All these goodies being passed around and you feel like a shit when you say no.

Posts: 294 | From: Brisbane, Australia | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Jack Dylan
Deck the Malls


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Jack Dylan   E-mail Jack Dylan       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
A lady called her gynecologist, and asked for an "emergency" appointment. The receptionist said to come right in.

She rushed to the office, and was ushered right into an examination room. The doctor came into the exam room and asked about her problem.

She was very shy about her emergency problem, and asked the gynecologist to please examine her vagina.

So the doctor started to examine her. He stuck up his head after completing his examination. "I'm sorry, Miss," he said, "but removing that vibrator is going to involve a very lengthy , delicate and expensive surgical operation."

"I'm not sure I can afford it," sighed the young woman. "But while I am here could you just replace the batteries? "

--------------------
Eppis: Do you know why being a revolutionary doesn't work in this country? Being a revolutionary in America is like being a spoil sport at an orgy. All these goodies being passed around and you feel like a shit when you say no.

Posts: 294 | From: Brisbane, Australia | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
medtchva
Deck the Malls


Icon 1 posted      Profile for medtchva   E-mail medtchva   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Jack Dylan:
quote:
Originally posted by medtchva:
Ok... I have a couple of questions before I post on this thread...

1. Is there such a thing as too dirty?

2. How about too gross?

3. How many can a person post? LOL

1. Nope. This is the dirtiest thread there ever was. [Wink]

2. Ditto #1.

3. As many as you got! [Smile]

LMAO... okay, I hope you're right!
Posts: 229 | From: Lynchburg, VA | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
medtchva
Deck the Malls


Icon 1 posted      Profile for medtchva   E-mail medtchva   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
A Short Hot Love Story

I SHALL SEEK AND FIND YOU

I SHALL TAKE YOU TO BED AND CONTROL YOU

I WILL MAKE YOU ACHE, SHAKE AND SWEAT UNTIL YOU GRUNT AND GROAN

WILL MAKE YOU BEG FOR MERCY

I WILL EXHAUST YOU TO THE POINT THAT YOU WILL BE RELIEVED WHEN I LEAVE. YOU WILL BE WEAK FOR DAYS

ALL MY LOVE,
THE FLU

WHO WERE YOU THINKING?
Just a reminder..............time to get a flu shot

Posts: 229 | From: Lynchburg, VA | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
medtchva
Deck the Malls


Icon 1 posted      Profile for medtchva   E-mail medtchva   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Baptist bra

A man walked into the Women's Department of Macy's in New York City. He
told the saleslady "I would like a Baptist bra for my wife, size 36B."

With a quizzical look the saleslady asked? "What kind of bra?"

He repeated "A Baptist Bra" - She said to tell you that she wanted a
Baptist Bra, and that you would know what she wanted."

"Ah, now I remember" said the saleslady. "We don't get as many
requests for them as we used to. Mostly our customers lately want
the Catholic bra, or the Salvation Army bra, or the Presbyterian
type."

Confused, and a little flustered, the man asked "So, what are the
differences?"

The lady responded. "It is all really quite simple. The Catholic
type supports the masses. The Salvation Army lifts up the fallen,
Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright."

He mused on that information for a minute, and asked "So, what is the
Baptist type for?" "They," she replied, "make mountains out of molehills."

Bra Sizes

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, H and how the letters
used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out
what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!

{A} Almost Boobs...
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain!
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up.

Posts: 229 | From: Lynchburg, VA | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
medtchva
Deck the Malls


Icon 1 posted      Profile for medtchva   E-mail medtchva   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint, it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

And,

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 =96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 =100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 =127%

Thus, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that, while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, Bullshit and Ass kissing will put you over the top.

Posts: 229 | From: Lynchburg, VA | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
medtchva
Deck the Malls


Icon 1 posted      Profile for medtchva   E-mail medtchva   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Grandma and Grandpa were watching a healing service on the television. The evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed to go to their television set, place one hand on the TV and the other hand on the body part where they wanted to be healed.

Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the television set, placed her right hand on the set and her left hand on her arthritic shoulder that was causing her to have great pain.

Then Grandpa got up, went to the TV, placed his right hand on the set and his left hand on his crotch.

Grandma scowled at him and said, "I guess you just don't get it. The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, not raise the dead."

Posts: 229 | From: Lynchburg, VA | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
medtchva
Deck the Malls


Icon 1 posted      Profile for medtchva   E-mail medtchva   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the desert without water.
His horse has already died of thirst. He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old briefcase. He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie. She is wearing an Internal Revenue Service, ID badge and a dull
gray dress. There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked
behind one ear.

"Well, cowboy," says the genie... "You know how I work. You have three wishes."

"I'm not falling for this." Says the man. "I'm not going to trust an IRS auditor genie."

"What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!"

The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right. "OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink."

***POOF***

The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. He is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
"OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish."

"My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams."

***POOF***

The man finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.

"OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"

After thinking for a few minutes, the man says, "I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me."

***POOF***

He is turned into a tampon.

And, the moral of the story: If the government offers you anything, there's going to be a string attached.

Posts: 229 | From: Lynchburg, VA | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
medtchva
Deck the Malls


Icon 1 posted      Profile for medtchva   E-mail medtchva   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Let me know when ya'll are ready for more LOL
Posts: 229 | From: Lynchburg, VA | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.

Instant Graemlins
   


Post new topic  New Poll  Post a reply Close topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Urban Legends Reference Pages

Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classic™ 6.7.2